I did not go to my room after hearing the kings' decision. I shared it with Jane and needed to be alone with my thoughts, so I made my way to the library. As I approached it I made sure it was completely vacant and passed some time going through a few volumes, all the while allowing my mind to wander. Usually, I would pass right by the fiction section but at that difficult moment I was assaulted by an abrupt wave of nostalgia. I began to reminisce about my first days with Marina, the ones right after meeting her for the first time, and automatically reached for her favourite titles as if it could make up for her absence. I resented her as I assessed the consequences of her actions, not only to myself but also to all of us; she had caused a certain commotion with her refusal to accept her new life and that meant more for all of us to worry about. Like we didn't have enough on our plates… She made what should have been a successful operation and somewhat smooth transition into a very chaotic event when she could have just taken what had been offered to her with humility and gratitude.

The atmosphere of the library calmed me, however, and gradually the high ceilings, combined with the smell of old paper and leather helped me to see through my heartache.

She had no long-term vision, I had to remind myself. Her dull human life was all she had ever known and she could not recognise nor comprehend the grandeur of what had been given to her. After a few hours of pacing the corridors in our library my grief slowly diminished and I could feel sympathy for her again. She was obviously still acting out of her fear of the unknown and had no proper notion of time. All her afflictions were so very immediate and so ephemeral… She might not even realise how much she hurt me by leaving the castle.

Even as I reminded myself of her human limitations, I still couldn't completely forgive her. She should recognise those limitations as well and let us decide for her. We were older and wiser, she should have known her place and just taken our word, especially Aro's - he who could know everything there was to know about a person and who knew everything that ever passed through her mind. How could she not see that?

She can't see it because she is plagued by the arrogance of the youth.

We should have knocked it out of her before she caused trouble.

Eventually, I faintly heard someone making their way to the library and organised the books back on their shelves, planning on leaving before they arrived. I was already quite far from there when I was found and it became clear that they were not headed to the library, but to wherever I happened to be. Demetri, Chelsea and Corin cornered me and exchanged worried glances.

Oh God, is this an intervention?

I believed I couldn't feel more ashamed than I did after my public meltdown but I was wrong. When Chelsea scanned my face with eyes full of pity I had to fight the urge to run and hide from her. I shoved my hands into my pockets to prevent me from fidgeting but clenched my jaw against my best judgement.

"Alec, we worry for you. Are you sure you don't want to talk?"

"I already feel better."

She took my hands from my pockets and enveloped them with hers.

"Aro has sent me to talk to you," she admitted. "I told him there is nothing to worry about, but he wanted to be sure. How do you feel right now?"

"I'm mad at her. But mostly I'm afraid she will not come back unharmed."

"I can feel her now," Demetri informed me. "She is in Alaska. Didn't die on the streets like a dog… not so far, at least." He alluded to the worries I voiced before we watched the footage from the surveillance cameras and I was too relieved to even be bothered by the joke.

"Someone should fetch her. I know our orders, but I feel uneasy. If we know where she is…"

He looked at Corin and Chelsea, pursing his lips. Corin shook her head in negation but Chelsea sighed.

"Someone already left to fetch her."

"He doesn't need another burden!" Corin shrieked, surprising me.

"What happened?"

Demetri silenced her with a look and turned to me to answer my question. "Don't get alarmed, I am paying very close attention to both of them."

"Both of them?'

"Your sister left to retrieve Marina as soon as she knew that I could sense her in Alaska."

Jane left? Jane disobeyed the Three?

"Are you sure?"

Corin stepped forward anxiously. "Yes, there is no doubt. She left a note and disappeared."

I couldn't believe it. Jane had never gotten out of line, she was an example of obedience and compliance.

Has she gone insane?

"Why would she do such a thing?"

Demetri raised one eyebrow and crossed his arms. "Certainly you already know that."

Of course. It is my fault. I scared her too much and didn't want to talk about it… but to leave like this? Alone and so quickly?

"And what of it? What should we do?"

"We wait for them to return. Aro is sure that Carlisle would not allow any harm to come to them."

I was not so sure of that, but there was little else to be done.

"We are trying Jane's phone, but she hasn't been answering. She will probably pick up on her way back."

I closed my eyes, feeling Chelsea's hands still on mine. The thought of losing Marina was dreadful but to lose Jane of all people would be simply unbearable. I knew I would never recover from that. I should have talked to her, assured her that I would never leave, that if Marina decided to go I would stay in Volterra in pain and longing but I would stay. For her, for the Masters and for the greater good. I would stay in suffering but I would endure it. I had the chance to make it clear and I wasted it, and now they were both in danger. I could lose both of them…

All because Marina was foolish enough to run away.

