Chapter 19: In which Mother is insane, Angela is worried and Jasper is stingy with kisses
I wasn't entirely sure if I had ever been this exhausted in my life. Now, I loved getting all dolled up. It was therapeutic as fuck and it made me feel great. Having my mom torture me for three hours while I was severely hungover was not therapeutic and fun. Oh no. It was literal hell.
Like, I had to keep quiet about my discomfort because I didn't want my mom to pick up on the fact that I wasn't feeling my best. We had this silent agreement that she wouldn't comment on my bad habits if the outside world couldn't see what was going on. And yes, my mom was shallow like that.
Who gives a fuck if a teenager is drinking, as long as nobody sees it, am I right? But if I ever looked like someone would notice that Marilyn Johnson's underaged daughter did something so horrible, all hell would break loose.
It was so nice to have a mother who didn't give a shit about what I did on my free time if I didn't embarrass the fucking family.
I looked at myself in the mirror. Mom was fussing over Faye's hair, so I had a moment of peace for myself. I was nearly done anyway. The fucking wedding was going to start in like two hours, so there wasn't much else for her to do. Really, the only thing missing was my lipstick and I was saving that for right before it was go time. Well, that and the actual dress I was going to wear. I wouldn't be putting that on before it was go-time. It would be the literal worst if I managed to dirty it somehow.
I also had every intention to hunt Jasper down and smooch him silly. I was in serious need of his sexy self and my god, I was not about to watch my fucking worst enemy get her happily ever after without some quality Jasper time. That would no doubt wrinkle my beautiful dress and smudge my lipstick. So it was better to save those things until after Jasper-kisses.
I was kind of looking forward to seeing my dearest cousin in all of her wedding glory. All pale and sickly and pimply and miserable. I was kind of hoping that she would shit herself at the alter. Not that I particularly wanted to witness someone shitting all over the floor, but I wanted Ariel to be as humiliated as possible.
And I had a plan to achieve just that. But Jasper's lips were a top priority before that.
I looked at my phone. I wanted to call Angela so badly and tell her the good news. I got all giddy at the thought of how she would react. Like, she was going to be excited and happy for me, but she'd also lecture me about being reckless.
I didn't get it. What was so reckless about dating a hot vampire? Angela had always worried too much. But I guess that was one of the many reasons why I loved her to death.
"Hey mom, I need to call Angela. Are we done?" I asked, hoping that I wasn't poking the bear. Mom turned to glare at me. Fuck! What did I do now? I had been nothing but cooperative this entire fucking day. There really was no way of pleasing her.
"If you must..." She said with a displeased sniff. What a fucking drama queen. Of course I had to call my best friend. I wanted to gossip about my hot boyfriend! And stay sane until this wedding was over and done.
Faye looked at me with panic in her eyes. Her entire face was just screaming 'don't leave me alone with her'. I rolled my eyes and slipped away from the torture chamber. Sucks to be her right now.
Ahhh. Fresh air. It wasn't anywhere near as grey and gloomy as it had been yesterday. Like, I didn't think we were going to see the sun today, but it was warmer and brighter. I was pretty sure there wouldn't be icy drizzle that would ruin my hair and makeup today.
I walked a little farther away from my mom's cabin so I could talk without her bat-ears hearing all the dirty details about my relationship with Jasper. I wasn't emotionally ready for the Hurricane Marilyn finding out about my boyfriend.
"What happened? Are you okay?!" Angela practically screeched into the phone. It hurt my ears, but this kind of pain was good. Love hurts.
"You know, hi to you too. And how are you on this fine day?" Okay, what kind of a friend would I be if I didn't mess with her a little bit? I knew what she wanted to talk about. I just didn't want to go into it too deeply. I wanted to focus on the amazing shit happening in my life.
"You stop that right now. Tell me."
Did I want to tell her? Yes, definitely. Did I want to do it now? Hell no. I just got my make up done. I didn't want to ruin it by getting all weepy again. I was so done with the crying for one weekend.
