Things were getting a little complicated for me in Volterra.
Apart from the random people being physically aggressive in the hallways and empty rooms I would eventually venture in, I was also being berated for my progress - or lack of it - in my language learning and controlling my gift. Master Aro was not impressed by the first in the slightest and Master Caius was all but impatient and enraged by the second. It seemed like every time I thought I was getting something done and going somewhere with my efforts there was someone around to put me down and act like I did just the bare minimum and with astounding delay. I was getting stressed and frustrated, and with the constant violence I was enduring from the strangers that targeted me in the castle my mood was suffering considerably. Alec was the first one to notice.
"That was acceptable. Stretch it farther and hold it for just as long now."
I took a very deep breath to keep myself from punching him in the face.
"That was acceptable?" I echoed, my anger and frustration seeping into my voice. "I could have killed everyone on the entire floor five times over."
Alec's face remained blank and impassive, betraying nothing of his thoughts or feelings about my obviously imminent outburst. "You lost it. You're supposed to learn how to keep it working for however long it is necessary. It is supposed to be lifted only on purpose, never because you failed to keep it."
Failed. The word burnt my ears and soon I felt the fire spreading through my whole body, pure hot anger simmering underneath my skin. I was about ready to explode but I knew I was not mad at Alec. If I should snap at anyone it was not at him. I closed my hands into fists and gritted my teeth, waiting for the rage to leave me. I closed my eyes for a moment and when I opened them Alec was frowning.
"What is the matter?"
"Sorry. Sometimes I get really angry and feel like destroying everything."
He smiled gently. "Oh. You're almost a year old now, that is about to pass."
Not if I keep meeting those bastards around the castle while I'm alone, it won't.
They never seemed to find me when I had company. If it was a coincidence or something carefully calculated I did not know. I didn't really walk around with other people that much, having more free time than any of the guards I knew and even more than Nat, so it could be just a coincidence. I was not so sure of that, though.
"When he was teaching me Italian, Afton said he saw no point in trying to teach a newborn anything because we get distracted too easily. Do you think I'll get better at this after my one year mark?"
Alec tilted his head, as if giving it some serious thought. To me it looked more like he knew I wouldn't want to hear his honest answer and was wondering how honest he should be.
"Perhaps…That is why you are not being trained in combat yet," he finally conceded unconvincingly. "Seeing as it is an offensive ability there is also something else to consider, of course."
There it was, the part we both knew I didn't want to hear.
"I'm too nice to use it?" I risked. He chuckled.
"That is a way of putting it."
He was right about considering withholding that opinion from me, I very much disliked hearing it. I groaned and started to make my way to the door.
"Sorry, but I'm done for today. If I try one more time right now I am going to tear you to pieces and call it therapy."
He put an arm around me and kissed my hair. "There is something else bothering you and you are not telling me. It has been weeks."
I tensed under his arm, giving away that he was right.
"It's nothing. I'll handle it."
He scrutinised my face with a heavy gaze.
"You can tell me things for the sake of sharing it, if you want. I will not interfere if you don't want me to."
It was my turn to analyse his face, looking for any indication of deceit.
"Promise?"
"I promise." He smiled reassuringly and against my best judgement I decided to tell him. Some part of my brain knew that he would never make any type of promise without knowing all the loopholes beforehand but I was tired and felt quite lonely keeping that to myself.
"There are some guys here pissing me off. They find me alone and just beat me up. Regularly."
His eyes darkened dangerously at my confession, but he didn't move or speak for a while. I wasn't sure of how to proceed and shifted nervously in my spot, changing the weight of my body from one leg to another unnecessarily. Alec shook his head.
"You let them?"
"Well, I'm new. I don't want people here thinking I'm some stuck up bitch or something like that."
He stared at me with a furrowed brow, trying to make sense of what I told him. "You would rather have everyone think of you as an easy, compliant punching bag?"
I winced. He ran a hand through his hair and shook his head again.
