In this nineteenth non-canon review, team RWBY review another one of M. Night Shyamalan's worst films, The Happening. But as they review it, they begin to wonder if this movie would begin taking advantage of them when some of their friends started acting strange...

BEACON

Team RWBY return to their dorm room after watching the M. Night Shyamalan movie The Happening, and they were heading on their way, they pass by an androgynous person named Joanna Greenleaf, who is one of Robyn Hill's most trusted Happy Huntresses.

"Oh! Hey. You must be Joanna Greenleaf, one of Robyn Hill's Happy Huntresses, right?", Ruby said.

Joanna replied, "Yes, I am. Nice to meet you all."

"Nice to meet you too-", greeted Yang.

She then said, "Did you know that 1/3 of the world's oranges are grown in Brazil?"

"What an odd thing to say. Of course.", Blake said, a bit suspicious of this.

Joanna excused, "I guess it's sort of my quirk. Oranges."

"Okay, now if you excuse us, we have a review to do.", Weiss politely said as they were about to go, but suddenly came face to face with another of Robyn's Happy Huntresses, Fiona Thyme.

Ruby yelped, "GAH! Oh my goodness, you scared us! I presume you're Fiona Thyme, another one of the Happy Huntresses, huh? Pleased to meet you."

"As you know, there are two types of people in this world. Those who believe that evil is good and those who believe that evil is evil.", Fiona informed.

Yang rose an eyebrow, "Why are you spewing that sloppy, unfocused philosophy?", before she, Ruby, Blake and Weiss were startled by another person when turning around, with another Happy Huntress named May Marigold.

"May Marigold?", Ruby surprised.

May suspiciously said, "I hear you guys whispering. Plan on stealing something?"

"What are you talking about? Why is nobody talking right today?", Blake confused.

The Happy Huntress added, "Plan on murdering me in my sleep? It won't let it happen."

"What? We aren't trying to-", Weiss objected before team RWBY make a realization, "Oh my gods..."

They hear Joanna say, "Around 85% of oranges are produced for juice."

"As you know, the world is filled with people who do not understand the ramifications of...", Fiona droned on.

May threatened, "While you're here, I may as well make you suffer, but I really don't know why."

"My gods. We know what this is. We know what's going on here. This is like...The Happening.", Ruby realized their worst fear of the said movie.

Team RWBY then manage to reach their dorm room, closing and locking the door behind them, leaving Joanna, Fiona and May outside the room.

The leader of team RWBY then says, "I should've seen the warning signs. The bad monotone acting, the dialogue that makes no sense whatsoever, and Europe may be loving his films for some reason! Who knows who'll be next? If I'm not careful, all of us could end up like the actors from The Happening!"

RWBY's Commentary of The Happening (Part 1)

"Based on a title so lazily vague that the film does everything in its power to justify it, The Happening has garnered a reputation as one of the most entertainingly bad movies ever made. Yep, right up there with The Room, Troll 2, and Jupiter Ascending, give it time.", described Ruby's sister.

The Faunus and the Schnee girl then said, "For years, we've made references to this trainwreck, but have never given it a full review analyzing why it's so bad, it's...actually kind of amazing.", cutting to the chase, "So let's take a look to figure out what, how and..well, we'll never figure out why, it's Shyamalan. This is The Happening."

The Happening

Ruby began, "It starts off in New York as two women do what Shyamalan thinks two women do, read a book at the same time...", watching the part where two women read at the park and one of them says to the other they're at the place where the killers decide on what to do with the crippled girl, "Good thing I was reading that exact same sentence.", continuing, "...as the crowd suddenly realizes they're on The Truman Show.", as they watch the woman suddenly kill herslf by stabbing on the neck, "Well, that's what I would do if we found out we were in The Happening. Looks a lot like Bird Box to us."

"Just down the street doesn't seem to be much better.", Yang summarizes as the next snippet shows a group of construction workers witnessing one of their co-workers dead, "Oh, no, not poor Christ McKenzie!", before saying, "But it's raining men, as everybody's apparently committing suicide or having a hell of a time catching road runners. This leads us to our main character Elliot, played by Mark Wahlberg.", as the next part examples Mark Wahlberg's charcter telling his students about the news of honeybees disappearing, "If you have not burst out into laughter yet from the mere delivery of that line, then you are watching the greatest drama you've ever seen in your life."

