In this twenty-fourth non-canon review of the story, Ruby and Yang review yet another comedy, but this time it is declared to be one of the WORST comedies to ever be released, named Bio-Dome, starring comedians Pauly Shore and Stephen Baldwin. Do the two sisters from team RWBY need to say more about how unfunny or atrociously bad the movie is?

BEACON

"Hello, I'm Ruby..."

"...And I'm Yang."

"We remember it-", both said before Yang ranted as her lilac eyes gradually turn red, "We fuckin' hate Bio-Dome, we fuckin' hate Bio-Dome, we fuckin' hate Bio-Dome, we fuckin' hate it, we hate it, WE HATE IT, WE HATE IT, WE HATE IT!", before letting out a loud Native American-like rebel war cry as Ruby quickly splashes her with a glass of water.

Ruby calms, "Yang! Chill. Nothing to overreact about."

"Sorry. But thank you, sis. Anyway, we fucking hate Bio-Dome.", apologized Yang as her eyes were still red with irritation from the said movie they've watched.

Ruby and Yang's Commentary of Bio-Dome

The leader of team RWBY began, "We mean, we don't think we've seen a more annoying and obnoxious piece of cancerous ass. It's so grating and ear-rapingly bad, that we're surprised the movie itself hasn't been arrested for indecent exposure! It may not be the worst movie, but trust us, it's in the top five."

"This is the movie, these are my wrists after watching the movie...", Ruby's elder sister said, showing her bruised wrists, "...and these are the notes that we took during watching the movie.", showing a paper with the word Why written over hundreds of times, "We've never been so happy to get something over with, so, let's just go ahead and get this over with..."

Bio-Dome

Ruby started, "So the film starts, appropriately enough, by throwing its garbage at us. A fitting metaphor. We then see our main stars, listed Pauly Shore and Stephen Baldwin, which honestly begs the question, 'How bad do you have to be to be listed under Pauly Shore?'. The credits roll on like a cinematic ransom letter, until the story finally begins.", seeing the opening scene where the narrator says that a group of scientists are planning on a year-long experiment inside the Bio-Dome, "I bet the narrator should add, 'They're codenaming it The Really Stupid Experiment."

"So while THAT waste of time is going on, we cut to an even bigger waste of time. This playful scamp is named Squirrel, also known as Bud, played by the Devil's pubic hair himself, Pauly Shore.", introduced Yang as she and Ruby react to his first line as he and Stephen Baldwin's character plays a game of rock paper scissors as he said 'Paper covers rock! You lose, Buckwheat!', "That was the first line, literally, the first line he says makes us want to lobotomize ourselves. We have to watch a whole MOVIE with this anus!", continuing, "Now for those of you who are young and have no idea who Pauly Shore is, good."

The leader of team RWBY summarized, "So Shore is joined by his good buddy, Stephen Baldwin, who plays another idiot named Doyle. They live in that wonderful time of the 90's, where stupid guys didn't really have to have jobs, and yet somehow they live in relatively nice places. Oh, and they also somehow date really hot chicks as well.", questioning, "Come on, are we really supposed to believe the 90's were like that?"

"So Squirrel and Doyle spend most of their time hitting each other with books and explaining how it's smart.", Ruby's sister then described the next scene as the two see a scene where Bud and Doyle's girlfriends Monique and Jen were disappointed when Bud hit his friend with a book, with Bud making an excuse before Monique declined by saying 'Bullshit'; the blonde huntress mocked her in the movie, "Bullshit!", noting, "Oh, by the way, yes, that is the lesbian with the funny voice from Chasing Amy. The only thing that gives me hope through all this is that she'll castrate Pauly Shore and start making out with the brunette. But I don't think the writers are smart enough to do something so stupid."

Ruby promptly responds as the movie showed the two girlfriends in their car, talking about how they may be taking yoga as a benefit while Monique tells Jen about a man who can lick his own back; "...What am I supposed to say to that?", synopsizing, "So it turns out these two are super environmental bimbos, who want to help clean the environment for Earth Day. But their dumbass boyfriends have even more important things to do, like being dumbass boyfriends.", as the movie shows a snippet where Bud and Doyle were busy removing hangnails from their toes with their teeth.

"Yuck... Why are they doing that!?", Yang disgusted to that part before continuing, "So they set out to find their girlfriends because they're afraid that they're gonna sleep with some breaststroke swimmers. They should just re-title this movie Stupid White People Doing Stupider White Things.", reacting when Bud and Doyle in the next scene were driving in their car, as they saw the Bio-Dome grand opening take place, as the two make a joke before they lean in, flick their tongues out and made noise; "Never do that again for the love of Gods."

