Author's Note: The character cameos featured in this review will jumpstart a few other stories similar to this story. Also set in an AU where the Coronavirus hasn't been widespread (like a few of my other stories) and hasn't affected Niagara Falls.

In this twenty-first non-canon review, team RWBY, Pyrrha, Nora and a few special guests visit Niagara Falls to review a movie selected by fans of RWBY as well as the people. But after recieving popular demand and many requests to review the THIRD animated Titanic movie from Italy, In Search of the Titanic (AKA: Tentacolino), their worst Italian-animated Titanic nightmarish fears have been realized, as they watch what appears to be the absolute WORST of all the three movies...

NIAGARA FALLS

"Hello, I'm Ruby..."

"...I'm Yang..."

"...I'm Blake..."

"...and I'm Weiss..."

"AND THIS IS NIAGARA FALLS!", team RWBY exclaimed excitedly.

Yes, team RWBY and a couple of their friends have revisited Earth (via spaceship transport from Remnant) to go to Niagara Falls for a special conference for a movie commentary review chosen by the fans. Indeed, the falls looked peaceful and majestic, the sights of Clifton Hill were a paradise, and the hotel they're staying at, Sheraton on the Falls, was the life.

Ruby anticipates, "I'm at one of the largest waterfalls in the world. And to celebrate, I'm gonna let them...yes, them, the people...decide what we're gonna review next here at Niagara Falls!"

"As you can see, we've got our friends Pyrrha and Nora, as well as some special guests, to come with us to this dazzling hotspot. We're staying at the Sheraton on the Falls Fallsview hotel with an indoor waterpark, two lucurious corner suites and a great view of the Falls, yo!", vlogs Yang to the readers.

Blake and Weiss giggle and embrace each other as they laugh, "Yang, you do know this isn't a vlog, right? But of course, this is one of the best hotels we've ever went to. We only have the weekend left to spend some time here."

"But that's not all, yo! We also have Clifton hill which is home to the most exciting Canadian attractions, like the wax museum Movieland, the Great Canadian Midway arcade, the Funhouse, Ripley's Believe It Or Not Museum and 4D Moving Theater, the Niagara Skywheel, and so much more, yo! There's even a 4D MGM attraction theater, Rainforest Cafe, another arcade in the hotel we're staying at, and the Hard Rock Cafe restaurant, yo! There was once a Planet Hollywood restaurant here, but we're so sad it got closed down, yo!", said Yang in excitement to the readers.

Ruby politely says, "I'm sorry, sis, but would it be okay if you stop saying 'yo' at the end of your sentences?"

"No problem, little sis. I was just joking.", happily apologized her sister as she recaps, "Mostly, this place has EVERYTHING it has to offer! This is like the more efficient and cheaper version of the Las Vegas casinos! And we still have some a ton of savings with us so we don't get two carried away. And luckily there's some new specials happening at Clifton Hill!"

Blake and Weiss nodded no and smiled, "You think we can go to the conference now? It's going to start in less than 10 minutes."

"Seems we have enough time. We can make it since we're already on our way to the hotel.", Yang told her teammates.

Ruby smiles to this and says, "Can't wait to hear what the fans have to say..."


At the conference, team RWBY show up much to the fans' praise and applause, sitting down as the cheers die down.

"How's everyone doing today?", cheered Ruby, causing the audience to cheer as well, "We're so glad that we're here to have this special occasion, and we're letting you have the chance to choose the next movie for us to review!"

Yang supports, "So how about it, everyone? You have us here at Niagara Falls. What would you like us to review?"

The audience replied;

"The third animated Titanic movie! The third animated Titanic movie!"

"What?", Blake and Weiss said as the two, Ruby and Yang couldn't believe what they hard.

Ruby clearly thought out loud, "Really? 'Cause we...could've sworn you all were gonna choose the Marilyn Monroe movie Niagara, where the romance between her and Joseph Cotton has been described as a raging torrent of emotion that even nature can't control."

"THE THIRD ANIMATED TITANIC MOVIE!", the audience demanded cheerfully.

Yang suggests her team's opinion, "But Monroe plays a tantalizing temptress that kisses fired men's souls! You can't deny such poorly worded smut!"

"THE THIRD ANIMATED TITANIC MOVIE!-!-!", the audience yells.

Ruby and Yang reluctantly give in, "All right! Fine. We'll review this movie that has nothing to do with Niagara Falls, but you guys have wanted us to review for quite some time. Will that make you happy?"

"YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!", the audience went wild, roaring and cheering joyously in response.

As they cheered, team RWBY couldn't help but smile at the audience before they decided to leave the conference room.


"What about the movie? Were you supposed to show it to the audience at the conference and review it to them?", Pyrrha wondered and worries to team RWBY as they going across one of the Sheraton hotel floor's hallways.

Ruby and Yang answered, "It doesn't matter! The people have made up their minds!"

"But I was hoping there would be some free food.", Nora gloomed in disappointment, "But on the bright side, we still can go around the majesty and leisurement of Niagara Falls."

Blake agreed, "And a stay at the hotel too. Glad we all have a suite all to ourselves. We could even have sex later on tonight for all three pairs including me and Weiss, Ruby and Yang, and Pyrrha and Nora."

"Yea-ah.", said Pyrrha, who loved this idea as she made a lenny face to Nora.

Nora also said, "But what about the guest stars?"

"I guess they could even spend some time with us for the rest of this vacation and tell them about what happened at the conference.", Weiss figures out.

Ruby volunteered, "I'll tell them.", as they reach the door where the guest stars' corner suite was at nearby RWBY, Pyrrha and Nora's other corner suite. She then opens the door and says to the unknown guest stars, "Show's cancelled. It looks like we can all spend time together for the rest of this vacation, so if you do mind, we can all go out and having a rocking good time for the afternoon and evening, how does it sound? But you see, me and my teammates have a movie to review by ourselves, and we'll...see you later. Okay, then. Bye!", closing the door.

The guest stars Ruby was talking to appear to be Athena Cykes from Ace Attorney, Sarge and Church from Red vs. Blue, Zuko, Ty Lee and Mai from Avatar: The Last Airbender, and lastly Sinon and Leafa from Sword Art Online.

"Well, now that we recieved the news, I'm gonna go get us some more ice.", Sinon insisted and volunteers as she goes to the door.

Leafa smiled, "I'll come with you, love."

As Sinon and Leafa were leaving the room, she felt the door wouldn't budge when she turned the doorknob.

"Uh...guys? The door won't budge.", Garnet told the other guest stars.

Athena Cykes says, "What do you mean it won't budge? Is there something with the door?"

"Yeah, I don't think Ruby did that. Sometimes doors tend to not budge.", Mai told her.

Sinon then sighs, "I'm gonna try to bust it down."

"What?", Ty Lee asked.

The blue-haired sniper then punches the door many times in an attempt to make it budge, but to no avail.

Sinon panted, "It...won't...budge!"

"Oh no...are we stuck in here?", Leafa said, aware of the situation.

Ty Lee started hyperventilating in a panic, "No...we're trapped. We're stuck in here! Help!"

"Ty. Ty, don't worry.", Mai then comforts her fellow firebender, "Hopefully Ruby and her friends will come back later and fix the door. Then we can all go around Niagara Falls and even Clifton Hill."

Ty cutely said to Mai, "Could we even get some ice cream there too?"

"There is ice cream. I ensure you.", confided Mai.

Zuko sighed, "Face it, guys. It looks like we're gonna have to wait. Even if us firebenders try to burn down the budged door, it would set the whole place on fire. We don't want that. Plus, this would keep us in character."

"As what? As if were in an Escape Room movie?", Mai joked.

Sarge opinions, "I was thinking the same thing, or alternatively Cube."

"Yeah. Yeah, Cube was a good movie. More like Identity.", Church agreed.

The colonel agrees back, "Yeah, that too."

"On the bright side, it's a good thing we have some food, water, and even Netflix thanks to Athena.", Sinon credited.

Leafa reasoned, "Which is efficient since it helps pass the time while we're patient enough."

"Yeah, RWBY won't even take too long with the review of theirs.", hoped Sinon.

Athena blustered, "You're welcome. That's why we're gonna watch some episodes of Avatar: The Last Airbender."

"Glad you mentioned that.", Mai and Ty Lee thanked.

Zuko adds, "Not gonna draw the line on that."

"I love doing things with team RWBY. Met them some time ago.", says Athena as a compliment for more future crossovers with team RWBY.

Sinon agrees, "Yeah, we met them too previously. And we're very glad to be part of the action.", as she, her lover Leafa, and the guest stars watch some Netflix while they wait.


Back with team RWBY, the four of them arrive in their corner suite while Pyrrha and Nora go out for a walk together, looking around for a moment.

