ERIN & JAY
A/N
No Mouse. Al's still alive…I own nothing…that's a lie…I still need to have a garage sale and get rid of a lot of crap…I don't own any Chicago PD awesomeness. Sigh…
JAY POV
It's an intense stare down that's gone on for about three minutes. I'm not going to butt in. Erin can handle her mom. I'm here to support her if she needs me but I know when it comes to her mom, Erin doesn't want help. As much as I want to help her, heck need to help her, I remain a bystander. I hate seeing Erin in this much emotional pain. And Bunny does that, she has a profound knack for hurting her daughter.
Bunny is probably the only woman in my entire life that I've wanted to punch. I've even had fantasies of it. A punch right between her eyes that puts her on her ass but doesn't knock her out. Part of the satisfaction of the punch is her realizing she had just been punched and why she was just punched. Knock the narcissism right out of her.
Finally, Erin takes a deep breath and speaks, and I have to tell you, what she says blows my little fantasy of knocking her mom on her ass right out of the water.
"You brought me into this world and from that moment to this you have brought me nothing but pain. I'm done. I think I always loved the idea of you; the mom I wanted you to be in my head. But fantasy and reality never came together. I've finally let go of the fantasy, the hope of who I wanted you to be. It's lifted a weight off my heart that I didn't even know was there.
"I have love for you but I now have more love for myself. I'm going to think of me this time not you. I'm not going to feel obligated to once again get you out of the hole you've dug for yourself. I'm not going to get you out of this one Bunny. I'm sorry that you've had such a fucked up life and this is where it lead you.
"There is a part of me that hopes in some small way you get out of this. I wouldn't wish this situation on anyone. But you know what, a bigger part of me hopes that you don't get out of it and maybe it becomes the catalyst for you to get your life right. Either way, I'm done. I don't need or want to know which way this goes. Erin starts to walk away then comes back. I hope you can have some happiness in your life; everyone should have that."
She walked away from her mom then, amazed that she had one of those rare moments where you're actually able to say what you wanna say and it sounds exactly like it did in your head. She knows she won't go home tonight and spin about all the things she wanted to say and how she wished she would've said it. She feels the peace wash over her knowing that everything she said was right. Everything she said was for her not Bunny.
This is one of the few times that I can't read what's on Erin's face. There are a lot of emotions there, I'm just not sure which one is going to win. I know confrontations in the past have left her feeling sad and angry. Unfortunately most of the anger she usually feels is at herself for jumping on the Bunny Merry-Go Round again.
To lighten the mood and get her out of her head, I decide to be a dork. "Do you want me to drive? They say you shouldn't drive angry."
Erin smirks. "I'm not angry but good try Halstead. Your not driving."
"Hey, ya can't blame a guy for trying."
"No I suppose not…but ya also can't blame a girl for being annoyed at said guy."
There they are. The dimples I love so much.
"Your cute when your annoyed."
"And you're cute when you accept your role as my house husband."
With that he laughs and as a dutiful house husband, takes his seat as a passenger. They drive in comfortable silence, Jay basking in his role as Erin's house husband. He would do anything to keep a smile on Erin Lindsay's face.
They're parking when he sees that Erin's in her head again about the confrontation with her mom.
"I think…"
She looks at him and smirks, "I think it's a little too early for YOU to be thinking...let alone sharing those thoughts with me when I don't have enough coffee in my system."
They're heading up the stairs to Intelligence when Jay continues the conversation. "I think…to protect my already bruised ego, we need to start thinking of it as me 'riding shotgun.' It sounds a lot cooler than 'house husband.'"
"Oh my God, Halstead…I need coffee. Stop talking to me."
He laughs as they part ways him going to his desk and her directly to the break room, mumbling about more coffee so she doesn't murder her partner.
Platt comes huffing up the stairs, "Halstead. You got the Ivory Tower today. 10am. Don't be late.
"Ughhhh" he groans.
"Hey Guys, I would appreciate you transferring the phones back up here when you get in. I'm busy enough as it is."
Jay can't resist, "Sports page or crossword?"
"Ha ha you're pretty funny. Erin, your house husband is pretty funny."
This gets a laugh from everyone, even Voight. Jay leaves it alone. He knows better than to get into a verbal altercation with Platt. She hits below the belt. She hands the messages out, pausing in front of him with a message, daring him to say something.
With the cheesiest grin he can muster, "Thanks Sarge. You're the best and don't you forget it!" She hands him his message and gives him the stink eye, which immediately wipes the grin from his face.
After Platt goes back down stairs, Ruzek laughs, "Jeez Jay, even I know better than to mess with Platt."
"No guts no glory."
"I'm not seeing a whole lot of glory. What about you Kev. See any glory?"
"Naw dog. No glory. Sorry Jay."
"What about you Al?"
He shrugs, "I don't see any glory but then again, I'm not looking."
"Okay, fine then Ruzek. You didn't ask Hank, Antonio or Erin."
Jay looks at the three. Erin has a "dare you to ask me" look on her face. Antonio doesn't even look up from his desk, desperately trying to ignore the whole conversation and Hank just stares at him and walks back in his office.
