The silence in the kitchen was suffocating. We both refrained from speaking for quite some time, with Demetri not letting on how much of what happened in the lobby he knew and me trying not to disclose whatever he could still not know. He watched me eat with a blank face, unmoving like a statue. The ominous glint in his eyes was the only thing indicating that he was in fact a living being – or something remotely close to that. My hands were shaking so hard that I could barely hold anything, even more so under his unforgiving gaze, and I feared that if I looked back at him for too long I would burst into tears.

I kept my eyes on the sandwich I had prepared for myself and the cup of coffee he had served me. I managed to shove down half the sandwich, fighting nausea the whole time, but the coffee was still all in the cup. When I tried to sip on it my trembling hands nearly made me pour it all over myself and I decided to wait to try again. When I risked another glance at Demetri he was exactly in the same position as the last time I had looked at him and I closed my eyes to fight my nerves. I could feel cold sweat all over myself.

"Is she going to be alright?" My voice was so raspy and low that another human couldn't possibly have heard me, but Demetri probably heard it even more clearly than me.

"I hardly think so." His voice expressed as much as his face did when I had seen it and the tears I was holding back found their violent release.

With my eyes still closed I rested my face on my hands and broke down. I sobbed so loud that I was sure that every vampire in the castle could hear it but I couldn't be bothered to feel embarrassed or even care. For what felt like the hundredth time in the short amount of time since I had been introduced to Alec I cried until my head hurt and my chest burnt. All the death contained within the walls of that castle began to hit me like someone was throwing the bricks of its walls at me, the abhorrence of my new twisted reality dawning on me with full force. I thought of all the executions that took place there, of all the tourists that were led to their deaths regularly while completely unaware of their cursed fate. I thought of how easily and frequently they disposed of their human employees and of how insignificant we really were to those immortal beings.

When I calmed down enough to stop sobbing I opened my eyes and they landed on Demetri once again. He was a flawless personification of that foul uncaring nature and I wished I could put as much distance between us as possible. I wished I could never see another vampire again for as long as I lived and I wished more than anything to live a long and mundane human life very far from Volterra, never even crossing paths with an immortal ever again.

Demetri finally moved, quietly and smoothly but also unexpectedly and I jumped in my seat. He slowly lifted a thin, long-fingered pale hand and held it up to me as if expecting me to touch it. He had its palm turned to me.

"Do it on me."

You have to be fucking kidding me.

I was still crying but my sniffing was the only audible indication of that. I clenched my jaw shut to keep myself from choking up again and hesitantly lifted my own hand to meet his, though I never touched him. I kept my shaking hand close enough to his static one so that it would be easier to feel the pressure of my power working on him, but distant enough that I would not accidentally touch his skin when I moved against my will. I searched for the tingling sensation underneath my skin and pushed it towards him as soon as I found it. I felt the air between our hands being slightly compressed and tried to hold it like that for as long as I could.

He dropped his hand and blinked after three seconds.

"Much longer than usual" he crossed his arms and leaned back on his chair, "very good."

I thought of thanking him but my voice wouldn't come out.

"This is your third day in Volterra" he commented with displeasure. "You could be waking up as one of us now. You could have done it already if your transformation was a short one."

The hand I used to direct my gift to him fell on the table with a loud thud and I whimpered. The violent crying was coming again and I didn't know how to hold it back if he kept talking about that.

"This is insane" I whispered to myself, my thoughts flying out of my mouth without my permission, "this whole ordeal is just unfathomable, Jesus Christ. I'm in a castle full of vampires who keep killing dozens of people and I am expected to be one and partake? God, this is absolutely unbelievable. I can't live like this, I'll never make it."

Demetri sighed with exasperation, waking me from my haze.

"What you are feeling is perfectly natural. Which is why I have always been against keeping you human here."

I rested my elbows on the table and buried my face in my hands for a moment. When I looked up he was still appraising me.

"I can stop people from moving for seconds " I tried to argue but he snickered like he knew exactly where I was going with that and already disregarded everything I was about to say. "Oh, come on , that's pathetic. You can't use it for anything, it's not worth all the trouble and effort."

"You would be surprised with how much a vampire can do in a few seconds. Besides, you will be much better at it when you are no longer human."

My crying got worse again and I couldn't speak anymore. I closed my eyes to escape the kitchen for a second and faintly heard his chair scraping against the floor. Almost at the same time I felt him touching my hair.

"Quit crying. It's very unbecoming."

I looked up and saw that he was offering me a handkerchief. I finally felt embarrassed about all the loud crying and quickly took it to dry my face. He sat back on his chair without waiting for me to return it.

"I am constantly considering biting you myself to put an end to your misery."