"This is the life.", Ruby sighed in relaxation. The four of them remove their shoes and socks as they walked barefoot on the carpet, as they manage to set up and sit down on their commentary chairs, beginning the movie review, "For those who don't know, years ago, we've reviewed an animated Titanic musical known as Titanic: The Legend Goes On. Not only was it an obvious rip-off of the James Cameron film, but it had racist singing mice, a forced happy ending, and a rapping dog. Yeah. A rapping dog on the Titanic. It was one of the most tasteless abominations ever!"

Yang includes, "At least it was, until we found another animated Titanic musical called The Legend of the Titanic! It had racist singing mice, a forced happy ending, but...no rapping dog. No, no, no, no, no. That was replaced with a glove-sniffing fetishist, sharks that escape from jail that sink the ship instead of an iceberg, and a giant puppy dog squid who puts the ship back together so that everyone can get out alive. Good chocolate-coated God!"

"As if having two of these in existence wasn't enough for Skynet to wanna kill us, this last one actually got a sequel...because...sinking the Titanic was clearly just Part 1!", Blake and Weiss state, "The sequel's the one we're looking at today, called In Search of the Titanic, also known as Tentacolino."

RWBY's Commentary of The THIRD Animated Titanic Movie (In Search of the Titanic (AKA: Tentacolino))

The leader of team RWBY issued, "Just when you thought things couldn't possibly get any stupider in a world that focuses on the sinking of the Titanic, what does this one throw in? Atlantis! Yeah. Titanic and Atlantis now exist in the same universe!"

"Well, I guess it is the next logical step. It just keeps going in descending order, as if there were other films like Titanic in Atlantis, Titanic in Space, Titanic Assignment Miami Beach, and of course, Titanic in the Hood.", says Ruby's elder sister.

The Faunus explains, "The funny thing is, this wasn't even originally called that. It was originally called Tentacolino, the name of the puppy-pus in the last one, even though he's barely in it! But his name was changed from the Italian version to something more simple, like...Otti or something, whatever..."

"And thus, it became a Titanic movie once again, meaning we have to review it. And believe it or not, it is actually, no joke, not kidding, even worse than the other two! Not one hint of sarcasm, this is the worst one!", the Schnee girl told the movie's ultimate consequence.

Ruby reasons, "Now, we do have this tradition of drinking rather large quantities of coffee and Strawberry Sunrises every time we view one of these. And seeing that this is somehow the absolute worst out of all of them...", before team RWBY started to pray momentarily as she said, "...it's time to push the button.", before they heard something outside.

A thunderstorm brews in the skyline, with rumbling thunder and a mix of brown, red, orange and yellow storm clouds.

Pyrrha and Nora witness what was happening as well as team RWBY back in their suite, where they then see strawberries, as well as huge drops of coffee and strawberry sunrises started raining down from the heavens.

Ruby then presses a button as this delivers a couple building-sized glasses, bigger than the ones from the last Titanic review and not harming Niagara Falls, the buildings or the pedestrians, which in turn would collect the coffee and Strawberry Sunrises RWBY needs for their review.

"Oh, I feel like there's a hangover going on!", intimately said Nora, as she and Pyrrha decide to go to the gigantic glasses to have a drink as well.

After this, Ruby then says, "Let us begin."

In Search of the Titanic (Tentacolino)

Ruby begins, "We start with the recap of the last film, and...if you think you know the story of the Titanic and don't need a recap, you clearly haven't seen it from writers whose everyday dinner looks like Elmer's Rubber Cement.", joking, "Plus, the opening credits would have Old Rose saying, 'It was called the Rip-Off of Dreams. And it was. It really was...'", commenting; "It says the film takes place three years after the Titanic sunk in 1915...where, apparently, there's been quite the technology boom in those short years.", and considering, "Anachronisms. Or better yet, we guess the 2001 aliens are dropping monoliths on marine biologists."

"But it looks like they only got half the enlightenment, because the only people going down to search for the Titanic are the two passengers and their dog from the first one.", Yang said before wondering, "...Are they really qualified? Just because they were on the Titanic doesn't mean they can find the damn thing. It's like saying, 'Hey, I know where Amelia Earhart is because I watched an episode of Star Trek she was on!', and they be like, 'Millions in research funds, please.'", predicting afterwards; "I guarantee, though, they're gonna see stranger things in this Yellow Submarine than the Beatles ever did, starting with their dog who can talk to them now."

