A/N: Athena Cykes (Ace Attorney), Cameron MacCloud (gen:LOCK), Yume (Grimgar) and Baiken (Guilty Gear) guest star in this chapter, as they are staying with team RWBY for the time being.

In this fifty-ninth review episode, Team RWBY members Ruby Rose, Yang Xiao Long, Blake Belladonna and Weiss Schnee are joined by their friends Athena Cykes, Cameron MacCloud, Yume and Baiken, as the eight decide to review the 1995 box-office bust that spawned an attraction at Universal Studios theme parks and starring Kevin Costner, Waterworld.

The next day on April 22, 2022, after team RWBY reunited with their friends Athena, Cameron, Yume and Baiken from Earth, the eight were spending time together and at one point on that day, the eight decided to look at another movie to review with team RWBY leading the pack.

"Hello, I'm Ruby..."

"...I'm Yang..."

"...I'm Blake..."

"...and I'm Weiss."

"We remember it so you don't have to.", team RWBY said in unison before telling their four friends, "Take it away, guys."

"Hello, my name is Athena Cykes..."

"...I'm Cameron MacCloud..."

"...I'm Yume..."

"...and I'm Baiken."

Ruby prepared, "We're going to take a look at Waterworld!", as Yume cheered in delight; "You know, that's what the reaction should've been."

Team RWBY, Athena Cykes, Cameron MacCloud, Yume and Baiken's Commentary of Waterworld

"This film is known as one of the great all-time bombs. It was the most expensive movie made at the time, and it didn't even come close to making its money back.", Ruby began.

Yang asks, "But is it really as bad as everybody makes it sound? Does it deserve all the bad press it continues to get even to this day?"

"What's in this movie that just pisses people off so much? Aside from the obvious number one.", Blake wondered.

Weiss told, "Well, there's dangerous waters up ahead, let's see if we can get through them. This is Waterworld."

Waterworld

"So after we get the traditional Universal logo, with Earth still having no visible clouds, we take a quick glimpse into the future.", Ruby said as the movie's opening had the narrator saying the polar ice caps had melted and covered the Earth with water while the ones that survived adapted to a new world.

Cameron said, "By the way, that's Hal Douglas narrating. We're very sad he's no longer with us today, but he helped become the voiceover for many trailers for such great films back then."

"It is an interesting choice for letting a movie trailer narrator to play a role in a movie. It's like if Mark Elliott was involved in a Disney film. And then again, rest in peace, Mark Elliott.", Athena remarked.

The leader of team RWBY admitted, "Although we admit the beginning felt like a trailer for an Al Gore film, but they just made An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth to Power, so it's best not to call this An Inconvenient Threequel."

"So we see that mankind has adapted into the Kevin Costner of blandness known as The Mariner, Kevin Costner. We see him take a piss, put it through a machine, and proceed to drink it...", discussed Yang.

Yume nervously said, "Did he drink his own pee or purify it? Don't want to know what it's like."

"There's a fitting metaphor for this movie in here, but we can't quite figure it out.", the elder sister of Ruby stated, "And just to give you an idea how boring Costner's acting is, just look at this scene.", as the eight watch shots of the boat Kevin Costner's character is on, only to find he was absent in shown camera shots although he had dived into the water which was unnoticed by most of the eight girls watching.

Blake theorized, "He's actually in these shots. He hasn't left the frame. He just leaves such a small impact on the audience that you can't even see him. Heh, that takes talent."

"Maybe like with Drax and his ability to become invisible by standing still. That's a good one.", Baiken amusingly referenced.

"The Mariner then comes across a drifter and makes some chit-chat.", the female Faunus then continued, watching said scene before hearing The Mariner say nothing is free in Waterworld, "Hey, it's the motto the producers of this movie always said."

Weiss resumes, "But it turns out the drifter stole his plant, and an evil band of water terrorists called the Smokers are out to get him.", while The Mariner in the film pushes a lever as it activates something on his boat as it was pulling up a mast, "And now we see exactly what takes up the majority of time in this movie."