It all came back to me, all my resentment and anger towards her, a thousand times worse. We were giving her everything, I was giving her my heart, and that was what we got in return. I had believed at first that Natalia had convinced her to leave, but soon we learned that she was the one to initiate the escape plan and drag her friend into it. I did not expect it from her, I thought she had come to terms with her new reality.

The awful doubt wouldn't leave me: was she really just trying to stay human? Was she not running from me, more than anything else?

"We will go to them as soon as we hear from Jane." Demetri promised and turned to leave. Chelsea followed him with a last nod to me, letting go of my hands, but Corin lingered.

"Do you want someone to take over for you?"

I took half a second too long to answer her, having forgotten I was supposed to patrol the city streets in a few hours.

"No, I'm fine."

And sick and tired of repeating myself.

"Okay. If there's anything I can do, let me know."

She turned on her heels and ran, leaving me blissfully alone once again.

.


My conversation with Chelsea seemed insufficient to put Aro at ease. Right before I had to go out to patrol I was summoned to his wing of the castle, where I was led into his antechamber and met Caius as well. Marcus' absence unsettled me though it was not that unusual. I had expected him to be involved in that particular matter since it was so personal and not really a political affair, but he could have extenuated his interest in my misfortunes.

"Alec." Caius greeted me shortly, passing his hand through my hair briefly. I bowed respectfully, happy that he didn't seem out of sorts with me anymore. I had been undeserving of his or anyone else's kindness ever since I saw Marina in the alley, but perhaps once Jane acted out of her unleashed emotions they could see that it was not something restricted to me. Perhaps with her impulsive decision to travel on her own, disrespecting their direct orders, they could see that the circumstances were extreme and I was not to blame… or at least not to be judged so harshly.

Aro quickly took my hand, his smile wavering for the first time in a long while. "My dear, I see that you are not doing much better."

Well, not anymore.

"Ah, yes. The news are enough to sour any good mood. I would know… but let's not lose hope. Marina is no threat to them as it is and Carlisle would not allow any harm to come to her or to Jane without cause."

"Jane might give them cause." Caius objected.

"Let's give her a little credit, hm? She knows better than that."

I used to think she knew better than to run off as she did, but I suppose I was wrong.

Aro winced and released my hand. Caius huffed and eyed me suspiciously.

"You will not run off too, will you?"

"No, Master. I trust your decisions completely."

And I do like to think before I act, even if only just a little.

"Jane will certainly contact us once she considers it safe. You will accompany Demetri, Felix and Santiago to whichever airport she heads to." Aro instructed me.

"Yes, Master."

"They are both well, I am sure. Demetri is keeping track of their locations."

I was not so optimistic and certainly not sure of anything, but agreed nonetheless to avoid any further discussion.

"I would like to say how sorry I am for the way I have been behaving. I forgot myself…" I said and Master Aro's smile faltered once again, becoming sympathetic. He already knew everything I had to say, of course, but I voiced it for Master Caius' sake. "I know we should never allow our private affairs to bleed into the coven's matters and I have failed in doing that."

Caius waved his hand impatiently. "All the years you spent in our service you have never asked for anything. Considering the nature of your newfound interest this is all quite comprehensible, though no less bothersome. Even recently, as you have come to wish for indulgences, you never outright requested them. We appreciate it."

I breathed out, putting my mind and my heart to rest. Aro quickly agreed, further relieving me of my worries. "Yes, we appreciate it greatly, my dear. And I hope you know that you are to us, to me in particular, much more than a server. Your fears are unfounded." He was certainly alluding to the doubts I had earlier regarding the nature of his feelings for me. I always believed he was truly fond of Jane, but I had never received the same treatment as her. No one ever did. "If you ever really wish to leave you would be allowed to, of course. Although apart from the sadness of seeing you go I also do worry about your safety if you decide to leave us on amicable terms. So many battles through the centuries, so many enemies acquired... Surely you can see why I would be concerned for you and would rather have you stay with us?

I nodded. "Yes, master, I do. It is not my wish to leave you ever. If Marina ultimately decides not to stay in Volterra I will suffer, for sure, but I will remain here for the greater good. My personal afflictions are not more important than maintaining the order and enforcing the law. I just wish she could see that too."

"She is young and has only now discovered this world we are a part of. She will see the bigger picture in time."

I thanked them both and waited to see if there was anything else they wanted to talk about, but Caius was already leaving the room. His fingers brushed against my shoulder as he touched me on his way out but he didn't say another word. Aro sighed and smiled forcefully.

"Off you go then, dear Alec."

