A/N: Features special appearances by characters from RWBY Chibi and Back to the Future (which I DON'T OWN).
In this tenth non-canon review, team RWBY reviews the live-action Scooby-Doo movie, but as they review it, they get certain special guests who join their review session, including the chibi versions of team RWBY, and scientist Doc Brown from the Back to the Future universe.
Happy New Year!
BEACON
Team RWBY had bought the Scooby-Doo movie and already seen it, who looked disappointed when thinking about it as they introduce themselves,
"Hello, I'm Ruby."
"I'm Yang."
"I'm Blake."
"And I'm Weiss."
"We remember it so you don't have- What the fuck are we doing? No, really, what the fuck am we doing?! We'll tell you what we're doing! Scooby-Doo, the douche-horse movie!", Ruby said in irritation.
RWBY's Commentary of Scooby-Doo (Part 1)
Yang said, "Yeah, fuck it! Here's what I think of the movie! It fucking sucks! The end!"
End of RWBY's Commentary of Scooby-Doo?
"No, no. We wouldn't do that to you, but at the same time...is this it? Is this really life?", Blake and Weiss questioned and continued onward for the review.
Ruby suddenly sprang into a rage, "No! This isn't life! This isn't anything even representing life! But it's life for us! It's pretty pathetic, but it's all we got! We know what you're saying, 'Oh, well, that's pretty sad,'; well, you know, yeah, it is fucking sad! And someone's saying, 'Well, that's a pretty sad existence.' Well, yeah, it is a pretty sad existence, JUST SITTING HERE TALKING ABOUT SCOOBY-FUCKING-DOO! I MEAN, FOR GOD'S SAKE, I'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING! I've never done anything to make someone's life better, or-or-or-or-or, gone to play a game with somebody- I'd LOVE to play a game with somebody! Wouldn't it be great? I mean, somebody's just like, 'Hey, why don't you come over and play this game with us?' 'What game?' 'Parcheesi,' We don't know what the fuck people are playing, but you know what?! It'd be nice! It'd be nice to be invited more often! We've never even gone out to a, a bar with somebody, hang with some friends, we've never gone to a, a strip club...okay, we've gone to a couple strip clubs...but still! We've never been there, and actually been like...with people...but STILL, you know what?! It'd be nice! It'd be nice just ONE DAY to go somewhere for once! Or somebody's just having a good time, and somebody just says outta nowhere, 'Hey, you know what? THAT guy was okay! Not great, but he was okay!' instead of, 'Hey! Who were those little fuck-shits?!' Well, I'll tell you who those fuck-shits are! They're TEAM RWBY! THEY REMEMBER IT SO YOU DON'T FUCKING HAVE TO! EVEN THOUGH, EVERY FUCKING DAY THEY EXIST, THEY WISH THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO! THEY WISH THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THIS BULLSHIT, AND WHY DOES IT HAPPEN?! WHY DOES IT KEEP COMING BACK?! BECAUSE YOU'RE FUCKING SICK, AND WE'RE FUCKING STUPID! THAT'S THE WAY IT IS! IT'S THE WAY IT'S ALWAYS GONNA BE! THERE IS NO CHANGE, THERE IS NO FUTURE! THERE IS NO PAST! THE PRESENT IS A JOKE, EVERYTHING IS HELL! OUR LIVES ARE HELL! THIS IS THE WORST THING A HUMAN BEING COULD EVER GO THROUGH!", screaming at the top of her lungs before resting her head down, burying her face with her hands.
"There, there.", Yang, Blake and Weiss comforted, "Stop overreacting. We all know the movie is bad as it is."
Ruby finally calms down, saying, "So, let's start. Uh, this is where we usually tell our opinion and the movie's premise that we, of course, talk over it. We mean, what's the point in trying to change anything, right? We are where we are, nothing's going to make it any different.", sighing, "It's not like we could just go back in time and alert our young selves of the hell that awaits them or something."
All of a sudden, there was a bright flash and the four girls turn to see the inevitable.
They were four girls who were almost exactly lookalikes of team RWBY, but looked like chibi versions of theirselves.
Both groups act surprised when seeing one another.
"DAAH!", said team RWBY.
"DAAH!", said Chibi RWBY.
Moments later, the chibi versions of team RWBY then curiously came closer.
"What the hell?!", exclaims Ruby and Yang.
Chibi Ruby and Yang said, "Holy shit, it's like looking into the future!"
"Looks like it!", Chibi Blake and Weiss agreed.