"Oh, you don't have to worry about me interfering for you. That is something you will definitely have to solve on your own." He smoothed out his expression as he stared at me again. "Unbelievable. It's like you just said, you could have killed everyone on this entire floor five times over and yet…"
He took my face in his hands, a gesture that always felt so affectionate, but his words were anything but that.
"You're being weak by choice. It's revolting."
I whimpered.
He let go of me and went for the door, sparing me one last look before he left me alone in the room.
"You'll never accomplish anything truly great as long as you choose to be weak, Marina. All the power in the world is irrelevant if you don't use it."
The door clicked shut with a soft thud and he was gone.
I didn't know what I had expected from Alec, but his reaction to my confession only worsened my already foul mood. I was glad to know that he would really not interfere for me but I was disheartened to know his reasoning. There was no concern for me and he offered no comfort. I had somehow forgotten how harsh he could be and how much he despised weakness.
The good thing was that once he knew of what was going on I had no reason to keep it from Nat, so as soon as we met again I went ahead and told her too. At least from her I could expect a hug and a word of comfort.
She was ready to throw hands when I told her.
"They do what now?!"
We were out in the garden and her loud voice caused a few heads to turn in our direction. I gave her a reprimanding look and she covered her mouth with her hands.
"Sorry!" She whispered. "What the fuck? And you just let them?"
I rolled my eyes, remembering those had been Alec's exact words.
"What am I supposed to do, tell on them? Beat them up?"
"Hell yeah to the second one! What is wrong with you?" She was still whispering, but her whispers were loud like she was yelling without using her voice. Her agitation was still drawing attention, so I leaned closer to her face.
"Stay cool!"
"Marina, the next time you see any of those bastards you are going to get them so hard that they will cower at the sight of you, do you hear me? You're gonna kick their asses so good that no one in here will even look at you funny ever again, ok?"
"God, Nat, you know I'm not like that."
"You'll start to be if you want to stay here." She dramatically pointed a finger in my face. "This place is not a theme park and I'm not gonna live here for centuries knowing that you're letting people be nasty to you."
I covered my face with my hands and fought the urge to scream.
Here it goes, my last hope of getting sympathy or comfort I guess.
"Hey, come here." She finally hugged me, caressing my hair. "Sorry if I was mean. I love you, Ma, but you can be such a doormat."
I shoved her away to look at her again.
"Ouch."
She rolled her eyes. "Come on. You know it's true."
It was true.
"It's gonna be fine. I'll handle it."
Nat squinted her eyes, probably noticing that I never agreed to handle it in her way.
"Get it together, girl. Does Alec know?"
"Yes, I told him. He told me to figure it out on my own. Actually he seemed kind of annoyed at me for how I have been dealing with it."
Nat flicked my ear.
"Hey!"
"Of course he is, you are not dealing with it at all. God, I can't even blame him this time."
I glanced around, taking notice of the few figures roaming the garden. Most of them were engrossed in their own conversations, not paying us any attention once Nat quieted down. A few were alone and could be listening in even though they were not facing us. Could I say anything remotely private there?
"You know, sometimes I don't know if Alec really likes me all that much. I mean, in a sincere and nice way, you know?"
Nat got surprisingly serious hearing that. She too looked around before speaking.
"He does," she said and my eyebrows almost touched my hairline. "No, Ma, seriously. You were not here to see it but he was totally wrecked when you left. He was devastated. I don't think he is that good of an actor." She finished her statement with a teasing tone but I couldn't look past the heaviness of her declaration. I never did ask her anything about his reaction to my departure and never gave it a lot of thought after I came back.
"He was?"
She nodded. "I saw it. He was a mess."
The topic sparked something in my mind that I finally remembered I wanted to talk to her about.
"You remember Luke?" I asked suddenly and she frowned.
"Of course I remember Luke, how could I forget Luke?"
"Well, you forgot your name," I pointed out and she shot me an exasperated look. "It's Azevedo, by the way."
"It is? Fuck, how come you didn't tell me before!?" She tried to flick me again but I evaded her. "I was trying to remember yours, what a bitch!"
