Chapter 18: You are beautiful. Always
Ugh... I felt it as soon as I regained consciousness. Why the fuck did I drink again? Why do I do this to myself?!
My stomach rolled and I groaned in agony. My head was fucking killing me and I hadn't even opened my eyes yet. I was pretty sure that I was going to throw up if I opened them. Or if I moved. Or smelled something. Or just thought about anything too hard.
Shit... I was going to throw up, wasn't I? Yup... my whole body twitched when the first heave made its way up my throat.
The real question was if I would make it to the toilet before I chucked up everything I had inside of me, or would I have to start mopping the floors so early in the morning? Not that I had any idea what time it was, but it was still too damn early.
"Hey... are you okay?" Jasper asked softly somewhere above me. Now that I was more awake, I realized I was wrapped up into the covers like a fucking burrito. Okay, but how was I supposed to get out of this mess without vomiting all over myself and Jasper?
I had made myself look stupid enough yesterday. Yeah, I was not looking forward to tainting my image and reputation even more. And can I just say that it's so fucking unfair that I never forgot anything I did while drunk as fuck? Like, was that some sort of urban legend or did I just have some fucking birth defect or something? A total amnesia would've been so sweet right about now.
A second heave. I had chills running down my spine. Fuck... it was happening. This was not a drill.
I fought against the covers and tried to dig my way out to the freedom. My stomach wanted to projectile vomit itself out and this shit was slowing me down. I groaned miserably, squeezing my eyes even tighter shut and grabbing my head.
Right... I just had to get to the bathroom so I could do the nasty thing and then just crawl into a fetal position and die right there. That was a good plan. A solid plan. Now if only I had any idea how to get there in time...
"Help me!" I whimpered weakly, gritting my teeth together so nothing could come out of my mouth. I figured I had just a few seconds before everything would go terribly wrong.
And just like that, I was freed from the confides of the bed and I made a mad dash to the bathroom. I may or may not have slammed my body to the ground in the process, but I was beyond feeling pain at this point. I was in a hurry.
I barely made it to the toilet before I unleashed everything I had inside of me. Ugh... admittedly, it wasn't much since I hadn't actually eaten much of anything in the last 24 hours. I kind of wish I had binged on chocolate or something. You know, something that would've tasted a little better coming up than straight up bile.
I guess this was like some sort of divine punishment for drinking while underage or some bullshit like that.
Jasper appeared behind me and very gently pulled my hair back. Oh my fucking god... this guy. He was actually holding my hair back while I projectile vomited into the toilet. I would've been seriously embarrassed out of my mind if it wasn't so fucking touching.
Jasper Whitlock really knew how to take care of me. Wow.
It was amazing how much time you had to think when puking your guts out. I was going through everything that happened yesterday and my god, it might've been even more pathetic and painful than my current predicament.
Like, why in the hell would I let my asshole relatives get to me like that? I should've been fucking immune by now, but no... I just had to continue having nervous breakdowns. In front of Jasper. While begging him to stay with me.
Just fucking please kill me now. I had royally fucked up. How was Jasper still willing to hold my hair like that? He should've escaped in the middle of the night. He was too fucking kind for his own good.
"Can you get me some water?" I asked after I felt like I was done. I sluggishly flushed the toilet and crumbled to the cold floor with shivers for weeks. They weren't anywhere near as pleasant as the ones Jasper gave me.
I hated my life. Everything sucked. I was literally dying.
Jasper handed me a glass and I did my best to clean my disgusting fucking mouth with it. I was trying to decide if I could manage brushing my teeth or if I would drop dead doing that. Like, I wanted to. Desperately. But everything just hurt so badly. The mere thought of moving my hand in sideways motion made my stomach roll and my head ring.
Jasper made the choice for me. He scooped my weak ass body up in his arms and carried me back into the bed. If I didn't feel like a death crawled over, I would've enjoyed it very much.
"How are you feeling?" He asked quietly. Bless him for using his indoor voice.
"Like a million bucks, baby. Why, do I look bad or something?"
Oooh, he was rubbing my temples. Magic fingers were back at it again, reducing my aches and worries like it was no one's business. I hummed happily. He was making my head all better.
Damn, he would make such a good boyfriend. Why did he have to be married? And, you know, undead?