"...Sailing?", Cameron and Baiken guessed.

The Schnee heiress replied, "Stuff! Just...stuff!"

"Well...", Athena and Yume try to reason.

The red-black-haired huntress whimsically said as they saw The Mariner sail his boat as the mast was activated, "Ooh, look at that stuff go! Have you ever seen so much stuff happening at the same time? Ooh, now he's spinning some stuff. That stuff must be important, because that stuff allows him to do this stuff! Ooh, look out for that stuff. Knock that stuff over so you can pick up that other stuff while you're busy trying to handle this stuff."

"That isn't just stuff, they're completely different objects. You do know he's on a boat and that is a mast he pulled up, and then he also picks up his plant as he is sailing. You guys do realize that, right?", questioned the orange-haired attorney.

Ruby acknowledged, "We know that, we're just exaggerating. Stuff, stuff, stuff!"

"So he knocks out the other drifter's boat, and the Smokers catch up with the drifter and shoot him...which begs the question why they didn't just shoot Costner, but let's leave the small plot holes for the bigger plot holes.", summarized the blonde huntress, "He reaches a city that sort of looks like a papier-mâché toilet seat and sells a jar of dirt for a ton of money."

Cameron pondered, "Huh. Dirt must be a valuable rarity in this Waterworld... Maybe antiques could play a role too..."

"He comes across Hulk Hogan's barber here as he's told about a map to Dryland that apparently is tattooed on the back of a little girl.", synopsized the black-haired huntress as the character The Nord offers two drinks to The Mariner before commenting about his boots, "I'm confused. Is he trying to establish himself as the arch-nemesis, or trying to ask Costner out on a date?"

Baiken shook her head, "Just say no to the second one."

"Before Costner heads out, though, he's offered an Asian chick.", the white-haired huntress unveiled, "...That's nice.", reacting to The Mariner refusing to accept the Asian woman to come with her, "That was a good read, Costner, but, uh, why don't you try it once more and this time, FUCKING CARE?!"

Yume shrugs, "At least have some dignity along with it.", as they saw two men assume The Mariner might be a smoker spy and is hiding something.

"Maybe he's gay. Did they not survive Highwater?", Ruby presumes, "So upon closer inspection, they find out that Costner is a mutant.", seeing one of the people discover The Mariner has gills and alerts the others that he's a mutant, "What are mutants in this world? Well, we're never given a full explanation, but apparently, they're half human, half fish people that evolved over time, and everybody hates them."

Team RWBY baffled in unison, "Um...why?"

"I mean, we know prejudice is a staple of mankind even for Faunus in Remnant's history before, but you have an apocalyptic world underwater and a guy who can breathe underwater! FUCKING USE HIM!", issued Yang, "You shouldn't be putting him in a net, you should be treating him like royalty! He could solve, like, a bajillion problems in this world, and you're treating him like a criminal? What's wrong with these people?!"

Blake asked, "Seriously, what's with the hate against mutants?"

"Like what Charles Xavier said, 'The mutants out there with incredible powers-'", Athena said, referencing X-Men.

The Faunus dismissed respectfully, "Okay, okay, we get the idea, guys.", respectfully outlining after, "So because the really cool guy that can breathe underwater and has a lot of healthful elements to him has gills, we guess he must be destroyed. But suddenly, the Smokers attack to take over the city, led by an evil man named Deacon, played by Dennis Hopper."

"Actually, something we never quite got is how come they're called the Smokers.", mystified Weiss, "I mean, we get it, we can see that everybody smokes and use things that run on smoke, but why does that make them a terrorist group? Is there another evil organization out there called the Vegetarians? The Shop-aholics? Or how about the deadliest forces of them all, the Trekkies?"

Cameron said, "The term Smoker was also used in Left 4 Dead, by the way.", as they continued watching the film.

"All right, Costner, I want you to watch very closely what these people are doing. This is called giving a shit. You should try it sometime, and maybe your acting will improve.", comments the leader of team RWBY before seeing the Smokers waterskiing and jumping over a ramp while a plane flies over them, "Okay, now this is turning into a water show attraction. Just slap the Universal Studios Florida logo at the bottom and the advertising takes care of itself.", overreacting, "Look out! They're about to do a human triangle!", as they play a clip of a real-life water show of waterskiiers doing the human triangle.

