Yes, Alec, let's see you squirm for a change.
I couldn't be completely sure of Alec's true feelings for me but if Aro was sincere in our conversation then I had much more in my hands than I had ever dreamed of. He had explained to me how powerful Alec was in regards to his gift and the notion that I had any kind of influence over him just felt even more surreal. If it was true that he was in love with me, if it was not just a trick to make me wish to stay there in that castle and serve the kings forever, then I had much more power than I could ever fathom.
I had to put that to the test.
You can do this, Marina. You can play this game too.
I was not as sure of that as I had to be to beat him but I had to try. I needed it, I needed to see him crawl .
It was so much more difficult than it looked like in my head.
Catching him with his guard down was absolutely amazing and I would never forget his reaction; the way he tensed and his breath hitched, the sheer incredulity written all over his beautiful features, the fact that he couldn't move not even long after my power stopped working on him...
But it had affected me too and way more than I could afford. I miscalculated, I needed to keep myself in check to get it right and the way I touched him ignited a spark in my core that spread like wildfire. I quickly put some distance between us before I lost myself in him again, like I had done time and time again, and crossed my arms and legs to prevent myself from moving towards him. He fortunately seemed distracted enough to not notice that he was not the only one on the edge of a precipice.
Any little wind would push me down at that moment.
I tried to avoid his touch after that but there was not much I could do if he really went for it. I could only hope to control myself, to consciously breathe at a steady pace and pray that my heart didn't give me away. I needed to get the upper hand in any way possible.
I saw my opportunity when I mentioned Corin and he looked about ready to collapse.
Here it is, the tiny little wound in which I have to shove my finger.
"Corin and I are good friends. There is nothing more besides that."
He was trying to appear calm but I could see it was a facade. I knew him enough by then to see through its cracks, even if I didn't have his advantageous vampire senses.
"Not right now perhaps, but what about before I came along?"
He would be sweating if he could.
"Are you jealous? You don't have to be, I'm all yours. Forever."
My heart got louder and faster in my chest and his smile of satisfaction told me that he noticed it.
Don't let him win, don't back down.
"I don't know about that. You two will keep living in the same building, I should stay away from that mess."
"Nothing will ever happen again, we never harboured romantic feelings for each other." He approached me and I leaned back on the wall behind my bed again, but he kept advancing. He sat back on the bed with me but so much closer that time around that our legs were touching. He hesitantly reached for my hand one more time and I allowed him to take it.
Another miscalculation.
I thought he would just hold it but he brought it to his lips and kissed my knuckles. A very low sigh escaped me and he heard it loud and clear. He smiled mischievously and pressed his mouth against the inside of my wrist, teeth scraping the frail spot.
I could feel little drops of sweat forming on my forehead.
"Come here."
He is trying to distract you, don't let him.
I decided to risk it and did just as he told me. I went to him and watched as he let his guard down again.
Thank God he never learns.
I embraced him, arms snaking over his shoulders, and touched his ear with my lips. I could hear him breathing clearer than ever before, his own face right by my ear and the second it took me to speak seemed to take double the time to pass as I heard him exhaling in slow motion.
Maybe it did.
"I want to be yours" I whispered and his hands found my skin underneath my skirt, sinking into my hips hurtfully, "but I won't risk it."
Corin seemed to be the perfect excuse to keep myself away from him. I had to be strong, I had to resist his misleading angelic face and sad eyes and not feel sorry for the poor hurt little boy he seemed to be.
I was suddenly overtaken by sadness thinking back of how tender our interactions used to be.
It's all poisoned now, all corrupted
His voice lacked the confidence I got so used to, he uttered his words like they were a spell and by wishing them true they would become reality. "You are already mine."
He sounded so hurt, I felt awful. I wanted nothing more than to apologise and make him feel better even though he didn't deserve it. I had to convince myself that I was doing what was right but I was on the edge of the precipice again and he was resolutely pulling me down to fall with him.
Will I always lose? Is this how it will always go if I try to confront him?
No, I was not going to let him. Not anymore.
"I am not ."
He snarled but I was not afraid, I couldn't feel anything but guilt and grief.