Also, I was not about to see my nemesis getting married with a puffy and red face. Fuck no. I was going to be fucking radiant. Perfection on Earth.
"I'm fine now. It was just a minor breakdown. I don't want to talk about it before I'm back home. I want to tell you something fucking miraculous."
Angela huffed in an annoyed manner.
"Just tell me that I don't have to worry about you doing something stupid tonight."
"Babe, you know me. I would never! But like seriously, I have news."
Big news. Huge fucking news. Like, could we focus on the important things here? Namely me and my hot boyfriend.
"You're going to tell me that you're in love with Jasper Cullen, aren't you?"
I was fucking floored. How the hell did she know? I swear Angela was a fucking witch or something. What a way to steal my thunder. You know, it sometimes kind of sucked that my best friend was so damn smart and knew me so damn well. I never got to have a moment.
But jokes on her, because I had even more earth-shattering news to share.
"Nope! It's that he loves me back and we started dating."
Silence. There was just utter and complete silence. I would've been convinced that I had suddenly gone deaf if I couldn't hear the wind blowing. Well, well, well... it was a super rare treat for me to stump my brainy friend. I wasn't going to let her live this down for the next 10 years. This shit was going into one of my notebooks... just as soon as I got my hands on one.
God I missed my notebooks.
"I love you, Ella. You know that I'll always support you in whatever you get up to. But I just have a few questions."
Well fuck. It's not like I was that surprised that she was less than impressed with the news. She didn't know all the details of this weekend. Of course she'd have some doubts and questions.
"Fire away, babe. I swear that I'm not insane."
A little white lie never hurt anybody...
"Great. First of all, what the hell? He's a vampire for god's sake! Have you completely lost your mind?"
I resent that. My bestie should know that I lost my mind many, many years ago. I mean, she was there to see it all happen. And really, what was the big issue here? Sure, Jasper had a little hankering for some fresh blood, but hey! Angela had a serious addiction to chocolate, so who was she to preach other for their bad life choices?
"It's not that big of deal, Ang. He's a good vampire!" I defended him.
And he was. Jasper was a fucking angel sent from the heavens as far as I was concerned. Yeah, he was ready to murder my entire family, but it was all for me. That was sweet. Evil vampires wouldn't protect me like that. What was important was the fact that Jasper would never do anything that hurt me. That was all I cared about.
Call me selfish all you want.
"He's a walking corpse, Ella. A corpse that drinks blood out of humans and who could kill you without any effort."
I rolled my eyes. Angela scoffed and I had an eery feeling that she knew exactly what I was doing. Pros/cons of knowing each other for so long.
"Okay first of all, Jasper only drinks animal blood. And even if he did drink from humans, so what? Are you a horrible person for eating beef and pork? I don't think so. Why is he so different?"
"Let's start with the fact that I don't want to date my food."
Well, now she was just being a bitch. Just a little bit. It was pretty much impossible for Angela to be a complete bitch. She was way too nice and good. But damn did she defend her views with some fire.
"You are being ridiculous. And that's me saying that, so you know it's bad. Listen, I really love him. He's so good to me. If you were here then you would agree with me." I said. I was kind of feeling sliiightly superior at that moment since Angela was always the voice of reason and now I got to play that part.
Of course, you could make the argument that I was batshit crazy and doing something incredibly stupid, but I chose to see it differently. It was my fucking birthright as an American to have my truth, facts be damned! God bless this great country.
"And what about that time when he tried to kill you? Ella, it happened pretty damn recently." Okay, so she had a point. But things had changed after that and he had explained why it had happened. And I had a homework slave because of it, so forgive and forget!
"Ancient history. I pushed Jessica off of a swing when we were kids and she forgave me."
Funny story, that one. There had been barbies involved. At least Jessica never played with scissors around my barbies after that incident.
"...you are really grasping at straws here. Look, I'm worried. He could hurt you so easily." Angela's voice cracked at the end of that sentence. I felt my own throat tickle slighty.
