A/N: For Christmas this year, I have asked for and recieved the games Halo Infinite, Far Cry 6 and Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl for the XBOX ONE, as well as the Spongebob Squarepants board game Eels and Escalators, which I enjoyed playing, on Christmas Day. Unfortunately, the Mario Party Superstars game for the Nintendo Switch that I asked for ran out during Christmas, so on Boxing Day, I managed to purchase one copy via shipping. No luck once again trying to ask for the XBOX Series X due to the console shortage going on during the pandemic, so best of luck for next year's Christmas holiday in 2022. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter since afterwards I might take a short hiatus while planning a secret Critique Universe one-shot slated before the end of 2021.

P.S.: The next review episode after the Season 3 premiere may not only be released after my possible short hiatus, but will have a timeskip from November 2020 to March or April 2022.


Team RWBY's Commentary of Spawn (Part 2 - Final)

"So Sheen gets a giga-pet attached to his heart, which rigs it, so that his death would set off the virus.", Ruby commenced the second part of the Spawn movie review as she and her three teammates see the surgeon in the film instruct Wynn that when his vital signs flatline, then the device will uplink and detonate the heat sixteen bombs that would set the virus; "Bet the surgeon would also add, 'And if you die in an accident, or by natural causes...this is why you get second opinions, right?'", she also said while The Violator watches the surgery happen on television before Ruby asked about The Violator, "Uh, yeah, here's an idea: Why don't you kill him? Or your Nintendo 64 devil, or any of his followers? Why does Spawn have to do it? Nothing about any of this makes any sense. The logistics of this plan are about as solid as Wile E. Coyote's anatomy, and look about as animated!", with the last part of her sentence referring to Malebolgia's CG animation in the film.

Yang next described, "Meanwhile, Spawn returns to Blue Lightning Valley, where, big surprise, he gets a little pissed off at the clown.", watching the excerpt of Spawn berating at The Violator while the latter was grabbed by the throat, causing the four teammates imagined a scene from The Dark Knight where Gambol said 'Enough from the clown!'; Ruby's older sister continued after spectating Spawn shoot The Violator, "He turns into a giant pumpkin head, which, according to 90's logic, means he can't talk anymore, since he can just go...", making growling sounds, "...and, of course, he also loses the personality we've seen throughout the rest of the movie. We mean, why does that kind of thing always happen in these films? Is it just not as intimidating if you hear him go something like, 'FARTS! PORN! CONFUSING CHEERLEADER DANCE! HOW IS MARIO MY FATHER AND ALSO MY BROTHER?!'"

"He beats the crap out of Spawn, but Mr. Sir Knight is there to show him what he must do, even if he is resistant.", Blake abstracts afterwards as they saw Cogliostro chain him up after Spawn asked him if he had a better idea when the former said guns were useless, "I wonder if Spawn would say, 'Yep, yep, that's pretty stupid.', and then Cogliostro can be like, 'I studied the ways of the Woody Woodpecker. Hoo-hoo-ha-ha-ha.'", resuming, "So the Knight decides to teach him how to hone his powers.", as they watch the part with Cogliostro mentoring Spawn to use his powers by using his chains to hit a can, "Well, this is obviously the beginning of a lot of practicing...", and not before seeing Spawn tell him he has to go find Wanda while Cogliostro told him to take care of his powers, "Well, so much for the training montage."

Weiss exclaims, "Come on, that's the best part of any movie, and you're just going to skip it? What the hell's wrong with you?! What if other films did that?! For Rocky, it'd be like if Mickey said, 'Hit the bag!', and as soon as Rocky punches the bag, 'You're good.' Or how about The Empire Strikes Back if Yoda told, 'Lift the rock.', and when Luke does this with the force, 'That's enough.' And what if in The Karate Kid, Mr. Miyagi would say, 'Wax on...', and then a second later he tells Daniel, 'Eh...the rest doesn't matter.'"

"Even when it's explained, it doesn't make sense. Like, what does this mean?", confused the red-black-haired huntress as she and her teammates saw the part again with Cogliostro tell Spawn to take care of his powers or else he'll die if he drains them, "You didn't even explain the dying part very well, and now you're saying his powers can drain! What kind of lame-ass Hell is this?!"

Salem disappointed to the four girls, "It's...unclear. And it's hard to make out, but...let's agree to disagree. Bummed they don't have some kind of Mega Man energy tank lying around for that lame Hell or something like it, since the E stood for Evil..."