Blake and Weiss asked, "Are they...us?"
"Oh, hey, is this Remnant all cupcakes and rainbows, or is it bleak and dark? ...It's bleak and dark, isn't it?", Chibi Ruby cutely asked.
Ruby corrects her chibi self, "It's not!", realizing, "Wait a minute, this doesn't make any sense. How are we able to talk to our alternate chibi selves?"
"We don't know. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that we were about to watch the awesome Scooby-Doo movie!", said Chibi Team RWBY, "It's great, because we remember Scooby-Doo existed, and this movie remembers that Scooby-Doo existed. So it's really tapping into our childhoods... What's the word we're looking for?"
Team RWBY answered, "Nostalgia?"
"No, that's not it.", Chibi Ruby said.
Ruby cautioned, "Well, look, Chibi RWBY, whatever you do, don't watch that piece of crap."
"What?! But they say it's a satirical, hip, new look at the characters we know and love."
"But it's not done well. It's just a corporate sellout."
"Oh? Well, forget it, we hate corporate sellouts! They're all narcs! They can all just kiss our asses!", Chibi Ruby said.
Chibi Yang asked, "Hey, by the way, what's it like making bajillions of dollars selling your ideas?"
"Uh, yeah, about that...um. Little word of advice from your other selves, uh, you may not wanna make too much of those reviews.", Yang said.
"What? Why not?"
"Trust us, they may not be as perfect as you guys think they are but our reviews are still fun to do yet still painful for those movies that were awfully bad. Although we're still huntresses here in this academy for the more important part."
"But what the hell do you girls know, you stupid closed-minded narc?"
Yang angered, her eyes turning red, "But we're you, you dumbass!"
Yang's chibi self's eyes turn red too as she said, "Yeah? Well, how do we know the corporations didn't get to ya? How do we know they didn't find ya girls and like brainwash you all into talking to your chibi selves, convincing us not to make the greatest movies of all time?"
"Look, we're not making this up. Listen to me, this is totally believable. If only you could see to understand what's in store for you.", reasoned Blake and Weiss.
Chibi Ruby, Chibi Yang, Chibi Blake and Chibi Weiss asked, "Like what?"
Suddenly, another bright flash happened in the room and the eight saw who it was. This time, it was only one specific person.
Doc Brown.
"GAH!", Doc Brown gasped.
"GAH!", team RWBY shocked.
"Awesome! Back to the Future!", referenced and happily said Chibi RWBY.
Doc Brown confused, "Who are you girls? What are you girls doing here? Or what am I doing here? Or what is going on here?"
"We don't know, Doc Brown, it's like all these different universes are coming together; RWBY, RWBY Chibi and Back to the Future! All we wanted to do was just watch the fucking Scooby-Doo movie!"
"Wait! I was going to put it on, too. My memory of Scooby-Doo is a bit blurried, and I was going to put it on to see if I could remember it.", Doc Brown remembered.
Team RWBY mentioned, "But, wait. Us and our chibi versions were going to watch it, too."
"GREAT SC-C-COTT! We're all going to watch the same movie!", theorized Doc Brown.
Chibi RWBY ask, "Yeah? So?"
"And yet, somehow, it caused a temporal anomaly in the space-time continuum. Hmm...we best watch this movie together, team RWBY. I've heard about you back in my universe, heard you were quite famous on the internet and as a show. Yet something tells me that all the answers to our questions may be in this film.", said Doc.
Yang smirked, "Oh, trust me, this film has no answers."
"Speak for yourself, narc!", name-called Chibi Yang, raspberrying.
Ruby's sister angered once again with red eyes, "OH, SHUT UP, YOU PRETENTIOUS LITTLE...!"
"HEY! Don't make me split myself apart like an atom!", argued Doc.
Chibi Yang rests her arms around, "She started it. Narc."
"Well, let's go ahead and figure out what is going on. Let's watch the Scooby-Doo movie.", Ruby and Yang said, introducing the movie.
Scooby-Doo
Ruby started off, "So the film opens with, big shock, a pop song."
"Yeah, but so what? The original had pop songs, too.", mentioned Chibi Ruby.
"Yeah, and I'm sure that never dated either, just like having Sandy Duncanor The Harlem Globetrotters."
"Who?"
"Exactly!", Ruby fistpumped.
Yang synopsized, "So after listening to...we don't know, maybe Scoob Doggy Dogg, we start off with a caper going on...", as the opening scene shows the Mystery Machine gang in the middle of a caper as they fend off against the Luna Ghost, "...or rather the end of a caper, actually."
