"Se essa rua, se essa rua fosse minha
Eu mandava, eu mandava ladrilhar
Com pedrinhas, com pedrinhas de brilhantes
Para o meu, para o meu amor passar ..."
I sang softly to myself, to appease my aching heart, drumming my fingers on my thigh. I knew all the vampires around me could hear me but didn't mind it very much, I desperately wanted to hear the song travelling through the air and not just echoing in my head. The plane was cruising and I hoped that it would be the last time I had to take such a long flight before settling in one place and getting my life back together. Or as together as it could be at that point.
"It's a lovely song."
I searched for the person that spoke and found Esme looking at me through the gap between her seat and Carlisle's. She was smiling kindly and I smiled back at her.
"Thank you. I quite like it. It's a lullaby, my mom used to sing it to me all the time when I was younger. I miss her. And my dad. Well, I miss everyone and everything, to be honest. I had an awesome life back in Brazil."
One that I am never getting back.
The implied addendum soured her smile a bit, but she sustained it for a little longer before questioning me.
"Would you like to talk about your boyfriend? Or anything else, maybe?"
I considered it and she patiently waited in silence. I wasn't very sure of how comfortable I felt about discussing it with not just one but various vampires I had just met, since they could all hear our conversation, but I did want to talk to someone. And they seemed so nice ...
"I'm worried about my friend that stayed behind" I confessed before I changed my mind. "And I pretty much hate myself for what happened to Luke. I have also been worrying about the transformation process a lot."
I then talked about Luke, how he was majoring in psychology and had three older sisters, about how we met and how we liked to run through the water fountains in the Station Square in my hometown. I talked about both our jobs and how we bonded over having the same occupation and all the nice places we used to visit together in the city where we used to live. My voice got softer and softer at the end until I fell silent because I remembered that for the last months I had spent with Luke he didn't go to those places with me as much as he once did. Ever since Alec arrived in our town he began to go with me instead more and more often until Luke apologised and said that since I had someone to keep me company while I took notes for my essays he would not be going anymore. He was so busy with his own essays and his job and would rather spend our time together doing more interesting things... He was never that fond of old art anyway.
We grew distant because Alec and I were more similar in temperament and shared more interests. If I could go back in time I would kick both of us and tell Alec to leave us the fuck alone.
"He sounds like a wonderful boy. I'm sure you made him really happy."
"Thank you. You're so kind."
Carlisle entered the conversation when it was clear that I wouldn't talk anymore. "Don't worry about the transformation too much. Most people survive the bite and have a short one."
I stared at what I could see of him, dumbfounded.
"It's possible to not survive the bite?"
Oh fuck, how come no one told me that? How could Alec just not mention it?
All the Cullens looked at me then, some simply surprised and some worried. Edward furrowed his brow.
"Did they tell you anything at all about the transformation process?"
"No, actually not. And I asked, I asked several times. I asked if it hurts but they wouldn't even confirm it."
"Wow" Emmett said from a few seats away. "Yeah, it hurts like hell and for days, it's like endlessly being burned alive."
"Em, you're scaring her" Alice reprimanded him as she took a look at my face.
" Days? Really? I changed my mind, any of you can just kindly break my neck upon landing, thank you very much."
"It can take between two and five days" Carlisle admitted, "it is most common to last for three days. Don't think about it too much, think about everything you would like to remember. Your memories will get blurry for some time right after it ends."
Bella awkwardly reached for my hand. "We'll be with you. And other people, too. More of our family, we will help you through it all."
"More of your family?"
"We're going to Alaska," Edward informed me. "We have cousins there and it is not as heavily populated."
Cousins? Are they all biologically related?
"No, not like that," he answered. "But we are family regardless."
"They are also vegetarians, so don't be scared of becoming a snack" Alice joked and I croaked out a weak laugh.
"You had a friend in Volterra?" Jasper was the one to go back on what I said, sounding curious.
"They took her after they took me. We shared a house and went to the same college. We tried to escape together but she didn't manage. Fuck, I'm the worst friend on Earth."
"No, you're not" Bella disagreed immediately. "And I'm sure your friend wouldn't even want you to stay behind for her sake. I wouldn't if I was in her place."
