The Horse with No Name
Chapter Twenty-Five
The Limitations of Perfection
Goten's eyes are glazed over as Dad goes on and on and on. They're all outside in the forest near the family house – even Mother, who is pottering in and out of said house with arms laden with the vegetables Gohan went and collected from the neighbouring village. She's cooking up a feast and Gohan wishes he could join her as, like Goten, he is incredibly bored.
Stood above them like a diligent sensei, Dad is talking through katas yet again. Gohan knows that this isn't for his benefit. He's not the one training. This is for Goten, who can just about flex a fist out maybe twice before quitting.
"This is the basics," Dad says. "You both should be able to do this much."
But why would we want to?
Goten hums, twirling the Power Pole overhead.
And why has Gohan been lumped into this? It's hot today. Why is it so hot? It's pretty much autumn – the estate is never this hot; never this humid. Has it always been so hot here? The grass is torn from the soil in protest, scattering into the non-existent wind.
Dad's voice grows teasing. "Oh, what's this? Gohan's grumpy again."
Gohan jostles like a kid. "I'm not."
"Maybe Gohan doesn't like being outside in the sun and being schooled even though it's a Friday afternoon." Goten flails onto the grass, head turned away. "What a crazy idea…"
Dad looks like a little boy with a popped balloon. "Oh, come on, you guys, you both loved training growing up."
This time, Goten does turn and look at Gohan. It's pointed despair at the very notion. Gohan sighs and wipes at the bubbling sweat above his brow – the kid really doesn't want to be there, and their father isn't helping the situation. "Can't we do something else, Dad? Let's go swimming—"
A finger wags in front of his face – Gohan nearly snaps it on reaction. "Noh-huh. We need to do this, boys. You've both been too lazy for too long."
"I've been dead," Gohan returns flatly.
Goten splutters out an indistinguishable noise into the grass. The pole drops.
"Er… heh-heh, yeah, I guess that's as good reason as any." He scratches at that spot behind the neck, grinning awkwardly. "But you, Goten, we need you to take that step up. When was the last time you even became a super saiyan?"
Goten rolls over, appearing sour. "I 'unno."
"And, Gohan, dead or not, we can't just wait about forever for you to be feeling up to it. Let's get that body moving!"
"Or we could go swimming; that's exercise."
"Uh, later. Maybe."
Gohan rolls his eyes. The guy is about as stubborn as they come. No wonder Goten feels like he's hitting a brick wall with him. Over the last couple of weeks all Dad has done is bother him (and occasionally Goten) to train, train, train. Gohan doesn't want to train – why isn't he listening?
Not only that, but the conversations have shifted towards what really happened on the night Gohan died. Where they had once been tepid hints at wanting to know what Gohan remembers, they are now blunt demands to pick at what he knows. Dad needs justice for him.
There's only so long Gohan can keep putting him off at this point. He still doesn't remember the night in full. There have been some hazy recollections but that's it; the moment he took the knife, when he'd… inserted—
Gohan closes his eyes and leans back to join his brother. Goten, however, stands up, stretches and spares both Dad and him a pitying look.
"Don't even bother," he tells Gohan tiredly. "He won't get it."
With that, he makes his way back to the house.
Dad stares after him. "Ughh, I have no idea what to do with him. Do you see what it's been like?"
Really, have you always been so dense?
Gohan presses his eyes closed and sprawls wide. "Dad," he starts, now a defeated starfish, "I think you're being kind of short-sighted."
"Uwah, what are you saying?"
"Goten hates fighting."
"Yeah and that's 'cause he's not as good as he could be. Once he realize what makes it so great, after getting a little stronger, he'll definitely be—"
"What about me?"
Dad's will depletes just a bit and he takes a seat beside Gohan, unhappy. "What about you?"
"I think I'm a pretty good fighter," he says, peering over. Before the shine of the sun, Dad glows angelically, so brightly that he doesn't look real. Shadowy foliage makes it just bearable to look at him. "I practiced a lot as a kid." And at the estate. "But I'd never say that I'm in love with it, not like you or Vegeta are."
"You loved training with me and Picco…lo… Uh…"
Gohan swallows a dark smile. The words had perished so sadly. "I loved being with you guys. I never loved the fighting."
"I could tell you liked—"
"I wanted to get better to make you both proud. Goten was the same."
The cogs are going around in Dad's head but the revelation hasn't struck. "Of course you both like fighting. You're saiyans. I mean, I know that doesn't mean everything but it's in our blood. It's like… just…" He flexes a fist. "Y'know?"
Gohan stares. "No."
"Of course you do! You're a natural. You'd be the perfect speedy-fast fighter type, really; if you put the work in." Dad's wagging finger returns. "You're just lazy sometimes. Vegeta's right when he says that."
Gohan breathes a laugh. "Speedy-fast?"
"Real fast."
Oh, I am.
The god smiles. "But even if I became a… speedy-fast fighter, I still might not enjoy it. I could train and train all day but still hate it, even if I am a natural."
"Don't be silly. You'd definitely love it once you just…" His fist flexes again.
God, Dad really does have his own language.
Gohan sits up, more serious in his approach this time. At least Rixas isn't this short-sighted. The idiot has called him a natural many a time – and Gohan does enjoy training with him, more so than with he has with Dad in fact, if only because it's competitive between them. Dad can't offer that. That's just never been their relationship.
Unfortunately, Gohan can't offer competitiveness to Goten because the power difference is too stark, and Trunk can't do it either because he hates fighting just as much as Goten does.
Dad needs to accept that his youngest will never be a fighter.
"You need to do something else with Goten," Gohan sternly advises. "You can't keep pushing this one him."
"Fighting?"
"Yes. Goten is fourteen, not seven. He's old enough to know what he likes and he doesn't like."
"But he's strong. He could get better."
"It's not about that."
"But why wouldn't he want to be better?" Dad lets out a long groan. "I don't get it. I'm sorry. Really, he's gifted and he's strong and I know he could be one of the best out there if he just put in the effort. Teenagers never want to do what their parents suggest, right? That's what Bulma said."
Then Bulma is enabling him.
"You're pushing Goten away." And you're making him resentful, not only of you… but of me, too. "You need to do things besides training," Gohan adds, "I really think he would have come swimming today."
It's Dad's turn to look grumpy. "But, Gohan, training is real important."
"Why?"
It knocks him. "Why?"
"Yeah, why?"
"B-Because it is!"
Goten had mentioned that Dad had grown even more obsessed after Gohan's death. He'd wanted to become strong enough to overcome whatever had murdered his son. He'd needed to do something. And when he hadn't known the right answer… he'd just trained.
That's Gohan's two pence.
"You don't need to be stronger," he tells his father in lowered tones, "There's nothing for you to fight." I'm home… for now.
"I… Uh… The Zealites!"
For fuck's sake – he's just as bad as Quell!
Gohan bites his tongue until he tastes blood. He can't believe the stupid fucking Zealites are going to be the obsession that unites his dad and brother.
"That's not your fight," he growls, "You don't need to worry about them. Just focus on Goten."
I'll probably have to deal with them at some point along with Quell.
"I'm Earth's Protector."
"And you're a father."
This makes him flinch. "I know that. I've been there for Goten when he'd needed me."
Oh, Gohan doubts that very much! The twitching of a migraine threatens at his temples; he has to rub at the aching, willing it away despite wanting to throttle the man in front of him. Gohan knows for a fact that Dad could have done better. Goten has made that abundantly clear.
Dad doesn't even know Goten, not really!
Gohan had brought that kid up. He could have told anyone who asked Goten's favourite colour (orange), dinosaur (Brontosaurus), food (burgers, unless their mother is cooking and then it's her hotpot) – even his favourite hiding spot; Goten had always chosen to tuck away under Gohan's duvet when he'd wanted to be alone or to find some comfort.
That's how close they'd been. Gohan had been his comfort.
In fact, Goten had been Gohan's.
And giving that up to Dad when he'd come home had been the most difficult thing Gohan had ever had to do – but he'd did it. He'd trusted him with his most precious person.
And for what?
Gohan stands, clenching his hands.
"I'm going to help Mum prep dinner before I head to Videl's."
"Uwah. You're going, too, Gohan?"
I… I don't even want to look at you right now.
So he doesn't. Gohan goes into the house, encounters the fumes of wonderful cooking, passes his mother in the kitchen, goes right by Goten's room before then heading into his childhood space. It's here he rests for a second. His breath is laboured.
You've really annoyed me, Dad.
I though leaving this to you… would have been okay.
You've let me down.
This newfound disappointment is foreign. Gohan feels lost. Just how is he going to leave them now? Will any of this ever be fixed?
The break away from the house instantly revitalizes him. On the journey to the city, Gohan feels immediately better for it, enough so that he finds himself enjoying the flight, and finds himself excited to see Videl and the life she's made for herself.
She greets him casually outside a chic apartment building downtown. He'd sensed her easily, never having forgotten how her energy feels; like cinders and zest, standing out likely because he does indeed still find her attractive. Roarg stands out to him in the same way, though not as much.
Roarg… Myra…
By the Almighty, he misses them. Roarg is a pillar of stability. She's warm and good and someone he trusts to do the right thing, even if he doesn't agree. She'd see him right. Myra is his other crutch. There's not much to say other than he'd likely be dead in a ditch somewhere without her. If he closes his eyes, he can still hear her complaining…
It's bittersweet.
Videl notices the angst. She calls him out on it as they approach the building's lift. "Hey, uh, you can go back home if you…?"
"No, no!" She'd misunderstood. This isn't about her. "I've got a lot on my mind. Let's go up! I want to see your place!"