"Uhh...did we fast forward past a few scenes?", confused Doc, "Feels very irrelevant to the plot."
The Xiao Long girl replied, "Yeah, it's weird, isn't it? They're giving you a taste of what one of the capers of the show was like, but you wouldn't really get that unless you grew up watching the show."
"Well, we did, and we think it's very clever that they're satirizing the original, showing they have a sense of humor by...", Chibi Yang stated as they saw Scooby's CGI appearance, "...making Scooby look like Marmaduke. Seriously, is that supposed to be Scooby-Doo? It barely looks like him! It looks more like a gremlin that got microwaved with a bear rug, CGI style!"
Doc adds, "Not to mention the crappy CGI effects. Tell me, did they really look that bad in your universe?"
"Well, not...this bad. But, hey, maybe it's a loving send-up to the bad animation of the original show.", brightens Chibi Blake and Chibi Weiss.
Blake and Weiss said, "Yeah, but the original show had an excuse for why it was bad. Each episode had the budget of a ham sandwich and two minutes to put it together. What's this film's excuse?"
"Well, it is kinda neat, though, how they're making fun of their roles, like how Daphne's the damsel in distress, Velma's the smart one, Fred's full of himself; look, they're even mocking the pointless celebrity cameos!", Chibi Blake and Chibi Weiss replied.
Ruby corrected, "Uh, I don't think that's mocking a pointless celebrity cameo. I think that just is a pointless celebrity cameo. It's like saying, 'Hey, look! Michael Moore and the Jerry Maguire kid!'"
"Come on, it's a satire of the original show, and that automatically makes it funny! Show me something that's a satire that isn't automatically funny-", Chibi Ruby defended Chibi RWBY's case.
The leader of team RWBY comprised, "Disaster Movie, Date Movie and Epic Movie?"
"We don't know what those are yet.", Chibi Ruby confused.
When the viewers watch the part where the Luna Ghost is revealed to be the creepy janitor Old Man Smithers, Yang said, "Well, maybe if they keep it going throughout the rest of the film, but I don't know. It seems like they're playing their cards pretty early. If the whole film is supposed to satirize the show, why aren't they saving these jokes for the rest of the movie? Why are they using them up in the first couple of minutes? It's spoiling the fun early for fans and confusing newcomers."
"It's like The Brady Bunch Movie! They'll have a ton of jokes like this throughout the entire...", Chibi Yang hoped, before the end of the opening scene shows the Mystery Machine gang splitting up, quitting and separating, "...minute."
Doc thought, "Well, that seemed like a relatively short flick!"
"Well, they never did that in the show.", rectified Chibi Blake.
Blake and Weiss clarified, "Yeah, even from a dramatic standpoint, that seems a little early to throw in. Wouldn't it make more sense if they saved this for, like, the end of the second act or something?"
"Well, hey, maybe they get right back together real soo...", Chibi Weiss stated before they discover a two-year timeskip after the film's opening, "...ookay."
When the next scene showed Scooby and Shaggy seemingly doing a drug innuendo from outside the Mystery Machine and the next shot reveals they are grilling burgers inside, team RWBY and Chibi RWBY both boo horrendously, except for Doc Brown.
"You did that shot on purpose!", alerted Ruby while they booed, "So, yeah, a mere two years passes by, as suddenly, the owner of an amusement park called Spooky Island contacts them one by one and fools them all out into coming out to solve the mystery. They decide they'll all go, but not after establishing that each one of them wants to solve the mystery themselves.", as the following scene showed the Mystery Machine reuniting at the airport, with Daphne boasting the fact that she's now a black-belt martial artist.
"Okay, I'm a little confused. I thought in the show, they all liked each other.", Doc bewildered.
Chibi Ruby told him, "They did!"
"Well, then how come they don't like each other now?!", demanded Doc.
The chibi Ruby guessed, "Because it's...clever...?"
"No, here's fucking clever.", Ruby emended, as they see the part where the CGI Scooby appears, dressed in drag and also disguising himself as a air passenger, kissing Fred on the cheek.
Chibi Ruby freaks out, "NO! NO- We're sorry! We just got back from the movie theater from seeing the most awesome movie of all time, The Two Towers! And that had fucking Gollum in it! That is one of the best CGI characters of all time! And yet, this...ABOMINATION came out the exact same year?! Are you shitting me!? For Oum's sakes, Roger Rabbit was better integrated than him! And I'm supposed to know he's not really there!"
