Blake and Weiss' Commentary of Pearl Harbor (Part 3 - Final)
"So President Roosevelt and his rubber double chin plan to fight back and finally enter into war.", Blake told after she and Weiss woke up from their short romantic nap and continued the review, "That is so damn clichéd, but you know what? It's FDR! I'll give it a pass. That is one of the most incredible motherfuckers who ever lived, I...I'm surprised his wheelchair didn't turn into a Transformer.", describing and saying, "Fire consumes the Cabinet and his theme song plays him off. It's the one time I wanna see Michael Bay go more over-the-top, I'm not gonna lie."
Weiss said as they watched the next scene with Rafe and Evelyn, "Oh, crap, I forgot about this horseshit...and there's no more Japanese bomber planes to save me now!", adding, "Rafe would also be saying, 'It just...didn't keep me from leaving you.'", also synopsizing, "But it turns out Kate has an even bigger secret.", as the movie reveals Evelyn is pregnant, "Yes, as any soldier will tell you, a loving woman by your side and a child on the way wouldn't be a good motivator at all. You should offer ice cream. Ice. Cream."
"So once again, Affleck and Hartnett are assigned together... Awkward! And once again, Dolittle tries to see if he can talk with the animals.", says the Faunus, "He'd also add, 'It's not quite as complicated as your million dollar French words, but I think you can deduce what it means.'", commenting; "And if it doesn't seem pretty ridiculous asking grown men what words that even a five-year old would recognize mean, how about asking grown men to listen to a speech that even a five-year old would write? Oh, and I mean it. Every overused clichéd phrase ever used in a speech is used in this dialogue. Like, 'this is a dangerous mission', 'look to the man next to you, he's dead', and 'victory belongs to those who believe in it the most'. We think these people might disagree, but screw it. Let's end with the most clichéd of all, we shit you not, 'those who are brave enough, step forward'."
The Schnee girl explained, "Look at those brave American men who can do no wrong. Watch as they kill innocent civilians on their dangerous raid...oh, wait, we're not gonna show the part that really happened? Okay. Well, in that case, why don't we show you the part that didn't happen? When those evil Japanese fired on our civilians at the hospital. It's true. History's written by the winners. Or...people so secure about how good their country is that they have to constantly edit it to remind you how good it is."
"But, Weiss. It's already said it never happened. That's the movie's interpretation.", corrected Blake, "But after their raid, they crash land in China, where Japanese armies are waiting. This makes Affleck's gun growl. No, really, it growls. And Hartnett is shot in the crossfire.", as Rafe was cradling Danny's body as the latter dies, "He would've said, 'Oh, I wish you'd told me. It would've been a great motivator not to be shot...'", while the couple cries when seeing this scene, "So Hartnett kicks the bucket, the Chinese come to rescue them, Affleck tells the news to Kate, who...takes it pretty well. We guess her whole role in this movie is just to be told men are dead. And they have their child offscreen."
Weiss finished as they saw the scene where Rafe was telling his son (named after his friend Danny) if he likes to go flying, "He can also say, 'Yeah, enough of your dead daddy. There's a plane we can fly! Oooh!'", and ending the movie by saying, "And it...doesn't really even end on that big of a note. I guess the film knew that most of the audience had to pee or already walked out, so they just sort of slapped the credits over it. And that was...a terrible movie."
Both Blake and Weiss say their overall review of Pearl Harbor, "You know those crappy after-school specials that want to talk to you about drugs but clearly have no idea what they're talking about? That's sort of like Michael Bay and history. If you wanna tell a horrible love story, fine, but leave our dead soldiers out of it. Because in the end, it doesn't work as good fiction, and it doesn't work as good history. And honestly, it's just strange that Michael Bay would even try it. We mean, clearly his niche is box office crap, not historical drama."
Weiss sighs, "We mean, that's his calling. It's always been his calling. we wonder when he realized that."
"Hey.", Blake says, asking seductively, "Want to make love some more?"
Her girlfriend said, "Definitely...", as the two slowly leaned closer and kissed.
Their kiss suddenly intensified, as both girls laid on the bed together and start having sex.
In that moment, Ruby and Yang entered the room.
"Girls, we got a surprise for you-", the leader of team RWBY said, with the two holding two small bags of movies from HMV once again, dropping them when seeing what's happened.
Weiss moans during her and Blake's private time, "Oh, Blake! YES, BLAKE! Yes! YES!"
"We're...", Yang shockingly spoke, "...just gonna come back...", as she and Ruby grab their shopping bags and close the door slowly before shutting it.
End of Blake and Weiss' Commentary of Pearl Harbor
Up Next: Ruby's Commentary of Mamma Mia!