"I'm going to take that as a yes."
Hank yells from his office "No!" and everyone laughs again at Jay's expense.
"Traitors!" He heads to the break room, "I'll just be drinking the rest of the coffee and not making a new pot."
My quest for coffee is cut short when I finally read the message Platt handed me. Grabbing my jacket, I answer Erin's quizzical look, "I'm gunna meet Tommy, be back in an hour."
30 minutes later
It's always a 50/50 chance that Tommy would actually show up. He's a good kid, not a very good CI, which makes him really happy. It means he's trying to get out of the life his brother guilted him into. I've been trying to get Tommy on a different path for awhile. Right now he's working on his GED and has a real job that he loves working for a friend of mine. Now that Tommy's brother is dead, he has a really good shot at starting over.
I've been waiting for a half hour at our usual spot behind Tommy's childhood home, long abandoned. At 9:15 I sent Erin a text.
Tommy didn't show.
Heading straight over to the ivory tower.
See ya tomorrow!
XOXO
^Did ya see what I did there? That whole XOXO thing. Only for you babe!
XOXO
^OMG I did it again! AND an OMG! OMG, I can't believe I did that.
XOXO
^ OMG, I. can't. stop!
XOXO
Don't wanna!
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
I just imagined her dimples as she laughed at my dopey texting skills. I would do anything to make her laugh, even text like a teenager.
I decided to shoot Tommy a text, not using my dopey texting skills but my cranky cop texting skills.
Not cool Tommy.
You better be studying.
Give me a call later.
As soon as I sent the text, I heard the telltale ding of a text received.
"What the hell?" I rounded the corner further into the alley behind the dilapidated houses of this old neighborhood.
"Tommy? You back here man?"
I sent out another text.
Tommy?
The ding came from up ahead on the right.
He wasn't there but his phone was. Shit. I was crouching down to pick it up when my head exploded.
POV Bucky the Asshole
As soon as Halstead went for the phone I hit him with a pipe. Not hard enough to kill but hard enough to incapacitate him. He went down in a crumpled heap but didn't lose consciousness for long.
"Pick him up."
Eugene and Candy picked up the detective. I grabbed him by the hair and lifted his head. The blood was already coming down the back of his head and down his neck.
"Hey Halstead. Someone wants to talk to you."
The detective answered with a wince as he tried to blink his eyes open and get his feet under him.
"You think you're better than me detective? Turning my daughter against me."
He sucked in a breath and tried not to slur his words but with the concussion he surely had, it was a lost cause.
"Bunny? Jesus, Bunny. Aren't you in enough trouble?"
She shrugs, "I'm out on bail and I'm not going back. You need to learn your lesson."
"Do you think your going to get Erin back doing this?"
"No. You screwed that up for me, turned her against me. But that doesn't mean I can't make you pay for it. If they catch me, which they won't, I'm already going to jail, so…"
"Bunny come on. You're only hurting Erin by doing this."
"No I'm hurting you…"
Bunny gives Eugene a nod and he lands 5 or 6 rabbit punches to Halstead's kidney. He doesn't make a sound, which pisses me off, and then finally the last punch gets a small grunt from him as his eyes roll back in his head and he slumps in their arms, on unconscious.
"Hold him up, dammit."
"Wake him up. He won't feel anything if he's out."
Again the cop comes around but he is barely hanging on to consciousness.
"You're going to pay for what you did to me. And Erin will pay because she won't have her goody two shoes boyfriend around."
"Bunny, please don't do this."
Bunny slaps him as hard as she can, scratching his cheek with her ring, then shakes out her hand.
"Bye Halstead. Have a nice life, all, I don't know, how long will it take him to die?…12 hours, give or take? Make him pay Bucky. Make it painful."
Music to my ears. "Eugene, Candy hold him tight." I lift Halstead's head by the hair again.
"You heard the lady. Nothing personal."
I rain down punch after punch on Halstead. When I feel one of his ribs give I switch places with Candy. Candy is about 6'6" and big as a house. He could finish the job.
Halstead seems determined to hold onto consciousness when we are through with him, which surprises me.
"You can really take a punch detective."
I give Candy and Eugene a nod and they let the detective crumble to the ground onto his side.
"I'm not supposed to kill you Halstead. My orders are to make you wish you were dead…until you die from your injuries."
I give Halstead a couple of kicks in the stomach. The blows are so hard, they lift and throw him back against the fence that separates the alley from yard beyond. I lean down and slap the detective in the face a couple times, "You still with me Halstead?"
The cops eyes blink open. "Hey…there you are." He smirks, "It's been fun." With that he kicks Halstead in the head slamming him into the fence. For good measure he steps on Halstead's left hand, certain he had broken at least a few fingers. "Come on guys. Fun's over."
