In this fifteenth non-canon review, Ruby and Yang review one of the most underrated Warner Bros. Family Entertainment and Richard Rich animated films, The King and I. But as they recap the movie, they think to theirselves if whether or not the movie matches up with the original.
BEACON
"Hello, I'm Ruby..."
"...and I'm Yang."
"We both remember it so you don't have to.", Ruby and Yang both said.
Ruby starts off, "Let's talk a little history.", as a crowd sound effect was heard, "Shut up! You're gonna learn something! And I know this isn't related to Remnant's history, but it's more like Asian history.", teaching; "In 1862, Anna Leonowens was given the opportunity to teach the many wives and children of Mongkut, the King of Siam. She accepted and later wrote a series of memoirs about her experience called The English Governess and the Siamese Court. The memoirs were...controversial, to say the least. Many saying she exaggerated or downright fabricated her influence on the King, and that she reduced a man who was a Buddhist monk for 27 years into a cruel, extreme, even violent monarch."
"Years later, Margaret Landon wrote a fictionalized, or even more fictionalized version called Anna and the King of Siam, again reinforcing Anna as the revolutionary and Mongkut as the harsh, eccentric ruler. Thailand, on the other hand, finally said 'HEY! We've had it up to here with your bullshit! We're going to write our own version for English readers, which will later become Mongkut, the King of Siam! And our writings will be placed in the Library of Congress, for all you readers to see the truth. Maybe then, America will know the true history of our beloved ki-'", Yang also noted and expressed.
Ruby sprang and said, "MUSICAL!", referring about the King and I musical.
"'Oh, goddamn it!'", snickered Yang at the end of her expression, laughing harmoniously with her sister Ruby.
The leader of team RWBY said, "Rodgers and Hammerstein's The King and I came out, glorifying Landon's book and making her story more popular than it's ever been. So the controversy about telling only one side of the story continued from here on. But then another adaptation came out, this time in animated form, under the same name, The King and I."
Ruby and Yang's Commentary of The King and I (Part 1)
"Animated and released by Warner Bros. Family Entertainment and Richard Rich's Nest Family Entertainment in 1999 by the same director of The Swan Princess, this movie surely would offer a new outlook on history and myth, not unlike something like The Prince of Egypt did, like taking a relatively famous tale but updating it with modern dramatic storytelling while still coming from a different but respectful point of view.", Ruby's blonde sister says before taking out the Mongkut, the King of Siam book, "Perhaps Thailand's dignified look on their beloved King will finally come to light. So tell me, how does this look back on history begin?"
The two of them saw a snippet in the movie's opening where an Asian dragon suddenly appears during a stormy night at sea with the film's main characters.
Yang and Ruby were unfazed, as the former throws the book above them and uses her Ember Cecilia weapons to shoot it off-screen to make pages rain down on both siblings.
"This is The King and I.", introduced Ruby as she tried keeping her cool.
The King and I
Ruby continued, "Did we see that right? We mean, did we REALLY see that right?! A dragon?! We're starting off The King and I with a FUCKING DRAGON?! What band of bum-diots produced this cinematic idiocy-", as she and Yang discover it was made by Rankin/Bass as they figured in anger, "NOW that makes sense! Rankin/Bass; the same animation team who made those stop-motion specials...that put more emphasis on the stop than the motion...and produced a whole slew of what I like to call awkward-mation, the cartoons that were never good, but you were just so fascinated by how strangely they moved that you have no choice but to keep watching. This film doesn't even have that distinction. It has good animation. To an extent. It's good Warner Bros. animation trying to be good Disney animation resulting in BAD Warner Bros. animation. But honestly, we're probably getting ahead of ourselves. Let's look at how this film begins."
"The governess is being transported to Thailand during a nasty storm. Clearly, she's already doing a bang-up duty of her job, as her son is climbing the edge of the boat for his pet monkey. I'm sure she'll do great looking after those kids.", Yang describes the opening as Louis, the son of Anna in the movie, rescues his pet monkey before being rescued by Anna and the captain, just as the movie then shows the two antagonists watching the events through a magic mirror, "When we saw that, I'd honestly be like, 'Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the loosest adaptation of all?'", correcting, "Actually, this is the prime minister, Kralahome. In the original film, he's a stone-faced traditionalist who believes in the old ways, trying to help the King run a good government but still keep true to his traditions. This one comes...pretty close. Here, he's an evil wizard who wants to dethrone the King by using his magic powers to take over all of Siam."
The leader of team RWBY notified, "And they said the Japanese fired at hospitals. That's what Blake and Weiss told us from their Pearl Harbor review after their sex session.", giggling before saying, "Upon hearing that the school teacher is arriving, he comes up with a plan so evil, that it makes rats jump out of his shadow. You heard right, rats jump out of his shadow.", asking, "Isn't that like one of the missing Grinch lyrics? Going like, 'You're a mean one, Kralahome... You have rats in your shadow...! You dance as horribly as a drunk Ricky Ricardo, Kralahoooo-ome... Thank God the person this is based on is dead and he has no estate to sue you, because if they could, they probably would...!'"