Wait, did this mean I was into corpses? Because... that's something weird to learn about yourself. Also, would anyone actually blame me for being into corpses if they looked like Jasper Whitlock? I think people would understand.
"You look gorgeous, lil' darling."
Fuck, how could he sound so sincere? I had to look like an absolute mess and he could still say something like that and make me fucking believe it! Goddamn he had a good poker face.
We should totally take a road trip to Vegas or something. As friends.
"Your friend has been calling you. I turned your phone on silent so you could sleep it off."
I groaned. Of course Angela had called. She was the bestest bestie ever. That girl could predict my meltdowns with scary accurancy. I was pretty sure she was part psychic or something. Or she just knew me and my self-destructive self too well.
I took my phone from the bedside table and squinted at the screen. It was too fucking bright. 6 missed calls. Angela had given up around 4 am. Poor thing, she must be exhausted.
I wished I would've felt good enough to call her immediately, but that was so not happening right now. And she needed her sleep. My brainy bestie couldn't shine if she didn't take care of herself.
Seriously hungover. I'll call you later and tell you everything. Sorry to worry you babe.
There. That was a short and sweet text message. Now I could go back to my suffering with a clear conscience. My hair hurt. How was it possible for my hair to hurt?
"I feel like shit..." I whined. I didn't want to think about the fact that I needed to get up soon and start making myself the prettiest I could possibly be so I could ruin Ariel's self-esteem entirely. It was easier to just be curled up against Jasper and suffer for my stupid decisions.
Although... I was supposed to be super pissed off at him using his magical mojo on me. Funny how that felt difficult with him rubbing my temples so gently...
Mmmm... Yeah, we should totally talk about that... later. Much, much later.
I heard a phone beeping and I blindly reached for it to see what Angela had replied, but it wasn't my phone that made noise. Jasper hummed and fished out his phone from the depths of his pockets. Well, this was a rare sight. Like, I didn't spend that much time on my phone, but I could count the times Jasper had held his phone this weekend with one hand.
Because it was just once. Yesterday when he called Rosalie. I was kind of curious about who was texting him.
Jasper just stared at the screen for god knows how long. His hand that had still been easing my headache stopped moving. What was going on? Like, had something happened?
"Everything okay there, buddy?" I asked. Because of course I did. As if I was capable of keeping my nose out of Jasper's business. I had proved that already.
Jasper clicked his tongue and shook his head like he was so done with whatever the text said. I tried to think of a subtle way I could sneak a peek of his phone. Our bodies were positioned in all the wrong ways for me to just casually look past his shoulder. Not that I would even see anything over his shoulder... unless he was sitting down and I stood up.
Sometimes it was a pain to be this goddamn short. It was a good thing that I was so fucking adorable. It made things bearable.
"It was Alice. She's being very cryptic again."
Well shit. I didn't think he'd actually want to talk about his super secret text message. Did I sense some trouble in paradise? I really shouldn't have felt so gleeful about it.
"So what's going on with our dear Alice today?" I asked. Admittedly with a little too much attitude. In my defense, I was pretty sure Alice Cullen deserved all the attitude in the world.
Jasper lowered his phone so it hovered over my face. Fucking bright screens. They were devil's creations. I grimaced and tried to ignore the way my brain slowly hacked itself to death with a fucking axe. There were more important things than my hangover. Namely butting into Jasper's business.
It's okay. I forgive you.
Okay, what the actual fuck? I could feel the passive aggressiveness attacking me through the phone screen. What the fuck was her problem? If she was pissed off at Jasper getting closer to someone who actually appreciated him as a fucking person, then she should have the lady balls to fucking talk to him face to face! Or at the very least call him.
"You know that Alice is a seer, right? I realized something last night and my future changed. She must've seen my new future." Jasper said with a sigh. He tossed his phone away and continued giving my poor head the magical treatment.
"And what, she doesn't like it so she's blaming you even before you've done anything wrong?" Damn it felt good to get angry. No more weepy Ella for this weekend. The bitch was fucking back and Alice was about to get put down.
Jasper laughed. Well, at least one of us was happy.
"You are just adorable when you defend my honour, Ella Johnson."
So... that's one way to get rid of a hangover, apparently. It was like all of my aches and nausea just vanished when my fucking hormones took over my body. Mmm... I wished I had brushed my teeth after all...
"So do you want to share with the class what you realized last night? I'm kind of curious as to what kind of realization changes someone's future."