After being dismissed I carried on with my task for the day and left the castle to roam the city streets. As I stepped on its cobblestones I hoped that Jane would get in contact with someone before attempting to actually retrieve Marina, knowing that she had left hastily and with no plans. Though Carlisle Cullen was a known pacifist, his family could not agree with his decisions and harm either Marina or Jane in spite of his wishes, maybe even both of them. Edward Cullen was particularly disrespectful and devoid of any manners and I feared that he would act on his own account, especially since his mate was the cause for Marina's addition to the guard in the first place.

It was a good thing that I was patrolling and not doing anything that demanded too much focus and attention, and truly fortunate that nothing happened in the city on my watch. I was in no mental condition to deal with another crisis.


Jane called Aro directly before acting, she was not completely out of her mind after all. She followed her mad impulses until she reached Denali but there she stopped and allowed herself to think for the first time.

"She said she was close to the house and luckily enough almost all the Cullens had left to hunt," Felix told me when I returned to the castle. "She asked for permission to get Marina out of there before they all went back."

I was present when she called again.

"I have her. We are headed to Paris."

I could hear her voice through the speaker and itched to reach for the phone, but it was not my place to interfere yet again because of my personal problems. The kings were having enough trouble as it was, with us putting our own wants and needs above the coven.

This is all wrong, so awfully unprofessional…

It had to stop.

I went along with Demetri, Felix and Santiago to receive them at the airport, just as Master Aro had instructed. Demetri was paying very close attention to them and updating us on their location from time to time. As we waited for them, I started to feel my anger resurfacing. Anger at Marina for being so troublesome and anger at Jane for being so reckless, their combined thoughtlessness causing me so much pain and preoccupation.

"Natalia is quite a screamer," Felix commented, the underlying meaning of his words crassly obvious.

Santiago chuckled. "Can't say I'm surprised at all, though I expected us to find that out when she became a snack."

I tuned them out, not wanting to know any details of Natalia's situation. She was still alive and that was the extent of my interest.

When we spotted Jane and Marina my chest nearly burst with the wave of relief that overtook me. I saw Marina first, as she was taller and the darker tones of her hair and skin held a contrast to the airport's bright lights that drew the eye, but her heart missed a beat and she stopped walking when she saw me whereas Jane kept a steady pace. I walked over to my sister as fast as I could under the many human watchful eyes around us and embraced her like we hadn't seen each other in years. We kissed each other and I took a step back to properly look at her.

"What was that?" I demanded.

Her eyes fell to the ground. "I panicked."

"You panicked." I echoed her incredulously. "Do you have any idea of the insanity of what you have done?"

If she could be blushing, she probably would be red to the roots of her hair. She was positively mortified. "I… yes. Yes, I am very sorry. Severely so. I left the castle on a whim and just kept going, blind as a furious bull. I only stopped to consider the circumstances of my situation when I saw the house." She shook her head. "It was idiotic."

"It was sheer stupidity," I agreed. "And it was my fault. I should have talked to you."

"When you said…"

"Yes," I interrupted her, annoyed by her confirmation of my guilt. "I should have made myself clear. I would not leave, Jane. Not ever. I should have put your mind at ease."

"It's not your fault," she differed. "It's hers." She moved her head to indicate Marina without turning around and my focus shifted to her, who was a few steps behind Jane.

Venom instantly blurred my vision when I looked at her again. She met my gaze and took a fearful step back, infuriating me even more.

We were reunited and instead of going to me she was inching away.

It was like she was kicking me while I was down.

I walked over to her, still hurt that she didn't go to me, but ignored the ache in my heart to seize the moment. There she was, perfectly fine, right in front of me with barely a scratch to tell the tale of her escape. I took her in my arms and drowned in her scent, trying to be careful not to crush her fragile form but being much less successful than usual. To have her with me again was so overwhelming that I forgot our surroundings, forgot even that I was on duty and threw myself at her lips, kissing her more desperately than I had ever done before. The conversation Jane was having with Felix was nothing but a murmur in the back of my mind and the horrified comments of random passersby regarding our apparent eight year age gap would go completely unnoticed if they were not so obscenely close that even Marina could hear them. She didn't seem to register any of them; when I looked at her she had the glassed over look she usually wore when we kissed.

"What is the matter with you?"

She didn't answer me, staring at me with her wide brown eyes in absolute silence. Her reaction to my presence was the hurtful confirmation that I feared: that she was indeed trying to run from me. Her hesitation, her repulsion, the horror written all over her face… she had played me, pretending to fall for me, lying that I was reciprocated.

The burning in my chest shot up to my throat and would have choked me if I could cry.