Yume delighted, "That would be amazing if they did a human triangle in this movie."

"Can't agree with that. The stunts in this movie were particularly well done.", Baiken recounted.

The older sister of Ruby said, "So an old man named Gregor accidentally pushes the lever that launches his hot-air balloon that he had in his room. This forces him to leave his friend Helen, played by Jeannie Tripplehorn, and a little girl named Enola behind.", seeing the described moment happen while the girls imagine the part from The Wizard of Oz where the Wizard is drifting off on his hot-air balloon near the end of the film over this scene, "So Helen and Enola have no choice but to free Costner and have him lead them out of the city.", seeing The Mariner punch a Smoker off his raft later in the scene, "Dolphin PUNCH!"

"This, of course, leads to, you guessed it, MORE stuff!", the female Faunus ecstatically told.

Cameron and Baiken exasperates nicely, "This again?"

"Oh, look, he's pulling that stuff! If you start cutting that stuff, that'll allow you to start swinging on this stuff. Push that stuff! Pull that stuff! Look out for that stuff!", Blake says.

Cameron corrected, "Okay, he's actually sailing again. It's called swashbuckling."

"That's what pirates do. Do you realize what they mean?", Baiken asked.

The Faunus replied, "We understand. Again, we're just exaggerating. Anyways, STUFF!", before they heard The Mariner asking Helen to steer while she asks if she could trust him.

"Lady, you're on his boat! What's he gonna do, surrender? He'd be like if she asks about trusting him, 'No, you can't. Whatcha gonna do about it?'", imitated the Schnee heiress, "So he tricks one of the boats into firing at Dennis Hopper, which results in him losing an eye. But our heroes get away on Costner's boat, as he shows his appreciation to Helen for saving his life.", then watching The Mariner tell Helen that it's better for either her or Enola to die now than both to die slow.

Athena questions, "Who the hell says that? Isn't he supposed to be the hero?"

"More like an anti-hero.", knew Yume.

Ruby said, "Our hero, everybody! When he's not busy killing kids, he spends his time stealing from charities and burning down puppy farms. You got another hour and a half with this guy, folks!", also abstracting when Helen undresses herself but The Mariner refuses this, "Helen tries to offer herself to him, but that would require him having an emotion, so he turns her down.", while Helen threatens The Mariner that he'll take them to Dryland while the latter said that killing is a hard thing to do well, "It's not like acting.", while reacting to The Mariner dropping the sail on Helen and then knocking her out as Enola watched.

"So we guess...her trying to kill him softens him up, apparently, as he decides not to finish the girl off. But she soon turns out to be a nuisance as she draws all over his boat and continues to pester him.", Yang synopsizes before they see The Mariner grow irritated by Enola's remarks before throwing her into the water, "Once again, our hero, everybody! Tired of hating the Nazis so much? Why don't you try the main character of this film? There's plenty of jerk to go around."

"Totally an anti-hero.", the redhead archer clarified.

Blake then overheard Helen in the film saying Enola couldn't swim as she dives in to retrieve her, "Wait, wait, wait, w-w-w-w-wait.", thinking, "She can't swim...? She's in a place called WATERWORLD, AND SHE CAN'T SWIM?! We've been through this before with soldiers in the Navy in Michael Bay's Pearl Harbor!", imagining, "Isn't that kind of like being in the Antarctic and not knowing how to put on a coat?! We mean... HELLO! Some things go without saying!"

"A samurai without its armor for example can bring forth risk with their vulnerability. That's one of the main lessons I have in mind.", Baiken taught.

Weiss soon continued, "So Costner swings around and picks them both up. But before they could, I don't know, develop character, two of the Smokers arrive and try to destroy them.", seeing the Smoker pilots during the sequence, "By the way, that's Jack Black piloting the plane there. You'll remember him from such future disappointments as Gulliver's Travels and popular works like School of Rock and Kung Fu Panda."

