When I went to sleep last night I hoped that I would remain in the blissful darkness. But the morning came and the world still spun. My head ached as usual. Instead, this time I didn't have anything to reduce the effects.

There was a sword next to me. It was an old, worn-down looking sword and there was a piece of paper next to it. I looked closer to see that it was an envelope with a letter. I hastily ripped it open and began to read the neat Gothic text.

Dear Tarnished,

After you fell asleep yesterday, I noticed that you owned no sort of armament. I went out to purchase you a sword. Unfortunately, the only one I could buy in haste was crudely made and heavily damaged. I understand that it is not much.

Regards,

Melina

I looked at the blade and then back to the note. She really didn't have to do that for me. Well, I guess she's obligated by her job to make sure that I'm fully equipped but still.

"Thanks, Melina," I said under my breath.

The blade felt heavy in my hand even though I knew it was supposed to be light. Another thing that concerned me was that grace was leading me to go through the gatefront. The problem was that a platoon of soldiers were standing beyond it, with barricades and cheval de frises.

Hesitation was building up in my gut. There were a lot of scary-looking men with scary-looking weapons that could drive me through in an instant.

Then I remembered last night. Melina gave me something. I reached to find and brought out the ring.

I placed it on my ring finger and put it up to the light to get a clearer look. It really was a finely crafted piece of work.

This ring was supposedly used to summon Torrent. I clenched my fist.

Nothing.

I waved my hand around.

Nothing.

"Melina!" I cried out.

"Yes, Tarnished?" She materialized in front of me with her hood down. She looked different in the daylight. A less menacing figure and more of a hero you would see in the tales of history. Melina had a confused expression on her noble face.

"How do I use this ring?" I presented my hand to her.

"Thou called me for this?" she asked.

I sighed frustratedly and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Melina," I said, "Magic does not exist in my world. So I don't even have a rudimentary grasp of how things work in the Lands Between."

"Your world is void of incantations and sorcery?" she asked.

"Yes!" I said, "We have to follow the Laws of Thermodynamics! Yet, in this world, you can just summon whatever you like out of thin air!"

"I give my utmost apologies," she said, "It seems truly that you have no knowledge of this world. This does make my role a more vital one."

"You're the only reason I'm gonna make it out of here alive if I do make it out of here alive," I told her.

"You need to learn to stand alone, Tarnished. What will happen to you when I am gone?" That was a fair point. Before Melina came along I had no reliable source of information or help. Who else would help me? Melina would probably leave right as I get her to the Erdtree. Then I would be alone all over again.

"I don't know," I admitted, "I don't know."

An awkward silence hung over us before Melina said, "You need only whistle using the ring and you will summon Torrent."

Really, as simple as that?

"Thank you," I said. She bowed her head and then disappeared.

I whistled, letting out a sharp shrill and I felt myself being pushed up as something appeared from under me. A dark, bulky steed which brandished devilish horns on its head.

Oh, wait, I don't know how to ride a horse!

But I didn't want to call Melina again; that would be way too awkward. And she's right, I need to learn how to figure things out on my own. Besides, it shouldn't be too hard. I obviously won't be participating in any riding competitions any time soon but moving shouldn't be all too bad.

"All right, Torrent," I said, "Go!"

The mystical horse reared up and began sprinting forwards. I was astonished by the sheer speed that Torrent displayed. I raced under the portcullis of Stormgate, alerting many soldiers. There was no way that those soldiers could catch me while I was on Torrent.

From above, I heard a deep, guttural roar which shook the mountains. It was a large troll creature that was many times larger than me. Even though it was big, it had a foul stringiness to its muscle tissue. Its flesh looked anemic but had a disgusting hardness to it. The troll was perched on the cliff high above me and it sluggishly heaved itself up and jumped down.

"Torrent, run faster!" I said in a panic. The shadow of the troll was over me.

