A/N: The end of this chapter sets up the seven-chapter-long midseason finale arc of Season 3.
Team RWBY, Athena Cykes, Cameron MacCloud, Yume and Baiken's Commentary of Dungeons and Dragons (2000) (Part 2 - Final)
"Alright, so if we got this right, they have to get the red scepter in order to control the red dragons, but first they have to find this ruby called the Eye of the Dragon which opens the door that leads to the red scepter. But the Eye of the Dragon can only be gotten in this den of thieves which is ruled by this guy named Xilus. He won't give you the Eye of the Dragon unless you defeat this evil maze which nobody has ever conquered.", exampled Ruby, "But imagine before you can do that, you have to trade your rupees with the old man in order to upgrade your sword. Once you find the secret passage, you can then work your way through the forest, defeat the evil dragon, get the Triforce of Power that-"
Athena questioned, "Isn't it pretty much very familiar to The Legend of Zelda?"
"Yeah, you guys get the idea.", the leader of team RWBY simply told.
Yang described next, "So our heroes follow this purple guy who has an eye vagina on his head and leads them to the den of thieves, where Riff Raff from The Rocky Horror Picture Show awaits them. Xilus has a ruby key they're looking for, but Ridley has to get through this deadly maze in order to win it. I thought this was Dungeons and Dragons, not Mazes and Monsters.", seeing when Ridley approaches a hallway and seeing slits of blue light, testing it only to dodge a large axe pendulum; "Yeah, tell me if this looks familiar.", showing a clip from Raiders of the Lost Ark where Indy activates a booby trap with a blue light that he averted.
Cameron acknowledged, "No kidding. They're stealing from Raiders of the Lost Ark."
The elder sister of Ruby compared, "You think that's bad? Take a look at this scene. He can only step on the square with a red eye where all the other squares will lead to his doom. Remind you of anything else?"
"The Last Crusade. I notice that booby trap anywhere.", Baiken answered.
Blake mimicked, "I bet Indy's father Henry would say, 'Remember in the Latin alphabet, Jehovah begins with an I!', and Ridley would reply, 'Yeah, well, they're all eyes! What the hell am I supposed to do?!'", and soon noticing once more when Ridley escapes the eye puzzle, "How about this? The closing ceiling with spikes on it. Yeah, again, ring any bells?"
"The Temple of Doom... They got traps from all three Indiana Jones movies!", Yume realized.
The female Faunus told, "Well, look on the bright side, we can't see them ripping off any more Indiana Jones-", before they saw Ridley go into a room to see a ruby on a pedestal after completing the last obstacle, "OH, COME ON! That's, like, an exact replica! Are they even trying to be original? Steven Spielberg and George Lucas must've been unimpressed by this!"
"We bet they were.", Athena imagined.
Weiss chroniclized, "But the soldiers once again come in to seize the heroes.", seeing Xilus say to Damodar to prepare for a lesson in pain, "There is only room for one overacting bald guy in this movie! BY THE WAY, YOU GOT SOMETHING ON YOUR...", summarizing, "But the captain captures Marina, and the other three escape. They come across a tracker who's been working for the Empress, a saucy little elf named Norda.", spectating Elwood asking Snails if she is the elf he was drooling over as he thought they look alike, "Whoa, hey! This side of a dwarf we've never seen before. We mean, wow!"
"Color us surprised.", Cameron and Baiken said.
The Schnee heiress then said, "So Norda tells the Empress the situation through, get a load of this, a Magic Mirror."
"Wait, what?", Yume confused.
As they watch the scene with Norda using the Magic Mirror, the girls imagine the Magic Mirror from Snow White appearing on the mirror all of a sudden and saying 'You know, she's prettier than you.'.
The red-black-haired huntress resumes, "So we see that the Captain is going to interrogate Marina, trying to get some information out of her. Once the questions don't work, he resorts to...this.", reacting when the worm creatures from Damodar's ears that he been enchanted onto him by Profion latching onto Marina's ears as she screams in pain, "Okay, this has to be the point when they knew their careers were over. Nobody can come back from a scene this stupid. You know, for a movie called Dungeons and Dragons, we've seen a dungeon and a dragon. Couldn't they show us something a little more needy outside of earwax rape?!", proving afterwards, "Well, how about this? Ridley and Snails break into the place and try to rescue Marina. Norda and all her soldiers just stay behind and watch them. Why?", watching the next snippet where Norda tells Elwood that the task is that they must complete alone.
