When I remembered sitting inside of the bathtub holding my knees like a child, soaking in the warm soapy water and feeling his fingers massage my scalp with the intimacy and tenderness of a lifelong lover, that was when I faltered. When my mind brought back to me the feeling of his hands in my hair, stroking it slowly and softly, and the tingly sensation of his fingertips brushing against my bare neck as he inhaled audibly behind me. When my brain replayed his sighs and his silken voice and I could hear the smirk in his words as he pressed his lips against my wet skin to tell me how much easier it was to see my beauty once the mud and the blood were truly washed away. The memory of the shivers going down my spine and his melodic chuckle; that was what made me stop in the middle of the street and even forget about the blood running down my arm denouncing my previous steps like breadcrumbs in a forest.
I never stopped for Natalia. I could never go back for her, she would never forgive me if I did. When I made it out of the castle I looked back to check on her and I had never seen her so furious. She yelled like an actual mad person and told me off for even turning my head. I could still hear her screams ringing in my ears hours after I had left her behind.
"NO COMING BACK! DON'T YOU DARE COME BACK, DON'T YOU WASTE TIME WAITING FOR ME!"
I vacillated even so and I was sure that she would have punched me if she could reach me.
"Just fucking go!"
I did. I left her behind as every cell in my body seemed to push me back towards her, even as I heard my own voice in my head screaming the exact opposite of what she had screamed herself. That I should go back, that it was unbelievable and unforgivable to leave her there to fend for herself with all those vampires. That she would have to pay for the both of us and they would be ruthless in their punishment.
Would Alec partake? I wanted to think he would not but the answer to that came to me instantly in Jane's youthful and playful tone, filled with sardonic enjoyment - he would be the first one, he would be the most ruthless of them all.
I was losing my breath running and that combined with the incessant crying had me gasping like a fish out of water. I was barely advancing at all, I was in terrible shape. I had to take some time to even know where I should go, asking around in what had to be the worst Italian those poor people had to hear all day. The running combined with the blood loss was making me awfully dizzy and for the first time after pushing the castle's doors open and stepping outside I felt defeated. I realised that making it out of the doors could even be the hardest part of my escape but it was just the first one and I would never get to North America on my own, hurt and with no documents.
I did not think this through.
I didn't, really. I planned it very superficially and acted purely out of instinct. I never accounted for being alone or hurt, I was sure I would have Natalia with me and we would be both in perfectly good health and even then we would still be in severe disadvantage.
So I stopped for a moment. Not far from the double doors of the palazzo, in the square, I halted and considered going back.
They'll catch me either way, maybe if I go back willingly it won't be so bad for me or for Nat. I can ask for forgiveness, I can try to make peace with my future there. I can't just leave her, can I?
I was worried sick and my guilt was eating me alive but I knew Nat didn't want me to go back, she would be pissed if I did. But Alec ... if I dared to take his feelings into consideration - and I shouldn't - then I would have gone back. If he was so hurt over me choosing Luke over him then he would be devastated if I left him even when there was no longer anyone else.
It doesn't matter, he deserves to suffer.
He did, but I didn't want him to. I felt bile rising in my throat at the thought of his foul deeds but wanted nothing more than to go back to him and pepper his angelic face with kisses, tangling my fingers in his hair and begging for pardon. It was the strangest sentiment.
I didn't debate it for long. I shook it off, forced myself to not think at all for a little while and began to run again. Hopefully my arm would stop bleeding and giving away my position and I would get far enough to get some head start, though I knew that the scent of my blood was too much of a giveaway. Demetri's tracking skills were still way above average even without the use of his gift, or so I had been told, and I was a sitting duck with a trail like that behind me considering how much faster than me they all could run.
"I'm so fucking screwed, I have to go back. I have to get back and beg to be forgiven, preferably on my knees. Jane is going to burn me for ages for upsetting Alec so much, Jesus Christ."
I was only a few meters away from the castle when I collided with cold, hard arms and panicked upon contact. I knew right away, without looking at the person, that those were the stony arms of a vampire. That feeling was already ingrained in my being and as soon as I was touched by the stranger I began pushing them away, losing all logic and coherent thinking.
"It's fine, I got you! Don't be scared, we're the Cullens!"
I blinked at the mention of the name. My body relaxed and I forced myself to look at the girl that had her arms encircling me. She was definitely a vampire; though she had covered every possible centimetre of her skin with clothing I could see that all the uncovered parts of it were pale and marble-like. She had a scarf on her head but the strands of hair that escaped it were a glossy brown and her face was heart-shaped. She was wearing sunglasses and I imagined that it was to conceal the colour of her eyes.
