"Let's stop for coffee on the way…my treat."
Jay volunteered to go with Vanessa to meet one of her CI's. He thought this guy was squirrelly and even though Vanessa had known Manny a long time, he wasn't going to risk it.
"Jeez, I feel like I'm one of the cool kids now…you buying me coffee…this mean you're gunna let me drive your truck?"
Jay smirked at her, "When you're tall enough to reach the pedals…"
"Whoa Halstead, now that's just cold…"
"But true…"
"Okay, yes probably…but a girl can dream…"
"Yes a girl can dream…" he glanced at her and threw a shit kicking grin her way, "you hold on to that one Rojas, maybe move it down toward the bottom of the list though…"
XXXXXXX
She opened her mouth to warn Jay but then her head exploded. As she fell to the ground, she saw one of the thugs hit Jay in the back with something, causing him to arch his back and stumble. The rage that blazed from him when she was hit was briefly interrupted by pain before it returned full force.
His stumble morphed into a sloppy hook kick to her attacker, a precursor to Jay driving him head first into a wall before he could hit her a second time. She passed out to a rage filled Jay turning on the other three.
X
Vanessa came to laying on her stomach and blinked her eyes trying to clear them. She didn't know why this happened. Manny had been her friend then her CI forever…but he pulled them into a trap and now lay dead, bullet between the eyes, slumped against the brick wall.
She tried to get to her hands and knees but barely made it and inch before she passed out again, bloody face laying against the red brick of the alley.
When her eyes fluttered open again, probably moments later, the world was blurry and sound was muted. As her vision cleared and her hearing came back in a rush, banishing the static, she saw what was going on in front of her, powerless to help, all she could do was lay on the brick and watch as Jay took on the three guys. The fourth guy still on the ground, probably dead given the bloody dent above his eye.
She had never seen Jay fight before, didn't even think of it. She knew he had been a Ranger but didn't know about any of the special skills he might have, didn't have that knowledge to put in her tiny box of things she knew about Jay; a great cop, loyal to a fault, Hailey's best friend, protector…protector…he was protecting her and that's why he was in this mess.
Surely concussed but even with her muddled brain, she was kind of awestruck watching him fight. It was the precision she thought. Like, an elite army guy standing at attention but in kicking your ass form. Three against one, he was giving as good as he got but he was getting a lot. Just two now, as he had dropped another with a move she couldn't quite clock.
Jay was losing steam. She could tell as the grunts of pain became more frequent and the blood running down his face from his forehead, nose and lip were just evidence of the beating he was taking. The blood running in his left eye was what turned the fight in the their favor. He couldn't see in his left periphery and a hard blow to his face sent him into the wall with a grunt, the wall itself delivering another devastating blow.
His back was slammed into the wall twice more by the bigger of the guys, then held there while the other one landed three hard blows to Jay's abdomen. The last blow forced a choked scream from his lips and had him leaning to the left, curling in on himself.
They let him drop and caught their breath, giving Jay an opportunity to also catch his breath but it was illusive.
Sucking in shallow breaths, Jay slid his knee up, another limb protecting whatever damage they had just done to his left side, not that it would help. The damage was already done.
Their eyes met for a moment. Jay lifted his left hand off the brick and put in back down, closing his eyes then opening them. He wanted her to stay down, play possum. She knew what he was doing, keeping the focus on himself. Getting beat to death so they would leave her alone.
The pain in Jay's eyes was extreme but it was the guilt in them that broke her heart. He was blaming himself. She mouthed, 'no' hoping he would understand it wasn't his fault, that she didn't blame him but there was no time for it to register, the assholes had caught their breath.
Jay threw his head back and screamed when one of them toed him onto his back, heightening the pain in his injured left side, then they went to town on him using their feet. He was able to arch away from some blows and even sweep the feet out from under one of the guys, but that just brought the asshole to Jay's level. Straddling him, the perp delivered blow after blow to Jay's face whipping his head back and forth to punctuate his warning to stay out of their territory.
He got off Jay when he stilled, unconscious or dead he didn't care. Waving his friend over they checked their buddies, leaving the dead one and feeling their own injuries, picked up the other between them and stumbled away.
X
Tears leaked from her eyes as they fluttered closed, Jay looked dead, was probably dead and it was her fault. She opened her eyes again and took a breath, needing to get to Jay. She dragged herself closer, her head spinning the whole time. She fought the nausea of a sure concussion, Jay was the priority.