"You have tricked me. You made me think you wanted me. That you cared for me. You don't know real pain at all, do you?"

She winced and her blank stare transformed into an inflamed, feral scowl. I was taken back to the dim-lit dead-end street where she found me after I took care of her human boy and realised that I had missed it. I missed the fierce, unrelenting Marina that had no idea that she couldn't fight us. I missed the way she would present herself before I tried to beat the insolence out of her to put her in her place. I missed the Marina that would never beg, never plead, no matter what she saw coming her way.

And suddenly there she was.

"I tricked you? YOU have tricked me. I thought you were a nice, lonely child. You are NOT, you are a monster, an abomination. Mother Nature looks at the likes of you and hides her face in disgust, she must shy away from what such abhorrent creatures do in the dark for wicked pleasure. Just imagining the twisted things you are capable of and how much you enjoy them makes me shudder."

She spit it all out and froze. Jane and Felix got quiet and I guessed they too were shocked by her explosion. Her expression got softer, her frown slowly disappearing as she expectantly waited for my reaction.

I should have been mad at her for her words, but apart from the fact that she didn't say anything that was not true it was also a merciful revelation.

She was not running from me, she was really just disgusted with the nature of what I was and I worried too much for nothing. I let out a sharp breath as that weight left my shoulders, feeling emotionally drained but undeniably lighter, and held her face in my hands. I actually smiled fondly at the thought of her childish fears, leaning in to whisper playfully in her ear:

"Don't worry, I'll teach you everything about wicked pleasure."

Santiago and Felix laughed behind me and even Jane managed to giggle. Demetri sighed and I pictured him rolling his eyes, pretending to be tired of our drama but secretly entertained by all of it.

She shivered and tried to push me away, which was absolutely adorable. I felt freed from everything that held me down only hours before and laughed as she threw her small fists against me.

A whimper escaped her lips and the sound was so incredibly delicious that it caused me to shiver that time; a testament of the influence I had over her, another short delectable note travelling through the air to be added to our love song.

I gave her a victorious look and kissed her hair before remembering she had injured herself as she left the castle. I took her arm to check how severe it was and was somewhat satisfied to see it was not that serious despite all the blood she left in the corridors.

"How is Allegra?"

I stared at her incredulously and covered my eyes with a pair of sunglasses I had in my pocket for emergencies. "She's dead, of course. Another human that couldn't babysit not even for five minutes, what the hell were we going to do with her?"

She sighed and looked away in defeat. "You don't seem mad at me for running from you anymore."

"Don't be mistaken, I'm livid. But now that I know you are alive and well I can think more clearly and I see that it was not me you were running from." I winked and smiled at her when she prepared herself to disagree with me and she closed her mouth. I listened to Demetri scolding Jane for a moment, learning that Caius wanted a private talk with her in Volterra. "Though I must say you and Jane are both in quite some trouble back home and that knowledge greatly influences my magnanimity."

I was already feeling quite sorry for my sister, knowing that Master Aro would be less than inclined to treat her with all the praise and deference she was used to for a while, but that was the extra mile I was hoping they would not go.

"I'm in so much trouble!" She was complaining loudly when Marina and I joined the rest of them.

Felix did not think so and voiced his opinion. I was more intent on scolding Marina for all the trouble she caused and proceeded to do so during our flight to Volterra, though she was more than unimpressed with the problems she caused and the risk Jane put herself into in order to fix them. After she snapped at Santiago and he begrudgingly introduced himself I heard him murmuring to Demetri how much he would enjoy beating her up in future training sessions. I must have growled without noticing because he smirked at me.

"Hey, it's my job. No hard feelings."

Right, as if.

Felix entertained himself by hinting that Natalia could be dead until Demetri cut him off and informed Marina that she had nothing to worry about. The conversation then took an unexpected turn.

"Apart from the pain from hell, you mean?"

There was a brief moment of stunned silence.

"The Cullens told you." I guessed.

"No one before them mentioned that not surviving the bite is a possibility. What if I don't make it?"

"No one mentioned it to you because the chances are slim. Most people survive it just fine."

"Well, but I could not…"

"You will. Only the weak don't make it."

The suggestion irked me.

I'll be caught dead before I am caught in love with a weakling.

She let it go, though I could tell she was not convinced. She found another angle of the subject to fuel her stubborn interrogation and started to pester me with questions about her remaining time as a human instead.

"Do I still have the rest of the one week I had before? Am I gonna get bitten as soon as we arrive?"

"Don't think about it." I tried to evade her but she wouldn't accept my vague answers and empty offers anymore, she was too worried about the repercussions of her stunt.

"I can't just not think about it. Tell me something!"