Videl's apartment is more artsy than anticipated. Whether it's to her décor tastes or Haruto's, Gohan isn't sure as he doesn't remember her being particularly into such aesthetics back in school. Still, he finds himself liking the many paintings they have on display. She tells him that they're all prints of album covers. Some are signed, most are not; they're all as grand as they are gloriously large, lining magnolia walls with strict precision that Gohan can appreciate.
As he moves in to examine one of the unsigned covers, a stack of frames by the door nearly topples over, only saved by honed reflexes. The first one he catches holds a particularly garish piece within, one that most definitely doesn't resemble any sort of cover but rather, a mesh of chaotic shapes and vomit-like splatters; Videl laughs and tells him she'd been gifted this one from Erasa.
"Who?"
"You don't remember Erasa?"
"Nope."
"We went to school together; all of us."
"Err…"
"Blonde hair; it was short in high school. Smiley. Pretty. Always wore these super low-cut tops that had about half the boys—" She stops at Gohan's blank smile. "No, you wouldn't have even noticed, would you?"
God, Videl, I wasn't a choir boy…
He flicks through several of the frames, saying nothing.
"You really don't remember her?"
"Sorry."
"How about Sharpner?"
"Oh, what's this one?" he asks instead, showcasing a small black and white piece, centred with what looks like to be a dragon ball done in pencil, or charcoal perhaps.
"Now that is something your brother made for me."
"Goten?"
"Yeah. He's good, isn't he?"
Gohan smiles, studying it. "Yeah."
"Do you want a drink?"
"Sure. Anything, whatever you're having."
Gohan places the art piece down carefully. It looks like it must have taken a long time, he considers with appreciation. Who knew that Goten could make something like this? The squirt has never mentioned any artistic flair to him – not that he's been saying much to Gohan over the last few days.
She sweeps along into the main area of the apartment and he follows where, unlike traditional housing, the kitchen and living room are one. It enjoys an impressive panoramic (24th floor) view over Satan City, privileged to be bright and airy as a result. Whilst nothing beats the views of the estate back in the Realm of the Almighty, he appreciates the striking effect over the cityscape. The sunset is beautiful and from here, he can just about see the mountains and neighbouring forests through urban smog, greenly prospering as the city's nightlife begins to wake.
Videl returns with a cola for him and a glass of white for herself.
"You won't have what I'm having because you're seventeen despite what your ID says. Here, I hope you don't mind something that's not hot water."
Gohan laughs and opens the pop. "Don't tell my mother. She's making me drink the stuff like it's going out of fashion."
"Chi-Chi never changes… One cola won't hurt. I'd let you try the wine if I thought for a second you'd be able to handle your alcohol." She smiles behind the rim of her glass. "I, for one, need this."
"Was work difficult?"
Her ponytail shakes. "It's not that, it's just… I think I must be the first woman in history to introduce her boyfriend to her un-dead ex-boyfriend." A swig is taken and she considers him, amused. "It's very sitcom worthy."
"Are you really that nervous?"
"Enough so to have a single glass of wine? Yes, a bit. Don't you judge me, Gohan Son."
There's a flash of his partying days. Shots, drinking games, clubs, sex; back in those times, he'd drink enough to make an alcoholic blush. It's not something he's necessarily proud of but it does mean that he's able to hold his liquor. And yes, she'd said it as a joke but Gohan still enjoys the irony of her words because really, he's the last person to judge her for indulging in a drink.
In fact, he'd love a glass himself. Going from drinking a glass every other day or so to complete sobriety has been quite the shock to the system. The last time he had to do this was when he'd been fasting with Quell for specialized energy training. That had been hard.
I wonder if the meat sack body has a lower tolerance for alcohol than my usual form?
There's no chance to test this, sadly and so he sips at his cola.
"I don't know why I'm worried. You guys are going to be total bosom buddies." She leans back into a plush fabric sofa, encouraging him to sit opposite. "Maybe it's because you look like a lost puppy in here. Can't you relax a little?"
"Eh?"
"It's like you don't know where to look."
Gohan's not lost. He's nosey. "I like your place, is all."
She's totally projecting.
"It's better than the mansion that's for sure. You remember that hole, right?"
It's hard not to. They'd hung out there often enough under a watchful gaze. However, one daring night, Videl and Gohan had returned late to the curfew set by Mister Satan and so had to return through her bedroom window.
The positive of the situation was that Videl could fly; the negative was that the tree in front of her window had not been intangible and so she had taken the most unfortunate dive upon hitting it.
Gohan had carried her up – princess style (to her horror) – and put her to bed. It hadn't been sordid, not that he could have harboured such intensions back in those days, but Videl had teased him regardless; joked about the situation, keeping him longer than necessary – and of course, that'd been when her dad had decided it the opportune time to check on her. With cocoa at the ready, she'd forced Gohan to hide in her wardrobe, keeping him there for nearly thirty minutes as he'd rambled like he does.
Gohan had escaped eventually, thank God, and returned late to his own curfew. He'd pulled double chores for a week as a result. Despite that, Videl and he had clowned about it for days (despite Gohan's original terror) and it'd become a bit of a running joke.
Gohan smiles at the memory and when he looks up she's smiling too.
"I cut down that tree."
"I believe it cut you down first."
A laugh has Videl choke on her wine. Just as she's about to respond, they both hear the sound of a key in the door and immediately the mood changes. She slips her wine back onto the table, growing rigid, shifting up on the sofa and making it out to be more serious than it ought to be.
He's proven right when the man of the hour enters, dissolving any tension instantly as he smiles down at both of them.
It's hard not to notice how dizzily good-looking Haruto is.
He's tall (not as tall as Gohan), and broad but without any real muscle. Fashioned in an expensive slim two-piece, he's every bit the ideal picture of a respectable lawyer one could expect, briefcase included. He's most definitely not the martial artist like Gohan suspected he might be. As Goten had earlier mentioned, the guy is modelesque; catalogue ready and definitely too preen to walk into the fighting ring.
Gohan's gaze lingers approvingly.
"You must be Gohan!" Haruto greets, lumbering forward to extend a hand and waste not a moment longer. Gohan thinks there's an easy smile about him, one which rumples his eyes at the corners and creates a dimpling and friendly effect. "Absolute pleasure," he says as the god stands to accept his handshake, "I'm so happy to finally meet you."
"Thank you for having me this evening."
Haruto waves the other hand. "No, don't say that. Seriously, I've been harassing Videl to get you out here all week. I know it's a fair old journey so I should be thanking you for coming. Sit, sit down. Don't get up on account of me."
Videl attempts bravado. "Jeez, kiss his ass why don't you?"
"I'll do one better. How does takeout sound? I wasn't sure what you liked, Gohan, so I ordered us some pizza. Everyone likes pizza, right?"
If Gohan had his tail it'd be wagging. Truly, Haruto is a man after his own heart. "Pizza sounds great."
"I hope you bought enough to feed a small army. Gohan is basically another Goten."
"I remembered; it's a sai-yun thing. You guys like your food." The suitcase is deposited by the sofa. "I think our regular pizza place thought I was joking when I ordered six Cheese Feasts, on a Friday no less. They said it'll be an hour. That's all right with you, right, Gohan? I know your mum likes Goten back early according to Videl."
"She's not nearly as strict with me just yet," Gohan returns, "Check back with me next month and it'll be a different story."
"Ha-ha, yes, your mother doesn't take prisoners, does she?"
"She really doesn't."
"Lovely lady; equally terrifying," he says, resting his head back and showcasing a set of perfect pearly whites. "I had the pleasure some weeks back in meeting her, your brother too. Such a shame he couldn't come this evening. Always next time, eh?" His eyes light up when he catches Videl sip at her drink. "Oh, Videl, you're drinking the Sauvignon. Yes, please, if you don't mind. I'm positively wiped."
Her anxiety is replaced with astonishment. "You know where the fridge is."
"Oh, be a dear."
As expected, Videl is not at all a dear. That stubborn sharpness still befits her and Haruto unsurprisingly ends up hoisting himself over to the kitchen. "Even after such a hard day at the office," he jests, pulling open a fridge bigger and fancier than Gohan's yet seen. The wine emerges.
Gohan watches him spin the cap on the bottle. "So you work in law, too?"
"I'm a solicitor," he tells, "I work mostly in environmental legislation introduction, usually with the government, sometimes with companies. In fact, today I had the pleasure of working with Capsule Corporation and Bulma Briefs herself. I know you all go way back but with my meeting her for the first time being over a boardroom table, I have to say I found the experience all rather intimidating and so…" He spares a look at Videl. "I've been looking forward to a drink all day as a result."
"I don't think I could ever find her intimidating," Gohan admits.
"Well, I'm not a foolish enough man to cross her or that legal team of hers."
"I'm surprised she's meeting with the environmental sector, if that's what you are a part of."
"I work with the government, not for them. Actually, I've only been hired to assist on this case. But I'm under the belief that it's mostly a learning experience on behalf of our company. I can't go too much into detail about the case itself, I hope you understand, but I'm sure you'll know enough about Capsule Corporation's involvement with the situation at the World Martial Art's Tournament anyway. Whilst we both know it's a cover-up, the world does not. Capsule Corporation has taken that heat and now must bear the responsibility for any environmental consequences as a result. All those explosions are making those in charge concerned, you see."
Dryly, Videl chuckles. "Believe it or not, exploding ki attacks aren't normal for the rest of us."
"I know." Gohan sighs, scratching at the back of his head. "Poor Bulma."
"Poor me," Haruto jests as he returns with two glasses of wine, "Here. Don't worry if you don't like it. It's dry but we can add some soda or lemonade to take the edge off if need be."
"Haruto!"
He bats a hand. "A small glass with an evening meal is fine. What do you think of it, Gohan?"
"Dry," he says, voice tart. He's honest if only because his face would give him away otherwise.