"Don't forget the newer Jumanji movies too.", Cameron added, "He's also gonna play as Bowser in that upcoming Illumination Mario movie..."

The red-black-haired huntress told, "So the plane is stuck swinging around the boat as the pilot tries to cut the wire.", seeing the part where the pilot shoots the wire just when The Mariner was about to shoot them down, sending the boat crashing back into place and The Mariner tossing into the ocean, "Upset at her actions, Costner does the balls-iest thing he can think of! He gives her a haircut! We're not even joking. That's really what he does.", hearing The Mariner warn her not to touch anything on his boat, "Next time, it'll be a perm with blonde highlights. BLONDE HIGHLIGHTS!", then adding, "He does the same thing to the girl, turning her into Haley Joel Osment, just as they come across another drifter."

The following snippet has Helen saying to The Mariner that she thought they all stopped each other and says that maybe the drifter has food, yelling angrily when saying 'FOOD!'.

The girls were startled as Ruby saying, "Geezus, lady! Did you pass a kidney stone on that line?", the girls watching the clip again with the huntress imitating her, "FOOD!"

Athena, Cameron, Yume and Baiken laughed hard to this imitation Ruby made.

"You always try to find a way to make us laugh.", amused and enjoyed Athena.

"They meet up with the drifter, who, we swear is played by a strangely-identical Robin Williams.", the blonde huntress recounted as the drifter requested to gain possession of one of the women, "So just to backtrack, everybody, the most expensive film at the time included incest, child murder, and now...you-know-what, but we can't say it. How is it that this film didn't connect with the mainstream audience again?"

Baiken commented, "This is getting weird on so many levels."

"We can't even imagine. No words for this...", Cameron doubted in agreement.

Yang then says, "But just as the drifter is about to rock her boat, The Mariner changes his mind and saves her."

"I think it's safe to say this isn't worth any amount of FOOD!", assumed the black-haired huntress, before they saw the drifter come back out after his fight with The Mariner and revealing to have been stabbed on the back, "Oh, no, he painted his back red! That's just annoying!", mocking when the drifter dies from his injury just then, "Nanu-ing is such sweet sorrow.", resuming the story soon after, "So Costner goes to try and get some FOOD! That means he's using himself as bait, in which he kills a...sandworm in the water...that's a bit of a paradox...as he finally manages to feed everybody."

Yume imagined, "I would really love some sushi at this point seeing how the meat looks in this scene."

"Now I'm craving that and fish too, thank you very much...", Blake figured.

The white-haired huntress continued after they heard Enola hum a melody as they feast on the sandworm meat, "So Costner…rather sporadically, decides he does like the kid now and is going to show her how to swim.", before they saw the excerpt of The Mariner teaching Enola to swim, "So we get a good minute and a half of just the two of them swimming, which, after you introduce the idea of...we don't want to know what you-know-what is...it's starting to look a little suspicious. We're not saying anything! I'm just saying that once you drop that bomb, you drop that fucking bomb!"

"Okay, so they come across another trap set by the Smokers as they turn around and try to hightail it out of there. This looks like a job for...", Ruby anticipated.

Cameron and Baiken hope, "Don't say it..."

"Stuff!", the team leader said.

The two replies, "IT'S JUST SAILING AND SWASHBUCKLING!"

"We know! It's just an exaggeration...", Ruby apologized before discussing more of the film, "Hopper gets a good shot and it wounds The Mariner Costner pretty hard. But he heals pretty fast, in fact, we dare say it...doesn't affect him at all, as Helen demands that Costner takes her to see Dryland.", then seeing Helen ask The Mariner if Enola could join them in finding Dryland underwater but he declines, "Oh, yeah, she'll be fine. Just ignore the fact that you just escaped the terrorists, THEY'RE MOST LIKELY TRACKING YOU RIGHT NOW, AND LITERALLY, YOU'RE NOT MOVING!"

Cameron groans, "This certainly doesn't sound good."

