Jane was not kidding when she said it was a last minute decision. She was in such a hurry to get me away that she had to lend me her shoes and her coat, and she didn't know how to get me out of the country at all. As we distanced ourselves from the house I found myself genuinely worried for her.
"You know you're risking your life, right?"
"I'm aware of that, yes." She huffed impatiently. "You know that it's your fault, right?" She mimicked my tone as much as my choice of words to mock me. I almost burst out laughing, it sounded so out of place, but the situation was too serious for anything to be actually funny.
"I was going to go back. You didn't have to come like this, I realised I should go back."
"It's not like I could bring myself to wait around for God knows how long in the faint hope that you would actually do the most sensible thing for once."
I flinched but otherwise didn't react to her harshness. She suddenly grew very anxious.
"They're coming back."
She turned her head and I followed the movement, but there was nothing in my line of sight or that I could hear.
"This is insane. You're insane."
She sent me the lightest hit of pain, a mere warning, and pointed an indignant finger at me.
" You have been wreaking havoc and I'm insane? I don't think there was this much trouble with the recruitment of a guard in the history of the coven, not even with Alec and I. And we were children."
"Ouch. Ok, I guess I deserved that."
She didn't acknowledge me, concentrated on something I could not see nor hear.
"We will not make it. They will reach us." She sounded so solemn as she said it that I almost forgot our lives were not forfeit, almost let her pull me into her unfunded state of despair.
"I don't think we need to run from them. Let me go back to the house and get some things for the road, I should –"
She sent me a stronger jolt of pain and I shut up. The rest of the Cullens appeared in front of us as if out of thin air and I finally caught sight of Alice, who was brave enough to follow us away from the Denalis' house when she could join her family.
"Edward, don't!" She was pleading as she approached us. I turned to Edward and took notice of his crouching position and his bared teeth.
Oh God, this is it. This is how I'm gonna go after all, stranded in fucking nowhere Alaska, caught in between a vampire fight.
I instinctively grabbed Jane's hand and she didn't shake it off, which didn't encourage me at all. She probably thought we were going to die there too.
"I can't believe you came here by yourself. This is madness."
" I can't believe you bewitched my brother in such a way that he..." She stopped mid-sentence, but Edward seemed to pick the rest of it from her thoughts.
"Alec wants to leave the Volturi?" His face was suddenly blank and he relaxed his position.
I didn't move, I couldn't. I froze when I heard him and so did everyone else.
"No, he doesn't want that." Jane rolled her eyes and I could have giggled at the sight. "Our personal affairs are none of your business."
"He wants to follow her, doesn't he?" Carlisle said, looking in my direction. Jane kept her silence with her chin up in the air and Carlisle gracefully dropped the subject. "Let's go back inside and settle things down. Please, you have come all the way here, we should talk about this situation. No one will hurt you."
I considered her options and she appeared to do the same. She was severely outnumbered, even taking into consideration that I would leave with her willingly. Bella was there so her gift was useless, even if I could block the shield for a little while, and I didn't even know if I would.
She is crazy, she wouldn't have come here by herself if she wasn't.
"Come on, Marina must be cold," Carlisle insisted.
Reluctantly, Jane sighed and began to make her way back to the house. Her small frame didn't help her when she tried to stand tall and dignified as she walked with us and her lack of shoes only added to her vulnerable and harmless image. She let me keep my hold on her hand and right before she entered the house she gave me a pointed look that seemed to communicate something, though I wasn't very sure of what it was. I wondered if she was trying to use her twin telepathy with me and had to hold back another giggle.
"That won't be necessary," Edward told her, looking much more at ease once he heard the news about Alec. I refrained from asking him what she wanted to tell me that would be unnecessary, though curiosity was eating me alive, and released her hand to go through the front door.
The Denalis were not all there, something I found myself grateful for. Eleazar and Carmen stood a bit far from the door but Kate and Garrett were nowhere in sight. Tanya was even farther from the main entrance and didn't approach us even when she saw Bella and all the Cullens going inside with us.
"Marina, do you want to get some things to take with you?" Carlisle asked me and I looked at Jane immediately. Was I supposed to leave her alone with them?
"Go quickly," she instructed me, but I hesitated. "I'll be fine," she guaranteed.
"I'll go with you," Carmen offered. I thanked her and we went up the stairs together, with her keeping a human pace for my sake.
My head was swirling with insistent questions as I bounced up the stairs. Alec wanted to leave the Volturi? For me? That sounded absolutely unfathomable, maybe it was Aro's ploy...