Umm... was I sure that I wanted to know? Nope, not really. Shit. Why did I ask him that again? Oh right, because I was a nosy bitch. Good going, Ella. Why did it feel like I was about to get fucking burned?
What was that look on his face? He had almost tender look in his eyes, but his jaw was clenched like he was nervous or something. Did Jasper even get nervous? Like, I bet he was able to handle everything life threw at him without flinching.
"Very much so." He said. He was almost whispering.
That got my attention real fast. Like, was it too much to hope that this decision would involve us getting naked and busy under the covers? You know, after I had rinsed my mouth with a gallon of mouthwash and rubbed my skin raw in the shower for about an hour.
I was starting to realize what a hot mess I was. Jasper, being ever the gentleman, had not changed my clothes while I was passed out. So I was still wearing his very sand-stained hoodie... and nothing else.
Right... I made the wise decision to ditch my wet bikini last night. And now I had sand in all of my cracks and crevices. Fucking lovely. And my stomach rolled again.
"Okay, do tell."
His fingers stopped their magical massaging and instead he used them to brush my hair out of my face. Ugh... normally I would be all for it, but did he really need to look at my face so closely right now? I didn't even want to know what kind of a mutated swamp monster I looked like.
I really should've washed my face before passing out. Shit.
"Last night was an eye-opening experience for me. I realized that you are mortal. Fragile, weak and so precious. Compared to the life of a vampire, yours will pass in a blink of an eye." He said. All serious and shit. But with that gentle smile on his face.
You know, not exactly something I always wanted to hear, but I decided to wait and see where Jasper was going with this before I'd jump in to defend my puny mortal ass.
"I have centuries, millenniums to live and you have a few meager decades. To make things worse, that's only if nothing kills you before old age takes you. It terrifies me more than you can imagine."
I kind of wanted to say something sassy and badass as a response. I wasn't really liking the fact that he rubbed my humanity in my face like that. Like, he wasn't any better than me just because he was immortal. It kind of rubbed me the wrong way, but he sounded so fucking sincere that I bit down whatever I was going to spit out.
Honestly, the fucking things I did for love.
"I could try my hardest to protect you from harm, but the fact is that a mere virus or bacteria could take you away from me at any moment. You have no idea how much I want to run far away from you so the memories of you wouldn't haunt me forever after you are gone. It's so tempting to force myself to just forget you and go back to my safe, calm life."
"I'm not that fragile, you know. I'm a big girl and all that." I said. I had to. He was talking about me like I would break at the slightest touch. Like excuse me, but I had survived a vampire choking me, so give me some credit.
Jasper raised an eyebrow at me. What? Just how much of a weakling did he think I was?
"Ella, you stopped breathing yesterday. You could've died."
… when he put it that way...
"That was just... look, it was just a little meltdown. I'm fine." And here we go again. I swear it was my favorite phrase or something. I wondered if I was fooling anyone. I was so not fine, but that was so not the point of this argument. Jasper was being way too dramatic.
Hold up.
Wait... did he just...? Someone please tell me that I didn't just imagine him saying that I meant so much to him that he would miss me when I died.
"You need to stop saying that, lil' darling. You don't have to pretend when you're with me. I hope you realize that."
Okay, I was kind of ready to start bawling my eyes out again. What happened to the death of Weepy Ella? The bitch was supposed to be back, and not this emotional wreck. But then again, these choked up tears were the better variety. Goddamn I loved him so fucking much.
"Uh, were you going somewhere with this?" I asked and rubbed my eye. I was so not crying. Honest. My eye was just itchy.
Shut up.
"My realization was that while I'm deathly afraid of your demise, now I know that if you were to die tomorrow, a week or a year from now... the mere thought of letting the chance to have you in my life slip past my fingers would utterly destroy me. I could never forgive myself for that."
So... I was really liking the direction this conversation was heading towards. My heart started beating a little faster and I was pretty sure my face resembled a tomato at this point. Jasper Whitlock really had a way with words.
"Okay...?" Please tell me there was more to this. I needed there to be.
"I don't understand what's happening here. My attraction to you breaks the laws of everything I thought I knew. I have a mate, so all of this should be impossible. It makes no sense, but I can't and I won't ignore the fact that I feel an unstoppable urge to be near you."