Haruto tops it up with lemonade as Videl watches, horrified. "He's seventeen! If Chi-Chi finds out that he's been drink—"
"Hold on there." No, Gohan's shutting this down. "Technically, I'm older than you, Videl. Heh, in fact, I trained in the Room of Spirit and Time for a year so I'm not even seventeen…" Gohan examines the white. "I'm sure one won't kill me."
You'll have to rip this glass from my corpse now that I have it.
She wavers between launching to grab at the glass and smacking both of them. She instead settles with a long drink of her own beverage, smacking her lips. "Do not tell your mother, or, oh God, your brother. Don't tell him."
"The Room of Spirit and Time," Haruto repeats, returning to his seat, "Now doesn't that sound like a fun story? What does a room with such a name do? Was this special training to help with the Cell Games?"
Oh, Videl's told him then. That'll save time. "Ah, yeah. I went in with my dad. One year in there is a day out here."
Haruto is easily star struck. "You never told me that, Videl. How wild!"
"Sorry, Gohan, Haruto is a huge dork for all the fighting stuff."
"Yes, a little, I admit. It might sound strange but I'm quite the fan."
She groans.
"Er, fan?"
"Didn't she say?"
"I didn't because it's dumb."
"Heh-heh. Quite embarrassing now but my childhood dream had been to meet you! Ten-year-old me had been enamoured. Of course, I'd been young when I watched the Cell Games but it really resonated with me; seeing another kid out there defending the Earth."
To his right, Videl's face is completely shielded within her hands. Her voice is a whisper. "Gohan doesn't want to hear about your weird fan stuff."
"She's just angry that I was less excited about meeting her dad. Even before learning about all the sci-fi fighting-malarkey, I'd been a Cell Games sceptic. In fact, I used to be in all the online groups and forums about it as a teenager."
"Like a dweeb."
"The dweeb was right. It had been a set-up." He aims Gohan a thumbs-up. "That's what really upsets her, huh?"
Gohan sips his wine spritzer, enjoying the show.
"What upsets me is how much of a dork you are about it."
"Videl, I'm meeting the victor of the Cell Games!"
"Haruto—"
"The Delivery Boy is sitting in our – ugh—"
She hits his arm, pretty hard considering how quickly he buckles from it. It looks like it stings like hell but he looks quite possibly the happiest a person can be, and Videl is embarrassed. In a good way, Gohan thinks and so he decides.
I like him.
An hour later, Gohan decides that he also really likes the pizza. Haruto is a keeper for sure. Together, they're huddled around the improperly-sized coffee table, perched like children on the floor in front of the television. Dips and pizza boxes are strewn around, bringing the stench of stagnant dairy and cardboard. That's not to say it put Gohan off the pizza. In fact, he knows that he's going to come to miss the cuisine when he returns home. He's trying to enjoy it more but the pizza is so loaded with toppings that the flavour is a bit much, enough so that he can barely eat the third pie.
"You on a diet?" Videl teases, "Have some more or I'll force you to take it home."
"She just knows she'll eat it all if you don't take it with you."
"I will. Eat up, Gohan."
The meat sack is not compromising much today. It's likely his appetite is shot as a result. "There's a lot of cheese," he says, turning the topic, "Are you trying to make me fat?
"Like that'll happen. One strong gust of wind will have you snap in two."
"Ignore her. She says the same thing about me," Haruto says, his own plate loaded with pizza crusts; a sign of equal defeat. "We can't all be muscly little trolls, babe. The height stretches us out a bit… not that you'd know."
She mock gasps and flicks a crust at him.
It has Gohan laugh, adding; "I can't believe you're still sensitive about your height at twenty-three, Videl."
She leans to take his wine but he's faster, decaying body or not. "No." There's a struggle in maintaining a straight face. "It's making you mean."
Gohan downs it just because her expression is golden.
Haruto already has the bottle. "Another?"
"No. Absolutely no way is he—"
"Come on. A spritzer is nothing. My ten year old cousin can handle—"
Gohan puts Videl out of her misery. "Best not. I think my mum really will murder me if she smells it on my breath."
"She'll murder me."
Haruto laughs and nestles next to Videl, arm snaking around her shoulders as if it's the most natural thing in the world. To the outside looking in, it probably appears that Haruto is sending him a message – marking Videl as his own – but to Gohan it doesn't feel that way. It's either that this guy doesn't have a malicious bone in his body or he's an incredibly good actor, enough to fool even him – and Gohan trusts Videl's instincts as much his own so he doubts that very much.
Videl is less comfortable however and liberates herself when given the chance. She moves deliberately forward to reach that slice of pizza.
Poor Videl. It's not as big of a deal as you're making it out to be.
To prove how little he cares, he turns his attention back on the game they'd paused on the television. Before dinner, Videl had been showing casing all the different advancements in technology since his death, particularly enjoying his reaction when teaching him how to use Haruto's games console.
The moment he un-pauses the game, his avatar dies on screen.
"I'm much better at fighting in real life," he grumbles when the character selection screen comes up.
Haruto on the other hand is excellent at the stupid game. He takes the sister controller and challenges Gohan to a match, completely whooping him at least five times in a row before Videl pities him and takes over. She's defeated only slightly less quickly.
Haruto isn't as much the prideful winner as Rixas is but it still stings. Gohan doesn't like losing. A driving game emerges next which brings an automatic defeat because Gohan is a terrible driver in real life. He just doesn't get cars. Only last week had Dad let him take the car for a test drive, and only last week had he been banned from touching it again without lessons. Years ago, Rixas had suffered similar consequences when he'd invited Gohan to try a hand at manning a jet-car they'd rented for the day. At least Dad's car hadn't needed to be scrapped, which is more than what can be said for both Rixas' vehicle and this in-game car.
"Oh, you suck," Videl says, "I thought you'd be good."
"Next game."
It turns out that regardless of choice of game, Gohan just seems to be terrible at anything involving the gaming console.
"You weren't too bad at the farming one," Haruto tries.
"Ah, the chores game," Gohan blandly reiterates.
"All his strawberries died."
"I'm not very patient, I think," he admits, returning the blasted controller to its owner.
"Don't think you can get results instantly," Haruto sagely says, nipping at his wine, chin raised like an old master looking over his student. "Overwatered strawberries drown. Gratification comes with results and results come with time."
"Thank-you, wise fortune cookie." She pats at his arm, a job well done, as it encircles her. She's not moving away now, in apparent comfort (or ignorance) and grinning as beautifully as he remembers her to be as she looks at the man she loves.
Gohan smiles.
How domestic.
It's ruined by her potty mouth.
"Oh, shit. What time is it?"
Haruto's Rolex is upturned. "Nine."
"You," she commands as she sits up, blue focused directly upon Gohan, "Get your ass up. If you're home any later then there'll be a search party after you."
It's nine already? He checks the phone she gave him, sighing to see that the night has indeed disappeared by so quickly. Does he really have to move? He has carb fatigue.
"Are you going to give me a ride?"
"What? You're kidding, right? Gohan, you can outfly this at ten times the speed, easy. Also, I've had three glasses so I can't pilot. Come on, get your shoes."
He'd be tempted to push his luck any other time. It's a Friday and he knows both Videl and Haruto don't have work tomorrow. Haruto, Gohan's newest bosom buddy, had already hinted he could stay the night but Videl is obviously less keen, and as much as Gohan would enjoy their company a little while longer he doesn't want to force it.
Gohan's jacket is thrown into his face before he has a chance to stand.
Haruto takes pity and pulls him up. "Same time next week; what do you think?"
That catches him off-guard. "Yeah?"
"Yeah, for sure. You should bring Goten."
"I'll try my best."
This reminds him that he should have asked Videl about Goten, but the night had been so nice. Selfish, but it'd been nice to forget about such a duty. Gohan had been more himself tonight than he had been in weeks. He'll… he'll ask next time, for sure.
Haruto waves him off from the door as Videl turns to lead Gohan along the public stairwell and up to the rooftop. It's surprising that Haruto hadn't wanted to watch Gohan take flight, especially considering his expressed interest in seeing it, but Gohan thinks Haruto is quite the aware person, likely giving space so Videl could see him off alone.
He's considerate, Gohan thinks, and he's attractive and intelligent; a relief because Videl deserves no less.
Videl unlocks the roof door, gesturing him forward and into one picturesque garden overlooking the neighbouring block. It's dark save for a few lights, not that it's much of a struggle to see with the city's ample light pollution. In fact, there's a dazzle, bright and mesmerizing against the black of September sky.
It's quite the view from up here. They'd taken a few flights to get up but it's more than worth it. They can see for miles and miles, more so than from the apartment; angled to appreciate where the forests had flourished with life earlier, burning under the gold of sunset. There's now only unknown. It's pitch black.
That's home for the night, I guess.
As he climbs the wall he enjoys the cool nip of approaching autumn. Hopefully the humidity dies along with the leaves.
"Message me when you're home," Videl instructs, tightening her jacket as her hair flaps about insolently. "Just so I know you got back okay."
Gohan finds her concern cute. "I think I can handle it."
"Please, message me."
"I'm pretty strong, y'know."
She looks away. "Yeah, well, you didn't see those Zealites give your dad a hard time."
That's a fair point, more so in this body than his unhindered form. He steps down from the ledge. "Did they hurt you?"
"The Zealites? No. I didn't get chance to get involved… I only fight as a hobby, really. I wouldn't have been any help."
"That surprises me."
She looks awkward. "Yeah, well, after you died… I um, I was a bit put off."
"What? Fighting?"
"Only for a while so don't feel bad! It was a good thing I quit. I got frustrated with it all in the end; the memories were too much... I eventually started martial arts again."
"Goten said that you can't fly anymore."
"Yeah…"
He steps forward and she steps back. "Is that also because of me?"
There's a pause. "That was a long time ago, Gohan."
