Team RWBY, Maki Oze, Tamaki Kotatsu and Iris' Commentary of The Sorcerer's Apprentice (Part 2 - Final)
"So Molina gets the help of another magician called Drake Stone, an obvious David Blaine ripoff who apparently uses his real magic to entertain people.", summarizes Ruby Rose.
Maki Oze notifies, "Fun fact. This was actually the same actor who played Dr. Doom in Fant4stic."
"We're sorry, but please don't bring that up.", Yang facepalmed, as the four members of team RWBY had already went through Fant4stic.
Tamaki apologizes, "Yeah, we all knew it was bad."
"We're still taking him more seriously here.", the blonde sister of Ruby said.
The neko-like pyro girl nodded, "Us too."
"Cage continues to train David, when...", Blake and Weiss continues, before Becky in the film meets up with David again.
Iris presumes pleasantly, "Oh, that must be the girl whose surname's after the Winter Soldier. We'll gonna call her that from now on. So we're reintroduced to Bucky Barnes, and we're supposed to just pick up where their non-existent chemistry left off.", as David says to Becky to enter the cage for the Tesla experiment he created.
"He's like, 'It might be a little crowded inside him, but there's always room for one more voice in his head.'", mocked Maki.
Ruby abstracts, "He shows how the electric coils, when positioned right, can actually make musical sounds.", as they see David and Becky witness the Tesla coils playing the OneRepublic song Secrets, "You know, he really is the poor man's Andrew Garfield."
"Andrew Heathcliff?", the second-generation pyrokinetic asked.
The leader of team RWBY smiles, "Very good."
"The next day, when he's going to the bathroom, he's accosted by Russell Off-Brand Drake.", Tamaki continued.
Yang snickers, "David should've told him that time, 'Uh, I'm sorry, miss, this is the men's room.'", before describing, "But Cage comes to save him from both Molina and Borat Zoolander.", and adding, "And to be fair, he does use probably the film's best sound effect.", as they hear a waterdrop sound effect during one part of the film's fight sequence when Balthazar sends one of the villains crashing through one of the bathroom doors, "Why does that insanity work and none of the other madness does?"
The third-generation pyrokinetic confides, "Don't worry, it's followed by a stupid line, asking David what's he doing there. Then David would say, 'Working on my master's thesis. What do you think I'm doing in the bathroom?!'"
"Well, that exposition in the opening was so much fun. Let's literally have it told to us again! Yeah, we're not even kidding. Everything that was said to us in the intro was repeated back to us pretty much for no reason. Watch!", Blake and Weiss told, as they watch Balthazar drone on to David about the history of Morgana and one of Merlin's apprentices Horvarth.
Iris questioned, "In all fairness, did you even listen in the beginning?"
The Faunus and the Schnee girl groans, "No. 'Cause we're sick of listening in general. We're tired of people and movies taking advantage of us!"
"But wait, if you're thinking this movie wouldn't have enough bad jokes, take a look at this fascinatingly botched Star Wars homage!", the nun-like pyro girl said as the seven witness Horvarth hypnotise a guy at the university in the film in order for him and his crony to get through.
Maki says, "The lesson, kids, is if you can't be bothered to think of something original, just steal something and admit you're stealing it! That's the same thing as actual creativity, kinda."
"After we see the dog presumably piss on a Fantasia DVD, Dave realizes he has to get the place cleaned for his girlfriend.", Ruby remarked before the seven girls looked at each other and shrugs.
The second-generation pyrokinetic says, "This is the plot now.", recounting when they saw David conjure a spell with the cleaning products in the room, "And, as you'd imagine, a mere 62 minutes into this Sorcerer's Apprentice remake, they finally remake The Sorcerer's Apprentice...POORLY."
"Suck-tastic, as how we would put it.", rated Yang.
Tamaki disappointed when seeing the movie's scene and thinking about the Sorcerer's Apprentice segment from Fantasia in comparison, "Oh, COME ON! In Fantasia, the brooms went out of control because Mickey was off daydreaming. And not just any daydream! He was dreaming about being a god, controlling the cosmos, altering the fabric of reality to suit his every whim!"
"Kinda like the real Mickey Mouse, come to think of it.", Iris ponders, "What is Dave off doing while this Flubber dance is going on? Showering and brushing his tongue. Whimsical."
Blake and Weiss nod, "Yeah, it's a little ironic that Mickey used magic to be lazy with his chores, while Dave is using chores to be lazy with his magic."
"Wow, that line read was so bad, it stopped the whole movie.", giggled Maki before examining, "Even the spray bottle in this scene was like, 'I'm Windex, and I could have read that line better.'"
Ruby noticed when David in this scene tried to whack a broom with an axe but the mop dodges it with its head hairs, "Oh, look! The shadow of him with the axe! They're so similar, I can barely tell the difference!"
"Even that isn't done right! It didn't even show how it multiplied like in the original, although it sounds Hydra-ish as in mythological terms, and the fact that there were dozens of brooms and mops and such already there, I can't imagine how that would've worked out.", Tamaki said.