But I couldn't picture him sending Jane there all alone or spreading the rumour that Alec wished to leave him, least of all doing both things at the same time. He had told me himself that their gifts were the most offensive weapons in the guard, if any of their enemies caught a whiff of Jane crusading on her own or of Alec wanting to abandon the coven, they would certainly prepare to strike.
What the fuck was happening?
That question wouldn't leave me.
I chose some clothes and a pair of shoes, throwing some in a bag and keeping a coat and the shoes in my hands so I could return Jane's to her. Carmen watched me fumble through the wardrobe in contemplative silence until I was finished.
"Does that change your decision?" She inquired right as I started to leave the room. She had her arms crossed by the door, standing stiffly but not in a threatening way. "If you knew he would follow you anywhere, would you still go back to Volterra?"
"Are you really asking me if I would take it upon myself to cause the downfall of vampire royalty? I'm a twenty year old waitress, I barely understand everything that has been happening to me."
She smiled sorrowfully and sighed, motioning for me to follow her downstairs. I jumped down, a little anxious for Jane, but when I saw her again she was standing in the living room, safe and in one piece although her face was sour and the mood in the room was heavy.
"Here," I offered her the shoes and the coat she gave me earlier and she took them with an angry flick of a hand. But her anger was not directed at me, I realised when I noticed she was staring at Bella.
"It was not your place to take her in, she is our responsibility," she growled at her, "and inside our city! Invading our territory to steal away a human with knowledge of our world! I will be surprised if Aro forgives you one more time."
"She was looking for shelter with us, we just met her halfway." Bella reasoned, but Jane was relentless. She took my hand again and turned to leave, fuming. Whatever they said to each other when I was absent had upset her quite a bit.
"Jane, please. What about Alec?" Carlisle called her again. "If he wishes to leave..."
"He does not. This conversation is over, either allow us to leave in peace or make your move at once."
No one moved. Jane took it as a sign that we were indeed allowed to go without confrontation, but Carlisle had other concerns.
"Did you get your documentation?" He asked me and I shook my head affirmatively.
"It's all good. We'll be fine."
Edward was not convinced.
I'll sort it out, don't be so worried.
He sighed. I knew he had no faith in me and honestly I didn't have that much faith in myself either. I had no idea of how much any of the guards were ever taken into consideration when the kings decided anything but I was set on doing my best.
They would never do anything that would make them look too bad before your society.
"You would think that, wouldn't you?"
He was still not very willing to let us go, I could tell. And Bella looked at Jane like she was imagining every way in which she could kill the small girl.
"She never really wanted to stay with us, she wanted to be human." Rosalie interjected. "We couldn't give her that so there is nothing here for her anymore. She made her decision."
She sounded more than done with me and the whole ordeal. If I had flown across the world for someone that decided to leave about a day later I guess I would be done too.
I wish I never knew my ability works through Bella's shield. But maybe she was lying about it.
Edward glanced at Bella and then back at me. Would he know if she lied? Would she lie about that?
Jane exited the house again, pulling me along by the hand like I was a little kid. I could hear Carlisle one last time before we left:
"If you and Alec do want to leave… you know where we are."
I didn't think he believed they would ever really leave.
I barely had time to shout a goodbye before Jane carried me away.
"Thank you for everything! Sorry to bother you!"
Wow, I do cause a lot of trouble don't I?
I was very fed up with all the travelling. How many times had I gotten into a plane and spent hours flying across the ocean to barely wait before doing it again?
Please, God, let this be the last time.
Jane tore me a new one all the way to Europe, and to be honest I'm not even sure I can blame her.
"... and then all the blood! Alec was sure you were just dying in the streets of Volterra like a filthy stray dog, do you care about anyone besides yourself?"
"How is he?"
She blinked, baffled. "He is miserable, of course, how do you think he is?"
"Uhm, I don't know." I shrugged and she inched forward like she wanted to attack me.
"I am going to hear the reprimand of the century when we arrive."
I felt sorry for her.
"You got me back, that has to count for something."
"They had decided to let you stay there, I went completely against them… God, I can't believe it. But when Alec said…"
She trailed off and I wished I could vanish from Earth. I could only imagine how desperate and hopeless she must have felt to do something so drastic, and because of me. Yet again I was being the tornado that blew away everyone's houses and had no idea of how to do any repair. I considered comforting her but unlike Alec she would most probably not take it from me.
"I'm sorry. Truly. I'll do better."
"Shut your mouth," she snapped, "I have heard that before."
I couldn't argue with that.
