Kitty spent half an hour searching the house for Mary before finding her in the garden, why would she be in the garden? Mary was notoriously against exercise of any sort, even though she did enjoy horse riding which she claimed hardly counted as exercise as you were sitting down the entire time. "Why on earth are you out here?" she shouted as soon as she was within calling distance.
"Don't shout Kitty its very unladylike"
"Your shouting"
"Only to tell you to stop, so it doesn't count!" Huffing Kitty tried not to smile as she glared at her sister. When it came to Mary an unusually large amount of things didn't count, taking the last scone, listening at doors like her sisters, borrowing the horse only used for ploughing from the Grangers over the hill who always welcomed Mary's company after she found their daughter who had wandered off last Christmas and fallen asleep in a snowbank.
"I've been looking for you for at least half an hour, you weren't in the living room,"
"Obviously as I'm here"
"Or the kitchen" Kitty continued as if Mary hadn't spoken,
"Yes, Kitty I'm aware"
"Or even in the front parlour! I thought for sure you would be at the pianoforte. Lydia isn't at home so you could probably have played for a full half hour before anyone thought to complain."
Laughing Mary sat on the low wall surrounding the small wilderness at the end of the garden "I'm not sure anyone will ever succeed in breaking through one of your monologues when your determined to be vexed." Standing again they began to walk slowly around the garden together "Besides, I can't play the pianoforte, or read my books or even attempt to sew badly. My eyes seem to need more time than I thought to readjust after using those glasses for so long."
"Oh, I hadn't thought of that. But you always said they were just a little off and gave you headaches. I can't tell you how relieved I was when you first told me that! I'd always thought you just didn't like anyone, its very nice to realise your just in a permanent bad mood"
"I'm so sorry my constant pain has been such a burden on you" Mary turned abruptly and walked back to the wall to sit again. Sighing her sister followed her more slowly, giving her time to calm her anger.
"I'm sorry Mary, I know its been difficult. I still don't understand why Papa always insisted you wear them." Seeing her sister start to fold in on herself slightly Kitty decided to dive into the real reason they needed to talk before Mary lost what courage she seemed to have found overnight. "But never mind that for now, we have to tell Jane."
Startled Mary looked at her sister, leaning back slightly to try and focus better "Tell her what?"
"About Lizzy. And papa I suppose but I think she may already see more of his character than she lets on, no one in the house escapes his notice after all. But she's been asking me questions again and this time I don't think she'll accept excuses."
"Oh Kitty, why do you think she'd believe us now. Lizzy has always been carful not to let Jane see her more, creative side shall we call it. You didn't even believe me until she started to direct some of her vitriol at you."
"Yes, but this time is different! Can't you feel it? I never thought I cared one jot about that blasted entail"
"Kitty!"
Waving off her sisters censure she continued "But ever since Mr Collins said it was broken, I've felt like a weight has lifted. Jane feels it too, I could see it in her eyes, she may be ready to hear us, help us. And you can't even deny it because if you didn't know what I was talking about you would be able to see how many fingers I'm holding up" Kitty grinned triumphantly at her sister.
"Your hands behind your back" Mary pointed out rolling her eyes.
"Doesn't matter, my point still stands. We are going to talk to her. Now!" Grabbing Mary's arm, she proceeded to drag her into the house.
"Can we at least go by the kitchen first? Cook was making cookies this morning" Pausing slightly, she thought that wasn't a bad idea.
"Ok, but just one….and perhaps a cut of tea…. two at most…." So, they entered the house determined and slightly hungry, but this morning would either be the beginning of something, or they didn't know what they would do.
….Jane watched her sisters from the front parlour window, they seemed to have been having quite a heated conversation. She had come very close to laughing when she heard them shouting to each other but managed to pass it off as a cough. Whatever they were talking about was obviously making Mary very upset. And that more than anything bothered Jane. Mary was many things, kind, mischievous in the right setting, very perceptive but she didn't really get upset very often. Not since they were younger.
Turning back to the room she decided to focus on one problem at a time. She was currently having tea with Lizzy and Mr Collins but neither of them seemed to like the other, conversation was stilted at best and the atmosphere was more oppressive than she was used to. But then Mr Bingley and Mr Darcey arrived to ask after her health, and all thought of anyone else in her family fled her mind. He was so thoughtful and attentive. Jane really thought she might be in love with him and she couldn't help giving him her full attention, a clear sign of preference in her opinion, and she lost herself in his visit for a full half hour.
When he rose to leave, she thought maybe she should have paid more attention to the others as the atmosphere seemed to be even worse than before somehow…oh dear. Once the gentlemen had gone, she decided to find Mary and Kitty, perhaps they would be more willing to talk than Lizzy seemed to be at present. She would have to find out later what was bothering her sister, but that could wait. Mr Collins had decided to take a turn around the garden.
When she found them, they appeared to have eaten an entire plate of cookies and as many cups of tea. "May I join you or is this a private event" she smiled at them, taking a seat beside Kitty at the small table.
"Jane! How did you get here?" Mary frowned at Kitty who had snorted at the question
"Well, I have lived here longer than you dear and am aware of where the kitchen is. Mr Bingley just left" she blushed slightly as her sisters shared a knowing look "and I thought now would be a good time to have that conversation we were talking about."
