Lost Yesterdays
Death can't take away the nightmares of the past!
James was trying to sleep after making passional love with Pam. Falling in a light sleep, dreaming over and over again what happened in the dessert. James was not the same anymore after he way he killed Sanchez. There was nothing left of this body, after the party's, the drinks celebrating the fact that the rule of Sanchez was gone over the border. President Lopez gave James and Pam, the suite for free in the hotel. Q went back to MI6 leaving the two alone.
James wanted to know for sure that what he saw with his eyes was real. After doctors found the remains of the burned corps of Sanchez. They used his dental records to conform that it was Sanchez. It would not be for the first time that Bond killed the wrong person, a copy like with Blofeld. After a panic attack calling Moneypenny, M used his contacts to give James the file. Reluctantly James had to accept that he killed Sanchez. This feeling of revenge for the rape and murder of Della Churchill, for a morning, afternoon and short evening as the wife of Bond's CIA friend Felix Leiter. For 2 weeks Pam Bouvier stayed with James, trying to pick up his old life.
In James his dreams he saw Felix that was mentally broken being helped on private plane of the CIA. No money was spared to help his old friend. M and Moneypenny asked the Section Chief of the CIA to transfer him away from the hospital In Florida. He was moved in the States to Walter Reed National Military Medical Center in Bethesda in Maryland. But the friend James saw in the field during his mission and the man was helped on the plane, was good enough for desk job. He said to Paim if that ever happened to him, that she better used her gun to kill him. Then dying slowly behind a desk in the stuffy office of MI6. He last what he heard from Felix was that on the personal orders of now President George H. W. Bush, Della was buried at Arlington National Cemetery.
Only Felix and honor guard ordered by President George H. W. Bush. The President had connections in the CIA, he was he Director of Central Intelligence from for nearly 1 year. Then President Gerald Ford gave Bush the order to clean house after Watergate. After what he read in his daily briefing how Della was rapped and killed by Dario he ordered that she be buried at Arlington.
James felt how Pam got out of there bed not trying to wake bond. But it was different then nights before. He opened one eye seeing Pam in the room fully naked. Her body and his had moments of passion, he did not feel after the death wife. James had the feeling the moment that knew that would come was now. Pam got dressed, took out suitcase hidden from James. She looked at James thinking he was sleeping. She already wrote a note. It was very simple, that she would never forget him and a telephone number that he could call if ever wanted to see her again. For second he wanted to act like he was waking up. He did not want to lose Pam, he lost so many lovers, so many woman and his Tracy. But Pam was CIA – DEA, she wanted to get back in the field.
When she was dressed, James made sure that it looked that was asleep. She walked to his side of the bed. "I never forget you James, but you are not here, and I cannot wait until all your demons are gone" she whispered with a tear in her left eye. She walked away. James with his eyes closed could hear that she left something on the big black table in the hotel suite. After the door closed behind her, he opened his eyes. His could not block the sound of crying of Pam until she left the floor. James got out of bed, he left lights out so she did not see them one from outside. You could see the light from the hotel suite from the front of the building, where taxi's and cars stopped. James walked to the table.
What she left was rather unusual. A gun, a envelop with about 50.000 dollars, this passport that M unblocked so James could travel back to Engeland. And flower, one rose. One red rose. He looked at himself in a mirror in the suite. He looked closely in the mirror, he saw a man that was lost in world of spy's, money, uniforms, blood, orders, casino's, he saw a shadow of his old self. He wanted to ran to balcony and scream to Pam to come back, have home somewhere near the sea, children. But only for a second it crossed his mind. He picked up a empty astray and with swing he threw it at the mirror, which came down thousands of pieces of glass.
After he saw the glass he made up this mind. He made sure the dress himself like ordinaire person. He took the money, put some in the inside pocket of blue jacket. He made sure that his passport was also in this other inside pocket of the jacket. Gift from Lupe that James got after he jumped in the pool after Pam. Q left James something if he needed to take something out of Isthmus.
Nice looking suitcase where I could put the money and the Walther PPK left by Pam, perfect with ivory handgrip. For a moment a held the rose. With gentle wave it landed on the bed.
"You can't build a future on Roses" he said quietly to himself. Leaving a about 200 dollars for the broken mirror.
