The Horse with No Name
Chapter Thirty-Two
Gohan's Letter
Goten,
I want to start this by commending you on how brave and strong you've been. Seeing you stand tall before Lord Beerus took courage and you should be proud of yourself for that alone. I am. I know Mum and Dad have been pretty hard on you whilst I've been gone, and even in the future I think it's going to be an uphill battle for them and for you to find a middle ground. Don't let this be the hill your relationship with Dad dies on, Goten. You're going to need him, especially now, because as you well know, I'm no longer here.
I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I am. I'm sorry. I know you're hurting for what I've put you through. I don't want to go, but my body isn't coping and it's only so long until I must return from where I came from. Just know that it's not so bad and that I'm safe and that I'm not alone. I'm okay with this. I would never leave unless I had to and I do. And I really do.
I understand that it's not been a fairy-tale reunion for us and that's because of the unfair situation you've been put in. Right now, you're sitting on the rooftop outside with your headphones on and pretending I don't exist. It's a little funny, I admit. Still, growing up in my shadow must have been difficult, but it's time to walk beyond that and make your own path. You can't keep focusing on me or the memory of me as if I have something to teach you. I'm a person too, with my own mistakes. I exist beyond what I can do for you and your personal growth. It's time for you to push past the bitterness and embrace the artistic and fun young man you're supposed to be.
And Goten, if anything is to happen with Lord Beerus and that mess stay out of it. I'm amazed how you handled it the first time but there will never be a chance for a third if you attempt a second.
DO NOT BECOME INVOLVED.
The Earth needs to stay out of it.
Please tell Mum that I love her in case I haven't the chance, and tell Dad to take you fishing and that I love him too. I've been so lucky to have them. I've been truly blessed to have all of you, my friends, my family and my sweet little brother.
Be strong, Goten. Be brave!
I love you
Gohan
Videl lowers it, brows raised with the expression of someone remarkably unimpressed. She presses the scrap of notebook paper back into Goten's hand and takes a seat beside him on his bed, staring vacantly at the walls of his childhood room at 439 Mountain District.
Goten numbly folds the letter, tapping it against the palm of his hand. "So…"
"Bullshit."
"…You think?"
"Oh, you should have seen him before he left, Goten," Videl throws out thick and fast, "He knew what he was going into. Never have I seen that jerk act so self-assured than when he jumped out of my living room window. There's something funny going on. Gohan for sure knew more than he let on."
Goten isn't as positive, not this very second at least. He's up and down and up and down; one moment it's all this giant conspiracy to him and the next he remembers the look of shock in Gohan's eyes, the horror of being gutted by that monster. Goten sees it, always. Whenever he closes his own eyes he can see Gohan's. He can smell the blood, sense the dwindling of ki; feel his brother leave them – again. Goten can't escape it. He relives it constantly.
It's only been three days but Goten feels like it's been months.
And his dad still hasn't woken up. Dende said that his body is recovering but Goten doesn't remember it ever taking this long in the past. Why can't the healing wake him up? It's always done the trick in the past. They've never had to "wait for Goku's body to heal in its own time" before.
And where the hell is the Supreme Kai? He just ran away with those bastard gods and they've heard nothing of him since. He better be a goner because there's no better excuse to why he's abandoned them.
Gohan is dead. Dad is incapacitated. Piccolo is panicking and Vegeta is, well, Vegeta. There's nothing to be done except train so that's what he's doing. Meanwhile, the rest of them can only countdown their inevitable demise. After everything that happened the other day, the only thing they have to show for it is beaten morale, blood and bruises, and some crumby relic they'd been ordered not to touch.
Trunks has been stuck to him like glue at every waking moment, except for the times his mother demands Goten join her at Dad's bedside (a chore of its own). Watching Dad sleep only worsens his anxiety, only worsens the memories and the trauma and all the fucking god-awful feelings that came from watching Gohan being murdered in front of him.
Two nights ago Goten had woken up screaming. With staying at Capsule Corporation to watch over his dad in the clinic there, it'd been a world away from his home comforts. The raw wrongness – the foreign unease – had him sobbing, and soon enough Goten had opened his eyes to Bulma holding him. She must have still been up working – at least that what he tells himself because he'd feel awful otherwise – and had been quick to come to him. Trunks hadn't even stirred; a likely result of the pills he'd been swallowing one after the other since the incident. Bulma's medicine cabinet is periodically raided for either anxiety-reducing or sleeping tablets.
But Goten won't take anything. Watching Trunks yo-yo between zombie and emotional wreck is enough to put him off any medicine, not that his mother would let him take anyway. Unless it's herbal or from some old wife's tale, she would never let it pass his lips; dying husband or not.
With a lack of any medicinal help, Goten had finally willed himself to find Gohan's letter last night.
Getting out and to the family house had been somewhat tricky because everyone is on high alert. Staying together is imperative, according to Piccolo, who did nothing of the sort and is currently at the Lookout. It's unsurprising because, really, where'd that jerk been when Gohan had a fist poking out through his back? They hadn't stayed together then, had they? Where'd Piccolo been then? Asshole.
So, alone, Goten had flown to the Son House late last night. Both his mum and dad had been fast asleep, as had Bulma after her impressive two all-nighters. That had left Vegeta to watch both him, Trunks and Bulla, and to nobody's surprise he'd not been very good at it. Bulla had soon become a distraction, providing the perfect opportunity for Goten's getaway; Trunks and Vegeta had argued about who'd needed to change her and so Goten used that moment to slip out. Retrospectively, he does feel bad. Trunks is so often left with babysitting Bulla, and times of war prove little different. Understandably, he'd quickly grown frazzled, faster than usual because of his shitty mental health, and faster yet because Vegeta is just such a dick. Shitty dads just being shitty; nothing new.
Speaking of shitty people, Piccolo had been at the Lookout so all Goten had needed to do was keep his ki low as he flew to the mountain area. He'd managed without a hitch, arriving at the house with frozen fingertips and toes. His nose had burnt, barely hanging on in there even as he'd entered through the front door and into the lonesome dwelling. The house had felt most unwelcome. It'd still been tidy; surprising considering Gohan hadn't been staying there for some time to maintain it. His dad must have been trying his best to keep it from becoming a disaster zone. For him. But the atmosphere had been one of wintery eeriness – as though someone could jump out of the closet at any moment.
Goten hadn't dallied and had charged up to his bedroom, tearing his bed asunder where he found a neatly folded piece of paper wedged under his mattress, at the bottom; just as Gohan had said.
He'd cried upon reading it, and harder so upon the second time through.
That night, he'd shown it Trunks and the next day, he'd texted Videl to show it to her.
Trunks and Videl had shown two opposing reactions; Trunks, more solemn than he would ever admit, had misted up and walked away, unable to even talk about it until the next day. He'd then gone on about how great Gohan was, how lucky Goten was to have him; how shit this entire situation is. It hurts to hear but Goten appreciates it nonetheless. Trunks has been supportive – so much so – but Goten knows that he's hurting too.
Videl, however, is less sympathetic about the death.
It breathes life into him, because the letter really does sound odd to him. How nice it is not to be coddled with compassion. Goten can't bear it after being suffocated at Capsule Corporation. He can't stand how Bulma or Trunks or even his own mother, a woman wracked with her own grief, looks at him like they expect him to break at any second.
Now having learned about the letter, Trunks had agreed to distract his parents so Goten could meet Videl at the Son house. She'd readily accepted, even driving her jetcopter in this god awful weather to be here. And if those bags under her eyes are anything to go by, she's been struggling with all of this too; unsurprising with how much she loved (loves?) Gohan.
"What a mess," she says, more to herself than to him. "'Such a shit show."
"Yeah."
"I'm sorry, Goten."
"Mm."