The red-black-haired girl resumed, "So they get to the spot, only to find out that the ladies tricked them.", before a flashback of Bud and Doyle when they were younger was shown, also showing their mother dunks the young Bud's head in the water during a fishing trip in an inadvertent drowning attempt, as Ruby answered sarcastically, "Yay, you tried to tell a joke! You get a vast empty void of silence.", furthermore saying, "So as they start to head back, they come across the Bio-Dome—which looks more like Bio-Pringles cans—as the five scientists get ready to head inside."

"That's not an agriculturalist, that's Miss October.", noticed the blonde sister when watching the scene showing the scientists saluting to the audience when the head scientist Dr. Noah Faulkner introduced them, "In fact, only two of these people look like real scientists, the rest look like fashion models. How phony is that? Haven't you seen any movie scientists that got white lab coats and messed-up hair? Like Doc Brown, played by Christopher Lloyd! That was a scientist. Technically because he's an inventor too. Plus, we all remember Doc Brown when we did that Scooby-Doo movie review earlier. On the other hand, these guys are GQ covers. They're insults to movie scientists everywhere! What would Christopher Lloyd say?"

Ruby simply stated, "He'd probably say that he was frozen today.", continuing, "Oh, by the by, does this head scientist look familiar to you at all?", recognizing the head scientist played by William Atherton, "That's right, it's Walter Peck from Ghostbusters! And yes, he's an environmental douche in this movie, too.", synopsizing, "So Squirrel and Doyle sneak their way in to take a piss while the Nazi from Blues Brothers seals the Bio-Dome up with the scientists inside. But wait a minute... Oh, no! They're not supposed to be in there! I smell shenanigans, or in their case, shit-nanigans.", as the two saw Bud and Doyle accidentally get inside the Bio-Dome just before the one-year countdown starts; Ruby and Yang then watch the next snippet showing Henry Gibson's character William Leaky demanding the head scientist Faulkner to get the two boys out of the Bio-Dome, but Faulkner refuses due to not wanting to compromise all scientific data if the doors were to open the doors during the one-year countdown, meaning the countdown would restart all over again.

"Ah, yes, let's go over this again. They can either just open the door up and let them out, simply starting the countdown over again, or they can let these idiotic time bombs stay inside and most likely destroy everything. What did these morons study before this, the environmental impact of Bigfoot?!", responded Yang after seeing the said scene above before resuming, "So because space is tight, they have to have them stay in the janitor's closet, where the idea for this movie probably should've stayed.", as another excerpt had Bud and Doyle playing rock paper scissors over either of who will get the blanket, resulting in Bud ultimately winning and taunts Doyle with an annoying yet creepy laugh, "Oh, good. We just heard the soundtrack to our night terrors for the next few weeks."

The leader of team RWBY joked, "But Squirrel and Doyle find they can't just stay confined to one room. So it's raping time!", sounding a bit lewd and lustful at the last sentence, just before Ruby suddenly embraces her dear Yang before the two of them, both getting it on as the scene with Bud and Doyle intruding the female scientists' bedrooms; as Bud and Doyle were shown getting kicked out of the room when the girls woke up and shrieked after discovering the boys in their bedroom, Ruby and Yang's kiss whilst they were watching the movie had ended, "But seriously, those two would be like, 'We're rapists AND adulterers.' Sounds wrong when you think about it.", as the two girls carried on with the movie as they saw a part where Bud and Doyle did a George of the Jungle reference, "So…yeah, the majority of the movie is just these guys acting like douche monkeys as the audience scratches their head trying to figure out what's supposed to be funny about it.", as the next part had Bud and Doyle stupidly playing around with Doyle pretending to be a Sherman tank, hitting the sealed entrance after a scientist tells them they cannot get out and that a Sherman tank would be powerful enough to destroy the doors.

"Has anyone ever noticed that Pauly Shore is to white people what Jar Jar Binks is to black people? We have to say, we're very offended.", answered Ruby's elder sister as the two see another scene with Pauly Shore, who was talking to one of the scientists in the movie named Petra, as he was showing some poor yoga techniques as Petra tries not to laugh; the blonde witnessing this in the film noticed, "Hey-hey! That's the best performance in the movie! Finding Pauly Shore funny. That is no easy task.", before summarizing, "Eventually, their girlfriends find out where they are as they go to visit them."

Ruby mocked Monique in a later scene where the girlfriends outside the Bio-Dome were talking to their boyfriends from inside with Monique asking them if their couches are having withdrawals, "Don't you think you should get back to your Jennifer Tilly impersonation?", before the same scene showed the girlfriends saying sweet goodbyes as the boys return inside the Bio-Dome, as the two girlfriends hug it out; "Oh, yeah, that's what we're talking about. Touch each other, tou-", just before it cuts to the next scene in the film, "D'ahhh! Goddamn it!", responding when the next scene showed Bud and Doyle acting feminine which somehow makes one of the female scientists laugh to their expense, "You know, we think this film is the Hot Pockets of movies. Nothing substantial and most likely will cause diarrhea."