"I'm sorry."
Right away, she gives him her attention, those blue fires of hers burning hot. He can't look away. "It's not your fault," she advocates, "Don't you dare blame yourself for anything."
Gohan wishes it was that simple. He swallows, nodding lethargically; there's an attempt at a smile but it feels weak even to him.
Videl's hands are kept to herself mostly and so he feels the sting of her grasp when she takes his arm. Little butterflies take flight in his stomach. "You talk to me," she next demands however, quashing such feelings, "If you need someone then I'm here, got it?"
As she glares, her heat doesn't simmer.
His hand covers hers and he smiles, unhooking her fingers. You're a good person, Videl, he believes, deep from within. But he doesn't need her to worry right now. She's clearly worried enough.
So he tries to lighten the mood. "Heh, you're kind of scary."
"Don't you know it?"
She lets him go, her fingers interlocking briefly with his own. Gohan kills the butterflies himself this time. Thinking with the thing between his legs will not do him any favours right now; he hasn't the time for home-wrecking or rekindled childhood romances.
Gohan doesn't do romance, period. And he'd never quick-fuck Videl. …Maybe Haruto. Not Videl. Speaking of which…
"Haruto said something about me coming again although I wouldn't wanna' intrude…"
She bites. "You are not intruding. You better come next week. Finally, I've found someone worse than me at those stupid fighting games."
"Give me another evening and I'll change that tune."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah."
There's a fresh gust of wind having her shiver and so Gohan decides to call it a night. He ascends the ledge once more.
"Hey, so…" There's a cough. She's shy. Gohan wagers the pink of her cheeks is not from the cold. "What did you think… of Haruto, I mean?"
I think he's very lucky.
She awaits his bated response, surprising him.
"Hmm… I think…" Gohan lifts his head, gazing towards the shrouded unknown. The honking of passing cars below hangs in the air, joined by the police sirens which sing in their chase. He quirks her a final smile of the night. "I think you shouldn't be worried about what some kid thinks about your fiancé."
She breathes a laugh, understanding the unsaid. "I think you're right."
"Well, I'm gonna' go—"
"—But, Gohan." She has him again, by his jacket this time. "You know damn-well that you're not just 'some kid', not to me. Never to me."
Ah. Wouldn't it be easier if he was just some kid?
"Goodnight, Videl."
He jumps from the building and descends into the metropolitan blur.
The weeks have been drawing out and a new normality has birthed from it. Gohan has a routine. He spends time with his mother, father and brother, and now Videl too. Sometimes he spends time with multiple of them together, like he had with both his parents just last night. Dad had visited Fire Mountain, bringing with him a carbon copy of his own gi for Gohan to try on. The hint had been screamed, really.
"I'm not training," Gohan had told him, yet again.
"It might get your strength up!"
Dad has been outright pestering him to train every other day and it has grown annoying. It's like they never had that conversation the other week. Perhaps if Gohan was in his usual form then he'd entertain him like he does Rixas. But he's not. This body will break the moment Gohan chooses to aim a ki blast.
Another thing Dad has been infuriating Gohan with is his continued desperate need to learn what happened on the night Gohan died. Whenever they are alone, Dad brings it up and attempts to pick through Gohan's blurred memories with intense hunger; a ravished hunger that is just too much for Gohan and has him feeling uneasy whenever the subject is brought up.
Goten runs hot and cold with him. One moment, he's fine and pals around with Gohan much like they used to when he was a kid. Sometimes Trunks is there. Other times, Goten seems unable to even be in the same room as him.
So Gohan goes to Videl's cityscape apartment more, and not just on the weekends. He goes in the evenings sometimes too and they don't mind at all. Gohan has told them to say otherwise and whilst Haruto is lovely, he knows Videl has no qualms about kicking him out. It happens every time around nine at night.
It is a couple more weeks after the first visit that sees Gohan return to an explosion of drama at Fire Mountain.
He quickly realises that he has yet again forgotten to bring up Goten to Videl if only because of what follows next. Throughout the echo chamber that is Fire Mountain castle's lobby, there are loud footsteps clambering into earshot; banging and angry as they approach. As Gohan shirks off his jacket he tentatively makes his way along the marbled strip and towards the stairway.
"Do not give me that tone, Goten Son! Where are you going? Get back here!"
"I'm going out!"
"Absolutely not!"
Bang. Bang. Bang. It's a wonder the stairs haven't given way. He pauses, suddenly aware. This isn't territory he wants to be in right now.
"Goten Son! We are talking!"
"No, I'm going! You never listen to me anyway!"
"Listen?" Mother squawks. "You have been lying to me for months!"
"Because you never listen!"
Gohan flinches at the pitch; of both of them, wondering whether or not it's too late to turn back around and grovel to Videl for sanctum. It does indeed prove too late, as when Goten stampedes down the rest of the stairs Gohan is but an unfortunate victim of his tirade.
They collide, and Gohan comes off worse. The meat sack had already had its fit on the journey back, experiencing spasms somewhere north-east of the city, and so is already weak, and extra vulnerable to rhinoceros-esque charging. There's a crunch of bone breaking – or perhaps that's the bannister because that breaks too; several wooden panels snap free and scatter across the floor in sad splints as Gohan falls along with them.
It's his shoulder dislocating that has him biting his tongue.
This mother-fucking papier-mâché body…
"Gohan!"
"Gohan! I – I…" Goten looks down with equal horror, sheet white.
"I'm fine," he bites out, forcing himself up.
"Your arm…"
It swings limply by his side, blood trailing. Whilst it's not the goriest thing to happen to him it's most certainly not pleasant to look at. Ah, shit. He's no doctor but if Gohan were to guess then he'd say the radial head in the forearm has completely shattered – not for the first time actually, but it's definitely one of the more inconvenient breakages he could get right now.
"You might have to set the arm straight," Gohan tells his brother. "It's dislocated. And there's a break."
"N-No. I—"
Mum knows how to stoke the forgotten flames. "Goten, look at what you've done!"
"I… I wouldn't have if – you, I didn't mean to! It was an accident!"
"How many times have I told you to stop running—?"
"I didn't mean—"
"You don't think!"
He whirls around. "Just shut the fuck up! Stop saying that!"
"Goten!"
Even Gohan's shocked. His mouth runs dry – he would never speak to their mother like that.
Goten looks between them in the birthed silence, growing more frantic. "I'm… I'm going to Trunks' house."
"What about your brother?"
Gohan almost recoils at the look Goten shoots him; instead of the expected shame, that hidden darkness has reared its head with unabashed fury. It's an expression rich in resentment; the budding reality that Gohan has been anticipating for a couple of weeks now. And whilst it hurts to be on the other end of it, Gohan refuses to wilt.
"Are you going to help set my arm?" he asks calmly.
Or are you going to run away?
The challenge is recognized.
Goten falters. "I didn't mean to," he says lowly.
"Then help me out."
The hand limply extends out, waiting.
Look how patient and nice I am with you, Goten. If it were Rixas I would have fractured his kneecaps, especially for speaking to Mum like that.
His brother stares at the offending hand. The resentment doesn't fade, if anything, he looks sick with it.
"I'm not a genius like him," Goten eventually relinquishes, throatily.
It confuses Gohan at first but then he realises this isn't meant for him. His brother turns back to their mother, shaking. He's practically vibrating.
"You just want me to be him. You both do."
The hand drops. Okay. They're doing this then… now, of all times. Gohan wants to sigh.
"What?" Mother looks close to falling down the stairs. Her fingers skid along the remaining bannister. "I have never said that. Your father has never—"
"You didn't need to!"
"We have never expected anything—"
"That's a lie!" Goten turns on his heel, slamming his foot down and making the entire castle wobble. "You just wanted the perfect son—"
"Stop this, Goten—"
"And I can't be him! I'm not smart or polite or nice or whatever."
The castle shakes once more. It nearly has Gohan topple over. Enough is enough.
"Calm down," Gohan next tries, forcibly soft, "Think of where we are. You'll bring the building down."
A laugh emits. "And even now, he's making sense and I'm just making a scene, right?" God, what can Gohan say to that? Even Goten looks shocked by his choice of words. "I'm going to Trunks' – I can't be here. I – I just…"
"Then go to Dad's, not Capsule Corp. You're too worked up—"
"To Dad's? You think I should go to Dad's? Dad doesn't give a damn, Gohan, not about me! He just gives a shit about you!"
Mother gasps and Gohan wants to wrangle the kid out by his jersey, so he does just that. One arm swaying, Gohan propels the other one and snatches at the cotton with a strength Goten can't match. Meat sack or not, Goten is still considerably weaker and so falls unwillingly into step behind him until they're both out of the castle and into the yard. Thank God there are no on duty guards because Goten looks about ready to swing for him.
"You do not speak to Mum like that."
"Get offa' me!"
Gohan does, releasing him and watching him drop to the dirt. "Why are you speaking to Mum like she's one of your classmates? She's our mother. Have some respect!"
He scrambles up. "Shut up! You don't know what even happened!"
"Then tell me."
"What, so you can fix it? You're just upset about Mum's honour or whatever."
"You're a kid, Goten. You don't get to talk back like that."
"Arrgh! Stop talking as if you're grown-up when you're not!"
Again, if this was Rixas then Gohan would just sock him. If it was Quell, he'd say something so cutting that it would have him seethe for days. How does he fight with Goten? They've never fought. Gohan practically raised this kid.
But I'm so sick of your bitching about this.
Gohan groans long and hard into his good hand, so long that a fresh stream of blood from his nose appears. "She wants what's best for you," Gohan reminds him, slowly for his own sake, before then producing a wad of tissues from his pocket and dabbing at the red, "Is that why you're annoyed? Did she scold you about school?"
"She always does that."