We barely got out from under it in time and the shockwave shot rocks into the back of my head. Torrent bypassed the blockades that the soldiers had put up. I raced up Stormhill, ignoring the chaos left in my wake. People were shouting curses and obscenities at me as I rode by. Arrows had flown past my face. Is this what being a soldier entails? When I get back home, I am going to tell every veteran I meet that I appreciate them because I cannot deal with this!

A heavy rain had begun pouring down on me and it took me by surprise. Never has rain started so abruptly. Maybe that's why they call this place Stormhill.

The road curved to the left as I kept speeding up the mountain and I passed a broken down shack. I noticed that Torrent never seemed to tire. He grunted a lot but never showed any signs of slowing down.

I made it to the top of Stormhill and looked upon the venerable Stormveil Castle. It looked old but still strong like it was a living legend. The rain poured down harder and the wind made me shiver.

Soldiers of Godrick lay ahead of me and they had a ballista. I jumped off of Torrent and he disappeared as I did and I ran on foot towards the men.

"Slay the Tarnished!" they shouted.

I did what I was best at. Dodging. I got close enough to where the ballista wouldn't be useful. The soldiers had heater shields bearing the same crest as on their clothes. I slipped past them and ran into the tunnel that led towards Stormveil. It was a long hall that I was running down but I could see the familiar and welcome light of a Site of Grace. However, the soldiers were much more athletic than me and caught up to me very quickly.

I felt a sharp pain shoot up the length of my calf. A soldier had pierced me with their spear! I cried helplessly like I did back then. Back when that horrible creature killed me. I was still the same.

No will to fight back.

I hopped over to the Site of Grace and dove towards it.

Yes, I touched it!

The site was active, glowing powerfully.

I quickly got up and faced my adversaries. This time, I would not die helplessly. I brandished my sword at them, trying to appear menacing.

Instead, they chuckled a bit.

"You look as if you've never held a sword before, Tarnished," one of them said, "Come, let us end this. I can barely look at your pitiable condition."

"Oh yeah?" I asked. My facade didn't fool anyone. I was absolutely terrified.

They inched closer and closer, little by little. I waited for an opening in any of their stances. It never came.

A spear stabbed deep into me. A slash from a blade came upon my shoulder. The spiked ball of a flail hit my side. I fell onto the ground and felt a boot on my head.

"Hahaha, Tarnished, you make me laugh," he said, "You know, I was getting bored at my post. Thank you for coming up here and giving me a good laugh." He pushed harder on my face and I cried out through clenched teeth. Veins were probably popping up on my face from how hard I was straining.

"Hey, hey!" the soldier called out, "Who wants to kill the Tarnished? I can't bring myself to kill him but it might get you a promotion from Godrick if you kill him."

"I will!" one immediately chimed in.

"Just make sure to keep the arms intact. Godrick will need those." What does that mean?! What is Godrick gonna do with my arms?!

"Ah, don't remind me. It's disgusting what he does."

I was picked up by the back of my head and made to look at the face of the soldier. He had a devious smile on his face as he slammed my head against the stone wall. My vision was black as my eyes wouldn't even open for me. I felt blood run from my forehead down my face.

"Oy, stop messing with him! We still have a job to do, you know."

"All right, all right, fine." He let go of me and my head slammed against the cold floor. "Goodbye, Tarnished."

That was when he drove a sword through my skull.


I awoke from the slumber of death at the Site of Grace I had activated before my untimely death.

"Tarnished." Melina popped into view with her eyes furrowed, not mad but worried. "You suffered a terrible loss."

Don't remind me.

"It was crushing to look on passively," she said. Wow, way to rub it in.

"Why didn't you help me? I was dying."

"Forgive me," she simply said, "I thought such a unique Tarnished as yourself would have slain those soldiers easily."

"You were wrong."

"I am deeply sorry." I laid there in despair. If I couldn't take on men then how shall I take on demigods? Melina's disappointment only amplified my pain. "I ask that you stay here. Dying takes a toll and it is not a light one. I sense a powerful presence just beyond the entrance that leads to the bridge that goes to Stormveil."

"Is it a monster?" I asked.

