Chapter 22: Hello this is Jasper speaking
If you had told me that this particular group of humans were capable of being this quiet for an extended period of time just a day ago, I would have thought it impossible. And yet the only sounds that accompanied the soft purring of my car's engine was the purring snores of Brody, their breathing and the beating of their hearts.
It was only 9 am and we were almost back home to Forks already. Ella had not been joking around when she said that we were going to leave at the first possible moment. The alarm clock had woken her up at 6 am and we had been ready to leave by 7.
I stole a glance at her, sleeping peacefully on my right side. My chest felt warm at the sight of her. I don't think I had seen her this relaxed and carefree before. She had barely bothered to brush her hair this morning, a testament to just how exhausted she felt from this weekend. Her hair was pulled up and it was getting more and more tousled at every tiny movement her head made as she slept.
She wasn't wearing any make up. The bruises around her neck had finally faded enough that humans couldn't see them. I still could tell the slight discoloration in the shape of my fingertips and it brought a flood of shame to my whole body.
I had hurt her. I don't think I could ever forgive myself for that. I knew that Ella had forgiven me. She had told me so and she had fully meant them. But the memory of her dying face still haunted me. She had been dying and it had been because of me. I had so very carefully brought her to the point where just one tighter squeeze would have crushed her throat. Just he slightest flick of my wrist would have snapped her neck. I had gotten that all too familiar thrill of having control over someone's life for a fraction of a second until I had realized what I was doing.
I had no idea how Ella could have forgiven me for that. How she could have found it in her heart to love me even after I had done that to her? My sweet girl was something else.
God I loved her.
This weekend was such a bizarre occurance. I had not thought it would be possible for me to feel like this. To love someone and be truly loved and desired in return. To feel like I was accepted, faults and all. It was a feeling I was not familiar with.
I barely remembered my parents at this point. Their faces had faded from my memory as years passed. But I did remember that they had always wished another path for me. Our family had been quite poor. They had struggled to get me into a school. They had seen how intelligent I had been and they had wished for me to use my brain to get a better life for myself.
But then the war had happened and I had wanted to protect my family and my neighbours. Mother and father had forbid me for even considering joining the army. I had ran away from home after a bad argument about it. I still held love for my parents, but the feeling of not being accepted fully had stuck. Back then I wished nothing more than to have their blessing. For them to be proud of me.
Thinking back to those times, it really was a foolish decision on my part. But I was just a 17 year old child. I was bound to make stupid decisions and I had paid for them dearly.
War made monsters out of men.
I had not been prepared for the realities of war. It had been romanticized in my mind. I suppose the propaganda spewed by the Confederates had done its job. I had been sold on the idea of going out there and protecting my loved ones from those who wished to kill us all. Nothing had prepared me to the fact that I was going on a battlefield to kill fellow human beings. And if I could not kill them, they would kill me.
It was traumatic for a teenager and I had to adapt quickly. It's kind of funny how Alice always blamed the vampire part of me for the violence and the blood lust. In her mind it was the creature within me that had made me into a monster.
But I had become a monster long before I had ever met Maria.
One does not become a Major in two years and at the age of 19 without being clever and flashy. Regular foot soldiers didn't rise in the ranks so quickly. They died. And I had not wanted to die, so I had done what I needed to survive.
Humans were capable of great feats of love and care for their fellow humans. And humans were also capable of committing the greatest of atrocities to their own kind. It helped to stop thinking of them as people. It helped me sleep if they weren't humans like me. They were just enemies, something not worthy of breathing. Definitely not something that I should mourn as I cut them down.
I had become numb in my time as a soldier. It was easier to not feel anything when I killed others. And once you didn't feel remorse anymore, it started to be fun. Like it was a challenge or a game. I liked the feeling of challenging myself to get better and better at defeating my enemies. To feel superior to the worthless scum I was fighting against made me feel on top of the world.
Just another monster created by the never-ending cycle of human violence.
And then I met Maria and it was like a divine punishment had been placed upon me.
Carlisle believes that we carry specific traits of our human selves over to our new lives as vampires. He was altruistic and cared so deeply for his fellow man that he never succumbed to the natural instinct to feed on humans once he was turned. His love for humanity manifested as resistance to the allure of human blood. Esme had been flooded with hormones after just losing her baby when she had been transformed and thus her motherly nature carried over to her new life.
But it was not always as simple as that. I was numb to almost all emotions when Maria got a hold of me. And once she injected me with her venom and I changed, that numbness within me flipped entirely. I became an empath. Unable to escape from the onslaught of emotions from everyone and everything around me. Perhaps it was because I had become so devoid of feelings that it left room for other people's feelings.
Maria's trait had also been twisted into something opposite. Her human life had been... horrible. She had never fully told me the story, but from the bits and pieces she had divulged, I had deducted that she had been entirely powerless as a human. Stripped of all agency and made to suffer at the mercy of her tormentors. She had never felt in control in her entire life as a human.
And then as a vampire, power and control was what she craved more than anything. It was more than just a want. She needed it to function. She thirsted for that feeling of utter control like our kind thirsted for blood. She needed it to survive and not having it quite literally destroyed her mind.
We were doomed from the start, Maria and I. She needed me to deliver that power to her. She always needed more. More blood, more soldiers, more violence, more cruelty, more submission. It was never enough for her. And I tried my best, but I could never give her what she needed.
Because I wasn't the perfect soldier anymore. I was punished for my crimes as a human. I was forced to feel everything that my victims felt. I could not perform to the level that she needed me to. I tried to fight against it for so long, but as I killed more and more humans and vampires, as I indulged in the violence that was ingrained deep within me, the guilt started to pile up until it consumed me.
It didn't help that I still enjoyed being in control too. I could never fully submit to her and in the end we struggled for power. And I had to come to terms with the fact that she had never been able to love me like I had loved her. I couldn't be what she needed and she couldn't feel love anymore. Logically I understood that it was not my fault. But I still felt like I just wasn't enough.
Ella hummed softly in her sleep, bringing me out of my dark thoughts. I looked at her again and couldn't help but smile. Her cheeks were puffed up and her pouty mouth was slightly open. I reached out with my hand and gently wiped the corner of her mouth that had a little bit of drool gathered there.
Sigh... was there anything cuter and more adorable than Ella Johnson as she slept? The only contender that I could think of was Ella as she was flustered, or irritated, or playful...
Ahh, I just wanted to hug her right now. Why did we have to be in a moving car? This girl was so dangerous to my unbeating heart. She was far too pretty for me to handle.
"Hmmm... are we there yet?" Ella mumbled sleepily. She took my hand into hers and slowly opened her eyes. I wished I could've just stared at her the entire day. But I had to drive the car and while it didn't take much of my attention, I didn't want to risk her safety by getting lost in her pretty grey eyes.
