Chapter 17: The Great Unravelling, part 2
Ew. It looked like Justin's side of the family had finally arrived to join us on this horrible occasion. I knew some of the faces relatively well, thanks to the long history we shared. I could pick up Justin's immediate family pretty easily. His mother was gossiping about something with aunt Hannah. Probably wedding related and probably boring as fuck.
Justin's dad was at the bar, as per usual. The man liked his drink, which was funny because he was super religious. Like, full on conservative 'lock the women away so they don't tempt the poor men' religious. If I remembered correctly, he came from a family of priests.
The man of the hour himself was chatting up two guys I had never seen before. They looked all chummy with each other, so chances were that these dudes were the only friends Justin had left. Poor guy. Or they could've been related for all I knew. It wasn't like I had the pleasure of being around Justin's family too often.
"So... what do you think, 20 minutes and then we can bail?" I asked quietly, leaning into Jasper's body. He was still so wonderfully warm and it really helped to keep my beautiful self warm.
I was going all out with my outfit. Dressed to kill. I had been debating whether to wear a fancy dress or something more casual, but as I looked around I was happy that I chose the dark blue coctail dress. It wasn't the most practical thing to wear for a spring night, but I could endure it for a hot second until I could change out of it. And I had a vampire who kept me all snuggly and warm so it was all good.
"Uh... shouldn't we stay at least an hour or two? Someone will notice that we're missing."
Well duh. Everyone would notice. Nobody would care. My relatives liked me as much as I liked them. It was a beautiful hate-hate relationship. It worked out great.
"Do you seriously want to listen that witch droning on and on about her fucking house project for two hours?" I raised my eyebrow. Because I knew that was all the dumb bitch was capable of talking about. That and her wonderful wedding to the man of her dreams.
It was a good thing that she didn't aim any higher even in her dreams.
Jasper looked horrified at the thought of hearing the same fucking story again. Yeah, I could relate. It was entirely possible that I would scratch Ariel's eyes out if I had to hear about their future house one more time.
I looked on the other side of the room where Brody was necking on Faye. The girl was going to have a hickey the size of a baseball when he was done with her. It was so fucking gross!
And I was in no way jealous that my neck had a little bit different kind of bruises. No sir. It wasn't like it would feel amazingly orgasmic to have Jasper nibble on my neck. Psh, who would want something like that?
I tried to get Brody's attention, but it was pointless. He was in his own Faye-land. I just needed to know if he had managed to secure the booze yet. I was not going through tonight sober. I had too much shit running circles in my mind. I needed a fucking time out from all of it.
"Is that what having a mate is like? Because you aren't all over Alice like that at school." I had to be a fucking masochist. Why on earth did I start talking about the 'mate' thing? Did I enjoy the pain his words would bring me? What the fuck was wrong with me?
"I think it's safe to say that nobody is quite as... enthusiastic about their show of love as Brody is." He said with a slight grin.
Was it too much to ask that his words kind of implied that things weren't that heated in the bedroom between Jasper and Alice? And was I a completely horrible bitch for hoping that to be the case?
"I just hope he got the goods before he went all gaga over Faye again. We need to decide when we're going to the beach."
It had been decided that it was too risky for us to get shit-faced in the game room. We could get super loud and I wasn't planning on getting caught. Besides, I had promised Jasper that midnight swim and my bikini was just waiting for me to go put it on.
I was sure Jasper was going to appreciate it. I mean, I would probably freeze to death, but I would look absolutely fabulous doing that. Priorities.
"Oh that. Brody texted me when you were in the shower. We'll meet up at 8 pm."
Hit the fucking breaks! Since when did Brody have Jasper's number? Should I be worried? I was worried. How long had they been texting? And what the hell did they talk about? It had better be about fucking sports or something like that. If I found out that Brody was trying to embarrass me...
Fuck, who was I trying to fool? Of course that sweaty toad was trying to embarrass me. It was his sacred duty as my stinky older brother.
"Great. That's still an hour and a half away. We get to enjoy my wonderful relatives for that much longer. Oh joy..." I whined. It was horrible. Just how much would I have to endure to simply get drunk? It was inhumane!
Jasper had better be ready to dance the fucking night away. He would have to do his very best to distract me from the vultures surrounding us. Especially now that they had multiplied and I was damn sure Ariel had shit-talked me to hell and back.
"It's not so bad. The dinner alone will take over an hour. I'm sure we can endure your family a little longer."
Bitch please. This was our third dinner with these people and none of them had been all that pleasant. I didn't enjoy spending my time with people who wanted to see me fail at everything. It just wasn't my idea of fun time.
Oh, happy day! There was my mother glaring at me from across the room. What the fuck had I done now? I was looking fine, I had the hottest date on my arm and she was even under the impression that I had been a dutiful daughter and puked my guts out before the party.
Maybe she was just salty because of those scratches on her face. Aunt Gloria got her good. Of course, if mom had visible marks on her then it was more than likely that aunt Gloria should be in the hospital recovering from her internal wounds. My mom didn't fuck around.
"On a scale of one to 'I'm going to die painfully', how angry is my mom?" I asked quietly. I would feel a lot better if I knew how to prepare. Mom was clearly looking to lash out at someone. And the victim was so going to be me. What else was new in my life?
"Why would she be angry at you? I mean, she's seething but I don't understand why you would be the target of her anger."
Dear fucking god. Brody better have enough booze to keep an entire fucking frat house hydrated. This was going to suuuuuuck.
"I don't know. Because my hair is down instead of being up? My lipstick is the wrong colour? Because she can rip into me without consequences? Take you pick there, buddy."
Jasper chuckled darkly and pulled me closer to his body. Protection mode had apparently been activated. Not that I was complaining. I felt confident that I had a good handle on stopping him from murdering everyone. It might've been my arrogance talking, but I was going to accept that as a fact.
It wouldn't end well if I started to doubt myself and chickened out. Orange was so not my colour so jail was so out of the question. Did teenagers even wear prison uniforms? I didn't know. I wasn't taking any chances, though.
"No consequences? I'm afraid there would be some dire consequences for her..."
Aww, his concern was so cute! There really was nothing quite like having the love of your life promising to murder on your behalf. Maybe I should also offer to kill people for him? Provide him with people to eat like a proper girlfriend should. I mean, they did say that he way to a man's heart was through his stomach. Now there was a thought...