"I was going to tell you on your birthday but we had other things on our minds. Sorry." I ignored the signs that she was going to complain some more. "If you remember Luke then you remember Alec killed him, right?"
"Yeah, I remember that. What about it?"
I blinked, caught by surprise. Nat seemed equally lost.
"You're still mad at him for that? I mean, you wanted to kill Corin and they were not even dating. I thought you could see his side of things now."
She had a point.
"Right. Yeah, I guess so. It's just really weird to think he killed my boyfriend and will never pay for that."
"Everything is different now, isn't it? So he killed a human. We do it all the time." Her voice faltered at the end of her sentence but she shrugged it off as quickly as she could. "Speaking of Corin, are you ever going to talk to her again? She keeps sulking because you don't like her."
I didn't even know what to think of that. I had thought that Corin didn't want to see me ever again if at all possible.
"She is not avoiding me like the plague?"
"Well, she is, but not because she doesn't want to see you. She just thinks you don't want to see her."
"Oh."
It did seem like something I had to do eventually, talking to Corin, but that wasn't a good moment in my life to do that. I was too sour and stressed to strike up friendly conversation with most people on my best days.
That would have to wait. I had other things on my plate.
When Nat's time was up I bid her goodbye still uncertain of how to deal with things. I enjoyed a few minutes of solitude before someone else approached me in the garden.
Sandrine. I smiled at her.
"Hey."
She pressed her hands together uncomfortably.
"Hello. Sorry, I heard you and your friend."
I was not surprised.
"Oh, sorry about that. She can be a little loud."
Sandrine shook her head dismissively. "That's fine. Listen, I haven't told Alina, Filip, Viktor or Leo about you. I was wondering, however, why you have never told them yourself. Is Alec aware that you spend time with them in that media room?"
I got nervous and whatever showed on my face upset her.
"Not my business, of course, I was just wondering…"
"It's okay. I haven't told Alec anything specific. I don't think he would approve. I… Thank you for not telling them. It's nice that they don't know, I would like to keep it that way for now if you don't mind."
She did seem to mind, judging by her expression, but for some reason she didn't disagree with me.
"Sure. I will keep it to myself."
God bless you, sis.
As uneasy as she always was in my presence, she didn't linger. I watched her go a little sad, wishing she would spend any time with me every once in a while. She seemed nice.
I sighed and decided to go to the library to wait for Vina. She was much more patient than Afton but she still hated when I was late.
A few days passed by with no unpleasant encounters with my bullies. I both thanked the heavens for it and feared that they were just waiting for me to let my guard down to kick me twice as hard. Alec purposefully never mentioned the subject again and I didn't dare bring it up myself during any of our time together. If not for the fact that he was not touching me anymore it would be like I never even said anything about it. I had no idea if he was trying to punish me for my "revolting weakness", as he called it, or if my lack of proactiveness disappointed him, but he was not laying a finger on me.
It was killing me but I would be caught dead before I complained about it to him.
As I walked to my room after another lesson with Vina, Lady Athenodora and Felix came my way. I froze when I spotted them, wondering what she could want with me. Though she left her rooms much more often than Lady Sulpicia it was still unusual to see her up and about.
"Heard you're in trouble," Felix said instead of a greeting and I groaned. If there was anyone I didn't want to discuss that matter with, Athenodora was most definitely that person. She had scolded me because of my pitiful progress with my gift times enough to last me for decades.
"I'm fine."
Felix chuckled at my evident annoyance and Athenodora pierced me with her gaze.
"What is happening, Marina?"
I looked down, embarrassed. "Some people have been attacking me in the corridors, though I have no idea why."
"You are new, that's why," she said like it was obvious, "what I meant to ask is why are you not fighting back."
I checked Felix's expression and found him smirking at me.
"She's soft."
I tried not to cuss him out.
Athenodora walked over to me and stood centimetres away from my face, startling me beyond words could ever tell.
"Hear me now, child. You will not go anywhere in this new life with this attitude. Do you want to be a failure?"
I shook my head from side to side, wide eyes glued to hers. She pushed me away and I stumbled backwards.