I think I forgot how to breath again. But who the fuck cared? I certainly didn't. Oh my god, it was happening. Please let it happen...
"When I heard you crying, it tore at my soul. When someone threatens you, I want to destroy them to make sure you are safe. I feel so much joy and pleasure at the sound of your laughter... and when you look at me with those beautiful eyes of yours, filled with acceptance of who I am, I feel at peace and like I've come home."
Yep. I was dying. My fucking heart was going to explode at any minute. Holy fucking shit, it was really happening.
Jasper dropped his head so he could kiss my forehead. Good call. Why the fuck didn't I brush my teeth? Stupid, stupid Ella.
"I love you, Ella Johnson. So much that it scares me. Against all odds, you've captured my heart. I refuse to run away from my feelings. So... what do you say, will you be my girl?"
Oh my god.
Oh my fucking god.
My mind was blank. I didn't understand what was happening. Was I even awake? Did those words just come out of the mouth of the sexiest vampire ever? I screamed. Like, really screamed. I sounded like a fucking banshee. I wrapped myself around Jasper's yummy body and screamed right into his ear. I probably shouldn't have... he did have an excellent hearing, but I couldn't contain my feelings.
"...Is that a yes?" He asked. I could fucking hear his smirk. Like, did he even have to ask? I thought it was sort of obvious what my answer was going to be.
"Of course it's a yes, you dumbass. I love you so fucking much..."
He was my boyfriend. Holy fucking shit. Jasper Whitlock was my boyfriend!
Ella Johnson, at the tender age of 15 (almost 16) had a boyfriend. A 163 year old, blood-sucking boyfriend. I was so fucking happy. I wanted to smooch his beautiful face right off, but...
"Ugh... why couldn't you tell me that when I wasn't all gross and stuff?" I whined after my feelings had been sufficiently screamed out. I really wanted to kiss him right then and there, but I had thrown up like five minutes ago and let's not even mention how messy and dirty I was from yesterday's meltdown.
I needed a serious scrubbing right away. How could Jasper even look at me when I smelled like shit, my hair was a mess, I was in dirty clothes and I was pretty sure I had the raccoon eyes that would make any angsty emo teen jealous. Fuck...
Jasper laughed and pulled me tighter against his body. Mmm... I really liked it when he did that. He should totally do it all the time from now on. That would be the dream.
"You are beautiful, Ella. You're always so beautiful."
Oh fuck. Those smooth, smooth words again. How was I supposed to fight against that?
"How are you such a good liar? Like seriously, I must have a vomit breath right now. Or a morning breath at the very least. I don't even want to look in the mirror right now. There is no fucking way I'm beautiful right now."
His eyes crinkled in the most adorable way. There was definitely a spark in his golden eyes. He was happy. Actually happy. Because of me. Holy fuck, that made my heart beat so fucking hard. It was so much more addicting than his sex powers! Who the fuck would have guessed that making Jasper Whitlock happy was the recipe for perfect bliss?
"You do realize that I tortured humans until they unleashed everything they had in their bodies, right? There is no way I would be grossed out by your bodily functions. I think you beautiful just like this. Happy and smiling."
Now that sounded eerily like a challenge. I was so going to test that theory of him not being grossed out by me when I got my next period.
Did vampires think that period blood smelled yummy? That was so gross. Like, it was blood so was it delicious to them? Ugh... were there vampires that went down on girls on their period...? Why the fuck did I have to think about that?! I was making myself nauseous all over again. Stupid thoughts.
"You should get your eyes checked then. Ugh... I need a long shower and I need to brush my teeth."
Jasper shook his head like he was mighty amused. What a weird guy. Ah well, it wasn't like I was going to throw a hissy fit because he called me beautiful when I didn't think I was. Who was I to complain when my boyfriend thought I looked amazing no matter what?
I just needed to get clean so I could enjoy myself with my boyfriend.
AHHH! I can't believe I had a boyfriend!
...or did I? I frowned slightly and eyed Jasper suspiciously.
"Just so we are clear, you are breaking up with Alice, right? Because I'm so not going to be the other woman."
I just wanted to be sure. I hadn't known Jasper for that long. Maybe he was one of those guys who wanted a side piece of ass. I doubted it, but you never knew. He could surprise me.
"Yes, you silly girl. I am leaving Alice. Or rather, I do believe she just left me. I love you and I want to be with you."