"I… uh, I shouldn't be spouting off at a time like this. Look, it doesn't matter what I think and whether or not it comes across fishy. You need time to grieve and to sort your own head out. Your mother must be—"
"Videl, I've had thoughts," Goten admits, fast. The guilt of betrayal is a flavour most bitter. "It's…about Gohan, for a long while I've thought that... Me too, I think something isn't right. He'd… not been right before all this. And I'm not talking about suicide stuff. He'd just been weird, like, not how I knew him – or how I expected him. Like… I just mean… God, I'm a bad person."
Videl rubs his arm. "I'm not judging you."
"I'll… I'll read from the letter." Goten clears his throat and reads aloud: "'my body isn't coping and it's only so long until I must return from where I came from'. See? Just what the hell is that supposed to mean?"
She takes the letter back and rereads the cherry-picked line. "Came from? What does he mean 'came from'?"
"That's it. No idea. He said he was cooped up in some void after he died. Is that where he returned to?"
"It says he isn't alone. I thought he couldn't remember anything?"
Goten closes his eyes. A dull whine emits from the back of his throat.
"Goten?"
One eye opens.
"Goten, what do you know?"
"He made me swear not to tell."
"We're a bit past that. Tell me what he told you." She's holding him by the arm, tighter than likely intended. He hesitates and her warmth sears. "Goten Son, you tell me or I will get my phone out right now and call your mother. She'll want to know, I'm sure."
It wouldn't have taken this much prying. He's been dying to speak out since the day Gohan had told him. "N-No. Okay. Stop. It's no big deal, um, I think. I followed him one day all the way here and we got in a bit of an argument, he told me about this letter here and he kinda' just blurted something out."
"Before I'm eighty."
"He said that six years ago… he didn't commit suicide, that he knew that for a fact. He remembers."
Videl grows rigid. "So…" she manages, eyes forward, "So, he was murdered?"
"That's the thing. Gohan had said that he'd killed himself but, like, he wasn't in control at the time. Sounds super weird I know but he'd been dead certain. I believe him, Videl."
"Good lord."
Goten nods, slow. "He told me not to tell Dad specifically."
There's a deep breath.
"Please don't tell him."
She breathes out. "Goten, this is big. This is really big. He clearly remembers something. I hadn't wanted to say but whilst he'd been at my place he'd just seemed—" Goten waits for it, just to be disappointed, "So normal. He'd reminded me less of the Gohan I dated as a teenager and more of the friends I'd met in college – of Haruto a little – of adults. Gone was that dorky, sweet kid I'd known and here was this – this person who seemed to be every bit the Gohan I knew but not, like he'd grown out of his awkwardness and into someone more…"
"More…?"
"I don't know. Just more."
Goten stares at his toes – all ten of them submerged under three layers of cotton – and how they dance in the iciness of the house, beating in rhythm to Goten's lost train of thought. He doesn't know what to say. He hasn't known how to feel properly for days. Angry? Sad? Afraid? Of course, but it runs deeper than that. Goten feels like he's drowning in an ocean of emotions he doesn't understand.
He's cried a lot but he hasn't hit rock bottom, not yet. But that tide is coming to sweep him up at any moment; he's always seconds away from being washed away.
"Heh. It's like I can never have anything," he whispers, "Gohan was always going to go, wasn't he? He knew it. He knew something. He knew that he was going leave me again."
Videl's trying to hold back her infamous angry tears. She's frustrated and hurt all the same but that doesn't stop her from putting her arms around him. "You've got me."
"But not really. You've got Haruto."
"Don't make it about that. I know you're hurting but don't twist this into something ugly, Goten."
A pathetic sob leaves him.
He's being a dick again. It's just so easy these days. No wonder Gohan wanted to leave – Goten would want to leave him too, he's an asshole; a selfish person who thinks about a girl he likes only days after his brother's death.
His face ruptures as thick tears topple down one after another. "I'm sorry," he says, "I'm sorry."
"It's okay."
"No, it's not. I'm such an asshole. I'm sorry." He sniffles. "Gohan knew it too. He even said it in his stupid letter."
"No, he didn't. He said he wanted you to stop focussing on him and overcome your demons on your own. In that regard, he's right."
Goten wipes his snotty nose, looking anywhere but at her. "Yeah, well, it doesn't matter to him now anyway 'cause he's gone and I'm still here, alone, again. He's dead and… and, I mean, we're not going to be far behind him what with all this god and Zealite stuff going down. Heh, he'll get a lotta' company when the Earth bites it and everyone gets whisked away to Otherworld."
"Don't say that."
Goten's body vibrates at the memory, at watching that god's sticky hand emerge in a web of skin and blood. "They're so strong," he utters, voice still thick, "They're… something else. I've never felt anything like them. They're death. They're what dying feels like."
He gets a cheap thrill at the way she further pales, at how her purpling bags contrast against pretty snow white skin.
"My dad didn't stand a chance."
"Goku is the strongest person I know. He's never let us down."
"He lets me down every day."
Videl doesn't know what to say to that. She tries, faltering and instead taking his hand and running her thumb along the palm. They sit there for a time, intermittently crying and swapping possible theories to where Gohan has been all this time – and to where he is now. It empowers Goten. It gives him a sense of control over the situation as though any of this conversation really could make a difference. Ideas are debated; tissues are passed between one another. And at one point Goten brings up cups of hot tea for them both to sip at.
Their pity party evolves into a sleuthing session when Videl suggests peering into Gohan's room. The proposal feels naughty and he originally jumps at the opportunity, only to pause at the door like he has many a time in the past. An invisible block lays in his path. He can't move. Videl however doesn't see such a block because in she waltzes; opening all of Gohan's desk drawers and pulling books from shelves – she doesn't know what she's looking for but she's hungry for something. Gohan's pens scatter to the floor when she tips his penholder upside down, innocent pencils snap cleanly.
After pillaging his room for twenty minutes they find five college prospectuses, a pair of running shoes, an unfinished book bookmarked about half way in, a spare phone charger and an empty mug that presumably had hot water in it at one point.
Videl wipes her brow. "God, he was such a neat freak. There isn't even a dirty sweater here or anything."
"How about this?"
She comes over to the desk and Goten shows her a notebook about a quarter full with various notes; all very neat. There are some shopping lists that Goten assumes him and Dad used at one point, along with a self-appointed checklist. Apparently, he'd been planning on writing a cleaning rota, presumably to keep Dad on task so the house doesn't devolve into a sty again. To help this, he'd also listed some cleaners down that he'd intended to call. Goten recognizes some of the names actually; the ones that have been crossed out are because they have already tried to work for Dad before.
"Chores," Videl says, flipping to the next page. "More chores." She stops upon seeing a sequence of shapes written together. "Oh, ho-ho, here are some cheat codes for that stupid game Haruto and he like to play."
"Cheat codes?"
"Used for old games. Triangle, square, square, circle; that kinda' deal. They'd been playing a fighting game that's like twenty years old."
"Oh. So are these cheat codes too?"
She takes the book, turning it horizontal and then vertical and then back again. These shapes look different to the first set; not blocky at all, completely fluid – they swirl together with recurrent dots pressed in at varying densities.
Videl flicks to the next page to see another series of them written under a text about shopping for weed killer. The writing and the squiggles swap between one another as the page goes on. One sentence can be understood, the next cannot.
"What language is this?"
She hums. "Nothing I've ever seen. I mean, Gohan was always pretty good at second languages at school but he definitely wasn't fluent or confident in writing any, not like this."
"So this is weird, right?"
"Yeah, I think so. Could it be code?"
"But for what?"
They look at one another, lost. Goten feels a bit disturbed. Even Videl thinks that it's a language of some sort – that it's peculiar – that this entire situation is weird. She takes the little notebook, sliding it into her bag and promising to check up on it.
"I figured out that boy when we went to school together. I'll figure him out again."
