A/N: Crossover characters Athena Cykes, Cameron MacCloud, Yume and Baiken will guest star in this chapter and will appear for the rest of the season once again.
In this fifty-eighth review episode, Team RWBY is visited by four familiar friends from Earth that they've established over the course of their social event back over a year prior to the present, who were now still immortal from the events of their adventure. To celebrate their reunion, team RWBY look at another underrated romantic drama based on the Mark Helprin 1983 novel directed by Academy Award-winning screenwriter Akiva Goldsman, Winter's Tale.
Original Story and Originally Written by Myself
"Welcome back, guys.", Ruby said as she, Yang, Blake and Weiss were delighted to see familiar friends that they last saw since their social event in November 2020 as it was late April 2022 in the present time.
Those friends in particular were Athena Cykes, Cameron MacCloud, Yume and Baiken. The four didn't have any changes in their attire or hairstyle ever since the last time they last saw each other,
Athena greets back, "How are you girls hanging?"
"We're good. Recently graduated and are currently serving as alumni huntresses to Beacon Academy.", Ruby said.
The orange-haired attorney noticed, "Nice hairstyles and outfits, girls. Suits you.", saying this to Ruby, Blake and Weiss as the three thanked her.
"It's been a while since we last saw you guys.", Yang said, "Everything good back on Earth so far?"
Athena recounts, "Yeah, everything's been going well. Been playing and reviewing some bad games from the 80s lately... I recently moved my gaming room from upstairs to downstairs in my house. However, I've been getting pranked a few times recently, most notably when I played the Bugs Bunny Birthday Blowout and Crazy Castle games..."
"That sounds cool, yet strange that these pranks were put upon you.", said Blake.
Cameron said, "We're also sad that a lot of things happened ever since the end of the social event, especially during the theatrical recession this year... Movies have been moved or bought by streaming services although there was not even a pandemic going on... But hey, at least gen:LOCK Season 2 came out on HBO Max, and I've seen it... Yet I can't believe that I myself, Yasamin and Valentina become part of the Flow of nanites or something to save the day in the end...! I can't describe how sad it was seeing how suicidal my character was in the second season's fifth episode after Kazu died in the show!"
"Did he?", team RWBY worried.
The blonde gen:LOCK recruit replied, "Not in actuality. In the show. Even Kazu watched the new season of gen:LOCK and he didn't like how he was killed off. It was quite better than the first...? But anyways, we're doing fine back in the Anvil."
"As for me, my life back in Edo Island has been going peacefully and been getting a lot better. Been spending quality time with my friends Inori, Millia, May and Jam, my wife Aria, and my daughter Dizzy, back in my Okuku-begeisha, the Samurai Kingdom. Recently heard and saw the news that I was in the Guilty Gear: Strive game as part of the DLC character line-up...but my voice... My character in the game sounded like she had a Texas accent... I don't sound like that! But at least it's dubbed in English at last! Me, May, Jam, Millia and Inori did play Strive earlier, and it was awesome.", Baiken told.
Weiss asked, "So no problems lately?"
"All was well thus far.", the pink-haired samurai told, "The recession of movies and games that happened recently was getting to be a real pain in the ass though."
Team RWBY said in unison, "We know."
"So what were you four doing today?", Yume nicely asked.
Ruby chroniclized, "We just finished our review of the film Bridge to Terabithia, and...you know, now that you guys have come back after a while, we're now thinking of doing another."
"So...what film were you guys thinking?", Athena questioned.
The leader of team RWBY replied, "We'll decide. Actually, I just figured out what we're gonna review next. Maybe we can review that romantic-fantasy-drama film directed by the Oscar-winning screenwriter of A Beautiful Mind?"
"You mean the one featuring Colin Farrell and that girl from Downton Abbey?", Ruby's elder sister asks.
Ruby nods, "That's what I had in mind."
"We're gonna go get our luggage back at the entrance. See you guys later! Have fun!", reminded Cameron and Baiken as they, Athena and Yume left to get their luggage to settle in after they had arrived via shuttle like last time.
Team RWBY's Commentary of Winter's Tale (Part 1)
"Released in 2014 and directed by Akiva Goldsman in his directorial debut, who had wrote well-recieved screenplays for Ron Howard films such as A Beautiful Mind, Cinderella Man and The Da Vinci Code, Winter's Tale was based on the 1983 novel by Mark Helprin, which tells the love story between a man and a woman that is set in a mythical New York City with a Edwardian twist and a horse named Athansor. But here's the main problem with this. How could a 672-page novel be adapted into such an underwhelming movie?", Ruby starts off.
Yang told, "What we didn't know about Akiva Goldsman, is that he also wrote such bad films including Batman Forever, Batman & Robin, the 1998 Lost in Space movie, Rings, The 5th Wave, and even Stephen King's The Dark Tower! Now that is clearly a bad sign that a former Academy Award-winner's writing has becoming worse and worse."