He woke up in a world of pain, trying to breath through the nausea. He didn't know how long he had been laying there but it was getting dark and he thinks he might of left to meet Tommy some time that morning. Tommy…he hoped they hadn't killed him. A wave of despair went through him at that thought. He took as deep a breath as his ribs would allow and slowly released it. He couldn't focus on that right now. He needed to get help, then they could find Tommy. He took another breath to strengthen his resolve and tried to sit up but the pain that slammed into him with that small effort sent him back into oblivion.
THE NEXT MORNING
Voight is at the white board filling us in on our new case…
"Anyone hear from Halstead?"
He wasn't that late but it still pissed him off when his detectives didn't show up in time. Especially after he had sent a text for them to come in early.
A round of 'no's' are heard.
"He texted me yesterday. Tommy didn't show for the meeting so he went right to the Ivory Tower for his meeting."
"Maybe he didn't get the text."
A disbelieving 'hmph' was the only response they got from Voight.
A moment later they hear the gate. Voight thinking it's Halstead growls, "You better have a good excuse for being late, Halstead."
"Voight…" Platt not Halstead makes her way up the steps. "Halstead here?"
"No he's late." He sees the look on Trudy's face, "What's going on Trudy?
"The Ivory Tower called this morning. Halstead didn't show up for his meeting."
The tension in the bullpen rises to the level of palpable.
"It was schedule for ten yesterday and they're just calling us now?"
She shrugs. "I don't know what's going on but I just got off the phone with them. Probably fell through the cracks that he was even supposed to be there. You know how "efficient" they are."
"Dammit, Erin, call him."
"Al, grab Tommy's file and call him."
Erin shakes her head, "The call goes directly to voicemail."
"Tommy's phone rings then goes to voice mail."
"Is Will still staying with him? Tony give him a call."
"Got it."
"Adam, ping his damn phone."
"If none of that pans out, Dawson, Erin, check his apartment.
Voight goes back into his office and gets on the phone. He would call his own CI's. The ones on the books and the ones off the books. He started with the latter.
"Will's not answering. Tony, Erin, head out. I'll shoot Will a text."
They had all come up empty. The check on Jay's apartment was a bust. His truck was gone and it didn't look like he had come home last night.
They were racking their brains on their next step when Erin gets a call that resolves the issue.
He woke up much later, cold and damp with the early morning dew. The constant shivers pulsing through his body increased his pain exponentially. He couldn't stop the occasional whimper that escaped his lips. He wanted so badly just to go back to sleep and escape the agony but he needed to get up and get help or he would die here. He closed his eyes again and tried to calm his breathing. When he felt like he might have quelled the nausea that had threatened to undo him, he opened his eyes and slowly looked around. He saw his broken phone in the middle of the alley. Just that slight movement ratcheted up the pain in his skull to ten plus and he was puking before he even knew what was happening. He instinctively tried to protect himself, clutching his ribs with his broken hand while trying to push up with the other so he wouldn't choke on his own vomit. It was an endless cycle of pain begetting more pain until his spasming body gave out and he collapsed unconscious against the fence.
He let out a groan through clenched teeth as he came to. He had never felt so awful. When he could, he blinked open his eyes, hoping it wouldn't make him throw up again and that's when he saw it…a cell phone…Tommy's…Tommy's cell phone. His face crumbled at the thought of Tommy… … …the phone…there was a phone…it was a foot in front of him in the weeds, against the fence. He never would have seen it if he hadn't passed out at this angle against the fence. He cried out as he twisted slightly to reach with his right hand, he groaned and picked up the phone. He closed his eyes and swallowed his nausea as he held the phone to his heart.
When he's ready, he looks at the phone and sees the missed call notifications on the screen. Al, Erin…God Erin, he needed Erin. He hits the notification and calls her back.
She answered on the first ring.
"Lindsey."
It's barley a whisper, "Er…"
She waves to the rest of the guys, "Jay! Where are you."
Her anxious voice sends his head pounding with every heartbeat, "He groans through clenched teeth and forces out, "I don't know…"
"Jay?!"
She hears him groan, "Jay, stay with me, can you tell me where you are?" She waves to Adam, whose already trying to ping Tommy's phone.
"Tommy's…" His voice catches, his pain is through the roof and he lets out a quiet sob, "house…alley behind Tommy's…14…something 14…Brandon…
"Hold on Jay. We're coming. Don't hang up."
She could hear him breathing on the other end of the phone.
Adam yells out, "I got him. 1423 Brandon."
She stays on the phone as they all run down to the cars. "Hang on babe, we're on our way…20 minutes…EMS might get there first."
The phone leaves his ear and he again puts it to his heart. Rest…he needed to rest. This was so hard.
"Hang on…Jay…JAY!"
The phone is so heavy, why is it so heavy? … he is finally able to lift it to his ear, "m here Er…tired…I'm here."
"Okay, I love you…hold on. You're hurt. How are you hurt?"
He breathes though his nose, trying to quell the pain.
"Jay…"
His voice is nothing more than a whisper, "Er…mmm…I need to talk to Voight." Breathe… "Lemme…talk to Voight…please…I need to talk to Voight."
"What?…Okay…hold on here's Voight."