"This is torture" his hand went up to my back, his open palm pressed against my spine, "you are torturing me."
Like you tortured Luke?
I didn't dare say it.
"Let me go."
"I don't want Corin, I don't love her." He didn't move, didn't let me move, he held me exactly where I was and I started to question myself. What type of monster was I, doing that to someone else knowingly and willingly?
"...you are as much of a monster as I am. You are just a different breed.
I was just that, he had said it himself.
"I don't believe you, let me go ."
I watched as something grew inside of him, reflected so clearly in his eyes. Something dangerous preparing to burst and explode right in my face.
Is he going to bite me?
I wanted to scream but he anticipated it.
"I am close enough to numb you before you can scream." Sure enough I saw his mist creeping up on me, encircling us.
There was nothing I could do and there was no one around to stop him.
"Alec, you have to let me go. Now ."
"No."
It was awfully glorious to see him like that, disarmed and desperate for my mercy, but it also hurt me because I didn't want to be like that. I wanted to be good and kind like I had always tried to be before him and I wanted to bring forth the good in him, not be dragged in his dirt. In a way I was letting him win.
"... he is just going to drag you in the mud with him instead."
Nat's words kept coming back to me and I finally knew why; Alec did deserve to suffer and pay for what he had done, but I was not the right person to do that. I was the right person to try and fix his broken wings. She had told me to do the exact opposite but it went against everything I stood for.
I was no warrior, I was the lamb.
I sighed heavily and my breath moved the hair covering his eyebrows. He closed his eyes as it hit him and I pushed his hair back affectionately, causing him to loosen his grip on my legs. I brushed my lips against his forehead, leaving the ghost of a kiss on his skin and quickly moved away to admire how his long lashes obscured his cheekbones with faint elongated shadows.
He looks so young and so pure when he is this calm
It was such a beautiful illusion.
"I'm sorry" I managed to say against my strongest instincts. "I just got mad, I don't mean that."
He breathed out as if the air hurt him as it left his lungs. I saw his mist creeping back to him and exhaled heavily with relief as well. The air itself seemed to get lighter as soon as Alec calmed down and I thought of how unfair it was that he had so much power that the very atmosphere changed because of his mood and he didn't even get violent. I could never be tough enough to make him pay, I was simply not up to the task. Even at my feet he would not grovel, he would just bring me down with him until I backed away because I was weaker.
"There is no one else, there is just y ou " his hands moved to my face and he held me against his chest. The fabric of his clothes felt so foreign and strange, I weirdly wondered if they were very expensive.
"Give me time," I pleaded. "You knew it would bother me, I need time to be fine with it."
"I can't. I would miss you too much."
"Don't be a spoilt kid, I am not asking for much."
He is just that, isn't he? A spoilt child with way too much power in his hands, who doesn't have to take no for an answer. Not from me at least.
"I can give you time, but I have to see you. I won't touch you for a while."
I looked up at him. "No. That's not giving me time, I need time away from you."
All the emotion he was showing suddenly disappeared from his face, leaving it frighteningly blank .
"Corin had no business coming to see you so soon and without my presence."
His voice was low and calm, the epitome of neutrality, but his words held a menace I could only sense thanks to the hyper-alert state he put me in with his near outburst.
"She didn't do anything" I rushed in, afraid he would hurt her somehow.
Fuck, now I am throwing Corin under the bus, poor soul. I just needed an excuse to be away from him and clear my mind.
I needed that because I suddenly had a plan. A mad, outrageous, suicidal plan.
I was getting out of that castle and I was going to take Nat with me.
To be perfectly honest, I didn't want to leave. I felt my toes curling at the very thought of disappointing so many people and an odd unfunded dread of disappointing Aro in particular, but I couldn't accept that I would become a vampire. That was what I was really getting away from, that grim hopeless fate.
Alec grabbed my hair to force my face to his and kissed me, catching me by surprise as I was lost in the disarray of thoughts that constituted my newly formed plan. I could feel him smile against my lips when I avidly kissed him back, clinging to him like a drowning man to a lifesaver. He gently pushed me away when he thought I needed to breathe, as he would usually do.