Iris supported her friends' opinion, "Yeah! In the original, it was intense like a frigging horror film! He just wails on that thing until there's nothing left! Here, it's just slow, random and dull."
"So the Mickey Mouse cartoon is actually more intense than the Nicolas Cage movie?", Ruby confused.
Maki shrugged in confuse, "What is life?", before seeing Balthazar help disperse and undo the spell on the mess David made with the brooms and cleaning products.
"Cage comes to save the day, making us realize if you cut the Sorcerer's Apprentice scene out of The Sorcerer's Apprentice, absolutely nothing would be lost from the story. But, look! David has something pointy on his head. Authentic!", Yang synopsizes.
Tamaki argues, "This whole scene is like when a little kid retells a joke he heard without understanding what made it funny! It must not happen...", before saying, "Dave sends the Winter Soldier away, but for some reason, she is in no way bothered by this."
The blonde huntress said, "You can just replace all her dialogue with 'Support, support, support.'" as David asks Becky if she was afraid of heights as she answers 'a little bit', in which she actually was awed by the view of the city, "David must be thinking, 'No, I mean, I didn't know I could piss myself eight times simultaneously!'"
"Becky's also like to David, 'I am...trying to find some reason to be attracted to you.'", mocked Iris.
Blake then said, "But Molina ambushes Cage and takes the doll from him."
As Horvarth grabs the Grimhold and says it was lighter than he remembered, the seven girls responded, "So's the source material."
"But Dave returns, and they chase down the villains to get the doll back.", Weiss finished for her Faunus girlfiend, before she and Blake ask when hearing David stutter during the chase scene as the car jumps right out like water and the reality is now mirrored, "Is he turning into a Mars Attacks martian? Because we think not."
Maki then continued, "The villains escape, and realize they need reinforcements to win, so they bring another friend to life to kidnap Dave's girlfriend.", as the film introduces a young brunette child witch named Abigail as she makes a request to Becky at the college radio station as her eyes turned red, "Okay, this might work."
"Yeah, new character, looks kinda creepy and badass, let's see what they do with her-", agreed Ruby before she and the other six saw Horvarth easily defeat her as he steals her pendant as they all exclaim, "What the hell?!", as Ruby freaked out, "We didn't even see how she kidnapped the girlfriend, or use any magic, or thrown anybody off!"
The second-generation pyrokinetic calms her, "Calm down, Ruby. We do believe they had to use that time for more important scenes."
"Like what?! Like when David commands the animate brooms to stop during the only major Fantasia reference in the movie? 'Cause that got a big laugh!", argues the leader of team RWBY.
Tamaki nonetheless summarized, "Dave tries to get the doll back, while Molina watches on.", as the seven girls see Horvarth grab Becky by the throat and tells David to hand the Grimhold over and she'll live.
"I bet Horvarth's like, 'You've seen this done in a million movies, we're not very original, so this will be a million and one.'", imitates Yang, abstracting, "He, of course, hands it over, and Cage realizes he has to take this on by himself.", seeing Balthazar say a laconic lesson in the film, "He must be thinking 'I have no idea what I'm talking about.'"
After seeing Balthazar take off in the metal eagle and David talking to Becky in the car at the start of the climax, all seven girls watching the movie respond, "Huh?", in confuse as Blake said, "We've had enough he has a voice as fragile as a Faberge egg, but couldn't you give him a slightly cool line?"
"Move over, Tobey Maguire! We have a new 'I hunch!'" , the neko-like pyro girl purrs humorously.
Weiss outlined, "So Morgana is released while still in Veronica's body, as she tries to raise all the dead sorcerers to destroy the world.", as they saw Morgana tell Horvarth her plan without question.
"Man, that is a goal-centered woman. No 'How long have I been out?', or 'What happened over the centuries?', or 'Has Disney bought everything by this point?'", displeased Iris, who then condensed, "But Cage tries to stop them, and they have... Well, there's only one way to put it... A wizard's duel. In the vein of The Sword in the Stone and the Harry Potter franchise."
Maki imagined when Horvarth in the film makes a charging bull come to life, "That charging bull statue is like, 'Where the hell is that little girl statue?! I've got a score to settle!'", before thinking, "You know, could we get more New York statues in on this? It would be awesome to see Vladimir Lenin, Eleanor Roosevelt and Balto fight to the death. Then we'll get the Statue of Liberty to rampage through the city to the tune of Higher and Higher."
"This movie's stolen enough already.", reminded Ruby.
The second-generation pyrokinetic awwed in disappointment, "You know, it's not stealing if you admit that it's stealing. Just have Dave say, 'Hey, that looks like Ghostbusters II'. Problem solved!"
"Cage gets Morgana out, and, for no reason given, Dave can fight her without his ring, because...something-something ruby slippers.", Tamaki continues for her pyrokinetic (girl)friend, saying part of the climax in a nutshell.