"Disgraceful," she spat. "And we had so many hopes for you. So much expectation."
Fuck, people here do not mess around, do they?
I didn't say anything. I couldn't even think of anything to say to that. She didn't stop there, proceeding to tell me how Caius was disappointed with me and how she couldn't believe I was letting them down in such a way. She tore me a new one while Felix stood there and bore witness to what, to this day, still is the scolding of my lifetime. He looked fairly entertained by my humiliation, but right after Athenodora left with an enraged swish of her skirts he raised a brow to me.
"What do you think you're doing?"
"I don't know. God, why would I know anything? I'm just trying to survive here, really." My voice came out much whinier than I intended but I was past caring about such trivialities.
"You're doing it wrong, then. Alec is so upset that if you don't take care of that soon he will step in."
I almost laughed at that.
"He will certainly not. He barely batted an eye when I told him."
Unlike me, Felix did laugh. "He will hate you for making him do it, but he will. And he will never breathe a word of it to you."
I frowned. Was he right? He knew Alec for much longer than me, he should know him better than I did.
"Do you know their names?" Felix asked when I didn't contest him.
"Yes, sure. They politely introduce themselves, we shake hands and then they beat the shit out of me."
"What do they look like?"
"There's this douche with flaming red hair, he is the one that appears the most. Lean type, not too tall. Slaps me a lot but never punches me so I guess he's a gentleman."
"Hm, it's tradition to do that to the new ones. Didn't think you would have a problem with that. Then again, none of us ever thought you would just take it lying down."
I glared at him, but he just chuckled again.
"How do they even know I'm not just visiting? How do they know I'm new?"
"Your clothes. Those dresses are personally chosen by the queens."
"Oh."
I should have known clothing had something to do with that. It was how they showed their hierarchy, after all.
"Demetri is betting on you, you better make him proud."
I crossed my arms. "What about you? Who are you betting on?" I asked curiously.
"On Alec, of course." He ruffled my hair and winked before turning and going back from where he came.
I knew by the way of gossip that Demetri tended to lose his bets.
Let's turn your luck around, my friend.
I made up my mind right then. Next time anyone felt like recreationally giving me crap I would react and I would not hold back.
Vina looked up from the book she was using to teach me German to check the clock on the wall.
"Time's up!" She cheerfully announced, closing the book a little too enthusiastically. I tried not to be upset at how happy she always was when our lessons were over but it was yet another reminder of what a lousy apprentice I was.
"How many more to go?" I asked, my tone betraying my impatience and frustration.
"Not many. Ten or fifteen, it depends on what you're going to be doing until you're officially part of the guard."
I felt like dying when I heard those numbers.
"Oh, hey!" She waved and smiled at someone entering the library and I followed her eyes to see a blond guy about Demetri's height waving back at her.
"Done for the day?" He asked her before looking discreetly at me.
"Done for the week, thank you for asking." Vina got up to take the books we had put on our table back in their original places.
"I'm Don," he introduced himself to me.
"I'm Marina."
Don smirked in a knowing way, which unsettled me. I turned to look for Vina but she was out of sight.
"Yes, I remember you." Don said casually. "I was in your town to check on Alec when I overheard you breaking the law and telling your friend about our kind. He was not watching you at the time so I had to report it myself."
He did what now?!
"You were the one who told the Masters?"
He nodded and I stared at him in disbelief. That man was the reason why Nat almost died. He was the reason why she was there and not at home and the reason why she would never see her family again.
He was right in front of me, saying it like he was discussing the weather, and there was nothing I could do about it. He didn't do anything wrong.
I still wanted to rip his arms off and set him on fire.
Unaware that he had already enraged me, he went on. "Lucky, that was. Great finding, with her talent and all."
"That is one point of view, I guess."
He gave me a questioning look. "Indeed, it is. Do you have another one?"
I shouldn't have said anything, I should have known better.
"Well, another one would be that she was unlucky to be ripped from her family and her friends to become something she doesn't even like being."
Don frowned, crossing his arms and leaning against a bookshelf. "She doesn't?"