I shook my head. "No, you don't get it. I did it with her before and I did it with Luke and he's gone because of me. I keep doing it, I'm really just a selfish, careless bitch. I told her the secret and got her taken to Volterra and then I just left her there. I ignored all the warnings about Luke getting hurt and I fucking ran away with him. I keep dragging people into the mess my life has become instead of leaving them be, I'm seriously the worst."
With that I started to cry again and Bella's grip on my hand got tighter, almost hurtful. I checked her face with blurry eyes and she looked pained.
"You sought help and comfort in those you trust and love. That's natural and healthy, it's not your fault that they got hurt. You were not the one to hurt them."
I dried my tears and thanked Esme for her words.
They really are nice, what's the catch?
Edward laughed. "Some vampires are nice just as some humans are not. Is this really that hard to believe?"
"Sorry. I have met many awful humans in my life but this is my first time meeting truly nice vampires. It's not that I think you are all monsters or anything."
"No offense taken" Emmett assured me and winked. His good-humoured nature was a breath of fresh air after the time I had spent in the castle in Volterra and in a way it reminded me of Alec before he showed me his true colours. He was still like that every once in a while even after I found out what he really was and I wondered if he would ever go back to being nicer to me.
Maybe after I become a vampire too? I miss those moments we used to share so much.
I was floored with memories of those moments, shared jokes and conversations as I visited old churches and admired sculptures with him back in my little town, all the times he found it funny that I offered him food or said he must be tired and I didn't understand why, the times I thought his parents should be worried about him, the time I held his hand when he missed his sister, the way he brushed my hair in the hotel in Rio and how he washed it in Volterra...
With a sudden pang in my chest I was reminded of Luke's light nature as well and felt horrible for missing his murderer.
"Don't be so harsh on yourself, Marina" Edward reached for my other hand and squeezed it lightly. "The allure of a vampire is something hard to resist, especially when used intentionally."
My face got so warm that I thought it would melt.
You saw that, didn't you? Oh God, I'm so sorry, can we pretend you didn't?
I was mortified that he saw me naked in the bathtub while Alec washed my hair for me and wished I was dead.
"Of course, I never saw anything." He smiled awkwardly and let go of my hand.
"What?" Bella leaned closer to me and asked with a curious whisper. "What did he see?"
"Nothing." Edward answered for me and I tried to hide my face with my hair. I shouldn't have cut it so short, I couldn't use it that way effectively as I once could.
"They won't kill your friend" Jasper said and I marvelled at how sure he sounded. My disbelief must have been apparent because he reassured me. "No, really. They wouldn't, they will use her to get you to go back. She will be fine."
Doesn't mean they won't hurt her.
I thought of Jane and how she could torture people, even vampires, in such a horrible way without leaving a single scratch on their bodies.
"We will try to negotiate," Edward offered. "Carlisle will talk to Aro to try and sort this out. The fact that they were actively searching for someone capable of passing through Bella's shield should hurt their reputation if it became common knowledge. A reputation that has already been hurt."
Because of your family.
"Yes. I don't think we or anyone else was supposed to know of you."
A secret weapon. A safety net to fall back on if necessity ever posed itself.
"Can you show us?" Emmett asked in excited whispers. "The thing. The power."
"Not here." Esme shot him a stern look though it was softened by the affection evident on her face.
"No one will notice, " he insisted and she sighed.
"Do you need touch?" Jasper inquired and I shook my head.
"It helps but I can do without."
I decided to try it to distract myself. It could entertain me and all of them enough to keep my mind off of bad things for a while, so I gave it a shot. I lifted my free hand just enough to put its palm in Emmett's direction and locked eyes with him as I concentrated. I was not angry at that moment but the recent conversation, so filled with bittersweet reminiscing, put me in a foul mood and I used it to fuel my gift.
Five seconds to hit him. Two to stop working.
"Wow. Yeah, I felt that. Pretty strong, if you could ever do that to a lot of people at once and for longer that would be really scary."
"Huh. Never considered being able to do it to a lot of people at the same time."