The rest of the trip was drowned out in uncomfortable, thick silence. She spared me a scowl every once in a while but not many more words. I wanted to know more about Alec thinking of leaving the Volturi and about her thoughts on Carlisle's offer but I had a feeling she would have bitten my head off if I had dared ask. I kept to myself until we landed in Europe and had to change planes, but I was completely unprepared for what we found at the airport in France.
Right there in the midst of human strangers, flanked by Felix, Demetri and another vampire I was not acquainted with, and wearing regular clothes like he used to in Brazil stood Alec in all his eternal youthful glory.
My brain stopped working and I took a few seconds to notice my legs had done the same. I watched Jane marching on and him walking as fast as he could in the public setting to meet her, watched them hug affectionately and kiss each other's cheeks, faintly heard him telling her off and observed, unmoving, his expressive body language as he scolded her. She kept her head down and listened to him in apparent silence. When he was finished he looked past her and his eyes landed on me.
He was so incensed that the venom pooling in his eyes instantly melted his contact lenses away.
I snapped out of my haze and took a step back before catching myself, which seemed to unnerve him even more. He strided over to me and I could swear he would slap me, or shake me violently, or even slash my throat right there and then by the way he looked at me, but he instead crushed me in a tight hug and kissed me with a lack of discretion that would have shocked me if I was still able to think.
I am still wondering how he didn't break any bones with that hug.
"What is the matter with you?"
I didn't answer him. I didn't even know what to say.
I couldn't begin to try and place the feelings of seeing him again like that, out of nowhere. I thought I would get to Volterra and prepare myself as I walked its streets, maybe even as I walked the strange hallways of the castle before I had to face Alec again. My heart leaped as soon as I saw him and the flames burning in his eyes told me what I didn't want to accept but already knew: he did feel for me and by walking out on him I had hurt not only his heart but also his pride. When he opened his mouth to accuse me I didn't even flinch though his words struck me like a whip.
"You have tricked me," he spat out, his voice low and heavy with grief, "you made me think you wanted me. That you cared for me. You don't know real pain at all, do you?"
I felt anger slowly building its way up in my belly at his audacity and clearing the fog he installed in my brain, something I hadn't felt since he managed to break me down into submission with his superior skills and his supernatural power. Like a dormant volcano taking its time to spit out lava again, I knew I would blow up in his face if he tested me enough and tried to get a hold of myself.
Keep playing nice, stay out of trouble!
But God did that piss me off.
" I tricked you?" I blurt out in spite of my efforts. "YOU have tricked me. I thought you were a nice, lonely child. You are NOT, you are a monster, an abomination. Mother Nature looks at the likes of you and hides her face in disgust, she must shy away from what such abhorrent creatures do in the dark for wicked pleasure. Just imagining the twisted things you are capable of and how much you enjoy them makes me shudder."
Fuck.
That was the single thing my mind could come up with in the moments that followed my outburst. The words ran out of my mouth freely, all commiseration for his suffering momentarily forgotten, and when I finally thought of stopping the waves of insults it was too late. I was done and the quietness that precedes a storm lingered between us, rendering both of us still. After lancinating seconds of seething, soundless wait I watched Alec carefully exhale and get closer to me. He looked right into my eyes, his face void of any recognisable emotion, and put his hands on the sides of my face. I was very used to the gesture but its context made me terrified of its significance at that given moment. Something washed over his expression, disappearing just as quickly as it came.
He smiled, sliding one hand to my forearm to lean forward and press his lips to my ear.
"Don't worry, I will teach you everything about wicked pleasure."
I shivered and quickly tried to shove him away but of course he didn't move. He just laughed and took it as an incentive to taunt me some more.
"You thought you were going to heaven when your human life met its end? That we are stealing your soul? Heaven holds no place for you" he purred, his nose brushing my earlobe. "I am the closest to God you will ever get."
A pathetic whimper escaped me and I pressed my lips together in annoyance.
He put some distance between us and gave me one last smug look before kissing my hair and letting go of my face, turning his attention to my arm. He analysed the cut I got in my fight with Allegra, frowning at the gauze I had failed to ask Carlisle to change before I left America and taking it off to properly see the cut.
"Not that bad…" he murmured. I tried to shift his attention away from me and asked the first thing I could come up with.
"How is Allegra?"
He pierced me with his burgundy eyes before grabbing a pair of sunglasses and putting them on.
"She's dead, of course. Another human that couldn't babysit not even for five minutes, what the hell were we going to do with her?"
I was desensitised at that point, hearing that I caused yet another death no longer affected me as much as it should. I didn't cry, I simply sighed in resignation and looked away from him in shame. Jane and the other guards were waiting for us at a distance that was nowhere big enough to prevent them from hearing every word we exchanged, but they seemed to be deep into their own conversation.