"Honestly, I don't know which one of you would come out on top. Mom might actually be the devil. Admit it, you're scared of her too." I nudged his ribs with my elbow. He didn't react in any way, which was a bummer. It would be useful to know if he was ticklish.
"Absolutely terrified."
That was so believable.
000
Family dinners were just so fucking lovely. Thanks to Ariel's mission to make my life living hell, we were stuck with my parents, aunt Gloria and Granny May all night long. Just next to the table where Ariel had placed her plastic ass. Could this night get any worse?
"We really haven't had the pleasure of getting to know you Jasper. Ella has been hogging you all to herself." Aunt Gloria purred out. I swear she was licking her lips. I felt sick. It was so wrong on so many levels!
"I do believe that might be my fault, ma'am. I'm rather fond of Ella's company..." Jasper gave his most charming smile to the cougar of the family. Yuck. I would end my life before I ever got to that point in life.
Mom hummed into her champagne. She was way too much of a lady to snort, so she did this weird humming thing whenever she wanted to portray sarcastic amusement. It was so nice to have such a supporting mother.
Jasper gave her a quick side glare, but she either ignored it or didn't even notice it.
"This weekend is about being around family. I think Ella should be making a little more effort in that regard." Mom said. I shivered. The Snow Queen had appeared.
She was really itching to tear into me. Normally she would never talk like this around our relatives. How many glasses of champagne had she had? Dad wasn't giving her the stink eye yet, so it couldn't be too much.
Then again, he was nursing his whisky in brooding silence, so maybe they both were too far gone. A fucking kingdom for the chance to join them in that state as soon as possible...
"We're together all the time..." I started to whine, but then dad decided to turn his pale eyes at me. Fuuuck...
"...and it's been lovely! Absolutely wonderful." I said quickly. Jasper rubbed my forearm comfortingly. It helped... a little.
"Tell me, Jasper... how did our Ella managed to catch... someone like you?" Aunt Gloria asked. Her eyes were gleaming with her inner hell fire. I swear I was related to actual demons.
I tried my best to shrug off the stinging comment and bit my lip. Would Jasper remember our faked backstory?
"I moved to Forks a little while ago with my family. Ella's breath-taking beauty captured my interest at the first sight, but it wasn't until a little later that I had the chance to introduce myself. I was asked to help her with a history assignment and I gladly agreed. I was looking for an excuse to talk to her and working on a paper provided the perfect cover." He was all smiling and relaxed. I wished I could be the same way, but being around people who hated me for extended periods of time always made me feel on the edge. I wonder why...
Mom hummed again. What the fuck was her problem? This was all her fantasy to begin with! She was the one who had said that happened.
"Yes, I suppose that makes sense. Our Ella is... pretty. And she's always had a little bit of trouble in school. It's very... charitable of you to attempt tutoring her." Granny May piped in.
Ice daggers right into my fucking soul. I wrapped my arms around myself and tried to hold it together. I couldn't react to the obvious bait. It would just prove what they all thought about me. A simpleton with passable looks.
The problem was that I wasn't 100% convinced they were wrong...
"Ella is actually very bright. I don't like what you're insinuating, ma'am." And the growls were back, going straight to my groin. Granny May flinched ever so slightly. It gave me more satisfaction than anything else in this world.
"I wish her grades would support that claim..." Dad chose this particular moment to open his mouth. And it fucking cut deeply. Fuck it all.
Deep breaths. There was no point in breaking down here. Nobody would care. So there really was no point in giving them the fucking satisfaction. I gritted my teeth and placed a hand on Jasper's leg. It was mostly for calming him down, but I was totally copping a feel.
I deserved a little joy in my life, after all.
"I'm sure they will." Jasper said calmly. If I didn't spend unhealthy amount of time looking at his eyes, I would be sure he wasn't affected in the slightest. But his eyes... whoo they were screaming his real feelings.
I knew he wanted to say something. And he actually thought he wasn't a knight in shining armour. Me and my constantly rescued feelings would beg to differ. He was doing a pretty good job of keeping me safe and sane... well, relatively sane. Sometimes.
"Should you be eating that, darling? I heard you had an upset stomach earlier." Mom said sweetly. Holy fuck, her eyes were on fire! Marilyn Johnson was a demon. It was confirmed. There was nothing natural about the way her eyes were practically burning me alive.
Did someone pee in her cereal or something? I shrunk into myself even more and tried to think about happy thoughts. Like how horrible Ariel was going to feel soon enough. It was calming.
I looked down at my half-eaten plate of chewy salmon. It had no flavor whatsoever. It wouldn't be the biggest loss to leave it at that. I probably should've eaten the entire thing, but there was just something very special about the presence of my parents that made me feel nauseous.
"You're probably right. I feel fine now, but I really shouldn't risk it. I wouldn't want to miss dear Ariel's big moment tomorrow." I said. Because what else could I say? I would be literally dead girl walking if I defied my mom and dad in front of our relatives. I mean, Jasper was an excellent buffer between us but eventually he would leave my side and then I would be a goner.
My parents shifted their focus on kissing Granny May's ass. Thank god. I was more than happy to let the old bat have all the attention. My self esteem could only take certain amounts of abuse.
"How are you holding up?" Jasper asked once we were left alone. I relaxed my body to the best of my ability. I was getting way too wound up and that never ended well for me. Angela called it self-destructing.
And people said I was the dramatic one. Psh.
"I'm good. It's all good. I'm used to it."
I wasn't sure who I was trying to convince. I mean, in some ways I was used to it since it happened like every fucking time, but how do you get used to shit being thrown at you?
Jasper rubbed the back of my neck. That helped. He should just massage me all day every day and I would be juuuust fine. Better than fine, even.
I caught Lydia from the corner of my eye. I turned my head slightly towards her. She was signaling me to follow her. Great. My shitty evening was about to get infinitely shittier. Well... it was better to just get it out of the way. Like, what was one more relative putting me down at this point?
"I need to go to the bathroom. It'll be just a sec." I told Jasper and started to get up. He grabbed my hand and looked at me questioningly.
Okay, I was not lying. Not really. I really did need to go to the bathroom. It would be the most private place to deal with Lydia. Neither one of us wanted or needed an audience. We were on thin enough ice without giving the hyenas any more ammo to use against us. Small fucking mercies.
"Relax, Jasper. I'll be right back. Don't kill anyone without me." I said softly and dropped a sneaky little kiss on the corner of his mouth. That should give him something to think about. You know, other than worry about me.
Because sometimes a girl just needed to fight her own battles... until she had to run right back to her big and strong protector. But it was the thought that counted, right?