"We're beginning to think this movie is the predecessor to all those really bad YouTube videos you see. You know, the ones where two dickheads do dickhead-ish things while one dickhead laughs at the other dickhead while that dickhead gets hurt but sadly isn't crippled for life? That's this movie.", Yang considers the fact, before groaning in frustration as Ruby and Yang saw Bud and Doyle in the movie wearing tribal hats on their heads, "God, every new edit in this film hurts us..."

Ruby and Yang watch the following excerpt as Bud and Doyle were revealed to have used the entire fruit harvest in the Bio-Dome to make a fruit shake before dancing, as both reply in unison, "I bet both of them are like, 'Laugh at us! Laugh at us!'", just before a scene showing the two idiotic characters swimming around an artifical rain generator which they bathed in it as if they thought it was a hot tub.

"Okay, these two were dropped. Either that or they're some kind of special needs kids, but there's no way these are normal functioning people! Especially if they think that THIS SHIT IS FUNNY!", the red-black-haired huntress considered, as the next part had the two boys idiotically coming in a lab where another one of the scientists named Romulus was working on butterflies, causing them to fly free from the cages the scientist had set up, "They're worse than cancer; if a doctor came up to us and said we had a bad case of Pauly Shore and Stephen Baldwin, we'd cut off our heads with a fork!"

The blonde huntress ranted before the two watch another scene where the two idiotic characters do more ridiculous things in the Bio-Dome (ex. use golf balls to smash a window in the room where the scientists were discussing with William Leaky, "And by the way, this is it! This is all they show for, like, 45 minutes. Once in a while, they'll cut back to a pointless scene with Marilyn Manson's ex-girlfriend played by Rose McGowan here, who's dressed like something out of Pleasantville for some reason, but other than that, it's just this! WILL YOU JUST DECAPITATE THEM ALREADY?!"

Ruby responds as they saw Bud and Doyle in another snippet playfully punch and slap each other in the face, she imitated a scene from Planes, Trains and Automobiles; "Here's a good idea! Have a point! It makes it so much more interesting for the listener!", making her sister Yang laugh; Bud and Doyle in the next scene were then in a room with supplies, as the two find a barrel of food inside as they make gasps and noises of excitement; Ruby sighs in annoyance, "Sweet crispy Oum, every time one of them speaks, we hear a child being murdered! We're not kidding! That's seriously what we hear every time one of them talks! Yet, it would be pretty uncomfortable and anguishing if we heard that in the actual film..."

"So the scientists FINALLY come to their senses and ditch the two bungholes in their indoor desert, leaving them little to no means of survival.", described Yang gratefully as Faulkner in the film tells them that while he and his scientists are up in their area, Bud and Doyle would be down there in the Bio-Dome's desert as an act of desertion, "Congratulations, movie; you have us totally siding with the bad guy. Walter Peck in a mullet is the more credible choice here. That's how bad we've gotten. I know this seems incredibly unrealistic as scientists wouldn't partake in murder, but I don't care. If it's Pauly Shore and Stephen Baldwin's murder, it's all for the greater good."

The leader of team RWBY couldn't agree more, "The monks from Hot Fuzz would agree with us.", detailing, "So they spend several days practically starving to death when they come across an interesting discovery.", just before they see the two boys come across a glass door and finding a key, resulting in opening a way out for the both of them, which would make the entire sealed for one-year pointless unless if it was an emergency exit, "WAIT A FUCK NUGGET, you mean this air-tight, totally concealed bubble could have been opened this whole time with just a key in the back glass door?!", shocked Ruby as she felt pain from the scene alone, "Ow! Ow! Th-This plot hole is so bad, it's actually physically hurting me! OW!"

"So what do they do now that they're finally released out of their environmental prison? Throw a party, of course, as they invite everyone they know back to the Bio-Dome so they can have a rockin' good time. The girlfriends hear about it at some sort of Earth Day event where they-", Ruby's elder blonde sister said before the two saw Tenacious D in the film, "Tenacious D?!", exclaiming, "Oh, my God, real comedy! Real comedy at last! Oh! Save us, Tenacious D! Help us to laugh again!", but not before the Tenacious D cameo ended when someone notices the poster of the Bio-Dome party, "NNNNNOO! NNNNNNOO! GO BACK TO TENACIOUS D, YOU ASS-MONGRELS! DON'T YOU KNOW REAL COMEDY WHEN YOU SEE IT?!", she then roared in anger as her eyes turned red, before the scene cuts to Bud and Doyle in the party who were leading a procession of partygoers whilst on two portable thrones, "D'OOOOHHH! HOW DARE YOU CUT BACK TO THOSE COCK-EATERS?! YOU PASSED OVER THE ONLY TALENTED PEOPLE IN THE MOVIE, YOU MORONS!"