She finally made it where she could look into his face, their bodies going in different directions, he was upside down to her. The damage was significant.
Jay was on his right side. His right arm was under him, the left bent in front, almost like he was reaching out to her. His normally handsome, stoic face, that always had a shit kicking grin for Hailey, and sometimes for the rest of them, was covered in blood and red splotches that would surely become dark bruises if death didn't stop the process.
She didn't know how he couldn't be dead. She tilted her head a bit so she could watch his chest and could see the shallow hitching breaths. She drew closer, wanting to touch him, but didn't know where. She didn't know how broken he was and didn't want to hurt him further.
She slid her arm across the bricks, eyes closing, the movement making her want to puke. When her stomach had calmed down she opened her eyes and reached out. She rubbed his left hand, his finger and called his name as loud as the nausea let her. It came out in a whisper…she kept stroking his finger, hoping he would wake up but his eyes didn't even flutter.
She reached out further and stroked his forehead at his hairline but again nothing. That's what did her in and she was able to turn her head as she vomited but still got it in her hair and on her face. When she was done, head splitting, she turned back to Jay, part of her hoping the violence of her vomiting might have woken him up. The other part of her afraid he had died while she turned away from him, but he was still breathing those hitched breaths.
She went back to stroking his finger, mindful of his bruised, swelling knuckles. They needed help, but the radio was in the truck blocks away, tucked away with their guns and badges. Her phone laying shattered on the on the ground a few feet away, and although she wasn't sure, Jay's had probably met the same fate. They were stuck.
He would probably die here if they didn't get help. A good samaritan was their only hope and given this neighborhood and how deep the fight took them into the alley, that was a pipe dream. Tears rolled down her face and over the bridge of her nose, mixing with the blood and vomit on the bricks. She called Jay's name again, watching a rivulet of blood make a trail from his temple and across his eye as she stroked his finger one more time before she passed out, her fingers still making a connection with his.
X
His eyes fluttered open and a groan escaped his bloody lips. Vanessa was unconscious in front of him. Her steady breathing confirmed she was alive and he closed his eyes briefly in relief. He pulled his hand out from her's and weakly squeezed it.
"Vanessa…" he whispered.
Body on fire, just squeezing her hand sent waves of pain crashing through it. He closed his eyes and pulled in as deep of a breath as he could, a mistake, he was cursing himself for the stupidity of his move as pain crushed him under its heel and into unconsciousness.
X
His phone vibrating against his leg sent ripples of pain through him that brought him to the surface. In pained slow motion, long after the buzzing stopped, he had the phone in trembling fingers, only to drop it and send it skittering on the brick toward him, not away…a lucky break. Tears leaking at the pain in his head worsening by the second, he slowly pulled it close to his face and took a shallow breath.
He hoped he unlocked it but couldn't see to pick a number and hit the screen hoping the call would go through.
"Hey Jay…how'd it go?"
"Kim…"
It was nothing more than him mouthing her name. He tried again with the same results, "Kim…"
"Jay?"
He couldn't respond trying to stay conscious while the pain in his head and side, his whole body assaulted him.
"JAY!"
He could hear a commotion coming over the phone, he held onto conscious until he heard the one word he needed, 'ping.'
They would ping his phone. He closed his eyes, a relieved sigh carrying him into darkness. They would come for her. Vanessa would get the help she needed now.
XXXXXXX
The Unit had gone straight to the hospital since patrol was on scene within two minutes, the medics within three. Voight ordered Platt to lock it down and oversee the scene personally and the team would be there when they found out the status of Vanessa and Jay.
Vanessa had arrived a few minutes ago, consciousness ebbing and flowing. Hailey had tried following her into the room so she wouldn't be alone but was stopped at the door, so she joined the rest of the team as they waited for her partner to arrive. Jay was another five minutes out. They had a hard time stabilizing him at the scene for transport.
"Come on Jay, come on come on come on….clear…"
Sylvie hit the button, cringing when Jay's body arched off the brick and flopped back down.
"Nothing…dammit…
"Charging…"
"Come on Jay…clear…"
Again there was nothing.
"Charging."
She growled through clenched teeth, trying to stay professional when her friend was laying on the ground dead.
"Clear…"
Again he arched in the air…
"Please…" it was a whisper… but this time Jay fell back to earth with a pulse. Something somewhere had heard her plea.
