I decided to take some time from college. I couldn't take some time from my job because I had bills to pay but busying myself with both didn't seem feasible anymore. I actually dreaded going out of my room thinking of the possibility of meeting Alec if I left the house. I couldn't imagine what our interactions would be like after what he did, I didn't know how I could be in his presence anymore but it was unlikely he would leave me alone considering his behaviour so I prepared myself for the next time we met as best as I could.
When would he be leaving? He said he wouldn't be in town for very long but he never said for how long he was staying. If he was leaving soon then what was the point of wrecking my life in such a way? I would definitely turn down any job offer he could have for me after what happened, I would not leave the country with him after what he put me through and I didn't think he would be counting on that.
But then I thought about the first conversation we had, just as he arrived. He said the offer was unrefusable and I started to ask myself if that really meant it was too good to be turned down or if it meant I wouldn't be allowed to do so.
I could be in much more trouble than I first realised.
I showered and went to my university to see if I could drop my classes but the period for doing that was already over. I knew there was a chance that I would have to choose between giving up on them and failing everything or finishing the semester through blood and tears to keep my grades. Knowing myself I would probably choose the second option if it came to it.
I walked to campus and noticed the sun might be setting when I went back home depending on how long I took to get everything sorted out. I got increasingly anxious about that but fought the urge to stop and turn back. I couldn't hide inside my house forever and there was no guarantee that I was even safe in there.
It took some time. I was allowed to drop some classes but not all. It was better than none, so I was somewhat satisfied when I left as it meant less weight on my shoulders. The sun had set when I left the building and I walked back home in the dark with no incidents, which was a relief but also got me wondering if I would see Alec again. If he didn't take that opportunity to corner me perhaps he was not around.
I felt quite miserable. I thought of Luke since he left my room, if he hurt as much as I did. I missed feeling comfortable around Alec, I worried about the delay to get my degree, I hated that I had to keep working at the bar. I longed to go see Luke and beg for forgiveness, especially knowing he would probably forgive me if I did. I wondered if he would ever want to see me again if I just left him be or if he would try to reach out to me after what I told him. I dragged myself through the entrance hall of my house hunched with sorrow, as if holding the firmament like Atlas himself.
When I got back to my room Alec was waiting for me inside, right by the door.
His hand flew to my mouth to muffle my scream. He quickly closed the door behind me and pushed me against it so I wouldn't try to turn around. I started hyperventilating and he slowly, very carefully, removed his hand from me.
"Be quiet. I will not hurt you."
I took very deep breaths but did not manage to calm myself. He stayed very close to me, probably to prevent me from escaping, and his smell was already getting to me again. I was getting dizzy and had no way to distance myself from him.
He was dressed all in black. Shirt and trousers as usual but that time he wore a necklace, a heavy pendant adorned with a crest and a letter V hanging from a chain around his neck.
"How the fuck did you get in here?"
"Irrelevant." He took half a step back but did not give me more space than that. I breathed in to get clean air but he was still too close, I couldn't quite think clearly yet. Did he know the effect his proximity had on me and used it to his advantage?
"Beg to differ. You broke into my room undetected, that is absolutely relevant information."
He smirked but otherwise ignored me.
"I came to apologise for my behaviour." He said instead, looking suddenly both sad and ashamed.
"You're sorry?"
I expected him to apologise eventually. I did not expect it so soon and I didn't think he would seem so sincere. He looked very much his age at that moment, like he was waiting for me to scold him. He did not look intimidating at all, he just looked like a boy who knew he made a mistake and was humbly asking for forgiveness. I couldn't see any trace of the monster I had seen in that walk to my house.
I was too soft, I felt sorry for him.
"I lost my temper. It will not happen again, please consider forgiving me. I treasure you too much, it would be a great loss to me to be deprived of your friendship."
It was such a stark contrast that even in my haze I felt something was a little off.
"You didn't mean what you said about Luke?" I asked hopefully. He raised his eyebrows.
"Oh, I have confused you. No, I meant every word."
"Then what the fuck are you sorry about?"
I started to get exasperated and raised my voice. He tilted his head and frowned.
"Not so loud. Your friends will hear us."
I don't care, I hope they do.
"I am sorry that I was rude to you and I am sorry that I have scared you" he explained "I don't want you to fear me, I want you to trust me. Believe me when I tell you that will not happen again."
I analysed his expression carefully. He was so different from the last time I had seen him but he sounded so honest. It might be just because I wanted to put it behind us, it might be that he had incredible acting skills but I felt like I could forgive him.
