05 • You're Not My Dad

One would think that'd it be hard to form familial bonds when you remember having another family. They wouldn't be wrong, per se, but they also wouldn't be right. Case in point: my first family was a bag of shit.

The Shimura Family, my current family, is much better in comparison. And due to such, one would also think that I'd be amicable to keep the family together.

They would be completely wrong.

If I don't like something, then I don't like something. Simple as that, no 'if's, 'and's, or 'but's about it. Emotions and bonds have absolutely no say in the matter. There's also taking into account that I'm one Cynical Bitch - capital letters and all.

It isn't hard for me to see the negatives in any and all situations, so it isn't surprising to find myself biting my cheek in an effort to stop myself from systematically tearing apart every point in Hana's speech-essay-thing.

It's a school project meant to make students talk more about themselves and family. Students can complete it in any way they see fit — family tree, slideshow, story, essay, speech, whatever. Hana, so very enthusiastically I'd like to add, decided she'd preach about her family in some speech that's formatted like an essay.

Right now, she's reading it aloud to everyone in the living room for practice and review. Gran and Gramps are cooing, Mother is proudly smiling, Tenko is beaming with an embarrassed flush to his face, and Father- well he isn't here.

See the problem yet?

Everyone has their flaws, it's what makes them human, and I can't fault them for that. But there are some flaws that can be so easily improved upon, that it's annoying to see.

Father isn't really around. Oh, he's home alright, but he's locked up in his office more often than not. The only time I really see him is during dinner and even then he's reading some papers and staying out of the conversations.

Now, this is something I could easily accept and leave the man alone.

But then there are the times when he is around and imposes his "head of the house" position. The times where he fixes his rules on us and quickly angers when seeing them broken. The times he ignores Mother and forgets special holidays and dates. The times where he practically insults Gran and Gramps' methods of interacting with my siblings and I. The times where he coldly criticizes anything Hana does. The times where he drags Tenko, my little twin brother, by the arm to spit a lecture into his face.

The times where he, indirectly, harms and threatens the family.

Oh the man has his good moments, I wouldn't exactly call him Father otherwise. It isn't abuse, not exactly (I know what abuse is - have seen and been victim to different forms of abuse), but it also isn't him simply being strict. It's a thin, shaky balance between the two. Mother loves the man, Gran and Gramps respect him, Hana and Tenko also love and respect him, but…

Hana and Tenko are afraid of the consequences that come from breaking one of the man's rules. So long as the rules are followed, everything about the household and family is fine. Which makes it all so wrong. It's opposition of the smallest degree; cutting off specific career paths at the very beginning, stopping thoughts on certain topics from expanding, nudging and shuffling things to fit a mold.

It sounds bad but it doesn't look bad, making it all the harder to vent my frustrations. I'd be accused of blowing things out of proportion should I ever bring it up, of seeing things in a negative light just because I don't like the man - and maybe I am! Maybe I am being excessively negative and pessimistic, but better to expect the worst than be caught off guard, right?

So, as Hana wraps up her speech and smiles brightly at the family, I can only lean back in my seat, cross my arms, and look away. Because for all that I am a pessimist, I know better than to lash out at others and berate them for not seeing what I see.

It's still super fucking annoying to hear them talk.

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Tenko is practically vibrating in excitement and, as amusing as it is, it's also really exhausting to keep up with him. For all that I am now a child and should realistically have the same energy levels as one, I am over thirty mentally and everyone knows that the mental state affects the physical state.

And, being mentally over thirty, I don't really get excited about birthdays - especially not my own. I stopped tracking how old I was as soon as I reached thirty, and all I can really remember was that it had been a few years since that point. I don't really see the appeal to celebrating something that I was hated for - being born.

Oh, sure, it's different in this life, but old habits die hard. You can't just decide to change a mentality, it doesn't work that way. Which is why it's beginning to get really annoying and exhausting having to put up with the family's celebrating mood.

I think living a civilian life, without any real strife, is starting to get to me. I can get away with a lot of things in this world filled with Quirks, but there are some things that aren't right for a child to know or enjoy. It's not right for a child to be so vulgar, or take pleasure in thinking up and describing the most gruesome things. It's not right for a child to think of violence as just another option, a tool to use to get what they want. It's not right for a child to jump up and cheer when the villain (in the news, movies, comics, storybooks etc.) comes close to winning, or whine and complain about their idiocy while explaining the different ways they could have won.

Tenko doesn't mind it, seeing it as one of my little quirks (ha), but I've noticed the looks Mother has passed me, heard the concerned murmurs Gran and Gramps share, seen how Hana shifts uncomfortably in my presence sometimes. It doesn't hurt, no, I don't share any true affection for these people or feel any deep bonds with them - the only one that can claim either is Tenko and I practically raised the boy.