Aaaand my heart was singing. Shit. I was in deep trouble. But why the fuck would I care about that? Jasper loved me. Jasper Whitlock loved me!
"That's a relief. I'm not big on sharing, you see. But seriously, I need to haul my perfect ass in the shower. Mom's going to burst throught that door any minute now..."
"Mmm... but I would much rather just keep you right here for the entire day."
Okay, he should not be saying stuff like that to me when I was dirty as fuck. I wanted to fuck him so badly, but I felt so gross that I couldn't. Ugh... I groaned and nuzzled his shoulder. He was such an evil bastard, turning me on like that when he knew there was no way we could do what he was suggesting. There was a wedding to attend and I was going to make fucking sure that Ariel would have the worst night of her life.
And I needed to look fucking bomb while doing that.
"Yeah, I don't think that's going to happen before tonight. I'm going to enjoy the company of my mother the entire fucking day. I need to look perfect for the wedding."
I just realized that I was going to be with my mom the entire day. Fuck. Me. Could some supernatural force just strike me dead already? I was so not looking forward to that.
But then again, I was on a fucking mission so maybe it wouldn't be too bad. For once, we both wanted me to look so stunning that Ariel's plastic face would fall off.
"You already do... I don't want to leave you alone with her..." Jasper growled softly. Well fuck. He clearly wasn't over yesterday's little hiccup. That was going to come back and bite me in the ass.
Hardy-ha. Bite me in the ass. Get it? Bite, because he's a vampire? That said, would Jasper bite me in the ass? I might be into that.
"I'm not going to be alone. Faye has to be there too. Especially after the brawl mom had with Aunt Gloria. Hurricane Marilyn is going to attack us on full force." Yeah, I was just going to ignore the indication that Jasper was worried about me being with my mom. I wasn't going there. No way. Not today. Not when I was so fucking happy.
"Just... just don't listen to her words, lil' darling. I need to step out for a couple of hours, so I'm not here to defend you."
Hmmm... interesting. There was a scheming look in his eyes. You know, behind all of that worry for my well being.
"And what are you up to, Major Whitlock?" I asked, poking him in the ribs. Gently, because my finger could actually break if I poked him too hard.
Jasper gave me a secretive smile that made my face heat up. He was looking all sorts of cunning and dangerous. Gave me wonderful chills right down my spine. Whoa boy, I needed that shower quickly or I would lose all of my resolve.
I was so not going to make out with him while I had vomit-breath. I just wasn't that kind of girl.
But he was making it so damn difficult to resist.
"I have a little surprise for the bride... Let's just say that I took a page out of your playbook."
Shivers. Fucking shivers for days. I shuddered in pleasure and pushed myself out of his arms with the fucking determination of a fat guy going after the last piece of cake.
"You are the actual worst. Go. Go right now before my resolve crumbles to dust. I don't want to see your sexy ass before I'm put together and a lot less gross."
He laughed again. He had just the most beautiful laugh I had ever heard. He dropped a little kiss to my forehead and then he was out of the door. Planning something devious.
I just knew that Jasper would destroy Ariel completely. And it turned me on so fucking much.
There was something wrong with my head. But I really didn't give a fuck.
Author's Final Notes:
Well, as expected, nothing worked out quite like I had planned. You would think that as a person with no life whatsoever, I would find time to write more often but no... Stupid real life obligations that I can't just not do. Still, I do freely admit that I spent at least 2 weeks worth procrastinating. My mind was overtaken by an obsessive thought and I needed to 'write' that story out in my mind before I could focus on this story. Sorry everyone, again...
I do hope that this makes up for it. Does it? I really hope it does. :D
BECAUSE IT FINALLY HAPPENED, PEOPLE! Jasper said those words. Finally, am I right?
Also, I wonder what Alice is planning? Is she truly so good and forgiving, or is there something else afoot...? Hmmmmm...
A special shout-out to New Momma! This chapter is dedicated to baby Calia. Congratulations. I'm sure she is beyond adorable!
Okay, I shall go back to writing now. I need to get back on track here. Thank you all so much for continuing to read this. I promise to make an effort to do better. I'm not happy about my lack of frequent updates and neither are you guys. So I'll try my hardest to change that.
ps, I'm terribly sorry for those who get super grossed out by bodily functions. Ella likes to get into details.
