A/N: One part of this review is written and improvised by myself.
RWBY's Commentary of Fant4stic (Part 2 - Final)
Ruby had come back from her bathroom break and Yang, Blake and Weiss had finished laughing.
The former then started off the second part of the review, "Hey, look, a dark room. We haven't seen that yet.", sarcastically in the following scene, where The Thing was in the shadows asking where Reed is, and the scientist Harvey Allen tells him he's gone, as Ruby confessed, "Okay, so this is particularly interesting. We JUST got done with a scene showing pretty much what Ben looks like, a cookie turd shit out of the rock monster from Galaxy Quest, yet for some reason, they keep his identity a secret here! Even though, we CLEARLY already know what he looks like! The rooms being dark have already been pretty pointless, but this movie found a BLACK HOLE of pointless! Like there's already no point, and yet somehow, it creates even LESS of a point!", asking her friends, "Is it too late to call them the All-Around Uninteresting Dark Blur Four instead?"
"Pretty much.", Yang answered her sister while Blake and Weiss nodded with 'mm-hmm', supporting this point, "To make things even stranger, we're almost at the one hour mark, and only NOW have they changed into their hero forms! Most of them just woke up, and suddenly, it's one year later, Ben is fighting for the army, Johnny has just figured out how to shoot fireballs, Sue can turn herself and other things invisible while also creating forcefields, AND they want to harness this power so they can go back to the parallel dimension to get even MORE powers!"
Blake glared, "Now, you think we're paraphrasing there. What'd that take? Maybe a minute for us to say? It takes the movie the EXACT AMOUNT OF TIME to get ALL that information at you! Yeah, most of the superhero stuff is done in ONE goddamn minute! A-a-and it's not even in the forefront! See Ben doing all this cool action stuff? Well, it's not nearly as exciting as watching it in the distance with a bunch of lifeless douchebags sitting around!"
"We finally get some frigging action, and it's not even the focus! Wha- How would you like it if an action scene in The Dark Knight was from a distance being watched by somebody else?", Weiss argued, Ruby, Yang and Blake feeling shocked at the thought, "I mean, those IMAX sequences would be a waste of time if that ever happened! But we're all glad it didn't, so the IMAX experience is totally worth it."
Ruby agreed, "Action from the distance is always bad in movies.", continuing, "But don't worry, if this is too much out of your comfort zone, fear not! We go right back into talking in dark rooms again!", before the four girls slowly clap with shocked and annoyed looks, the next scene with Johnny and Sue arguing, the latter stating she will not be a tool, "The movie strongly disagrees."
"But it looks like Reed has been missing for a year, too... Yeah, it sure is hard to track a butt-naked scientist with no military training... However, he's eventually found by the army, who bring Ben in.", summarizes Yang, this scene with The Thing meeting Reed again, angered for his supposed abandonment.
Blake played, "'Hey, where's your Thing? Huh, I just thought up a good name for you- Whoop!', that's what I think Reed would've said.", giggling a tiny bit the same scene with the Faunus hoping as it showed Reed dodging Ben's punch, "Okay, finally we're gonna get some action-", before it shows Ben knocking out Reed shortly after, "Well, that was short.", groaning and facepalming in disappointment with her friends.
"Oh, wait! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Out of the...MAGNITUDE of VARIETY we've had in this film so far, let us take a guess! A wild goddamn guess what's coming up next! Please don't let it be dark room talking. Please don't let it be...", Weiss said in a fed up manner as the following plane scene with Ben and Reed, once again, talking in dark rooms.
All four girls of team RWBY shout in unison, "OOOOOH MYYYY GOOOOOD!", with Ruby exclaiming with her friends worried, "Wh-wh-why is this fantastic?! Why is this Fantast- Your GODDAMN MOVIE is Fantastic Four, and you can't even get...ONE FANTASTIC THING in it! WHY IS TALKING IN A DARK ROOM FANTASTIC?! Wha- Wh-wh- Did you have an upbringing like the boy from Room? Is this...LITERALLY all you know?!"