Goten smiles weakly. At least she's positive.
They only go to leave when Goten gets a call from Bulma ordering him to return to Capsule Corporation.
"Want me to talk to her?" Videl offers.
He shakes his head, hanging up.
Goku Son has woken up.
It's so very, very bright. It's that white unnatural lighting he hates, the type that usually indicates that he's about to find himself in one of two places. Option one: a poor bedraggled farmer has found him off of the beaten track and has taken him to the nearest hospital, or two: a more likely scenario, he's at Capsule Corporation's private clinic.
With borrowed energy, he jilts his head to look for it. And… Ah. There it is; the Capsule Corporation logo on the far side of the wall. Blearily, Goku manages to make it out; the blue against black, and then that against the white of paint. It pulsates. Oh wow, he can't focus properly. What the heck did he do to end up here? Everything hurts; it all hurts. His head throbs and that light - gosh, that light – is making it all worse. Can't someone turn it off? Bulma – where's Bulma?
What happened?
The mechanical thrum of the machines beside him might as well be roaring directly into his ears. The beeping isn't beeping – it's yelping, yelping like a dog with a crushed tail.
Goku groans, twisting and churning and praying for it to stop.
"Goku," he hears, wispy and far away, "Y-You're awake. Oh, you're awake."
Chi-Chi?
Her outline is fuzzy but he would remember that delicate warmth – the hand in his own – any day. Why is she here? She'd told him that she wasn't going to stand by and watch him train himself to death anymore. Has she forgiven him? Will she stay?
Her face comes into focus and she looks so scared.
What happened?
He goes to say her name only for his throat to turn against him. He splutters and hacks and the dryness burns so much that he nearly snatches the water she offers him. It sloshes down the crevices between his neck and the pillow; cold but not welcoming as he glugs down what he can.
"Not too much. You know you'll just sick it up. Th-That's enough."
He hasn't even the strength to protest. There's another weak splutter; a hoarse cough. "Chi," he manages, "Wha' happened?"
"Don't you remember?"
"I-I… my head."
"There'd been this fight and… and—"
The knock at the door makes it all the worse. Goku groans.
"Oh. You're up, Goku," comes a man's voice, one Goku recognizes as his usual doctor. He lingers at the foot of the bed, flicking through his fancy chart and giving Goku the eyes as he always does when Goku finds himself upon the geezer's turf. "Quite a nasty beating you took, ey, old boy? I thought you were a goner for sure this time."
"Ugh, why are you shouting?"
The pat against his foot sends shockwaves up his leg. "Yes, I imagine everything might be a bit much for you. Sit tight. I'll go inform Bulma that you're up. We'll get that wayward son of yours here, too."
"Doctor, Goku is—"
"I'll be back momentarily. For now, Mrs Son, please make sure he doesn't jump out of the window. Heaven knows how the interns would cope with a shock like that again."
This fatigue – this ache – is unreal. Goku pulls himself up, looking around for the magical bag of hope and dreams. "… Senzu beans?"
But Chi-Chi doesn't make effort to reach for anything. She's as still as ever, face pale, shoulders rigid like the dead.
"Chi-Chi?"
The eruption of tears is so sudden that Goku just about falls out of bed; her throat-scratching crying is as loud as ever, splintering his already pounding head.
Gosh, what happened?
Something bad he assumes– real bad – bad enough that she's sitting by his bedside and watching over him. She hasn't done this in years, not since Gohan—
Gohan.
The recently consumed water remerges. He does indeed sick it up, coughing out what little his body had stored, spewing over the side of his bed and down his hospital wear. It burns. His throat burns – his eyes burn.
Gohan. Gohan… Gohan!
He'd been too slow – that monster had butchered him – he'd killed his son, his Gohan, and… and Goku had done nothing against him. That evil bastard had ripped away his son from him; snatched away the light from those eyes. Gohan had been stolen away after years of being gone, dead and in some void, and now… now he's gone again. He… he—
Goku is crying too. Angry, dense tears run in succession. He growls into his hands, too slow at wiping away the frustration.
"I'm so sorry," he sobs, "I'm so, so sorry."
Chi-Chi is on the bed with him and rocking him. Her hands press with firm comfort against his shoulders and he follows her sway, her rhythm pulling him back and forth as she cries with him.
"I wasn't strong enough," he tells her, "I wasn't fast enough."
"It wasn't your fault."
She's saying this now but Goku recalls when she'd admitted to thinking differently. The blame has always been on his shoulders, not just by him. She blames him and rightfully so. Everyone does. Goku knows they all must and that's fine; it's the truth of the situation – it was when Gohan was first killed, and it is today too.
So rarely does he cry that it's quite the foreign sensation. Stopping is harder than starting.
"I love you," she tells him, wetly kissing his cheek, his neck, his shoulder. "Goku, I love you so much. This isn't your fault."
But it is. Why is she lying?
His tears course faster, chased not by sorrow but the budding anger and frustration. This is his fault. He didn't protect his son again. Gohan is dead again. Doesn't she understand that? Those – those evil gods would not allow Shin to have Whis bring him back. Why? Why can't Gohan be here?
Gohan's good. He's wholly good and wonderful and so much better than the rest of them. So why is he the one to be punished? Why does he need to be taken away? It's such a gross injustice, the evil trademark of irony; the worst thing Goku's ever seen in his life.
In the snow, Gohan looks towards the two of them, eyes taxed with the weight of fear. He's soundless when the hand plummets through his ribs.
Goku tastes metal.
Absently, he hears Goten scream.
The body drops. Weight hits snow.
After all that, Gohan had died afraid.
"Dad…"
Suddenly, he can't breathe. It hurts. His throat narrows and his heart constricts. Not a moment later and in a frenzy, he pushes Chi-Chi away. His breath eventually catches but he can't bear being touched a second longer.
"Goku?"
"I…I was too slow."
"No, you—"
"Not strong enough—"
"Gok—"
"And he was murdered."
"Stop it."
"I was slow and Gohan paid the price."
"Please—"
"I watched him die," Goku stresses, face stony. He can't even look at her. The alabaster blanket swirls beneath his grip as he sees within it the last moment of his son's life over and over; the horror, the fear, the dying light. "He was scared and I failed him."
The faint hitches suggest she's trying her best not to cry but Goku just wishes she would. Goku wants to punish himself with her tears, he wants it to hurt.
"I'm so sorry," he repeats. "Gohan is dead because I wasn't able to save him."
"Stop saying that. Nobody is blaming—"
"I'm blaming me!" He sees it again. The despair in Gohan's last moments burn so brightly until there's nothing, until the ember dies and all Goku can remember is the searing chasm of hatred in his belly. Goku had wanted to kill that bastard, Rixas – Goku still wants to kill him. "Gohan was murdered and all I did was watch," he snaps, "I stood by as that man stuck his hand in our son and twisted until his organs fell out. I watched as our Gohan hit the floor, dead, still with that… that lasting fear in his eyes. And even worse, Chi-Chi, worse yet is that I couldn't even put a dent in the bastard who did it. So don't tell me that it's not my fault when I did nothing!"
Goku wants to get out of this bed right now. He wants with his whole heart to find Rixas and rip him into pieces. He has never wanted to make someone hurt before, not like now.
"I'll kill him," he promises. It's all he has left. Goku will make Rixas regret touching a hair on Gohan's head. He'll break every bone in his body until he and Quell agree to bring back Gohan.
"You're… Goku, you're scaring me."
"I'm going to fix this. I'll bring Gohan ho—"
"Stop it, please." She's struggling through her tears, frazzled with fingers that shake when reaching out to him. They twitch closer but never make contact. "Please, I… Gohan is dead. He's dead."