I followed Lydia to the women's bathroom. There were two people hanging around the sink. Probably waiting for someone else who was still in the bathroom. I made myself comfortable at the mirror and started fixing my hair. It was never a bad time to make sure you looked good. Not even when you were about to be brutally murdered by your kind-of ally.
You would think that I would've been intimidated by Lydia. She was prettier than me, probably. It was hard to tell since we looked so different. Mom certainly thought that she was prettier than me. Lydia was tall and willowy. She kept her black hair short and it suited her facial structure so well. She was almost always sporting a healthy tan and her smile lit up the room. And she had a straight nose.
I don't know why I never resented her for her looks. Maybe because she was already 25 years old and had been married by the time I hit puberty. And she was the other black sheep of the family.
The other occupants of the bathroom disappeared and Lydia turned her eyes on me. Yikes. She was pissed as fuck. It was incredible how well the women in my family could hide their feelings behind their masks.
Bring on the hate, dear cousin. I kind of maybe deserved it... just a little bit.
"Why did you do it?" She asked. Seething. I thought about how I wanted to deal with this. The big, overwhelmingly loud and obnoxious Johnson part of me wanted to go full-on offensive and not show any remorse whatsoever. Some tiny part of me, like common sense or something like that, wanted me to just own up to my deeds and apologize.
Guess which part of me won that debate...
"Ariel made a scene in front of Granny May." I said. I stood up straight, cocking my hip and looking up at Lydia. No backing down. Goddamn I was going to regret bad that I was all about that instant gratification.
"I don't care what Ariel did. Why did you decide to drag me into your shit?"
That raised my hackles. I so did not appreciate her attitude. It wasn't even that big of a deal. Nobody was talking about her fake affair with Justin anymore. Ariel was way too busy harassing me to give two shits about Lydia so what the fuck was the problem here?
"Calm your tits. It's not a big deal." Okay, so maybe that wasn't the correct thing to say, but fuck if I cared. We were being bitchy here.
Like I said, I make stupid decisions.
"Not a big deal? I have been trying to clear my new title as a man-eater the entire day. Do you have any idea what would've happened if Nahid heard the rumours?"
I rolled my eyes. As if Nahid would ever believe anything he heard from our relatives. He was pretty fucking open about his dislike for us all. And it wasn't like he hadn't heard the rumours before.
"You would've done the same." It was the truth. Lydia was my token tolerable relative. But she was still part of this family and we were all fucked up and ready to throw anyone under the bus if the situation called for it. And it had fucking called for it!
Lydia's eyes flashed. Whoops. Maybe I shouldn't have said that.
"We're not talking about what I would or would not have done in a similar situation. We're talking about the fact that you did do it. And it was wrong."
Apologize. Just put your big girl panties on and apologize. It'll only hurt once. Do it, Ella...
"Well duh. Doesn't change the fact that you would've done the exact same thing. You can get off your high horse, Lydia. I didn't even say anything about you. Ariel made up her own mind."
Goddamnit. I was so fucking stupid. Me and my idiotic Johnson pride. Why did I have to get all bitchy and angry so easily? I was seriously willing to sacrifice the only ally I had in this fucking family. And for what?
"Me? You're the one who thinks you're better than anyone else! I hate to burst your bubble, but you're not. You may be prettier than Ariel, but you're just as ugly and disgusting on the inside." Lydia hissed out.
Fucking hell. I flinched like I had been burned. I just stared at Lydia blankly. Why would she say that? I was nothing like that demon! How dared she? What gave her the fucking right to speak to me that way?
Uh-huh. Nope. This was not going to end with me crying in a bathroom stall. Hell no. I gathered up all of my rage that was simmering just beneath the surface. Lydia's insecurities... what did I know about them? I had never studied her like I had with my more hated relatives.
But I knew that there was one glaring insecurity. And I was going to fucking use it. Lydia had done something unforgivable, so I was going to return the fucking favor.
"Yeah, well... At least my boyfriend isn't risking his life on the other side of the world just so he could get away from me. I wonder what that says about you, though." I said. Calmly.
I could see the change in her demeanor. Her shoulders hunched up and she took an involuntary step back, folding her body into itself. I could read all the hurt and doubt in her eyes. I smiled a little. Yeah, I had won. Like a true fucking Johnson.
I hoped my parents were proud of the monster they had created.
I didn't get any satisfaction from hurting Lydia like that. I mean, the instant gratification of winning a fight was there, but it wasn't something I would replay in my mind over and over again. Not like I was going to when I finally took down Ariel.
Lydia kept quiet, dropping her eyes to the ground and hugging herself. I turned my back to her and walked right out of the bathroom. I couldn't deal with this shit right now. Or ever.
Ignore it. Don't let her words get to you. Don't think about what you said. Don't wish you could undo it. None of that would help me in any way. It would only serve to make me even more miserable than I already was.
And since misery really loved company, I would claim a new victim for my attitude problem.
There was a loud clicking of heels coming from behind me and I was suddenly yanked backwards. Fucking hell, I nearly fell down!
"No! You do not get to walk away from me like that!" Lydia shrieked. So fucking loudly that my right ear started ringing. She was digging her nails into my arm. What was it with people trying to bruise me this month?!
Lydia was fucking seething. She looked like a crazy person. Had she ripped out her hair? It was pointing in all sorts of directions and it had not looked like that just seconds ago. Lydia was all red and her face was twisted into something really ugly by her rage.
"We are done, Lydia. Let's go hit the dance floor." I kept my voice steady. We were out in the open and I did not need her to make a scene right then. The vultures were watching.
I could almost feel Jasper's eyes in the back of my neck and it made me feel calm. Lydia couldn't physically hurt me without Jasper stepping in to save me. She could wreck me mentally apart, but I was all sorts of fucked up already so there wasn't that much more damage she could do. Hopefully.
"You are a bitch, Ella! You are just a miserable failure who will never find love and acceptance!"
Ignore it... don't let her get to you. Don't you fucking let her in, Ella.
"That's enough, Lydia." Brody said from behind me. Well... call me surprised. I was being damselled by multiple guys tonight. Brody threw his massive arm around my shoulders and almost knocked me off balance with his body weight. Why was my brother so fucking huge?
"It's not! You didn't hear what she said. She needs to be put down!"
Yikes. Did Lydia want to deal with me like I was a rabid dog? She was insane.
"Cuz, she's 15 years old. She's a child. You are an adult. You should know better."