"We still have a good 15 minutes to go. You can sleep some more if you want to." I told her in a soft voice. She needed all the rest she could get. It had been a rough weekend for her.
For me too, but I had no need for physical rest and that gave me more time to deal with the mental exhaustion that I had experienced.
It wasn't often that one's whole worldview was turned upside down.
Ella smiled lazily and ran her fingers all over the palm of my hand. It sent pleasant tingles all over my body and relaxed me immensely.
She said that I had a magical touch, but hers definitely held magic too.
"Nah, it's okay. I should call Ang and let her know I'm almost home."
"Sounds good. You'll have all day to convince her that I'm good for you."
I needed Angela to accept me. I wouldn't let Ella go without putting a damn good fight and fighting with her best friend would only serve to hurt her. And I refused to intentionally hurt her ever again. My sweet girl would always be protected by me.
Well, she was sweet to those worthy of her affections. Sweeter than honey in fact.
But a vicious little viper to those who deserved it. There was darkness inside of her and it called out to my own like a beacon. I had witnessed a fraction of the venom she was capable of producing and it was enthralling. Exhilirating. Intoxicating.
Ella Johnson, despite her angelic appearance, was not a pure and innocent soul. And I loved her for it. Just imagining the vampire she would be sent pleasant shivers down my spine. God she'd be glorious. And quite possibly insatiable in her bloodlust.
I could imagine it so easily. All signs indicated that she deprived herself a lot of things. She wasn't allowed to indulge in much of anything. I suspected there were two possible ways that her change could go; either she'd be like Carlisle and have almost no desire for blood or she'd be a glutton for it.
If the day came that she agreed to be changed by me, I would embrace whatever way she'd turn into. Just as she accepted the darkness within me, I also fully accepted her as she was.
"Oh please. You know you're the best for me." She said shyly, looking out of the window and tugging a strand of her hair with her free hand. Her ears were burning red and I felt a wave of desire course through me.
I wanted to nibble on those tiny ears.
She had no idea just how fucking tempting she was when she blushed. I just wanted to draw her into my arms and bury myself into her. Just the thought of her writhing on top of me, under me, around me... it made my mouth water.
"Hm. But I do like to hear you say it." And that was the truth. I hadn't realized just how badly I wanted to be desired.
Maria and I had an intense sex life. She enjoyed the pleasure that I gave her and she used my desire for her as a tool to manipulate me. It was never really about her wanting me specifically, but using me to get what she wanted. Once upon a time I thought that was what intimacy was supposed to feel like. It left me feeling empty most of the time, because she couldn't give me what I needed.
I thought it would have been better with Alice. She had waltzed in my life like a miracle, a salvation from my personal hell, and claimed that she was my mate. A destined person whom I would love eternally.
But Alice was not like Maria. Her trauma, while very similar to Maria, had manifested in a completely different way.
Alice had an innate need to be perceived as a good girl. The perfect angel who did nothing wrong, thought nothing sinful and would never need to be punished. She was not a child although she had been turned young. In fact, she had been around Ella's age when she had been burned at the stake and bitten by a ravenous vampire. But the things that she had experienced as a human had stripped away the child within her from a very young age. A stolen innocence, twisted and mutated by torture and experiments.
So when she had become a vampire, she wanted to be an eternal child. A doll. Most of the time our marriage resembled just playing house. Alice didn't particularly care for sex. She occasionally wanted to sleep with 'her husband', but our intimate moments were few and far between.
When was the last time I had gotten laid? 15 years ago? Could be even longer. I did miss having sex, but it was nearly impossible to get into the mood when my partner didn't want me. Alice's lack of desire for anything more physical than a soft kiss and a good cuddle drowned my libido quite efficiently. A week ago I had been satisfied with it, but now...
I inhaled the sweet scent of Ella's arousal and felt my body come alive. Yeah, there was no going back for me. I wanted my lil' darling more than I ever thought it possible to want another person.
But it wasn't about sex. Yes, it was something that I dearly missed and lacked in my relationship with Alice, but it was the.. constant disapproval of who I was that really had left me feeling unwanted and empty. I just had ignored it for a long time until this fierce little lady next to me had told me that I deserved more.
I was never quite what Alice deemed perfect or good enough. I was forever shaped by my past and the yearning for bloodshed was a part of me. I could not change it any more than I could change any other part of my inner being. I could restrain the monster within me, but I could never be rid of it.
Alice did not like my past at all. She disliked the fact that I was a soldier. A war veteran. I had done some truly atrocious things in my long life and honestly... if I couldn't feel the pain of my victims, it's possible I wouldn't even feel all that guilty about those acts.
Killing came naturally to me. And that made me all wrong in Alice's opinion.
To be fair, she was most likely correct. It was morally wrong to kill others. I called myself a monster for a reason. I knew perfectly well that I was fucked up, a twisted creature capable of horrific cruelty. But I had thought that she was my mate and I had wished for her to accept me as I was. She never quite could do that.
Ella had been correct to say that Alice treated me like a project she could fix. I had been blinded by the promise of a guilt-free life that I had been willing to endure it all. Anything to make my mate happy.
It's funny how it had taken a mortal girl for me to realize just how fucking unhappy I had been in that relationship. Ella made me feel like I truly did deserve to be accepted. She had helped me to see that I had the right to demand more than the bare minimum.
The truth was that I wasn't happy being the Ken doll for Alice to play with. I wanted more from a relationship than just a glittering image of a perfect couple. I wanted someone who understood me, desired me, respected me.
Ella got this mischievious smile on her face and leaned closer to me. I tilted my upper body towards her a little bit to help her bridge the gap between us. Her hand pressed into my shoulder and then I could feel her pillow-soft lips touching my ear.
My body was suddenly on fire. My fingers twitched as I felt an overwhelming urge to touch her all over. But I was driving.
Naughty girl.
"Nobody compares to you. Nobody else can make me so fucking turned on like you do. Nobody can make me feel as loved as you do. You make me feel so safe and protected and so fucking happy. I love you, Major Whitlock. And you are so fucking perfect for me." She whispered into my ear, her hot breath caressing my skin.
This little tease... I growled deep within my chest, cursing the fact that we were in a moving vehicle. My girl was playing with fire and by god, I would enjoy burning her.
I grabbed the back of her head and held it firmly so she couldn't escape. I turned my head to look at her. She was so fucking cute with her face glowing in at least five different shades of red.
It was amazing how she could say such wicked things and still be so shy.
"You're going to get it later, lil' darling. I hope you realize what you've gotten yourself into."
"Kinky. I can't wait."
God I loved her.