"What happened?"
Goten looks like he desperately doesn't want to say, so Gohan hazards a guess inspired by his recent trip to Videl's. "Did she find out that you're not in the Science Club – that you're doing Art?"
Goten reddens instantly. He's so easily read.
"She hates that I'm not smart – that I'm not like you, like I'm not some perfect, nice son that everyone likes. I thought you coming back would make her less psycho about it but she's – she's comparing now." The teenager balls up on the floor, scraping at his hair like a little psycho himself. "She's realised that I should be better like you. She's realised how shit I am!"
"You're not shit. Get up." I know Dad hasn't been right to you but I'm not holding a pity party. "Get up, Goten."
"She can have her nice, perfect son now. Dad too… You're home so they can finally be happy." There's a dark laugh. "They can get back together now."
"It's not like that." Gohan yanks him up. "And I'm not perfect."
"Of course you'd say that."
"You sound like a little kid. There's no such thing as perfect—"
"Tell them that."
Arghh… I don't have the patience I used to for this.
By the Almighty, Goten really hasn't changed. He's still as immature as ever, with those tears that are so quick to emerge; bubbling up as he stickily continues his manic rambling like he's still eight as opposed to fourteen. "You're everything Mum's wanted me to be, everything I'm not. Dad doesn't even like me. Before you came back every time he looked at me, he'd wish it was you, wish that it was you, the genius; he was training because I'm shit. I can't fight, I can't study, I can't be nice – I can't be you." There's a pathetic sob. "I can't be perfect! I'm sorry I'm not you."
What are you saying, you little fool?
The attack tests Gohan. His own fire builds in his chest. Perfect? Him; Gohan?
Is Goten really so sheltered to think Gohan's childhood had been a barrel of laughs? Gohan had faced his own tribulations – his own downfalls, his own imperfections. And as Mori, fuck, well, Mori had been his own shit storm of inadequacies; the adopted inadequacies added to Gohan's forever growing list.
Good heavens, he's a collection of faults! His studies and his strength are a result of his work ethic, not from being perfect.
If Goten actually wants to improve then he should put the work in! Gohan had never wanted the credit of being good at either of those things; he'd just wanted to be better.
But Gohan doesn't say that.
Instead, he takes a deep breath and remembers his predicament.
The stretch of quiet lingers, so long that Goten actually breaks it first. The warped breathing labours. "Gohan… your ki; it feels…"
Oh. Gohan feels it too, deep within. Something has cracked. The body isn't coping and his natural bursting energy is testing the seams. Really, he ought to be more careful. Another tear might worry the fabric of his being beyond repair.
He breathes again, settling his emotions. The anger slowly simmers and as it does, coppery warmth floods the mouth so much that he has to spit.
"I'm fine," he says before Goten questions him.
"And your arm…"
Oh, now Goten notices? Gohan looks at it; it's another thing that's bleeding. Just how long does this body have left? He'd hoped it would be able to hold out long enough for him to uncover whatever Shin is up to.
"Help me set it."
"I… I don't know how."
"I'll show you."
There's an opposing bench which Gohan chooses to lie on, Goten on his trail under the murky golden gaze of the castle lamps. It's with large eyes that Goten stares down with a mixture of fear and lingering frustration.
"I've never done this," he mutters.
Gohan's arm extends at a ninety degree angle, still sodden with blood. Several twigs from the bannister have pierced the skin as though it's tracing paper. "Don't worry about. Look, take my hand and pull gently. We need traction for it to –ahh ow— yeah, easy does it."
"Dad never showed me how."
Dad never showed me either. Take initiative, little brother.
"Shake my hand like you're just meeting me. Slowly! Ah yeah, okay, now move along with my arm. That's it. Keep moving. Okay, now we're going to slot it back into –ah!"
There's a pop.
"Like that?"
I hate this body.
Gohan thumps his head down against the bench. "Yes, like that."
Crouching beside him, Goten begins to pick out the twigs much like a mother bird, one by one, as Gohan lies there, watching under hazy yellow-orange.
"I'm sorry," Goten finally whispers, still plucking. "I really didn't mean it."
"I know. I've been… pretty weak since I came back."
Goten's brows pucker. There's a flash of anxiety; he knows that something's not right with the body. They all do. Still, he doesn't say it and Gohan's grateful. "And… I mean, with Mum, too. She just makes me so angry…"
Ah.
Gohan can understand that but that's no reason to disrespect her. Mother, whilst a demanding personality, has been always been the cornerstone of the family. She's been the one constant for Goten, and for Gohan too before he'd died.
"You can't talk to her like that."
The defiance returns. "You haven't been here. You don't know what it's been like."
"It wasn't a choice," Gohan snaps back.
The effect is immediate. Goten's head pistons upwards and he stares hard, the expression betraying feelings hidden under the surface. That resentment has come back with vengeance. He's yearning to disagree; Gohan can sense it – he wants to remind Gohan who took his own life.
There is a measure of self-control at least. Goten looks away first, wiping his hands on his jeans as he stands. "It wasn't, huh?"
"You're angry."
"You left me. You… died and it all…" He swallows. "It doesn't matter."
No, they need to have this out. He stands, trying to reach for the kid. "It does matter. Goten, I know it hasn't been easy for you, dealing with it all. I know Mum and Dad can be a lot—"
"You don't get to say that!" He shoots back, twisting away and out of reach. "You have no idea what it's like to be a constant disappointment, to be a shadow, to be the next best thing – to just not be enough. You asked me a while back how Dad is with me when we train. You never asked how he's with me in general. Have you not even noticed? They said that you're smart but you keep trying to get us all to hang out together but guess what, Gohan, Dad doesn't even like me.
"I'm not saying he hates me. It's like I'm not even there, like I'm some lousy stand in for the one who killed hims—" He stops, breathing harshly. "He probably wishes it was me."
It's a slap to the face. Gohan's words degrade into something weak. "Stop it. Dad loves you."
"Dad doesn't even know me! Mum only knows what she wants to know! But you? You? Well, they can talk about you all day; Gohan this, Gohan that. You're the one who saved the world whilst maintaining his schoolwork, his friends and," he snorts, "a girlfriend. You're the good one. You changed Piccolo, you saved Vegeta back with Cell, I know, Trunks told me; you make everyone love you."
He splutters. "And Vegeta now?" Piccolo?
"I'm sure you'll win him over eventually," he returns, scoffing, annoyed at the very idea.
Gohan wants to argue. Did Goten think it was easy for him to keep his head down? All the tears shed and frustration felt – Gohan slaved over his achievements and worked at his relationships. It wasn't just so he could brag, or just so he could become some… some martyr!
Gohan knew this was coming but it pisses him off anyway. What happened to Goten? How far does this resentment go?
"Remember when I said Dad went too far? Well, yeah, heh… He almost killed me."
The god almost laughs. The question had been met so quickly.
Goten then adds darkly, "He strangled me until I saw stars. He thought I could handle it – he thought I was you."
"It must have been—"
"An accident? Yeah, I'm not stupid. Dad wouldn't try to kill me but, back then, heh, even Piccolo had to tell him to stop, and Piccolo hates me. When he gets involved then you gotta' know it's bad."
"Piccolo… doesn't… hate y—"
"Just my offense of not being you," Goten snipes. He's welling up again. "And not being strong and talented or… or having enough ki – I don't know."
"Did Piccolo say that?"
"About ki?" There's a scoff. "He says mine's weak. He says I'm no good and that I'm lazy and that I don't wanna' fight."
"You don't, though… Do you?"
He sniffs, shrugging. "If I did then they'd think better of me, I guess."
But Gohan doesn't care about fighting either. He did it for them too.
"I don't like it," Goten admits quietly, "I really don't… I wish… Dad wasn't so obsessed. Or I wish I was, or that you were just as bad as me at it."
"Goten—"
"But that's not how it is, huh? We have all this responsibility and powers and… and they look down on me because I don't like it. Heh, y'know… Gohan, the one person I know who wouldn't look down on me…" There's a choke on sticky tears. "The one person I know who wouldn't have looked down on me died... He was dead and I was alone." There's an aimed look. "He killed himself."
Ah, he said it.
Gohan's hands ball up, his eyes are downcast. This is a symptom of the reality he's found himself in. Here is another victim of Mori.
And of our parents, apparently. Of Dad…
Above, the lights flicker absently as Gohan tries to find the right words to say. Only the insects of the night chatter. They know to sing and fill the void.
"Gohan… Did you really do it?" Goten ultimately asks, exhaustion present in those red-rimmed eyes. "Dad doesn't think so. He never has."
"And you?" It's a mere whisper. "What do you think?"
"I think…" His brother wipes at damp cheeks. "I think you got tired of being perfect."
Goten is dissuaded from going to Capsule Corporation but he doesn't go to the Son family house either. He quietly retreats up to his bedroom when their mother becomes distracted with cleaning up Gohan's arm, staring after them with a bleak emptiness before disappearing.
Equally dour, Gohan watches as his mum fusses over him. The break in Gohan's arm is pretty bad and Mother's face is a picture of disquiet as she ties his sling.
He leans forward and plants a kiss on her cheek.
"I love you," he says.
She nods, looking like she wants to cry.
"Your father – senzu beans – tomorrow, I'll…" Her words dry up and she packs up the first-aid kit, collecting the bandages in loud silence as Gohan watches her.
It's as if she knows his time is limited. He's never seen her so defeated. Had his death done this to her?
"Goten is a teenager," he continues, "He'll grow out of this angst stage." She looks less sure, clipping the plastic tub together. "He's just… acting out."
"I'm worried about him," she finally speaks, quietly so, "And I'm worried about you."