"Bad decision, even...", Baiken told.

Yang says next, "So he drags her underwater in this safety bubble, only to show her that Dryland is all washed up. Of course, you could make the argument that the air pressure would kill her and if not, she'd probably run out of oxygen eventually, but like I said, let's keep it one plot hole at a time. By the way, how's Enola?", just before they saw Dennis Hopper's character capturing Enola when the two heroes come back to the surface, "Whaaa? The Smokers got her? Well, if we didn't know any better, we'd say you two were IDIOTS!"

"Figures.", Yume and Athena both nodded.

Blake describes the following part, "They jump in the water and Costner breathes oxygen into her mouth, leaving the Smokers to destroy the boat and take Enola away to try to figure out the map on her back.", as both The Mariner and Helen reach the surface to see the damages while the Faunus imitated The Mariner by saying in a monotone fashion, "You maniacs. You blew it up. Damn you. Damn you all to hell.", also saying, "So as they sit there stranded, Helen asks Costner a question.", hearing her in the scene asking why he didn't accept when she offered herself to her as he thought she wouldn't want him.

"Oh, so that's why!", reacted Yume.

Athena shrugs, "A huge misunderstanding, as you could see."

"Well, it's good to know he's an ethical savage. Trying to murder children, sell women and drowning little girls is fine, but when a lady says no, he knows it means no.", thought Weiss, "So while participating in Post-Boat-Burning-Stepdaughter-Kidnapping-Inevitable-Death sex...which, let's be honest, is the best sex...the mother of all frigging coincidences takes place.", before they saw Gregor return in his hot-air balloon, "Whaaaaa?!"

Baiken surprised, "There comes the cavalry."

"We never thought that would come.", Cameron said.

"Yeah, I guess he got that whole controlling the balloon so he can pick up people thing figured out, but it turns out other people survived as they band together and try to figure out what to do.", the leader of team RWBY then says, the eight watching the next part before they heard one of the men present that it is ridiculous, "I don't think he was talking about the plan. I think he was talking about Costner's acting.", and then told, "So The Mariner decides to go after Enola alone, finding the Smokers' ship and being lucky enough to find a series of holes that just happen to lead right up the boat. Lucky, lucky!"

Yume told, "Convenient."

"And undetected!", added Athena, as the eight saw Enola make a speech about how intimidated Dennis Hopper's character and the Smokers should be about The Mariner.

The elder sister of Ruby told, "You know, it's pretty bad when a little girl has to be your spokesperson in a movie. It doesn't make the hero look especially tough. I mean, can you imagine if Samuel L. Jackson from Pulp Fiction had a kid as a spokesperson?"

"That would be awesome, but it wouldn't help.", verdicted Baiken.

Yang resumes, "So Hopper's character Deacon hypes up the crew by showing them that he has the map to Dryland. This encourages the crew to keep on rowing, which, let's be honest, looks unbelievably silly. But The Mariner comes in after the crowd has left to get his friend back.", while seeing the confrontation happen between The Mariner and Deacon.

The female Faunus says, "Hey, uh, just out of curiosity, um, why aren't they shooting him?! Isn't this just giving him time to whip out a flare, light it up, drop it down a pipe and blow up the entire ship-", before seeing the explosion happen, "Yes, it is!"

"It seemed like they gave him a head start.", imagined Cameron.

Blake reasoned, "Now, to be fair, this does lead to a very funny scene where the one guy who lives a very tortured life looking after the oil sees the flare drop.", proving when they saw the oil man having a moment of relief before the flare explodes the whole place, "Okay, you gotta admit that's really funny."

"So Hopper gets the girl to the plane as we finally get the showdown between The Mariner and Goldilocks here.", the Schnee heiress climaxed as they saw Deacon's henchman try to shoot The Mariner but he simply kills him with one shot, "Well, wasn't that a thrilling build-up to an unbelievable letdown?"

Yume surprised, "That escalated real quick."

"So we see that Hopper is getting away with Enola on the plane. What's The Mariner going to do?", Weiss queried.