His words and the coldness in his voice nearly got me choking on air. I froze, studying his face for any sign that he was going to follow through with it right away but even if he did I would never be able to see it in time or do anything about it.

"You can't. You don't have permission."

"I would be reprimanded at most."

I clumsily got up and my chair fell to the ground behind me, his handkerchief tightly kept in between my fingers. Demetri's serene smile was a slap in the face.

"Sit down, Marina. You're not going anywhere."

Did he mean in that moment or in general? If he knew of my plan to get away then he was cruelly teasing me, being vague on purpose. I wished I was strong and powerful enough to give him a run for his money.

You will be soon.

But it wouldn't matter anymore.

"I want to see Nat again."

"You're very sure she is still alive somewhere in this castle after what she has done. It's curious."

Damn, he's right. It never crossed my mind that they just disposed of her for the inconvenience.

"She is, right? Is she?" My voice sounded pitiful even to my own ears and Demetri seemed to be having fun at my expense again. It honestly felt better to me than when his aura was dark and he looked upset so I was actually glad though his lack of answer put me on the brink of a meltdown.

"How would I know?" He teased looking at my nearly full cup disinterestedly. "I suppose you will find out during feeding time, although I would guess someone else will be keeping you company after Giulia's slip."

He watched me fight back my tears again as I pressed my face against his handkerchief and sniffed through the thick fabric.

"Get done with your meal, Jane wants to speak with you."

God, I can't catch a break.


He took me to her room. That fact alone was to me a strong indicator that nothing remotely good would come out of that conversation but I did my best to remain composed. He stopped in front of intricately carved wooden double doors and just waited without knocking. Jane opened them in a second and fixed her eyes on my face.

"Thank you, Demetri" she addressed him but never tore her eyes away from me. I got a little nervous and wondered if they could tell somehow.

Demetri left us and Jane stepped aside to let me in without a word. I took a deep breath and walked inside. The folded piece of paper and the pen on the waistband of my skirt only increased my nervousness and I moved with deliberate attention to them to prevent anything from falling down.

I hadn't even found a place to sit when she spoke, her distaste evident in her voice. "My brother is troubled and unhappy."

Wonderful, now I will be scolded by yet another thirteen year old for having fucking boundaries.

"I'm really sorry to hear that."

"Are you now?"

Her sarcasm was terrifying.

"Of course I am." I plopped down on the nearest chair, letting out a tired and heavy sigh. "You know, everyone is so worried about Alec around here, my friend Natalia seems to be the only one to worry if I am troubled and unhappy and I'm not even allowed to see her anymore. There is only so much I can do against my own feelings and judgement." I should have stopped at that, having made my point, but my lips moved on their own accord before I could think properly. "I'm only human, you know."

Jane laughed humourlessly.

"Yes, that you are. For now." She walked over to me at human pace and I cowered in my seat in spite of her short height and angelic face. "And what a major inconvenience that is."

I had no idea of where she was going with that conversation and my confusion must have shown on my face because she quickly went on.

"It's a recurrent discussion among us if it is really a good idea to postpone your transformation for so long. Demetri has always advocated strongly against it, he insists that you should have been bitten as soon as you set foot inside the building. It has come to the point where the masters themselves are rethinking their decision."

That didn't bode well with my plan at all.

"I... can't see why." That was a lie but I don't suppose she could tell. "Third day and I'm here still standing and in one piece, I would say all is well. Well, I guess I'm a burden having to be watched and taken care of but we're almost halfway through."

"You're using that time to cause trouble and not at all for what Master Aro has intended."

Ouch. She was good at scolding, I couldn't deny that. Her deceptive appearance did little to soothe me when paired with the harshness of her voice and the forwardness of her statement.

"I'll do better from now on."

She scoffed and I looked around to take in her room, seizing the opportunity to try to know her a little better through our surroundings. It was much bigger than the one I was staying in and had two separate spaces; something like a living room, where we were having our conversation, and the private chamber itself behind a wall after another pair of beautiful-looking doors. The light bounced off of the fair coloured stone walls and the decoration was tasteful and subtle, even a little impersonal, made up mostly of paintings and hand-painted china. The room had a very soft energy and the last thing that I noticed was a very small frame with a portrait of her and Alec on the farthest wall from me.

She snapped me out of my observations by resting her hands on my shoulders and I gasped, startled by her proximity and her touch.

"You should be honoured to be recruited by the masters." Her burgundy eyes bore into mine and I shifted uncomfortably in the chair, noticing they were darker than when I first saw her. "I can't understand why you are not."

"I'm scared."

"Of us?"

I was scared of them but I was more scared of myself and finding out who I really was in the midst of all that was happening. Whenever I managed to assess my feelings regarding becoming a vampire I would find a guilt that I couldn't quite point the source of until I tried to look at my whole life with as much emotional distance as I could. When I saw the whole picture it finally hit me.