"Whatever." I shrugged, realising I was making a mistake. "It's all done now."
He didn't look willing to let it go that easily, but Vina reappeared from behind the shelves to save me just in time.
"Let's go!" She took his arm and all but dragged him away with her. He let her, but turned his head to look at me one more time before exiting the room. His expression was still one of confusion.
Nat would join my bullies to beat me up if she knew I told a complete stranger something like that.
I got up to leave the library as well when I noticed someone familiar making their way to me.
The red-haired guy.
Oh God, don't panic. He won't do anything here, with so many people around.
Would he?
I instinctively took a step back when I saw him walking in my direction and he smiled in response. A creepy, evil smile that reeked of bad intentions and made a shiver run down my spine. That awful smile distracted me so much that it took me a few seconds to notice that he was not walking over to me by himself, but had three other men following him. I recognised all of them as some of the others that had been attacking me in the hallways.
"There she is, our dear little pet," he intoned in a singing-like way, as he always did. I fought the urge to recoil even more and lifted my chin, something I seemed to have caught from Alec.
"What the hell do you want?" I demanded, feeling a little braver than usual since we had witnesses that time. He held up his hands in a surrendering gesture.
"Just here to deliver a message."
"Then deliver it and beat it."
His cronies chuckled behind him. He just kept looking at me with his infuriating smile.
"You're not this brave when we're alone, are you?" He whispered, leaning closer to me. I stayed in place and didn't answer. "The secretary has mail for you."
I blinked. "Mail? For me?"
"The short one with dark hair in a green dress, studying in the library. That can only mean you."
I looked around. He was right.
"Thanks," I begrudgingly said before making my way to the door. I purposely bumped into him when I passed by.
First mistake.
He grabbed me by the elbow.
"You're a little too brave when other people are around." He whispered in my ear. "I see you still haven't learnt your place. How fortunate that we enjoy teaching you so much."
He let go and I faced him with a scowl.
"Next time you touch me," I warned in the lowest and most threatening way I could, "I will rip your arm off and turn it into a jigsaw puzzle."
His eyes widened and his smile vanished from his face as he was undoubtedly caught off guard. I never before stood up for myself in any way. I almost didn't register his minions growling around us.
"That is quite the statement." He looked at me from head to toe. "I would like to put it to the test."
I left as fast as I could, not wanting to stay in their presence for long enough to cause a fight to happen, and headed directly to the lobby by the main entrance of the castle.
Second mistake.
I should have known better. I should have known there was a catch.
When I reached the lobby I was assaulted by the smell of fresh, running blood coursing through human veins. I heard her heartbeats before I even saw her and they were the only thing I could hear, so loud in my ears that the rest of the world disappeared. There was only her behind her desk, warm and fragrant and human.
She is human. How could I forget the secretary is always human?
I was too young to be around the human staff, I knew that. My encounter with the jerks in the library threw me off and I forgot the reception area was off limits to me.
Oblivious to my internal struggle, the human got up and greeted me. I held my breath and tensed my whole body.
Fuck, I haven't fed in days. I should get out of here.
I should have left.
She must have known who I was because she offered me an envelope, saying something. I couldn't understand her, I couldn't even think. If I got distracted I would jump on her and drink her dry.
Tentatively, I took a few steps in her direction at a human speed. She must have noticed my strange behaviour and my hesitation because her expression finally showed some alarm.
"Are you ok, miss?"
I didn't want to scare her, so I nodded. I took the envelope from her doing everything I could to ignore the burning in my throat, and when I managed to do that without any accidents I risked speaking.
"Thank you."
Third mistake.
The little intake of air was more than enough. Being much closer to her, her scent overtook me. Before I could process what I was doing I had my teeth into her neck. She let out a high-pitched scream that alerted the entire building, but for some reason no one took me off of her before I was finished. When her blood was over I let her body fall to the floor and met half a dozen people watching me.
"Took her long enough."
I recognised the voice and followed the sound to see Viktor. All the other faces were familiar too. Heidi, Renata, Santiago, Jane and Corin. Slowly, other people began to gather around but Jane walked to the centre of the circle, standing by my side.