"Spawn goes after Wanda, but Keep on Clowning is there to try and stop him.", the leader of team RWBY said, "Ah, he must be using his hell-driving powers to steer the truck.", responding as The Violator was seen trying to shoot Spawn while on the back of the truck he was driving as it was still going, "Ah, he must be using his hell-driving powers to steer the truck. Seriously, does Hell have an instruction book we can read?!", synopsizing thereafter, "But Spawn's vehicle gets dipped Roger Rabbit style, resulting in Violator trying to kill him, and then somehow...this happens.", before spectating The Violator's truck colliding with Spawn after his cape turned into a sharp rod that causing the truck to explode and send The Violator up in the air Darkman/Die Hard-style while saying he'll see Spawn at Wanda's house, "Yeah, I kinda keep forgetting how I work. Sometimes I can fly, sometimes I don't feel pain. I'm really wondering why we hired you if I could do all this stuff anyway!"

The elder sister of Ruby continued, "So Sheen and Violator get to Wanda's house and they hold the family hostage until Spawn gets there.", watching The Violator do a Mask-esque visual effect with his eyes popping out and snake-like tongue sticking out when he and Wynn hold Terry, Wanda and the kids hostage, "Yes, somebody OK'd that effect, folks. I think this movie really underestimates the value of saying no.", while The Violator during the same scene blowed his thumb as it inflates with his face on it and sings an Italian operatic tune while his head deflates just before going back to normal when it popped like a balloon cartoonishly, "I have other leftover effects from The Mask, if you'd like to see 'em.", reacting when a transition shot with Malebolgia was shown before Spawn arrived at the house; Yang then mimicked Spawn, "Uhh, was that meant to be left in? Kind of looked like a editing error... Okay, well, uh, I'm just going to keep walking here. Hope you fix that in post."

"It looks like Sheen kills Wanda, which, of course, is supposed to trick Spawn into killing him. So Spawn then takes the device out of his heart, and destroys it...just new Hell power 361...as it's revealed that Wanda was just a decoy, disguised by Violator.", the female Faunus contemplated while Wynn realizes The Violator set him up while the latter told that his plan was for Spawn to kill him and kickstart the apocalypse; this made the four teammates of RWBY nod, "Yes, we'll rewind that to make sure you heard if correctly.", rewinding to the part where The Violator said 'Kickstart the apocalypse now.', and then asking Salem after they look unimpressed by this scene and glanced at each other in annoyance, "Can we get all of the Grimm to collectively boo with me? We got a feeling that it'd be a pretty epic boo."

Salem answered, "I'm afraid we can't. Plus, ever since I changed into this appearance, my powers to summon Grimm have faded besides my other powers like flight, teleportation and such others, and my control over the Grimm is already failing. But if you want, I can join you four in booing instead. That's already epic as it is, seeing how I'm with you for the time being anyways. I don't see why not."

"Good enough.", Blake replied.

That was when Ruby, Yang, Blake, Weiss and Salem momentarily prepared and took a deep breath, shouting, "BOOOOOOO! BOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"The knight Cogliostro saves the real Wanda, and they follow Violator into Hell. And, yeah, if you thought the effects looked lame before, get a load of this PS1 bullshit.", the black-haired huntress said while they saw the Violator slam Cogliostro into a rock and threw him during the final battle.

The Schnee heiress then pretended as if she was playing a game, "Triangle, triangle, push the triangle! Oh, we need a character with big boobs. This doesn't feel right if there isn't a character with square, pixelated boobs like Lara Croft from Tomb Raider!", and then saw Spawn stab Violator in the neck and presumably killing him, "Oh...so stabbing them in the neck causes them to...explode. By the gods, do I need to take notes? I think mogwais from Gremlins have less rules than this!", also noticing one of the Spawns in Hell acting jittery when Malebolgia confronts Spawn, "What is this guy doing? Did one of the Spawns suddenly have a seizure? They must be like, 'I'm crazy Spawn! I'm crazy Spawn!'", while Spawn and Cogliostro escape Hell as Malebolgia said they won't escape him.