"Got him…let's move…"
XXXXXXX
They all lingered around the desk but moved to the doors when Jay was wheeled into the ER. Even though they knew it was bad from what Maggie told them, they were hoping to see him conscious and bitching about having to go the the ER.
One look at Sylvie's face as she hopped out of the ambulance drove home the truth of Maggie's words. The paramedic was trying to remain professional while purposely not looking at them but they could see the tears welling in her eyes.
Looking at Jay they could see why. Sylvie's partner squeezed an ambo bag as Jay was whisked by and away from them. He was beat to a pulp, his face bloody, bruised and swollen, shirt cut open revealing leads to the heart monitor, more horrific bruising…and defibrillator patches.
Normally the team would linger by the door of his treatment room but instead they headed to a corner of the waiting room, hiding in plain sight from the direness of the situation. Jay's treatment room was a terrifying place to be right then. They couldn't watch the ups and downs of his treatment…they couldn't watch Jay die.
Ten minutes later they saw Ethan, Marcel and April run from the room, Jay between them. The unit remained frozen in place. Fear and relief enveloping them. Jay was on his way to surgery…not the morgue…that was something…they would hold on to that.
Sharon followed the group as they exited the treatment room, then broke off and walked purposefully to their corner.
She told them the needed basics first.
"Jay's on his way to surgery. Vanessa will be okay. We'll do a CT to verify there is nothing more serious going on, but it looks like the extent of her injuries is a significant concussion. She woke briefly…" her face changed at that statement, sadness taking up residence at the memory of the young woman's anguish. "Cognitively she's fine. We'll keep her 24-48 hours to monitor her."
They sighed at the good news that Vanessa would be okay. But they knew Jay was the other shoe and it was about to drop.
Voight spoke up hoping Vanessa had information for them, "Did she say anything?"
Sharon knew he was hoping for information about the attackers but Vanessa didn't provide any.
The look of sadness engulfed her face again. "She was calling for Jay…crying that he saved her…apologizing to him…" she cleared her throat, "based on what she said she seems to think this is her fault…her fault Jay died. She thinks he died."
"Christ…"
Sharon nodded her head, then moved on to Jay. She was never one to beat around the bush and even if she was, she knew that wouldn't fly with Hank Voight.
"Jay…" She took a big breath and sighed it out, "…it's bad…it doesn't look good. He isn't stable enough for scans, they had to take him right to surgery. He has significant internal bleeding and they lost him once at the scene. I'll keep you updated."
They had all seen the defibrillator patches but had hoped they where a 'just in case'. The fact that they had been used upped their anxiety level significantly.
Voight wondered how Will was doing with all of this, "Will?"
Maggie sighed debating if it was a good thing or a bad thing that Will was out of state when Jay was brought in, "He's in Wisconsin. He'll be here in three hours give or take."
Voight knew Will and knew that nothing, not even speed limits or laws in general would keep him from his little brother. Will would be here within two hours tops.
XXXXXXX
Jay had come through the surgery with flying colors, granted they were red black and blue. But he was alive and was going to be okay, or so they were told and that's all that mattered.
He had woken up at 4:00 am in significant pain but he needed the question answered that had been spinning in his head since he started to come to and remembered what happened. He finally broke through the surface to the land of the living and found Will hovering over him.
Jay knew his brother was talking but everything was muffled.
"Jay…come on bud…wake up."
He tried to raise his arm and wipe the sleep off his face but pain shot through his arm lighting a fire to the pain in his body, causing him to tip his head back with a groan.
Scrunching his eyes shut, painful jaw clenched, he breathed through his nose to put out the fire engulfing his body. It wasn't working but words started to filter in regardless.
"…more pain meds on board…"
It was a dry whisper, but desperate. "No…" He couldn't go back to sleep.
Vanessa.
A straw touched his lips, "Small sips just to wet your whistle."
Small sips was all he could pull off. He was in so much pain.
"Vanessa."
There was still no volume, but Will seemed to understand.
"She's okay…"
Looking at his brother through blurry eyes, he couldn't tell if he was lying. He thought Will might lie to him right now…about this…while he was hurt.
"Vanessa…Will…"
Will could tell his brother didn't believe him, so he jutted his chin to the other side of the bed.
Bringing in the recliner for Vanessa was their fix for getting her to rest. She had tried to escape her room twice to get to Jay, but failed when she ended up on the floor puking. So now she was Jay's unofficial roommate.