He can hear in the background Erin giving the phone to Voight and explaining that he wants to talk to him. He swallows again. Trying not to pass out or throw up.
"Jay…"
"Not…on speaker?
"Just you and me kid."
"It was Bunny. Bunny and her guys…Bucky, Eugene and Candy."
Voight looks at Erin. "Okay. That's good…hold on okay. Ambo ETA. 7 minutes. Hold on Kid."
Erin has grabbed the phone back, "Jay, are you there?"
"I love you too Er…love you too."
"Jay. JAY! Dammit!"
Voight and Erin are the first ones there. The rest of the team aren't far behind. When they turn into the alley they see Jay struggling to get up. He almost gets to his knees, then falls to his side, crying out in pain as he hits the ground. She leaps out of the car, running, before it's even stopped.
Voight throws the car into park, "Christ Erin!"
She slides on her knees to Jay, "Jay! Jay! Come on babe wake up."
He squints his eyes open and then quickly scrunches them shut.
"Er…"
He sighs in relief and gives me a small smile with his split lip.
"Babe, what happened?"
He deflects not wanting to answer the question.
His breathy voice is filled with pain and he's only able to get out a few words at a time, "Er, Tommy…his…you see him?" He groans then and reaches for his flank with his broken hand, hoping to stop the bolt of pain that shoots through him. Unsuccessful, he yelps when his hand falls back to the ground, causing him to slide closer to unconsciousness.
"Tmmmy," he mumbles
"In a sec, babe. Can you roll over onto your back so I can take a look at you?"
With Erin's help he slowly rolls onto his back and again try's to put a hand to his flank.
"Ahhh…no! No. Roll me back, roll…" He passes out from the pain.
Voight joins her on Jay's other side and helps put him back onto his side.
"Hank pull up his t-shirt."
The rest of the team arrive and surround us. Adam crouches down and places a hand on Jay's calf.
"Jesus Jay. Hold on, ambo's coming."
Erin lightly palpates Jay's flank, "God, Hank! The bruising over his kidney is bad but the area isn't rigid. Looks like there's no internal bleeding for now."
Jay's eyes flutter open and groans.
"Jay, stay with me. Can you tell me what happened?"
He breathes for a few seconds the mumbles out the chain of events.
He licks his bloody lip, "…someone hit…"
His eyes flutter, "Jay!" She puts her hand on his battered face, "Jay, wake up. Stay with me."
He groans…"Er…" Then groans again through clenched teeth. "Er…" He dry heaves and cries out in pain through clenched teeth. He loses consciousness again.
Behind her, she hears someone, Al, echoing her thoughts, asking where the damn ambulance is.
Jay doesn't open his eyes this time when he comes to but takes a moment to breathe through the pain and nausea.
A tear slips from his eye, "Meeting Tommy…Er…where's Tommy…please…Er…where's he…"
Ugh. He's not going to let it drop. "Okay. Stay with me and I'll check. No going to sleep okay."
"Prom…ise…"
She can't move, she doesn't want to leave him.
"Er…please." The devastation in his voice, together with a few more tears gets us moving.
"Okay, we'll look. Hold on for me." She runs her hand through his hair. "Hold on, they're looking."
Adam does a cursory sweep of one side of the the alley, Hank takes the other while talking on his phone. Adam disappears into the space between two garages. When he emerges, it's obvious he's found Tommy. He shakes his head. Shit.
When she looks back to Jay, his eyes have closed again
"Babe. Jay. Jay wake up."
"Tommy?"
"He's not here Jay. Voight will find him."
Adam gives her a sharp look but then backs down when he realizes why she lied. Jay comes first, he doesn't need to know about Tommy right now.
Voight walks back to us, "51 has been rerouted to a multiple shooting. Let's bring him in ourselves. It might take a bit for them to get another ambo to us. Kevin, pull my SUV closer and open the back. Erin put one of the back seats down."
Al kneels in front of Jay. "Hey kid, think you can stand up for us?" They get an affirmative mumble and maneuver a groggy, confused Jay up and sitting on his heels, mindful of his bruises. They let him get used to the change in position before they continue.
After a few seconds they start to stand him the rest of the way, "Okay, up ya go."
That's all it takes and Jay promptly leans over and pukes, groans then passes out into Kevin's arms.
"Shit. We're gunna have to carry him."
Atwater, Ruzek and Al carry Jay and gently set him in the back. Voight, Antonio and Erin help them slide him in all the way, laying Jay on his side incase he vomits again; his head in Erin's lap. Atwater runs to the drivers seat while Al rides shot gun. Adam gets into the other backseat.
"Voight goes to Al's open window and leans in. "The uni's are a minute out. Tony and I will lock down the scene first then head in."
"Got it."
Voight slaps the roof of the SUV twice and they head to the hospital, sirens blaring.
They get to the ER in record time and see Gaby and Sylvie restocking their ambulance. Both run over when they see the majority of Intelligence getting out of the SUV. They open the back and see Jay laying on his side with his head in Erin's lap. He looks terrible, beat up badly with dried blood on his head, neck and chest.