Umm, could we not talk about me like I was an infant? Ok thanks. And I would like to point out that I was almost 16 years old and about to get hammered so I would appreciate it if people didn't call me a child.
Not to mention all the dirty things this child wanted to do with one Major Whitlock. Yeah, definitely NOT a child here!
Lydia looked like she had been slapped in the face. Fucking served her right. Nobody was allowed to compare me to Ariel Fucking Reagan without consequnces. She looked around us, her crazed eyes turning more panicky than anything. Yeah bitch, we were surrounded by people who could fucking smell weakness.
"But..." She said, desperately. Brody pulled me away from Lydia's grabby paws. Look at him doing the big brother thing! He really did have his moments.
"Nah, my sister was very clear. We're done, Lydia. Let's not ruin our dear cousin's birthday party."
Brody led me away from her and the intruding eyes. Faye and Jasper were huddled in a corner, glaring daggers at someone behind me. Probably Lydia.
"Can we get shit-faced now?" I asked in a small voice. I looked up at Brody with my best puppy dog eyes. He was looking serious as fuck. I really liked Brody when he was being a good brother. But I would never admit that out loud. Eww.
He forced a silly grin on his face and nodded.
"Sure thing, lil sis. Let's get hammered."
000
I walked to the beach with Faye in my arm. Or rather, I was in Faye's arm. She was galliantly escorting me from my cabin. A change of clothes had been necessary and the boys had said they needed to set some stuff up.
"Did you see what he got?" I asked. It didn't really matter what Brody had managed to steal as I was getting drunk anyway, but it would be nice to know.
"I wasn't there. I think Brody said something about vodka, but I'm not sure what he actually grabbed." Faye said, wrinkling her cute nose in distain.
So she still wasn't on board with the under-age drinking that was going to happen. I could respect that. She wasn't stopping me or Brody, so it was all good. Perks of her sticking around long enough to know how fucked up our life was.
"I hope the guys brought OJ with them if there's vodka on the table. That shit is nasty on its own."
To be fair, it was disgusting even with the orange juice, but it made it drinkable. If you pinched your nose and gulped it down quickly, that is. I was more of a tequila girl myself. Not that I really liked any hard stuff, but still...
We followed the stone steps all the way down to the wet sand. There was a little nook at the very edge of the beach that was out of sight from the cabins. It wasn't until you got down the steps that you could see the soft glow of a bonfire.
I grinned. Yeah, we would be well-hidden from adult supervision. I mean, Jasper could technically be called adult. So we really weren't doing anything bad...
"Oh my god! This is amazing!" I gasped out, taking in the sight. The boys had really outdone themselves.
The bonfire was looking so fucking inviting and cozy. I didn't know if they had been there originally, but there were tree logs surrounding the fire pit. The guys had pitched a handful of torches around the area. I squinted at them in the dark evening and I was pretty sure they were scrambled together by my idiot brother and Jasper. They weren't exactly tiki torches, but I thought they looked pretty fucking nice.
There was a pile of blankets placed on top of one of the tree logs and next to it was a blue cooler. Hell, they even had stolen a boombox from somewhere!
"Glad that you like it, lil' darling. You look adorably bundled up." Jasper said as a greeting and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I snuggled into his side and hooked my arm around his waist.
"It's beautiful. You know, in that do-it-yourself kind of way. I assume Brody did most of the work?" I asked with a slightly teasing smile.
Jasper laughed and nodded his head. Well, that explained so much. I didn't know how good Jasper was at interior design but I was guessing a whole lot better than Brody.
Jasper guided me to one of the logs. He placed a blanket on top of it and then pushed my shoulders gently so I would sit down. He then draped another blanket around me before sitting down next to me and pulling me tightly against him.
Yeah, I had a pretty good feeling that I wouldn't be cold tonight. He was being so cute!
"Will you rub my nose too so it won't get cold?"
Okay, so it was meant to be a little more teasing and a little less like I was flirting with him. Whoopsie. I just couldn't help myself around him.
"Well... if that is milady's wish..." Jasper said with that devious smirk of his and reached up to rub soft circles all around my nose. The fucking butterflies in my stomach... whoo, this night was bound to be interesting...
"Okay, seriously. What is going on between you two?" Faye asked, taking a can of sprite that Brody offered her. How rude of her. Did she have to draw attention to us? I swear if Jasper pulled away, Faye would be in for a nasty life as my in-law...
I looked up at Jasper again. Let him explain this. Wait... did I actually want to hear his take on our relationship? Fuck... maybe it would be better if he said nothing at all. I was not in the right head space to deal with his inevitable rejection right now.
"No! I'm not taking part in this sober. What can I get you, my poor and disfigured little sister?" Brody interrupted with his disgusting behavior. Ugh... how the fuck were we related?
I guess I should be grateful for him running interference... but did he have to be such a dick about it?
"Anything that gets me fucked up real quick. Also, you're an asshole."
Brody stuck out his tongue and handed me a clear glass bottle with orange liquid inside of it. I uncorked it and took a sniff.
Yup. It would be a night of vodka and OJ. I was going to be fucking wrecked in the morning...
I pinched my nostrils and took a big gulp of the nasty stuff. It burned my throat as it went down. I fought back the urge to pull a face and shudder at the aftertaste. Fucking YUCK.
"You don't like it?" Jasper asked, taking a sip of his beer. I looked at him suspiciously. How was he able to look so relaxed drinking that? Was alcohol somehow different than other human things?
"I would say that I'm liking mine way more than you're liking yours, but either you have a super good poker face or that shit doesn't taste bad to you."
Jasper's eyes flickered to see what Brody and Faye were up to. I followed his gaze. They were doing their own things. Brody was fiddling with the boombox and Faye was on her phone. Probably texting Leah or the other girls in their team. We were clear to have a private conversation.
"I don't mind the taste of beer. It's almost... nostalgic to me. It reminds me of home."
"You mean Texas? Like, the old Texas?" I asked and drank from my bottle again. Shit, Brody had made it strooooong.
Jasper nodded. His eyes seemed to light up and I couldn't help but to smile. He clearly loved his old home. I wondered what made him leave it in the first place. I mean, I understood why he left Maria's army, but why leave the South altogether?
"Do you miss it?" The words tumbled out of my mouth. I took a hold of his free hand and squeezed it. I liked Jasper's hands. Especially when they were so warm.
"Yeah. I miss it something terrible alright. But my life is here now..."