Ruby exampled and supported her sister's opinion, "It's like looking at a line-up of the world's greatest martial artists and being like, 'Jackie Chan? I don't think so. Bruce Lee? Maybe next time. Steven Seagal, get in there!'", before giving a short pause before informing abruptly, "...ASS!", as they continued reviewing the movie, both her and Yang imitating Bud and Doyle in the same scene as they saw their girlfriends again, "We bet they'd say, 'We're still not funny!'", as Ruby mocks Monique once more when the girlfriends were shocked that the boys were killing and destroying the Bio-Dome with their party, with Monique saying to them that they're assholes; "You assholes!"

"So after the party is over and they've destroyed pretty much everything the Bio-Dome was trying to accomplish, they try to put it back together again by restoring all the clean air through just picking up everything. Great, that's like trying to fix Hiroshima by handing out Band-Aids.", before watching the scene where the scientists were disappointed by the idiots' actions as they prepare to leave through the back glass door exit, with Doyle deciding to take new management of the Bio-Dome as he swallows the glass door key after wanting to fix what they ruined; when Romulus says "We're all gonna die!", Yang responds, "I am acting!"

The red-black-haired girl facepalms, "Seriously, this film couldn't get any less funny if they just shot a clown!"

Then at that moment, the movie shows the news report of a clown getting shot, shocking Ruby and Yang as the news report cuts to news on the Bio-Dome.

"My gods, you're actually trying to kill comedy, aren't you? You're trying to…physically destroy everything that is humorous in this world...?!", bewildered Ruby, before thinking hesitantly, "They're not gonna get away with it! No, no! How much of this movie is left, Yang?"

Yang double-checked, "15 minutes."

"15 minutes? Alright, I'm just gonna rush through it, thwarting your diabolical plan, you sick, sick fuck movie!", the leader of team RWBY continued, before cutting to the climax, "Walter Peck goes mad and disappears for a while, but returns as the Uni-bomber. Literally, his hair grows long, he has a beard and he gets explosives to try to blow up the place."

Ruby's blonde sister furthermore explained the movie's climax, "He does this by combining nitroglycerin with coconuts...just go with it, it'll be over faster...but his plan doesn't work, as the explosion seems to happen next to the coconuts instead of actually in them. But he also has a detonator and plans to use it to blow up the entrance.", as Bud and Doyle confront Faulkner, the head scientist holding the detonator as he refused to give the detonator to them without the magic word, asking them what it is.

"Please.", imitated Ruby, before she finished, "The bombs blow up, but mysteriously and unfortunately, nobody is hurt. The boys reunite with the girls, people confuse this experiment for a giant success, and Walter Peck ends the movie by doing his best Flying Circus It's... impression."

Yang caps off, "Brought to you by the worst of humanity... THIS IS AWFUL! WE MEAN, AWFUL!", her lilac eyes turning red once again.

Ruby states their overall review of Bio-Dome;

"All the funny is replaced by a giant cauldron of annoyance! We just can't comprehend how bad this movie is. It's just two really unfunny people doing really unfunny things and confusing it for something really funny! We haven't been aggravated by a movie like this for a long, long time. And that's saying something, considering the movies I've reviewed."

Yang raged whilst her eyes were blood red, "Fuck this movie! FUCK THIS MOVIE FOREVER!"

Just then, Blake and Weiss had entered their dorm room after a date out together, right when Ruby and Yang were ending their review.

"What's going on, girls?", Blake asked.

Weiss rose an eyebrow, "What's got you two so worked up?"

"Sorry," sighs Yang, "We just finished one of the worst films of all time, Bio-Dome."

Ruby asks the couple, "How was your date?"

"Romantic as always.", Blake simply said and shrugged.

Weiss answered, "We're going to take a bath now. You two finish up, okay?", as the two went to the dorm room bathroom to prepare for her and Blake's romantic bath.

"Okay. You two take care!", Ruby said before saying, "I'm Ruby..."

"...and I'm Yang..."

"...We remember it so you don't have to!", both said, finishing their review, "See ya next time!", as the two left their commentary chairs to spend the rest of their day.

End of Ruby and Yang's Commentary of Bio-Dome

Up Next: RWBY's Commentary of Hocus Pocus (Season 1 Finale)