"...Okay.", the blonde huntress simply replies to the scene and then synopsizes, "So Ridley and Snails split up and eventually, one of them finds Marina.", seeing Ridley find Marina bundled in a blanket as she delightfully hugged him, "Marina is like, 'I was crying. I was afraid I would see you again.'", continuing, "But Snails comes across a…quick-rug, and gets snatched by Lip Gloss here.", watching Damodar confront Snails as he mocks that they are thieves during this part, "Well, that is what a thief does. Isn't that sort of like saying, 'You painters always...painting.'"
Athena facepalmed, "Seriously?", also seeing Snails grab a sword and attempting to fight but runs off when Damodar catches the sword.
"So, again, Snails run as fast as he can, but the Captain of the Guards goes as slowly as possible. Hasn't this idiot figured out yet that doing everything slowly doesn't work in his favor?", mystified the black-haired huntress, "So, anyway, He FINALLY catches up to Snails, but Ridley and Marina are there to try and save him. However, it turns out Snails stole the map and tosses it to them.", just as said scene happens and Damodar mortally stabs Snails and throws him off the castle, "I know we should feel sorry for him, but you have no idea how annoying this character was. This is...incredibly satisfying!"
Cameron and Baiken presume, "It seems like it. We have to agree."
"Marina uses her magic dust to zap the Captain and get them out of there, leaving the poor corpse of Wayans behind.", the white-haired huntress said before abstracting, "We then cut to Profion and the Empress—whose dress looks like it's trying to eat her—as we see them take part in the most important debate in this movie. Profion, make your case for overacting.", watching the snippet of Profion asking the Empress to submit to the council, "Yes, yes. Now, Empress, make your case for under-acting.", next hearing the Empress calmly says her decree that Izmer should be run from this day forward.
Ruby supported, "Hmm, well, that certainly was terrible. Profion, let me hear your over-acting again.", while watching Profion in the film arguing at her if now isn't the time they should act and considers the tyrants to go down, "Mmm-hmm, and, Empress, your under-acting?", as during the scene the Empress asks Profion if he finds the wisdom to see that the path she has for Izmer is right, "Hmm, over?", hearing Profion tell the Empress to relinquish the scepter, "Under?", and hearing the Empress explain to Profion about the man who convinced him to take the scepter from her, "Well, I don't see any point in choosing. You're both equally terrible!", and hearing Profion clap and say to the Empress of her wonderful performance, "That's a lie and you know it.", resuming the story, "Meanwhile, at the Keebler Elf tree, we come across an elf, played by Tom Baker, who is healing all the soldiers. It wouldn't be so bad, except for some reason, all the soldiers can see during the healing process is this.", putting a clip from the opening of Doctor Who.
"We can only imagine.", said Yume.
Yang then says, "After that, Ridley and Marina talk about The Artist Formerly Known as Snails.", as the two in the film believed Snails died for a good cause, "All right, movie, just keep telling yourself, 'YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE US FEEL BAD FOR MARLON WAYANS!' This is easier said than done! In fact, it's not even easily said!", before Ridley accuse Marina of being wrong and calls her a mage while she said she isn't evil like some of the other mages, her voice breaking when saying she's not as the eight were surprised by this, "Did she turn into a goose there? She's like, 'I'm-', and then makes a goose sound after.", describing when Ridley soon says to Marina in a confiding manner that she's pretty smart, "It turns out talking about dead people gets him pretty hot, as they share a kiss with each other. Thus, we finally get to that cave where the red scepter is held and Ridley uses the ruby to open the door. He comes across a skeleton holding it in his hand."
"At long last.", Athena prepared.
The following excerpt had Ridley about to obtain the scepter but the skeleton holding it suddenly springs to life and asked why he is disturbing the Rod of Saville, causing team RWBY to groan in disappointment, while the skeleton warns Ridley that whoever wields the Rod will suffer a horrible fate.