"I know." It stings, but she's right. It's good to hear her say it. "I'm sorry—"
"No, you misunderstand me. Gohan is dead. But… Goten is still here. I'm still here." Her eyes close and wetness gathers to fall. "Please, I love you. Don't you understand what I'm saying? I love you and I'm scared and… and I can't lose you and him. Please, Goku. Just… please."
Is she asking him to step down? What? In what world would Chi-Chi Son ever ask him to give up on Gohan, on her first born baby?
"What are you saying?" he gets out, horrified. "Don't you want Gohan back?"
"Of course I do," she bites back, "But I want you safe and I want Goten safe—"
"You're just gonna' throw Gohan under the bus?"
"No!" she wails, "How could you even say that? I just need you right now, please. Goku, please, don't just charge into this headfirst. You nearly died again and I… I can't do this anymore. I told you before that I couldn't. When Gohan committed suicide—"
"He did not commit suicide!"
"Yes, he did! When he committed suicide, I needed you then. Goten needed a father and all you could focus on was a situation that you couldn't control. Gohan was gone then and Gohan is gone right now!"
"We got him back before!"
"And now he's gone again – Goku, can't you see that this was always going…" Her words trail and die. She turns away but he won't let it drop.
"No, say it."
She wipes at her nose and then at her eyes. "He knew something wasn't right. Gohan was always going to leave and he knew it. He knew his fate – I believe that."
"This is about his nose bleeds, isn't it? Like, I said, Whis told me that it's normal that his body would—"
Chi-Chi shakes her head. "Gohan died when he was seventeen. Having him home has been a blessing that I could never be thankful enough for but… but it was against nature. So fate took our baby back. It t-took my baby b-boy from me." She breathes, determined, steadying herself. "Fate took my baby twice and… and I feel like I need to accept that. I… It sounds so wrong, Goku, but what else can I believe in? How can I go on? How can I move on? How can… we move on?" She moves closer. "Do you remember when you stayed at the castle months ago, when we talked all night?"
Of course he does. They'd sat in front of the fire until the early hours. The boys – their boys – had been asleep upstairs and all had been right with the world. The cosy joy of having his loved ones around him had Goku glow with comfort he hadn't felt in years. It had been a windy night, the TV had been off, the lights dim; the atmosphere encompassing. For the first time in years Goku had felt like headways had been made with the only woman he has loved. He'd been starved of her for so long that he'd forgotten how hungry he'd become; the taste of her affection made him drunk quickly. As they'd sat opposite the crackling hearth, hand in hand, kissing, holding one another and reminiscing, Goku had wanted the moment to pause forever. He hadn't needed anything else then. Truly, he would have given up his ki to forever pocket that feeling then and there; him, his wife and his boys.
They'd spoken of rekindling their relationship but the process had to be slow. It had to be natural and it had to be fair on both boys; they'd both been through a lot. Gohan had returned and his home life had been thrown into a spiral yet he'd taken it on the chin; he'd been so strong.
It… had to be done right.
Goku had needed to prove himself too. He'd made sure the house remained presentable, he'd put more effort in with Goten, he'd spent as much time with Gohan as he could; he'd wanted this.
"I need you home," she'd told him that windy night as the flames glowed her skin rosy, "You can't leave us anymore. I can't handle being left again."
Goku had never considered that that sentiment had been extended to Gohan too. He's dead once again and Chi-Chi's already encapsulating herself to numb the pain; there's only so much one person can take, he supposes. She has reached her limit.
"I-I need you to be at home," she reminds him, "Goten needs a father. I need my husband. I know you've wanted us to be a family again for a long time and this is your chance. I'm giving it to you now."
"At the expense of Gohan?"
"That's not – no!" She frazzles, looking around manically, lost. "These… these monsters are gods. What can you do against them? What can any of us do? That evil man hurt Goten need I remind you, and nearly took you away from us, too."
Goku knows. He remembers. The copper tanginess can still be tasted on the tip of his lips, his bones creak with agony, he sees it; Gohan in the thick of the blizzard, mouthing something so very quietly to the brutish bastard who would then strike a hand through his chest.
"I'll kill him," Goku yet again promises. "I'll get all the power in the universe to do it. I'll do whatever I need to. I'll—"
"This isn't you, Goku Son."
"It is now."
Her hand rescinds, she folds into herself to make herself appear more akin to a beaten child than the woman he loves.
You didn't see what I saw. You don't know what this is like.
"Please," she next whispers, "I can't be alone anymore."
He pulls away and forces himself to his feet, swaying until he's able to hold himself against the wall. Goku swallows his disappointment; the bitter betrayal of Gohan.
"I thought you were stronger than this, Chi."
Her chair scrapes back and Goku's eyes close in anticipation for the door slamming behind her. It does, rattling walls. What he said may be cruel but leaving Gohan to, what, fate isn't?
No, not even fate will dictate what Goku will do, even if he has to destroy himself in the process.
And she believes Gohan committed suicide? He thought that she'd finally seen sense! She also talks of moving on… But on with what? Goku would never – could never – abandon Gohan.
He wipes the last of his tears away. The memory of him and his wife before the hearth falls to the abyss, the visage of family with it. Gohan is gone once more… but only for so long; Goku remembers what it is to be satiated and what it is to be starved – and having remembered eating, he cannot bear the hunger.
That's right. Goku will find Gohan, and he will come face to face with Rixas once more.
Justice will be had.
North Quadrant, Planet Waze
Gohan leans over the railing, head in hand as he surveys the engagement through the haze of night. Hiding behind his mask feels decidedly two-faced after bringing down the Council, but Quell had been insistent and Gohan knows better than to rock the boat when he's already getting what he wants. Tonight, under not one, not two, but three crescent moons, Quell and Beerus stand in neutral territory on a planet far beyond that of Geo. The ocean laps at the shore, daring just to reach the tips of their boots, pushing them away as though it, too, can sense the danger radiating from such beings.
Gohan stands beside the ever so hateable Cross further back in the dunes, and on the other side of the beach, the willowy figure of Whis can be seen outlined by the light from a beach shack.
Cross' nose raises high. "I do hope for Lord Quell's safety. You have put him in a precarious situation, after all."
"I am sure he'll be disappointed to learn that you think so little of him in comparison to Beerus."
"I did not say anything as such!"
"Oh, you're a cat person, Cross!"
He goes back to ignoring Gohan, which is just fine by him.
Back where the sea meets the sand, Beerus' tail twitches from side to side. It seems they've skipped the pleasantries then. Beerus raises his voice, gesturing maniacally around, sparks of energy light up the night yellow momentarily.
The likelihood of Beerus joining them is incredibly low. There's a higher chance of a fight breaking out if anything, especially with tempers like theirs; Quell looks like he's suffering a hernia trying to contain himself. He is calmly responding, at least. It must be killing him. Gohan swallows his amusement, craning his neck for a better view when Beerus slaps his tail into hill of sand, scattering it.
"It's been a while, Lord Mori."
Gohan's smile drops.
He responds in kind; telepathically. "You're not here to compress me into another of your flesh prisons, are you?"
"It was not so bad, was it?"
"Not if you like nausea, immense pain and soul-crushing discomfort. No, it's quite the treat then."
"Oh, really. Sarcasm is so very cheap. I think you can do better than that." When Gohan snorts Cross looks to him. "Tell me, are you enjoying the show tonight? Lord Beerus looks positively wound up – he's been rather unhappy with the situation as you can imagine."
"Really? Are you here to gab with me? Do you want to gossip?"
"No, though I'm sure you are a fine conversationalist. I just wish to verify some facts whilst our acquaintances nip at one another's heels." There's a sigh; a strange sensation to hear echo throughout one's head. "How I wish they would get along better. Lord Beerus never too much liked your predecessors either."
Gohan runs his fingers along the railing, eyes rolling so far back that they might fall out. This guy can talk… "What do you want to know, Whis?"
"What is your Revelation?"
"It's to rid the universe of angels. I'm quite excited about it."