Her sisters looked at each other, both seeming to have difficulty finding where to begin. At first, she found this quite funny, neither one of them had ever been this tongue tied around her before, but after ten minutes she had enough "This is ridiculous! What could possibly have happened yesterday to cause you both to be so upset? And what did you mean this morning about Lizzy?" here she turned to Kitty who in turn looked at Mary like a scared rabbit.
"Before I begin Jane just let me ask you one thing. Can you listen to what we have to say, all of what we have to say, and keep an open mind?" Mary asked, holding a cookie out to her eldest sister
"Thank you" she said absentmindedly taking the cookie "Of course I will listen to everything you have to say, why wouldn't I" Mary sat up straighter and brushed crumbs off her skirt.
"I suppose it all begins at my first assembly, or at least that's when I first became aware of it. I had been looking forward to it for weeks, finally being able to join you and Lizzy in the adult world, take part in your conversations and start to feel equal in a way. But of course, it was nothing like that. From the moment I stepped foot in the assembly hall I could feel people watching me, talking about me. At first I thought it was perfectly normal, it was my first assembly after all so I wasn't quite sure what to expect but then I began to hear the whispers." She paused here to fill a cup of tea for them all and gave her sisters another cookie. "I thought it was just idle gossip at first, anyone who has spent time with mama knows how a small event can become biblical given enough time and embellishment, but then I began to notice similarities. I had plenty of time to listen to conversations of course, don't look at me like that Jane" Jane had in fact been frowning quite severely at her sister, eavesdropping never lead to anything good.
"I'm sorry Mary, please continue" she accepted another cookie.
"Thank you. Now, where was I? Oh yes, I only listened as I heard my name repeated over and over. How strange I was, how anti-social. I heard how they all knew I thought myself above them all because of my superior accomplishments (already widely known to be non-existent), how I only read Fordyce's sermons and would not even let a novel in the same room without a stern lecture, how I would often sermonise on idea's I didn't fully understand and make a fool of my entire family. Everyone knew this. Of course they did, Lizzy had told them all about me." Jane was shocked, she had heard these things about her sister but thought it was due to Mary's lack of confidence and misunderstandings, that people often got the wrong end of the stick. And Mary never did put herself forward so how could the misconception be corrected?
"But Mary there is a mistake! Lizzy would never, Never! Spread lies about you." She stood up and began pacing the kitchen "How could you even accuse her of such a thing?" Mary handed her another cookie "And where in heavens name do you keep getting these cookies from!" Shouting the last sentence Jane made to leave the room. Her hand was on the door handle when she heard the whisper
"I told you she wouldn't listen" It was said with such a sense of acceptance that it made Jane pause. She turned around and slowly retook her seat at the table.
"You said you'd listen." Looking at Kitty she flinched slightly at the look of reproach being levelled at her "You promised Jane…didn't you?….I think you did…Anyway it doesn't matter. If you really want to know what's wrong, you need to understand! And when has Mary ever lied to you? About anything? Think Jane, just for a moment, just this once can you say the same of Lizzy? Alright perhaps she never lied to you directly, but has she never shouted when you disagree with her? Made light of your opinions so you second guess them?...Please….."
A thousand thoughts whirled through Janes mind. How could Kitty possibly know? So many things began to slot into place, so very nearly making sense that she could almost feel them. Looking Mary in the eye she knew there would be no going back, she needed to believe or at lease admit that they may be a little right "I'm listening, please, continue."
And they did. For an hour Jane was told about little nothings that could devastate a person when taken all together. Assumptions made by society in general because Lizzy was known to them, whereas Mary and Kitty had been unknown. And who else would know them better than a sister. Being told to read books they didn't enjoy and then teased about it, Lizzy whispering judgments at them and then turning around and asking something completely different, as if trying to include them in conversation, before they had managed to get over the shock of her criticism. So much she had missed because she never thought to look. Who would do that to their family? To anyone? But it all made sense, it had all happened. Every instance they spoke of she had been there or had heard about it afterwards, but Lizzy always made it sound so reasonable. And it never was a very big thing until you stepped back and saw the big picture, except that picture was being painted by someone else. A distorted picture that they were forced to play along with.
Looking at her sisters Jane realised that Mary never had played along, she just seemed to have shrunk into herself when around people outside of the family. And the family just didn't see it. She hadn't seen it. Oh, Lizzy was right she was naive, and stupid and probably a lot of other words she'd never heard of before would apply quite justly to her.
"Kitty why did you go along with it? I understand now, or at least I'm trying to and I am so sorry, to both of you. It must have been awful, but you do follow Lydia about and I'm sorry to say your behaviour can be quite unacceptable at times." Kitty took another cookie before responding
"Honestly Jane it was just easier. I don't really care what other people think, not knowing that they care more about what Lizzy says than what I do, and Lydia is at least fun, she can be cruel at time but it's more a thoughtless neglect of anyone who isn't important. Which of course means anyone who isn't Lydia."
They spoke some more but were eventually made to leave by a very irate cook who had been waiting to start dinner for quite some time but didn't feel right about disturbing the young ladies when they were having such an interesting conversation. Agreeing to meet in Mary's room that night to talk some more they left to dress for dinner. Jane had no idea what she would say to Lizzy when she saw her but that was a problem for another day. She could observe everyone tonight with clearer sight and pretend for one night that nothing was wrong. At least she hoped she could.