"I'm Bella. It's alright, I have you covered." She let me go and nodded to something behind me. "This is Alice. She saw you when you decided to go to us."
Alice. That's the seer.
I looked behind my shoulder and noticed the girl she mentioned. Petite, even smaller than me, with very short and dark hair. She was dressed pretty similarly to Bella, though her clothes were much more fashionable in a way. She smiled warmly when I turned to her.
"Very nice to meet you, but we have to keep moving" her cheerfulness was marred by a sense of urgency that made her smile oddly misplaced. "If we just stand here they will find us in about four minutes."
Bella flinched like she had been lightly electrocuted. "Let's go." She turned to me, uncertain. "We will have to carry you or they will definitely catch up. Is that okay?"
"Yeah, you can catapult me all the way overseas if you have to, just get me the fuck out of here."
Alice motioned for me to hop on her back. I hesitated briefly, feeling very awkward, but did it as quickly as I could after fighting it. No amount of awkwardness could keep me in place for long enough to be found by a furious Alec and a very displeased Demetri.
And who knows who else will be with them.
The situation got too serious for me to turn back. As soon as I met the Cullens that was no longer an option, they were risking too much for me and I was basically allying with the enemy. We were all doomed and had to get the fuck out of there presto.
"Ok, close your eyes so you don't get sick. Try to keep them closed until we stop" Alice instructed me in a gentle tone. I complied and before I could even register it she started to move.
A million thoughts raced through my head as the two vampires sprinted through the city and then out of it. I worried that the Volturi would never stop looking for me, that Demetri would never think I was dead. Even if he did he could simply check on me a few years from then and it would be enough for him to uncover the truth. If they ever found out that the Cullens got involved they would all be in trouble too.
Fuck, I just keep dragging people into this mess instead of leaving them fucking be.
I never expected them to go to Italy to get me, that could aggravate their situation with the Volturi if we were to be discovered. Suddenly it crossed my mind that we were in their town and they could have people watching everything even out of the castle and have cameras set up everywhere. I kept my eyes closed during the whole ride to the airport just as Alice had suggested but the nausea assaulted me nevertheless.
We might have tried to bite way more than we could chew.
I remembered the lengths I went to in order to acquire the Cullens' address and how useless all that effort ended up being. Life is funny in really heartless ways at times.
When we arrived at the airport Alice nearly threw me off of her back in her hurry to get inside. Since she could see the future I didn't protest or complain, she certainly had a damn good reason to do it.
"They're on our heels, we need to get inside of a plane now ."
God, the way I felt my heart pounding at those words is something I will never forget. The adrenaline pumping through my veins was making me physically sick and I was very sure that I was about to throw up.
I was right.
"I'm gonna vomit."
I had time only to mumble the words before I actually did it. I bent down and threw up hard on the floor.
"I'm sorry, Marina, but we can't stop. I'm so sorry, please try to keep going."
Alice repeated more soft apologies while she grabbed my shoulders and removed me from the entrance of the building, leaving the contents of my stomach on the sidewalk. The sliding doors opened automatically for us and she pushed me through them as Bella accompanied us closely. Once inside they both removed a few clothing items from themselves, such as the scarves and the glasses, without ever stopping their fast walking.
Another thing I had not expected was to see all the Cullens in Italy. But nearly all of them went and they were all there in the airport waiting for me.
Holly fuck, that is a security detail alright .
I got a little sad thinking that if the Volturi did catch up to us not even that would be enough against them.
"She is not well" Bella said to a blond man who didn't look much older than me, "she threw up when we arrived and her arm is hurt."
He gave me a smile and as it reached his eyes I noticed they were an odd shade of gold. "Hi, Marina. I'm Carlisle. Do you still feel sick?"
That is the father, the doctor.
"Uhm, not as much. A little better. I feel a little better."
I answered him absentmindedly, eyeing the rest of the group, but Alice rushed us all before I could really take them in. We began to half run to departures as she spoke.
"I can't see all of us leaving this airport," she explained, her eyes shifting between scenes most of us couldn't see. "Alec keeps showing up and doing the most drastic things, abandoning protocol and getting really violent. Why would he do that?"
My heart sank.
Fuck, I'm gonna throw up again. Hell, I think I'm gonna spill my guts and my soul.