Blake mimicked, "And remember to ride the Pirates of the Caribbean at Disneyland.", outlining, "But unfortunately, Minty Fresh Crest Damodar shows up and takes the Rod away. They all transport back to the Empress where...something about controlling and fighting dragons is going on? Did we just skip a scene or something? We don't know, let's just enjoy Irons' overacting.", watching the climactic battle happen as Profion scoffed, "That was good, but it's no Ya-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta!", making the hand gesture again; after watching Profion talk to the other mages to fire it again higher, the Faunus replied, "Can you even understand what he's saying during these scenes?", playing many clips of Jeremy Irons' overacting and mimicking his babbling.
"His over-the-top acting is making us laugh...", Cameron confessed and trying not to burst into laughter when the next clip had Profion glorifyingly saying 'My...destiny!'.
Baiken snickered, "He's chewing the scenery, as you can see..."
"Oh, I just shit my pants. Wait, wait, I can work with it. My character WOULD shit his pants! Yes, yes! Ha-ha-ha-ha! I just shit my pants! Ha-ha-ha-ha!", Weiss mocked before summarizing next, "So the Empress Joan of LARP Savina sees if she can go up there and keep the dragons under control, while the battle continues in the tower. Just look at this riveting choreography.", pretending when the eight saw the fighting choreography between Ridley and Damodar, "Up. Up. Up. Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Down. Up. Up. Down. This is sounding like a cheat code to a Nintendo game.", and then imitated when Ridley stabs and then throws Damodar off the tower to his death and avenging Snails' death.
The leader of team RWBY imagines next when this scene came up, "Ridley should say, 'And by the way, you have something on your LIP!', and Damodar would answer back, 'Oh my god! How come nobody told me?'"
"That sure sums it up.", Yume accomplished.
Ruby then questioned as they heard Profion call out to the Empress that she can run but can't run far enough, "My goodness, man! What acting school did you graduate from?!", and soon hearing Profion yell 'LET THEIR BLOOD RAIN FROM THE SKY!' which made the girls laugh hard again, "I'm turning into a human vibrator!", and also mocked when Ridley approaches Profion in the final battle but the latter fights back and uses a tall staff to fight him successfully, "My sister, my daughter, my sister! Ha-ha!"
"But Ridley gets a hold of the scepter and destroys it, leaving the dragons to finish Profion off.", the elder sister of Ruby Rose climaxed as they saw Profion get eaten by one of the dragons, "I wonder if that dragon's like, 'Oh my god, there was way too much ham in that actor.'", and then saying, "So the day seems to be saved, I guess. Everyone gives a cheer, our heroes remain heroes, and Snails is still dead, although everything seems good."
Athena shrugged, "Hey, we should be happy about it.", while seeing Ridley visit Snails' grave and says he will miss him.
"And then we end with...this scene.", concluded Yang as they saw Norda tell him his friend awaits him as he is presumed to be still alive, with her, Ridley, Marina and Elwood place their hands on the Eye of the Dragon before being transported elsewhere for their next quest.
Cameron, Baiken, Yume and Athena all said, "You've got to be kidding me... They're telling us Snails is still alive?"
"We don't get it, either, guys. But who cares? The movie is over. And...by the gods, wasn't that a lot of fun?", the female Faunus and the Schnee heiress both finished.
Team RWBY then made their closing thoughts of the film;
Ruby wondered, "How can anyone not enjoy this film? Its stupidity is at a spectacular level."
"We've never played Dungeons and Dragons, so we have no idea if it followed it well, but just as a film itself, it's an unbelievable experience.", critiqued Yang.
Blake considers, "Bad films of this magnitude don't come around enough, and when they do, we have to enjoy them."
"So, if you want a good laugh, rent it today, and see what you've been missing out. You won't regret it.", Weiss said.
"Anyways, I'm Ruby..."
"...I'm Yang..."
"...I'm Blake..."
"...and I'm Weiss."