"That's so fucking gross. Eyes on the road, Romeo. Stop ogling at my little sister."
Well, trust Brody to ruin the moment. Fucking cock blocker.
000
Brody and Faye ran inside the house as soon as I parked the car. They had taken one look at each other and it wasn't hard to deduct what they were up to as a strong wave of arousal assaulted me. Good for them.
It would have been very nice to follow their example and just drag Ella into my lair and have my wicked way with her until she couldn't think about anything else but me. There were just a couple of problems with that plan.
One, I didn't have a lair. It was one of the first things on my list that I had to figure out. Staying with the Cullens was out of the question. I couldn't disrespect my girlfriend by staying in the same house as my ex-wife. I also had no desire to be around Alice, so there was that.
And some privacy would be much needed. I was a possessive person by nature and there was no way in hell I was willing to let anyone hear the no doubt delicious sounds that my lil' darling would make in the throes of passion. Those were only for my ears. I had no intention of sharing that side of our relationship with the Cullens.
Two, I needed to have a talk with Alice before moving forward with Ella. I wanted to make sure that there was no chance of miscommunication. I was pretty sure that Alice had agreed to break up with her mysterious text message, but a direct conversation would be needed.
It would also be good for me to confront her about why I felt so unhappy in our relationship. Maybe she would finally explain why she couldn't just bring herself to truly love me.
If nothing else, I wanted to give Ella the peace of mind that I had fully separated from Alice.
I reluctantly got out of the car and made my way to Ella's side. It felt weird to leave her side after spending so much time together for the past few days. I would have much rather just.. stayed with her and forgotten all about the rest of the world, but she had plans with Angela.
I opened the door for her and pulled her straight into my arms as she stepped out. She wrapped her arms around my waist as tightly as she could and buried her face into my chest. Her heart was beating soothingly against my body and I just breathed in her scent.
I didn't think it would be this difficult to say goodbye to her. It was quite irrational. We were going to see each other tomorrow. It wasn't like we would be separated for years. But it felt hard parting from her.
What if something happened to her? She was a little bit on the clumsy side. What if she tripped in the stairs and seriously hurt herself and I wasn't there? What if someone broke into their house? What if her parents got physical with her? All sorts of horrible scenarios flashed through my mind.
I was not ready to let her out of my sight. The memory of her having a panic attack and not being able to breath was still very vivid. She was so fragile.
And I wanted to bask in her presence. I had never come across a person who felt so strongly. Ella embraced her emotions in a way that I had not seen before and the intensity of her emotions scorched me in a way that made me feel so alive. Everything about her beckoned more life into me.
I didn't know if it was something that was unique to her or if humans just felt much more than vampires. The students at school all assaulted me with their feelings at once and it took all of my concentration to blend them all together so I wouldn't experience them clearly.
Usually the only emotions I picked from humans were their paralyzing fear and the excruciating pain they felt as I sank my teeth into them and drained them of their blood. I wasn't used to sensing emotions to this degree.
And the way that Ella's behavior was in total sync with her emotions when she interacted with me... it made me feel so good. Alice always tried to hide how she really felt when she was around me. She had a need for things to be picture perfect so she didn't like negative emotions. If she was dissatisfied with something, which happened quite often, she would go through her thoughts and memories and she would pick something that made her feel something positive. Her genuine emotions and the forced emotions blended together and her entire aura would be in disharmony.
It always felt like she was lying to me when she did that. And not just with her words like so many other vampires did. She tried to fool me into thinking she was feeling something that she wasn't. That hurt me on a deeper level than just simple untrue words.
Ella didn't do that. She had been so incredibly honest with me since the beginning. The only times she had lied to me were when she was so busy trying to convince herself that she was fine. And I knew she wasn't trying to lie to me as much as she was trying to escape her painful reality and lie to herself.
I felt like she understood that need to feel something real. She had really meant it when she said that she wanted my eventual proposal to be a private affair. I could see why. The way that her family interacted together was just an act. There was nothing genuine or real about it. Nobody in that party had felt love or affection for the rest of the family. The married couples loved each other and some of the parents loved their children, but they all hated each other vehemently.
Being raised in the middle of such theater of falsehoods had surely left a mark on my sweet girl. She had wanted to base our relationship on honest truth, no matter how awkward or embarrassing, and I adored her for it.
"I'll call you tonight after Angela leaves." Ella mumbled softly into my shirt. I was filled with warmth and tightened my hold of her just a little.
"You promise?" I asked. Someone could have said I had a slight whining tone in my voice, but that couldn't be true.
Major Whitlock did not whine. That was a ridiculous thought.
...if Peter or Emmett ever found out, there would be no end to their low-class jokes.
"Yeah... We need to talk strategy about how to act in school and..."
"And?"
I saw how her ears turned red again and followed as it spread to her soft cheeks. So fucking adorable.
"...and I don't think I can fall asleep without hearing your voice anymore." She mumbled in a tiny voice.
If my heart could still beat, it would have broken through my chest.
I gently pushed her against the car and squeezed her tiny waist with one hand while the other came up to caress her rosy cheek. She bit her lip slightly and that was a step too far for me. I swooped in, pressing our lips together as gently as I could in my unbearable need to devour her. She let out a tiny squeak of surprise before her eyes fluttered close and her mouth opened to welcome me in.
I traced my tongue over her upper lip, enjoying the way she gasped, before pulling her lower lip between mine and sucking on it softly. She tasted so fucking sweet. I nibbled on her lip and as she whined needily, I pushed my tongue into her warm mouth. I let out a moan of my own at the wet heat surrounding me. Her taste was intoxicating to me. I flicked the tip of my tongue against the roof of her mouth, traced it over the soft inner walls of her cheeks and then I glided it against hers.
My body was on fire, the venom and blood in my veins was throbbing in my ears so loudly that I no longer had any idea of my surroundings. All of me was fully focused on her and that small and agile tongue of hers as it danced with mine.
I curled my tongue around hers and then I sucked it strongly. The noise she made went straight to my crotch. I pressed my pelvis against her soft belly, letting her feel just how much she affected me. Her fingers were buried in my hair and her nails scratched my scalp deliciously.
Time seemed to stop for a moment, but eventually I found the willpower to pull away from the sweet temptation that was Ella's mouth. I pressed a few soft kisses against her lips and just took in the way she gasped for air. She was fully leaning against the car and I knew her legs wouldn't carry her weight just yet. I stayed pressed against her, calming myself and supporting her as she caught her breath.
I looked down at her. Something primal stirred in me at the sight of her swollen lips, burning cheeks and glazed eyes. Words couldn't describe how fucking proud I was that I had done that. She looked so dazed and lost in pleasure because of me.