"Oh, drat, he escaped me! I'm a really dumb devil! I put no thought into any of this! ANY OF THIS!", mocked Ruby before realizing during the film's climax, "Oh, no, of course. When you explode into green particles, that just enables you to travel via fireplace, and put yourself together via bookshelf. Everybody knows this about Hell! Or...maybe like in Poltergeist, but who knows?", the climax showing Spawn decapitating The Violator with his chains and warning him that Malebolgia is next, "I'll slow his rendering to Foodfight quality. FOODFIGHT QUALITY!", then skipping to the ending past the aftermath sequence where they saw Spawn sitting on a rooftop with his cape floating, "Don't worry, kids. Blade will be out soon.", just as the movie ended.

Afterwards, when the movie ended, Yang asked, "So now that you know that the movie wasn't popular when it came out, what are your thoughts on it?"

"I think it's The Crow and Darkman's sloppy seconds.", Salem critiqued.

The blonde huntress said, "That's about the size of it!"

Team RWBY then made their overall thoughts of the film;

"The sad thing is, there really is good stuff in it. Leguizamo is kind of fun, the idea is pretty cool, and the makeup in it is friggin' phenomenal.", Ruby summed up.

Yang mentioned, "These are the same people who did Walking Dead and the Evil Dead movies, so we know Spawn and Violator are never gonna look as good as this, which is why it hurts so much when it's mixed in with so many awful effects, and backwards storytelling, and clumsy editing."

"This could've been a really damn cool movie, but even when the fight scenes come up, you care so little about why they're fighting that it becomes so hard to get invested. They also did a Director's Cut, but that did not help fix everything that the movie issued.", Blake verdicted.

Weiss concludes, "It's a shame some really hard work from the costumes and makeup have to be overshadowed by the crappy laziness in other departments. In an age where we love to give sequels to anything, you can see clearly why Spawn stands alone."

"So, you think you'll learn what works and doesn't work when it comes to your path to redemption?", Ruby asks while Salem finishes up the notes on her notepad she had been writing on, ripping off the paper and saving the notes.

Salem answered, "I think so. I know it's going to take some true, but I will get there. If I'm going to turn over a new leaf, I'm going to do it my way."

"That's the spirit.", proudly told Ruby as she pats Salem on the back, with her, Yang, Blake and Weiss smiling at her as the blonde woman smiled back.

The now-humane Salem realized, "Oh, I almost forgot that I have to bring you back to Beacon. I summoned you girls here for some help earlier, so... I'm sorry about the landing."

"It's okay. We're immortal, so we basically cannot die like you do. We're going to start getting used to it from now on.", the leader of team RWBY accepted.

Salem impressed, "I'll be looking forward to seeing you guys more."

"I know you'll do.", team RWBY said before Salem used her powers to bring RWBY back to Beacon...

And the next thing the four girls knew...

...they were inside the academy by the entrance back in Beacon where they left off.

Yang surprised, "We're back."

"Safe and sound.", Blake commented.

Weiss relaxed, "What a relief."

"After a long journey of saving our friends and our worlds, plus a new change we've seen in Salem, all is well for now. And oh, it was fun. We oughta have Salem visit more often, maybe even make amends with Ozpin while we're at it?", planned Ruby.

Yang said, "There are still plenty of stuff to do. Thanksgiving is almost here. Christmas to celebrate. Studies to do. More friends to make in the future... What lies ahead, we'll be ready for it. Plus, at least we got a cheque of three million dollars. We could probably have our own summer home, maybe dedicate it to my mother Summer in her memory? Maybe upgrade our dorm and our collection either way?"

"We'll figure it out in time, sis.", Ruby excused.

Then the four of them saw Pyrrha, Nora, Penny and Raven enter the academy to see the four girls.

"Hey, girls.", Pyrrha said, "That was quite a long journey we all had, right?"

Ruby smiled, "Yeah."

"Since the holidays are around the corner and there's still more homework to be done... Get it? Homework?", Nora joked and suggested, snickering, "...Why don't we go on ahead and spend time together along with Jaune and Ren? Since we still have studies to do."

Yang agreed, "No problem.", before turning to Raven, "How did we do, mom?"

"I say your mission was officially accomplished, Yang.", confided Raven, "I am proud of you girls."

Blake said for her teammate, "We all are."

"So what are we waiting for? Time for some congratulations!", Penny delighted.

Weiss told, "Let's go, girls!", as the eight of them then headed off to do their thing.

"This has got to be the best week ever.", imagined Ruby.


A/N: A timeskip will happen for the next review episode, transitioning from November 2020 to March or April 2022.

End of Team RWBY's Commentary of Spawn (1997)

Up Next: Team RWBY's Commentary of The Loud House Movie