"I lack comprehension of what it is," she said, "I advise not progressing any further. You should rest."

I felt like she was looking down on me. Not in an intentional, condescending way but she reminded me of a disappointed mother. In a way, I felt bad for her, having to care for something so useless.

I remember my mother.


Crap, I was running late. I drove up to my parents house for a family gathering and I was supposed to be there half an hour ago.

I parked in their driveway and rushed to get to the door. I rang the doorbell, nervously anticipating the door opening. It did and I was greeted with my mother's time-worn face. Her hair was gray and her cheeks were starting to sag. She already looked like a kind grandmother.

"Hello, Nathaniel!" she greeted me excitedly, "I didn't think you were going to make it."

"Technically, I didn't," I said, "But I'm here." She ushered me to come in and once inside, I was met with the rest of my family.

My two brothers were sitting at the dinner table and they looked up to see me.

"Hey, long time no see!"

I gave a terse, "Hi."

"Nathaniel, did you hear that your cousin got into M.I.T?" my mother asked. My aunt had a very proud, or I guess smug, look on her face, nodding up and down.

"Really?" I tried my best to hide the jealousy in me. "That's amazing news." It was made worse because my cousin was younger than me.

I sat down at the dinner table next to my older sister.

"Hey, Iris?" My mom called and my older sister perked up.

"Yeah?" she said.

"How's the job been?" Great, now they were talking about jobs. I just have to remain as invisible as possible to avoid humiliation.

"It's been rough. I've had to perform a few stressful operations on patients in the past few days that have drained me."

"Oh, make sure to take good care of yourself, dear," my mom said.

"I will, don't worry about me. If I didn't, I wouldn't be able to perform surgeries on people."

My mom was starting to go down the line of people, asking them about their lives. It was inevitable. It was destined to end this way.

She finally got to me.

"Nathaniel, how have you been? Meet anyone? Did you find a stable job?"

"It's been all right," I said, not wanting to give a lofty response.

"Come on, bro, give us more details than that!" my brother said. Oh how I wish I could tell him to be quiet.

"Like what?"

"Last time we spoke you said you were out of a job. What job do you have now?"

"I'm a data entry operator."

"Oooooohhhh, sounds cool, what do you do?" Everyone leaned in to hear my answer.

"I enter data into a computer," I told them. That has got to be the most boring answer in all of history.

"Nice," my brother said dismissively.

"How much does it pay?" my mother asked.

"I get by," I said mysteriously, making sure to omit the fact that I might lose it soon. I could tell that my mother was concerned for me. I think she sees through my neutral responses. She was worried, I could tell. But seeing her look at me, her son, in a disappointed way made me want to hide away forever.

I'm sorry, Mom. After everything you've done, I still ended up like this.


I snapped back into the present after reminiscing about the past. Melina was still there, politely kneeling next to me.

She was a patient woman. Her expression, unchanging. She never revealed to me that she was annoyed or getting irritated, if she even felt that at all.

However, I couldn't stop thinking about her previous comment. She said that she thought that I would've at least been able to beat those soldiers. But I ended up getting shamed by them. They pulverized me.

My heart pounded just thinking about it. My blood boiled, crying out to spill my enemies' blood. My stomach craved vengeance not agaisnt the soldiers specifically but against my incompetence, against my inadequacies of doing anything with myself.

"I'm going," I decided. I pushed myself up onto my feet and marched to find whatever it was that Melina had sensed.

"Tarnished!" Melina exclaimed, surprised, "You are not ready to fight whatever lies beyond that passage. I implore you earnestly to come back. Thou barely knowest how to wield a blade!"

"I don't care!" I said, "I'm going to prove that I am able to be something."

Melina scrambled up. "Tarnished, please-"

I walked outside the tunnel and onto a bridge and as soon as that happened, a golden mist closed up the entrance behind me, locking Melina inside.

She'll see. She'll see that I'm not some child that needs to be taken care of.