Goddamn I loved that girl. I have no fucking idea what I did to deserve a bestie like her, but I was so grateful. I sniffed. I was so not going to cry with my eyes all done.
"But Ang, I know he won't. I trust him. Like I trust you. I know he's going to take care of me. Let him prove it to you too before you order me to stay away from him. Because you know I would do it if that's what you really wanted. So I'm asking you not to ask me that."
She drew in a deep breath. I was holding my own breath and we ended up sighing at the same time. It's great when your bond with your best friend is so strong that your breathing patterns sync up.
"Fine. I'm not going to ask. But if he doesn't impress me, then I'm putting an end to this."
I grinned. I did love it when I got my way.
000
There was an actual fucking bounce in my steps as I walked far, far away from my crazy mother and towards one extremely sexy vampire who was probably already waiting for me at our cabin. Talking to Angela put me in such a good mood. I swear that girl was an angel. Even when she was lecturing me about my dumb decisions.
I looked fucking gorgeous, my hangover was mostly gone and I would get to see the blushing bride look like something dragged straight out of a horror movie soon enough. Life was fucking good!
And I was pretty damn convinced that Angela would be totally Team Jasper once she got to know him. She was way too smart to not see how great of a guy he was. Like yeah, she was a little worried and had some good points, but she had reacted way too harshly to my good news. Sort of.
Okay, so Angela had been the epitome of rational if compared to how I would've been like with my bestie's life in potential danger. Like, from an outsider's point of view, being with Jasper did put me in constant state of danger. One wrong move or scraped knee and boom! A very dead Ella.
But Jasper would never do that to me. It was more likely that he would kill whatever evil object dared to touch me. I trusted him enough to risk my beautiful neck by being with him. Besides, if he did accidentally hurt me real bad, he'd probably turn me into a vampire and then I could kick his ass. And he would happily let me do that.
My eyes caught a familiar shape in my far-left so I paused nearly mid-bounce. Shit. It was Lydia and she looked like she had been hit by a semi-truck. Not her best look, to be honest. Her hair could do with some gel and dear god, her eyebags were giving me anxiety! The wedding was supposed to start in like an hour and she looked like that? Holy shit.
Ahhh, great. Just fucking great. I was going to have to do this right now. I felt guilty enough and there was no fucking way I could let my only ally enter the snake pit looking like that. Not even after she dared to say I was anything like that rabid pug.
Curse me for being such a fucking good person. Really, I could do with little less morality.
I was going to blame Angela for this. She had a fucking guideline for whenever I fucked things up. Her voice was practically ringing in my ears. It was possibly because I had just spent almost an hour listening to her voice.
When you say things like that, you have to ask yourself these two questions: Did you mean it... and did they deserve it? You do that, and I promise you I'll forgive you every time.
But like, props to my angelic best friend for being so forgiving. She never even demanded that I apologize or feel bad for shit that I've done. She just demands that I think about it. I was pretty certain that she's manipulating the shit out of me, but hey... whatever works, right?
I rolled my eyes and picked up the hem of my skirt so it wouldn't get all wet and stuff. Here we go again. It was time to put my big girl panties on and deal with yesterday's fuck-up. Angela would be so proud.
"You look like shit." Okay, so it wasn't the strongest opening I could've used... but Lydia grinned weakly so it was all good. She was my relative, after all. We all operated the same way.
"You are an actual bitch." She said as a response. I laughed. She wasn't wrong. But this bitch did have some better moments.
"So, do you want me to say the actual words?" I asked. Because I wasn't sure if I could. I would probably choke on my pride or something dramatic like that. Johnsons didn't do apologies. We just didn't.
Lydia rolled her puffed up eyes. We sat down together on the damp grass. I tried not to think just how badly my skirt was going to be ruined. It didn't seem like the appropriate time to worry about my clothes.
Although to be fair... when was it ever not the right time to worry about my appearance?
"It depends. Did you mean what you said?"