Okay, this sounded like something we should discuss at a better time. Like what the fuck? He sounded so fucking miserable when he said that. Did Alice say 'no' to living in the place Jasper so clearly loved? Wait... didn't Jasper say that Peter and Charlotte lived in Texas? Wouldn't that be the fucking perfect place for them to live too?
If Jasper and Peter were even a fraction as close as Angela and I... Hell, I could never live across the fucking country from her. I would literally go insane and die.
"You know, Angela has a lot of books. And a lot of those books are about healthy relationships. No relationship can be healthy if the people in it aren't equals."
Good going, Ella. Why don't you stick your fucking crooked nose into other people's business even more?! Goddamn!
Jasper gave me a long look. Was he angry? He didn't look angry, but really... how well could I read him? What if he hated me?
"Please just ignore me. I'm an idiot. It's none of my... I'm sorry, okay?"
I couldn't do anything right. Fuck!
"You're not an idiot, Ella. You are a very insightful and opinionated young woman. You have nothing to be sorry for."
He spoke very gently. I was not sure if he actually meant it or if he was trying to make me feel better. Ah well, I wasn't going to dwell on it. Jasper would tell me when I crossed a line. I hoped.
The loud sound of electric guitar and bass drum interrupted my little pity party. Brody whooped happily and Jasper raised his bottle to him in salute. Great...
"Are we seriously going to listen to rock all night long?" I whined. It wasn't exactly my scene.
"Shut up, you hairless ape! This is the shit!" Brody defended his shitty taste in music. Jasper nodded enthusiastically in agreement. I rolled my eyes. Of course they had to bond over music.
"Yeah, it's shit for sure. How am I supposed to shake my ass to this music?"
"GROSS! Can you not talk about your disgusting girl parts?"
"Hey! You're more than fine with Faye's girl parts! Newsflash, she has the same parts that I do!"
"LALALALALALA I can't hear yooooou..." Brody stuck his fingers into his ears and waggled his tongue like an idiot.
I shook my head and took another big gulp of the nasty drink in my hand. The things I did to get a moment's rest from my shitty life... Fuck, I was even willing to spend my evening with my stupid brother!
"Besides..." I said and snuggled closer to Jasper. He turned his body slightly, probably trying to see what I was doing. I couldn't tell for sure because I was giving Brody the biggest shit-eating grin I could manage.
"Jasper thinks my girl parts are very nice."
Brody shuddered and made a whole show about dry-heaving and clutching his stomach. He was such a drama queen. He got that from our mom. I really didn't understand why people said I was the dramatic one.
Jasper choked on his beer.
Let me say that again: Jasper Whitlock, the badass leader of a vampire army, choked on his beer! Just because I said that he appreciated my girl parts. I let out a giggle. This was fucking hilarious!
Surprising vampires had to be my new favorite past time!
"You okay there, buddy?" I asked while trying to get my hysterical giggles and unlady-like snorts under control. I had to be so fucking red in the face by now.
"Dude! What is going on between you and my sister? Wait... no, I don't want to know. Alcohol... I need more alcohol." Brody just had to make himself noticed again.
I rolled my eyes and focused on enjoying Jasper's warmth and the burning sensation in my belly. Yeah, eating properly would've been the wise decision. My thighs were getting a little tingly and sadly, it wasn't because of the hunky vampire with his arm around me.
You may be prettier than Ariel, but you're just as ugly and disgusting on the inside...
I physically flinched. Fuck no. I was not going to think about this shit! Nope... no way. I just needed to get a nice buzz going and everything would be okay.
Brody was right for once. More booze was definitely the right answer.
"Brody, no! You know the rules when you drink." Faye said with a frown on her pretty face. Brody pouted and withdrew his arm that had been about to wrap around Faye's waist. I snickered at my brother's misfortune.
Faye never allowed my brother to get handsy with her while he was under the influence of something. She didn't like it and she didn't want him to get frisky with her while he was like that. I could respect her decision.
But it was still funny to see Brody suffer.
"Tough luck, my friend." Jasper said with a smirk. Oooh, he was being sassy! I liked it. Very much.
"That hurts, Jazz-hands. It really does."
Ugh... Jazz-hands? Seriously? Talk about a horrible nickname. I really hoped that wasn't going to stick around. Major suited him so much better.
I shrugged off the blanket on my shoulders. It was too hot. I was wearing Jasper's hoody and his leather jacket. I was all nice and toasty with them on, even though I didn't have anything but my bikini top under them.
You're just as ugly and disgusting on the inside.
Shit. I didn't need this right now! I could deal with it all after the fucking wedding. Not now. Not here. Not when I was having a good time!
I stood up, taking a hold of Jasper's hand and pulling him up with me. Or rather, I tugged at his hand and he very kindly lifted his cute ass off of the log. I grinned up at him and hugged his arm. I almost lost my bottle, but I managed to grip it tightly enough before it slipped past my fingers.
"Let's walk. I've seen Brody's ugly face enough for one day." I said and stuck out my tongue to my stupid brother who gasped like he was insulted. Pfft, yeah like he cared. Nobody believed his dramatics.
"Sure thing, lil' darling." Jasper said warmly and let me lead him away from the bonfire.
"Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" Brody yelled after us. I scoffed. Like, what would that be exactly? Brody had done more stupid shit in his life than I'd ever be able to do... and I was the dumb one in the family. Although I resented the fact that Brody was considered to be any more intelligent. He was dumb as a rock.
We walked along the coastline. Slowly. Veeeery slowly. The beach wasn't big on any stretch of imagination so if we walked at a normal pace, we'd be on the other side of it in like two minutes.
"Hey... are you sure I didn't cross any lines? I know that it's none of my business and I want you to know that it's okay to tell me off if I say something incredibly stupid." I asked after a moment of silence. Jasper sighed and stopped walking. He turned to face me and bent down so our faces were deliciously close together.
I was all for some moonlight kissing. But you know, I could read the situation. Smooching wasn't at the top of his mind at the moment. I was going to do my fucking hardest to make it Jasper's priority, but sometimes sex on the beach had to wait.
It was all about that communication.
"You have been very respectful of my relationship with Alice. I can feel your disapproval, so I know that you are trying your hardest to keep your real thoughts to yourself. I appreciate that. Although I am curious as to why you seem to dislike Alice so much..."
Fuck. Was it too late to just take back my conversation starter? Fucking yikes. I bit the inside of my cheek, trying to decide how much I wanted to tell him. I didn't necessarily want to make him hate Alice. Maybe. I didn't know. If she made him happy, then I had to learn how to let it go.
