"Right there. She stopped. She was about to turn back."
We were watching the images of the security cameras set up in the piazza when Demetri pointed it out. Sure enough, I too watched as the Marina on the screen stopped running and stood in the square, her face obscured by the low quality of the digital image but with everything about her screaming doubt and uncertainty, from how abruptly she ceased her running to her body language as she went still. It was a different kind of torment to watch her internal struggle since it was all in the past and I already knew its outcome. I inadvertently hoped she would go back to the castle to run into my arms even though I knew she didn't. She made that decision hours before I saw her debating with herself, I knew she chose to leave.
And how it fucking hurts.
It was a type of pain unfamiliar to me. Not physical but at the same time it did hurt physically in a way. Strange and undefined, like the very feelings I nurtured for her. I was lost and Natalia's own confusion, caused by my reaction to Marina's escape, did not help me in the slightest.
"You don't look well."
I turned to her, stunned by her obvious observation, and she cowered. Demetri patted my shoulder.
"No need to scare the human any further. Master Caius and your sister have that covered."
I schooled my features. It was not my intention to scare her but I was having a hard time controlling my emotions. I answered her honestly but as kindly as I could.
"I'm in hell."
She was evidently sorry for me although she did not regret playing a part in the events that caused me pain in the first place, that was the most I could say for her benefit. Anyone could see that she was missing her spark, her willingness to rebel that came with the lack of doubt in oneself. She was no longer a rock in the middle of a stormy sea, she was wavering like its muddy waters. I saw an opportunity there and I took it.
"You must know that the Cullens will not keep her human" I informed her in my business-like tone, perfected throughout centuries of diplomatic endeavours. "Even if they could, even if we were never made aware of their involvement, they would not. They have been waiting for a chance to overthrow us for many years now and Marina is of much more use to them as an immortal. Besides, they would never spend the time and effort required to hide her from us until she lived out her human life. She is but a stranger to them."
Natalia swallowed nervously and weighed my words. It did not matter to me if she would be persuaded by one argument or the other, or even both, as long as she clung to something. Her sympathy for me was still clouded by the death of Marina's former lover and I was once again unnerved by the importance given to him. Had I known how much trouble those moments of fun with that sorry little creature would cause me in the future perhaps I would have given him the chance to go through trial and be executed quickly and painlessly.
Who am I trying to fool? It was way too good. Certainly worth the trouble.
"Ugh, I can't believe I am actually feeling sorry for you." I was brought back from my musings by Natalia's loud complaints. "I can see now why Marina is so damn torn all the fucking time, you look like you need to be cuddled when you're sad."
Felix laughter echoed through the room. Demetri chuckled, always more subtle than his friend, and even I was entertained by the comment. I smiled as I watched her shake her head and bury it in her hands before pointing at me accusingly.
"You do it on purpose, don't you? You know you look adorable, God damn you."
"I won't turn down a hug at this very difficult time in my life" I chortled, unable to refrain from teasing her when she gave me such a good breach, "but I am so very distraught that I might bite a little."
She choked. "Get lost."
"Aro has not decided," Felix contemplated out loud, "so the Cullens must not be aware that we know of their involvement. Is that right?"
Demetri confirmed it, though he looked cautious. "Why do you ask?"
"It would be nice if they couldn't see us coming."
"That it would."
Natalia was not interested in our plan of attack and had her mind still on Marina. She grunted and crossed her arms. "So she will be a vampire anyway and this was all for nothing."
"Yes, she will. And you might not, after this stunt. The Masters are still deciding if you will be a snack after all."
Felix grabbed her wrist as he reminded her of her fate and we watched as he began to drag her out of the room. She looked at me one last time before she left.
"You promised not to go after her."
The fucking nerve of this child.
My reply was calm but spiteful. "I won't have to. She will come to me in time."
I knew she would. After her newborn phase was over she would come back to me but I had no intention of waiting. Natalia would be either dead or going through the transformation herself by the time we left to retrieve Marina so I preferred to lie in order to keep that bridge from burning. She didn't fully appreciate my response but left us quietly after hearing it.
The kings have watched the security images before us and were counselling. Overtaken by the turmoil of my feelings regarding the whole situation I started to feel a nagging curiosity of how Master Marcus perceived my relationship with her. He could see her loyalties and their intensity and Master Aro had seen everything that ever went through her mind. I never once asked them about her feelings for me, lost in sensation as I was, but I started to feel the urge to ask them as I was again away from her.
This is the last time you will ever escape me, love. Never again.