"Are you sure you don't want to see me in the near future? I believe you would miss me just as much as I would miss you, if not more."
Be strong, Marina. Be better.
"I need it. Just stay away, please."
His features were marred by sheer sourness.
"I will give you three days, no more."
I raised my eyebrows at him, mentally scoffing at the audacity of setting my own boundaries for me, but didn't contest it. Complaining about anything to him was always a risk, I never knew what would be the little thing that would finally tick him off.
I cupped his face and slid my thumb across his cheek to see him closing his eyes again.
"Thank you."
"You are such a delight, my dear."
I was assaulted by the familiar warmth I always felt whenever he was tender with me. I unconsciously smiled and he opened his eyes in time to see it.
"And so very beautiful" he added and I almost backed away from our agreement, almost told him to forget about it and just go see me every single time he could.
No, Marina. You need to focus, you need to outsmart a castle full of old powerful creatures. Concentrate!
How many of them lived in the castle? Aro never gave me a number and I grew anxious thinking of how many of them I would have to avoid while trying to find my way through the maze of stone corridors with Natalia on my heels.
I also realised that those moments could be my last moments with Alec as I would try to escape before his time away from me was over. It was as if my heart clenched at the realisation.
Fuck, am I really doing this? Can I really leave him, never see him again? Can I even pull this off?
I would miss him, admittedly. I didn't delude myself, I knew I liked him even after everything I knew about him, even after Luke. I hated myself for it but I didn't pretend not to.
But I had to get away, if not for me then for Nat. If I didn't manage to escape I had to at least throw her out of there. She wasn't even supposed to be there, it was solely my fault that she was even in that mess in the first place so I definitely had to get her out.
I tried not to think of that too much while Alec was still there. He kept me company for as long as he could before he had to leave to get back to work, and it took me a lot of effort to not give myself away. I let myself enjoy our time together as I didn't expect to see him again and it was so perfectly nice and tame that for a few moments the fact that he was a bloodsucking violent beast didn't even cross my mind. He told me little things about himself and about life in Volterra and our first days together didn't feel so distant anymore, he was again the Alec that had me so captivated in the beginning of everything and not the awful and imposing one that would force me into submission at any given opportunity.
For a little while he allowed me to think of the both of us as equals again.
Such a beautiful illusion.
After Alec left I couldn't sleep anymore. He kissed me goodbye as the first sun rays made their way down from the sky and I immediately started to think of setting my plan in motion. There was a lot of it that I would have to just hope for since it depended mostly on luck, but it was the only plan I could come up with. I would have to drag Nat along with me and that made everything all the more difficult because I would have to walk her through all the steps without letting any vampire intercept it, but maybe doing all of it with someone else by my side would be easier than alone.
I surely hoped so.
The first impossible thing I would have to do was getting out of my room and telling Nat of what I wanted to try. I would have to find a way of giving her directions without being overheard by anyone and the castle was filled to the brim with creatures that could hear even our hearts beating in our chests, so I couldn't just say it to her.
I had to write it down.
There were two major things that could ruin it for us and I thought about them many times. The first one would be Aro touching me and seeing the whole plan laid out before him in my head and the second one was being tracked by Demetri if we did make it out of there. I couldn't really do anything about the first one, I had to pray and hope it didn't happen. The second one also depended a lot on luck but if we managed to get out of Italy I knew where to go.
I would go to the Cullens.
I was fairly well informed about them and their gifts at that point. I knew that there was only one person ever known to be immune to Demetri's tracking power and it was Isabella Cullen because of her mental shield. I also knew she could expand it to include other people, that was the whole reason Aro wanted me working for him. He was convinced that her shield would not work against whatever it was that I could do.
I had a very small window to try my absurd plan and I only had one shot to succeed. Aro had informed me after our long talk that the residents of the castle had their "meals", as he had called it, delivered to them by Heidi regularly and that I was not to leave my room whenever that happened, so I would be warned about it right before she brought them in. I shook off a goosebump as I remembered that piece of information and tried to focus on what I would have to do.