"You don't seem mad at me for running from you anymore."
"Don't be mistaken, I'm livid." He differed with contradictory nonchalance. "But now that I know you are alive and well I can think more clearly and I see that it was not me you were running from." I opened my mouth to disagree but he winked and smirked as if we shared a secret, causing me to lose my train of thought. "Though I must say you and Jane are both in quite some trouble back home and that knowledge greatly influences my magnanimity."
He put an arm around me and walked me to the rest of the group. Jane was a wreck, I wondered what the guys could have said to her to put her in such a state.
"I'm in so much trouble!" She whined, sounding every bit the thirteen year old she looked like she was.
Alec didn't contradict her, not even to soothe her. Whatever he knew certainly turned any attempt at downplaying her situation into a lie, but Felix seemed to disagree.
"Like you are ever in as much trouble as any of us." He chuckled, entertained by the mere prospect. "Being the favourite and all. Besides, you can't be punished with your own gift, that already spares you from so much."
He had a point.
Jane's spirits were not lifted, however, and she remained afflicted by the gloom of her woes during the rest of the way, voicing her discontent ever so often. I did my best to keep my mouth shut, but Alec was more than set on not letting me.
"I thought both of you would die." He listed every reason why he had the right to be mad at me and Jane for a good part of the plane ride, that thankfully happened in a private jet. I crossed my arms and let him get it out, trying not to explode at him again, but after the first half hour it got significantly difficult. "I thought the yellow-eyed freaks would hold you hostage, maybe even torture you."
"We're fine," I repeated tiredly. "They are nice people."
The big guy I had never met let out a dry laugh.
"I'm sorry but do I even know you?" I turned to him, exasperated. He raised his eyebrows at my tone but didn't comment on my insolence.
"I'm Santiago." He nodded politely. "Nice to meet you." He added with a hint of sarcasm. Felix watched us with amusement.
"What an innocuous little trip you went on, dear Marina." He decided to add to the teasing, though if he was teasing me or the twins it was hard to tell.
"Wasn't it? I would say so, too. They were nice to me, I slept and ate well and came back healthy and safe. I would call it a vacation."
"Glad to hear you had fun." Jane said bitterly from her seat, looking through the window. I shrugged.
"Oh, come on. You'll be grounded, happens to everyone. Everything ended well."
I was the only one to think that.
"You missed your friend getting bitten, though." Felix contemplated, his smile never fading and his eyes glued to my face to catch every little detail of my reaction.
I fought it, but the lump was in my throat and my heartbeat picked up faster than I could tell myself to breathe. I chewed on the inside of my cheek but quickly stopped, afraid I would make myself bleed. Felix watched my conflicting emotions with obvious delight and I promised myself I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing me freak out over that.
But I was a little worried.
"She's okay?" I asked, trying to sound neutral and detached. He laughed and calmly crossed his legs.
"She was alive last I saw her, but who knows? It has been a few hours…"
"Why would you stress her like this?" Demetri complained, looking bored with his friend's antics. "Natalia is perfectly fine," he assured me.
"Apart from the pain from hell, you mean?"
They all stared at me.
"The Cullens told you." Alec guessed. I shook my head.
"No one before them mentioned that not surviving the bite is a possibility. What if I don't make it?"
"No one mentioned it to you because the chances are slim. Most people survive it just fine."
"Well, but I could not…"
"You will." He cut me off, annoyed by the discussion. "Only the weak don't make it."
I dropped it, surprised at how strongly he felt about that.
In the back of my head another thing started to claw its way to the surface of my mind, a faint worry at first but eventually a resounding and insistent shout:
How much time as a human did I have left?
Volterra didn't look so good the second time around. After walking into Alec as soon as I set foot in Europe I began to worry that I would be bitten as soon as I entered the castle. I did ask Alec if that would happen or not after gathering up the courage required but he wouldn't answer me. He would just tell me not to worry about it or distract me with touches and kisses. Felix told us to get a room at some point and I thanked God that the windows couldn't be opened or I would have just thrown myself out of the plane.
You're okay with this now. This is your life and you have already accepted that.
That wasn't completely true, of course, or I wouldn't have to keep repeating it to myself, but it would have to become true sooner rather than later. Alec's hand had never felt so cold on mine and my footsteps never sounded so loud before as I walked to Palazzo dei Priori, asking myself if I was walking into the arms of Death. The sky was dark and starless, obscuring Alec's face from me. When he took me up the stairs that led to the main door instead of the entrance I used the first time I had gone there, I stopped walking and squeezed his hand.