Felix returned Natalia to her room to wait for the verdict and we gathered to hear it from the masters themselves, along with the next course of action to be taken. The conference room was chosen for this purpose, so when we were done with the cameras I made my way there. Jane was waiting for me by the doors of the surveillance room.
She took my hand and I squeezed hers, revelling in the comfort she offered.
"I was wrong, I guess," Felix said with a peppiness that irritated me. "Marina was the one in need of a leash after all."
"She will regret it as soon as she learns she won't be allowed to remain human" Jane said to me, ignoring him. "She almost came back right after she left. Avoiding the transformation was her only goal."
"Was it? I am starting to think she might be avoiding me after all."
She huffed. "Preposterous."
When we arrived at the entrance of our final destination her grip on my hand got tighter and she didn't look at me as she inquired: "Would you leave us? If Marina decides she does not want to stay in Volterra, would you follow her?"
I was petrified by the question and even more so by my own hesitation to answer. I never considered that as I never considered that Marina would choose to leave after she was turned. Jane caught me by surprise. I felt like reassuring her with an instantaneous and resounding "no", but I was not sure. I was horrified by that discovery.
I didn't feel that strongly for Marina right then but I didn't know how different my feelings for her would be after she was sired. I did not want to hurt Jane or unsettle our masters, who I knew to be listening behind the doors, but I also did not want to lie to my sister.
"I don't know."
I saw the panic surfacing in her eyes as she looked at me and cursed myself. I wished she hadn't asked me such a thing, especially within Aro's hearing range. I could guess everything that was going through her mind though she did not dare to voice any of her worries; but she didn't need to, as soon as I came to know of my wavering loyalty I began to worry as well. The questions ran through my head in her voice, like I could hear her thoughts in my mind.
Do you know what that means for the coven? For Aro? Could you really do that after everything he has done for us? After all the years we spent in his service? Have you forgotten how many enemies we acquired through the centuries? Do you really believe you could live in peace away from the protection of the Volturi?
" Brother " she pleaded and it became unbearable to look into her fearful eyes.
I lowered my head. "This is not a convenient moment to discuss this."
She was preparing to argue with me anyway so I pushed the doors open and stepped inside to avoid the discussion.
It was even worse to look at Aro and Caius after they overheard our conversation.
"Alec, my boy." Aro glided to me and cupped my face with his papery hands. My eyes reflexively avoided his but I forced myself to meet his gaze. I could see very little in them, as usual – Aro was very difficult to read – but I could sense he was upset.
"Master" I greeted him respectfully, hoping my voice wouldn't betray me to the others in the room. It was reasonably full though not quite packed.
"There is no need for worry" he addressed me as much as Jane, to whom he spared a quick paternal look over my shoulder. He smiled at the both of us. "Our Marina will be back soon. She is confused and scared, the poor thing, but she will come around. I have made a mistake in keeping her human here with us. As soon as we retrieve her she will be sired, no more delaying."
"I'm sorry, Master." I didn't know what else to say. Was there even anything that I could say to make up for the awfulness he had heard through those heavy doors? I had never once questioned him, never doubted him or my loyalty to the coven. I barely knew what to tell myself then.
"I feel so lost," I confessed in a rushed whisper. He sighed and released my face to pull me into a hug.
"I know, my dear. It will all fall into place."
I didn't want to make a scene in front of the others but when I hugged him back I broke down into sobs. I admonished myself, feeling powerless and pathetic, but couldn't help it. I crumbled down.
"Hush now, child. We will fix everything" he intoned by my ear, smoothing out my hair. I took deep breaths in order to calm down and got out of his embrace.
He smiled one more time before he motioned for me to take my place. I bowed and hurried to assume it, standing right by Jane. Her eyes were fixed on me and she was horrified by my display of vulnerability.
"I'll be fine" I assured her unconvincingly.
"This is your home. I will drag her here myself if I have to" she vowed solemnly.
"We won't have to."
I very much wanted to believe in my own words. I was fully aware of my importance to the Volturi and what my departure would cause. I was not even sure I would be allowed to leave in the first place, I had witnessed too many replacements over the centuries to know that Aro was always more inclined to execution than to temporary goodbyes. My position within the guard was permanent and so I never worried myself with what would happen to me if I left, but once the thought occurred to me it quickly plagued my mind. I had real affection for Aro but did he have real affection for me? And if he did, was it enough to make him let me leave in peace?
What am I thinking? I don't even want to leave, I want Marina to stay. This is all a waste of time.