"Holy fuck that was nice..." Ella said breathlessly. I huffed a little laugh. I loved how she just blurted out whatever was on her mind. It was so charming to me.
"Only nice? You are so demanding, lil' darling." I teased her.
"Yeah okay fine, it was amazing and so fucking hot and I'm pretty sure it looks like I peed my pants."
I hummed, pleased at her words. She was being humorous, but she still meant those words. It made me feel good.
"I love you, Ella Johnson. So much." I said softly, drinking in the sight of her. She smiled happily and I could hear her heart reacting to my words. I swore to myself to never let a day go by when I didn't tell her just how much I loved her. I wanted to experience her reaction over and over again until the the day I finally died. I wanted to make sure she never had any reason to doubt my love for her. She was so precious to me and I wanted to make sure she always knew that.
"I love you too..."
Those words made me feel so good. So happy and comfortable and secure. Like I was home.
000
I adjusted myself slightly as I drove towards the Cullen house. I had forgotten just how uncomfortable it could be to have an erection while wearing jeans. I had been feeding myself better this past weekend than I had in literal decades, so it was no wonder that my cock was at full attention after kissing my extremely sexy girlfriend.
I would have liked to pull over and rub one out, but I wanted to get a good start of sorting my shit out. I needed to talk to Alice, assuming that she was at home, and after that I needed to speak with Carlisle.
I was in charge of the coven's finances. I was the one with all the contacts regarding our fake ID's and I was in charge of covering our tracks whenever we moved onto our next town. We would have to sort out a lot of practical things and decide what to do with our assets.
I had only been with his coven because of Alice. My true coven was and would always be with Peter and Charlotte. And those within our troops that had sworn loyalty to me over Maria once upon a time. Now that I was divorcing Alice, I didn't see a point in being a member of the Cullen coven.
I would still be one of them in the eyes of the public. Our current identities were good for another 3-4 years. I couldn't really mess with that all of a sudden, so I would still be called Jasper Cullen. I would still be Rosalie's twin brother and Esme would still be my aunt.
But I wouldn't be a part of Carlisle's coven anymore. I had never felt comfortable being considered one of his. I was the leader of my coven and it had always rubbed me the wrong way to submit to Carlisle. He luckily understood it and rarely tried to pull rank over me. Smart on his part. Even the Volturi knew better than start trouble with me.
Nobody wanted to try their luck with an all-out war against Major Whitlock and his Southern Army. It was really handy to have a certain reputation when dealing with my kind. It also helped immensely that I could easily back up any threat that I made. It kept other vampires on their toes.
I would be more than happy to peacefully co-exist with the Cullens. I did truly think of Rosalie as my sister and Emmett was a friend. And I didn't have anything against the rest of them either.
Well, Edward was on thin ice. The stupid, arrogant boy thought he could forever get away with sneakily reading my thoughts. It was a bit of a blow to my ego that it had taken a beautiful and feisty mortal to point it out until I realized how Edward had managed to manipulate me.
He was a good liar. He had never told me that lie himself, knowing fully well that I would see through him. It had always been the others who said that Edward couldn't control his mind reading abilities. They had seen no reason to doubt Edward's word, so they had genuinely thought it was the truth.
Well, the slippery bastard now knew better than to try and get into my head. And heaven forbid he ever violated my girlfriend like that again. Edward might have been able to read my thoughts, but I was the soldier out of the two of us. It wouldn't be too hard to confuse him and take him out.
But yes, I was going to separate myself from the Cullens. I was planning on asking Carlisle, Rosalie and Emmett if they would be cool with me staying in the 'honeymoon suite' in the woods while I still lived in Forks. Rose and Emmett hadn't really used it since the last time we lived in Forks and it was quite neglected and rundown now. I thought I could fix it up and stay there.
Forks was a small town and there weren't that many good apartments available for renting. It would raise too many questions for a teenager to buy a house or an apartment so renting would be necessary to stay under the radar. And I wouldn't live in just any old dump.
My place had to be the sort of environment that would be worthy of Ella's presence. I would not bring her into some rundown shit-hole with thin walls and messy neighbours. Hell no. She deserved much better than that and I would be damned if I ever allowed her to stay in a place that wasn't a 100% secure.
I wanted her to be comfortable at my place. Our place. So yes, I wanted privacy, security and comfort. The cottage would be a good place for the time being. As soon as I fixed it up.
I was sure that Rosalie would be more than happy to help. She was more into the mechanic side of all things, but she could never say no to a good construction project. And with Emmett helping out, I figured we'd get the house ready in less than a month, depending on how fast we would receive the materials that would be needed.
My planning came to a halt when I sensed that Alice was already waiting for me just outside of the Cullen house. I concentrated and noticed that only she was around. That was good. We wouldn't need any audience for this particular audience.
I wondered if Alice had told the others that we needed to talk or if they just had planned a hunting trip or something. Well, whatever the case was, at least my cock finally calmed down as the familiar scent of Alice drifted into my nose.
The house came to my view and there she was, standing right next to the garage door and bouncing on her feet. She was... smiling. I really shouldn't have been that surprised. Alice was always pretending that everything was fine and dandy. But it was still disappointing.
I parked the car and calmly approached her. She seemed almost giddy. I took a moment to really look at her, wanting to process all of my feelings.
There was nothing different about her. Her hair was still short and spiky and smelled of lavender. Her eyes were still just as wide and observing as they always had been. Alice always had a touch of wonder in her gaze. She saw the world in such a different way than the rest of us.
Her facial features were still the same. The same pouty lips, the same pointed chin, the same pixie-like posture. Nothing at all had changed since the last time I saw her.
But now as I looked at her, I didn't feel like she was the loveliest sight I had ever seen. Looking at her didn't fill my dead heart with love and gratefulness. She didn't seem like an angel sent to save my soul anymore.
She was just... Alice. A vampire like me. I smiled a little. How could I have ever thought I loved her?
It was so easy to see now that I had been in love with a dream that she had sold me all those years ago. Maybe I had never truly loved her as a person. I had loved an image, a promise of a perfect life. I had been blinded by the thought that she was my mate. She was someone who would love me forever. I hadn't been alone anymore and that had been enough to make me enamoured with her.
But looking at her now and thinking of what I felt the very first time I interacted with Ella... yeah, Alice was not my pre-destined great love. She was just a girl.
It felt liberating to realize that. I wasn't breaking some sacred rule of the universe by falling in love with Ella. There were no such things as mates. Or if there was, Alice was not that for me. I was free to love Ella Johnson and that felt wonderful.
"Jasper, you're finally back!" Alice shouted gleefully, her voice high pitched and so falsely hyper.
I was confused. This was not exactly the response I was expecting. Had I misunderstood something? She had said that she understood and forgave me. Considering that I hadn't done anything wrong except fall in love with someone who was not my wife, I really couldn't see what else she could have meant.