Ruby and Yang then imagined as David was fighting the apparition of Morgana, "'I put a spell on yoooou, and now you're gooone!' Goddamn it, now it reminds me of that movie we reviewed back on Halloween night. Man, it was awesome though since some of our friends came and fought alongside with us."
"Really?", the three Fire Force girls asked team RWBY.
The four members of team RWBY answer, "Yes. We defeated the actual Sanderson Witches due to a strange phenomenon that only came once in the rarest blue moon possible on Halloween."
"Wow, we didn't know that.", the pyro girls sweetened.
Ruby chuckled, "Yep. Can't wait for another event like that. Someday. Maybe not today, nor tomorrow, but sometime this week. It isn't a prediction, but rather a possibility."
"I'm glad we're spending this together and getting to know one another.", told Maki.
The leader of team RWBY nods, "Totally agree. This universe really is growing, don't you know?", as the three Fire Force girls hummed in agreement; the movie shows David then using his science skills to use Tesla coils out of the lamp posts and power lines as the apprentice manipulates the electricity to defeat Morgana.
"Yep, the science of a mop that can move on its own power. SCIENCE RULES!", cheered Iris as it shows David finally defeating Morgana for good.
Blake and Weiss jokingly shrugs, "Well, I guess you could say the mop...cleaned up this mess.", before she, Ruby, Blake, Weiss, Maki, Tamaki and Iris do a CSI 'YEAAAAAAH!' meme references where they all put sunglasses on smugly, which was a callback to one of RWBY's previous episodic reviews of commercials.
"So Morgana is destroyed, and...oh, no. It looks like Cage is, too.", Iris continued the end of the film's climax, saddened by Balthazar's supposed death scene as it showed David being overwhelmed by this.
Ruby saddened, "I can't believe they killed off the main character in a Disney film...", bawling in sorrow with her friends Yang, Blake and Weiss as the four hugged each other.
"Yeah, just like Snow White, and Pinocchio, and Trusty, and Aurora, and Old Yeller, and Darby O'Gill, and Baloo, and Robin Hood, and Chief, and Gurgi, and Basil, and the Beast, and Iago, and Esmeralda, and Megara, and Giselle, and WALL-E, and Flynn, and Iron Man, and Ralph...kinda, and Anna, and Baymax.", consummated Maki, Tamaki and Iris mourningly.
Team RWBY admits, "Well, we, for one, are shocked.", as they saw David use his electric sorcerer powers to revive Balthazar back to life in a powerful moment, "You will believe you're...watching a movie."
"Of course, Cage comes back, and Dave is reunited with his totally useless girlfriend, and they fly the eagle to Isengard to rescue Gandalf.", Maki concludes the film as it comes to a close.
Ruby finished off, "And that was Nicolas Cage in The Sorcerer's Apprentice.", as she, Yang, Blake and Weiss look at Maki, Tamaki and Iris as the four members of team RWBY criticized, "How is this not fun?!", while the three Fire Force girls shrug.
Maki begins their closing thoughts on the movie, "One of the biggest creative risks of Walt Disney's career has been turned into one of the least creatively risky movies we've ever seen. The tired-ass chosen one story is beyond hackneyed, and it's not even done well! There's no feel to it. David goes from incompetent to all-powerful at the end like an on/off switch."
"Sometimes, there's kinda neat effects or kinda cool acting from Alfred Molina, but...that's as far as it gets. Just kinda cool.", Ruby and Yang admitted.
Tamaki and Iris followed up, "You know how most Disney/Bruckheimer movies are these insanely long two-and-a-half hour monstrosities? This feels like it was shot to be one of those, but then cut down to an hour and forty-five, so it still has the bloated structure of a long-ass movie, which makes it feel longer than it is. Not even Nicolas Cage as a friggin' sorcerer can make it interesting!"
"It sucks seeing Cage go from awesomely good to awesomely bad to just...bad. And we can tell you, with him averaging six movies a year now, we are not falling for the Nicolas Cage hype train again. Maybe somewhere down the line, we'll get one of those kickass performances again.", Blake and Weiss continued their opinion.
Ruby finally ended the movie review, "But until then, we are not being nearly as gullible!", before clenching her stomach when hearing it growl, "Whoa, boy... Now all this angry reviewing is making us hungry."
"Me too.", Yang stated when feeling her stomach growl as well, "Looks like we'll be getting breakfast sooner than we thought."
Maki, Tamaki and Iris add, "Us as well."
"Okay, now that the review's done for, why don't we get some breakfast?", Blake and Weiss sort out.
Ruby cheers, "Yes! Can't wait for some pancakes!"
"Yes, that sounds nice. Hoping for some cereal, maybe.", Tamaki agreed.
Iris smiled, "And orange juice. Don't forget it's part of a complete breakfast."
"Thanks for joining for this review! Let's do some more fun stuff later on!", suggested Ruby.
Maki nods, "Great idea, we might!", as the seven of them left the room.
End of Team RWBY, Maki Oze, Tamaki Kotatsu and Iris' Commentary of The Sorcerer's Apprentice
Up Next: Yang and Akane Tsunemori's Commentary of Spies in Disguise