An ominous wind flowed through my hair as dust flew up into the air. On the bridge, I had a clear view of Stormveil. Its walls were lined with gold and the machicolations were spiked.

Many weapons were on the ground as if many had died on this bridge, leaving only their weapons and armor behind.

Normally, I would be reluctant to keep stepping forward. However, this time, my anger was still seething. I wanted to take my rage out of the next monster I saw.

This was my chance to say to the world that I, Nathaniel, had a place here! That I am not hopeless! I am not a fool!

My armor was heavy on my body but my sheer will made me bear it. It made me act as if it were light.

I wanted to cut something with my blade. I wanted to feel what it was like to rip open flesh and see the blood come gushing out!

I waited. Waited for that thing that Melina had told me about. Where was it?! The sooner it came out, the sooner it would perish by my hands!

"Foul Tarnished," I heard. Excellent. "In search of the Elden Ring." The voice was gruff yet noble. I looked up to see on a nearby tower an ogre-like creature standing there. In his right hairy hand, a wooden staff. On his face there were large horns protruding out in random directions. He had messy white hair like that of an arctic fox. He adorned a golden shawl that resembled the color of the Erdtree.

"You are emboldened by the flame of ambition," he said. He was correct.

I spread out my arms like an eagle inviting him to come face me. My fear was overwhelmed by my wrath. All the years of being someone who couldn't do anything, who controlled nothing could be put to rest if I destroy this creature. If I slay him, I will have at least one accomplishment to my name.

He leaped from his post on the tower and landed in front of me causing an explosion of dust creating a sort of smokescreen. Once it cleared, I got a closer look at the monster. He was bigger than I expected.

"Someone must extinguish thy flame," he said. I stood there shaking on the inside but not showing it. I stared at that creature's face, directly into his eyes. He was my foe. He was the only thing in the way of me proving to everyone that I am not as worthless as they thought I was.

If he wants to fight, let him come with haste.

"Let it be Margit the Fell!" he rasped. So Margit was his name.

He held his staff that had a tapered point on the end like a sword in one hand as did I with my weapon.

"Come on!" I purposefully provoked him.

We both charged at each other.

Margit leaped into the air and I ducked underneath. He plunged his staff into the ground and I animalistically pounced on his back grabbing on with all my strength. I stabbed him in the back. It felt so wrong and sickening. The feeling of cutting through tissue was visceral and raw.

"ARGH!" Margit screamed as he shook me off. I fell onto my back and frantically got back up. "Such anger. You have blind rage. What for?"

"That doesn't concern you!" I lunged at him and thrust my arm forward, aiming for the throat. He deflected it and summoned a glowing sword in his free hand and slashed at me. I felt as it carved lines into me but I tried pushing on through.

"Naive, Tarnished. Do you not know the peril you find yourself in?" He slammed his staff into the ground, sending me flying back. "Such a fresh face, you are. No old wisdom in you. You're just a rash young man."

"What is it to you?!" I slashed his arm and he smiled. He leaped backwards and threw energy daggers at me and one directly struck me in the chest.

"You think attaining the Elden Ring is easy? You are nothing but a brainsickly daw. Thinking you can charge ahead with no prudence? Thou surely see thyself to death. Your place is not at the right hand of the throne, it's under a tombstone." He dashed forward and grabbed me in his hand and brought me up to his face.

He said, "You look sickly as if afflicted with Scarlet Rot. I am Margit the Fell Omen. You are a Tarnished of no renown, savior of nothing."

"RGH!" I struggled in my enraged state, not able to budge his hand.

"Look at how pathetically thou struggle," he said, "Wriggling and twitching like a worm."

"Shut up!"

"Quiet, Tarnished! Thou art in no place to speak thy mind." He tightened his grip to emphasize his point.

"I'll kill you!"

"Dost thou really believe that? Thou verily are delusional." Margit tossed me away like I was some small, insignificant stone that he skipped on a lake.

"Agh!" I bellowed as I hit the floor. "You're nothing but a self-aggrandizing blowhard! You act so powerful yet you can be killed just like anyone!" I insulted trying to lift myself up.