"Of God's ire."

Her hard expression slowly dissolved into wide-eyed understanding. She took a step back and seemed to look at me for the first time in her life.

"I didn't know you to be religious."

"I'm not." I considered not telling her anything but I had been feeling quite lonely ever since I arrived and not properly talking to or even seeing Nat didn't help at all." I think... I was raised as a Catholic in a religious country. I guess certain values are ingrained in me. I have been giving all of this a lot of thought and it seems to me that even though I don't practice any religion I can't simply shake off all of the revulsion for the idea of becoming a creature that is essentially a demon by definition, nor the guilt associated with aspiring to be one in order to be strong and immortal even knowing that it entails killing humans to sustain myself."

Jane looked surprised, if it was by what I said or by the fact that I told her about it I couldn't know. She didn't pity me though, or even sounded the slightest bit sympathetic when she spoke again.

"I wouldn't be too concerned about God in your position. His wrath is nothing compared to the hatred of Man."

Blasphemy.

I was a little more taken aback by my own mind than by her words as the judgement felt so foreign to me even if it was not the first time it had happened. I never gave much thought to religion but when I did it was very common that the things I had been taught as a child emerged with little effort, though I didn't truly believe in most of it.

Yeah, she was burnt for being considered a witch, I can see where she is coming from.

And yet I couldn't get rid of all my Christian guilt.

"You only had the life we took from you because they never noticed what you are," Jane added, getting gradually angrier, "if they knew about your power they wouldn't want you. Now that you know of it and can control it it is likely that you wouldn't have a place with the humans anymore even if we let you go back. They would cast you aside, perhaps even harm you. They would fear you and do anything they could to hurt you."

"My friends and my family would never hurt me, they love me."

She laughed and it was so genuine and so mean at the same time that my brain could barely process both things in the same sound. She put her face so close to mine that I could feel my own breath touching her skin and ricocheting to touch mine. Her counter-remark was merciless in its honesty.

"They would be the first ones."

Fuck, is she right?

I cursed under my breath when I felt the tidal wave of tears trying to break through my calm front again. Jane stepped away from me smirking with satisfaction.

"They wouldn't want you but we do. Be grateful."

Three tears rolled down my face but I managed to keep the rest from coming out. I didn't dare speak again, in fact I didn't even have anything else to say. Jane was pretty much done with that topic of discussion after shattering most of my hopes and dreams and was quick to go back to the one that actually brought me to her quarters.

"What is this nonsense of telling Alec to stay away from you?"

God, I thought she was done with that.

"I just want time to accept that he lives and will keep living with his ex."

She rolled her eyes and the sight was almost inconceivable. "She is not his 'ex'. Don't be absurd."

"They used to fuck and I have the right to feel however I want about it."

"You are such a child . It was just sex."

It was my turn to roll my eyes.

""I am a child. I will act accordingly, that's not a crime."

"No, you will quit it right this moment. Alec is suffering and I will not have it."

Feeling mindlessly braver than usual after opening up to her I stood up to storm out of the room but Jane was right in front of me in a millisecond. She never touched me but the look she gave me burnt like a thousand suns.

Suddenly, so did I.

When I was a child my parents would tell me all the time to stay away from the kitchen because it was the most dangerous place for a child in a house. Most domestic accidents happen in the kitchen, so I was never to go there by myself. I could cut myself, fall from heights, get burnt, get electrocuted, get in contact with chemicals and so on. Of course, being a kid I had trouble just taking advice and believing words without the world experience to back them up and when my parents would tell me that something hurt horribly I couldn't fully understand the extent of the pain they were talking about as I had never experienced it. One day I couldn't help myself and decided to put it to the test; I saw my mum turning off the gas stove and pressed my open hand against the burner she had been using only moments before.

It did hurt horribly and I finally had the experience to understand just how much "horribly" really meant. I got second degree burns and blisters that lasted for days.

Jane's burning gaze also hurt horribly, only a million times worse and all over my body. Thankfully it didn't last, possibly no more than a second passed and she was done. It was enough to bring me to the floor, writhing and shrieking and to leave me sweating and panting when she stopped.

It took me a few more seconds to get my ability to think back and realise that she had used her gift on me.

"Tell me you will quit it."

What she said and the way she said it threw me back to the day Alec threatened Luke.

"Say it. Tell me you understand."

I didn't say it fast enough to her liking and the scorching pain hit me again, even more strongly.

"Marina" there was a dark warning in her intonation, "tell me you will go see Alec and stop this nonsense."

If she does it again and it's even stronger I will throw up and maybe even pass out.

I hated every single vampire in the world at that moment.

"I will," I whispered.