"Everyone, leave." She ordered in a calm but firm tone. "The show is over."
I heard a few murmurs, curious people complaining that they had arrived too late, but most of them left quietly. Viktor seemed to feel sorry for me before he too left the lobby. Jane waited until only the elite guards remained and turned back to me.
"The reception area is off limits to you and your newborn friend," she reminded me coldly. "As is the kitchen and any other parts of the castle where we have humans regularly working."
I knew that. I felt awfully stupid, again.
"I know, I'm sorry. It escaped me. Someone told me I had mail and I guessed they meant I should come get it."
"I told Finnick to deliver it to you, not to tell you to come get it yourself," Heidi said.
"Finnick." Jane repeated the name contemplatively. "Is he one of the guards bothering you?"
I shook my head. "I wouldn't know. I don't know their names. Wait, does everyone know about that now?"
"Not everyone," Santiago answered me, "but it's bound to spread now that you told Natalia."
Damn, now I don't feel so bad for spreading gossip about her.
"And it will spread," Jane added. "Unless you make them stop."
She was obviously annoyed by the situation though if it was because of me or Alec I didn't know.
Heidi cleared her throat to draw our attention and announced she would take care of the aftermath of my little slip. Renata patted my shoulder, saying something along the lines of "it happens to everyone, don't worry" before following her. Santiago took his leave right after them, chuckling irritatingly to himself.
Corin stayed behind.
"I can take her to the queens. She can stay with us."
Jane considered this for a moment.
"Take her. I'm busy and so is Alec right now."
With that, she sprinted away, leaving me alone with Corin, who offered me her hand.
"Come. Lady Athenodora is still upset with you but I don't think she will mind your presence very much."
I could have yelled out of frustration. It seemed like my circle in Volterra kept shrinking in spite of my efforts to broaden it. Was I really that inapt?
I took Corin's hand and let her take me to the tower where the queens had their quarters. I opened my crumpled, bloodied envelope with my free hand, amazed that I went into a feeding frenzy on the receptionist without letting go of the letter. I looked at the sendermi absentmindedly before taking the folded piece of paper inside and froze, pulling Corin to an abrupt stop with me.
"What is wrong?"
I didn't answer her immediately, shocked by the name written on the envelope. I gawked and then furiously ripped it to read the letter inside, releasing Corin's arm in my hurry.
"It's… from Alice Cullen."
Corin frowned and I hesitated.
"I can read it, right?" I asked as if she would know that. How would she know if I had permission to read it any better than I did?
"I… can't see why not."
She sounded like she really wanted to have a reason to not let me read it, but couldn't find one. I unfolded it and read it before she could change her mind.
There was nothing of great importance in it, at least not at first glance. She asked me how I was doing, how was everything going in Volterra, told me about her life in America and said she hoped I could visit them soon. Anyone that didn't know us would think we were longtime friends judging by the way she referred to me and I was confused. I had only met her once.
There must be something in between the lines.
"So?" Corin was watching me expectantly and I didn't know what to say so I handed her the letter.
"Nothing important, it seems."
Corin flashed her eyes through the content and seemed to agree with me.
"How odd. Then again, she is an odd one." She gave it back to me. "Will you answer her?"
"If it's alright I will."
She shrugged. "You can ask Lady Sulpicia for permission."
She took hold of my arm again and pulled me away with her. When we got to the tower I was still trying to make sense of Alice Cullen's letter.
What did she truly want to say?
At that point in my life I still didn't know Alec all that well. I wasn't so used to him, and couldn't interpret his micro expressions and mannerisms with much accuracy. If I knew him better, if I could recognise the signs of his rage, I would have been worried. I would have noticed that he was furious and ready to do terrible things. I would have seen what Felix saw.
For there are two types of anger that strike Alec. The first one is easy to recognise and I had seen it many times directed at me. The one that showed clearly on his face and caused him to voice his displeasure, the one that made him make threats. That one is the less dangerous one.