"You may not get to," Bella said. "It depends on what type of gift you end up having. Maybe it will only work on one person at a time, like Jane's, maybe it will cover an entire area like... "
She stopped abruptly mid-sentence, as if catching herself barely in time. I finished her sentence with a choked, pathetic whimper.
"Like Alec's."
Saying his name aloud was like tasting my own blood on his tongue again.
"Do you think they are right?" She manoeuvred away from her faux-pas. "Do you think your power works on me?"
"By logic, since it works on objects, I guess so."
"Do you want to try it on me?"
She smiled and even bounced a little on her seat, her tone hopeful and excited. Edward tensed and his mood was the complete opposite of hers. He crossed his arms and looked at me with unvoiced displeasure. I slid my hand out of Bella's grasp as slowly and tactfully as I could and chewed on the inside of my cheek before answering.
"I don't know. Maybe not. Maybe I would rather not know that."
If I am ever caught by the Volturi again they would also have that information.
Edward hummed in agreement.
"Oh, come on ." She insisted with childlike excitement. "All this trouble to so many people, let's see if they got it right. Aren't you curious?"
As curious as I was, – and damn right I was fucking curious – I was also really scared. Even if the Volturi never got hold of me again I was scared of what the Cullens having that information could mean for me. I was completely at their mercy, wouldn't they just consider me too dangerous and untrustworthy and get rid of me?
"You have my word that we will not hurt you." Edward's voice was deeper with the seriousness it carried. "We don't do things like that."
You mean like them.
He chuckled. "Well, yes."
I looked at Bella again. "Ok, let's see that."
She quietly celebrated her small victory and waited for me. I didn't move my hands this time, in part to test if I could do it anyway and in part because I hoped it wouldn't work and Aro would lose interest in me. I would be able to live a more normal life as a vampire instead of serving him if that was the case.
I pushed it towards her and felt its pressure between us. We were so close to each other that it was quicker and easier than it was to use it on Emmett.
After three seconds, she blinked.
"That was terrifying," she whispered in awe. "I couldn't move but I also couldn't speak or manipulate my shield. I could only think and feel."
"Completely passive and unprotected" I murmured, contemplating that information.
Before that I didn't know it affected anything besides movement. When it really hit me that she said she couldn't use her shield for as long as I held her I felt sick again.
"You couldn't use your shield? Are you sure?"
Fuck, that is not good. Not good at all.
"I couldn't. I tried. You know, to be sure."
Edward and I shared a look and I was sure his concerned expression had nothing on my panicked one.
"It's going to be fine," Carlisle repeated. "It will all be resolved."
I couldn't even speak anymore. I leaned back on my seat and tried to fall asleep without another single word.
Alaska was not what I had expected. Like many people that only ever heard about it from very far away, I was sure, I imagined it as a vast and cold snow covered desert. It never occurred to me to think of it as a place with cities or to picture it during any other season. I laughed to myself as I realised how incredibly silly that notion was and how long I had lived without ever questioning it. It was indeed much colder than I could hope to endure with the clothes I had on myself and it was covered in snow like the images in my head, but it was also so much more. Equipped with heavy coats lent to me by Esme I gawked at the view from the windows of our rented car as we made our way to our final destination. I wondered if I would get to see the northern lights during my stay there.
It was unlike anything else I had seen in my life, a cinematic sight fit for hand painted theatre drapes.
Their "cousins" lived in a reasonably large house made of both stone and wood that merged nicely with its natural surroundings. When we stepped out of the car they quickly closed the distance between us. Our reception group was made of three women and two men and I stopped in my tracks when I caught sight of them. Though it was a much smaller group than the one that received me in Volterra it was still more people than I thought I would meet. The deep darkness that enveloped us made it hard for me to discern their features and the cold started to get to me. When they were done with their hellos and long time no sees one of the women took notice of my shaking jaw and addressed me.
"You must be Marina. Let's get you inside, you must be cold and exhausted."
"Don't forget 'starving'."
She smiled and gestured for me to follow her.
Once inside there were introductions. The women were Tanya, Kate and Carmen. The men were Garrett and Eleazar. Their golden eyes put me a little more at ease once I could actually see them, reflecting the yellow lights from their living room and just as warm as the fireplace.