"Jesus…What happened?" Sylvie runs back to the ambo with the gurney.
Ruzek speaks up as they transfer a still unconscious Jay, "He got jumped meeting up with a CI. He's confused, been in and out of consciousness. He's light sensitive and has vomited a couple of times. His left flank is really bruised. We think he might have some broken ribs on that side."
"Okay. Let's get him inside."
They converge on the ER as a group. All of them following the gurney to the treatment room.
Will is walking down the hall when he sees Intelligence following a gurney to an exam room. They all stop just outside of it when Connor yells at them move back. They step back about a foot and that's it, they aren't going anywhere. Will sees that Jay and Voight are missing and starts to run because he just KNOWS it's Jay on that gurney.
Will is almost gentle as he pushes through Intelligence to get to his brother. He gets to Jay's side just as they complete his transfer from the gurney. Jay's now lying on his back. Will takes a good look at his brother and runs his hand lightly over his hair, "Ah shit Jay." He gives Connor a look, daring him to kick him out. They've been through this dance before. Connor sighs and gives in.
Will moves to Jay's hand and gently palpates it, "I can feel at least three breaks."
Jay winces and his eyes flutter open, blinking owlishly at the pain.
"Sorry, sorry. I know that hurts, all done. I'm going to put an IV in now Jay, you know the drill."
Jay's eyes flutter closed again.
April cuts off Jay's clothes. Connor finishes checking his pupils, then runs his fingers through Jay's hair looking for any other bumps besides the one on the back of his head with the gash.
"He's going to need a CT and then X-rays on his hand."
April has removed Jay's boots and cut off his jeans, leaving him in his boxer briefs. His legs look clear, only a couple of bruises. There is a collective gasp when she gets his shirt cut off, and a duet of "Shit." from Will and Connor.
Adam has to walk away, it's too much. Al follows him…none of them should be alone right now. On Al's way out, he passes Hank and Antonio who've just arrived. Al continues to follow Adam but speaks to Voight in passing, "Room two."
Antonio and Kevin can only stare at Jay, worry evident on their faces. Erin gasps and takes a step forward but is stopped by a hand on her shoulder.
"Hank…"
"I know kid. I know." He winces and blows out an angry breath at the state of Jay's body.
Jay's entire left side is mottled in dark purple and black bruises. He has multiple bruises to his chest and abs on the right side also but not quite as dark.
"Let's roll him." Slowly they roll Jay onto his right side and he lets out a groan and tightens up his body at the movement.
"Ahhh…No…no…n..Will…"
"Hey…It's okay…I know it's hard but try to relax…just a little bit longer and we'll give you something for the pain."
Connor tries to stay emotionally detached from the patients he treats but this is Jay, so that goes right out the window. "Dammit Jay! Maggie, call imaging. We're going to need a CT of his kidney with contrast. The bruising is significant. There's no way there's nothing's going on inside. Get him catheterized. We need to check for blood and monitor output."
Connor runs his gloved hands down Jay's back. "Okay, good. The blood's from the head wound, no punctures. Will check his ear. See if the blood's coming from his ear or the head wound."
The curtain is pulled.
They hear Will declare that Jay has a ruptured eardrum. A minute later, there is more swearing from Will and Connor.
"Shit, that's too much blood. Maggie, scratch the CT. We need to get him to the OR. He's bleeding internally. We'll take a look laparoscopically first and see what we'll need to do from there."
They've been waiting for four hours when Will finally walks into the waiting room. They all rise as one, and although Will looks worried, he doesn't look devastated. It brings their fears for Jay down a notch.
"Hey guys, he's going to be okay. He's got a grade three concussion, though. So he's going to feel pretty crappy for a while. He woke up in recovery and is pretty confused. He wavers between knowing bits and pieces of what happened and having no idea what happened. Short time memory loss is on par for a grade three but we'll check again when all of the anesthesia has left his system. We don't have to worry about the ruptured eardrum, it'll heal on its own but it's going to throw off his equilibrium for a while. It'll exasperate the dizziness and nausea from the concussion, so be prepared for more puking in his future.
"We're concerned about his left kidney. It had a small tear, which Connor was able to fix in surgery but bruising is significant so we'll continue to monitor it to make sure it doesn't get worse.
"He's got some broken bones in his hand. The pinky finger has a middle and proximal break as well as metacarpal break and his ring finger has a metacarpal break. They're all clean breaks, no surgery or reduction needed, just a cast. He has three ribs with hairline cracks and one broken rib on the left side."
He takes a deep breath and smiles. "On top of all that, when he's more 'with it,' he'll be an irritating level of grumpy/asshole. We know how much he loves being in the hospital and he's going to be here a few days. Plus, he's catheterized, hence the upcoming assholeness."
Will goes for the joke at the end of what seems like the endless list of Jay's injuries. He was scared shitless when he saw Jay being wheeled into the ER. The joke was probably more for himself than Jay's team but nevertheless, it gets a laugh and their anxiety level drops considerably.
"We'll be moving him to a room as soon as his hand is set and the antiemetic kicks in. I'll let you know once he's settled."