"Oh? I'm sensing misdirection."
"Now, that would be telling."
"Do not worry. Your goal would be very safe with me. I cannot involve myself, as you well know. Revelation is as natural to the universe as my own existence. It's curiosity which drives me."
"I see..." Gohan hums, staring at Beerus and his twitchy ears. "But curiosity kills the cat, Whis, you know that. How can I tell you my secrets when you answer so loyally to him? Bringing me back had been, for a lack of a better word, dumb."
"No, not my best move, I admit."
"YOU INCREDULOUS PUNK!" Beerus suddenly hollers, claws lethal under Quell's nose, "Do you take me for a fool?"
"…What did you just call me?"
"You're but a child compared to the rest of us, yet you believe yourself important, even going so far as to slaughter the Council! How egotistical can you be? This… This farce will have nothing to do with me, you PUNK!"
Gohan flares his energy, not as a warning but as a plea for Quell not to lose his shit. As much as Gohan would love to go over there and deck Beerus himself the situation is a bit more nuanced than that. In the future, perhaps, the cat will have his comeuppance but for now they need to be careful.
Still, Quell's pressure didn't get that message. It is lashing out in protest, striking Cross down to his knees and billowing a gale, wailing to have a taste of Beerus' power.
Miraculously, it's by the grace of the Almighty that Quell somehow swallows his rage. There's a pause, a deep breath, and soft undertones Gohan can no longer hear.
"Tut, tut, tut... I do hope you know it is a fool's errand. Lord Beerus is very loyal to the Kai cause."
"Asking is just due-diligence."
"Of course."
Cross has scampered up from the sand now and is wiping himself off. He's grumbling to himself, which is about the closest thing Gohan's ever seen him do to complain about Quell or his pressure. Just as Gohan is about to laugh at the assistant's misfortune, he spots his brother making his way back over to him, face of thunder.
Gohan leans his head into his hand further. "That well, huh?"
"Let's go," Quell orders, striding past him and through the shrubs. Cross stumbles after him.
On the other side of the beach, Beerus is power walking along the sand and up to Whis; a sandcastle becomes a victim to that thrashing tail of his.
The willowy silhouette gives a final wave. "Well, this is where I bid you adieu for now. There is no doubt that you will be coming for the super dragon ball so I imagine we shall cross paths then."
"Please remember that you are supposed to be impartial."
"Consider it a lesson learned."
"Goodbye, Whis."
"Be well, Lord Mori. I hope we all come out of this Revelation as unscathed as can be."
Quell dismisses both him and Cross the moment they return to the estate, not so much as looking Gohan in the face before stomping off to his quarters like a rage-induced teenager. Whatever, it's done now. They need not worry about reaching out to Beerus until it comes time to collect the dragon ball, and then, the only thing Gohan will be reaching for is the asshole's neck.
He sighs, brushing his hair back. That day cannot come soon enough.
Oh. What the…?
That's when he spots something strange. Mere steps away from his own quarters stands Myra and—
"Rixas, just what do you think you're doing?"
The obnoxious idiot is stood right outside his door, leaning against it as if it's actually his room and not Gohan's. Like yesterday and the day before, his face is grey, his eyes dull; the lethargy doesn't suit him but Gohan finds himself glad that Rixas is going around looking like shit and feeling sorry for himself. He has every right to feel bad.
"I'm sorry, Lord Mori!" squeaks Myra, "L-Lord Rixas had just stopped by to ask for your attend—"
"Don't lie," he instructs. She's bad at it and it pisses him off all the more. Shoving past his brother, Gohan makes headway for the door. A hand captures him. "Let go."
"You can't keep ignoring me forever, Mori."
"I'll talk to you when I don't have the urge to break your nose every time I look at you. Now, release me."
"You're still annoyed about Earth."
Gohan snatches himself free. "No kidding."
"I've said I'm sorry, what more do you want?"
"You said it drunk off your ass in the middle of the night – you think I'm going to accept that?" It'd happened last night at stupid o'clock in the morning; Gohan had hardly been impressed. "I'm not here for your pity party; I've got work to do—"
"And what work is that?" Rixas takes him again. "What the hell are you and Quell sneaking off to do?"
He smiles flatly. "Why don't you wait until I'm gone once more? Then, you can corner my assistant again."
Myra shrinks before disappearing down the corridor. Tail between legs, she's off, likely not to be seen again until Gohan sends for her. Why Rixas even bothers with her he has no idea – she doesn't know anything.
"You cannot keep this grudge up, Mori. When are you going to move past this?"
Gohan is going to lose it, he swears. "God, you just don't get it, do you?"
"I didn't really kill you!"
"You traumatized my family. They think some monstrous brute slayed me – how the hell are they going to get past that?"
"If you care so much then why don't you pop on over? Go on, say hello. You clearly don't give a shit what I or Quell think about it all. Go on, go. Talk to them."
Gohan has to laugh. "Make your mind up. First you tell me to stay, and then you tell me to go. Is this to ease a guilty conscience? I didn't know thugs were capable of such complexities."
Oh, that does the trick. Rixas' grip on his robe tightens, his teeth bares. "You are such a brat. If you're so scared then why don't you just fucking say so? Do you think they'll hate what a piece of shit you've become, is that it?"
It's like ice water being poured on him. He does not want to hear this from him. "Jealousy isn't befitting, brother."
Gohan's thrust against the wall. "Tell me the Revelation," Rixas demands.
He'd spit in his face if this was anyone else. Instead, he curls a cruel smile, saying nothing. Hot breath barrages his face but he doesn't fold.
Rixas soon drops him. "Why are you being like this? They're fine! I didn't do anything to them! Why are you punishing me, Mori? I'm trying to fix this."
Because Goten is innocent, he thinks in furious whiplash, but is unable to say as much, not when Rixas is looking with a face like that; one tired and wrought with sorrow. It's killing him – Gohan knows it's killing him, but he just can't forgive him right now. Everything still feels so raw. Gohan remembers Goten, he remembers his dad; their horror.
"Right now, I just need you to leave me alone," Gohan tells him. He swallows. "Just… give me space. Every time I look at you, I…"
Rixas slowly releases him. It's the best he's going to get and he knows it. There isn't another word shared between them and Rixas stalks off into the dark of the estate. The next day, Gohan spots him outside, jogging in the grounds alone. This is something they'd do together, something he's missed, yet Gohan waits until Rixas finishes his track before reaching for his own shoes.
After meeting with Byleath about the course of action for the Zealites, he determines the situation on Earth safe. The relic there, the Orb of Permanence, is annoyingly at Capsule Corporation and under strict lock and key. Getting it wouldn't be impossible although it would certainly stir up trouble. Gohan tells them to leave it for the time being, only for Byleath to push the matter.
"The Orb of Permanence is admittedly a worrisome relic to leave in the hands of mortals," the Zealite explains.
Gohan sighs. It's hard to bring himself to order the retrieval of it whilst the earthlings are still likely mourning his death. Still this isn't the time for his feelings to get in the way, so with a heavy heart, he eventually agrees to the expedition, but tells Byleath that no earthling or resident of Earth is to be harmed. It's a strict instruction that must be followed to the best of their abilities; he knows the task is not an easy undertaking.
"Avoid Goku Son where you can." It's the best advice Gohan can give Byleath. His father is not going to be easy pickings, no less a threatening opponent now that he's attained the power of the gods.
Byleath understands the assignment. He nods.
Later, Gohan pours himself a glass of wine, sipping at it as he looks over the greenery of the estate's grounds. It looks a little like 439 Mountain Area if he squints just a little.
His moment is interrupted when Myra sheepishly tells him that no other gods have agreed to join their campaign. The good news, however, is that none are opposing them so Gohan will take the victories where he can.
As it stands, Beerus is the biggest threat alongside the Kai.