I couldn't find it in myself to answer that but I didn't need to. A bronze haired teen next to Bella did it for me; Edward, the mind reader.
"He is i n love with you?" His incredulity caused him to say it louder than what would be deemed socially acceptable and several people around us looked at him curiously. He paid them no mind, his eyes fixed on me.
"That's what he says" I tried to be cool about it but they all had similar reactions to Giulia when she heard me saying the same thing.
"Wow. This is even more of a disaster than we initially thought" the blonde woman next to him commented and I noticed she was even prettier than the regular vampire. She had an extra allure, almost like Heidi's though they looked nothing alike.
Edward gave her a worried look and she took the hint. She locked her lips and gave me no further insight into their discussions on the matter.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know who else I could turn to."
"It's alright. It's all gonna be fine" Carlisle assured me with another soothing smile. I tried to smile back but only managed a grimace.
We were close to the departure area and I still had no idea how they planned to get me out of there but that question was answered almost as soon as it crossed my mind.
"Jazz?" Alice turned to the man by her side and I tried to scavenge my memories of Aro's long explanation about that coven to remember who that was, but in my state I couldn't place him right away.
"It's finished." He handed me a passport and I almost fell back when I saw my picture inside of it under a fake name.
"How in the name of God...?"
"The Volturi snuck your information into the list of passengers of a plane that fell down" he interrupted me. "That's how they faked your death. That's the picture they used."
I recognised the picture. It was the one I had on my ID, the one Alec destroyed after Jane took my bag in Rio as I ran around trying to find Luke. I stared at myself, mouth open in disbelief, and the Marina in it stared back at me with infuriating serenity. I was a completely different person when I took that picture and seeing it filled me with resentment. I envied the girl depicted there, I coveted her life with poisonous jealousy. I absurdly hated her and everything she stood for because I knew she was dead and I would never get anything back; not who I used to be and not what I used to have. It was all gone. My degree, my marriage, my Luke, my children, my parents, my friends, my birthplace. All of it, gone forever.
When I looked away from the picture I met Edward's eyes and his face was taken by sorrowful sympathy.
"I'm sorry."
I nodded. I knew he was and I knew that there was nothing else he could say.
We pretty much ran to the boarding area. Any outsider that bore witness to that scene certainly thought us all insane, it should have been quite a sight to behold. I thought that there was no way we could seem any more conspicuous, being a group formed by people that looked like they did, but I was very wrong.
It was pathetic, really, but we made it. They already had the tickets so after excruciating seconds of showing our documents one by one we boarded the damn plane and I collapsed on my seat like a big pile of melted ice cream.
It was so similar to the first time I ran from Alec that my insides wrenched. There I was, running from him again. The first time I tried it I had collapsed on top of a bus seat and had Luke by my side. The second time around I threw myself on top of a plane seat, sandwiched between Bella and Edward. He looked at Alice after we clasped our seat belts.
"Do we take flight?"
She sighed. "Yes. We're good."
Thank fucking God almighty.
Edward was not so relieved quite yet. "Do they know we intervened?"
Alice took a moment before she answered again, her eyes unfocused. "Not as of now."
There was a collective heavy sigh. And then there was resounding laughter.
"What a ride!" The bulky boy next to the prettiest of the girls cheered, throwing his head back. A few of the other Cullens laughed along though more timidly. The woman sitting immediately in front of me turned her head.
"Hi, Marina. I'm Esme."
"Carlisle's wife" I whispered before she said it herself. She smiled widely.
"Yes, that's right. It's very nice to meet you."
The rest of them introduced themselves, following her lead. The guy I couldn't remember earlier introduced himself as Jasper and I finally remembered that he was Alice's husband, the one that could control emotions. Rosalie and Emmett were the next ones. After I learnt their names Carlisle offered to clean my cut and bandage it. I had already forgotten I was even hurt.
"Sure. Thank you."
He leaned over Edward and wiped my arm clean with a wet cloth, making me flinch in reflex. He gently wrapped it with gauze and smiled.
"There you go."
He got back to his seat and so it was time for explanations. I was so fucking curious but also a little scared to know why and how they managed to get me as soon as I set foot out of the Volturi Castle. Before I could pick one of my many questions on the matter another one popped up in my head.
"Your daughter is not here" I commented looking at Bella. She pursed her lips.
"Alice can't see her future very well. And Jacob would have wanted to come, Alice can't see his at all. She would be blind and we wouldn't know if the Volturi would get to us."