But if I ever wanted to leave...
No. That was not an option and would never be. Marina had to stay.
"We have decided" Master Marcus announced and I focused on giving him my full attention. "It has become evident that Natalia's transformation will be beneficial to us all and thus she will be sired."
I glanced at Felix. Demetri did the same and we both exchanged looks as we saw the satisfied smirk on his face.
She better improve her manners to keep her head.
I was oddly pleased with that outcome. In my mind she was a puzzle piece at that point, one that could be pivotal to make Marina fall into place at last. I wondered if the Masters thought the same, if that was the reason behind their decision. Either way it did not matter to me, all I was truly concerned about was getting to Marina and perhaps fighting the Cullens in the process if it proved necessary.
"As for Marina" Aro took it from where Marcus left off, "she will be left to her own devices for the time being."
" What? "
Caius glared at me and I quickly recomposed myself, but the shock that assaulted me lingered and I could barely hide it. Jane was just as surprised as I was though she was much more discreet about it than I had been. I could see she was fighting the urge to question the decision as well. She turned to me and frowned.
What are they doing? She seemed to ask and I shrugged, stunned.
I had no idea.
"We will check on her in time" Aro assured all of us and only then I noticed that all the other guards present were just as surprised as Jane and I. Corin was staring at me from the opposite wall and her expression mirrored Jane's puzzled one. I shook my head, quietly telling her that I too did not understand the decision.
"We shall give her space. She will come to know that Volterra is the best place for her."
I believed that to some extent but felt too restless to comply. For the very first time I doubted that I would follow through with Aro's direct orders.
Once the announcements were made and everyone started to disperse the kings came directly to me. I feared Aro would touch me and see that I considered disobeying him, but he never did. He merely smiled again and looked at me and Jane as he spoke.
"Do not fret, dear ones. Put your trust in us."
Jane immediately concurred. "Of course, Master."
"Yes, of course." I was half a second too late to echo her to convey any real confidence but he didn't comment on it. Caius rested a hand on my shoulder for a brief moment.
"She will be back."
I nodded to him, thankful for the reassurance, but still felt dizzy with the turn of events. The simple thought of Marina being so far from me and surrounded by the Cullens of all people filled me with dread. My treacherous mind allowed all sorts of unwelcome scenarios to sprout, all of them variations of the same horrible outcome: that they were working to steal her from me forever, convincing her to keep her distance and follow their unusual and unappetising diet. The worst possible situation would be her becoming an addition to their coven, increasing their power even further.
I couldn't believe Master Aro was taking the risk of that happening.
Corin took the kings' place by Jane and I when they left. Like Caius, she put a hand on my shoulder and I was glad for all the comfort offered to me at the same time that I felt put off by it. I didn't want pity but I couldn't deny that I was in desperate need of consolation.
"Was she too mad when she found out about us?"
I put my hand on top of hers. "It's not your fault" I guaranteed.
She was not entirely convinced. "I shouldn't have gone to see her without you. I'm sorry."
I actually agreed with that but it was futile to dwell on it at that moment. "No matter now. It is done." Sensing that I had been too tactless in my reply, I added "you will make it up to me by being her friend when she returns, I'm sure."
She smiled brightly. "You bet."
"Brother, you are scaring me." Jane confessed in a whisper once most of the others exited the room. Demetri, Felix and Heidi stalled and that made me uncomfortable to discuss the pending matter.
"I am not leaving, sister. I am sorry for scaring you."
"This is getting quite messy," Heidi commented pensively. "I never imagined she would cause such a commotion. She seems so mellow."
I laughed at that, causing them to look at me inquiringly.
"I wouldn't count on that."
"We are here for you. You know that, right?"
"Thank you, Heidi."
As much as I appreciated their eagerness to offer me comfort I began to feel smothered by it, not used to the need for it in the first place. The memory of my display of distress earlier finally embarrassed me as I no longer felt overwhelmed by the emotions that caused it and I suddenly couldn't leave the room fast enough, desperate to be alone with my own thoughts.
"I need to go." I turned to Jane. "We can talk more later."
She bit her lower lip, something I was used to witnessing but the sight was unseen to most. She was still nervous about the whole situation but ultimately sighed and shook her head in acceptance. "Fine. I'll see you later."
"Thank you, Jane."
I took her in my arms briefly and left the room with one last look to the remaining group. I didn't know it yet, but an impulsive decision prevented me from seeing my sister for much longer than I had anticipated. Had I known the consequences of our lack of communication I might have talked to her right then.