Jay turned his head biting down on a groan and blinked his eyes, hoping what he was seeing wasn't an illusion.
Vanessa was laying in a recliner that had been pulled up against the bed facing him. She had a blanket over her and was dead to the world…but not dead.
It was then he felt the warmth in his right hand where Vanessa held it. A sigh escaped his lips taking with it some of the emotional pain. He had been afraid Vanessa had died, that he hadn't gotten help in time.
He hadn't protected her but at least she was alive. He weakly squeezed her hand sending another bold of pain through his body, but she continued to sleep. He turned back to Will, the groan he was trying to hold in, escaping.
"She's okay. She has a concussion, but she's good. She'll be fine…"
Giving the smallest of nods, Jay's face twisted in pain, jaw clenching.
"Pain meds now?"
He closed his eyes, took a shallow breath and mouthed 'yes' since the effort to add volume would just ratchet up the pain. He felt Will brush his hand through his hair as he waited for the drugs to do their thing…Vanessa was okay…that thought carried him to an emotional and physical pain free oblivion.
XXXXXXX
2 days later
She had never been so grateful to have a concussion. She was off duty for the foreseeable future, so while the team continued to track down the animals that ambushed them, she was left on Jay duty. She hadn't left the hospital after she was 'officially' released, just moved herself down to Jay's step-down room after they transferred him out of the ICU.
Jay had been waking up more and more, awareness lasting longer every time. She was getting impatient. She wanted him to stick around in the conscious world…it'd be proof that he would be okay…she could apologize…again. She didn't think they were sticking, the other apologies she gushed every time he woke up. She needed him to get better. She needed him to know how sorry she was.
XXXXXXX
She had only left to go to the restroom. When a nurse came out of his room, she thought the coast was clear to go back in. But it wasn't. The coast wasn't clear by a long shot.
Vanessa poked her head around the curtain first and then her body followed. The tears started immediately as she froze, eyes glued to Jay's naked torso, blankets pulled to just under his belly button, wishing she could unsee what she was seeing.
So many things registered that her mind couldn't sort them into something that made sense. Another nurse was changing the bandages from the surgery to fix his spleen. Four red incisions, held together by black stitches. His naked chest and belly were covered with bruises in various shades of black and blue.
The bruising was so beyond dark she didn't think it was possible. One of her first thoughts was if there was that much blood under the surface of his skin, how much did he have pumping through the rest of his body.
She hadn't even realized that the nurse had left and jumped when Will touched her arm. She looked up at him for a moment, tears rolling, then focused back on Jay, blankets pulled up to his chest again. She covered her mouth to hold in the sob, but it was just there just the same. She looked at Will again, desperation on her face.
He rubbed her shoulder and then gave it a gentle squeeze, "Vanessa…"
She looked up at him, sucked in a breath and turned back to Jay.
"Hey…" Will turned her body so she had to face him, "He's going to be okay. It looks bad…but really Vanessa he'll be okay."
She pulled her lips in, her eyes were drawn back to the bed when Jay released an agonizing groan. He weakly arched off the bed to alleviate the pain, but that just seemed to ratchet it up.
Jay's jaw was clenched and his bruised face was twisted in pain, "Mmmm…"
Will was at his side in a heartbeat, hand resting on the side of Jay's head.
"Shhh. It's okay…pain meds are coming."
He sucked in a stuttering breath that sounded like the wind up to a sob but the meds took him before it could escape leaving Will and Vanessa engulfed in worry and Vanessa drowning in guilt.
X
The next day
Vanessa had been sitting by Jay's bed nonstop. She was still on pain meds since her head was killing her, but she would rather be here, snoozing in the recliner than at home in her own bed.
It had been three days since they had been ambushed and she had been plagued by nightmares where Jay died every time. A surge of guilt would wake her up but seeing him laying there, heart monitors beeping, his warm hand in hers, reminded her that this was the reality, not the hell of the nightmare.
Stepping to the bed when he huffed out a breath and sucked in another. She could see his pain was increasing in the twist of his battered face and wondered if the pain meds weren't working or if something was wrong…
"Jay…"
"Mmmm…"
He didn't mean for the groan to escape, he didn't want Vanessa to know he was in pain but he couldn't find the button for the PCA.
Seeing Jay's hand weakly slide on the bed under the blanket, she understood what was happening and rushed to the other side, finding the button jammed between the bed and the rail.