"And these are our friends Athena Cykes, Cameron MacCloud, Yume and Baiken. We remember it so you don't have to.", team RWBY said in unison before the eight girls got up and prepare to sleep for the night.
After brushing their teeth and heading to their temporarily-assigned bunks (with Ruby and Yang sharing the former's top-left bunk, Blake and Weiss sharing the former's bottom-right bunk, Athena and Baiken sharing Yang's top-right bunk, and Cameron and Yume sharing Weiss' bottom-left bunk), the girls were about to call it a night.
"It's been wonderful so far ever since you guys came along.", Ruby told Cameron, Baiken, Athena and Yume, "How long will you be visiting for?"
Athena said, "My shift doesn't start again until next week..."
"So by average, we're visiting for about one or two weeks.", Cameron calculated, "This time, me and Yume's friends are not tagging along this time as they are busy for the time being."
Baiken reported, "Same with my wife, Inori and my other friends and companions back in the Samurai Kingdom. Will return around the same time we head off next week."
"We're very lucky to have friends like you guys.", Yume delighted, "The eight of us really have developed a strong bond since the social event, didn't we?"
Yang nodded, "No doubts. We're so happy that we can have spend time with our friends now that the four of us are official huntresses.", referring to her sister Ruby and their teammates Blake and Weiss.
"Good night.", Ruby said as they shut off the light and settled in for the night.
But as soon as they drift off to sleep, they heard a faint whirring sound just before losing consciousness.
The next morning, Ruby was the first of the eight to wake up in the dorm room.
Having heard the faint sound from last night, she recognized the sound's source coming from the dorm's closet.
Slowly getting out and off of her bunk bed without waking up her sister Yang and the other six, Ruby tiptoed across the room quietly and headed towards the closet.
And as soon as she opens it, she was shocked to see what was there.
There were three boxes full of equipment and outfits that looked very much familiar with the MCU, but with a few variations included along with a mysterious black briefcase with a seven-numbered combination lock.
"What the...?", quietly said Ruby as she thought to herself, "How did it get here... What is this...?", before she heads back to the bunk beds to wake everyone else up, "Yang! Blake! Weiss! Guys! I found something!"
Soon enough, Yang, Blake, Weiss, Athena, Cameron, Yume and Baiken all woke up slowly and yawned as they gained consciousness.
Yang asked drowsily, "What happened..."
"There's boxes I just found in the closet with things and outfits that look very familiar like they're from Marvel... They must be some sort of costumes in here...", said Ruby.
As the other seven got out of bed, they follow Ruby to the closet where she found the mysterious boxes and the briefcase.
Yang questioned, "What... I don't remember there being those boxes in the closet before! Literally since yesterday morning, there was nothing here outside of our belongings and outfits..."
"It looks like there's some equipment in there... Looks heavy...", Blake wondered.
Weiss recalled, "I could've sworn our Halloween costumes from a few years back are packed on top of the closet."
"We haven't even gotten new costumes since then!", Ruby reminded.
Athena said, "How did it get here?"
"Where did it come from?", speculated Yume.
Cameron recognized, "Doesn't it look very familiar to the equipment and outfits from the Marvel movies? It definitely looks like it..."
"Guys," Baiken said as she pulled out her phone and looked at something, "Something's happening over at Sengoku Island."
Ruby remembered, "Wait, you mean that island that you said had only boys like how Edo Island has only girls?"
"Our neighborly island... There's news that something going over on at that island...", Baiken said.
Cameron asked, "Sengoku Island? Gee, I've never been there before, even when we went to Edo Island back when we saved our worlds and saved our friends and your wife Aria during the social event!"
"That's correct. We have to spread the word.", told Baiken.
The leader of team RWBY soon thought, "...You know what? I think we should get to the bottom of this at once. We'll bring this equipment from the closet with us and head there later on. But first, we need to get some of our friends here in Beacon...and get the word out to our friends back from Earth.", as she pulls out her Scroll and prepares to make messages to their friends from the social event...
End of Team RWBY, Athena Cykes, Cameron MacCloud, Yume and Baiken's Commentary of Dungeons and Dragons (2000)
A seven-chapter-long midseason finale story arc is coming.