I was not very familiar, however, with the second type. The one with the blank face, with no emotions showing through facial expression or body language. The silent, contemplative type. The one that makes him plot.
That is the most dangerous one. When he doesn't react to what angers him, when he barely acknowledges it. If I knew that in my first year in Volterra, I would have been beyond worried by his lack of reaction when I told him about the attacks. I would have kept an eye on him, and even more important than that, I would have talked to Alina until there was no shadow of a doubt that she could not show any trace of romantic or sexual interest in me.
But I didn't know Alec well enough and so I was not worried about any of that.
Athenodora was really still mad at me and Sulpicia wasn't all that pleased either. I was far from being a hit in Volterra in general and felt a little unenthusiastic about life there. Nat picked up on it as soon as we met again.
"Yeah, I'm unhappy. Old news. What about you, though? You never share your own feelings with me, I feel like we only ever talk about me."
She sighed deeply, which looked more like theatrics than anything else. Felix glanced at her from a distance and I tried not to roll my eyes. Was that really supposed to resemble any form of privacy? He could be sitting with us on the stone bench in the garden and it would be all the same.
Nat might not have been comfortable enough to talk about that with him so close by because she waved a hand and dismissed my concerns. "Nah, I'm all good. You know it, peachy et cetera."
"Are you, really? Because I got a letter and thought maybe you would know something about it. It's from Alice Cullen."
She gasped and grabbed my arms.
"Ouch! That actually hurts!"
"What did she say?"
I scanned her face with suspicion. "Nothing out of the ordinary. I mean, the way she said everything was a little out of ordinary since we're not close, but the stuff itself was pretty ordinary. Asked how we're doing and when we'll visit."
Nat sunk her nails in my flesh.
"Seriously, it hurts!"
"She must have seen us," she ignored me. "Oh, Ma, I have been thinking of leaving and going to them. I'm sorry, I was going to tell you. God, she has to have seen us going!"
"You still want to leave? Why?"
I was a little too aware of Felix's eyes on us. When that subject emerged it was like I could feel them burning holes in my face, but I didn't look at him. I had a feeling we were already threading a line. Nat seemed to share my opinion, because she reined in and said her next words in a much less agitated way.
"Master Caius is firmly against letting me feed on animals. Master Aro was not really happy when I asked, but I think maybe he would have allowed it if it depended only on him. I mean, I know I would still be killing but… if I have to kill, I guess I'd rather kill animals. You know, being vegetarian is the closest to vegan I'll ever get now."
Of course she would feel that way. I guess I saw it coming, but for some reason I didn't think she would have to leave Volterra to change her diet. She must have seen something on my face, because she let go of my arms to take my hands.
"Fuck, you know I'm not going anywhere without you, right? This here," she gestured to the both of us, "this is for life. I'm gonna leave you the day I die, 'till death do us part' as they say."
I squeezed her hands. "Damn, Nat, I don't know what to say. I don't want to hold you here if you're unhappy."
"Oh, come on. You're unhappy too! You just said it yourself. We're not making a lot of friends and now you got the few friends we do have all mad at you. And I've heard your skill with your gift is laughable. Not my words."
I scoffed. "Who used that word?!'
Felix answered like he had always been a part of the conversation, several metres away from us. "I did."
"Stop eavesdropping!"
He simply laughed, which just made me angrier, as usual. Nat looked at him with a truly depressing expression on her face.
"If she saw us then it means we go, right?" She asked me with more sorrow than hope.
"Not necessarily. We don't know if she did, anyway."
She sighed. "We should let it rest, I guess. What about your welcome committee, kicked their asses yet?"
I wish I could let that rest.
The next time I went into the media room, Sandrine was there. She was with Filip, Leo and two other people I haven't met. When I came in, she and her two friends excused themselves and left right away.
Needless to say, that did not cheer me up.
"Wow. The unpopular one has arrived."
I threw a pillow at Filip to show my contempt and watched him catch it effortlessly.
"So you snacked on the receptionist." Leo said casually. "Lost your way to the dungeons? Need a map?"
