Chapter 6: Healing Touch

Hetty settled onto the couch in Callen's room. She watched him as he stared at the wall to his left, with his head turned away from her. She sensed his irritation at being confined to the bed. There was just no convincing him that he was too weak to get up on his own. Given the chance, she feared he would try.

Anna entered the room and walked to the bedside. She was not surprised when her patient did not acknowledge her presence. She had known him for less than five hours, but it was apparent that his opposition to being cared for was not just some "tough guy" act. It was deeply rooted; maybe even a filter through which he viewed the world.

"Mr. Callen?" Anna spoke softly. "The doctor has ordered blood work. I can notify the lab, and they will send up a technician to draw blood later tonight. Or, if you'd like, I can go ahead and do it myself."

Callen let out a breath, turned his head and looked up at the nurse. The nod was gentle, barely visible. His expression did not change, but the look in his eyes told her all she needed to know.

"Alright, give me just a minute to go get what I need."

Anna returned a few minutes later, carrying a caddy with her supplies. She walked around to Callen's left side, lowered the rail, and sat the container on the bed beside him. She scanned his right arm, and then his left. There were so many bruises from the repeated attempts to start the IV. It was impossible to find a place to draw blood that was not already blue. Anna had no doubt this would be a painful procedure.

Anna looked down at her patient, sympathetically. "I'm really sorry to have to stick you when your arms are already so sore. I'll do my best to get this on the first try."

Callen's eyes followed the nurse's every move as she slipped on a pair of gloves, tied a rubber tourniquet around his upper arm, and then prepped the crook of his elbow with alcohol. When he saw she had readied the blood collection tube and needle, he closed his eyes. After a moment, he let out a shaky breath, and slowly opened his eyes. Staring straight ahead, his lips pressed together, Callen gave a single nod.

Hetty dreaded seeing Callen's wounded body receive yet another needle mark. But she couldn't help but find some comfort in the familiar way her Senior Agent had focused, readying himself for what was to follow. She stepped up to Callen's side, taking his right hand in hers, hoping that he would be able to maintain this degree of composure during the procedure.

Anna bit her lower lip and glanced over at Hetty with a look that said, 'here we go.' She turned her attention back to her patient, who was still staring at the space in front of him. With the hand not holding the needle, she gently rubbed his upper arm for a few seconds. "Okay. Close your eyes." Her voice was soft and calming. "Take a deep breath, as much air as you can take in without causing discomfort to your ribs, and then let it out slowly."

Callen swiped his bottom lip with his tongue and did as he was instructed.

"Now begin counting backwards from ninety-nine… There's going to be a stick."

Callen flinched when the needle penetrated his skin, but his eyes remained closed.

"That's it. You're doing great."

The nurse removed the tourniquet. Callen took in a quick breath and drew up his left leg, clinching his teeth against the pain.

Anna's chest ached because of the pain she was causing. But this had to be done. And, better it be done by someone he already knew and trusted. "Take in another breath of air and begin counting again. We're almost done. One more vial."

Callen licked his lips but kept his eyes closed. He took in a breath and let it out through his nose.

Anna filled the second vial and removed the needle. "Done." She applied pressure with a piece of cotton, secured it with Coban wrap, and placed her supplies and vials into the caddy. When she pulled up the side rail, she noticed that the patient was looking up at her with heavy eyelids. She gave him a warm smile. "You haven't slept much today, have you?"

Without a reply, Callen looked tiredly over at Hetty.

Still holding Callen's hand, Hetty smiled at him and shook her head. "It certainly appears that way."

Anna picked up her supplies and made her way around to the other side of the bed. "I'm going to walk this down to the lab. I'll be back in a few minutes to see if you'd like some medicine to help you sleep." The nurse deposited the needle in the sharps container and disposed of her gloves. "In the meantime…" Anna picked up the packages of crackers from the bedside table and held them up for Callen to see, returned them to the table, and left the room.

Hetty gave Callen's hand a light squeeze before letting go. She poured a fresh cup of water and held it up to his mouth, this time allowing him to take it. She couldn't help notice how much he was trembling. It was obvious that he had expended what little energy he had left on staying calm and focused while Nurse Anna drew blood. This latest "needle encounter" had wiped him out.

It took Callen several minutes to finish the water. And, when he handed Hetty the empty cup, she placed a cracker in his hand.

G eyed the cracker groggily, looked up at his boss, and shook his head.

"Mr. Callen. Two packages. That's only four saltines. That was the deal."

He frowned at the cracker he was holding, but then took a small bite. When he finally consumed the cracker, Hetty handed him another. Not having the strength to protest, he took it from her, and ate it even more slowly than the first.

Hetty gave Callen a sip of water, opened up the second package, and put one of the crackers in his hand. He looked up at her briefly but his tired eyes would not focus. He took two small bites, and Anna reentered the room just as Callen's eyes slid shut.