The vampires would gather up to feed and I would be left to the care of their human secretary for a short while.
That would be my chance.
I could never trick any vampire but she was human. If I could trick any of them it was definitely her.
I knew she would be punished severely for a mistake of that calibre but if I wanted out of there I couldn't worry about anyone besides myself and Nat, I had to be cold-blooded and resolute. Lots of humans were already finding their demise within those walls all the time and many of them would be killed while I escaped, I couldn't possibly worry about one more.
This is what you are running from, this is what you have to escape.
The thought of the amount of people killed inside that building fuelled my desire to run from there and my plan was set in stone, fully formed.
Before they fed I had to find a way to communicate with Natalia undetected. I needed paper and a pen, or anything that allowed me to write.
I prepared myself as best as I could, tried to put my heart down and slowly opened my door. There was no one right by it but as soon as I stepped outside Demetri appeared before me quietly and abruptly as if out of thin air.
"I would like to spend some time with Giulia."
He questioningly raised one elegant eyebrow at me.
"And what for?"
"Just want to be around another human and none of you seem inclined to let me be with Natalia again."
He analysed me for a moment and I shuddered.
Fuck, keep it together.
"I don't think you would like to distract her from her work. The masters are not lenient with mistakes and your kind is already so prone to making them. You could easily get her fired."
I knew exactly what he meant by "fired" and was unable to prevent the shiver that ran along my spine. He smirked and I did my best to keep my voice from quivering.
"I won't disturb her" I promised, "I can even help her if she needs."
I needed to be left alone with her to get what I wanted and suddenly wondered if that would happen at all. They were always watching me way too closely and I began to second-guess everything I wanted to do. I was counting on Demetri's wish to be away from his boring duty, even if just for a little bit, but he could take it too seriously to leave me completely alone with Giulia.
Everyone keeps saying I am so lucky, let's see how true that is.
"If you are certain that you will not distract her too much I suppose I can allow it."
I celebrated that tiny hint of victory in my mind and followed him closely to what I supposed was the marble covered reception lobby where Giulia would most likely be. Demetri walked as silent as a cat while I could hear the soft tapping of my flip flops on the ground. He didn't turn to look at me as he spoke again.
"You told Alec to stay away from you."
It was not a question so I was not sure of what to say.
"Well, you were the one to insist on talking to him about it, I was going to let it go."
I could see him tense slightly.
"I suggested it to resolve any problem you might have with it, not to cause a divide between the two of you."
I shrugged even though he still had his back to me.
"I have enough problems regarding our relationship as it is, you didn't do much harm anyway."
He stopped in his tracks and turned to me, his brow furrowed.
"You worry too much."
This talk again?
" You seem to worry too much. Why all of this preoccupation with Alec?"
He didn't answer me, merely turning back to resume walking.
I didn't feel like testing him, especially considering what I was trying to accomplish at that moment, so I remained in silence for the rest of the way as well. When we reached the reception Giulia greeted us in her standard bubbly manner.
"You are in charge of Marina for now" Demetri smoothly informed her, "be very careful with her."
In complete opposition to his calm tone and general nonchalant way, Giulia instantly froze upon hearing his words and learning of her new responsibility. She stuttered incomprehensibly a few times before she managed to actually speak anything intelligible.
"May I ask why? And for how long?"
I felt sorry for her and again almost backtracked on the entire thing. An evil little voice sang in my ear that I was going to get her killed if I succeeded in my plan and managed to leave the castle by tricking her and I forcefully shut it out.
"She wants human company" Demetri graced her with one answer, but not the other. He looked at me instead. "You have half an hour. You should have breakfast after that. Be good."
He whooshed away, making Giulia and I blink stupidly a few times. When I recovered from his disappearance I jigged over to her excitedly.
"Hi! Sorry, I know you're working. I won't be much in your way. What you doing?"
She smiled nervously and put away some papers.
"Just organising some paperwork."
"Can I help?"
She seemed very unsure of what to say to that. I sensed she didn't want me to help but also didn't want to say no for some reason.
"It's fine to tell me no. I don't bite."
God, did I really make such an awkward and awful joke?