Blake pointed out, "No, seriously, where's the real performance? That can't be for real. We mean, this is Mark Wahlberg, a pretty damn good actor. But we're not kidding, he does the whole performance like this. It's like he's on a 2AM infomercial.", as they watch over the scene again, "He's like, 'Scary, huh? Well, you can track them down with our new honeybee tracker.'", synopsizing, "As we quickly discover, he's not that great a teacher either.", as the movie shows Elliot talking to one of the students named Jake and telling him he needs to be more interested in science, "It'll make you talk like Luke Skywalker if his whinyness levels were pushed to 20?"

"Yes. Take an interest in science after I literally insulted your face! Hey, Suzie? You interested in science? Well, that's because you're a slut!", Weiss responded to this scene as well, before continuing; "In typical Shyamalan style, Jake comes up with the laziest answer worded in a way that's trying to sound important.", with Jake in the movie saying that it's an act of nature that they never fully explain it; "And that's how you got a D in this class, kid. Or 'Nice answer, Jake', whatever."

The leader of team RWBY agrees, "Yeah, great science teacher there. Something, something, something...magic. Like all great scholars, he acknowledges that science is just a temporary solution for the real answer, which is just shrugging our arms saying...we don't know.", as the next snippet shows the vice principal coming in the class with Elliot pretending to be scared and asking her what he could do, "She might've said, 'Well, you can clear out your desk, asshole. What do you think I'm gonna say after that?!'", condensing, "So while the teachers are forced to abandon their students...typical protocol?...as they're all gathered in one room to be told about the crisis sweeping America.", the movie then exampling a part where the principal reports of an event happening and allegedly saying that an airborne chemical toxin was the cause.

"Okay, that's a tragedy or an emergency. An event is a sale at Target. You know, for teachers, you're not very good with words!", Yang said with all honesty, replying when Elliot in the movie said that the news in Central Park were odd, "He could add, 'Yeah, terrorists rarely go after landmarks with lots of people.'", abstracting, "This means all the students are let out early.", before saying when Elliot tells the students to remember the rules of scientific investigation, "Good gods, and don't forget to recite the first two chapters of Moby Dick! The students could be reciting, 'Call me Ishmael. Some years ago, never mind how long precisely, having little or no money in my purse...'", making her friends laugh.

Blake said in digest, "So while Wahlberg's friend, played by John Leguizamo, establishes his strange quirk, being his mother...", as Julian tells Elliot that the probability of something similar to happen in Philadelphia is low, "He's like, 'Hey, you stand out now!'", resuming; "...we're introduced to Alma, played by Zooey Deschanel."

"Oh no, we're at the Shyamalan stage where-", Weiss facepalmed.

Suddenly, they heard Fiona outside their room saying, "Guys, as you know, May, Joanna and I have decided we're in love with each other, even though we have no chemistry at all."

"But...you guys worked together a lot before!", the white-haired huntress argued.

Ruby joked in sarcasm, "Whoopee-de-doo."

"No, it's bad. We're having trouble in our relationship. We fear we'll never be a couple again.", May claimed.

Yang feared, "No, no, that's just the Shyamalan-like talking! Where in all of Shyamalan's films, he always has a couple that's going through problems but is obviously going to get together in the end!"

"No, guys. As you know, this is pretty serious. We're having some incredibly vague problems that only a supernatural event can fix.", Fiona rejected the opinion.

Joanna then blurted, "Will you two be quiet? Oranges!"

"Look, just stay in there, try to use logic, and for the love of gods, don't be quirky!", Blake told them.

May replies, "But quirky is charming."

"No, May! It's awkward! AWKWAAAAAAAARD!", Weiss firmly yelled.

Joanna freaked out outside the room, "There are 600 varieties of oranges!", fainting.

"As you'd imagine, Deschanel's acting is about as bad as everyone else's, but there is a certain alien freakiness about her facial expressions. Yeah, she looks like this throughout the entire film. It's like in every shot, she realized she shit her pants, and she wants nobody to realize it.", the leader of team RWBY said as they continued the film review, "Her delivery isn't much better either.", with a scene showing Zooey Deschanel's character Alma says there couldn't be any more evil that could be invented, "How do you even direct somebody to say a line that way? It's like if the director told her, 'All right, Zooey, I want you to act like you're deaf. But in saying this line, you're hearing yourself for the first time, and you don't enjoy what you sound like.'", excusing herself, "That was definitely...a thing."