He can't find it within himself to lie to her. He won't tell her that it'll be fine when it won't be. She leans over the sofa, standing to bring him in for a hug. Against her silky dress, smelling her perfume and leaning against her softness, Gohan closes his eyes and allows himself to feel young and insignificant. He's small and his priorities are even smaller. In the moment, he's just a boy.
"You didn't fill in the entry forms for West City High School," she says as her fingers journey through his hair.
"I forgot," he replies quietly.
"Bulma said you haven't asked anything about it."
"Yeah."
"And you haven't opened the college prospectuses."
"Mmm."
"Gohan?"
His eyes open to see her gazing down. She looks so much older than he remembers.
"You… Are you…" Her fingers stop. "Your future… You're not focussed on it. It's unlike you."
It was supposed to be a question, he's sure. It's a question she can't bring herself to ask. Does she know that he's going to die again? More so, does she know that he knows there's no point in pursuing a future here?
"I'm sorry. I've been busy with everything. I didn't mean to—"
She takes his jaw when he tries to look away. "You fight for this, Gohan," she then says with sudden fierceness. It's vulnerable and that's what makes it so hard to focus on. "You're home and… I can't… Baby, I can't have you go, not again. Please, not again."
"Mum…"
Her chin wobbles and she drops her hand. She's so devoid of the angry energy he knows her for; the manic will he loves – the fight. "I'm sorry, I…" She coughs wetly. "I… your grandfather, I'm going to see if he…"
And with that, she leaves him alone in the living room, stewing in his own guilt.
It feels like they both know the inevitable is coming.
Gohan doesn't go to the Son house the next day. He mulls about in his room at Fire Mountain, drawing circles in the margins of his workbooks as he attempts to study. Several books are strewn across the floor and he dares not look at any of them, especially the storybooks with happy endings and unrealistic white knights.
That night, he has a nightmare, a recollection of one of the days he spent slaughtering the pillaging intruders on some forested planet. He jolts, breathing hard, feeling tired and goes back to sleep only when the sun starts to peak beyond the mountains.
Once again, it's not dreamless.
The swirl of a situation not real doesn't strike him whatsoever. He doesn't realize it's a dream – or rather, a memory – until he wakes up.
"You want me to go into the Cavern alone?" Rixas reiterates as he looks between Gohan and Quell.
His face is drawn into the epitome of despair, long and pale, but neither of his brothers budge on the matter. They (Gohan perched on the rock above and Quell leaning just below) offer similar looks of smug victory, particularly Gohan who had nearly been the one sent in Rixas' place. Whilst he has lucked out today, Gohan has experienced many an occasion in which the two would send him in to perform grunt work under the guise of "training". His rock is his throne today. He makes no effort to look less self-satisfied about it.
Quell coughs. "It's an honour to have an audience with a fellow god such as Haed."
"I don't see you rushing in there!"
"I am simply providing you with the opportunity—"
"Deliver him the damn super dragon ball yourself if you think he's so great!"
Gohan feels himself grin in spite of Rixas' frustration. It's rare to see the idiot sweating like this. Actually, now that he thinks about it, Quell isn't looking to hot either. Both of them look like they'd rather be anywhere else but here. But why? All they're doing is delivering one of the super dragon balls as requested by the kais. Is there something Gohan's missing?
They'd been given theirs to store and hide. They'd done just that. Theirs is at the estate. This second one is for them to pass along to another god named Haed, one that apparently neither of his brothers cares much for.
"You just need to enter, act pleasantly, present him with the ball and then leave," Quell instructs levelly. "It should not take longer than several min—"
"God, I hate that guy. I don't wanna' go. I really don't."
"Don't be a coward, Rixas."
"He creeps me out!"
"Just get in there!"
"What if it goes wrong?"
Quell hums, sarcastic. "Well, we'll mourn you."
"Quell!"
"Nothing will go wrong. Just go."
"How about you go?"
Gohan jumps down at this point, pulling his mask down and showcasing his confusion. Rixas has never been so openly defiant as long as Gohan's known him (albeit that's as Gohan) so it's all coming as a bit of a shock. Quell appears unsurprised however, instead seeming exasperated with the situation much like a parent would be with their child. His fingers rake back parted hair; a tell-tale sign that an argument might possibly be afoot.
"Please," Gohan tries, hands raised. "I don't think we should fight about this." He looks between the two powerhouses and settles on the younger, "Rixas, Quell asked you to do this. You have always respected his decisions as our leader in the past, so why are you so adamant on disputing his choices now?"
"Yes, Rixas, why?" Quell is the least helpful person imaginable. Gohan wants to throttle him. How are they both so stubborn?
"You should just do the task and leave so we can all return home," Gohan continues, "Get in and get out."
"Mori," Rixas attempts as sensibly as he can, "If you weren't a brain damaged little idiot then you would remember exactly why I am fighting not to go into the Cavern and speak to that creepy bastard. Haed is the worst. Yet…" He breathes hard. "One of us has to go because Quell arrogantly agreed to take the dragon ball to him; clearly, a result of not losing face in front of the kais. Even I figured that one out."
"We must show we have no fear of Haed otherwise they could use him against us," Quell snipes. "Don't presume things."
"They fear him more than we do!"
"I do not fear him. I simply dislike—"
"Then you take the dragon ball!"
"This is not the time to go against my ord—"
"Stop it!" Gohan has had quite enough of this. He snatches the shrunken ball from Rixas' clammy grasp and wields it with the aim to shame. "I'll take the damn thing. Will that please you both?"
"Uwah, you will?"
Unpredictably, it's Quell who is more concerned. "Mori… You most definitely should not…"
Gohan pulls back when he's reached for. "If you trust Rixas to go then you can trust me."
"Yeah, let him go, if it's no big deal like you said."
"Mori is still not entirely… right. Are you really so spineless that you would send your little brother in your stead when he is mentally unequipped?"
God, not this again. Gohan sighs, eying them both. "I wish you would both stop making out that I'm brain damaged. I am not. Stop treating me as such."
"You might as well be," Quell tells him with a curled lip. Just when Gohan thinks the usual lecture of his disgusting mortality is about to come to pass, Quell says nothing on the matter, choosing to look him up and down in a manner of evaluation. He breathes out slowly. "Do you really want to do this?"
"Well, you don't," Gohan returns, proudly so at that.
Quell is slighted if not ashamed. "I do not, you're right. Haed… is particularly unkind… with me. And as a result, my temper can best me when I face him."
Rixas smiles blandly. "I just hate him. He makes me feel… eugh."
"I don't suppose you'll remember my impressions of him from… erm, before?"
There's a bark of amusement and Rixas finally breaks out into that stupid grin of his. "Half the time, I never knew what you thought of me."
"I doubt you ever saw Haed in a positive light," Quell says, illuminating under the glow of the pale green moon, eyes especially blazing as he considers Gohan. "You will understand why upon meeting him. There is something unnatural akin to our relationship with Haed, a root that connects us with one another and the Almighty itself."
"He serves the Almighty?"
"No, but he does affiliate with it, draws from it much like we do. Whilst we are the children of the Almighty, he is an ally."
Rixas snorts but says nothing.
"Do not worry about it for now. Just take him the ball and be done with it. I say this just so you understand that whatever unease you experience upon entering the Cavern is natural."
With all these warnings, he's coming to regret his brazen offer. Rixas' sulk has cleared up and Quell is too distracted with his usual babying of him to question whether or not Gohan now wants to do it. Basically, their wish has been granted. They're free. Neither of them have the burden.
Quell gives him the dragon ball (now the size of an insect at best) along with the directions through the Cavern. He tells him how to reach Haed as Rixas smugly takes Gohan's old position on the rock, swinging his legs and staring out over the cliff's edge. He basks in his luck and smiles into the clear sky.
"He prefers speaking in Lanit-Tongue," Quell tells Gohan, spinning him back to attention. After the regurgitation of information earlier chanted at Rixas, Gohan can barely focus. There's a click of the fingers. "Do not speak Common. By the heavens, do not."
"Got it."
"Seriously, Mori. One word of Common and—"
"I've got it."
"Good." Quell nods, patting his shoulder. "Good. All right. Off you go, then."
"Good luck!"
And like that, Gohan's plunged into the Cavern and the darkness that comes with it.
"That's right. Come to me…"
Haed…
Gohan stares up at his ceiling, stretching his fingers towards it.
Shin had mentioned Haed. Will he become involved?
Gohan hopes not.
He swallows the bile lodged in his throat and drags himself up. A memory masquerading as a dream is not unusual, but it does beg the question as to why? Is his subconscious setting his engines ready for an altercation… or does he just miss his brothers?
Yes… Even you, Quell.
Bastard.
He sighs and readies himself for another day on planet Earth.
His dad shows up because he hasn't been to the house. But after hearing of Goten's experiences, Gohan finds himself not ready to face either the house or his father. Dad doesn't read between the lines and is his jubilant self, parading around the castle and around Gohan with his bright morning-person energy.
"You're so grumpy today, Gohan. Sleep badly?"
"Yes."
Gohan finds that his act slips when his precious eight hours is quartered. Not only that but his mum has barely spared him a few words and Goten has been either dwelling in his room or hiding away at Capsule Corporation since the altercation.
Gohan nearly brings the… choking thing up to his dad. He wants to know more whilst at the same time wanting to hide away much like Mum and Goten. In the end, he doesn't mention it if only because he hasn't the energy. He does text Videl about it however. He asks her about Goten's relationship with their parents and about whether or not Goten might be overreacting.
[We'll talk about it this weekend]
He stares at the text, feeling his heart sink.
I'm trying to make it better for you, Goten.
His brother's words keep playing through his head and he can't help but consider the significance.
'But that's not how it is, huh? We have all this responsibility and powers and… and they look down on me because I don't like it.'
Gohan can change that. Gohan can change everything. Even here, ki ruins all. He could give the gift or normality to his brother, to the Earth; to all.