She pushed it immediately, "Hold on Jay…I pushed the button…just a sec…"
Gently putting the button in his hand, she fastened the clip to the sheet nearby so it didn't get away from him again.
His face was scrunched up and he was in so much pain, she silently begged the meds to kick in.
"Nnnn…" he groaned through his clenched jaw, weakened body curling in on itself trying to suffocate the pain but not succeeding.
Awkwardly rubbing his shoulder, she looked to the door, wishing a nurse would come in, "Shhh…shhh…it's okay. Hold on."
Finally he stilled and the pain slipped from his face and he was out, a relieved sigh escaping his lips. She adjusted the button in his fingers, making sure they were curled around it and then sobbed, putting her head on the rail as she held his hand.
Will chose that moment to come in and seeing her stress rushed to the bed. His eyes scan the monitors and finding nothing amiss.
"Vanessa?"
Putting her head up, she wiped the tears and snot from her face with the sleeve of her sweatshirt as she tried to catch her breath.
She swallowed and shook her head, "He was in pain…"
Will nodded in understanding. Jay being hurt was killing the young officer. He was told by Hailey that Vanessa believed it was her fault.
She continued after pulling in a shaky breath. "I didn't realize he didn't have the button…he couldn't…he didn't…"
Will rounded the bed and even though he didn't know Vanessa well, he knew Jay looked at her like a little sister, 'you ever tell her I said that I will lock you in the cage.'
He enveloped her in a Halstead hug, patting her back and letting her get it all out.
XXXXXXX
Every time Jay woke up and had a modicum of awareness, his head automatically rolled to his right…searching for Vanessa in the chair. She was always there but this time she wasn't and his heart hitched, believing that she hadn't lived after all, that he had been drifting in a hopeful lie.
Will immediately saw what was happening and tried unsuccessfully to talk his little brother through it but Jay didn't calm down until Vanessa returned and put her hand on his cheek, turning his head to her…
He blinked at her and weakly wrapped his hand around her little wrist, "Vanessa…"
"Ya Jay. I'm here. I'm okay."
He slowly sucked in a breath as his eyes fluttered closed, hand dropping from her wrist, assured she was okay…hoping she was okay and it wasn't a dream.
X
She was looking down, picking her fingernails as tears tracked down her face. She was overwhelmed with guilt and it was becoming harder and harder to hold, leaking out in copious amounts of tears only to make space for more guilt.
His eyes fluttered open and although he felt the pain vibrating through his body, it was a low frequency, dulled by the heavy duty pain meds they were pumping into him.
As he got his bearings, he heard sniffing next to him and saw Vanessa lost in her own world of guilt. He wished he could take it from her. He vaguely remembered her apologizing and knew her guilt would be heavy until he got out of there.
Setting his own overwhelming guilt aside for not protecting her, he whispered her name when she hadn't noticed he was awake. It wasn't until he brushed his fingers against her jaw that her eyes found his and her tears fell in earnest.
He still didn't have much of a voice, but he needed her to understand it wasn't her fault.
Lightly brushing her chin again, he tried to make his voice strong, but it was nothing more than a whisper, "Not your fault Vanessa. Okay? It's not."
She wanted to argue, but she could see he was in pain, so she nodded her head.
Vanessa did a lot of undercover, was good at it, but here, she sucked. "V…"
"Okay, I know…okay…"
He huffed and pushed the button to the PCA. Vanessa was stubborn, probably why she was such a good fit in the unit. He let himself drift off to sleep knowing his stubbornness trumped hers. He would win the argument later.
XXXXXXX
He woke up with a groan and before he even opened his eyes he could feel the warmth of Vanessa's hand on his own.
"Vanessa…Vanessa…" he whispered.
When she didn't answer he forced his eyes open, blinking the blur away only to have it immediately return, tears the cause this time.
Vanessa was in front of him, laying in a puddle of puke and blood, eyes half open but void of any spark of life. He didn't need to take her pulse but did anyway, twisting his hand, searching…searching for proof of life in her wrist and finding nothing. More tears flowed and he called her name again, this time not to wake her up but in anguish; knowing he hadn't protected her and now she was gone.
X
Will sighed as he watched his little brother's head weakly toss back and forth, fingers twitching on the bed as he reached out for an invisible entity.