"I was set up. I was!" I insisted when they exchanged incredulous looks. "One of the assholes that keep attacking me told me I had mail like I should go get it. I forgot the bitch was human."
I was frustrated enough that I started channelling Nat. Wonderful.
"If you need help with that, why don't you ask Alina?" Filip smirked. "She would definitely jump at the chance to be your saviour."
"Why would she do that?"
They both burst out laughing. I crossed my arms and huffed.
"You two are not on the same delirious boat as Natalia, are you?"
"What an oblivious little kitten." Leo shook his head dramatically. "Tell her, Filip."
Filip nodded just as dramatically. "If Natalia said anything about how Alina is fawning all over you, she is completely right. Please, Marina, don't tell us you haven't noticed. If it depended solely on her by now she would have three fingers up your -"
"Hey!" I interrupted him, hands on my ears. "Jesus Christ, what is wrong with you?"
"Yes, Filip, what is wrong with you? You're hurting little Ma's sensibilities."
"Shut up you too."
Leo opened his mouth to retort but stopped himself. They both seemed to have heard something. Being so much younger, I was the last one to notice the approaching footsteps. Alina entered the room, smiling at us.
"Greetings, losers."
Leo looked at me.
"Yeah, I taught her that. Sue me."
Alina plopped down beside me on the couch. "Hey, you're wearing lipstick." She then brought her index finger to my lips, touching me so softly that I barely felt it.
For the first time, one of her apparently casual touches got me worried. It was no different from any other time she did that but Natalia and the guys finally got to me. Were they right? Did that mean something? Should I talk to her?
What if she is absolutely horrified at the suggestion and I embarrass the both of us? Gosh I would have to kill myself.
I couldn't bring myself to even think of starting such a conversation. I brushed it off and sent it to the back of my mind.
"Do you guys want to watch a film?"
"I would like that," Alina said. Filip got up and pulled Leo by the shirt.
"We don't have enough time for a full movie, but you guys go ahead."
Leo looked ready to protest but Filip shushed him with one look and they both left the room faster than I could consider saying goodbye. Alina raised her eyebrows.
"Well, ok I guess. What would you like to watch?"
We took a bit of time to choose from the VHS tapes stored in the room, crouching down to reach them in the shelves under the TV, and ended up agreeing on watching Red Dragon. True to the promise I made myself, I tried not to overthink anything Alina said or did. Before I pushed the tape into the player she put her hand on my arm.
"Hey, listen. Filip said you're having trouble with some guards. Do you want to talk about that?"
My eyes went to her hand like a moth to a flame. I was suddenly nervous and self-conscious and cursed Nat and the boys in my thoughts.
"Nah, it's fine, I'll sort it out."
Alina didn't move. She stared deep into my eyes, visibly struggling with something.
"You can tell me. I mean it. If there is anything I can do… I would like you to let me know. Would you?"
Why is this so awkward?
Oh, right. Because I was making it awkward.
But then the situation felt strangely familiar. Haven't I been through something similar before? When I thought I was being weird and it turned out I was right about something…
Yes, you thought you were making things weird with Alec because he was just your friend and then he basically told you to kiss him.
Alina's touch started to feel too heavy and too uncomfortable. I slowly took my arm from under her hand, trying not to be too quick and offend her. She furrowed her brow.
"Sorry. Am I being too much? You're just so endearing."
My brain short-circuited. What could I say to that?
Anything! Say anything, anything is better than staring at her in silence, mouth open and eyes popping out like a goddamn fish!
No word would come from my lips. I frantically tried to make any words just go out of my mouth, but nothing happened. Eventually I simply started to get up to walk to the door on autopilot, my brain deciding to just nope the fuck out of the situation, but Alina read it wrong. She thought I was leaning into her when I took an impulse to rise from my crouching position and she fiercely kissed me on the lips.
A soft, low voice interrupted us.
"Interesting."
The familiar sound was like a lightning bolt running through my body. I threw Alina away and stood up, panicked beyond measure. She quickly got on her feet when she recovered from my shove and we both stared at the doorway, where Alec was leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest.
His face was completely blank.