"Great. Thanks Will."
"So what happened? Did you guys catch who did it?"
Al chose himself as spokesman for the group, since he was going to tell a lie and only he and Hank, for the moment, were privy to it. They still needed to figure out how they're going to tell Erin that her mother's going to be arrested for attempted murder of a police officer. "We'll go back at the scene once Jay's settled but so far we don't have anything. Jay was meeting with a CI and it looks like he got jumped."
"Was it the CI? Was he involved?"
"No. The CI wasn't involved or at least not on purpose. We think he might have been fed some false information and was followed to his meet with Jay."
The team enters Jay's darkened room, only the small light above the sink is on, but it's enough light to see clearly. They enter just as April is pulling off an unconscious Jay's hospital gown.
"He threw up again. Didn't quite make it into the emesis basin."
Erin nods. They all take in the state of Jay. Jesus he looks like shit. His face, chest and torso are covered with bruises. He's got butterfly bandages on his cheek and smaller cuts that litter his face. Shit.
Erin moves forward and helps April put the new gown on a very groggy Jay.
Jay opens his eyes.
Erin is putting the gown over Jay's casted hand, "Hey babe, let us do the work."
He closes his eyes again and breathes through his nose. He has no choice but to let them do the work. He couldn't move on his own if he tried.
"Er…"
She recognizes that look and gets the emesis basin there just in time. He doesn't really have much to throw up, it is mostly the dry heaves, but the pain of it causes him to pass out. April and Erin catch him before he can slump forward and guide his head back to the pillow as he crumbles. April pushes another dose of the anti emetic, then gives them a nod to go with her into the hall.
"He's really sensitive to light, movement and noise. The movement is due to the ruptured eardrum. Try to keep it down and not move too much when he's got his eyes open so he doesn't follow your movements. We have the lights low, so that will help the light sensitivity. He's got a morphine pump to help with the pain and he'll another dose of sedative in about an hour. I'm going to go back down to the ER. Give us a call if you need anything. Jay's family, we want to help."
Erin gives her a hug, "Thanks April."
They go back into the room and take their seats, noticing the white board on beside the door with "light sensitivity" and "Noise sensitivity" written on it.
Erin quietly moves a chair to the head of the bed but doesn't sit. She leans over Jay and runs her fingers through his hair a few times, tears filling her eyes. She doesn't let them spill, instead she leans down and kisses his brow.
She sighs and gives the group a small smile before she sits down, noticing Adam looking very uncomfortable. He returns her smile with a tight smile of his own, eyes flicking towards the base of the mattress. She rolls her eyes when he untucks a corner of the sheet so it hangs down over the catheter bag. He looks around the room, shrugs and whispers, "What?"
They had all sat quietly with Jay through the night. For the most part, it was uneventful but after Jay had been in his room for about three hours, Connor upped his sedation for the night. Jay had thrown up two more times. They were hoping the higher sedation would help Jay sleep through the night and through the worst of the concussion. It would also make the brief moments when they wake him less painful.
The next day Voight and Al are the only ones in the room when Jay wakes up. Voight sent everyone else home to shower, change, get something to eat, anything they wanted but he didn't want anyone back at the hospital for at least four hours. Will's come and gone all night. The ER is short staffed but when he's not needed he comes to the room until they page him.
Al stands up when he notices Jay's eyes are open. He whispers, "Hey kid, how ya doing?"
Jay closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.
Voight picks up the water cup. "Here kid, take a sip."
Voight holds the cup and guides the straw to Jay's lips. He closes his eyes and takes a couple of small sips. He licks is lips but keeps his eyes closed, "Voight…" He turns his head slightly so he's facing Voight and Al before he opens them again.
"You arrest Bunny?
"Ya, they're all in lockup at the 15th."
Closing his eyes, he asks, "Have you told Erin?"
"Not yet kid. That's why they're at the 15th. Gives us a bit of time to sort this out."
He winces, significant pain lines appearing on his face, "She's going to feel like this is her fault. Talk to her. She laid into Bunny the other day, ended their relationship for good…"
Hank pushes the button for a dose of morphine. A few moments later Jay visibly relaxes.
"Take your time Jay."
He keeps his eyes closed and breathes…to the extent that they think he's fallen back to sleep.
After a long moment, Jay mumbles, "Bunny…okay…ddnt talk to…Er," like he's trying to hold onto the information they gave him just seconds ago.
Jay concentrates on what he needs to say. He swallows and whispers, words more and more slurred the longer he talks, "Bunny realized Erin was finally done with it, that's why she did this…"
He pauses, trying to breathe through the need to puke, "She wanted to hurt Erin." Erin's going to feel responsible. You have to convince her it's not her fault."
Voight takes a breath, huffs it out and gives Jay's shoulder a squeeze.
"You did good kid. Rest up. I'll talk to her."