Her blonde sister encapsulated, "So Wahlberg says he'll meet Deschanel and Leguizamo at the train station.", the said scene being shown as a Shyamalan panning shot was used on Alma, "Why the hell did you shoot it like that? Are you trying to make it look like a stalker?", witnessing the next part where Alma meets Julian's daughter Jess, the latter saying she's hanging in there after being asked how she was, "Mm-hm. Typical seven-year-old response. She's like, 'Hanging in there. Still looking for a job, got those bills to pay. It's hard being a single mother.' No need to offend.", who then said, "So while on the train, they're being told that the panic is spreading.", the following snippet having Alma tell Elliot that her friend told her Boston was hit by the strange occurrences.

"Gods, that college girl who took theater as a blow-off class is acting better than you!", the Faunus preferred as she summarizes, "The train stops suddenly as it looks like they're kicking everybody off.", as the next part showed Elliot disappointingly asking the conductor where they are and he replies they're in Filbert, Pennsylvania; "You know, if you could take the whining of a dog and convert it into a language, it'd be this performance.", who then says, "The danger still seems to be spreading, as one man says farewell to arms in the lion's den.", as Elliot and another person in the film watch a man commit suicide by getting himself mauled by a lion with the person watching the video asking what kind of terrorists they were.

Weiss jokes, "They're such hairy and yellow terrorists. They must be from the land of Oz!", continuing; "So everybody takes off as the virus seems to be right in their neighborhood, and Leguizamo decides to leave his daughter with Wahlberg so he can go back for his wife...because, things always turn out well for people who do that, right?", with Julian telling Alma to take care of his daughter and firmly saying to not take her daughter's hadn unless she means it, "Oh, I'm sorry. Why don't you find another couple to look after the daughter you're lovingly abandoning? You're welcome, asshole!", the next part showing Alma seeing a car which a nursery owner and his wife, stating there's a car; "Very good, Zooey. Now can you tell which one's the plane?"

"So Wahlberg's gang gets a ride with a guy who runs a plant nursery poorly located next to a nuclear power plant... Why do we get the feeling this is all streaming from there?", theorized the leader of team RWBY, "We bet Homer and Mr. Burns from The Simpsons would be in this movie being like, 'D'oh! Mr. Burns, I'm afraid I caused the Happening!' 'Simpson, you idiot! Now we're trapped in an M. Night Shymalian film, and not one of the good ones! Either of them!'", causing them all to laugh to her joke, "They collect a few things before they go, when this...bit of strangeness is said."

When they overview the scene where the nursery guy was talking about hot dogs, Ruby's sister humorously said, "Brought to you by Hot Dogs! Wanna be less cautious about where your meat comes from than Chicken McNuggets? Hot Dogs!", before they then listen to the snippet where he then tells them that the plants were the actual cause, as the four exclaim, "Wait, what?"

"Wow. That's...actually the twist of the movie. It's plants. We know it seems like I'm giving some stuff away early here, but the movie is giving some stuff away earlier here, so what do we care?", the Faunus girl stunned, "We're not even one third into the film and you already gave away the big twist!", before the nursery guy cuts back to talking about hot dogs, "Followed by that!"

The Schnee girl problematically said in confusement, "Do you need to go back to Film 101? You don't give away the twist before you give...away...the twist! You don't open Citizen Kane with 'It's a sled!', it's kind of a no-brainer!"

"Girls, as you know, we know what's caused this Happening.", Fiona suddenly said outside the room.

Ruby asked, "Okay, what?"

"...The walls.", claims May again, giving away the twist.

Yang nodded no, "No, we're not doing that."

"As you know, it makes a lot of sense. If they use lead paints...", demonstrated Fiona.

Blake refuses, "No, even for a parody, we're not doing that."

"You know, oranges typically contain 10 segments. Maybe one of them contains The Happening.", informs Joanna.

Weiss decides, "Fine. Make a connection to that, but we're not doing goddamn walls!"

"How are we supposed to make oranges the twist?", asks May.

Ruby tells them, "We don't know! If the freakin' Giving Tree can be an antagonist in a movie, why can't oranges?! Now get cracking!"

Joanna, May and Fiona didn't say anything in response, as the former then asks her fellow Happy Huntresses, "You guys like oranges?"

To be continued...