Blake presumes, "Ohh, it must be those magic moonbeams in the last film that came from the woman's tears that- You know, life is too precious, it's not worth the time.", overviewing, "And don't forget about the little mice friends from the last one, who are just as afraid of the sharks watching them as the dog is.", while the snippet shows Don Juan telling his talking dog Smile that there isn't anything to worry about the sharks, commenting that while sharks are worse than cats, cats eat mice, before the mice started laughing although they hate cats, "We lose thousands of lives to your house pets every day! It's funny, it's funny! ...Not."

"Cut to immediate style change... My gods, is Lara Croft swimming through here? ...As we're shown a...", describes Weiss before they watch the part where a villainous shark named Razor Teeth was singing a rap-like song, "WHY DO THESE MOVIES NEED RAP SONGS?!", ranting, "I just don't see the connection! Was the...rap song in the other Titanic film such a worldwide phenomenon that the movie said, 'Hey! we can make it whiter!'"

The leader of team RWBY comments as Razor Teeth's song continued, "Ooh, man, you better look out. There's gonna be a rap battle between this and the Polar Express chefs who sing the Hot Chocolate song.", as they listen to the seashells singing yet their words were too garbled to underrstand, "What the hell are they even saying? It's so gargled that I think we're just supposed to interpret our own lyrics. Like, 'Oh, Hugh, Hugh! There's no wacking out of you! Oh, Mew, Mew! There's no walking on the MOON!'", detailing, "So the head of the sharks is told about the Simpson testicle, and he tells his minions to attack it. Why? His detailed reasoning will send shivers down your spine."

The movie then shows Razor Teeth asking his minion if the submarine was yellow, since he hated the color yellow.

"Macbeth had the inner duality of acquiring power while holding on to his humanity...Ahab demonstrated how revenge can destroy others as well as yourself... This character hates yellow. If that...brilliantly established motivation doesn't give you goosebumps, I weep for you!", reacted the blonde huntress after seeing this part, "So he orders the sharks to start sinking their teeth into it.", the next scene showing Don Juan calming Smile down as the sharks attack the submarine, telling him that it must've been an underwater current, "He'd say, 'It couldn't be those things I said wouldn't attack us attacking. Let's make another joke about cats.'"

The Faunus girl indicates, "They chew on the cables so discreetly that they don't make any sound effects...must be on silent running...as they're tossed around inside.", with Don Juan in the movie telling Elizabeth and the others to calm down, "Yeah, because it worked so well before. What was your advice on the Titanic? Read a book?", summarizing, "The cable is cut, but the sharks don't want to finish them off just yet. The reason?", with Razor Teeth in the film saying to his shark minions that he has to go brush his teeth, "A lot of people underestimate the importance of shark dental hygiene."

"But in a bizarre twist, the sharks are also in cahoots with the bad guy from the first film, as they communicate via jellyfish telegram!", abstracts the Schnee girl, "To quote Sullivan from The Departed...'Okay'.", as team RWBY see the part where Maltravers tells his henchman from the first film named Geoffrey tell them about his mini submarines in a state of alert, "By gods, how many submarines did they have back then?! If your evil plan is to get rich, I'd say mission already accomplished! Yet whatever his plan is, it's never explained though!"

Ruby then synopsizes, "Our Muppet tentacle porn comes across the sinking sub, but can't pull it out, even though he was originally strong enough to put the Titanic back together. Who can he get to help?", before she, Yang, Blake and Weiss see Atlanteans in the movie arrive with their seahorses and chariots, "It begins...", who then overviews nevertheless, "Yep, an army of every 80s girl toy that ever existed arrive and tell the crap-topus that they can help. Thank gods, they used their advanced technology of Bubble in a Can... Again, FUCKING BUBBLES! ...And ride their literal seahorses to the city of Atlantis. Their dog Smile wakes up to see what's happening.", as the next part shows Smile believing he died and believed that the Atlanteans were taking him to Doggie Hell.

"Oh, thanks for putting that idea into kids' heads! Did your puppy ever bite you? He could go here.", answered Yang to this part, "They take them to Doctor Calamity Jane as our heroes discover that Atlantis is kind of like a creepy comfort-in, except somehow even more hostile.", while they witness the part where Don Juan tells his wife Elizabeth to calm down after she asked what the Atlanteans were getting things ready for, "Wow, what an asshole! He's like saying, 'Talk out of line again, and I will smite down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger. You will know my name is the Lord.'", making team RWBY laugh to the Pulp Fiction reference.