"Oh, here's a little fun fact for you. Isla Fisher's in this movie.", Doc Brown notified the others.
Yang excites, "Isla Fisher? Ooh, that sweet honey from Wedding Crashers?"
"Who?", Chibi Yang asked.
Yang says, "Oh, you don't know her yet, but she's one of the most attractive women you'll ever see in your life! Oh, my God, she is such a hottie-", before they saw her character in the movie in which they don't notice or reminded of the way she looked like, "Who the fuck is that? That's Isla Fisher? Really? Her?"
"Umm, she's okay, I guess...", hesitated Chibi Yang.
"No, no, no, they make her one of the prettiest women of all time! She's, like, a knockout!"
"If you say so."
"No, no, and she's funny, too! Really, really funny!", Yang told her chibi self, although the chibi RWBY members were confused, "I swear to God, she becomes really, really funny!"
Chibi Yang unsurely said, "Really?"
"No, really! She's funny and attractive! There's this really great scene where she ties Vince Vaughn to a bed and puts a sweaty sock in his mouth...", Ruby's sister recounted before stopping.
Her chibi self confused again, "...Do I have to become you?"
"It works in context!", facepalmed Yang.
Blake continues the story, "So, take a guess what the young lady who befriends Scooby and Shaggy is named. No, really, guess. The first thing that pops into your mind is probably correct.", as Isla's character name is revealed to be Mary Jane, "Mary Jane. Her name is actually Mary Jane.", joking, "Oh, dude, you should totally meet her sister... Pot!"
"Oh, and here's another weird one. She just loooves Scooby Snacks. Yeah. What are the odds?", Weiss figures, "It's like finding the really hot chick who loves playing video games, eating Hot Pockets, and living in your mother's house."
Chibi Yang shrugs, "Or the one who likes Vince Vaughn tied to a bed with a sock in his mouth-"
"IT WORKS IN CONTEXT!", told Yang to her chibi self.
Doc says when the same scene had Scooby barking at a cat in the plane before Fred flick his nose to stop, but Scoob punches the latter in the face; "Did that...dog just punch someone?"
"Yeah, Scooby performed physical assault. I don't know if I'm for that.", uninterested Ruby.
Chibi Ruby genuinely said, "Yeah, I'll admit, part of my childhood feels ravaged."
"So they get to the island and find out it was Mr. Bean who called them there. Why? Because not only does he have a mystery for them to solve, but he wanted to see them all back together to relive that nostalgic feeling.", Ruby commentaried.
Chibi Ruby reminded, "There's that word again. I don't think you know the proper meaning.", as her normal self sighed, while Rowan Atkinson (known for playing as Mr. Bean)'s character, Emile Mondavarious, in the movie deduced to the Mystery Machine gang that a magic spell was affecting the arrived visiting inhabitants of Spooky Island, "Now wait a minute. Magic spells? Come on, the original Scooby-Doo made it very clear that there's no such thing as supernatural elements in their world. Just a talking dog who has an appetite for six-foot sandwiches!"
Doc praises, "Oh, thanks for being the voice of reason."
"No problem. You're welcome.", Chibi Ruby replies.
Yang synopsizes, "So they try to figure out what's been causing all the teenagers on the island to act so strange by looking into one of the closed attractions.", as the Mystery Machine gang in the movie enter the island's haunted house and split up to look for clues, "I didn't think it was possible, but this Fred actually has less of a personality than the original Fred. In fact, they probably just picked an actor who could already answer to his name."
"You know, normally it's the actors chewing the scenery. Not the scenery chewing the actors.", Doc noted.
Ruby agreed, "Yeah, that's a good point. Even the sets have a little too much going on. It's hard to make much of it out to appreciate the design, and the actors often get lost in it. But it's okay. It won't distract from the pointless slapstick we have here.", as the movie shows someone activating a switch and starting the ride, causing Daphne, Fred and Velma to get caught in the ride carts.
"Why is this funny in a cartoon, and not really here?", asked Chibi Yang.
Blake and Weiss state, "Because a cartoon goes out of its way to convince you that it's alive, and this film goes out of its way to convince you there's no life in it whatsoever."
"Well, I guess that does make sense, huh, girls?", Chibi Blake and Chibi Weiss asked.
Team RWBY says, "It does. It really does. But first, we'll be right back."
"Great Sc-c-c-cott!", Doc exasperated, "We'll be right back!"
"We'll be right back!", chibi RWBY says in unison.
To be continued...
