When I left the kitchen and re-entered the living room I received what could only be described as a collective dirty look. Both the Cullens and the Denalis were gathered there, only a few members from each clan missing, and they all stared at me accusingly when I arrived. I took the time to wash the dishes, trying to stall my encounter with them and hoping the awkwardness from being overheard would dissipate in the meantime, but it was in vain. The air was thick with their apprehension and their eyes were burning with animosity. I sighed as I felt my eyelids getting heavier and heavier.
"I don't want to be a Volturi Guard," I announced dramatically, thinking the whole ordeal rather over-the-top. I wasn't sure if it was their heightened senses or their age but they all seemed to take things much more seriously than I ever could.
"Could've just said that, you know" Emmett shrugged.
"Sorry. I'm really tired, and not just physically. Aro told me a lot of things that I didn't even process yet and now I have your side to add to it."
"It's very understandable." Carlisle smiled serenely. "Take your time, of course. This must be all too much for you."
"Think carefully, though," Tanya added "Eleazar is right. This goes beyond our family. It's bigger than you, Marina, and bigger than us. It concerns all of our kind, everyone under their rule. Please take that into account."
I averted my eyes, a little ashamed. I had been looking at the situation in a very self-centred, selfish way so far and it struck me that I had a tendency for doing that in every given situation in my life. Again and again I had failed to see the bigger picture and brought dire consequences on others involved.
I had to stop doing that.
"I will, I promise."
I miss him so fucking much, though. It hurts.
Was he faking it? I did think he was capable of that, the real question was if he was doing it or not.
"He could be," Edward answered ruefully "don't let that affect your decision, Marina. For everyone's sake, especially yours."
I rubbed my eyes and nodded, feeling my body heavy with exhaustion. When I yawned someone finally took the hint.
"She has to sleep."
I didn't even register who said it, I just thanked them in my head. Kate was by my side in a flash and would have startled me if I wasn't so sleepy. She put her hands on my shoulders and started to direct me out of the room.
"Humans are not really themselves when they are this tired, right?" She mused half jokingly, trying to dissipate the bad mood between her family and me.
"I haven't felt like myself in quite a while," I admitted as I turned my back on the rest of the vampires and let her lead me to a bedroom. "But maybe I just never really knew myself before..."
She smoothed out my hair to comfort me and I felt like a child. It was different than when Alec or Jane, or even Demetri would make me feel like a child, though. Not like she was looking down on me, more like she carried the weight of her age on her shoulders and still tried to relieve me of my own weight.
" Like a caring mother "
I quickly shut that thought down, unwilling to think of my own mother at that moment. I could never see her again, it would be better to think of her and my father as dead as I was dead to them.
Kate pushed me gently all the way to the third floor of the house and opened a door for me, allowing me to step inside before her. One of the walls was made of stone and had a large fireplace built in the middle; the fire was on and crackled pleasantly. All the other walls were made of wood.
"There is a bathroom across the hallway if you want to shower," she informed me, "and some clean clothes in the wardrobe. Don't be concerned about what to choose from it, we stashed it for you."
I opened my mouth to thank her but no sound came out. I simply stood there gaping at her and thinking of how ungrateful I would be if I ever decided to go back to Volterra after all they have done.
"I have to see my friend again," I said instead. Kate sighed.
"We know, Marina. This is just not the best moment yet." She then paused, as if listening to something but I didn't notice anything with my limited human hearing. "Hm. Well, I will let you get ready and go to bed."
"Aro said you were planning to overthrow them," I blurted out before she left, desperate to shed some light on as much as I could.
"I suppose you have realised by now that it's not the case." She smiled defiantly, as if daring me to agree with such an absurd suggestion. "We want to live our lives with our loved ones, in peace. Just like you."
With that she left before I could say anything else. The door closed softly behind her.
I was a little frustrated with how things were going between the vegetarians and me but shook it off and went to the bathroom to shower. The warm water and the fresh, comfortable clothes helped me to revert to a calmer mood and so I fell asleep almost as soon as I slipped into bed.
At some point during the night I got incredibly cold. The freezing breeze touching my arm jerked me awake and I shot up into a sitting position, frantically looking around. I knew the fire that warmed the room when I went to bed would eventually die out but I remembered putting on thick winter clothes to sleep and shutting the window, so feeling the cold wind on my bare skin immediately set all my alarms off. I touched my arms and came to know I was no longer wearing the sweater I had on, only the thin shirt I had underneath.