There would be no walking through a maze of corridors, there would only be those doors. What if the kings were right behind them and those were my last moments?
I looked at him, still upset that I couldn't see his face properly.
"None of this now. We're almost there."
Almost there. The edge in his voice was the revelation I needed. I couldn't see him but I could hear his smile and feel the anticipation in his words. He squeezed my hand back and then stretched his fingers, as if they were tingling.
They are, he is thrilled. He knows that once we go through those doors he will finally get what he wants.
He shifted in his place and I noticed that it was because he was literally bouncing on his feet.
This was it. They would open the doors and I would be done for. That was the end of my human life and everything was dark and cold, and I couldn't even see anything.
That made me feel really miserable.
At those final moments I finally felt capable of true honesty. I admitted to myself that it didn't make a difference that Alec was a vicious creature of the night, he was also the quiet, intelligent boy that stole my heart from Luke. He was both the good and the bad versions of him that my mind tried to keep separated and his repulsive nature didn't lessen his appeal as it should.
That is the beauty of a complex being.
It didn't matter that he took pleasure in inflicting pain on me, or that he wanted to curse me with eternal darkness. I liked and wanted him all the same. I even admitted to myself that maybe I wanted him because of that and not in spite of it. Some part of me craved all of that sweet corruption and torrid defilement this new world was offering me and it was pointless to keep fighting it; I would get it regardless, so I might as well enjoy it. I would never achieve redemption, so I didn't bother wanting it anymore.
Fuck it, fuck all of it. I'll just sink down to the ocean floor, I'm done.
I started to walk again, keeping my head down, and stopped at the doors, knowing I couldn't open them. Jane stepped forward and pushed them in, opening them without effort. The lights from inside the building bathed our faces and also shone down on the three kings, who were waiting for us right there like I suspected. I took them in before turning back to Alec; Marcus with his apathetic face, Caius with his serious frown, and Aro with his warm smile and open arms. When my eyes confirmed to me that my fears turned out to be true I took the chance to see Alec's face under those same lights and whisper to him my confession at the last possible moment, taking advantage of the fact that he wouldn't be able to answer me. A confession I thought I had already given but that was so different in nature though so similar in wording:
"Eu amo você."
I didn't have the opportunity to savour his shock. I caught just a glimpse of it taking over him, but before I was finished uttering the words the doors were closed behind us and Aro had moved forward, taking Jane in his arms.
"Ah, Jane. My dear, dear Jane, we were so worried… what has gotten into you?"
Jane flinched but her voice was perfectly composed. "I don't know, Master. I am sorry."
I was sure that if vampires could cry Jane would be weeping. Aro sighed a little too dramatically and smoothed out her hair.
"All is well when it ends well, isn't that so? I am so glad and relieved to see that you are well and back home! But you were very reckless, I hardly recognised you in such imprudent actions."
"I allowed my fear to govern me. It will never happen again."
"Yes, it is comprehensible. A very dire situation… but it is behind us now." He placed a kiss on her forehead and I was taken aback by the display of tenderness. He then turned to me and placed his hands on each side of my face, just like Alec had done so many times before.
"My dear Marina, how wonderful it is to see you again!" He said happily, undoubtedly going through my memories at the same time. "Safe and sound, and so soon!"
"Jane, a word." Caius gestured for her to follow him. I couldn't see her face but I imagined she didn't look much better than she did in the plane ride.
"What an eventful little trip." Aro released me and took a step back. I looked around and found no one but Alec and Marcus with us, the other guards had left and I hadn't even noticed.
I started to feel faint, too nervous about what would happen next, but forced myself to speak. "I'm sorry about leaving. It was not a great idea."
"Ah, but what had I expected? Putting a bird inside of a cage full of cats!" He laughed, shaking his head. "Yes, that was foolish, I suppose. And no harm came to you or anyone else. In fact, I would go as far as saying that this little adventure of yours was fruitful after all."
Oh God, he has to be talking about Bella.
"Uhm, maybe. Maybe not…"
He waved his hand dismissively. "You don't give yourself enough credit, child. But now," he turned to Alec, "I'm afraid you two will have to discuss your personal matters at some point in the future."
"Of course, Master." Alec bowed respectfully but his voice was strained and when he looked at me he had his hands balled into fists. I bravely winked at him and he had to suppress a smile.
The next thing I remember was incommensurable fire spreading through my veins. I never saw Aro moving to bite me, I didn't register the feeling of his teeth sinking into me or heard my own screams. I didn't realise I had closed my eyes or fallen to the ground.
Fire was suddenly the only thing for me.
It was everything, omnipresent and all-consuming.