"...it's Sunday." I said. I didn't know what the hell was going on.
Alice grinned widely and clapped her hands. I felt so lost. She was acting like she normally did. Like we were still together. But we weren't... right?
"I know that silly! I just missed you. But now you're back home and everything's fine again!"
"I'm sorry... Did I misunderstand something? You sent me that text and I assumed-"
"Oh please, let us not talk about that! I totally forgive you for kissing that girl. I understand how it could have been confusing with the acting and all. But it's all over now and we can go back to being Alice and Jasper again."
Okay...
I did not expect that. Fuck. So did this mean that technically I was a cheater? A two-timer? Well, that would have to change right away. I promised Ella that she would never be the other woman and I had no intentions of breaking that particular promise.
Especially not for Alice. No, I was done with this relationship.
"I assumed that you had seen a change in my future after I realized that I had fallen in love with Ella. I have to apologize for not clearing it up right away. Alice, I want a divorce."
Alice's smile dropped for a fraction of a second and her entire mood soured, but she quickly corrected herself much to my ire. Was it so fucking difficult for her to be honest for once? I wanted to have a serious conversation with her to clear this misunderstanding and cleanly end our relationship and she still couldn't give me anything real.
"What a weird joke."
"It wasn't a joke, Alice. I want to be with Ella."
"What are you talking about? You can't want her. You're my mate."
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. I wanted us to talk like two adults but I guess that was impossible. Did she even believe this whole mate business herself? It was so hard to get a read on Alice. Did she truly believe that we were destined mates or did she just want to live in her perfect fairytale?
"I don't know what to tell you. I love Ella. I am in love with her."
Alice dropped her smile. Her eyes turned cold and she glared at me harshly. Finally, something real. A genuine reaction from her. She was seething with anger and for once, she did nothing to hide it from me.
Better late than never, I suppose. I appreciated that even though this rare moment of true honesty wasn't enough to change anything between us. I had found someone whom I loved and cherished. Someone who reciprocated those feelings.
I wondered if Angela had arrived at the Johnson residence already. I didn't like the idea of Ella being alone in that house when her parents arrived. I knew that Brody and Faye would be absolutely useless since they were too busy being wrapped up in each other.
Brody loved his sister. I had no doubt about that. I could feel his worry and his care and his love for Ella. Brody just... happened to love Faye even more. He was disgustingly in love with his fiance and had been that way for a really long time. They reminded me of Peter and Charlotte in their absolute devotion towards one another. But they were a lot less subtle about it.
This weekend had been a success, but I was still worried for Ella's safety. Marilyn had been so furious for some reason and I wouldn't put it past her to make Ella suffer for it.
Although if she tried, she'd find herself saddled with an extreme case of death. Nobody had the right to hurt my lil' darling. Not even her mother.
"You can't possibly be serious. Do you really expect me to believe that you want to abandon me, your mate, for some simpleton human girl?"
Excuse me? She did not just call my girlfriend a simpleton. How dare she?
"Don't fucking call her that. I'm giving you this one warning. You do not insult my girlfriend." I growled. My body was tense and just itching for a fight.
I was usually pretty rational, all things considered, but I had just come back from a stressful weekend surrounded by horrible filth pretending to be humans who had done nothing but hurt my girlfriend for the entire time we had been there. So I felt I was quite justified in my anger towards yet another person who thought it appropriate to insult my Ella.
She was not a simpleton. Okay, so maybe her school work needed a little help and maybe she wasn't quite caught up on world history, but she was strikingly insightful and quick-witted. She may not have been as book-smart as some others were, but she was quite bright when it came to knowing people.
"Girlfriend? Don't be so absurd. Why would you want a relationship with a vain and selfish princess like her? What would you two even talk about, school gossip?" Alice's voice was dripping with venom, her hard black eyes were narrowed into tiny slits and her fairy-like face was twisted into a gruesome sneer.
First of all, there was nothing wrong with gossiping. It was a valuable way of gathering information and information was power.
...Emmett and Brody would probably piss their pants laughing if they heard that. I did not like gossip because I was nosy. Not at all. It was simply because information gathering was important. Right. You never knew when it was useful to know that Mike Newton tried to flirt with Leah Clearwater and almost broke his nose when she punched him in the face.
"I fail to see how that's any of your concern. But for you information, Ella has quite fascinating opinions and truly brilliant insights that are very stimulating to hear."
"Oh yes, I'm sure that blow-up bimbo is just brimming with insightful opinions."
God. Had Alice always been this much of a bitch? Who was she to judge Ella for her interests? As if Alice was not addicted to shopping and didn't have a burning passion for fashion. I was sure that plenty of girls would look down on her for liking such things, so what made her think she was any better than my Ella?
Fuck that. Just because she was girly didn't mean that she was empty-headed. And even if she was, so fucking what? She had a beautiful heart that I loved dearly. That was the most important thing.
"I'm warning you, Alice. Stop insulting my girlfriend."
"She's not your girlfriend! She just lusts over you. That's not love."
The fucking nerve of this woman. How was I so blind for so long? Shame on me for not listening to Charlotte when she carefully tried to tell me she didn't think Alice was the right fit for me. I really should apologize and send her flowers or something. Ella would probably know what kind of gift would be the best. I should ask her.
"Don't speak about things that you know nothing about. I'm not doubting Ella's love for me and I sure as hell am not naive enough to mistake love and lust at this stage in my life. But you know what, it's actually really nice to have someone who does want to sleep with me."
Let's just put it all out there in the open. I had wanted to handle this cordially, but maybe this would be good for us. I would get closure and perhaps even an explanation as to why my wife didn't want to have sex with me.
Alice scoffed and rolled her eyes.
"So is that what this is about? You want to have sex? You are my husband, Jasper. Of course we can have sex more often. It's your right as my lawfully wedded husband."
"It's not just about the sex! Yes, I do want to have sex. With Ella. Not with you, Alice. Never again with you. Do you think I would enjoy sleeping with you when I can feel your disgust with me?"
That seemed to hit home for her. Alice looked at me with eyes filled with hurt. Once upon a time I would have given a damn. But not anymore. There was a lot of pent-up resentment within me and now it was finally bubbling to the surface.
"I love you, Jazz... I don't think that you're disgusting. If you're unhappy with our sex life then we can work on it." Her voice shook. If she was a human, she'd probably be crying now.
I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. The tone of her voice had changed from aggressive and angry to pleading and insecure. I should adjust my reactions to that. There was no need to continue being angry if she was not trying to fight.