He didn't retreat from his threats to Luke though, so how could I even attempt to go back to normal with him?
"I can't forgive you if you really meant what you said about hurting Luke. I had to break up with him and he was devastated."
"Was he now?" He said indifferently. I felt like slapping him.
" Yes . And so am I. Why do you even bother to ruin my life before you go back home? You will be done here and I will have to pick up the pieces of everything you destroyed, and for what?"
"You will get the job. Nothing you have here will matter then."
"What is even this job? Maybe I don't even want it."
"You want it."
He unclasped his necklace and offered it to me.
"I am giving you this because I have faith in you. You would get one of your own when you passed the test but I am giving you mine. This is how much I believe in you." I instinctively opened my hand to receive it. It slipped through my fingers but I caught it before it reached the floor. "It's very important to me so please be careful with it."
That last part felt like a reprimand but I refrained from commenting on it.
That was not how I was expecting our encounter to go but I was glad he wasn't violent anymore. It infuriated me that he was so unbothered about threatening Luke and causing our break up but the fact that he wanted to be forgiven for scaring me gave me hope that I could get around that. I considered finally doing what Natalia was so adamant that I did, I thought it wouldn't be that dangerous to tell Luke the entire version of what happened when I kissed Alec.
I looked at the necklace. It seemed very expensive, I wished he had not entrusted me with something so valuable because I didn't feel I could be careful enough. I moved to get past him and go to my desk to put it in one of its drawers but he didn't give me passage.
"I'm just going to put it in my drawer, I'm not jumping out of the window to run from you."
He stepped aside reluctantly.
When I opened the drawer I saw a few of the hardcover journals I bound earlier that month. I had forgotten about them with all the recent confusion. One of them I had made for Alec, I've even engraved his name on the leather of the cover, but I was unsure about giving it to him after what happened. I considered it for a few seconds while holding his necklace and decided to give it to him. It was already finished, I had made it specially for him and he had just given me something important to him. It couldn't hurt.
"I have something for you too" I put the necklace inside the drawer and took the journal "I don't know if you deserve a gift, but it's finished so you might as well have it."
He took it from my hand and examined it, feeling the leather with his fingers. It was very plain and simple, black with silver metal corner protectors and his name. The paper inside was thick and cream coloured and there was nothing written on it except for the very first page where I put "from Marina" on the bottom right corner.
"You made it yourself?"
"I did."
" For me ."
"For you."
He looked back at me like he was never given anything so amazing. There was something else in his expression that I couldn't figure out, something intense and unfamiliar.
"Thank you."
I shrugged. I remembered the expectation I had while I put it together, imagining if he would like it and felt that he ruined it by acting so horribly before I finally gave it to him. I wasn't happy that he appreciated it, I was sour. He didn't deserve it, he should face consequences for his actions but one sad look from him was enough to make my heart melt and I hated him for it.
The filthy adorable piece of shit.
"I am leaving the country tonight" he announced, catching me completely by surprise.
"You're leaving now?"
I must have sounded disappointed because he gave me a smug smile.
"I'll be back, you won't even miss me."
He was not done then, but why go home only to come back again? I didn't dare ask and he probably wouldn't have told me anyway. I had a gut feeling that it meant something sinister for me and decided that I would tell Luke everything while Alec was away. I didn't know for how long he would be gone so I intended to go to Luke's house first thing in the morning.
"You never told me and I never asked, but where do you even live?"
I broke the promise I made to myself of never asking him anything personal again but if I wanted to use his time away to do something behind his back it was better to have some idea of how much time he would take to go and return.
He saw right through me as usual and raised one eyebrow.
"Don't think you can sneak around in my absence" he warned me "I will be told of everything you do. My eyes are not the only ones on you."
Well, fuck.
"You people are creeps" I let out before I could help myself. "It sounds like you're preparing to kidnap me."
He laughed and took my hand. I recoiled in reflex but he held it tightly.
"I just might. You are too good, I should lock you away."
"As if you could."
He smiled mischievously and I shivered. There was something he was purposefully keeping from me and it amused him to see me so unaware of it.
But I had a wild guess about what it could be.
"I will go now." He let go of my hand and reached for the doorknob but gave me one last look before he left. "Behave."
He vanished. I didn't see him opening the door or leaving the room. I blinked a few times but he was really gone, in a heartbeat and without a sound.
Fuck going to Luke in the morning, I had to go right away.