A valid question. I gnawed on my lower lip as I pondered over her question. Had I meant it? Nahid was infamous for being absent from family gatherings. Some part of me did think that if he cared more about Lydia then he'd suck it up and support her through these nightmarish moments.
But did I think that Nahid would rather get his ass full of lead instead of sleeping in the same bed as his wife?
"The words themselves? Of course not. I wanted to hurt you and I knew that's your biggest weakness. Nahid loves you in a way that's disgusting to witness, so I know he'd never want to be away from your stupid ass."
Look at me going! This honesty thing I had going on with Jasper really caught on! Lydia let out a wet laugh. Eww. Just like, blow your nose or something. She sounded like she was drowning in snot.
I probably should keep that opinion strictly to myself.
"Good. Then I'm sorry too. You are not like dear Ariel. Not even close."
Damn straight I wasn't! Nothing on this Earth could be even half as bad as that bitch.
"So are we good? Because you really do look like shit and I'm way too nice of a person to let you wallow on your misery and look like that at the wedding. Seriously, concealer is your friend."
What can I say? I just didn't do the mushy bonding thing with my relatives. It wasn't in my nature. Besides, there was no way of telling when it would be in Lydia's best interests to turn on me. Friendship wasn't something I was willing to risk getting into. I didn't think I'd be able to handle someone I actually considered a trusted friend to turn on me.
"Oh my god! Leave me alone, you bitch! I'll make you have questionable thoughts about me at the wedding. Just you wait."
I felt content. Everything was back as it should be. Ariel was dying of horrible diarrhea, Lydia was someone I could tolerate, Brody was probably still an utter asshole and I had a hot vampire boyfriend who I was going to attack and devour his sexy face.
"Don't worry. My hair is looking way too fucking perfect right now. I need to see if my boyfriend can help me mess it up a little bit so I don't have time to play with your sorry ass."
And with that, I pulled myself up and continued on my merry way. It was possible that there was a newfound hurry in my steps because I might've just imagined Jasper throwing me on the bed and having his way with me.
And it was possible that I needed to change my panties before I put my party dress on...
000
"Angela wants to speak with you once we get back home. She hasn't decided if she approves of you yet." I said as a greeting while walking into our homey little room. It was really growing on me and I grudgingly had to give Ariel some credit for picking such a great venue. Not that I would ever say that to her face. Ew.
Jasper cocked his head in the most adorable ways that made my heart give a warm squeeze. His brows furrowed slightly as he processed my words.
"So you told her about us?" He asked. I rolled my eyes and walked to the wardrobe. I needed to check that my dress was in tip-top shape and ready to go.
"She's my best friend. Of course I told her about us. I wanted to brag that I had the hottest and the sweetest boyfriend ever. So yeah, she's going to interrogate you and you have to play nice. No growling at my bestie, or I'll kick your ass."
Jasper snorted. The bastard. I should let him know that I was more than capable of kicking his ass. Well, I had a best friend who was more than capable of coming up with a way to kick his ass. And if all else failed then I would blackmail Creepward into kicking his ass. I was not above spreading rumours about him and his daddy to the entire town of Forks.
Like really, people should fear me more. Just because I was adorable and pocket sized did not mean that I wasn't ready to destroy anyone standing in my way.
"You laugh now, but Ang is going to scare the shit out of you. And steal me away from you if you give her any reason to suspect you are not perfect for me."
It was only polite to let him know what was at stake. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against him. There were many, many pleasant shivers running through me. Jasper dropped his head onto the crook of my neck and rocked me gently.
So... how much trouble would I be in if I just... skipped the wedding? I think it would be much more worth my time to stay right here in this cabin with Jasper and his yummy arms. And lips. And the rest of him.
"No one will steal you away from me. I won't let them."
Well, there went my ability to stand up straight. My knees wobbled and Jasper kindly tightened his hold and held me upright. This sexy piece of work would be the literal death of me.