"Nice job!", high-fived the blonde huntress to her sister, "He also has a sidekick, played by Darrell Hammond, named Master Little. Why does he have a sidekick in this version? Because everybody has a funny little sidekick in this movie! In fact, we can probably just go ahead and start the funny little sidekick count! One, the monkey; two, the most racist interpretation since Breakfast at Tiffany's, Master Little; three, the Dragon- Eh, okay, we won't count him. But, yeah, I'd say, let's address the white elephant in the room, but we don't need to. It's one of the funny little sidekicks coming up, counting as number four to the list!", synopsizing, "And speaking of awkwardness that needs to be addressed, Kralahome does indeed send a dragon to attack them...which doesn't make sense, seeing how a second ago, he said he wanted her for his plans, so why is he trying to scare her away?"
Ruby continued, "But thankfully, Anna has a foolproof way to fight him off...whistling. You heard right! In fact, we're gonna be saying that phrase a lot in this review.", as the two siblings watch the scene where Anna and the others sing I Whistle a Happy Tune, "She starts whistling...which, of course, leads into the famous song.", asking during their reaction to the musical sequence, "Now, in the original, she tells her son she whistles because she's afraid to meet the King, and sometimes, her nerves get to her. Here, IT'S A FRIGGIN' DRAGON! Kill it with fire! Spears! Rocks! But not a musical number! You should be singing about the wonders of a semi-automatic!"
"Oh, and twirling. Yes, twirling will confuse the savage beast! Where dinosaurs always based their sight on movement, dragons apparently base their sight on...not-movement. So I guess they eat a lot of rocks. But you want to know the really bizarre thing about all of this? And trust me, it's not an easy sentence to say considering what we put onscreen. No, no. The really bizarre thing about all of this is...IT WORKS!", Yang discussed another part of the sequence, saying, "You heard right! Yes, the dragon disappears!", as they saw the dragon disappear as Anna and the others whistle at the song's climax.
The silver-eyed huntress imagined, "I guess whistling and twirling are now permanent additions to the Naval Defense! We don't want to know if the Atlas Military does this too.", shuddering; "So they make it to Epcot Thailand where Anna is finally introduced to the King, his high-fiving panther who is #4 to the funny little sidekick count, his penis' resume, their cuddly sidekicks which is also #5 in the funny little sidekick count, and, of course...his possible multiple wives?", presuming, "Yeah, in the original, there's no mistake. They're definitely his wives. But here, they never clarify whether these are wives or servants. We guess either way, it doesn't matter, as we can just assume he's putting his dick in them, but still, a little clarity would be nice."
"While one of the newer servants is shown around the palace, she comes across her own cuddly playmate...which is Funny Little Sidekick #6...", said the blonde huntress as they watch a scene with the servant Tuptim meeting an adorable elephant, "...and the King's eldest son, Liu Kang, also known as Prince Chulalongkorn.", as she and Ruby watch over a scene where the prince Chulalongkorn meets Tuptim, "I bet he'd say when Tuptim she's an object like a rug given to the king, 'Oh, good, I'm glad you know that. You see, usually, I have to talk to girls and treat them like individuals, but you seem to be ahead of the game.'", before summarizing; "But Thai Jafar, Kralahome, seems to have a new sinister plan."
As the two siblings see the part where Kralahome tells his new plan to Master Little about harming the boy in which the king would be blamed for, Ruby emanated, "So first, it was make the King look like a barbarian to Anna, then it was scare Anna away with a dragon. Now it's try to kill Anna's son? You're like a one-man political debate. You can't stay agreed on anything.", noting, "Add two more lyrics to his Grinch song, like 'You lack focus, Kralahome... You need some Adderall...'", giggling afterwards with her sister before they see the part where Master Little shows Anna's son Louis around the armory as cartoonish antics ensue with the former.
"So while most of the audience refills their popcorn, because clearly they know the next two minutes is nothing but armory shenanigans, Shang Tsung Kralahome decides to write a letter to the British Fleet to make it look like the King is treating Anna horribly.", recapitulated Yang as they saw a scene with Sir Edward in the movie being sent a letter as it flies off the tray and causing him and two other sailors to undergo more cartoon hijinks to get the letter before it goes overboard; "Twelve trees died to give you that scene, folks. Was it worth it?", before seeing the part where Edward plans to go to Siam to dethrone the King after reading the letter, "I bet he'd say in short note, 'We got a random letter. Let's destroy a nation!'", as the two laughed.
The leader of team RWBY continued, "But of course, Anna is fine, but apparently having trouble teaching her pupils.", as she and her sister see the next part where Anna was teaching the Siamese children of the king although the prince presumes that Siam isn't small and claims to be the center of the whole universe, "You know, the irony is that this misunderstanding of history from delusional people at the top who think they're always right can just as easily be translated into American film animation. We mean, really think about it.", before they see Anna then start singing the next song in the movie, Getting to Know You, "So this leads to the musical's most famous song, and coincidentally, the most annoying. But honestly, it sounds magical, but still annoying."
"Thank Oum once again the focus isn't on the interaction of the characters or their relationships, but rather an excuse to have the comic relief distract us with their rushed dumbass humor.", Yang stated as they saw the musical sequence while the monkey was having some cartoon antics with Master Little as the latter tries to thwart them, "This serves especially humorous here as the song is entitled Getting To Know You, and yet by paying more attention to the dragons, animals, and comedic antics, WE DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THESE PEOPLE! It's like everything that should be in the foreground is in the background and everything that should be in the background is in the foreground!", exampling, "I mean, it's like people focusing more on the attire we wear than the person actually wearing it!"
Ruby reminded, "That reminds us. Let's go take a break while we choose something else to wear for today...", Ruby said, concluding part one of their King and I review.
"Indeed.", Yang agreed as the two left their room for their dress-up change...
To be continued...