And then Quell's unwelcome voice hits back.
"You think this is about them, Mori?" Quell had seethed, "It's not. Whatever retched little hole within you has made itself known, whatever void you're trying to fill, know that this is entirely about you. This is what you want to sacrifice this collective –your life- for; your own immature and selfish principles."
"Selfish principles, huh?"
He palms the phone, watching the Earth's moon rise and signify yet another day coming to an end on this planet. Time is limited, he thinks as he sits atop the castle roof alone. A solitary evening is rare but valued, reminding him of those lonely nights when he would travel from planet to planet in order to assist those in need.
That's what I do, Quell. I help people. What do you do?
He sighs, tasting the autumn breeze.
The moon falls and the next day the sun rises. Gohan dreams of bloodshed once more, and then again the following night as if a newly born habit.
Mum is talking to him again by that next morning thankfully. She brushes his hair back and examines his weary eyes over breakfast. "I don't think you should go to Capsule Corporation today."
But he has to go. Shin will be there. Eyrelle will be there. Gohan needs to be there. He spoons the slop in his bowl, poking at the egg swimming in the gruel. Everything is unappetizing. Over the other side of the dining table, Goten watches him and says nothing, shovelling in the congee with such little grace that Quell would faint upon seeing it.
Dad collects him early - early enough that Goten hasn't yet set off for school, although Gohan wishes he had. He sends Gohan a pointed look and leaves without even greeting their father.
"What's up with Goten?" Dad asks.
Gohan shrugs a shoulder and that's the end of it.
"I need to speak with you later, Goku," Mother says as she passes Gohan his jacket. Whether the topic is him or Goten, she doesn't say, but it does sound serious.
"Uh, sure."
Gohan rides Nimbus. He feels especially weak today. Surprisingly, the cloud still considers him pure after all the shit he's done; perhaps that's more to do with the circumstance of soul purity as opposed to just how good someone is. It's curious. He might look into it when he gets home to the estate. By the time they reach Capsule Corporation the weather has turned. Rain pelts down and Gohan's jacket is barely enough to keep him dry.
"You're late," Piccolo greets when they arrive. No glance is spared for Gohan.
This pisses him off, more so than usual.
"Traffic," Gohan sneers before he can take it back.
They both turn to him.
"I'm tired. Uh, sorry." He brushes past them both and enters the meeting room. Eyrelle doesn't acknowledge him but Brutil does. He saunters right on over and tests Gohan's ire.
"Hey, kiddo, I know the Supreme Kai likes you and all but it ain't school. You can't just drop by when you like and expect little more than a detention."
Gohan considers what it'd be for Brutil to drink his meals through a straw.
"Ah, sorry." He smiles sweetly. "To have such grand beings like yourselves wait for a lowly child like me is such an honour. I hope I'm not keeping you from anything important."
I know your duties. Until ordered by the kais, you're lounging about and pretending to be important.
Brutil frazzles at the tone. The sarcasm is sensed but he hasn't the time to respond as Shin is on the approach and ushering them to their seats. Satisfaction warms Gohan like liquor as he takes his place next to his dad.
"The Zealites attacked and killed one of the kais yesterday," the Supreme Kai then announces, grim.
There's a drawn out silence. Previous satisfaction dies a quick death.
"That's why you called us here?" Vegeta eventually asks. "I don't care about some random kai biting it a million miles away from here."
Gohan leans in. "Is this the first confirmed death?"
"Yes."
His brows raise and he leans back, contemplative.
"Not only that but they have been spotted in other realms. They have been sighted in Hell, Otherworld, the demon realm and other places of pious interest."
"Like the Realm of the Almighty," Eyrelle adds softly.
This is for Gohan's sake, no doubt. He tries to keep his expression neutral.
The Supreme Kai looks about as uncomfortable as Gohan feels, wringing purple hands around and around. "Yes, there too," he admits lowly, "Lord Quell is quite rightly spitting feathers about it. I imagine he'll be joining the fray any day now."
Shit.
Dad's curiosity is piqued. "Who?"
"A God of Revelation," Shin informs, "He's another god in the same league as Lord Beerus."
Gohan wants to scoff. Quell could beat Beerus.
"In the same league? Woah."
"So long as he's not as trigger happy as Lord Beerus then that will be an improvement," Piccolo comments from the other side of the table where he looms. "The Earth does not need another god to dangle eradication over its head."
"Lord Quell is…" Shin looks for his words. He gazes towards Eyrelle. "Lord Quell is not as easily managed as Lord Beerus can be, but he tends to be more down-to-earth. Just make sure if you ever do come to meet him that you keep your distance and your tongue tied. He does not suffer fools."
"Basically, he doesn't find idiots cute so you can't pull the same stuff you did with Lord Beerus," Brutil says in addition to that. Gohan wonders if that advice is from experience.
"Another ego, then," Vegeta mutters.
"He'll likely become involved, soon at that. He has been upon the Zealites for many years, many more than I have."
"And why didn't he become involved sooner?" Piccolo questions.
He hates the kais.
Shin's smile is wobbly. "He hates the kais. It's not uncommon for kais and gods to be unfriendly. Whilst we have an ally in Lord Beerus, there are many others who do not want to cooperate with the kais or the Kai Council. In saying that, Lord Quell does not appreciate the Zealites being in his garden once again. I think he will duly join my cause in stopping them."
"And threaten to destroy the Earth?"
"Let's hope it does not come to that."
"That's not entirely reassuring. The gods have brought more threat with them than the Zealites have at this point."
"I understand your frustration, Piccolo, but the Earth still stands and now it stands with a valued partnership with Lord Beerus and the kais. Despite everything, I believe it has come out stronger because of the situation as without such allies, the Zealites might have brought down destruction of their own."
Vegeta grunts, leaning back. "More gods… Where are they even coming from? What does a God of Revelation even bring?"
"Revelation," Gohan deadpans.
A glare is thrown. "Smartass. What does that even mean? Revelation of what?"
Shin chuckles nervously. "The Revelation; it's something that comes about every so often – millennia apart – and changes the tide of existence. The current generation's predecessors had been the ones to exterminate relics in the first place."
They could have done a better job to be honest…
Piccolo vocalizes his confusion. "Predecessors? Generation?"
Surprisingly, it's Eyrelle who explains. Her tepid voice carries well enough. "There are four Gods of Revelation. There is the God of Conquest, God of Famine, God of War and God of Death; each are born from the spirit of the Almighty and represent the cycle of life and change that comes with it. The only one the kais are in contact with is Lord Quell, the God of Conquest. He's their subsequent leader, the eldest of four brothers, and only remaining one with a public profile. Lord Famis had been known to the kais before his death… Lord Rixas and Lord Mori have not been publically introduced to the kais."
Shin stares at her. "That's right. You were Lord Famis'… Oh, oh. I'm sorry to bring this up."
"I am fine, Supreme Kai."
"So there are three more gods who might become involved…" Anxiety worries Piccolo's expression. "This is growing ever more complicated."
"I hope Lord Rixas does not become involved in particular. Whilst I have never met him, I hear stories of his savage fighting ability."
Accurate.
"And Lord Mori?"
Relief sweeps the kai. "Not a threat." Gohan nearly slides off his chair – not a threat? Tch! "Like Lord Famis, he has no fighting capabilities. Only two of the collective are combatants as is tradition of the lineage. Whilst not a warrior, Lord Famis had been a talented magic user and avid collector of the relics before his dea—"
Dad slams a hand down. "Aha! So Lord Famis is behind all this!"
There are multiple groans, including Brutil's. "No, idiot. He's dead."
"Lord Quall then!"
Shin shakes his head. "Lord Quell wants the Zealites dead, I assure you. He believes them responsible for his brother's death."
Vegeta hums. "So one is dead, likely by the Zealites, and as a result, this Lord Quell is chasing them in a bid for revenge."
Ten points to Vegeta. Look how basic you are, Quell. So easily read.
"What does all this mean?" Dad understandably questions. "Should we be worried about more god stuff happening?"
"About Lord Quell? Let's see what happens in the future. Luckily, we have someone with experience with the Gods of Revelation working very closely with us."
Eyrelle turns to stone. "Do not expect me to overstep my position, Supreme Kai. I cannot reveal more than societally expected."
Especially with me breathing down her neck. Gohan sends her a tired smirk.
"Your loyalty to the Almighty is renowned, Eyrelle. You have my respect for that but; naturally, I know you will help chaperone us not to test Lord Quell's patience in the future, of course?"
"I shall try." When they turn away from her, she sends Gohan a meaningful glance: one that's hungry for guidance. Gohan finds it curious. Does she await instruction from him?
Oblivious, Piccolo remains grave. "Should all this concern us right now?"
"Yes and no." Shin sighs with immeasurable weight. "Whilst I don't think this directly affects the going-on situation on Earth I do think we need to appropriately manage our defences. One informant mentioned that the Zealites are known to still to be loitering somewhere on the planet, having been spotted particularly in this area, the one in which you all dwell. An attack is likely imminent, and we should do our best to defend Earth without godly intervention. So, I need you all to be honest with me, are any of you harbouring any relics? Or perhaps, are any of you with information about any possible relics?"
"Tch, how are we supposed to know what a relic even is?" Vegeta returns, "What makes a dragon ball a relic when that pole of Kakarot's isn't?"
"I'm just asking. For them to be around, it means they want something."
Or know something.
Gohan drums his fingertips along the table. He has a relic – not with him, of course. Do they know? Is that why the Zealites went to the Realm of the Almighty? Do they want it; do they want the super dragon ball?
"I can't say that I have anything else that could pass as one." Dad hums.
"Neither do I," Piccolo adds.