Anna stood next to Hetty, who was watching the sleeping patient. "Well, how'd he do?" the nurse asked, keeping her voice low.

"Two…" Hetty said softly, while retrieving the partially eaten cracker from Callen's limp hand that was now resting on his lower chest. "And a half."

"Doesn't look like I'll need to go get the pain medicine, after all."

"Unfortunately, I don't think he'll be out long. Mr. Callen typically only sleeps for a couple of hours at a time, if that long. A good night's sleep for him would be a cat-nap for most people."

"I don't understand how a person can function on so little sleep. It took me a while to adjust to working these long shifts. And that's only on the weekends. I'd be a basket case if I never got to catch up on my sleep." Anna said softly, still looking down at Callen.

Hetty pursed her lips for a moment. "Requiring such little sleep definitely has its advantages in his line of work; being able to sleep with 'one eye open' as they say. But I often worry that a lifetime of insomnia may catch up with him someday."

"A lifetime? He suffered from insomnia as a child?"

"Yes. Even as a young boy, he slept very little." Hetty tilted her head back and took in a breath. She was unable to disguise the sadness in her voice as she continued. "I'm afraid he grew up under circumstances where he did not feel safe – where places and people were constantly changing. Sleep, I believe, only brought about a sense of vulnerability for him."

Both women stood silently, lost in their own thoughts. Anna, realizing her gut feeling about this man was correct; he had overcome more than one person should have to. And Hetty, remembering the small boy; the child who, by default, became his own protector.

Anna finally managed to swallow down the lump that had formed in her throat and she looked at the tiny woman beside her. "I'm sorry," she said softly. "I hope you don't think I was prying."

Hetty's eyes met Anna's. "No apology necessary," she said, keeping her voice low. "I would not have disclosed this bit of information if I did not find you to be trustworthy." Hetty turned, once again, and looked at Callen. "He seems to trust you, too. And, as I'm sure you have guessed by now, there are very few people in whom he trusts."

"I'm glad you think I'm getting through. He doesn't seem to take too well to being taken care of."

"That, my dear, is a huge understatement," Hetty said with a soft smile. "Occasionally, I have had to resort to force to get him the proper medical attention. He avoids doctors and hospital personnel like the plague."

"That just means I need to work that much harder to gain his confidence. I believe establishing trust as a healthcare provider plays such a big role in the patient's recovery," Anna replied, still keeping her voice low.

"I could tell right away that this was your philosophy. You are an excellent nurse – gifted in the ability of building rapport with your patients."

Anna smiled. "Thank you."

"Mr. Callen is not usually receptive to human contact and you seem to calm him with a single touch."

"I had the privilege of doing one of my clinical rotations in the neonatal ICU at the Mayo Clinic. I was mentored by a nurse who had done extensive research on the need for infants to receive physical contact and I learned of the benefits of gentle, compassionate touch."

"I remember reading studies that were conducted in orphanages, sometime back – they found a high mortality rate in infants who were not held." Hetty's eyes narrowed. "I find this subject to be both fascinating and disturbing."

"I feel the same way," Anna responded softly. "Even toddlers and preschoolers, who are denied adequate nurturing, are often afraid of touch. It affects them into adulthood."

Hetty looked down at Callen and lightly grasped his right hand. "That it does."

"That is why I emphasize the need for touch to our new parents and to my coworkers in the pediatric unit. Human touch is crucial for a child's development. And I am convinced that some of these principles apply in caring for our adult patients, as well – that compassionate touch, by the healthcare provider, reduces pain and promotes healing."

Hetty let go of G's hand, lifted her gaze, and smiled at the petite nurse. "It is refreshing to see someone so passionate about what they do. And I am certainly thankful Monica requested you be assigned to this floor for the weekend." Hetty looked at her sleeping agent, shook her head slowly, and sighed. "Monica must have seen that we need all the help we can get. This one can be quite difficult at times."

Anna chuckled softly. "I sort of guessed that." Anna was sure that the bond between this patient and the woman standing next to her was stronger than just that of a working relationship.

Hetty took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and looked back at the nurse. "I know you have other patients to attend to. I hope I haven't kept you too long."

"Not at all. I enjoyed talking to you."

"The pleasure was mine." Hetty gave Callen a quick glance. "He's exhausted. Hopefully he'll be down for a couple of hours."

"Well, when he wakes up, let me know and I'll bring him something for pain."

"Certainly. And thank you for your time."

The nurse checked the IV pump settings and the tubing leading to G's hand before leaving the room.

Hetty stood at the bedside, observing the rise and fall of Callen's chest. Even while sleeping, his breaths were too quick and shallow. She noted the cuts, and scrapes, and bruises he had sustained. She reached up and cupped his jaw in her palm. Tears stung her eyes. For a moment, she saw only the small blonde boy she had vowed to protect.

When Hetty was confident that Callen was sleeping soundly, she made her way to the corner and sat down on the couch. Knowing how restless he had been the night before, she thought it best to get some rest while things were quiet.