"As much as you expect, the film bombed at the box office and recieved negative reception from critics and audiences, since it came out the EXACT same time as another romantic films, which were the remakes of Endless Love and About Last Night, as well as the blockbusters like the Robocop remake and The LEGO Movie.", Blake described.
Weiss shrugs, "Who knew how three romance movies came out the exact same weekend right on time for Valentine's Day? Anyways, let's see what this wintery tale has to offer...not referring to my sister also named Winter...this is Winter's Tale."
Winter's Tale
"The film opens in New York City in the year 2014...just moments before it shifts to New York City in the year 1895 just a minute after. Is this...gonna be entirely a flashback or something? Because the story continuity consistencies are already starting to be confusing already!", the leader of team RWBY issued before referring about the director Akiva Goldsman, "This is the same guy who co-wrote the story behind Transformers 5, people!", referencing Transformers: The Last Knight, "We see an immigrant couple entering Manhattan with their infant son but are refused entry due to diagnosing tuberculosis. Great, I suppose they're strict of risking a tuberculosis pandemic or something..."
The elder sister of Ruby continues, "As the parents were forced to sail back to their homeland, they send their CG baby adrift back to New York.", as she and her teammates watch said scene with the baby floating on the model of the ship and floating back to New York before doubting, "This is reminding us of Renesmee's CG baby face, isn't it?", resuming, "We cut to 1916, where we are introduced to Peter Lake, played by Colin Farrell. He grew up to become a thief raised by Pearly, played by Russell Crowe. Not surprising to see that Crowe and Goldsman are not strangers to the latter's films. Of course we know Russell has been in the films Akiva wrote like A Beautiful Mind and Cinderella Man, but from what people expected from him in the movie was pretty much the opposite."
"We're not saying Crowe's a bad actor, it's just that after two great films that he had been involved with Goldsman, this may be where it reaches an all-time low. Not to mention that he is playing as the movie's villain, who tries his best in sounding and acting like a evil villain. Hell, his performance in Unhinged was more sinister than this!", the female Faunus told, "Anyways, Peter sees a white horse, which surprisingly isn't named in this movie. In the book, the horse is named Athansor, which sounds like a great epic name for a white house. But here, although Athansor was used in this movie like in the book, the horse is almost never been given a name at all, and instead mostly referred to as Horse. Centaurworld done that recently, but just give this one a name at least!", exampling as they saw snippets of Peter saying the horse's name as Horse to prove her point.
"What is its name supposed to be? Winter? Title drop?", the Schnee heiress says, "Not referring about my sister named Winter though.", then saying, "Peter rides the horse which reveals its ability to fly, as we are also introduced to the love interest named Beverly Penn, played by Jessica Brown Findlay, with her father Issac, played by William Hurt.", witnessing a snippet of Beverly telling the optometrist visiting that he never thinks he's as old as he's ever going to get, "Okay, first of all, we're immortal, so we know we'll never get old. And second, why does every time we hear her in this film, we expect Lenore from Castlevania to show up? She's the same voice actress for her after all!", then seeing Beverly in the scene talk as the lens flares start to appear into view, "Okay, this is where it shows the film's use of lens flares is done wrong."
Ruby told, "In films like Star Trek, the lens flares are edited in to show the epic visual style that felt unique in some ways. Though people had a slight issue with how frequent the lens flares are throughout the movie, they weren't edited in too much to blind the scenery the films are supposed to show. Here, it is used too much. The shot where the lens flares are shining everywhere that reflects light, this was trying to be J.J. Abrams, Steven Spielberg, Michael Bay and Christopher Nolan at the same time. Might as well add a reflecting object like a disco ball instead, that would've worked nicely!", then replying when Beverly asks her optometrist if she could get glasses for seeing light, "If you want to experience the plentiful art of lens flares, then be my guest."
"Peter meets up with his friend Cecil, as he plans to adopt the horse as his partner and assigns him to keep the horse in the stable.", Yang abstracts as they saw Cecil flip the coin he has, "Heads. You lose.", progressing, "We cut to a scene with Pearly and one of his henchmen discuss the next logical step of their plan.", hearing their conversation which the man has a bounty of $500 while the horse has the same bounty, "Um, really? They clearly saw the horse had wings, so shouldn't be a lot higher than just $500? Imagine what a pegasus could cost! It'd be $500,000 or more for that matter!", then reacting to Pearly showing a magical hologram of the city and saying 'Yahtzee!', the four girls spectating then laughed, "Hearing characters say 'Yahtzee' is pure comedy gold.", imagining a clip of Nana from The Visit yelling 'YAHTZEE!' playing over the scene.