"Alice, it's not just about the lack of sex. It's the way you seem to detest who I am as a person. You have never been able to accept me for who I truly am. You've been trying to change me to fit your image of a perfect man ever since we met. That's not me. My past is a part of me. I will never be the kind of man that you are trying to forge me into. And I don't want to be that person either."
I kept my voice soft and calm. Alice was shaking and hugging herself. Now more than ever she looked every bit of her death age. Like a lost and broken girl and not a century old vampire.
"But... but you want to be good, right? You don't want to be the person that Maria forced you to be. We have a happy life here, don't we? We don't have to hurt people. You just need to control yourself a little better. Then it'll all be even better."
There it was again. I wasn't trying hard enough. I wasn't in control enough. I needed to do better. Always, always had to do better. It was never enough. And I now realized that it would never be enough for her, no matter how much I would change myself.
"That's not who I am, Alice. You know that I want to drink human blood. I have told you what kind of a person I was before and after Maria. That's who I am. A part of me will always crave for human blood and I don't think it's wrong. We are vampires, Alice. We feed on humans, we hunt humans and we fight against each other. We are just humans who were given the power to be free of consequences and that sort of power naturally corrupts. I'm not a perfect doll for you to play with. I'm a vampire and a soldier." I paused for a second to see her reaction to my words before continuing.
"I've spent 60 years with you and during that time I have tried my hardest to force myself to be whatever you deemed acceptable. You saved my life. I'm not denying that. You gave me hope that I could survive without having to shoulder the paralyzing fear and agony of my victims. But Alice, it's never good enough for you. You are never satisfied with me. I'm so, so tired of not being enough. Don't I deserve to be accepted too?"
I almost flinched as Alice's aura changed in a split second. She was furious. My words had triggered something and from the waves of jealousy she was radiating, I suspected it had something to do with Ella. Again.
"And what, you think that idiot human accepts you?" She spat out. Could she just stop insulting my sweet girl? I was so fucking done with people insulting her. Ella didn't deserve any of it.
I growled in warning. One more bad word about my beloved and I would make Alice regret ever opening her mouth.
"I know she accepts me. For your information, we didn't spend four days just tangled in the sheets. We talked. A lot. Ella knows about my past."
Okay, so she didn't know everything. A weekend was not enough to tell in gruesome detail of all the bad things I had done in my long lifetime. Both as a human and as a vampire. But for the first time in my life, I wasn't afraid of revealing every part of myself to someone.
I had to keep my humanity locked away from Maria. I had to hide my violence and cruelty from Alice.
I had faith that Ella would accept all parts of me.
"Oh yeah? And did you show her what you really look like? Will she want you even after seeing that?" Alice said harshly and loudly. The woods surrounding the house echoed her words.
I...
I felt that stab deep into my soul. I had never been confident about my scars. Alice certainly had not helped with the way she'd sometimes flinch after seeing me. She had even said that she loved me regardless of my scars.
Fuck! That hurt so fucking badly.
"...You have never truly wanted me, have you? You have never desired me. Not physically at least."
"I- I didn't mean it like that! Jasper I swear that's not what I think! I love you!"
Lies. She still wouldn't grace me with the honest truth. She thought I was a disgusting monster. I had ignored her true feelings for so long. I had wanted to believe in her sugary sweet words and false smiles.
I hadn't even considered the fact that Ella had not seen my scars. When I was around her, my insecurities just faded away and I was just filled with her. Her strong desire for me gave me the same confidence I had when I was with Maria. But what if Alice was right?
Did Ella ony find me attractive because she couldn't see the disfigurations on my face? On my body? What would happen when she found out what I truly looked like? Would she give me the same look of disgust and pity as Alice so often gave me? That would break me completely.
Alice tried to reach for my hand, but I flinched and dodged her attempts. I was so done with her. I didn't want her to touch me. I just wanted to end this.
"Why do you insist on insulting my intelligence like this, Alice? I can feel what you truly think of me. I always have. You don't think I'm worthy of love and desire. You think I'm an abomination and something only a good person like yourself could love. I've never been anything other than a charity project that you've used to make you feel good about yourself."
Her lip wobbled again. It would be so easy to fall back into my old habits and just fool myself into thinking that she was distraught about the possibility of losing me. But my eyes had been opened. What Alice truly feared was the loss of a certain image.
Everyone thought that Alice was just the sweetest soul in the universe for loving a disfigured, miserable creature such as myself. At least that's what Alice wanted to believe others thought of her. That was what she was so afraid of losing.
How could she prove to others that she was a good girl if she couldn't parade her charity case of a husband around? She wanted me to be around so she could be seen as a saint.
It was never about me. Always about her.
And I was just so fucking tired of it.
"Jasper please. Don't throw our love away. Nothing good comes from being with her! She's going to lead you down the path of darkness again. You'll become a killer again if you stay with her."
The 'and that would look like I failed at something' was silent, yet hanging heavily in the air.
She did have a point. Of course she did. She must've seen a lot more of my future than she wanted to reveal. Honestly, it wasn't that big of a leap to make.
Would I be willing to kill to keep Ella safe? Without a doubt.
Would I enjoy slaughtering those who tried to harm her? Absolutely.
Would I be willing to go back to my old life of guilt and violence if Ella wanted me to? Without hesistation.
I was willing to give the world to Ella on a silver platter. If that meant I had to kill every single human on the face of this planet to achieve that, I would gladly place the burden of their pain and fear upon my shoulders.
But... would she allow me to if she knew what I really looked like? Fear clawed at my soul. Ella was so pretty and bright and everything that I was not. I was scarred and ruined. A monster.
Would she be able to love me despite of that?
"We're done, Alice."
I needed a moment alone to think.
000
I looked at the most beautiful sight I had ever seen as spring rain poured down on me. Ella was laughing, totally carefree and relaxed. It brought a small smile to my face despite the anxiety and dread I was feeling.
I looked through her window and focused solely to the sound of raindrops all around me. I didn't want to eavesdrop on her. I wasn't here to spy on her. Not at all. I needed to talk to her.
It had taken me hours to get my thoughts together. It had started raining about two hours ago and I was absolutely soaked to the bone, but I didn't care. It wasn't like the cold bothered me. Rain had a soothing effect on my sometimes chaotic mind. It centered me, forced me to focus on the now.
I had needed that after my talk with Alice.
In the end, she had spoken the truth. I had kept a monumental part of myself hidden from Ella. It wasn't intentional. I didn't have close relationships with humans on regular basis, so it hadn't even occured to me that she hadn't seen the scars. They were nearly entirely invisible to the human eye.
It would take extremely bright direct light and close examination for a human to see scars on vampire skin. So that meant Ella didn't know what I truly looked like. And she deserved to know.