The room was taken by darkness, with the exception of the light coming from the window, and I couldn't hear anything. I tried to pace my breath and waited, looking for any moving shadow or soft noise that could indicate that someone else was in there with me. I glanced at the window and the drapes were open, billowing with the wind under the faint moonlight, but the window was still shut. I wondered how any wind could be coming in when I noticed a clear mist creeping into the room through the gap underneath the windowpane, reminding me of Count Dracula invading Mina's room. My throat closed up, my lips were dry and coarse like sandpaper. My fingers sunk into the bedsheets, grasping the fabric to instinctively unload some tension. I couldn't scream, observing in helpless horror the odd sight before me. When I finally forced myself to act, I made a move to turn on the reading light by the headboard of my bed. I carefully extended my left arm to feel the switch, all the while searching the darkness for someone or something.
Before I could actually reach the switch a cold hand closed around my wrist and pulled me away from it. Another hand slammed against my mouth and I was thrown back onto the bed, nearly engulfed by the overly soft mattress.
"There you are, my love." The words were whispered against my face in a dreadfully familiar voice. Just like he did in the hotel in Rio, he locked me in place with his legs and pressed his chest against mine, pinning both of my arms down with just one hand. His other hand remained on my mouth.
My heart was racing before he was even finished speaking. It reverberated in my chest, pounding against his own chest with the intensity of its beating. He was so close that I felt the smirk forming on his lips even with his face being as obscured by shadow as it was.
"You are not behaving wonderfully now" he teased, his voice so low that I would never hear him if not for the absolute silence we were in. Where was everyone? How could they not have noticed him coming in?
"No, you have been rather bad. In fact, I believe a punishment is in order," he tutted and I tried to kick him in my despair, which only amused him even more.
He is going to do it again, he is going to drink my blood.
It didn't matter how hard I tried, I could not move. I put all of my strength into it and nothing happened. I couldn't even remember I had any supernatural ability with the panic I was drowning in.
This is impossible. He would never get inside this house and stay for this long completely undetected .
I proudly realised I had to be dreaming.
Even with that notion in mind I didn't manage to wake myself up. I was trapped inside that nightmare.
Edward, are you there? Come to my room and wake me up, please. WAKE ME UP!
The invisible creature that was undoubtedly a version of Alec my mind was using to torture itself lowered its head to my neck and parted its lips.
"I will be gentle, don't worry" he vowed, always using the mocking tone I had learnt to despise and that was so his . He smiled wider against my skin before touching it with his teeth, dragging them along my neck to prolong the moment. To savour it, to torture me or for both reasons.
What if I'm not sleeping? What if this is real and I'm just in denial?
"We're going to have so much fun together. I'll tell you everything I did to your pet little boy, then."
His cool breath hitting my skin only added to the cold I was already feeling, setting off goosebumps along my bare arms, but his proximity lit a fire in my core and I was filled with both thrill and dread as I tried to anticipate his next move. I wanted to feel his tongue on my neck again as much as I wanted him to get up and go away.
He bit down and it was another sample of Jane's fire.
I kicked harder, still to no avail, and barely heard his low laughter amidst the flames of the inferno he threw me into. I shut my eyes and made a final plea, trying to yell with the voice of my mind.
SOMEONE PLEASE WAKE ME UP!
"Marina!"
It was all gone. I opened my eyes and everything had vanished; the darkness and the mist, the burning sensation in my veins, the weight on top of me. I was still in the same bed, but the fire was only present in the fireplace, the drapes were shut and the lights were on. The Denalis were eyeing me with worry and Edward held me by my upper arms, not touching me directly because I was still wearing the sweater I put on after I showered.
I was panting. My heart was still slowing down.
"That was so real. I thought... I thought he was here."
"Just a nightmare," he assured me. "Sorry I didn't hear you sooner. I was a bit far from the house."
"It's fine. Thanks."
"You should go back to sleep," Carmen suggested. "It's still very early." I looked at her and noticed Eleazar was by her side, but I couldn't decipher his expression.
"Drink some water."
Garrett was offering me a glass and I frowned in confusion.
"You don't think I'm a spy?"
He snorted. "You're traumatised, that's what you are."