"The Kai are divided," Zamasu says one afternoon, "They are currently squabbling about whether or not to oppose you at all. I imagine their numbers will not be as great as initially expected."
Gohan puts more thought into Eyrelle's advice.
"The Kai are a proud people. Do not think that this will make the situation easier for us. Stay vigilant, my lord."
Vigilance…
He picks the petals from the daisy, scattering them around and watching as they float into the air above. They dance along the fields. Alone, since Quell is still crabby about Beerus, and Rixas is to be ignored, he finds himself thinking of stupid computer games in the city.
He's twenty-three and planning something grander than any war on Earth. Yet it'd been just last week that he'd had his ass handed to him on a kid's games system.
Life is funny like that. One minute you're someone's friend, their son, their brother and then next…
He picks a fresh daisy, brows pressed.
Then next, I'm will of the Almighty.
A fresh breeze rolls by, pushing from behind and hundreds of flowers fly. Gohan grins. It's beautiful.
Planet Earth, Capsule Corporation
In the before before time, back way before Gohan had died the first time, Goten and he would go camping together. They'd pitch tents in one of the spreading grasslands near the rush of the lake, eat from the land, and cook whatever they'd forage. He'd learned so many now-forgotten survival skills, ones he could only now dream about. It'd been after a long day of fishing that Goten remembers sitting in his brother's lap, waiting as Gohan would dry his hair with a towel. Sprinkles of lake water splayed forth as dusk had crept forward, tickling his lips, hissing at the fire. It'd felt especially cool after changing. Around, orange, dying heat of the sun had kept them both warm enough but Gohan had always made sure Goten never went to bed with wet hair.
"We're not risking you getting a cold," he'd once said somewhere beyond the towel.
Goten had known even back then that Gohan was a bit of a worrywart. Trunks had always gone to bed with wet hair and had never suffered a single sniffle. Still, Goten had always listened to the advice because he'd known Gohan wise and he'd wanted to make him happy.
"Eh, Gohan. Yours is still wet."
"You first, then me. Your hair is longer than mine. Huh, oh man, look at it; does it ever need a cut. When was the last time you even let Mum near you with the scissors?"
"I 'unno." Goten had shrugged, mouth sticky with honey-glazed bread from the fire.
"Heh, you're such a menace. You're so like Dad."
It had just come to him. "Hey, Gohan, did Dad do this with you, too? Your hair?"
This had been before Dad's return and the topic could occasionally be sore for Gohan, only around the holidays typically. Goten remembers such an occasion to be late May and nearing Gohan's birthday. He'd smiled regardless because that's just what he'd always done.
"Sometimes," he'd said, leaving it at that.
Goten knows now that that'd likely not been true. Dad isn't like Gohan at all; Dad doesn't know how to be a parent. He loves, Goten supposes, but he isn't selfless like Gohan – he isn't willing to give up part of himself for someone else. At the end of the day, even with Dad's clear favouritism of Gohan, he hadn't returned after Cell to be a father then.
Dad just knows how to fight for something. He doesn't know what to do after the fight.
Sitting in his big brother's lap back then, Goten had felt a little sad not to have Dad there with them, after all, that's what every kid wants; a mum and a dad. But he'd been happy in having Gohan, too. So tall and strong and impressive, Gohan had been a pillar of comfort and ideal man of the house anyone would be lucky enough to have. It's strange to remember how so very tiny Goten had felt in his presence.
Then years passed and Gohan had been wished back and no longer could Goten sit in his lap comfortably. The size difference had no longer been staggering. Goten's memory of a hero – the disgraced hero who left them albeit – had been tarnished. Gohan had been made real again and had stolen Goten's fantasy of a better father from once upon a time ago.
Well… he hadn't really stolen it as much as relived it.
Gohan had lived up to that expectation – the impossible standard – Gohan had been everything Goten had wanted, and yet, that still hadn't been enough for him.
Goten had ruined it. He ruins everything.
'I'm a person too, with my own mistakes. I exist beyond what I can do for you and your personal growth.'
It's enough to make Goten laugh. Mistakes? Gohan had been joking, right? He hadn't even killed himself; the one mistake everyone thinks of him. He'd been… perfect and selfless and…
Yet, I suspect you of… something…
Where are you, Gohan? What are you hiding?
Then, Goten remembers watching him die; alone and shocked. Guilt nauseates Goten, but he continues onward. Dad is awake.
When Goten arrives at Capsule Corporation, he can sense that something in the wind has changed. Neither Dad nor Mum is in the private clinic room, Bulma isn't in sight either despite her ordering him back like a sergeant. When he does find someone it's Trunks, who is crouched by the door that leads into the heart of the living quarters. Upon spotting Goten, he beckons him closer and presses a finger to his lip.
Ah. They're spying, apparently.
Through the thin crack in the door, Goten sees that his dad is surprisingly up and about. He's stood in only his orange gi pants, swinging his hospital gown as though it's a weapon.
"I'm not resting any longer, Bulma. I've done three days of it."
She sits on the sofa, leg crossed over the other, Bulla in her arms. "And you look like shit. You need to get your ass back in that bed before you drop for good."
"Don't bother," Vegeta puts in, "He's not going to listen. Kakarot thinks himself above the needs of his own body."
"I can't rest when they're out there."
"What? The Gods of Revelation?"
"Yes."
"By what delusion do you think you can take them down? Tch, this arrogance doesn't suit you at all. One of them ground you into the dirt the other day, and he likely isn't even the stronger of the two. Did you forget that? Did you forget your pitiful performance? You haven't got a chance in hell, you airheaded fool."
"Vegeta is right," adds Piccolo from by the window. He's leaning there, somehow managing to look both entirely smug and detestable at once. "You couldn't even match Lord Rixas, never mind Lord Quell. Your strength is admirable but it is not in the same league as a god's."
"So we should all just hang around and wait for Shin to come back?"
"Yes."
"That's not my style, Piccolo." Dad pulls over his blue top, and then the orange vest. "You may have turned you back on Gohan but I haven't. I won't see his death go unanswered for."
"Nobody is ignoring Gohan's death," Bulma intervenes before Piccolo can lose his cool, "Everyone has been affected, not just you. Everyone is in mourning."
"We wouldn't have to mourn if we put effort into getting Gohan back."
Goten feels something in his chest drop. It's the same old from his dad, nothing has changed. He isn't listening. What does Dad expect everyone to go do – magic Gohan from out of thin air?
Clearly in agreement, next to Goten, Trunks scoffs, shaking his head.
"From where?" Piccolo's patience is already wearing thin. "We don't know where Gohan's soul resides? And even if we did we don't have the dragon balls."
"Whis," Dad points out, "And Beerus. They did it last time and they can do it again."
Vegeta scoffs. "I'm not sure if you remember correctly due to your obvious brain damage but those gods forbid it. Even if you ever so sweetly ask Whis he probably won't help you."
"I told you the other week that the divine situation is not stable. You know as much, Goku. Don't you remember our excursion to Geo? The gods and kais have a finite albeit delicate structure. Should Whis bring Gohan back at Beerus' command then there would be strife between the God of Destruction and the Gods of Revelation."
Dad isn't having any of it. "Well, they didn't look all that friendly to me anyway. Beerus complained a lot about Quell. There ain't no love lost there."
"Love lost? If two gods fight what do you think that means for that delicate structure? How will the kais react? What does that say for the universe?"
"You care far too much about that sort'a stuff."
"Someone has to!"
"I don't get it," Dad snaps back, "I really don't understand how one teeny-tiny mortal soul can really cause this much harm? Why should Gohan really make a difference in the grand scheme of things? He's just a kid!"