He walked over to me and leaned down. "Art thou sure that thee isn't talking about thyself? Thou attempts to be powerful to make up for the absence of strength then complains when faced with true competence. That is the most pathetic thing of all."

I skewered him right through his sternum. My aim was off, I was aiming for the neck, but I still got him.

However, Margit wasn't phased. "Thou dost not understand!" he said, pulling out my sword from his skin and lifting my beat-up body by the leg, hanging me upside down. "Thou art such a feeble man."

Any words I tried to get out were hindered by the blood building up in my mouth from being hung by the foot. I spat out blood violently.

"You dare insult me by going after the Elden Ring? To do that, one must have the mental fortification for it. However, you are still spotless, no ounce of blood on you except for your own. This journey is folly."

He poked me forcefully with his staff and I might have heard a rib snap. "Look at how easily you break," he said.

I could tell that he was toying with me.

Margit continued to toss me around like a rag doll occasionally taunting me every now and then. I tried to unlock my inner rage. But the more I did, the messier I became and the more mistakes I made which ultimately led to me being pushed around.

My rage wasn't towards him.

It was towards me.

Every time he beat me, there was a crunching sound. My body felt numb and cold. My vision was blackening.

"A pathetic sight thou art," he uttered, "Chasing after the Elden Ring like a wayward dream." I was paralyzed on the ground as he came over. "Perhaps something more is going on. Underneath all that misguided hatred is something so wretched that it makes my stomach churn. Congratulations, Tarnished, you disgust me."

I smashed my fist into the ground in a futile attempt to distract from the cold feeling of blood leaking out.

"I will leave thee to rot," he said, turning around.

"RGH!" I grunted as I struggled up, my bones feeling as if they may shatter at any given moment.

"Thy strength is wavering. Thy mind is fracturing," he said, looking down, disappointed. "Soon, you will be one with the wind in the form of ash. Your legacy will vanish before it even begins."

"I can still fight-"

"No, you cannot." This man was mocking me. It was as if I was back on Earth. My anger was cooling down. The artificial madness was vanishing and I felt weak.

Why did I always feel helpless?

"Yes, I can!" I slowly marched towards him, waiting for his next move.

He only shook his head.

"Put thy foolish ambitions to rest," he said. Margit opened his hand into a claw and snatched me back up. Why?! What was I doing wrong?! Am I fated to never break the cycle of ineptness and impotence?

Margit began strangling my entire body. I couldn't cry out as I felt my lungs being compressed. I felt a shoulder get dislocated and I saw my skin becoming more red.

That was when I exploded.


I'm back.

I lay on the ground staring at the roof, blinking in shock. I lost again.

"Tarnished." The soft and grand voice was terrifying to me. I had purposefully disobeyed the caution and advice of that voice. Melina was standing over me. Her only open eye was half-closed with sleepiness. I was heedless.

I didn't speak. Any word that would have come out of my mouth would've fallen flat and made me tear up.

"I am glad thou art back." Melina's voice eventually lost its scariness. I thought I would come back to mad insults and chastisement.

"Mmm" I mumbled, not wanting to form words.

"Thou were reckless."

I know.

"Thou were careless."

I know.

"Thou were irresponsible."

I know.

"Thou were unwise."

I know.

"Thou let anger take control of thee."

I know.

"Thou… worried me." Surprised, I looked over to Melina. "Dost thou understand the harrowing position thou hadst put me in?"

"I didn't think you would care," I said, "Every time I die, I come back, right? So what does it matter to you?"

"Dost thou mistake me for being heartless? Dost thou not reckon that I also hurt when I see thee in pain?"

This was news to me. I had assumed that Melina would see my weakness and immediately rethink her decision of being my maiden. I wanted to prove to the world that I wasn't useless at everything. But it seems I made a bigger fool of myself than ever before. I was distraught and forlorn. Maybe I also wanted to prove to Melina that she didn't have to worry about me; it only seems that I proved that I need her way more than she needed me.