But I was a selfish bitch. I wanted Jasper to leave his wife and sweep me off my feet. Carry me into the fucking sunset and fuck my brains out in the process.
"I just... I don't like it when you're unhappy."
Yeah. Let's just keep it simple. No need to go into details about my less than flattering thoughts about Alice Cullen. Or was it Whitlock? Had she taken Jasper's name? It didn't sound nice.
It might've been just me, but I thought Ella Whitlock sounded much better... Or Ella Hale to the general public.
Alice Whitlock? Alice Hale? It didn't have the same ring to it.
"Why do you think I'm unhappy with Alice?" He asked. All sincere and willing to listen to me. Goddamn he made it hard to keep my distance. Did I even want to keep my distance? The obvious answer was 'fuck no', but that would maybe change after the wedding.
"Umm... do you want my honest opinion? Like, really? Because I don't think you'll like it." Yeah, I was buying some time for myself. Maybe Jasper wanted to drop it. That way we could go back to eye-fucking each other.
"Yes, Ella. I would always prefer you to be honest with me."
Fuck... I wanted him to add because I love you after that sentence so fucking badly. I was so biased. This was going to ruin everything...
You are just a miserable failure who will never find love and acceptance
Great. Just what this moment needed... me getting all fucking caught up with Lydia's words... I mentally slapped myself. I could deal with it later. Or never. That worked for me.
"I think that Alice is the reason why you hate yourself so much. It's like she has been telling you how horrible you are for so long that you've started to believe it. Trust me, I know what it's like to have someone you love tell you how you're not good enough day after day..."
Jasper drew back from me. I fucking knew this was going to happen. I pressed my lips together and stubbornly looked up into his eyes. They were completely closed off from me, but I wouldn't back down. I had ruined everything already, so might as well see this entire thing through.
I did take a long gulp of my drink, though. Liquid courage, baby. Worked every time.
"Tell me something, Jasper... when was the last time you saw Peter and Charlotte?"
Something had been bugging the shit out of me for a while and I was just nosy and self-destructive enough to want to dig it out. God, I hoped I still had a date left when I woke up...
"At least 20 years... but how is it relevant to this conversation?"
I looked at him sadly. He really couldn't see it. Was I really going to burst his perfect image of Alice? I wasn't even sure what my motives were. Did I want what was best for Jasper? Or did I just want to drive a wedge between them in a desperate attempt to do just what my mother ordered and steal Jasper for myself?
I hated that I couldn't be entirely sure about that. I wanted to say without a doubt that I was saying these things because I really loved Jasper and I thought he was being mistreated by his wife...
But I was a fucking monster created by my mom. I always obeyed with her whims, whether I wanted to or not. I wanted to make her love me more than anything in the world. If I was the good girl who got the perfect boyfriend, then maybe... maybe she'd finally approve of me.
"Is it because Alice doesn't want you to be around them? Because they are bad in her eyes for eating humans? Or because of the things they did while they were in Maria's army?"
Jasper flinched like I had slapped him. I wanted to cry. How the fuck could someone do something like that to a person they claimed to love? I didn't understand it. And I didn't know if I was any better than Alice. Was it really any of my business?
I gritted my teeth. Fuck yes, it was my business! I loved Jasper Whitlock and I was NOT going to stand down while some pointy-haired fang princess messed with my man!
Errr... the man that I loved. Jasper wasn't mine. I should remember that more often.
"So I'm right? Jasper, that's not what a good relationship looks like. Now, this is just my very fucking biased opinion, but it feels like she's isolating you from your family and tearing your real self down little by little. She's trying to build a perfect Jasper like you're some sort of doll for her to play with. I don't like it. I want you to be happy... because like, I really love you."
Perfect... I fucking hated that word. I needed more alcohol.
"I... never thought about it like that." Jasper said. He was clearly struggling with his words. I was pretty sure that he wanted to tell me to go to hell, but couldn't. I think he knew I had a point. I reached up to touch his face.
Small fucking mercies. He didn't pull away and run for the hills. Goddamn this was getting too fucking deep. It was supposed to be my fucking night off!
"I'm just saying that I think you deserve better than that. I don't think a happy relationship demands you to change everything about yourself. But that's just my opinion and it's been established that I have no idea about relationships. So if you're happy with Alice then be happy with her. Or you know, you could always dump her ass and have me instead."
I sucked in a sharp breath. Did I just say that? I stomped my foot angrily and screamed.
"Why do I keep doing this?! I'm way too fucking horny!"
Jasper brought his hand up to cover his mouth, but I saw it all in his eyes. He was fucking laughing at me! See, this is what I get when I try to help people! Why did I even bother?
"It's not funny! You have no idea what it's like to go insane with lust!"
Jasper let out a soft purr and pushed his body right up against mine. Mmmh... His head dropped low so he could whisper into my ear. Sneaky fucking bastard...
"Don't I...?"
Goodbye, my ability to carry my own weight... This could only mean one thing.
Revenge.
I drank a little more from my bottle. Huh... I was already half-way done with it. I hoped Brody had more Ella-approved drinks in his tiny cooler. I smiled sweetly at Jasper.
And then I dropped his no doubt expensive as fuck leather jacket on the damp sand. He raised his eyebrow questioningly and crossed his arms. Yeah, you just wait... I was going to make him fucking drool like a labrador looking at a steak.
I kicked my shoes off and shimmied out of my jeans. They weren't the most obvious choice for a beach adventure, but I didn't have anything better. Mom had thrown out all of my not-skin tight clothes so...
"What are you...?" Jasper asked and then fell completely silent when I unzipped his hoodie and let it fall off of me. I smirked at his wide-eyed look.
Yeah, I looked good in my pink, almost nude coloured bikini. I raised my arms up, stretching my sides in a very pleasant way. Because, you know, you should always warm up before swimming.
"You wanna come swimming with me?" I asked sweetly. Not at all like I was flirting with him and asking him to come and have hot sex in the ocean with me.
"Ella, it's freezing out here."
Boo! What a spoilsport!
"Is the big bad Major scared?" I taunted him and walked backwards with a huge grin on my face. Jasper's eyes followed my every move and it made me feel like I was the most beautiful creature in the world.
"I'm not scared. I can't feel the cold like you can. I'm more concerned about you..."
Okay, so I understood that he was talking about my well-being but he made teasing him so fucking easy...