I laughed weakly and took the glass from him, gulping the water down so fast I nearly choked. I put it on the bedside table and looked back at Carmen.
"I don't think I could sleep anymore, even if I tried. What time is it?"
"It's not five in the morning yet."
"I'm very awake now. God, I might never sleep again."
The irony of that declaration was not lost on me, but mercifully none of them commented on it.
"Let's all go downstairs then. Carlisle should talk to you." She gestured for me to come with them and I complied.
I remembered Kate listening in to something before I went to sleep and wondered if Carlisle spoke to Aro.
"Not yet, but don't worry. It's not bad news." Edward answered my thoughts again. Would I ever get used to it?
He chuckled. "I hope so."
I followed them back downstairs thinking of how he chose to phrase it. It's not bad news , he had said, instead of it's good news . Why would he say it like that?
"Your level of attention to details is unusual" he commented.
For a human, you mean.
"Not strictly."
Bella was in the living room when I went back there. The Denalis joined her and, as if on cue, Alice, Jasper and Carlisle all entered through the front door of the house at that moment.
"Early riser." Jasper nodded to me playful and yet politely.
"Fell out of bed."
Alice glided over to me and hugged me. I hugged her back automatically, being so used to being hugged by both strangers and friends throughout my life that I thought nothing of it.
"Good morning, then!" She wished me cheerfully. Whatever happened while I was asleep and dreaming of literal hell had to be a little more than "not bad" to put anyone in such a good mood.
"Good morning, Marina." Carlisle greeted me with an equally good mood albeit more reservedly.
"Good morning, everyone. So, what happened?"
I looked at Carlisle when I impatiently shot my question, but he looked at Alice instead and she was the one to ultimately deliver the news.
"I have been watching Aro's decisions. And Alec's, to be safe." I shivered but she didn't take notice or ignored it for my benefit. "And I saw that Aro decided to leave you here for the foreseeable future. We're clear!"
I thought I misheard her. Then I thought I imagined her words.
"They know I'm here. And none of them is coming." I repeated the information I was given so someone would confirm it. Alice shook her head in confirmation, smiling with excitement.
The other vampires in the room were neither relieved nor excited.
"It's suspicious, right?" Bella asked Edward. He hummed pensively.
"Very much, I would say."
I was forced to agree with them.
"I'll keep an eye out, don't worry."
Alice then left the room and Jasper followed suit.
"Does that mean I can stay human for a little longer?"
Edward shook his head. "This might be exactly what they want. To give us a false sense of safety and make us delay your transformation. We have been accused of keeping a human with knowledge of the secret before and been pardoned, this would be strike two."
"If we turn her ourselves Aro might still be upset," Carlisle countered. "He would want to do it himself."
"Then why leave her here?"
No one had an answer for Bella.
"He is giving me the chance to go back on my own account," I gathered up courage to say. "He wants me to realise my mistake and go back on my own, preferably begging for forgiveness. If I don't go in time then they'll come."
Edward sighed. "You're probably right. If you don't go, when they do come for you they will have reason to punish us. It's a win-win situation for them."
Carlisle was visibly distraught. "Surely you don't believe they would plot against us to this extent?" He asked Edward but his intonation indicated little hope in his own words.
"They were actively looking for someone that could pass through Bella's shield."
"To be safe," I chimed in. "Just so one day, if it was necessary, your family wouldn't be able to do just whatever you wanted with no fear of consequence."
That's what Aro told me, at least.
Edward actually laughed, fully and loud. "Do you even believe that yourself?"
I did, but not very much.
"What to do, then? How did they even know she is with us?" Bella began pacing around the room.
"It's their city," Edward reminded her. "They must have seen you and Alice, or someone did."
"Marina?" Carlisle called me. "What do you want to do?"
"I want to hug my parents," I said without hesitation, "and I want someone to tell me what to do because I am tired of trying to get out of this mess unscathed."
I heard a collective sigh.
"She can't go back." Edward looked at me as he said it and I didn't know how to feel.
"There is something else," Carlisle began cautiously.
" Carlisle ."
"Alice has also seen that Aro decided to turn your friend." He ignored Edward's warning and told me, watching my reaction.
Natalia is going to be there as a vampire, working for them, and so will Alec. What am I going to do with my life so far away from them if I can't stay human?