"Is the temperature ok?" One of the blonde women asked me, standing closer to it. "We are never sure."
"It's fine, thank you." I took that moment to properly look at them. The one that spoke to me had strawberry blond hair that curled smoothly. There was another blonde, that one with very straight hair, and the last woman was dark-haired, like the man holding hands with her. The other man was tall and had sandy blond hair that he kept tied up.
That last one's body language and general demeanour wasn't as inviting as the other ones'. He eyed me suspiciously, his arms crossed tightly over his chest. Garrett was his name and he offered it begrudgingly, reminding me of the way Caius offered his own name to me. I felt some of the walls I had torn down getting back up.
This guy already doesn't like me. What have I done?
"Nothing," Edward assured me. "We're just still wary of the Volturi."
Oh.
I suddenly got very uncomfortable in their presence. I was so glad to make it to America in one piece that I hadn't taken time to consider how the Cullens or their cousins felt about taking me in, especially with how nice and welcoming most of them were being.
"You would know if she was a spy, right?" Garrett asked Edward and he grunted.
"Relax, Garrett." Emmett attempted to appease him in his usual light manner. "Chick's terrified enough."
Garrett was not satisfied and gave me one last dirty look before excusing himself from the room.
"He'll come around" Kate promised me, the blonde with straight hair. "Let's get you some food."
It struck me then what a major nuisance I would be on them. They probably only had food in the house because of me. As soon as I thought that, Edward laughed.
"They have human guests often. Don't worry about that."
Tanya laughed as well but neither of them bothered to explain to me why that was so funny.
Tanya led the way to the kitchen and I followed her closely, thankful for the human pace she kept. It was only as I sat down at their large wooden table that I noticed someone else went with us.
Eleazar sat across from me and smiled, possibly to put me at ease again. I tentatively smiled back.
"Are you allergic to anything?" Tanya asked me, going through the things in her fridge.
"Uhm, no. I don't think so."
I hoped she wouldn't give me something I had never even seen in my life and I ended up being allergic to that.
"You don't have to cook for me, I can do that." I began to get up from my chair but she waved me off.
"Oh, don't worry. I'm faster. And Eleazar wants to talk to you."
I nodded awkwardly, feeling self-conscious about the trouble I had been causing everyone around me. I slowly sat back down and turned back to Eleazar.
"You're hurt," he commented. I nodded.
"I had to fight my way out of the castle."
The cut was not deep at all but I was sure it made an impression in Volterra. I bled quite a lot on my way out of there though almost nothing once I was out. It was enough to get me dizzy for a while but the adrenaline sure helped with that.
Did Alec see it? Did he get worried?
Fuck, stop worrying about him, damn. Stop thinking about him altogether.
"I have a gift" Eleazar's voice brought me back to the present. "Have you been told about it?"
"Uhm, no. What is it?"
That got me genuinely curious.
"I have the ability to sense other people's gifts. It works better on vampires but sometimes, if I concentrate, I can feel a human's latent ability."
"That sounds really cool." I raised my eyebrows, impressed. "Aro would like that, I guess."
"He did."
I frowned questioningly.
"I used to be part of the Volturi Guard."
I stared at him in such a stupid, stunned manner that I must have looked like a fish.
"I left a while ago. Before that Aro would send me all over the world looking for people like you."
"Why did you leave?"
"Their ways are a bit too violent for me. It is a life I never really enjoyed and once I found Carmen I wished to leave with her to live more peacefully."
I hummed in acknowledgement, putting an elbow on the table and resting my chin on my hand to hear the rest.
"Now, I am not saying you shouldn't accept the position Aro wants to offer you" he proceeded carefully, picking his words, "but we have made a discovery that could affect your decision. I feel like it's my obligation to tell you."
Tanya was sauteing something and I looked at her when I felt my skin tingling under her gaze.
"They abuse their power." She cut him to the chase. "More often than any of us would ever like to accept."
"That's it?" I was less than impressed by that information and didn't hide my disappointment. "You're telling me the people in power abuse it? I'm shocked."
Eleazar didn't appreciate my sarcasm.
"You're very cynical for someone so young." His own disappointment was also evident and it was clear to me that he also started to dislike me.