"Jay…Jay…"
He ran his hand through his little brothers hair, glad he had sent Vanessa to get something to eat. This wasn't the first nightmare Jay's had and she didn't need to witness another.
Everyone of them resulted in Vanessa not surviving the attack. Jay would wake with a start, tears leaking from his eyes, calling her name, his anguish palpable before he passed out again an 'I'm sorry' riding his exhale. More often than not, Will thought it was guilt not pain that sent his little brother back to oblivion.
Once again, Jay was gone so quickly from the waking world he wasn't able assure him Vanessa was okay. And even though he wasn't sure if Jay heard him, he assured his sleeping brother that Vanessa was okay…that he had saved her…them.
He knew they would be repeating this scenario again. It was an endless cycle of that Vanessa and Jay rode. Their guilt was a festering wound and no one, except each other could alleviate the pain of it and that would take some time.
X
Later that night the team arrived for their daily visit with news they had wrapped the case.
Voight looked directly at Vanessa, "Case is wrapped. All three are in custody. They still don't know you're cops. They thought you were trying to impinge on their territory."
Jay was drugged out but able to follow the conversation - the case was over. But details were lost in his addled mind until Voight dropped a welcomed truth bomb.
"Vanessa, Manny didn't set you guys up. He was a victim in this as much as you and Jay were."
So focused on Jay and his recovery, Vanessa hadn't even begun to mourn her friend, unsure how to mourn someone she thought had betrayed her. The news tweaked her sorrow for the loss of Manny but also alleviated the pain that her friend had betrayed her.
She took a shuddering breath and looked at Jay, letting her guilt ebb a little now that she knew the truth of it.
The corner of Jay's mouth twitched in a half smile as their eyes met and he squeezed her hand. He was hopeful Vanessa could let go of the guilt now and not feel responsible for what happened. He squeezed her hand again, silently encouraging her to let it go.
However, the new fact of the matter did nothing for his guilt. He still felt he should have done better, should have protected her.
He pushed the button for his pain meds. His guilt forcing his physical pain to the surface. He didn't meet anyone's eyes, just let his own flutter closed. He needed to escape the cold reality of his failure for just a little while.
Everyone in the room had seen the two differing reactions to the new information. Voight sighed. Vanessa was on the right path, guilt slipping away but Jay's they would have to work on and knowing Jay as he did, it would be an uphill battle.
He exchanged a look with Hailey where she sat next to Jay with her hand on her partner's forearm. Voight knew about their 'thing,' knew it had saved their asses time and time again and had no doubt it would work again especially since he knew Vanessa would invite herself to the party.
XXXXXXX
2 Days later
They wanted to get Jay up and moving before they discharged him. At this point he had been taking trips to bathroom but that was as far as he had gone, as far as he wanted to go…walking was a bitch.
So after this morning's semi solo trip to the restroom, he had graduated to a walk in the hall. Vanessa announcing enthusiastically that she would be his walking buddy.
Jay smirked at Vanessa's declaration and then scowled as the nurse put non-slip socks on his feet. He was already in sweats and a t-shirt. There was no way in hell he was walking anywhere in a hospital gown, but those damn socks…
They hadn't gone far, maybe twenty feet from his room before turning around to head back. Jay had one hand on the IV pole and the other on the rail of the wall, slightly bent with a permanent wince on his face.
Vanessa walked silently beside him. She knew he was concentrating on taking one pained step at a time, which tweaked the fumes of guilt that still lingered.
She was lost in those guilt tinged thoughts when she heard the quiet, "Vanessa…Vanessa…"
Looking up at Jay then, she was practically bowled over by the pain radiating from him. He started to go down…hand sliding down the IV pole on his decent, only to lose his grip when he hit the PCA box.
Jay was a big guy, especially compared to Vanessa, and it took all of her strength to bring him down sitting ass to heels instead of face to floor. Leaning him against the wall and gently holding him in place with a crooked hug, she screamed for help and even though she practically yelled in his ear, Jay didn't even react.
Living in a world of hurt, Jay was unaware of the action swirling around him, he breathed in and out through his nose trying not to pass out, eyes scrunched closed as the pain rolled through his body in waves.
A nurse and orderly came running and with minimal help from Jay, got him into a wheelchair while Vanessa anxiously supervised, not taking her eyes off him as he groaned and winced at the movements.
Keeping her hand on Jay's shoulder as they rolled him back to his room, her heart leapt into her throat when his body sagged and his chin hit his chest just as they crossed the threshold, his body finally succumbing to the pain.