"Whatever you want," Edward said. "Explore the world, go to college, work as many jobs as you feel like, learn as many languages as you want to... The possibilities are countless. You'll have time, and most importantly, you'll have freedom."
"Freedom that I won't have in Volterra."
He didn't confirm it but he didn't have to. He got his point across.
Carlisle wore a sorrowful expression. He was friends with Aro, according to the little bits of information I could gather, or as friends with him as anyone could be with someone like Aro. He didn't want to believe his friend would go to such lengths to plot against him, which was understandable. The proof was all laid out before him, though.
"I was really hoping I could stay human, somehow."
"We know. And we're sorry you can't."
Carlisle began to make his way out of the room, slouching uncharacteristically for a vampire. "You don't have to decide right away. Time is very relative and for the ancient ones a few weeks is not a great delay. Think carefully and let us know. If you decide to stay, I will change you myself and you can stay with us for as long as you need. If you decide to go back, no one will keep you from doing so."
Edward didn't seem to agree with Carlisle very much but I hoped that he would go along with his father's wishes if I ever decided to return to Volterra.
"Thank you. All of you. I know this implicates your family but I am still very thankful that you are helping me so much when we don't even know each other."
To Edward I sent a silent plea.
I will think this over carefully and I would like to do it on my own. Could you let me?
He chuckled. "I'll try."
We had all dreaded the moment Bella would have to leave to hunt, but ever since Alice saw the three kings deciding to leave me there with them we all relaxed a little. She would still not go in the same group as Alice, as to not leave me without the protection of both their gifts at the same time, and they would not go all at once and leave me by myself in the house while I was still human, but those were the only remaining safety measures still being taken.
I was thinking about it constantly. Despite what Carlisle had said about how very old vampires perceived time I was very young and each second screamed with urgency. I also knew that if Alec was being sincere about his feelings it would not matter how old he was or how he usually perceived time; his perception would be different if he was suffering too much, and the longer I kept him suffering the angrier I would make his sister.
I was in a hurry, if no one else was.
Which was why I communicated my decision before they came back from hunting. I also preferred to do it without Edward around if I was completely honest, so I took the opportunity to do it before he came back with Bella and the rest of the Cullens that went with him. Everyone else flashed into the living room as soon as I announced that I had decided and wanted to tell them what I chose to do.
"Maybe we should wait for them to come back?" Tanya suggested but I shook my head. I just wanted to let it out.
I braced myself and looked at each face in the room, taking a little longer on Alice's, She already knew what I was going to say and wore a sad look. "I'm not going to do the right thing, I'm going to do the best thing. The best thing is for me to stay in Volterra."
"Told you so." Garrett was sneering, his eyes sweeping the room before zeroing in on me. Kate eyed him disapprovingly.
"Let her speak ."
And so I did. I spoke with no interruptions although it was clear a lot of them wanted to interject several times.
"This appears to be the best regime your kind has had so far, however bad you might think it is. Compared to their predecessors, they are the best we can get right now, it seems. Whatever their true motives are, what they are doing has been working. It is clear to me that the solution is not to change the system in order to live freely; we must learn how to work the system in place instead. I am not a rebel, I have never been. It's not in my nature. I will take whatever I can hope to get at this point, I am tired of fighting for what I think is best for myself. Whatever is chosen for me by older, wiser people will have to do. What do I know, after all? I am a child, I don't presume to know better. Not anymore. This is what I will do: I will do what I think I can do to work this system in our favour. By submitting to them and offering my ability to their service I hope to placate them. Unlike you, I don't have anyone to abandon in order to go to them, much on the contrary: all I have in regards to a deep and meaningful connection in this supernatural world is my relationship with my friend Natalia, who is becoming one of your kind, and with Alec. That only strengthens my decision. I don't believe all of you can understand and accept it, but I hope you will one day. Please, try to see it from my end. Try to understand my reasons."
When he was sure I was done, Eleazar was the first one to offer his side. "I understand your reason. I see your point and I believe in your good intentions and sincerity, but I can't bring myself to be so optimistic. They will not be placated, they will use you against us. You will be a different person after your change, Marina, and your memory will be less than reliable. They will certainly feed you more lies if they already did that even before turning you."