Bulla doesn't seem to like the excitement. It's now that she starts her usual fussing, teetering on the edge of a bout of crying with her faint whimpers. Bulma shuffles her, bouncing her on one knee. "Isn't it strange?" she queries, "I was thinking the same thing. Gohan is just one of trillions, after all. Why is there such a fuss surrounding his soul. First, it was not being to wish him back, then it was the difficulty in getting him here, and now it's all this mayhem with the gods."
"You missed out one," Dad points out, "First, he was murdered."
Vegeta turns to her. "What's your point?"
She takes a moment to think, still bobbing Bulla up and down. Her lip pulls. "No point. Just worth mentioning."
For Goten, however, it's just another deduction on the pile of strange instances. And if Videl's opinion is worth anything, which he's sure it is, Gohan really might have known more than he was letting on. Had he known more about the gods? In his letter he says that Goten and everyone else on Earth shouldn't become involved. He'd seemed pretty insistent on it. Why? Why would he be so worried about the gods when he'd been one of the first to volunteer to protect Earth?
Goten feels the outline of the letter in his pocket. Suddenly, he feels extraordinarily weighed down by it.
"Maybe something happened to Shin," Goten hears Dad next suggest. It's not something they haven't considered. "Have we really heard nothing from anyone? Brutil? Eyrelle? Don't they want that relic-thing they left?"
"We haven't heard a word," Piccolo informs, dour, "We'd thought possibly King Kai might contact you once you're up, but clearly he has not." His head twists in face of the door and Goten dies a little inside. "However, the two visitors we do have are currently posed next to the door like a couple of golden retrievers."
Trunks tenses and Goten loses feeling in his toes. They're done for.
"Do I need to drag your sorry behinds in here or will you come and show your faces like respectable young men?"
Trunks pushes himself up. "Fuck Piccolo and his bat ears."
Together, they gingerly enter the room. Goten tries not to look too sorry for himself.
"Goten…" Dad breathes, falling over his own feet to reach him. Warm hands gather either side of Goten's shoulders. "Are you okay? How are you holding up?"
Holding up? I watched my brother get butchered just a few days ago.
Instead, Goten's mouth glues together with oozing saliva. Like tar, it runs down his throat and congeals, threatens; the type that accompanies tears. Good God. Hasn't he run out of those yet? How much more can he really cry? He's so sick of snivelling.
Yet… seeing Dad up close like this brings it back. His jaw tenses.
"That bad, huh?" There's a bittersweet twitch of the lips. "Yeah… me too. Don't worry, buddy, I'll fix this. I'll get him home."
"Jeez, Goku, don't say that to him."
He turns to Bulma, steadfast. "What? I'll make it happen."
She clicks her tongue, settling the baby. "Boys, how many times have I told you about eavesdropping? Honestly, both of you, go upstairs. I don't want to see either of you down here until dinner time. Oh, and Trunks, take your sister too. She's taking far too much pleasure in drooling on me."
"No."
"What did you say?"
"No." Trunks makes no move closer towards Bulla. She's reaching out to him as if she knows he's supposed to take her, perhaps she does as he does it often enough. Her little lip wobbles when he ignores the fussing. "We're involved in this, too. Gohan was Goten's brother and he was my friend. Goku's right. We need to do something."
Wait, what?
Goten nearly drops to the floor from the shock of it. He'd thought Trunks was in agreement with him – Trunks has always said Dad is crazy, that he's obsessed. And right now, Dad is especially off his rocker to think they can charge headfirst into this battle. Does he not remember the monster that nearly ripped Goten and Dad apart? Why the hell is Trunks enabling this?
Goten's tears are forgotten. "What the hell are you saying?"
"I can't handle all this waiting anymore! Can you?" But Trunks hates training and all the drama about as much as Goten does. Where's this coming from? "Gohan is dead and we're just doing nothing!"
"And what can you do, boy?" Vegeta challenges, "You're no stronger than when you were eight."
"I-I don't know, but is sitting here twiddling our thumbs really doing anything? I've been going nuts just thinking about how helpless we are. What are you doing? Locking yourself up in your little room thinking yourself better than us? You're just full of hate and offer no solutions to anything. I thought you were some hotshot alien warrior, huh, Dad?"
Before Vegeta can gut him, Bulma attempts patience unbefitting her. "Trunks, sweetie, I know you're sad about Gohan. We're all sad, but you won't make any difference by throwing your life away. Do you think that's something he'd want?"
"That's right. Gohan wouldn't want this," agrees Piccolo.
Trunks rounds on Piccolo in a flash. "What? Who the hell are you to say what Gohan would or wouldn't want? You were supposed to be his friend but you look like you couldn't care less about his death."
"Trunks!"
"No, it's true! He's an asshole. Couldn't he see how sad he was making Gohan?" His voice is increasingly growing wetter and wetter. "I-I… he was my friend and…" Goten tries to reach for him but is rebuffed. "He was a good person. He listened and talked to me and… and was cool and…"
He was better than Vegeta.
Goten can relate. He recalls the memory of him and Gohan camping together.
So quickly, Trunks scrunches up his face and wipes away the gathering evidence. It hurts to watch. Even Bulla extends chubby fingers out to him, just as she has been the entire time; still whimpering and gibbering and trying her best to escape her mother's grip. When her crying becomes too much Trunks does eventually take her, pressing his head to hers.
"I don't know what I can do. I just want to do something."
Dad looks revitalized by the display. "Trunks, don't worry. I'll bring Gohan home. You don't need to put yourself in harm's way. Your mum and Piccolo are right; Gohan wouldn't want that."
"Actually, Gohan doesn't want anyone to do that," Goten says with certainty. It's time for the trump card. "He doesn't want anyone to fight on behalf of him… He wrote me a letter."
"What?" Dad returns to him, nearly squeezing the life out of arms. "A letter? Gohan did?"
There is appropriate reaction; the disturbed shock Goten had expected, even Vegeta can't hide his curiosity. Piccolo however looks as stony faced as ever. "And… What does this letter say?"
So, Goten reads it out, having to stop and start again when the emotion strangles his words. He skips the paragraph about himself because that's not for anyone else but him. Each time reading the letter becomes easier and each time he understands Videl's criticisms with it. When he emphasizes the point about not getting involved it rings more ominously than ever.
At last, Goten is done and his audience can only stare in stunned silence, except for Trunks and babbling Bulla. Dad recovers first and takes the scrap of paper from him, eyes darting from right to left over and over as he takes it in again.
Piccolo peers over Goku's shoulder at the neat scrawl. "Gohan definitely wrote that?"
"He told me about it himself."
"So, he knew he was going to die then."
Dad's grip tightens on the letter. "Gohan… Why didn't you…"
"This doesn't change anything, right, Goku?" Trunks bounces his sister, still holding her tight, drinking in her comfort, "Right?"
Goten watches as – heartbreakingly – Dad shakes his head, evidently torn. Gohan's last wishes will go unfulfilled. Honestly, Goten had expected nothing less.
"DO NOT BECOME INVOLVED. The Earth needs to stay out of it." Dad rereads aloud, managing to laugh, just a little. "Very him."
"Then why don't you listen to him, Dad? He was being serious."
"Don't you want your brother home?"
"Of course I do!"
"Then why are you—"
Bulma is in top form breaking potential falling outs, and without the baby, she's more mobile about it. She manhandles Goten in direction of the door. "Okay, let's just take a minute to sort our feelings out. Goten, please, I know this is hard, I'm sorry, but just give your dad time to digest this. And yes, you boys are involved in your own way, I understand that now. Thank you for bringing in the letter. But just let the adults think this through first and then we'll update you, okay?" She turns to Trunks, "Okay?"
He remains unimpressed but turns tail nonetheless, taking Bulla with him. The stairs above take quite the beating.
Goten extends his hand. "My letter, please."
Dad looks like he wants to do anything but part with it.
"Goku."
He gives it to Goten, attempting a watery smile. Goten doesn't offer one back.
"I'll see you out," Piccolo says.