Blake outlined, "While Pearly and his men search for Peter and the horse, Peter soon breaks into Beverly's place to rob the safe but is entranced by her...classical piano music...and they then meet for the first time.", but then heard Peter say 'Squeaks' as he tests the squeaky floorboard, "Somebody should really fix the floorboards in this place. I'm just passing through, that's all.", then hearing Beverly say to Peter that he has a gun, "Are you planning to murder me? I'm gonna call the police since you broke in, so... Yeah.", resuming, "They have a nice conversation afterwards, which, to its credit, does start off pretty well with this couple, although its pretty strange of how there's no urgency shown expressively. For a guy who just broke into someone's house, he's really getting a lot of attention.", then seeing Peter ask the horse what it got himself into.
"I think you've found me the love of my life.", mimicks Weiss, "Pearly and his men have a meal at a restaurant where he then orders something pretty strange.", as they saw Pearly ask the waiter if he would have a South African spotted eagle owl pan-fried with potatoes and parsley on top, "And I would like it with some fava beans and a nice chianti with it if you could, please.", hearing the waiter apologize that they don't have any owl before Pearly's face suddenly demonifies and he slashes the waiter's throat, startling the four members of team RWBY as they shouted in fright, "Oh, good gods!", seeing this as Weiss referenced, "Who never thought PG-13 could have some bloody and horrifying scenes like this? This is making that old lady from Legion look like a match for him!"
The red-black-haired huntress noted, "I also forgot to mention that there's a symbolic image of a woman looking up at the moon. You would soon start to notice that it is prominently seen in the movie that represents the miracle Peter soon has to fulfill. Not to mention that Pearly actually drew the image in blood in the earlier scene!", synopsizing, "Peter visits Graham Greene's character who tells him about his miracle as well as the importance of the white horse, while Pearly meets up with Beverly with plans to kill her but Peter arrives to rescue her.", seeing said scene take place as Pearly shouted 'NO!', "I was there first! I was coming in for the kill anyway! Literally!", soon summarizing, "The chase is on, but the horse helps our heroes go on the icy river to safety.", observing the clip of one of Pearly's henchmen shooting one of their own after they failed to kill them, "Guess he's laid to rest."
"Peter and Beverly go to her summer house as he earns the respect of her father for protecting her.", the blonde huntress said as the four then saw a scene where Peter and Beverly were strolling around as he told her that Pearly took her in with the prospect that he may be talented while she says it wasn't for his singing, "Well, I really hope your role as the Penguin in the Robert Pattinson Batman movie gets an Oscar. Your role for In Bruges would got an Oscar for your performance...", also reacting to both Peter and Beverly naming the constellations in the stars, "Oh, come on! What is it with constellations?! So what, are you going to go over all the Greek gods and goddesses? This is getting way too complicated!"
The black-haired huntress described next, "Pearly then seeks help from the Devil named Lucifer, played by-", before witnessing the character was played none other than Will Smith, "Wait... Will Smith...?", baffling, "...Will Smith is in this movie? And why is he playing a villain?", clarifying, "Seriously, why is Will Smith playing as the Devil? From what we've heard, Will Smith before this movie never played as an antagonist in any film out there. That was before he played Deadshot in David Ayer's Suicide Squad, but other than that, this was the only time he played as the villain! By the gods, at least instead have Laurence Fishburne or Idris Elba, or- Hell, even Don Cheadle could play this character!"
"Look, I know Akiva Goldsman worked with Will Smith for the I, Robot and I Am Legend, but him portraying as the Devil? I mean, seriously! He could've been the guy tossing the coin! That would've worked fittingly for his character!", reasoned the white-haired huntress before mentioning, "Oh, and by the way, almost whenever he opens and closes his scene during screentime, he turns off a light. I wouldn't say whether or not if that was supposed to be funny, but maybe it's because Lucifer manifests in the darkness with his looming silhouette and takes the form of Will Smith like how Ego takes the form of David Hasselhoff!"
That was when the scene had Lucifer angrily telling him to find another way now as his mouth stretches with sharp teeth.
This startles the girls again as they leaned back in fear, with Ruby yelling, "G-G-G-GEEZUS!", seeing the short moment again, "My goodness, why does his mouth have to be so outstretched like the Ice Cream Man from Legion? I know he's supposed to be an intimidating devil and all, but...man, does this look so bad! And shit-your-pants scary, even! Any one of the actors we mentioned would've had a similar take, but you know what, we can't imagine how it would be like...", continuing, "The next day, Peter and Beverly spend more time together as he helps her father in the boiler room.", then observing the snippet of the two men helping with the boiler as pufts of black smoke come out from the chimneys, imagining a clip of Isle of Dogs playing with Bill Murray's character Boss saying 'Wow!', "Yeah, trust us, Wes Anderson would do artistically great with this movie. Maybe add Mirror Mirror if he would've worked on it."
To be continued...