"Wonderful." I glanced up and she was smiling, not a trace of the obscurity I had witnessed in her face left to attest for my sanity. "Now get up, I want to show you my leather-bound books. Alec has mentioned you enjoy bookbinding."

I slowly got up and hesitantly followed her through the second set of doors, shaking to my core.

Bunch of crazy beasts they are, the whole lot of them.


Turns out they had someone responsible for the kitchen and that person was to stay with me during feeding time. Her name was Allegra and she didn't look to be much older than me.

"You made my coffee" I commented when we were left alone in the kitchen. She furrowed her brow in confusion. "I came here to have breakfast this morning and there was fresh coffee in the thermos."

"Oh, yes. I did, that is right."

"It was very good."

She smiled warmly and thanked me, her brown eyes shimmering in the sunlight that came through the windows. Her brown hair was up in a ponytail and she was dressed much more comfortably and less formally than I had ever seen Giulia dressed. We were both standing by each other, leaning against the mahogany table in the middle of the room for support, and she was looking intently at me though not in an aggressive or calculating way. She seemed curious, if anything.

"I guess I am not taking my eyes off of you until they are done, huh?" Her tone was uplifting and she obviously meant it in a lighthearted way but I couldn't help the spasm that took over my hands as I heard it. "Sorry, I don't know why I said that."

"It's okay. It's a well-known coping mechanism."

I had used it myself a few times ever since the vampire chaos installed itself in my life.

She then proceeded to ask me what I thought of life in Volterra so far and all the generic small talk I expected from her. I answered it all in the same fashion I had answered whoever had asked those questions before, all the while thinking of Nat.

Where is she?

Feeding time was approaching and I had yet to see her, which was slowly but surely putting me on the verge of despair. She had to show up there in that kitchen, if she was still alive she would have to stay with Allegra too.

Right before the tourists were supposed to be taken into the castle by Heidi she finally entered the kitchen.

"Oh God, there you are!" I breathed out with relief when I spotted her. "I was about to freak the fuck out."

She had the nerve to smile at me. "You really thought I was a goner because I ran a little late? C'mon, have some faith in me, will you?"

I rolled my eyes and crashed against her when I jumped to trap her in a hug. She cried out jokingly. "Ouch, mind the goods."

Loud laughter bubbled up in my chest and I barely heard it coming out of my lips as we hugged each other and twirled around the room. I faintly heard Allegra giggling and it made the overall mood of the place even lighter. I felt instantly better than I had felt since I arrived in that godforsaken place.

The feeling vanished when I noticed Felix leaning against the entrance of the kitchen, burly and menacing, smirking at us.

"Aren't you two the most adorable, girliest little things?"

Natalia pushed me away as if I was the one to make her mad and threw him an annoyed look. I could read it all over her face, how much she wanted to tell him to shut up and go fuck himself, but she managed to keep herself in check. Felix was obviously delighted with her fury.

"I'll be back for you two in a minute. Behave, dear ones." He winked at Nat and smiled at me before turning back and walking out of the kitchen. Nat waited a bit before she huffed and finally uttered the word that was stuck in her throat.

"Asshole."

As soon as Felix left us my brain got into emergency mode. I would have very little time to try to communicate with Nat without alerting Allegra and I wasn't even sure of how much time we had. The piece of paper I had stolen from the reception desk was still neatly folded and hidden in my clothes, only now it had a very vague outline of my insane plan written on it. I tried to summarise it all in as few lines as possible so Nat wouldn't take too long to read it but couldn't skip over anything essential.

It was a major inconvenience.

I prayed and prayed for an opportunity to pass her the damn paper before any vampire came for us and when Allegra took her eyes off of us to go drink some water I quickly shoved it in Natalia's hand, so hastily that I feared I hurt her in the process. She was puzzled for a second but with one quick glance at my face she opened the paper underneath the table and began to read.

Her eyebrows shot up with the very first sentence.

"Let's get the fuck out of here" I had written in Portuguese before a numbered list of necessary steps.

She smiled excitedly at me before reading the rest as inconspicuously as she could, looking at the paper in between long intervals so as to not raise any suspicion from Allegra, who went back to stand beside me by the table while Nat sat on a chair behind us.

I tried my best to not look at Natalia all the time to see if she was finished reading. I wanted more than anything to turn around and ask her what she thought of it and if she was up to attempt such madness but I could not. My mind then wandered to the awful notion that Alec was busy with the merciless slaughter of the tourists at that exact same moment and my whole body reacted to that thought with revulsion and disgust.

"Are you cold?" Allegra asked me in a friendly tone. I shook my head no and finally risked looking at Nat. She seemed finished with her reading and when she looked back at me she mouthed one single word that immediately put me in fight or flight mode:

"Vambora."