She chuckled and made an even worse one.
"Not yet."
I took a chair and sat by her side doing my best to ignore her remark. She glanced at me before actually answering.
"Sorry, but I would rather do it by myself. Any mistake can cost my life."
I felt a knot forming in my stomach that I ignored with only little success. I got curious about her then but was a little afraid to distract her with conversation so I waited quietly until she looked less busy.
"So" I started with a lack of subtlety and grace that would put an elephant to shame, "how did you come to work here?"
"Well, you know. The usual. I saw the offer online and it seemed too good not to try out. Good hours, good salary. Lots of benefits. Of course, once I arrived here I was informed of my employers - uhm, unusual condition, and you know, once you have that information they give you the choice."
"I wasn't really given a choice."
She cleared her throat and stared at me with her almond shaped green eyes and I suddenly noticed that she was very pretty, though in a very human way – unlike the other residents of the castle. She was much taller than me even without the high heels she usually wore and her brown hair was long, wavy and shiny. She had light makeup on and was very pleasant to look at.
"Uhm, yes, I suppose in your case they wouldn't." Her voice and her smile had a hint of something I couldn't quite discern. "But does it really make a difference? I can't see how anyone would choose death, honestly."
Then it clicked. It was envy.
"You can't?" I was just curious about her opinion but she looked at me like I had dared to disagree with her.
"Well, can you ? I mean, just look at them. Why would anyone not want to be incredibly powerful and beautiful forever?"
I didn't say anything, I nervously glanced down to her hands to avoid her gaze. Something shiny caught my attention.
"You're married?"
It was her turn to get nervous.
"Yes, I was. I mean, I still am but it doesn't really matter anymore."
Whoa. I guess nothing really matters to vampires and vampires wannabes.
We chatted for a little while whenever she thought she could afford to talk to me but I was growing anxious as time went by. Even though it was really interesting to learn what being a secretary there in the castle was like, I needed an opportunity to get from her desk what I needed and she had her attention on me all the time, either fully or partially. Eventually she started to ask me questions about myself and my life before I went to Volterra.
"I was going to college and working at a bar. I was actually about to take a break from college because I was scared that Alec was going to kill my boyfriend."
I said it in the most matter-of-fact way I could with the intention of shocking her. I got a little upset when I learnt that she wanted to be a vampire so much even though she knew what sort of creatures they were and what they were capable of, so I tried to unnerve her with the tales of the misfortunes they brought onto me. It worked a little, she was taken aback.
"Oh, that's... I'm sorry to hear that." She drummed her fingers on the top of her desk. "How is he?"
"Alec? Perfectly fine. Healthy and thriving."
I knew she didn't mean Alec.
"How is your boyfriend?"
She waited expectantly for me to answer but I had a feeling she already knew what I would say.
"He's dead" she flinched and glanced around. "Alec did kill him. Probably tortured him first."
"You told him," she guessed. "You told your boyfriend about vampires."
"Yeah. I guess that's on me."
She cleared her throat and I knew she wanted me gone then but Demetri was nowhere around and our time was not up yet.
"Why do you think Alec tortured him? He probably got it done very quickly, I wouldn't worry about him suffering. Alec probably even numbed him beforehand."
I wasn't sure if she actually believed that, just wanted to believe it or simply hoped that I would believe it but in any case it seemed she lacked essential information to pass judgement, so I decided to be clearer at the risk of talking too much. No one ever told me I should withhold anything from her so I only hesitated for a second.
"Oh, I don't think so. Alec warned me he would do it slowly and painfully, he told me to stay away from Luke – that was his name – even before I told him anything."
Giulia fidgeted with her wedding band as she tried to make sense of what I was saying and I didn't feel like making the jump for her.
Let her figure it out, it's not that hard.
She took a few more seconds and it finally clicked.
"He was jealous?" She asked it like she couldn't believe it.
"That's what he said. I know, I didn't believe it either, I guess I should have."
If she was uncomfortable around me before it was nothing compared to how she became after acquiring that knowledge. She suddenly couldn't get away from me fast enough.
"I had no idea you were his... I mean, that you two were..."