"Me? You don't have to be scared of me... I promise that I won't bite."
Fuuuuck his eyes were intense. He took slow steps to catch up with me. I kept walking backwards. My legs hit the water and some small part of me recognized that it was cold as fuck. But I was drunk and turned on, so I couldn't actually feel the coldness of the water.
"No, but I might..."
Ooh, kinky... I might actually be into that.
"Empty promises, Major Whitlock!"
Jasper flashed me a grin that I could only describe as feral. It looked like he was getting a little blurry so I blinked to see if it was just my eyes. I let out a screech that would make a banshee jealous when I opened my eyes and Jasper was standing right in front of me all of a sudden... And I was like waist-deep in the water.
How did that happen? I looked up at him like an idiot. My mind wasn't working quite as fast as I would've liked it to... but that was okay with me. No more voices taunting me and tearing my self esteem into shreds.
I giggled happily and splashed Jasper with the water. He was wearing his clothes and that was super disappointing. Like, was it too much to ask for him to flash some abs? He had to have them. There was no fucking way his body wasn't ripped as fuck.
"You really should be careful with your words, lil' darling."
He said that, but he would never actually do anything I wasn't okay with. Because Jasper was a good guy. A yummy, tall, muscular and good guy.
"You... are way too sexy."
Was I still holding my drink? I flexed my fingers and found that nope, I had dropped it somewhere. That wasn't fun. I was thirsty. And not drunk enough.
"Are you drunk, Ms Johnson?"
Mm... he should definitely call me Ms Johnson when he'd tutor me. I think I'd like that very much...
"Noooope. I'm a little bit tipsy. Just the tiniest bit..."
...It was possible that I was a little bit more drunk than just tipsy, but he didn't need to know that. I had never been out drinking with him before, so I didn't know if he was going to go full 'Angela' and try to stop me. Or if he would not want to make out with me if I was drunk.
"Wait, why are you wearing your clothes? You're all wet now." I asked, confused as to why I wasn't feeling his skin under my hands. Hands that were pressed against his chest.
Booooo, I wanted to feel his chest. I pouted. It was so unfair.
"I think you might be a little more than just tipsy... I really should get you to the dry land."
I giggled and pushed myself away from him. I wanted to swim! I threw myself into the water, sub-merging myself. A gentle reminder to myself; never laugh and dive at the same time. Seawater got sucked up my nose and it burned. I pushed my head above the water and tried to cough the water out.
Jasper was at my side immediately, looking all worried and adorable! And I was looking like a hot mess and I didn't like it one bit.
"Are you alright?"
You're just as ugly and disgusting on the inside.
My lower lip trembled and it had nothing to do with the cold. Nothing quite like a painful reminder to sober you up.
"I lost my drink. I want more."
"Sure thing, lil' darling. Let's get you warmed up, okay?"
Jasper Whitlock. A man with some really good plans! He carried me in his arms all the way to the bonfire, only stopping to pick up my clothes. I snuggled into his chest, enjoying the warmth he radiated.
"Aww, you went swimming without us?" Faye asked as soon as Jasper set me down and handed me my clothes. Or, more accurately his clothes. But they were mine now!
I nodded happily and pulled the hoodie over my very wet bikini top. Well... this wouldn't do at all! I zipped the damn thing up and then pulled my arms away from the sleeves. I undid the knots in my top and then pulled the entire thing out from under the hoodie. I tossed the wet and nasty thing behind us.
Jasper's eyes grew wide as fuck. I snorted and took a hold of my jeans. A new problem. I couldn't get them on when my legs were so clammy! Hmm... the hoodie was huge on me. It came all the way down to my knees.
Without thinking too much on it, I stood up and shimmied out of my bikini bottoms. Faye rolled her eyes at me and Jasper growled very softly. I guess he liked that I was naked under his hoodie. Maybe now he understood how I felt every fucking second I spent with him! Revenge was sweeeeet!
"You're killing me, Ella..." Jasper whispered into my ear. I gave him a sly wink and pushed him down into the log and then I decided that he'd make the best seat. So I sat in his lap.
Brody tossed me a bottle of wine. I eagerly uncorked it and took a good mouthful. The best thing about being drunk was that you no longer cared about how anything tasted like. It was great.
"Did you two kids have fun while we were away? Did Brody cry?" I leaned my back against Jasper's chest and pulled my knees up. Jasper threw his leather jacket over my legs so I wasn't flashing to everyone. Such a gentleman!
"I did not cry, you mongrel!"
I looked at Faye, edging her own. She gave me an evil little smirk and leaned in slightly.
"He did."
Jasper laughed out loud, making Brody wail miserably. The music was blaring, the wine tasted just okay, Jasper was rocking me gently and we were all joking around. It felt great.
You are just as ugly and disgusting on the inside.
Until it didn't. I bit my cheek to fight back the tears that were burning in my eyes. Nope, I wasn't going to do it! Lydia's words didn't mean shit! She was WRONG! I was nothing like her.
Jasper pushed my wet hair away from my face and looked concerned.
"Hey, you okay lil' darling?"
My head felt heavy. I was pretty sure I wasn't able to walk straight anymore. But it didn't fucking stop my thoughts from destroying me. Stupid Ella.
"I'm fine!" I said. A little too forcefully. Everyone stared at me. Brody looked like he was just waiting for something to happen. Faye looked sad. Jasper didn't believe a word I said.
You are just a miserable failure who will never find love and acceptance.
Goddamnit! I rubbed my eyes angrily and gulped down more wine. I needed it to stop. Right now. It was too much.
Ugly and disgusting.
I shivered. Why was it cold all of a sudden? I didn't like it. I wrapped my arms around me tightly, but it didn't help. It was like the coldness was coming from inside of me.
More wine. I needed more. I raised the bottle to my lips, but Jasper took it away from me.
"No! Give it back!" I sounded desperate. I was. There was pressure gathering in my chest and I wanted it to stop!
A miserable failure. You'll never find love.
"Baby, I think you've had enough..." He spoke quietly. I barely heard him.
"I'm fine! Honestly!" My voice shook. Fuck, why did it have to shake? My breathing picked up.
"You're not. I can feel it all. There's so much pain..."
You're ugly and disgusting. He'll never love you. You are a failure.
No! No no no no no no! I had to make it stop. I had to do something. Anything.
"You don't now a goddamn thing! I said I'm okay!"