I was her boyfriend. I couldn't deny her the right to know what her boyfriend actually looked like. It was possible, probable even, that she wouldn't be attracted to me if she knew. Call it shallowness or whatever.
Attraction was an important part of a romantic relationship.
I was terrified of the fact that I could lose Ella after having her in my life for such a short while. A few days was not enough time to have someone like her in your life. An eternity with her would still feel like too little time.
I could only hope that she wouldn't mind the scars. That she'd still look at me with love and adoration.
I wiped the screen of my phone and called her. I watched as she jumped a little at the sound of her ringtone and my chest felt warm when her cheeks flushed as she saw who was calling her.
God she was cute.
"Hi Jasper." She said. I watched as Angela crossed her arms and lifted one of her eyebrows in question. If Ella's descriptions of her were correct then the tall girl probably thought we were being too clingy.
"Hey... are you almost done with Angela?"
It wasn't the most eloquently put together sentence that I had ever uttered, but I was too anxious to ponder how rude that sounded. Luckily Ella must've sensed something was wrong because she didn't look angry at all. She looked rather worried.
"Yeah, we talked things through already. Now we're just hanging out. She's leaving soon. What's wrong baby?"
I liked it when she called me 'baby'. I also really liked it when she called me Major... or Jasper... or pretty much any endearment under the sun. I loved the way she sounded when she addressed me.
"I need to talk to you. Can I come over? I'm right outside your window."
Ella scrambled to the window and squinted her lovely eyes into the dark night. She didn't see me, of course. The sun had set a while back and it was raining quite heavily. I was sitting on a tree branch not too far from her window, hidden from any passer-bys.
"Give me 5 minutes. I'll say goodbye to Ang. I'll leave the window open."
My sweet girl... I sighed and watched as the two girls disappeared from Ella's bedroom. I waited until I could place their heartbeats downstairs before I quickly made my way inside. I shuddered as the scent of Ella assaulted my senses in the best possible ways.
The scent of her perfume lingered in the air, tellling me that she had probably added a spritz or two recently. The scent of her skin clung to the furniture and I breathed in deeply. It was so welcoming and alluring. She smelled like home to me.
I looked around her room. It was my first time in it. It was all very girly. All whites and pinks and purples. Her bed was a comfortable queen size and unmade. That made sense. Ella was a little on the messier side after all.
Her suitcase was pushed haphazardly to the side and there were pieces of clothes here and there on the floor, thrown over a chair and a small pile of them was sitting on top of her study desk. I smiled. I could never be this messy. The military life had made me neat and orderly.
Ella also had two large bookcases, but there were barely any books there. They were filled with binders. I remembered the notebooks she had given for me to study. She liked to take notes. I saw multiple large boxes all over the room and a quick glance told me they also were filled with binders.
I didn't have any more time to look around as the familiar and much loved steps running up the stairs reached my ears. Ella opened the door to her room and despite my insecurities and anxiety, my whole chest filled with butterflies. There she was. My lil' darling.
She looked much better than she had earlier today. Her eyes were a little swollen and red. She had obviously cried. I wished I had been there to comfort her, but she had Angela. She had needed her friend. It was like all the stress from being around her toxic family had melted away, leaving behind a glowing and content girl.
I loved her so fucking much. It would kill me if she...
But I would understand.
"You look horrible. What's wrong?" She said. I sensed her worry and determination. She was very insightful. She could easily guess who was the cause of my distress. And she was not happy at all.
"I talked with Alice... it was a rough experience."
"Okay what did that bitch say to you? I swear I'll kick her ass if she hurt you!"
Ella was beside me in an instant and took a hold of my hands. Her pretty face was frowning and entirely focused on me. I let myself bask in her love and care for a moment. If this was the last time I'd get to feel it then I wished to savour it.
"I would never let you do that. I couldn't deal with her harming you." I said softly.
It made me feel so cared for when she was so willing to throttle anyone who hurt me. But she was so soft and fragile. Alice could kill her in a heartbeat. No, I would never allow Ella to place herself in such danger.
She hugged me, pressing her warm body against my soaked clothes without a care. I could almost feel her warmth seeping into my body. I let out a shuddering sigh and tugged her even closer to me. I didn't want to lose her. I was terrified that she would not be able to love me.
But I had to let her know. I loved her too much to keep her in the dark.
"Alice... she pointed out, rather cruelly, that I haven't been completely honest with you. I want to... fix that. I'm not... Ella, I'm not who you think I am."
Ella pulled back slightly, frowning. One of her soft hands came to cup the side of my face. She guided my head so we were looking at each other eye to eye. Her pale eyes were full of concern and questions.
"What do you mean? I thought I had a pretty decent idea of who you are. Is this about your past again? Because I told you I loved you even if you were a little on the murderous side."
I laughed weakly. A little on the murderous side. Only my Ella would put it that way.
"It's not that. It's... Ella, I don't look like what you see. I'm... I have scars." It was so hard to get the words out.
She looked at me carefully, her eyes going over every inch of my exposed skin. Her fingers danced across my face, trying to see what I was talking about. They stopped at the edge of my shirt's collar, hesitant to go any further.
See, this is why I didn't like when someone called her dumb. She was so incredibly clever when it came to people. I had not exposed my skin any more than necessary during the time we had spent together. She had seen my bare arms once when I gave her my hoodie to wear. I had covered up soon after.
She had joked that she would very much like to see me naked, but she had never tried to undress me. She had figured out that I was not comfortable with it so she had not pushed despite her clear desire to feel more of me.
"I don't see any scars. Do you mean... on your body?" She asked softly, carefully. She was so open and in tune with her emotions that I wanted to just sob. She was nothing like Alice.
"I have scars all over my face and body. Vampire bites and scratches. Nearly invisible to the human eye... but other vampires can see them all very clearly. I'm... disfigured. Quite badly."
Ella's fingers twitched. I could see her mind reeling. Her brows furrowed slightly, her mouth quirked downwards and her nose scrunched up. There was some tension in her jaw from gritting her teeth. I rubbed her jawline gently, easing the tension.
"And you think that I wouldn't love you if I saw your scars?"
She didn't sound hurt or insulted. It was a genuine question, made in order to understand what I was thinking and feeling. She wasn't accusing me of doubting her love. She was addressing my fears.
God this girl was so wonderful.
"It's not that I think you're shallow or anything like that... but I don't see how anyone could be attracted to that. It's... ugly."
"What, did Alice make you think that? I will find a way to make her hurt. Jasper, I love you and I'm so fucking attracted to you. I don't see how any amount of scars will change that."
"You have no idea..."
"Well then, show me."
I looked at her confusedly. Show her how? Even if she would shine a flashlight on each and every one of my scars, she wouldn't be able to see the whole picture.