Vanessa watched from the end of the bed as Jay's nurse arrived and together with the other nurse and orderly, moved a floppy, unconscious Jay back into bed.
While changing his IV, the nurse was quietly scolding an unconscious Jay for walking farther than she authorized, surprising Vanessa that there was a limit to the length of the walk.
Even though she had tears in her eyes as she looked at her unconscious coworker, she stated the obvious to anyone who knew Jay, "Figures he would push himself too far."
The nurse chuckled, "…think it's a Halstead thing."
Lips tweaking in a sad smile, Vanessa's worry overwhelmed her, "Did he hurt himself? Is something wrong? He was getting better. He…"
The nurse smiled at Jay's sidekick, "He didn't hurt himself and everything is status quo. His IV infiltrated so he hasn't been getting his pain meds."
"Oh…okay…"
The nurse touched her shoulder as she left the room, "It's okay sweetie. He'll be fine."
She nodded absentmindedly, eyes not leaving Jay. His face was still a mixture of yellow, green, black and blue bruises, but he looked peaceful.
She shook herself out of her stupor and without thinking, pulled the blankets loose that were covering Jay's feet and pulled off the nonslip socks that he despised then tucked his feet in and resumed her watch over Jay from the comfort of the recliner, her hand automatically reaching for his.
X
The next day
"Still feel guilty?"
She shrugged her shoulders. Manny didn't lure them into a trap, but Jay was still hurt because of her. Yes. She still felt guilty.
"No…"
He winced as he sat up straighter, then smirked, "You know I'm a detective right? … and you're a terrible liar, right?"
Harrumphing, she turned the tables. "You still feel guilty?"
Vanessa saw the cloud cross his face before he tucked it away behind his bruised and battered undercover mask.
She expected him to lie but he didn't.
"Ya…" He looked at her and sighed. "Ya…"
Jay couldn't help but feel guilty, it was warranted. He should have protected her and he failed.
She looked him in the eye, "You know, if you hadn't been there…gone with me, I would be dead…"
He knew there was some truth to that but stayed silent, Vanessa had still been hurt. He had still failed her.
"…with a bullet hole between the eyes…just like Manny."
Jay cringed. She said it matter of factly because, yes, it was a fact. She would be dead. He sucked in a breath, a layer of the guilt peeling away as he closed his eyes, grateful he had followed his gut and gone with her that day.
He kept his eyes closed and calmly breathed…in and out, in and out, but that didn't stop the tears from gathering behind his lids and eventually leaking from the corner of his eyes and into his hair as he pushed his head into the pillow.
A tremble ran through him as he thought again what would have happened if he hadn't followed his gut.
Vanessa watched Jay as he tried to calm down and bury the feelings he was trying and failing not to show.
He felt the bed dip by his right hip but kept his eyes closed, guts still twisting on what could have happened.
"I'm okay Jay…you came with me…I'm still here…because of you."
He blew out a breath and opened his eyes giving the tears free rein to fall.
She smiled at him through her own tears and scooched closer when he nodded his head.
Whether he was agreeing with her or giving her the go-ahead to what she wanted Vanessa didn't know, but she leaned forward and hugged him anyway, then loosened her grip a bit when he stiffened and hissed in pain.
"Oh no…sor…"
He chuckled and hugged her back, her head tucked under his chin.
"'t's okay…"
They stayed that way for awhile until the tears leaking from Jay's eyes started to tickle where they dropped into her hair.
She leaned back and rubbed her head with a laugh and watched him rub his eyes with heel of his hands, releasing a quiet but frustrated groan at not being able to dam the tears.
He dropped his hands and swallowed hard, then tweaked one side of his mouth in a half smile as he wiped the tears from her face with his thumb.
"I'm glad you're okay V."
She leaned in for another hug, mindful of his injuries this time, "I'm glad you're okay too."
They held the hug longer this time. Her head against his chest and tucked under his chin. Everything that needed to be said was said.
"You know…"
"You're still not driving my truck, V."
End
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Okey dokey. Thar it tis! I hope you enjoyed it. I'm not sure who is coming next but I have been writing bits and pieces of my Adam&Jay chapter and my Kevin&Jay chapter.
Thanks again for reading and for all your comments, reviews and kudos. You guys are the bombdiggity! Stay safe peeps!