Blake then issued when the Atlantean told Don Juan and the others to drink a mysterious green exilir in order to visit the city and breathe underwater, in which Don tells him to keep calm, "STOP SAYING KEEP CALM!", reasoning; "Have you noticed all the bullshit it got you in?! 'Look, sharks!' 'Keep calm.' 'We're gonna drown!' 'Keep calm.' 'Drink this incredibly suspicious shit!' You know what we're saying!?", mocking as Don tells him the exilir has such a pretty color, "He could also say, 'The skull and crossbones are especially adorable!'", watching the next part where the Atlanteans showed his squadron of mermaids and mermen before Otti (Tentacolino) appears when the squadron dispersed.

"They be like, 'Bye. Why did we show up for this again? Does he think we can hear him through that?'", Weiss imitated the squadron before imitating the Atlantean when he says it was getting late, 'The mall closes half past Kidnap-o'clock.'", replaying when he asks them how they like Atlantis, with Connors (who is with Ronnie since they were both from the first film) saying it's like a dream, "No, dreams make sense compared to this.", explaining, "They then take them to a room full of toys, who have the ability to speak and achieve conscious thoughts. How is this possible?"

The leader of team RWBY says when the Atlantean tells Elizabeth, Don and the others that everything in Atlantis moves, likes and thinks with their own conscience, "Oh, that explains that. How about a creepy song number?", before the four see a strange toy fish with a spring named Pingo, sang a song as he wore a tuxedo, "We don't like this guy's voice. He sounds like the Crypt Keeper if he was choking on Gollum.", before stating as Pingo's song continued in the film, "This IS the last thing we'll see before we die! Or rather the last thing we see in Bird Box or The Happening."

"But you know what this song really needs? Rave music.", Ruby's sister says, as she, Ruby, Blake and Weiss were then shocked by Pingo's song changing from a classical Broadway melody to a techno rave theme, although the movie was set WAY before rave music was invented, while Yang confesses, "This review is writing itself! We're not even kidding! This review is literally writing itself!"

The Faunus complained, "This is so terrifyingly batshit insane that you can actually hear someone off-screen declare, 'This is scary'. We're not even kidding. Listen closely.", as they heard the snippet again as they heard someone say 'This is scary', "Do you hear that?! We swear she said 'This is scary'!"

The Schnee girl feared, "Yes, it is, poor soul. I think we know who the real survivors involving the Titanic should be!", noting thereafter, "But the musical counselor lets some uncomfortable news slip.", as Pingo in the movie finishes his song by saying to Elizabeth, Don and the others that they can't go back to the surface, "He would've said, 'Oh, I'm sorry. I was supposed to tell you that after the chloroform sprinklers went off.'"

"Holy gods, we need a drink.", Ruby declares, the four of them going over to look at the gigantic cups they left out for the coffee and Strawberry Sunrise rain...

...but it turns out that the rain finally stopped, the storm dispersed, and they find the gigantic gups of coffee and Strawberry Sunrises completely empty.

"Hey! Who drank the Strawberry Sunrise?", Ruby and Yang exclaim.

Blake and Weiss question again, "And who drank all the coffee?!"

Suddenly, Pyrrha and Nora kick the hotel room door open, appearing to be now drowsy and seemingly drunk, dripping wet.

"Where have you guys been?", Ruby asked.

Pyrrha drunkishly said, "Y'see, me n' my best friend Nora took a BIG drink of coffee and Strwbrry Sunrise cocktail..."

"...and we l'git gotten wast'd...", Nora swayed in drowsiness.

Yang tells them, "Oh my gods, what were you thinking?! How much did you drink? Did you have some alcohol with it!?"

"You literally drank two entirely 65-foot glasses of coffee and Strawberry Sunrises! We were supposed to drink some of it!", Blake and Weiss scolded.

Ruby sighs, "Now we have to sit through the rest of this review without any drinks!"

"N' if y'excuse us...we gotta take a n'p...", Pyrrha and Nora drunkishly told the four, before the two faint and laid on the floor, asleep and knocked out from the immense quantity they drank.

Ruby settled, "Okay, then. Let's take a break and put them to bed for now.", as her other teammates nodded before they start bringing Pyrrha and Nora to their bed in the suite.

To be continued...