I told her nothing. I didn't even tell her that I couldn't give her that information because I simply didn't have it, it was too much fun to watch her get nervous over it and try to guess what would be done with her.

"Shut her up, for the love of God," Santiago pleaded at some point.

I pulled her closer and kissed her, holding her tightly by her hair and trying not to break her skin. She instantly threw her arms around me and kissed me back breathlessly.

"Jesus Christ, get a room."

She let go of me at Felix's comment and tried to put some distance between us to glare at him.

"Get a life."

"As soon as you stop causing trouble and let us have one, doll."

She didn't hear him.


How interesting is the subjectivity of time. A year to me feels just as short as each second of that journey back to the palazzo felt long. Meandering through the uphill streets of Volterra having to keep a human speed because of Marina was excruciating. Her hand on mine had never felt so hot and she seemed to drag her feet like never before.

She is doing just that, trying to avoid what awaits her for as long as she can.

It was pointless. She could buy herself a few extra minutes but it wouldn't matter, her human life was over. Every time she would draw in a breath I couldn't help but relish the thought that those would be her last essential ones, that in a few days she would be one of our kind and I would never have to deal with her mortal limitations again. I looked at her face and even as I appreciated her features I found myself picturing how different they would be once her transformation was over. In that short and painfully slow walk to the doors of the castle I felt myself burning with exhilaration. I could tell that they were waiting for us right after the front doors, all three of them. Aro's words were echoing in my mind:

"As soon as we retrieve her she will be sired, no more delaying."

That was it, that was the moment I had been expecting so much. Jane and I shared a look in the dark that went unnoticed by Marina and my sister smiled at me.

When Marina stopped I almost groaned with frustration because we were so close, but she looked at me as if seeking comfort and reassurance. I was disarmed.

"None of this now. We're almost there."

My hands were tingling with anticipation and I couldn't stand still. I thought I would combust when Jane opened the doors for us and we entered the castle to meet the kings, but that feeling was nothing compared to how I felt when Marina looked at me again as we made our way to the bright lobby and whispered in her native tongue, her words fluid and sweet like honey to my ears -

"I love you."

My mind blanked.

I stopped before Aro, Caius and Marcus like I was in a dream. I watched Aro embrace Jane and heard their exchanged words through a heavy cloud of feverish, illogical sensations. I could no longer feel the rush of blood through my veins or hear it pounding in my ears, but something was hindering my senses. I almost didn't notice Demetri, Felix and Santiago leaving us or the amused looks they sent me before they parted. I nearly missed Jane's sorrowful grimace as she followed Caius away from us.

How is it even possible to feel like this?

"What an eventful little trip."

I was the only one left with Master Aro and Marina.

"Should I leave?" I asked quietly enough that Marina wouldn't hear me. Aro shook his head.

"No, Alec. You should not."

Marina's heart was racing and she looked pale even under the yellow lights. "I'm sorry about leaving. It was not a great idea."

So close, so goddamn close.

If my heart could still beat it would be competing with Marina's.

"I'm afraid you two will have to discuss your personal matters at some point in the future."

"Of course, Master."

Just then Marina looked at me and had the nerve to wink.

Oh, love, how fucking dare you.

I had to fight the urge to smile.

"Let's get this done, shall we?" Aro told me before advancing towards her. I let go of her hand and let him grab her, watching in awe as he finally bit her. So quick that she must not have seen him, he put a hand around her torso and another on the back of her head. When his teeth sunk into her neck she screamed and tried to shove him away, but he was done before her hands even touched him. She fell to the ground, writhing and yelling in pain.

"She is under your responsibility now, my dear." He smiled before leaving us.

I carried her down to the dungeons, restraining her with just enough strength to keep her from escaping my hold. She begged me to make the pain stop, but I ignored her pleas.

"This is payback, my love." My voice was muffled by her screams, but I didn't mind. I was mostly talking to myself, truthfully. "You hurt me so much… this is compensation."

I had another reason not to cut her senses. I wanted to hear her screams, they sounded so sickly sweet to me at that moment. They sounded even better than the screams I wrung from her human lover in that empty alleyway.

His screams were the sound of her defeat but her screams were the sound of my victory.


a/n: I don't usually like to retell stuff in a different pov but it seemed a good idea this time, sorry if anyone is bothered by it. also sorry for taking longer and longer to update each time, ever since my son learned how to walk (and run lol) it has been impossible to write and take care of him at the same time. hope you like the chapter and thank you sooo very much for the reviews, I feel all warm inside when I read nice things about the story haha

muito obrigada a quem comentou em português, eu amei rs gratidão pelo comentário e pela leitura!