"That's right. So you'll play nice with Angela. Glad that's settled... Now, do you want to tell me what you were up to today?" He was still in his regular clothes so it was safe to say he hadn't been spending the entire morning getting ready.
Like seriously, how was it possible that it took guys only like 15 minutes to get ready for a big party? It was fucking ridiculous. If I tried to be ready in under an hour, I would just look like a drowned rat or something. Ugh... I just creeped myself out.
"Or I'll just take you far away so Angela doesn't have the chance to get you."
Goddamn he was such a flirt. But yeah, that would never happen. First of all, there was no nook or cranny in this world where Angela wouldn't be able to find me if she put her mind to it. My girl was crazy smart. And living without Angela in my life? That did not sound like a good time to me.
Bros before hoes. No matter how sexy, tall and buff this hoe was.
"Yeah, let me know how that'll work out for you. She'd go full nuclear on your ass." And what a fine ass it was...
Ella, get your fucking mind out of the gutter before you'll have to mop the damn floors.
"Fine. I will be extra polite and cordial to your best friend. Now, did I mention how breathtakingly beautiful you look?"
My heart was so ready to burst. But this was so not the time for that. Jasper really should learn when it was appropriate to turn me into a puddle of goo. The wedding was about to begin and I'd be damned if I didn't give it the... focus it deserved.
My nemesis was about to get married and if I didn't get to enjoy her misery, then I would feel pretty fucking awful about it all. Like seriously, she would be an absolute nightmare in the future so I wanted to make sure this day would be as far from perfect as it was possible. That hell-spawn didn't deserve a perfect day of happiness.
But first... I wrapped my hands around his wide shoulders, totally not copping a feel, and nudged his head so he would look at me. He got the hint and blessed me with one of his beautiful smiles. What a fucking charmer. It was illegal to look that hot and adorable and handsome all at the same time.
And to think he was mine... oooh, I shivered a little.
"I want that kiss now." I said with a little whine in my voice. There might've been a little bit of pouting going on in my lower lip.
"Such a demanding lil' darling..." He said in a deliciously husky voice and proceeded to peck my lips.
Just a fucking peck. So unfair.
He was giving me the smirk of a century. The bastard was enjoying my very clear frustration. Hmph. Two could play that game. He didn't want to give me proper smoochies? Well, that was just fine by me. I stuck out my tongue to him and danced away from his warm embrace. I had clothes to change anyway.
I peeled off my shirt and threw it on the floor. I could practically feel Jasper's eyes burning into my back. I liked that feeling. Made me all tingly and warm. He should continue to keep his eyes on me. Only on me.
"Ella?" He asked. Or maybe growled. His voice was lower and darker than it had been just a minute ago. Shivers. Fucking shivers for days.
I ignored him and shimmied out of my skirt and casually gave my party dress one last inspection. In my underwear. In the middle of our cabin.
I could've sworn I heard purring coming from Jasper's general direction. It was super tempting to turn around and ask him to help me take the rest of my clothes off too, but hey... the man didn't want my smoochies, so it was only fair that I turned my focus to getting ready.
"You should change too. It's almost time for my dear cousin to have her happily ever after."
Jasper cleared his throat and then something blurry caught my eye. There was a swooshing sound and then I heard the bathroom door close and I snorted. I wouldn't have minded if he would've changed his clothes in the same room with me...
Whatever. It probably was better this way. Jasper undressing in front of me would've been super distracting. I shrugged and started getting dressed. I was debating on whether I wanted to go down to the snake pit early and possibly talk shit about The Bitch Supreme or if I wanted to avoid seeing my relatives until the last possible moment.
It was always great to spread nasty rumors about my disgusting cousin. But it could backfire real quick if one of my darling family members got their slimy tentacles on my person. I was always the one who was being put down and I wasn't sure if I wanted to experience that pleasure again.
The whole point of bringing my totally awesome and hot and nearly perfect boyfriend to this nightmare was to avoid being the family's punching bag. I could possibly make Justin's side of guests think the worst about Ariel, but seriously? I doubt there was a single person who had spend more than 5 seconds with her that thought she was a good person.