I got very uncomfortable myself and it only got worse and worse as she fumbled with her words and never finished any sentence. Thankfully she decided to leave me alone in the lobby and mumbled an excuse to get away from me.
"I don't have a lot of bathroom breaks, if you don't mind I will take this chance to go. Since you are here to watch the desk and all."
"Sure."
I didn't think she was supposed to leave me alone but never commented on it. She walked quickly into a corridor, her heels tapping on the floor irregularly, and I found myself blissfully alone.
Good Lord, fucking finally.
I checked a clock on the wall and saw that I had eight minutes left from the half hour Demetri gave me. It was a very tight window and I couldn't be sure of how long Giulia would take to return so I threw myself into my first task as soon as I stopped hearing the echoes of Giulia's shoes on the ground.
Go, Marina, go! And stop breathing so loud, the whole castle can already hear your heart trying to burst out of your chest .
I grabbed the first blank piece of paper I could put my eyes on and the closest pen I could find. I folded the paper and used the waistband of my skirt to hold it under my shirt and then did the same to store the pen. I prayed to all the gods I knew that neither of them would fall until I reached my room and then I moved to my second task: to find the current location of the Cullen residence.
I was very sure that they had it somewhere, it was unthinkable that they wouldn't keep track of that coven's whereabouts, I just wasn't sure that I could find it before someone appeared. It occurred to me that even if neither Demetri nor Giulia caught me in the act there were still a lot of people that could pass by and see me with my nose in that computer.
It doesn't matter, I don't have anything else, I have to try this or nothing.
Doing my best to not have a heart attack I took the mouse on the desk with a sweaty hand and started to look for any folder that could store the information I needed. In my desperate state it took me a while to even think about the search engine.
Jesus Christ, Marina, it's like you are not even from this century .
Well, technically I wasn't but only by a few years.
I typed in any keyword I could think of, always glancing at the clock and watching my minutes go by like sand going down inside of an hourglass. I was not efficient in any way and began to panic as I saw three minutes left on the clock and heard Giulia's shoes tapping on the floor again. As the sound got increasingly louder and I still had nothing I considered giving up and closing everything before I got caught but then I realised why I was getting nothing.
Damn, I'm so fucking dumb.
I typed in the very first keywords I had tried, only that time in Italian.
Hope it's right, my Italian sucks.
I was blessed with what looked like an address just in time to pass my eyes over it and shut everything close before Giulia saw me using her computer. I tried to memorise it and play calm at the same time and luckily she was still shaken enough from our conversation that my terrible acting skills seemed enough to fool her.
She smiled at me when she resumed her post and I watched her in anticipation, looking for any sign that she noticed what I had done.
I saw none and relaxed.
"Let's go."
I jumped and felt a pang in my chest when I heard Demetri calling me from mere meters away. When I followed the sound of his voice he was standing near us like he had always been there, his eyes glinting with amusement.
I put a hand on my chest and whispered "fuck, I'm not gonna last a week in here, I'll die from fright much before that."
He chuckled as I made my way to him but when he looked at Giulia his face darkened like a sky abruptly taken by stormy clouds.
"You were not supposed to leave her alone."
We both paled at his words. I felt lightheaded.
"She just went to the bathroom" I tried to interfere for her but he gave me a look to freeze hell over.
Fuck, we're both screwed.
"I'll take you to the kitchen, you need to eat. You" he turned to Giulia, "Master Caius would like to know that you left Marina alone when you were entrusted with watching her. Go tell him."
I thought I would faint but Giulia seemed to be even closer to that. She was hyperventilating in such a way that even I could hear it though I stood by Demetri and not so close to her anymore.
"He is in his chambers" he instructed her and I watched in silent horror as she exited the lobby, her long legs trembling so much she could barely walk straight.
I felt like dying.
"Come."
I kept my head down as I followed him, unsure of how he knew she had left me alone and wondering if he knew what I had done in her absence. His next words sounded like nails being hammered into the lid of a coffin to my ears.
"We will not harm you physically but there are many ways to discipline you and punish you for your disobedience."
I didn't look up to see if he was looking at me or not.