Who the fuck is Jacob?
"He's a shapeshifter," Edward answered me. "He imprinted on Renesmee."
"Oh, right. Yeah, I heard of those." I looked for Carlisle through the gaps in between the seats in front of me. He was sitting next to Esme in the row in front of mine. "What now? I had a tight schedule and only planned things as far as getting to you all. I have no idea of what should come next, someone please tell me you got that covered."
He and Esme exchanged stern looks.
"Do we talk about it here or when we land?" Carlisle asked Alice and she shook her head, aggravated.
"Let's talk about it now. I'm not sure we will have time later."
Damn, what is she seeing? Are they going to get us as we land?
Edward took the liberty of answering my thoughts once again. "Alice's visions are very subjective" he explained to me in hopes of putting my mind to rest, "she sees a number of possible outcomes of specific decisions but the future is not set in stone. The farther something is from happening the less she can trust her gift. Don't worry about it too much."
I nodded but was a little less relieved than I was when we boarded the plane. I hadn't considered that they still could discover our whereabouts as we were flying and beat us to our destination. I wondered how upset Alec would be and what he would do if he reached us, if he would really disregard his direct orders. The mere suggestion of it seemed absurd, he would never disobey the kings just because of me.
Edward chuckled darkly.
"I wouldn't count on that."
Carlisle got my attention before I could dwell on Edward's comment.
"I don't know what you were hoping for when you left the castle, Marina, but I'm afraid we can't avoid your transformation" he told me in rushed whispers. Though I was seated it was like the ground left my feet. Like a rug was pulled violently from beneath me.
I began to cry again.
Fuck, I'm such a crybaby. No way my body is still mostly made of water at this point.
Edward laughed at my silly joke but otherwise was the perfect picture of sympathy. Carlisle sighed.
"I'm really sorry. The Volturi are aware of your knowledge so there is no escaping that."
"Not just aware," I interjected. "No, they are responsible for it. God, all I wanted was to finish college, get married, have babies and grow old. What the fuck is this mess?"
Rosalie winced. "Believe me, we know the feeling. No one here wants to turn you. We really are sorry."
"But there is no way around it now" Emmett completed.
"I sincerely feel like dying at this point."
I did. I was so tired and suddenly my last hope was snatched from me just like everything else. I realised I had been just running towards dead end after dead end inside of a maze just like I did in Rio and would end up finding Alec at some point, waiting for me in a dark alley. There was no escaping, there was only delaying it. Our re-encounter was certain. There was never anything to be done.
"You can't avoid becoming a vampire but you don't have to be like them" Edward tried to reason with me. "You don't have to stay in Volterra, once you are a vampire there will be no law they could use to claim you."
"You can stay with us," Esme offered. "We will take responsibility for you."
"No offence, thank you so very much, but what difference does it make?" I did my best not to sound rude but I was beyond faithless. "You are all vampires too and I ran away to try and not be one."
"I don't think they mentioned it to her" Jasper said to his family and they seemed to agree with him, whatever it was that he was referring to.
Bella was the one to explain it to me.
"We don't kill humans. We are 'vegetarians', in a way. Well, as much as a vampire can be a vegetarian."
I blinked and looked at each one of them carefully. Their matching golden eyes shone in my direction as if in confirmation.
So that's why they look like this.
"What do you drink then? Animals?"
"Yeah. Ironic, I know." Bella smiled timidly but I was too astounded by the information to be amused by the aforementioned irony.
"They did not mention that at all."
"I'm not surprised. Probably didn't want to give you any ideas."
I surely didn't put it past them.
"So what you're saying is that although I have to be a vampire because of their laws I don't have to kill people." Carlisle nodded affirmatively. "That still sucks, sorry. No pun intended."
A few of them chuckled but most had a sour expression on their faces. Rosalie was the sourest of the bunch.
"You won't ever have children" she said in a way that let me sense that it was a difficult topic for her, "but you can still get married. Well, preferably not to Alec Volturi of all the people in the world, but still."
I laughed joylessly.
"Yeah, like he would ever let me. He killed my boyfriend out of spite."
"Whoa." Emmett raised his eyebrows. "Heavy. And troublesome."
"Huh. Yeah, tell me about it."
"This does complicate things" Edward chimed in. "We might not be able to solve this diplomatically."
"And if we can't?"
The look he gave me could have pierced my skull.
"Then it will be entirely up to you."
Oh, fuck my life.