I pushed myself up, wanting to get away from him. My legs were wobbly as fuck. Brody and Jasper both got up to grab my arms, but I didn't want them touching me. Nobody could touch me right now or I'd fucking fall apart.
"NO! Get away from me!" I screamed and smacked their hands away. I tried my best to walk in a straight-ish line to the cooler, but the sand was too soft and everything was kind of wonky in my head. My legs didn't want to listen to my commands.
I stumbled and started falling to the ground, but of course my knight in shining armour caught me before that. I blinked away my tears. I couldn't breathe. Jasper was too close.
Ugly. Ugly. Ugly. Ugly. He'll never love you. Never.
"Ella..."
You're just like Ariel. Ugly and disgusting. Just like Ariel...
I screamed and yanked my body free from him. I glared at him through my tears. I couldn't stop it. I was weak and disgusting. Jasper looked at me with the most heartbreaking look on his face. He stepped away from me and the last fucking straw broke.
He left me alone. I was alone.
Ugly. Ugly. So fucking disgusting. Nobody loves you. Just like Ariel. So ugly... you don't deserve love. Nobody would ever love someone so ugly. You're alone. Always and forever. Alone.
I broke down into big, fat and slobby tears. My throat hurt from the noises I was making. I screamed out all the pain and stress and self loathing I had storaged inside of me and it fucking hurt.
I buried my head into my knees and just wailed. I wasn't aware of anything around me. I was alone. I had to be. Nobody loved me so nobody cared. I was so ugly... why would anyone give a damn about me?
I was a ball of pain and hurt and nothing made sense anymore. It was too much. I gasped for air, but nothing happened. I couldn't handle it. The tears and wails kept pouring out from me and my chest felt like someone was banging a hammer on it. My throat was on fire and I couldn't fucking breathe!
Ugly and disgusting. Just like Ariel. Ugly. Ugly. Uglyuglyuglyugly...
"Ella! Shhh, please calm down. It's okay... Please don't cry, my love... Breathe... just breathe, please?"
Jasper? But that was impossible. Why would Jasper be here with me? No... I must've imagined him. It couldn't be real. He didn't love me. He couldn't have. Nobody did. I was alone and that was how it was supposed to be.
"I'm sorry... I know you don't want me to do this, but I have no choice. You have to calm down... Please forgive me, my love..."
A wave of something washed over me. It forced me to let go of my pain. Forced me to relax and forced air back into my lungs. I gasped for air desperately. Everything was blurry around me.
A hand came and wiped away my tears. I stared blankly at the person above me. Holding me. Looking at me with crushing pain written all over his face. Jasper...
"It's okay... I got you, lil' darling." He whispered.
A sense of calmness filled me. It felt really artificial and wrong. Like I knew that I wasn't supposed to be feeling it. The hurt ebbed away little by little. I swallowed heavily.
"Please don't leave me alone... I don't want to be alone." I mumbled. My eyes felt heavy. It was so peaceful...
"Never... I got you, Ella. I'll take care of you..."
And then there was only darkness.
Author's Final Notes:
Hi! I'm back! Does... does anyone remember me and this story anymore...? I'm officially back from my unintended hiatus. Who would've thought that December would be a busy month for people? That's just crazy!
No, but this was a difficult chapter for me to write. There was a lot of editing done and I don't know if anyone will believe me, but this chapter was actually going to even longer originally. I had to shave it down a little, because 13000+ words is a little much for one chapter, right? Then again, thanks to me going and changing shit around, I feel like the ending is suuuuper rushed. I hope I managed to write a passable breakdown even if it does happen a little quickly.
Oh, I have a little something to say, so here is the AUTHOR'S PSA ON UNDERAGED DRINKING:
Now, I don't know how old you guys are, but if there are teenagers reading this story, I would like to tell you guys a few things about drinking while you are underaged or just new to it. I'm not going to waste my breath (or fingers) by telling anyone to not drink while you are underaged. I was young once. I drank before I was 18. And I do believe I did it as responsibly as possible. So here are few pro-tips to anyone embarking on the path of alcohol consumption.
1. NEVER drink and drive. Under any circumstances. Unless someone's life is at stake, don't do it. Make a solid plan for getting home before you go out.
2. Tell an adult that you trust. I know this might sound stupid, because there is a huge risk that the adult in your life that has your trust will forbid you from drinking. Deal with it. If you think you are mature enough to drink, then you should be mature enough to be honest about it. Trust me, your parents/other trusted adults would rather know what you are doing and where. This also eliminates the fear of not being able to contact anyone if something goes wrong.
3. Only drink with people you trust. This is especially important when you are still learning your own limits. Will your friends abandon you if you pass out somewhere? Or will they take care of you if something happens? Will they call an ambulance for you if you get an alcohol poisoning? Or will they bail because they think they'll get in trouble for it? I recommend on selecting someone from your group that will remain sober so they can take care of the rest. And act as a designated driver if no other transportation is available.
4. Don't drink just to get drunk. It might be cool and awesome to just get wasted. It's fun, I admit that. But it's not healthy to have a mindset like that. Ideally you would want to enjoy your beverage and if you are more focused on the social and culinary aspect of it, you are more likely able to pace yourself so you never go over that nice 'tipsy' stage.
5. And lastly; Don't let anyone pressure you into drinking. Whether you decide to indulge yourself with a drink or not should be entirely up to you. If someone is pressuring you into acting in a way you don't feel comfortable with, they are not people you want around you. Drinking doesn't make you better or cooler than other people. It doesn't change you any more than eating pizza does. Remember; alcohol doesn't change who you are, it just lowers your inhibitions.
Our dear Ella here has all the wrong motives for her alcohol abuse. She wants to escape her pain, to numb herself. I hope I showed that it doesn't work. You might feel amazing and free in the beginning, but the problems in your life don't magially disappear. They will rear their head again when you least expect it and no amount of substance abuse will change that.
Well... this got all gloomy and preachy. Yikes! Let's move on from that subject! I'm at the stage where I want to go and change everything about this chapter so I think that's my cue to leave this be. I'll never get to posting this chapter otherwise... :D
Next chapter should be good. Unless I fuck it all up. And it's most likely not going to take me a month to update. I'm really sorry to keep you guys waiting... I feel a little twinge of guilt whenever one of you lovely people remind me to update. Ideally I'd like to get back to updating regularly enough that nobody has to beg for more content. Sowwyyy...
I do hope that you all had lovely holidays and I hope you all have great New Years. Have fun, but be smart about it people! See you guys soon!