It's just..tiresome, to have to reign in my normal habits and tendencies just to have a chance at a peaceful life. Which is a stupid thought process, I'll admit. I lived, survived, and fucking thrived in a life filled of blood, betrayal, manipulation, cruelty. Thinking this new life could be a new life, a new start, a clean slate, a second chance was beyond naive and draft on my part, but never let it be said that I don't at least try.

Why I try, I don't really know, but I've never been one to dig too deep into my own feelings or reasoning.

I can only blink slowly, an exhaustion unbefitting of a five-year-old on my shoulders, and trudge up a smile as Tenko wraps his arms around me, shouting his glee in my ear. The fact that Fuyumi and Touya, somehow, got permission to attend our small celebration definitely adds to my twin's excitement.

"-and Fuyumi said that they might bring their little brother!"

"That so?" I hum, allowing my brother to pull me into the living room where the main decorations have been set up. "What nickname should I give the little bugger? Oh, maybe that can be his nickname, what do you think?"

He laughs, but to be honest, it's more of a cross between an exasperated sigh and groan of frustration. "You can't call him that if you haven't even seen him, Nee-chan!"

"Ah," I mutter, nodding my head as if I've just had an epiphany. Tenko immediately looks back at me suspiciously. "You're right." He stops, turning to fully face me and crossing his arms in the process while narrowing his eyes. We stand there for a few tense seconds before a slow contemplating frown stretches across my face. "What if he doesn't look like a bugger?"

"Rena!" He complains, throwing his arms up but begins laughing as he lets it process. "You can't..haha..don't let Fuyumi hear you say that, she'll lecture you again..haha."

Ugh, Fuyumi's Lectures are so mind numbingly boring. I understand the good intentions behind them but the way she presents her argument just makes me tune out within the first two minutes and they can last forever! With an ability to lecture like that, there's no doubt in my mind that she'll become a good teacher.

"Yeah, yeah," I mutter in turn, grabbing him by the shoulders to turn around and push forwards. "Go play with Mon in dirt if you're gonna fall over laughing."

He can only weakly slap my hands in response.

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We do not, in fact, get to meet Touya and Fuyumi's little brother. Tenko is pretty disappointed about that but quickly shakes it off as he drags Elsa off to introduce her to our dog. Touya decided he's better off sticking by me after he greeted the rest of the family. It was a little odd to see him act polite and closed off after getting to know him as a sarcastic little shit. It's off-putting enough to make Hana stay close to Tenko and Fuyumi. She never knows what to do when another child doesn't take to her friendly personality.

"You look like shit," I helpfully inform the red-head when it's just the two of us sitting in the corner. It's not untrue, for all that Touya looks like he always does, there's a..blankness behind his eyes that's concerning.

He snorts derisively, staring at his sister happily interacting with Mon. "I take offense to that. Mom picked out this outfit, I think it's rather nice," he deflects.

I don't bother hiding my stare, taking careful note of everything in his expression and body language. It's easy to see that he's tense, like he's caged and backed into a corner. He isn't bristling in angry-fear, more like he's cautious, knowing that there's no threat but that there could be.

He doesn't look my way, but it's easy to tell that my stare is beginning to annoy and unnerve him. Humming, I turn away and allow the matter to drop. Instead, I nudge him with my elbow and tilt my head in the direction of the snacks when he glances over. He blinks, confused, but follows along.

Grabbing one of the water bottles laid out, I shove it into his hands. "I won't push," I tell him bluntly, needing to get that out of the way and have him understand what I'm doing. "But that doesn't change the fact that you look like shit so drink up and go lay down."

He blinks down at the water in his hands, eyes wide in surprise when he looks up at me. The tension slowly eases out of his shoulders as he nods. "Alright," he murmurs, allowing me to push him towards the only loveseat, just large enough for him to lay down on.

I sit myself close, glancing over at my siblings and Fuyumi. They're moving out into the backyard to play, with Mother cheerfully following along. Gran and Gramps are sitting down at the table by the kitchen. Father is...nowhere to be seen, surprise surprise.

Touya snorts and I look over, confused. He's staring at me, a sarcastic smile pulling at his lips and a mischievous light in his eyes.

"Has anyone ever told you," he begins, drawing out his words and I narrow my eyes suspiciously as his smile grows wider, "that you're such a mother-hen, Rena-chan?"

My eye twitches as a smile of my own forms on my lips. The little shit. When I was trying to be nice, he goes and does this. "You must be sicker than I thought," I stand up from my seat, grabbing a pillow nearby. "Maybe all this light is giving you a headache. Here, allow me to cover your face for you."