"Yes, if Fantastic Four was like Room, it'd be like, 'Was the outside only explained to you in pictures and stories? If so, could you TELL one of those stories, because it's GODDAMN MORE INTERESTING THAN THIS HORSESHIT!'", angered Yang as her eyes glowed red, the scene when the plane arrives at the base which made Yang scared, "'AAAAAH! An outside scene! TAKE IT AWAAAAAAYYY!'", causing Ruby, Blake and Weiss to laugh once again to Yang's hilarious Room/Middle Earth-like expression, the next dark room talking scene shown, "'Ahh-ha-ha-ha! That's better!'"
Blake laughed, "Yang, you're so funny! You sound like Lord of the Rings mixed with Room, definitely!", commenting in the scene with Reed and Sue meeting again with the former asking what if she didn't come to the science fair, "Reed should add, 'We could've been sitting in a dark room with table lamps. TABLE LAMPS!' I would strongly agree with this too.", the next snippet with Franklin and Johnny, the father telling his son that they're closer since they captured Reed, with Johnny asking, "'The end credits, of course. We can finally star in real movies again!', that's what I'm guessing for Franklin's answer."
"They return to planet Burnt Brownie, where they discover Doom is alive and well. Hey, trust me, as long as this movie's still going, Doom will ALWAYS be alive and well!", Weiss doubted when summarizing the movie.
The following scene shows Doom back to the base asking the scientists how he survived, it was that the parallel dimension he was in gave him strength.
Ruby and Yang said, "Okay, I know it's a comic-book adaptation, there has to be some changes, but...what is with Fox's obsession of turning Marvel characters into Slipknot CRASH TEST DUMMIES?! Is this the one design they think exists? It's getting a little old. Hell, it was never that interesting to begin with! This movie really is the master of throwing boring, uninteresting things at you in a movie that's called FANTASTIC!"
"Christ, what do you think their design for the climax is? That frigging Portal in the Sky cliche-", Blake and Weiss question before the movie shows said cliche.
The four girls look angered and shocked by this at the same time, to which Ruby stated, "We're done. We're doing no more-", before a knock on the door was heard.
"Ruby? Yang? Blake? Weiss? Are you there? We were wondering how your review is going, we just came back-", Pyrrha and Nora's voices were heard, as team RWBY laid against the door, preventing from their friends to come in.
Ruby dramatically said, "We can't recall...the taste of food...or...the sound of originality...we're...naked in the dark...", which caused team JNPR on the other side of the door to be confused.
"A dark room, just...talking and talking, doing nothing but talking...", Yang swooned in woe.
Blake and Weiss romantically acted, "That cliche...that portal...staring at us...we can see it! With our four bored eyes!"
"Then let us be rid of it, once and for all! Although we can't carry that cliche, but we can carry on!", Ruby dramatically acted.
Silence happens for a few moments, before Jaune and Ren ask, "Uh, what are you girls talking about?", on the other side of the door.
"Nothing. Just a bad scene from Fant4stic. It was a bit weird for us, honestly.", apologized Ruby and Yang.
Pyrrha and Nora on the other side look at each other, smiled and nodded, the latter saying, "Well, okay, it was a little bit, but not bad. Pretty sure you'll be Best Actresses, you know what we mean?"
"You know what, you girls can just finish the Fant4stic review, and then we will spend time.", Pyrrha sorted.
Blake and Weiss okayed, "Yeah, sounds great. We guess that's an option.", teams JNPR and RWBY respectively going back to the dorm and catching up with the review.
"So you might be wondering, 'where the hell did this destroy the world thing suddenly come from?' Especially from a guy with such a cuddly name like Doom! Well, we'll give this movie some credit. Instead of having a huge exposition dump in one minute like before, this movie gives us at least...twenty seconds more...", Ruby reviewed.