I merely shrugged. "I'm Brazilian. Our politics are... interesting."
"Regardless" he shook his head, determined to get his point across, "your gift is very strong, Marina. Even now as you are human I can tell. Please consider this very carefully. If you put yourself at their service you will be putting your power into their hands for them to do as they please with it and we have evidence of how dangerous that would be. They very frequently use their need to uphold the law and bring criminals to justice to hide their true agenda. We cannot live in true peace, and by we I mean all vampires, if no one is capable of standing against them. That is why they are always on the outlook for more powerful members."
I groaned. I was too tired and too hungry to think about such important matters and the smell of food was impregnating the air. Tanya finally put a plate full of warm food in front of me and I attacked it so voraciously that I nearly forgot to thank her. She had made me some meat with a few vegetables and it all seemed familiar and harmless enough to not cause me any allergies after all. After serving me and answering my 'thank you' she excused herself from the kitchen.
She would probably hear us anyway from any point in the house but I appreciated the gesture.
"Please, Marina" Eleazar continued as I blew on the food I put on my fork. "The Volturi hold a grudge against our family. They will not forget or forgive what happened eleven years ago, the fact that they took you is proof of that. Aro has done it time and time again over the years and he will keep doing it for as long as he has the power to; he annihilates entire covens to keep their most gifted members for himself. Whatever he told you about the confrontation that almost took place between our covens years ago is probably a distorted version of the truth."
I ate eagerly as I heard him and used the time I took to chew to consider my answer. Whatever the truth about that event happened to be I was sure I would never have it from anyone's mouth. Aro gave me his distorted version of it and Eleazar could give me his, but the actual truth would lie somewhere in between.
"I can see why you are worried, though not why you are so worried. I could hardly make such a difference."
His face fell a little and he smiled bitterly.
"Once you are one of our kind it's bound to be heightened. As it is now it's already quite something."
"Ok, now I'm just way too curious. What is it? I thought I could make people stop moving but it seems to be more than that."
"It's a lot more incapacitating than that" he agreed. "It blocks any type of defence your target could use. Anything offensive or defensive becomes useless." He paused and I thought he wouldn't say anything else, but then he added "it's not that common to find someone with a physical gift. Most of our gifts work solely on the mind, creating illusions and not truly affecting the world around us."
"Do you know anyone else with a gift like mine in that sense?" I felt like I was interrogating him but could barely help myself. I was still very curious about the supernatural and was never really given much information in Volterra. Eleazar nodded.
"Yes, we do, in fact. Maybe one day you could meet them."
If you don't end up in the guard, he means.
"Can I use it on more than one person?" I asked, suddenly remembering what Bella said earlier, but he shook his head.
"I can't feel it that well yet."
Either that or he would rather not let me know its full extension.
I finished my food before continuing our conversation and he waited in silence, letting me mull everything over.
"You used to work for them. Was it really all that bad?"
He looked away from me, but only for a second. "It is a violent life. And you wouldn't have it as I did, you would be on the battlefront. A true soldier."
A hunter and a soldier. Like Alec.
"It is an unforgiving lifestyle." He moved in his seat unnecessarily. I put my fork down and sighed.
"There are two types of people that rise to power." I crossed my legs under the table and rested my chin on my hands again, tired of the trip and the talking. "The ones who seek it because they are corrupt and the ones who get corrupted by it. There is no such thing as a benevolent ruler."
Eleazar was visibly saddened by my declaration. If he was still deciding whether he liked me or not that was the final nail in my coffin.
"And which one are you?" He spewed out, getting up and leaving the room before I could even think of answering.
I inhaled sharply and closed my eyes, massaging my temples. I suddenly felt like I would end up not sleeping at all that night.
a/n: the song Marina was singing is a popular children's song known by "Se essa rua fosse minha" (If this street were mine) or by "Nesta rua" (In this street). There are many versions of the lyrics but their meaning doesn't change much.
I went over the entire story to correct any mistakes and something happened with the formatting. everything that was in italic is not anymore lol sorry about that but I have no idea how to fix it, hope it doesn't make that much of a difference. I also post on ao3 and wattpad and this only happened here, so I really don't know why