Gohan's attention flitters over to Brutil, who next freezes at his words. "Unless the Z Sword found its way back to me then I can't say I have anything to hand."
"Well, that's just it," Shin says, "The kai who was slayed was the keeper of the Ostentatious Chamber of Relics. Several pieces were taken, most notably; the Z Sword."
My sword?
Now he's pissed off again. He looks over to Eyrelle, who must have clearly known along with Shin and Brutil, and thins his eyes in a desperate bid she tell him more. She doesn't respond one way or another.
Brutil slams a fist down. "It's just a kick in the teeth! Those bastards just want to slowly rip away at what the kais have spent millennia building up! I shall have their heads!"
"I'm sorry about your kai friend, Shin," Dad says. "And I'm sorry about the history stuff, but I'm more curious about what you mean when you talk about our defences on Earth. What are you suggesting we do?"
The Supreme Kai nods and then turns to Gohan. "Are you well enough to perform the ritual again, Gohan?"
His blood runs cold.
"Yes," Vegeta agrees, "It's about time. I am sick of Kakarot lording that blasted transformation over me."
Piccolo breathes out. "Have either of you ever thought about earning your transformations instead of having them bestowed upon you?"
"This is coming from the namekian who fuses with anyone who shows enough interest."
"How dare you!"
"Don't fight, guys."
"Be quiet, Goku, I'm not about to be looked down on by someone reliant on a ritual to ease an ego."
"At least I can keep up, which is more that can be said for you. When were you last relevant? Why are you even here? The boy is at least useful enough to fulfil the ritual. Even if he's inadequate, his blood is not."
Brutil laughs.
Gohan does not. His head pulses with the lot of it.
Dad defends his honour like the maiden Gohan's found himself to be. "Don't start, Vegeta. If you want Gohan's help then maybe you should show him some more respect."
Vegeta's lip upturns at the thought. "I'll respect him when he has self-respect."
Shin raises a hand, weak. "Stop it. Let's not fight again."
"What's that supposed to mean, Vegeta?"
"It means that he doesn't have any," Vegeta scorns, "No saiyan would self-mutilate his body like he did; a pampered, entitled mama's boy had no reason to… to quit. He's a dishonour to the saiyan lineage and a dishonour to himself."
Dad speaks at the same time Gohan finally does, but Gohan's louder. His confusion is apparent. "What; I'm a dishonour because of… suicide?"
Desperately, Shin tries once more. "Please, st—"
Gohan raises a hand, cutting him off. The hot anger is swelling up inside him once more. "You're personally offended because I, what, might have killed myself? What's that got to do with you?"
Dad is becoming equally worked up. "You didn't kill yourself."
Gohan's next words are spat in the prince's direction. "And you expect me to perform the ritual?"
"Gohan, you can't refuse this out of a petty grudge," the Supreme Kai says in a hushed tone, "Please, you have sense."
"And I don't?" Vegeta snaps, "You, boy, represent nothing but failure. You quit, you deserted, you ruined your own family by killing yourself. You're a disgrace and the only reason I associate with you is because I have to."
"Gohan didn't kill himself!"
"Vegeta, Gohan doesn't even remember the incident," Shin attempts diplomatically. "You mustn't hold it against him right now."
Dad's voice rises. "There's nothing to remember. Gohan didn't do it – he was murdered!"
Gohan turns to him next. "What?"
"You have nothing to be ashamed of Gohan; you didn't kill yourself. You did nothing wrong."
"Wait, so if I did kill myself then… then I should be ashamed?"
"But you didn't."
"But if I did?"
"But you didn't."
"And how do you know that, Dad? What… What makes you think that's the truth? How do you know?"
"I know you. You know you!"
"I don't know what happened!"
"You're better than that! You would never!"
The anger builds into an ice wall of cold fury. He feels himself frosting over. "I…" he testily manages, looking around at his audience. Piccolo's determined avoidance has that wall crack. "I am so sick of you saying that," Gohan whispers, "All of you… You all look down on suicide as though it makes me a lesser… I'm a person. Whether or not I did it is not relevant to how you should treat me now – today. I am still the person from before – I am still your friend," he focuses on Piccolo, "your son," and then on his dad, before ultimately turning to Vegeta, "and the person you once found it in yourself to respect."
Vegeta looks repulsed at the very idea. "I don't deal in charity, Gohan. You know that." Audaciously, he eyeballs him. "And you're no less the coward you were when I first met you all those years ago; what is there to respect?"
"…Then let your narrow-mindedness be your downfall," Gohan bites out, livid. "Excuse me."
Just as Gohan stands and turns to leave the table, his father's hand encircles his wrist. "Sit down, Gohan. Don't let Vegeta make—oh, your nose, it's…"
The blood drips liberally onto the carpet.
God… he's… he's so sick of this!
"You're falling to pieces, aren't you?" Brutil smirks; head in hand and enamoured with the show. "What a mess you are."
"Brutil…" Eyrelle warns.
"Maybe if you didn't kill yourself then maybe you wouldn't be in this situation."
"Gohan didn't kill himself!"
"God damn it, Kakarot, see some sense, you great, moronic buffoon!"
"Please, we need to discuss the Zealites—"
"It didn't happen!"
"The boy is spelling it out for you!"
Drip. Drip. Drip. The blood just keeps on coming.
"Gohan, sit down, please. Just, let's all talk about this like the civilized adults we all are, right, gentlemen?"
"You need to stop burying your head in the sand and see the truth—"
Drip. Drip.
"The truth is that it was probably the Zealites that killed him—"
Drip.
"Don't delude yourself!"
"Gohan would never—"
Drip. Drip.
"He selfishly—"
"You think this is about them, Mori?" Quell seethes deep from within Gohan's mind, through the fog, "It's not. Whatever retched little hole within you has made itself known, whatever void you're trying to fill, know that this is entirely about you."
"Gohan isn't selfish!"
"You think he's your perfect little angel, right, Kakarot, unlike your second one who can't throw a punch to save a life?"
"I can't be you." Goten had pathetically sobbed the other day. Gohan recalls each tear shed. "I can't be perfect! I'm sorry I'm not you."
Drip. Drip.
Dad stands. "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying that you should grow up and consider that Gohan isn't the sunshine and rainbows you remember him to—"
"Don't you dare do this, Vegeta!"
"Is that a threat?" He stands, too.
Drip. Drip. Drip.
"He's a selfish disgrace! He ruined your family and you let him be free of the responsibility! Why can't you see that?"
"Gohan would never!"
You're perfect.
"Shut up!" Gohan screams. He brings his hand down so hard that the table crashes down beneath. "Both of you; shut up!"
He breathes hard, focusing on not letting his energy slip like the other day.
"G-Gohan…"
"No," he barks at his father, "Be quiet! I won't listen to any of this anymore. If you don't respect me, Vegeta, whatever, I don't care. If that's how you want it to be then that's fine – I don't want the respect of someone without a shred of compassion anyway. And you, Dad, just…" The words don't come, not the ones he'd let slip in front of a kai or his underlings. He bites his tongue and feels the bile riot in his gut. "…Just stop. It's embarrassing. Stop it. It isn't important whether or not I…" he sighs, pinching his brow. "Stop it."
Gohan next turns to Piccolo. The vacancy has been replaced with morbid fascination. There's nothing Gohan can say here. Instead, he wipes his nose finally, surveys the room and leaves.
On the other side of the door, he nearly charges head first into two individuals who should not be there – who should be at school – and not eavesdropping on everything two high-school students have no right witnessing.
"…Gohan," his brother weakly manages.
For some reason, Goten's face just pisses him off all the more. The god quirks a self-depreciating smile. "Not so perfect, huh?"
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I hope FF isn't being shit and actually sends people their notifications : ). Terrible site. I've had no emails about my reviews and PMs.
Besides Chapter 19, this is the longest chapter by far. I hope the wait was worth it! I've been on a health kick recently so I've been going to the gym a lot as well as working and doing life things. My aim is to hike Mount Emei next year without dying.
Whilst life goes on, I have been keeping an eye on the feedback for this story and wow, I got what I asked for. For one, I got my delicious desired flames. Mama, I've made it! I got me' some flames. Does that mean I'm validated now? All the good stories have them, you see. In fact, one reader accused me of sexism, which was a great time (we discussed in PMs and it was a good chat actually). But let me say for those in the back again: I write characters. They do not represent my opinions. The language they use is chosen to reflect their personalities, and I don't shade everyone in black and white. People in real life are grey. Good people say bad shit and bad people whisper pretty niceties. I don't write tropes, flowery words or Disney-woke bullshit. I'm a feminist but I'm not going to pretend the world caters to it.
So yeah, grand stuff. Aaaanyway, the positive reviews have been LOVELY. My swinging brick felt warm and I felt inspired enough that it gave me the kick up the arse to get this chapter done. Seriously, some of you have really touched me. Thank you.
And thank you for everyone sticking with me on this story. I know it's not your usual DBZ fic. I just... can't write in that style. It's a skill I don't have, and I used to be anxious about it because I know, as a reader, I value a certain atmosphere/vibe to the stories I consume. However, this is how I express my stories. The tale is still being told and there is more to uncover.
Fun times are coming. Gohan is not in the best place. He's losing control and time is running out.
Next chapter, expect a Goku and Goten POV. I'd say we're about 3/5 through the story about now if I had to guess. My guesstimation takes us to finishing this story around about 40 chapters (definitely more lmao).
Huge shout out to Kags for the beta work. She did however make me cut the last scene so that's why you get another cliff hanger. Blame her, haha. Oh, I have a question. Do you like longer chapters or more compact? I do worry they're reaching too long. This doesn't mean my updates will be more frequent if I reduce the size. It just means I'll prioritize certain scenes. For me, I prefer hunky chapters. But I'm curious.
Cheers. See you on the next one~