"Crap!" He shoots out of his seat, tripping over himself in an attempt to escape. "That's no way to treat guests, don't you know, Rena-chan?"

"Then it's a good thing you're a patient, not a guest," I retort as I chase after him.

Short of killing the reason for the blankness behind Touya's eyes (I suspect his Father, that redhead brick shithouse), chasing after him with a pillow is certainly one way of bringing Ariel out of the shell he's hidden himself away in.

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Staring off to the side and tuning out the lecture that's furiously being given to me, I resist the urge to grab the closest sharpest object and stab the closest person (a pen and my Father, respectively).

If I was being lectured on something remotely important, then maybe I'd pay some attention. As it is, I'm being yelled at for winning a hero-themed stationary packet from school. It was a random ass prize I got for being smart. Literally. I was rewarded for getting perfect scores on basically all the assignments and activities (barring my "attitude problem," of course) my class has ever done.

The winning thing isn't what I'm being yelled at for though. Oh no. I'm being yelled at for bringing it home. Whether I wanted the shit or not, it's mine now and I ain't about to just throw it away without a perfectly good reason.

And no, Father's "no heroes" rule is not a good reason in the slightest.

"-Rena. Rena! Rena!" I blink, looking up at Father's glaring expression before looking away to yawn. "You weren't listening," he mutters under his breath like a statement, leaning back to take a deep breath.

It's a bit amusing so I very helpfully, and freely, admit, "Not one bit."

"Why do you insist on defying the very simple rules I have in this household?" He questions more to himself than to me.

I snort, crossing my arms to close off the stabbing temptation. "You say 'simple' and I say 'stupid'," I answer, quickly continuing when I see him about to retort. "No, listen. The entire fucking world is basically obsessed with heroes - it's in the news, cartoons, on the fucking cereal boxes, they're everywhere! And you, quite impossibly, want none of that in the house? I'm five for fucks sake, adults are going to give me shit that's advertised for kids my age and guess what? That means heroes!"

"That doesn't mean you couldn't have thrown it away or handed it off to someone else," he sensibly argues back, momentarily not chiding me for my language.

"Oh grow the fuck up! It's just paper and pens! What's so goddamn offensive about paper and pens!?" I shout back, quickly getting fed up with his large dislike for something that is everywhere. "And you damn well know I don't like any of the other little shits in my class, like hell I was gonna give something I earned to them!" Okay so maybe I didn't earn it but...meh, I'm possessive.

"Don't take that tone with me," he intones coldly, swiftly getting serious in his anger.

"Then stop being such an idiot," I don't hesitate to snap back.

It's silent for a moment, just the two of us glaring at each other in the hallway. It's almost sundown, dinner's supposed to be soon but guessing from the perfect silence of the house, Mother worried too much to properly start. Gran and Gramps should be in the living room with Mon. And-

"Out."

I pause, raising a brow in disbelief.

"Go to the backyard and stay there until dinner is over."

This motherfucker.

I don't bother responding. Why say anything to someone that isn't going to bother to listen? Instead, I silently make my way to the back door, opening and closing it softly.

"He wants me out of the house, does he? Fucking fine. I'm out the house," I whisper angrily as I make way to the wall surrounding the backyard.

Pulling various objects around, I pile them up to be a somewhat stable platform. Climbing up the makeshift platform, I carefully pull myself up and over the wall. I glance back at the house once, noting the closed curtains of the back door, before slipping down the wall.

I'll be back by dinner.

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I walked around the neighborhood enough times to properly memorize it before I headed over to the nearby park. While Father, Mother, Gran, Gramps, and I were all inside the house, Hana and Tenko were at the park.

I haven't seen much of either of them the entire (not counting school of course). Earlier in the morning, Hana had dragged Tenko off to show him something. Then at school, Tenko was too distracted to properly interact with anyone. And after school I was dragged off to be lectured while waving him off to go play. He doesn't like being at the end of Father's anger, but he hates it when it's me instead.

Reaching the park only showed that it's nearly empty and my siblings must have already made their way back. So, sighing, I had settled myself on one of the swings to wait for a couple of hours.

Now I'm here, making my way back home in the dark.

Spotting the house from just down the block, I grimace at seeing the lights on. So basically running away wasn't my greatest idea. In my defense, I'm used to moving wherever I want, whenever I want. And, being so frustrated and annoyed, it was best for everyone that I leave or else someone would have seriously been hurt.