Yang nods, "Yep! In that short amount of time, he says that his life cycle is tied to that world, that he believes their world would destroy it, so he wants to destroy ours before they can get the jump on his world, and-"
"Whoooooooooo cares?", joked Blake, saying as Ruby, Yang and Weiss look at her, "Sorry. Got it from that obscure movie Screwed. Moving on.", summarizing, "During this, the scientists are killed, Doom makes Harvey's head explode, and Reed and Ben resolve their differences and the two, along with Johnny and Sue, unite."
"Yet it looks like Professor Storm gets murdered...oh, that just looks weird without a Jim Carrey song number going on...and our hero- Sorry, it was only two syllables and we couldn't even say it. Our...these guys try to stop him from sucking the world into his dimensional bullshit.", Weiss swore.
Ruby synopsized, "But Victor is too powerful, and figures out ways to stop all of them.", as a scene shows Reed calling to Doom by the name Victor, and the antagonist answers there is no Victor, there is only Doom, and the red-black-haired huntress whispered, "Ghostbusters reference. I'm not wasting it by the way. Ditto."
"But the Fantastic Bore eventually get the drop on him.", Yang said, the battle scene with The Thing saying his iconic catchphrase It's Clobbering Time, before punching Doom, "Yeah, in the context of the movie, that line really should be, 'What my brother said before he beat me up still lacking relevaaaance!'", laughing with her friends to this line joke.
The next snippets show Doom's death when the portal collapsed, and the Fantastic Four successfully making it through the portal back to their world.
Blake and Weiss both said, "Yaaay, we did...whatever we did!", the next part with the Fantastic Four's meeting with the government, "Okay, we are actually so disinterested in what's going on, we are actually more curious in who took many rolls from that plate. Okay, only Johnny seemed to take one, he apparently didn't finish it. The others had coffee, but nobody drank their water. Dude, that guy was on fire, I think he would at least have some water! These are the biggest concerns we're coming out of this movie with!"
"So they're given their own location to continue to test out their powers, because Lord knows we haven't seen enough of that in these movies, as they seem to interact off each other.", Ruby and Yang climaxes, the following snippet with the team coming up with a name, "Geez, we're beginning to see why you didn't give them personalities! Their relationships to the rolls was more interesting!", the final part of the movie with Reed coming up with their team name with help from The Thing.
Blake and Weiss respond as the movie title is shown, "Up, up, up! We didn't have to say it out loud, but you still have to take a movie with a guy named Von Doom seriously! Piss off!"
"And that was Fant-Snore-Stic. It's bad. REALLY bad. The other Fantastic Four movies, which we haven't reviewed yet, fail too, but at least they fail in an over-the-top way, and at least try to embrace the look and corniness of the comic. It's like it's ashamed to have anything to do with Fantastic Four OR comic books in general. In fact, when you add them all together, the Hammer film is STILL the only one where they choose to fight crime, and they're not the ones who caused all the destruction they're fighting against! How does that hap- How'd that happen in two reboots you're trying to make better?! All we can say is there's a right way and a wrong way to do dark, gritty comic book material. And this, is DEFINITELY the wrong way.", Ruby, Yang, Blake and Weiss all reviewed the overall of Fantastic Four, "We're team RWBY, and...we're just done.", getting up from their commentary chairs, and walking to the door.
They leave the dorm room to go to the dorm where their fellow team JNPR is.
Pyrrha and Nora were on bed together while Jaune and Ren were reading books, the four noticing team RWBY coming in, as the former two ask, "Hi girls! How did the Fant4stic review go-"
"We're done with this movie. That movie took a lot out of us.", sarcastically said the four girls, "But we're still gonna review other movies though."
Jaune and Ren reply, "Okay. So what do you guys want to do?"
"Wanna go out for dinner, guys?", Ruby and Yang request, "We're starving."
Nora excites, "It's about time you guys asked!"
"Great idea! Let's go.", agreed Pyrrha.
Ruby and Yang giggle with Blake and Weiss, as both teams RWBY and JNPR leave to go out for dinner together.
End of RWBY's Commentary of Fant4stic
Up Next: RWBY's Commentary of Maximum Overdrive