Except Justin. But he might've been damaged in the head.
I zipped my dress up and rummaged through my pile of clothes for my user-friendly heels. Ariel was so not worth it. I was just going to focus on looking absolutely gorgeous while she looked like a pile of plastic shit. That should sour her mood a little bit. And it would bring me so much joy...
"Brody and Faye are at the door." Jasper said as he walked out of the bathroom, adjusting his cufflinks. I looked at him from his gorgeous golden head to his Italian leather covered toes. Goddamn I was in love. And possibly drooling.
I wiped my chin just to make sure I was not spewing any bodily fluids out of any orfices. Jasper threw me a deadly smirk. Yeah yeah, pretend to be all that you smug bastard. Who was the one running into the bathroom to hide because they couldn't handle their girlfriend's hot body? That's right, buddy! Jasper literally had no ground to stand on now.
I heard the knocking, or banging actually, and opened the door to my stupid brother and his goddess of a fiance. I raised my eyebrow at Faye's rather controversial choice of dress.
It was silver. At a wedding that was not hers. Nice!
"Any guesses who picked my clothes?" Faye muttered with an adorable frown. She was way too pretty to look properly angry. I nodded my head in understanding. My mother was certified insane.
Jasper handed me a silk scarf that I draped over my shoulders. So I guess this was happening. My disgusting cousin was actually getting married and I had to witness it. Ew. I swear, if Ariel and Justin started choking each other with their tongues, I would hurl. Nobody should ever have to witness such a horrible sight.
It's fun to gross myself out like this. I shuddered and tried to shake that nasty thought faaaar away from my mind.
"You guys think that anyone would notice if we left right after the ceremony?" Brody asked in a tiny voice. It was comforting to know that my brother was just as excited for this shitshow as I was. Misery loved company and it always made me feel better when Brody was the miserable one.
"Mom would literally kill us. But we are leaving first thing tomorrow morning. I already set up our alarm at 6 am." I said.
Jasper rolled his eyes and wrapped his arm around my waist. I leaned against him carefully so my hair stayed perfect. I may have told Lydia that I wanted him to mess it up, but there was no way I would allow a single hair be out of place this day.
That didn't mean he couldn't mess it up later tonight. He could mess all of me up all night long. Now there was a thought...
"Gross." Brody said, pretending to gag. What? I didn't say it out loud, did I?
"Baby, you are drooling." Jasper said gently and helpfully swiped his warm fingers over my bottom lip. Well, that was unfortunate.
"We need to go now. It's showtime." Faye informed us. I sighed and quickly put some lipstick on. I checked myself in the mirror for the last time and then squared my shoulders to the best of my ability.
Time to pretend that I was 10 feet tall and absolutely gorgeous.
Easy.
Author's Final Notes:
Like a phoenix that rises from the ashes, this masterpiece of mine is back to being updated! And you know, actually written.
Sorry for the unintended hiatus. Time is a concept and seriously, after the first 3 months one becomes blind to how long it has been since I visited this story. There was a lot of procrastination, utter exhaustion, possible depression and a lot of lack of concentration involved to my absence. Also, I clearly have commitment issues and I had a bit of a writer's block. Anyone knows what it feels like to get stuck on one sentence and because of that to be completely unable to proceed in any way? Fun times.
I hope everyone is safe and trying their best to help beat this nasty virus. The second wave is picking up some speed in my country, but things are pretty well under control all things considered. I hope that this is the case for everyone else too.
So, about this chapter. It's just a little something to help gently ease myself back into writing and posting this story. Nothing groundbreaking. The next chapter will be the dreaded wedding finally. Can poor Ella hold herself together for one last time? What is Jasper's neferious plan? Will someone throttle Faye for wearing a silver dress? I will try my absolute best to give you all these answers by the end of this week.
And hey, if that fails... I'll see you all in like 2022? I'm kidding!
...hopefully.