Ella bit her lip and started rummaging around her vanity. She pulled out two pencils. One red and one brown. Make up. She handed them to me and I looked at them. A lip liner and a brow pencil?
"These are easy to remove. Will you let me see your scars so I can assure you I'm absolutely crazy about you?"
If my heart still beat, my pulse would have been through the roof. She wanted to see. Right now. A part of me wanted to run away from her. I was not mentally prepared to witness her look of horror and disgust yet. I was afraid.
But Ella just looked at me with adoration in her eyes. Warm and accepting and so willing to let me make the final decision. She gave me all the control in this situation. It made me feel better. Braver.
I nodded wordlessly and listened to the rain outside. That and Ella's soft heartbeats were enough to ground me and they made me feel calmer. I could do this. I had to have faith in my girlfriend.
At the very least I trusted that she would not intentionally hurt me the way Alice had.
I pulled off my wet shirt, revealing my upper body to Ella's hungry gaze for the first time. Her arousal was immediate and it soothed me. I could feel her eyes drinking in my body and it felt like fire on my skin. It was an intoxicating feeling.
My jeans were the next ones to go. Her breathing stuttered and her pulse started racing. I started with my legs, using the two pencils to trace the old scars I had there. Ella's eyes followed every movement my hands made. My legs were the least scarred part of me. It was rare that someone had been able to bite my lower body. They were mostly scratches from when vampires had attempted to rip my legs off.
Thin brown lines started forming on the skin of my thighs. I kept my boxers on, but lowered them slightly so I could get to the scar on my hip. A little piece was actually missing there, so even humans could see the dent in my skin. I coloured it anyway, trying to replicate the scarred texture to the best of my abilites.
I methodically continued upward on my body. Ella's eyes followed me and each time another scar was coloured in, her desire only got stronger. She was practically quivering by the time I started tracing the scars on my arms.
When it was time to do my face, I turned away from Ella and looked into a mirror instead. I could see the scars criss-crossing all over my face and I dreaded to touch them with the pencils. But I would do it, for Ella.
Each and every imperfection got traced over. I wouldn't leave anything out. Memories of past battles assaulted my mind, but they didn't bother me that much. They told the story of battles won, and that had always made me feel better about them. But they were still ugly to my eyes.
Once I was done, I took a deep breath and slowly turned around. Ella's eyes never left me. She looked at me feverishly, eyes flying all over my skin. She licked her lips and my anxiety melted away.
She was not disgusted. Not at all. She still wanted me. The smell of her pheromones was heavy in the room. I wanted nothing more than to bury my nose into her skin and inhale that delicious scent.
But I wanted to give her time to process.
Ella walked up to me and then her hot fingers were touching my skin, leaving a burning trail in their wake. Fuck, I was getting so turned on.
"So tell me a story then, Major Whitlock. How did you get this scar?" She asked, practically purring. Her fingers were tracing a bite mark on my bicep.
"A training exercise. A newborn managed to deliver one hit. I ripped his lower jaw off as a thanks."
Pupils dilating, she picked another scar. This one was on my shoulder.
"And this one?"
"A territory dispute. Maria wanted to expand our area and this pesky warlord was in her way. I killed the leader after he gave me that."
Another ragged breath. A small whine from her throat. God I wanted to devour her.
"How about this one?" She asked, touching a bite mark on my collar bone. It was jagged in a way that the others weren't.
"The first bite was from Maria. She liked to mark me as her property. After that... Alice..." I couldn't find the words. What she had done had been horrible. She had gotten jealous that Maria had left marks on my body. She had bitten deep into me, without my consent, and tried to erase Maria from my body completely.
A painful breach of trust.
"Oh my fucking god. That bitch bit you? I swear I'll talk to Angela and find a way to kill her dead."
She hummed softly and then pressed a small kiss to that particular scar. I shuddered.
"So this one we don't like. Bad, bad pixie." She muttered, but still let her lips caress the scar gently.
"What, you like the other ones?" I asked, slightly amused at her reaction.
Ella grinned sheepishly and stuck her tongue out playfully. Her cheeks were red and her ears were glowing again.
"Don't you know the cliche about chicks digging scars? All of this just tells me that my boyfriend is a fucking warrior and I'm so fucking proud of you. You're alive and well so that must mean you won these battles. That's so fucking hot, Jasper."
And that was my breaking point. I pulled Ella against my body and swooped in to kiss the daylights out of her. She moaned into my mouth and let her hands travel all over my body, mapping every bump and dip. My tongue invaded her mouth and she happily let me have my way.
My hands made their way under her shirt and I groaned at the feel of her warm and supple flesh. I buried my fingers into the skin of her back and grinded my hips into her stomach.
I felt the urge to feel her warm skin against mine, so I gently lifted the hem of her shirt. She didn't even hesitate and helped me pull it over her head. I choked out a moan at the sight of her creamy skin glad only in her bra.
Ella got a wicked look in her eyes and then just like that, she unclasped her bra and pulled it away from her body. It was too much. I buried my hand into her hair and pulled her head back, my hungry lips attaching themselves to the fragrant skin of her neck. I kissed and licked her skin like a starving man. She let out cute little squeals and then her lips were kissing all over my chest.
She was soft at first, pressing her lips against all of my scars lightly. Then she licked at my skin and eventually her lips nibbled gently. One of her teeth accidentally touched my skin and I tensed.
I pulled back slightly, looking at her glazed eyes and felt a little foolish as I begged her.
"No biting. Please."
Ella gave me a delirious smile.
"Yeah sure. You can do all the biting. I don't mind it at all."
In that moment, I surrendered. I had lost. Ella Johnson had made me hers, mind body and soul. There was no part of me that wasn't hopelessly in love with her. I would do anything to have her in my life.
And it felt so wonderful to know she felt the same.
Author's Final Notes:
Yay, I'm back again. Two weeks later than what I was anticipating. See, I have this very bad habit of not saving any of my projects while I'm actively working on them. It has worked wonderfully until now. My computer crashed two weeks ago and I lost 11 pages of text. Whoopsie. It's been a mad scramble to try and rewrite this entire chapter.
I decided to switch pov's for once chapter. Here are some of Jasper's thoughts and feelings. I found it a little hard to find the right tone for him, but I'm relatively satisfied with what I came up with. And I really wanted to write the confrontation between Jasper and Alice and couldn't have written that from Ella's perspective. We'll dive right back into Ella's dirty mind in the next chapter.
I would love to stay for longer, but my brother is getting married in a few hours and I'm still in my pyjamas. I kind of need to go now.
Thanks for waiting so patiently for my lazy ass to update this story! It's reassuring that people will still come back to my story even after months of not posting anything. Anyways, I hope you all liked it!
I'll see you around, folks!