2 DAYS LATER
Voight's sitting alone in Jay's room, watching him sleep, worried his concussion symptoms haven't improved much the last couple of days. It's been mildly disconcerting that in Jay's brief moments of lucidity, he's been in either too much pain or too confused to be grumpy, let alone an asshole. They would welcome one or the other at this point. Hell, they're not even sure he knows he has a catheter.
Jay still feels like his head's imploding but at least now he can keep his eyes open for longer bits of time without feeling like he's going to hurl. He knows, no he feels, his body is a mess. It would probably help if he started to move around but fuck that. He doesn't ever remember feeling this bad and would gladly sleep for a week or two until the worst of it passed.
He's been confused and knows his memory's been spotty but he's pretty sure Erin hasn't show for awhile. He's not sure how long it's been, sleeping so much, he has no concept of time. He finally feels like he can open his eyes and be in the world for awhile. He is surprised and somewhat disappointed to find it's Voight sitting in his room and not Erin.
"Voight."
Voight starts at the sound of Jay's voice, he was staring right at him and didn't realize he had woken up. He leans towards Jay, arms resting on his thighs. "Welcome back kid, again."
His voice is rough from lack of use, "What happened?"
Voight sighs. They've answered this question many times. He replies with the team's standard answer. "You got jumped."
"Oh." That's all Jay ever says. Voight had asked Dr. Charles why Jay never asks for more information. Dr. Charles is of the opinion that Jay subconsciously knows what happened once he's reminded that he got jumped, so he doesn't need that information but he also doesn't want to look at it yet.
"Where's Erin?"
Voight blows out a breath, "She hasn't come by?"
"No. It's okay, I'm just worried about her. Have you seen her?"
Then he remembers. Erin, her mom…"You talked to Erin."
"Ya, the day after we found you."
Jay looks confused with this information.
"That was a couple of days ago. It's okay kid. Your memory isn't too good right now. Will said it'll get better, it's already getting better, it's just still a bit spotty."
Jay just nods, then regrets that action and closes his eyes.
"But you've seen her? She's okay?"
"She's coming to work. She's quiet but she's showing up. I'll make sure she comes by today."
Jay doesn't hear that last bit. He's already fallen back a sleep.
Erin forces herself to go see Jay even though her guilt is overwhelming. Both Voight and Al had tried to convince her that it wasn't her fault but she can't bring herself to believe it.
When she get's to Jay's room that night, Jay is sleeping. Will's also asleep in a chair by his bed. Neither of them stir as she walks to Jay and looks down at his sleeping face. She can't help the tears from spilling, looking at the man she loves, battered and bruised in a hospital bed and it's all because of her and her damn mother. She puts her hand on his cheek and lightly runs her thumb over his brow, needing the contact. Finally, she sits in the other chair by the head of his bed and wipes the tears from her face. She pulls her knees to her chest, chin resting on the one arm that lays across her knees. Holding his hand, she absentmindedly rubs her fingers across his knuckles, then looks at the knuckles of his other hand. No cuts, no bruises. He never got a chance to fight back. She closes her eyes and cries herself to sleep.
Erin wakes when the nurse comes in to check Jay's vitals. Will is gone and someone, likely him, has covered her with a blanket. She smiles at the nurse and then looks at Jay. His eyes are open and on her. For now she just smiles and lets the nurse go through her routine. When the nurse leaves she goes to Jay and kisses his forehead. She holds his hand but doesn't speak.
He croaks out, "Can I have some water?"
"Oh, of course."
She holds the straw for him as he takes a few sips, then sighs, "How are you?"
"How are you?"
"It's not your fault, Er. Please don't beat yourself up, please."
She opens her mouth but no words come out. Instead the tears start to fall.
He's grateful he feels somewhat lucid at the moment, "Hey, it's not your fault." He wants to brush the tears away but the best he can do is squeeze her hand. "Please believe me. I'm proud of you Er, for taking care of yourself, putting yourself first. But this isn't your fault. This is all on your mom. Please believe that. I don't blame you, no one blames you. This is just another measure of your mom. She's going to go to prison for a long time and all that's on her, who she is and the actions she chose to make. YOU, babe, are not responsible for who your mom is as a person or how she lives her life."
Erin starts to speak but he cuts her off.
"Er, I know you still love your mom and I know you always will and that's okay, that will always be okay. You can love her and hate her actions at the same time. You had already decided you wouldn't be a part of her life. Now, you need to give yourself the chance to mourn the idea of a mom you never had and the hope that she would someday become that person. That would have needed to happen even without all of this. I love you. I'll be with you every step of the way. Voight will be with you every step of the way."
He gives her hand another squeeze. She can tell his little speech has taken a toll on him. The pain is etched in his face. It's hard to watch him talk with his beautiful face so bruised, knowing he's in pain. But even through the pain, she sees the love in his eyes and the truth. He wouldn't lie to her.
She pushes the button for his pain meds, knowing he won't do it. She brushes her hand gently over his bruised face and smiles, "I love you, back."
His sleepy, pain filled eyes lock with hers but after a moment the pain dissipates. It's replaced with an all encompassing love for her, a love he conveys with just a single look before his eyes flutter closed.