Goten is about to object before realizing he hasn't a choice in the matter; he's manhandled all the way out by the green asshole long after the door slams behind them. Who does this guy think he is? Goten's not about to take his crap like Gohan had – just as he goes to say as much, Piccolo snatches the letter.
"Hey!"
They're outside one of the guest suites and no-one is there to help him. Goten tries to take it back but Piccolo is far too fast.
"I'm lead to believe you have your own beliefs that may not correspond with your father's, am I correct?"
"W-What?" It takes a moment to process the question. "Are you… asking about Gohan? Do you think something's weird about it, too? I mean, it's not just me. Videl, too…"
Piccolo's gaze runs cold with contemplation. He assesses Goten before then returning the letter. "Do not lose this. I want to read it again at a later date."
"What are you thinking, Piccolo?"
"We'll talk later. For now, keep your head down and do as you're told."
It's easier said than done but he decides to give it a go for now. Goten doesn't want to even look at Trunks right now after that display. Instead, he goes to the room he's been staying in, shuts the door behind him and unfolds the letter to scour it for the umpteenth time. Videl texts him at one point to ask how it's all going but he can't will himself to reply. These last few days have been exhausting. All he wants to do is sleep.
And so, he does.
Goten sleeps all the way through dinner, supper and the rest of the night, not waking up until the next morning. Sluggishly, the day welcomes him with the dwindling snow a new day. His mother isn't here now. He senses her back at that horrid castle with Grandpa; surprising considering how his dad is still here at Capsule Corporation. Just what happened there?
So he's a bit lonely as a result, that and because Trunks doesn't speak to him at breakfast. Or rather, Goten doesn't speak to him. Bulma doesn't join them, Vegeta is absent as always, and Dad, whilst still around, hasn't bothered to show face. Over eggs, Goten tries to sense Piccolo's energy but he comes up with nothing. He's always been good at suppressing it when he wants to.
"You boys aren't looking too peachy," says Bulma's mom when she drops by with muffins. "I hope these'll sweeten your day!"
They taste awful.
Videl messages once more to suggest that she's had a particularly green and menacing visitor at the office this morning. One client of hers had apparently launched himself out of the window in fear of him so she's not best impressed.
[He asked about Gohan] one text reads.
Goten racks his fingers along the table. It's somehow an offense because Trunks slaps his hand.
"Knock it off," he grumbles, "You're setting me on edge."
"I think you're doing fine with that on your own."
"Don't be a dick."
He wants to shout and scream and prove Trunks' point about him being said dick, but he bites his tongue and then one of those nasty muffins.
"We should practice fusion," Trunks says just in time for Goten to spit out a mouthful of crumbs.
"You're kidding?"
"I'm not. Let's do it today."
"We haven't done it since we were kids. I don't think I can even remember the moves."
"Liar. You just don't want to try for some weird reason."
Goten takes another spiteful bite, talking around it. "It won't work. We'll be outta' step for sure. Why do you wanna' do it so bad? This isn't you at all. You hate training."
"Yeah, and look where it's gotten me," he snaps, squeezing his own muffin and watching it crumble over the top of his fingers. "I'm useless. I'm weak and lazy and all I can do is open my smart mouth and get myself in more trouble."
"You sound like your dad."
Trunks turns away. "Yeah, well, a broken clock is right twice a day, ain't it?"
"Trunks…"
"Don't you wanna' avenge Gohan? Bring him back? Why isn't there more of a fire under your ass? I know things weren't great all of the time but I know you loved him, and… and I know you think there's some bit conspiracy but Gohan would never choose to leave you, me or any of his friends or family." He drops the murdered muffin on the table in a sad clump, smiling emptily at it. "I'm sorry, Goten, that you had to see him die like that. If I saw something like that happen to him, or you or Bulla, I'd… Yeah…"
Goten swallows, nodding. "I'm torn up," he admits, quiet. "I have no idea how to feel."
There's derisive snort. "Sad?"
"Empty but overwhelmed."
"I'm just really angry all the time."
Goten can tell as much. "Hey, look, if it means that much to you,"— for you to feel in control – "we can try fusion if you want."
After breakfast, they do, several times in fact. Goten had been right in that they're out of step. Trunks is stomping around like a rhino with two left feet whilst Goten keeps tripping over his own. How on earth had they managed this as young as they had been when they can't even do it now?
The rest of the day is spent with them practicing over and over, stopping periodically for soda breaks. At one point, they move to Trunks' bedroom when they both consider the idea of using music to help give them a rhythm to focus on. It's a good idea except they can't agree on what to play. Trunks likes to think he has a unique taste in music when he's just a hipster, Goten meanwhile wants the classics. They agree on indie eventually; it makes their moves slower but more concise. When there's a frazzle of energy at the end of a sequence, they know they're on the right track.
It's peculiar. Goten doesn't realize that he's enjoying himself until the moment where Trunks slips and prods Goten in the eye; for first time in days, they both laugh and laugh and laugh.
Immediate guilt follows and his smile fades. Trunks, too, suffers a similar reality check.
"C'mon, from the top," Trunks pushes on.
Somewhere between afternoon and evening, they both pause upon hearing some sort of commotion outside. Momentarily breaking to take a peek into the garden, they spot Dad, Vegeta and Piccolo talking to none other than that asshole kai, Brutil. Why the hell isn't the Supreme Kai with them?
Well, whatever they're chatting about seems to be serious. Trunks and Goten don't manage to hear all of it, but what they catch is enough to make knees turn to jelly.
"The Zealites had belonged to the Gods of Revelation all along," Brutil fumes, "Those turncoat bastards."
"How about Shin? Last time we saw him he was with them."
"We have not seen him since. We are unsure to his whereabouts. We… assume the worse."
Dad's hands rise to cover his mouth. Piccolo looks to the sky, unreadable.
Worse yet, it's here that they learn that the Council had been massacred by Quell's order. Those monsters have no limits...
That's when Trunks' hand grips his shoulder. It's shaking. "Let's go."
Upon returning to Trunks' bedroom, the mood changes. A dour need for results has them focus, and for the next few hours, they perform the technique over and over, only with sore muscles to show for their efforts. Eventually, it all starts to take its toll.
They continue until they both grow weathered with it. Wearily, Goten bites into a sad sandwich as Trunks returns with a tub of ice-cream and a pack of cookies.
"Put on something with heavy base. I think you're lolling a bit."
"I'm so tired, Trunks."
"Last time."
You said that before.
So Goten does as asked and drags himself over to his side of the bedroom – good thing Trunks is as spoilt as they come and his room is massive; they need all the space they can get.
"Fu – sion - HA!"
White; everything grows white and hazy and…
Ugh.
Goten pulls up, groggy. He doesn't quite recall what just happened. Had the fusion worked? According to the empty ice-cream tub and note saying 'buy chocolate next time' stuck to it, he assumes so – just not in the way they'd hoped.
"It's a start," Trunks says, pink cream around his lips.
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I put poor Kags through the wringer with this chapter. Hours it took the poor lass, bless. Thanks to her it's readable, so that's always good. Also, shout out to Nyx, who was a big hand this chapter when my brain failed to power correctly.
Anyway, sorry about the lil delay. It's later than I thought it would be, part and parcel because of real life Covid shenans, work deadlines sprung upon me, getting a cool ass tattoo, social obligations and honestly, just the general growing pains of the chapter. It had been originally quite a bit shorter and solely focused on the letter and the reaction (no Gohan, Beerus, yadda yadda) - anyway, that's all by the by. Plotting is a me problem. You don't care you about that. You just want to consume. I need to satiate ya appetite with the next chapter and the good news is that I've already started it.
As always, thanks for the lovely feedback so far. 'Had a few great chats. I do say, reviews (aka the sweet nectar of FF) are always appreciated. See you next time.