Reaching the front door, I don't bother knocking and instead begin picking the lock. Hopefully, my absence hasn't been noticed and I was slink into the backyard to wait to be allowed back inside. Dinner should be going on right now anyways, so it shouldn't be too long of a wait.

Carefully sliding inside the house and closing the door, I frown. It's quiet, way too quiet. The tv should be on and playing one of the shows Gran loves so much or the radio should be on as everyone eats together.

Tense and wary, I quietly make my way deeper into the house. My eyes narrow and my fists clench as I peek into the living room. The tv is off, and looking across into the kitchen shows no one around.

Shit, did someone break in? Did they leave the house? Fuck, what about Tenko and Hana? Mon isn't anywhere around either, he's always indoors unless playing.

Moving forward, I flick my gaze around slowly for anything out of the ordinary. It's as I'm getting closer to the hall that I notice something. I can hear the outside, as if a door or window is open which neither should be. Then there's the smell..

Fuck, fuck, shit.

I freeze as I spot the backdoor wide open, curtains blowing in the wind. I inhale sharply and grit my teeth. That's most certainly blood, and a lot of it too. It's been a few years and a new body, but it's rather hard to forget what so much blood smells like, especially when it's being carried through the wind.

I strain my hearing for any sounds of someone or something but there's nothing-

"AHHHHH!"

"Tenko!" I bolt, eyes wide as I push away the curtain to get outside only to stumble at the sight and smell.

Tenko sits in the middle of the backyard, the ground is cracked and turned up, and blood everywhere. It's just a pool of blood, random limbs scattered here and there and Tenko is sitting in the middle of it screaming.

"Tenko!" I shout again, rushing forward through the blood and over limbs to reach him. He's pulling at his hair, hunched over his lap, and he won't stop screaming.

I slide the last few steps on my knees, blood splashing around me as I grab my brother's wrists and try to gently move them away.

"Tenko, hey, Tenko. It's me, it's Rena," I whisper urgently, "Come on, let go, you'll hurt yourself. It's gonna be alright, I'm here, I'm here."

I hiss in dissatisfaction as he doesn't seem to hear me. Letting go of his wrists, I reach down and grab his face, forcefully but gently pulling him up to look at me. He chokes on his scream in the process, breath stuttering as his eyes snap up to meet mine, wild fear dancing in his red eyes.

I don't react to the blood on his face but I do take note of the marks around his eyes. They had been growing the past few months and no medicine has helped lessen them. And now they're so pronounced, looking like scratch marks crossed with crust.

I know the moment he recognizes me because immediately he's letting go of his hair and latching onto me. His blood covered hands garb the front of my jacket which starts disintegrating.

I grab his wrists and push his hands away, staring dumbly at the ruined remains of my jacket. I look up when I feel Tenko shaking in my hands. He's staring horrified at my jacket, eyes flickering around and puzzle pieces seemingly fitting together in his mind.

He flinches away, a sob clogging his throat. I don't let go of his wrists when he begins to try and pull away. Can only watch in confusion as he shakes his head and trembles.

"Tenko? Hey, can you hear me?" I ask quietly. "Hey, listen to me, okay? I'm right here, I'm not going to go anywhere. I need you to listen, you're starting to hyperventilate. Come on, breathe with me. In, 2, 3, 4, 5. You can do it. Out, 2, 3, 4, 5. That's it. In, 2, 3, 4, 5. Out, 2, 3, 4, 5."

He sobs, leaning forward despite how desperately he was trying to get away. Lowering his wrists from how high I was holding them away, I carefully bring his hands together.

I'm going to go off on a limb here (bad choice of words), and say that Tenko's quirk came. I'm also going to guess that it has something to do with his hands since I'm only holding his wrists and nothing else has happened.

Gently grabbing both wrists in one hand, I place the other on his shoulder, pausing to watch his reaction. Still sobbing, he leans in my touch and I wrap my arm around his shoulders, shifting so I can pull him into my side. He turns his head to hide his face in my shoulder but doesn't try to get out of my hold.

Being so close to my ear, I can hear him whisper brokenly to himself, "I'm sorry..sorry..my fault..sorry..Mom..Hana.."

Withholding a sigh, I lean my head on his and stare at our surroundings. I never thought I'd see so much blood, carnage, in this life. I especially never thought Tenko would be there to see it too, much less be the reason for it.

I close my eyes after catching sight of a small hand with a bracelet tangled between the fingers, a larger slimmer hand with a wedding ring, another one but distinctly male, then a pair of wrinkled hands holding each each other.

Back by dinner, huh? I should have been here sooner.

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This wasn't what I planned to happen but then it happened

Did you expect that?

Rena's quirk comin in the next chapter - any guesses?