Garrett was quick to jump in and agree with him. "It is ironic that they would tell you we have been plotting to overthrow them when they are the ones who had, time and time again, tried to scatter our family. And for what? To quench Aro's eternal thirst for power under the guise of protecting our world from danger. You are very naive if you truly believe you can do anything for us or for anyone else that needs to stand against them. Needs , not wants to . They do not accept anything less than complete submission and absolute compliance. The level of loyalty Aro demands from his guards does not leave any room for defiance. Once you plead your loyalty to them you will not be ever expected to question their orders, don't delude yourself."
"I know that and I will have to learn how to live with it. But peace is not a permanent state, as war is also not. Peace comes and goes like the sea and has to be maintained and forever be fought for. ' Si vis pacem, para bellum '. You will have to keep doing what you have been doing so far, defending yourselves and surviving Aro's alleged greed. I will go to him because I believe it is the best choice for all of us. If the time comes that we have to fight you, I pray it will be justified. If not, I hope we lose."
And I sure hope I don't regret this decision.
Garrett stormed out before I was even finished. The rest of them didn't seem willing to engage in conversation with me any further, they could probably tell I was pretty set in my decision. Jasper simply looked at Alice.
"Nothing. Don't worry so much."
With her words he let out a heavy breath and turned to me.
"Eleazar was not trying to scare you. With a gift like yours you will be sent to a number of battles for sure, and have a violent life at their side."
"I'll cope."
Alice looked sad with my resolution as well. "I'm really sorry you can't stay human, Marina. I thought maybe you would stay with us." She paused, as if unsure about saying anything else. When she spoke again her voice was lower, though it made little difference in a house full of vampires. "I know you're worried about your friend, but you miss him too, don't you?"
She didn't need to specify. We all knew who she was referring to.
"It doesn't make sense," I admitted, "but yes. He has wronged me and he's evil , I know that. I still like him so much…"
"We're all a little weird in our ways. And do things we don't always understand. Who understands love, anyway?"
Who, indeed?
I didn't know how long "hunting" was supposed to take, but they were gone for a few hours and no one paid it any mind so neither did I. I was still tired after waking up so early and as I was reading in the armchair by the window of the room given to me, I drifted off into sleep. It was a really comfortable chair and the quietness of the house, together with the darkness that started to take over the sky at the end of another short day lulled me into my nap almost as soon as I started to read.
That was why I thought I was dreaming again when I opened my eyes and saw Jane right in front of me.
I nearly fainted. Then I thought I was dreaming, but the scene unfolding before me was very different from the one in my previous nightmare. Confusing as it was, it made sense.
Jane was, indeed, right in front of me in that room, but so was everyone else that didn't go hunting earlier. I jumped to my feet, still waking up and trying to see them with blurry eyes.
What the fuck is happening?
Jane and I were in the middle of a cautious circle of vegetarian vampires. They were talking to her and she was talking back, though they all spoke too fast for me to understand them and no one approached her. Slowly but surely my sleepy mind put everything together; without Edward there to read her thoughts and Bella to protect us from her gift, she was a proper menace.
I thought they decided not to come.
"You're awake. Good, let's get moving."
I was still frozen in shock when she reached me and grabbed my arms. I looked around, looking for Alice. Was that another nightmare? Wouldn't she have seen Jane coming?
I couldn't find her. Jane flashed out of the house, making me nauseous with her speed. The vegetarians followed us, still talking to her in a disarray of quick voices, some of them shouting.
"That is enough ." She glared at them, her voice resonating with a confidence and authority that I knew she wouldn't have if Bella had already arrived. "This doesn't concern any of you, I suggest you stay out of it. And you ," she turned her furious, angelic face to me, "you have some explaining to do. We will be taking our leave."
"There is no need for this." Tanya spoke up. "Let her pack."
Jane was not in the mood for negotiations, or as I suspected, was in too much of a hurry to snatch me away before the rest of them went back to the house. She had Tanya in pain on the ground before anyone else could object, and she dragged me away before the screaming even ceased.
"How the hell did you even get here?" I asked, too curious to be properly afraid.
"It was a last minute decision."
I didn't push her. I knew how much she could hurt me.
I was still puzzled, though. It all happened so quickly that I was still wondering if I was dreaming. She seemed to be alone and I tried to suppress all the questions popping into my head.
Is she here on Aro's orders? Is she alone? How come Alice didn't see her? How did she just pop up here to take me away?
Infuriated with myself, I also heard another question pounding in my mind:
Where is Alec?