"I never really considered," I answered.

I could tell that Melina was trying to hold something back. It was a sigh. "Tarnished, thou art who I am bound to by contract-"

"Exactly!" I said, "You are only bound by contract to me. Contracts can be annulled."

"That was not what I was getting at," she said sternly, " I wanted to say that your life is valuable regardless of whether you can escape the grip of death."

"Are you trying to do a motivational speech or something?" I asked, chuckling. My life valuable? That notion's truth value was equivalent to those of fairy tales.

"Is that so hard for thee to believe?"

"Melina, tough luck but you're saying that to the very person that that sentiment does not apply to. I am the one person that has no purpose."

She flinched, if only just a little. "Then thou art in the same circumstance as me. I too am searching for my purpose given to me by my mother long ago in the Erdtree."

I opened my mouth to talk but thought against it. I'll let her continue.

She said, "There is something I must reveal to you, Tarnished." Melina paused; she looked extremely apprehensive. "I am no maiden. I have acted the part but cannot offer the same guidance. I am a pretender. My purpose was lost to the fair winds a long time ago."

"So you're not an official maiden?" She nodded with a disgraced look. "I'm not bothered in the slightest."

"You're not?"

"Why would I be? I've been the one causing you trouble most of all. You've done nothing but try to guide me. It was me who didn't listen to you."

"I am pleased that thou art not displeased."

My back was starting to hurt from lying down so I heaved myself up against the wall. "You'll find your purpose, Melina. Unlike me, you seem to have an air of competence around you."

"I am sure that thee will find thy purpose."

"Oh, please," I said, "A man like me doesn't have anything to contribute. I'm not valuable to society or really anyone."

"Then thou shall be valuable to me."

I looked up at her to see that her face revealed no hint of joking. Melina's one eye looked even more golden in that moment. I could barely speak

She spoke up again, "If thou truly believe that thou hast such little worth, we shall start with me. I am thy pretender maiden. Tarnished, listen to my words. Thou hast merit in my eye."

I was at a loss for words. Melina kept a relatively monotone voice when she said that but the words held so much meaning to me. Never in my life has anyone said anything remotely similar to what she has said just now.

I felt my lips curve up in a smile automatically. I stood up and said, "Well, if you're gonna say that, it must be mutual."

"I am not requesting that thou must return my conviction."

"You don't have to," I said, "You're right. You are my 'pretender' maiden."

I extended my hand out to her and took hold of her scarred hand. "If you've made the mistake of placing value in me, a broken tool, then I'll make up for it by helping you find your purpose. I'm getting you to the Erdtree!"

"Thank you, Nathaniel." She slowly retracted her hand from me and held it awkwardly with the other. "Do not make me so worried again as thou hast done today."

"No promises." Melina didn't look very happy after I said that.

"We will start with formal training. You must learn to handle yourself in combat. I mustn't see you ever bloodied and battered again."

"Right."

"And we will need you to have stronger armament. Whatever you fought was strong, was it not?"
"Yeah, Margit is one tough son of a gun."

Melina paused upon hearing that name. She seemed to ignore it and moved on from it.

"There is another thing we need to address."

"And what is that?" I asked.

"Thy anger as thou left perturbed me. I was concerned as to why thou was so upset. Was there something that set you off?"

"I'm seriously sorry that you had to see that," I apologized, "Even though it's embarrassing, I'll tell you. I was tired of being worthless. I wanted to prove to you that I could hold my own in the Lands Between."

"Tarnished, thou dost not need to prove thyself to me. I will see you through until the Erdtree," she told me, "Anger does not suit your complexion. It is a grim look, I do not like it." I would make sure that Melina would not see me like that again.

"Noted," I said.

Melina's calm expression still remained. Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever seen her smile. But there was an unspoken communication between us at that moment. We were going to help each other. Allies in a hostile world. We were a rare find.

Her face did not change much and any little movements I infrequently spotted told me nothing of what she was thinking.

But at that moment, I think I could tell.