Athena, Cameron, Yume and Baiken question, "Let us guess... Stuff?", raising their eyebrows.

"You got it! Let's get ready for stuuuuuuuuuff!", team RWBY all said before Weiss finished, "May the gods bless you, stuff. We love you. And before you guys say anything, it's only an exaggeration."

Ruby then says, "So Costner gets Enola to the balloon, but again, Hopper, being the world's greatest shot, knocks her off.", seeing said scene happen before she adds, "He and some henchmen try to get to her as Costner thinks up a plan, which leads to, and let's be honest here, one of the STUPIDEST rescue scenes ever!", reacting to when The Mariner uses a bungee cord from the hot-air balloon to dive in and quickly grab Enola swiftly upwards when the villains were about to get her, "WHAT THE FLYING FUCKBUCKET?! This whole movie is spent on showing us all the technical aspects and exactly how it works, and yet the last big action scene comes down to a Wile E. Coyote scenario?!"

"Oh, and I just love how they happen to have the exact amount of bungee cord from the balloon to the water to pull this stunt off! What a bloody douche, man! What a bloody douche!", Yang assumes just before witnessing Deacon and two of his henchmen crashing into each other and blowing up as the girls resumes the story, "So Gregor finally figures out the language on her back and figures out the way to Dryland. And of course, wouldn't you know it, they eventually come across it.", also seeing when the heroes arrive at Dryland and explore the island.

Athena and Yume amazed, "That looks like a wonderful getaway destination. Lush."

Blake said, "So The Mariner, of course, says he doesn't belong in this world and decides to go back to the sea. We guess he prefers drinking his own piss."

"He says goodbye to the girl, gives the most non-caring kiss ever given to a woman, and sets out to let people down again in The Postman.", Weiss told.

"We all know how that turned out.", Cameron and Baiken both acknowledged.

Ruby concludes, "Okay. That's Waterworld, one of the biggest bombs of all time...", before reconsidering, "But is it one of the worst movies of all time?"

That was when they made their closing thoughts on the film;

"Well, let's look at the bad stuff. Costner's a bore, there's a ton of little plot holes that do start to add up, and as far as the expensive movie at the time goes, yeah, I'd probably expect a lot more, too. But for what it is, just a basic shoot-'em-up action film, it's not that bad.", Ruby describes.

Yang critiques, "The sets are a lot of fun, you really get an atmosphere for this world, Dennis Hopper is enjoyably over-the-top. And to be honest...we kinda like the technology in this! Watching the technicals of this world is really enjoyable. I like seeing how everything works and functions as it makes the world seem a lot more practical and real."

"But does that make it a good movie? No. But I don't see how that makes it an awful one, either.", considered Blake, "Maybe in a way, that's its worst crime. One of the most expensive movies of all time, and it's just okay. It's not spectacularly bad or spectacularly good, it's just okay."

"For many moviegoers, simply being an okay movie is the biggest letdown. But for us, it simply means it's okay. Take what you will from that and decide on your own.", Weiss points out.

"I'm Ruby..."

"...I'm Yang..."

"...I'm Blake..."

"...and I'm Weiss."

"And these are our friends Athena Cykes, Cameron MacCloud, Yume and Baiken. We remember it so you don't have to!", team RWBY said in unison.

Ruby then planned, "So since that's over with, who wants sushi? Maybe we can get to do some karaoke too."

"You mean?", Athena, Yume, Cameron and Baiken impressed along with Yang, Blake and Weiss.

Ruby nods.


Later on that day, the girls were singing karaoke to the song Open Sesame by Kool & The Gang to celebrate.

All: Open Sesame of life! Fly, open up your mind!
Get down with the Genie! (Ruby: I'm the Queen of Sound, everybody get down! Huh!)

The eight then danced along to the beat as the eight had fun that day...

End of Team RWBY, Athena Cykes, Cameron MacCloud, Yume and Baiken's Commentary of Waterworld

Up Next: Team RWBY, Athena Cykes, Cameron MacCloud, Yume and Baiken's Commentary of Dungeons and Dragons (2000)