THE NEXT MORNING
His head is throbbing, the pain getting worse with every heartbeat. Erin and Voight just told him, apparently for the third time, about Tommy. He had forgotten the other two times. His concussion has really done a number on him.
Erin gives Voight a brief glance as she continues to run her fingers through Jay's hair.
It looks like it's finally sunk in this time because he doesn't immediately fall back asleep. The emotional pain is written all over his face as well as the telltale signs of increasing physical pain.
"Babe…talk to me."
He clenches his jaw and brings his right hand up to cover his eyes.
She pulls his hand down and holds it, "Jay, look at me."
She is devastated by what she sees in his eyes when he finally does look at her.
"Oh, babe." She brushes through his hair again, "I'm so sorry."
He closes his eyes, the guilt is overwhelming. He pushes the button for the meds and slides into oblivion.
He's alone in the room when he wakes sometime in the middle of the night and thinks of Tommy. Tommy was a good kid put in an impossible situation by his brother. Jay can't help but feel he let him down. That he somehow should have done more. He shouldn't have used him as a CI, no matter how much Tommy wanted to help; his thank you for what Jay was doing for him. He shouldn't have taken the information when he called. He should have got Tommy out of town, no matter how much Tommy fought it. He should have done so many things differently. He groans through clenched teeth and arches his back to lessen the constriction of his heart at the loss of Tommy and his failure to protect him. He wants to push the button and let the pain meds take him out of his thoughts but there's a part of him that feels like he deserves the pain.
Voight had come back to the room, pausing at the door when he sees the kid's awake. He watches Jay spin, watches as the emotions play across his face. He watches until he realizes the kid needs his pain meds but isn't pushing the button. Instead of going to his seat, he goes to the side of the bed and takes a long look at Jay.
"Jay, look at me… … … Halstead…"
Using his last names equates to an order in his mind so he turns to Voight.
"I'm only going to say this once." He pauses to make sure Jay's listening. "Tommy had two years of a pretty good life in an otherwise shitty existence. That's because of you. You gave him that." He keeps his eyes locked with Jay's a moment longer before he pushes the button for the morphine. "Get some sleep kid."
THE NEXT MORNING
He opens his eyes the next morning to find all of Intelligence sitting in his room. He rubs his face and winces, forgetting about the bruises that litter his face. His first thought, Tommy. Fuck…he can't stop the tears that gather but is able to keep them from spilling. He puts his arm over his face, blocking everything out, blocking everyone out. He knows they're all looking at each other, trying to figure out what to do. Eventually he hears them all leave…all but one. Erin. She pulls the chair closer but doesn't sit. Instead she gently takes his arm away from his face. "Jay…"
That's all it takes for the tears to spill. He shakes his head, voice catching, "Fuck, Erin."
"I know babe, I know."
He blows out a slow breath and rubs the tears from his eyes with his right hand, forgetting his bruises and wincing again.
Erin grabs his hand to stop him. "Jay stop."
He gives her a tight smile as he drops his hands to his lap and pushes his head against the pillows. The ceiling has become very interesting.
"I know what's going on in that head of yours. It's not your fault…"
His eyes flick to her and go back to the ceiling. "I know…I…it just sucks. He was working so hard…he should have had a chance."
"He did have a chance. You gave him that Jay. But sometimes…I don't know. Sometimes life just fucking sucks and there's nothing we can do about it."
Again, his eyes flick to her, pushing out the next wave of tears. He doesn't wipe them away, giving them free reign to roll down his face. She lets him cry for a while being a silent support as she holds his hand. She gives him the time to work it out in his head, the guilt, sadness, the loss.
After some time, Jay falls into a peaceful sleep. She doesn't leave his side or let go of his hand. A few hours later when he start to stir, she stands and runs her hand through his hair as he slowly wakes. He takes a deep breath, opens his eyes and looks at her, love and gratitude shine in his eyes. She smiles putting a hand on each side of his face, one moving to brush through his hair again. Their foreheads touch for a moment.
When she leans back, their eyes lock and he is able to give her a small, 'I'm okay.' smile. She smiles back and gently kisses him, mindful of his split lip. He tenderly kisses her back. Their eyes lock again as he touches his tongue to his lip, the split has opened again, but isn't bleeding. She pouts and begins to apologize. His eyes don't leave hers as puts his hand on the back of her neck, pulling her to him, kissing the corner of her beautiful lips. He gives her a smile, a smile that reaches his eyes. He touches his lip, "It's okay, it was worth it."
Then he gives her a smaller version of his shit eating grin and chuckles, "XOXO…"
She laughs and rolls her eyes, "O.M.G, Halstead…" punctuating it with a kiss and a grin.
He sighs…God those dimples.
A/N
Jeez, I made myself cry at one point. Can you guess where? It surprised me and oh cwap, I was in public! Thank God I was wearing a hat and I could pull it down. Then I turned my twisted up, 'trying not to cry' face and pretended I was thinking really hard. I think it worked…
I'm not very good at writing anything that might even lean towards romantic, but I tried. Hope I did some justice to Linstead.
