Author's Note: Hello my lovelies! Here is the next chapter! I just wanted to thank you all so much for reading, following and reviewing this story! It truly means the world to me! I've always believed that storytelling can spread so much light, happiness and escapism in the world and it makes me so happy and utterly blessed to see others enjoying this story! I hope you enjoy it! Much Love, Lisette!
As night crept up into the sky, Flora bit her nails as a cool nervousness stuttered within her. He should have been home by now, before the sun withered away and the cool breeze flittered in the air. With a gentle sigh, she leaned forward on the wooden railing of the cabin's balcony, pressing her elbows against the rough surface as she shivered in her nightgown of pure white. It had been eight months since they had escaped, since they had found this small solace in the woods and built a cabin for two. But Flora knew in her heart that despite the time that had passed, despite the time that will pass – her mind could never heal. Looking down at her hands that seemed to now glow in the moonlight, her eyes stung at the sight of vicious scars that tainted her skin. She had worn the bracelet for too long, had her healer's blood paralyzed for too much time that even her magic could not fully restore her to what she once was.
She was thin, her spine gently poking out of her back like small waves in an unexplored ocean. Her hair was long, too long as it brushed past her waist in unruly waves. But she did not care, did not care for the scars that marred her body or the small cabin that was too cold during winter and unbearably warm in summer. The only thing she cared about, the only thing she could not forget…was the memories that flashed in sudden bursts every time she blinked. They held her mind captive, held her heart prisoner to the violence and abuse that those memories represented. And she was afraid, constantly afraid that one day, their little home, what they had built together…would be found and taken away.
That fear drowned her every time Silas was late home, consumed her until her knees shook and her body became sick with absolute fragility. It was no different this evening, this night. The dinner that she had prepared them was now cold and forgotten as she continued to bite her nails and tremble, quiver until she finally saw him emerge from the trees and stumble up the hill towards their home. An airy gasp escaped her as she pushed herself from the balcony, down the stairs and straight into his arms.
He held her gently as she kissed him, as her eyes ran over his whole body to see if he was hurt. He was too tired to kiss her, too weak to hold her properly as his hands skimmed the fabric of her nightgown. Pulling away, her hands shook as she saw how dirty he was. His face was covered in ash, and his hair, his long-tangled hair hung messily around his tan face.
"What's wrong?" He asked her, his voice hoarse as he tried to pull her towards him, to feel her softness and warmth against him. "I promised I would always come back to you." He whispered, dipped his head low to capture her quivering lips with his. He hated how rough he had become, loathed how his skin scrapped against hers as if she were butter and he a knife. But he couldn't resist touching her, holding her as she was the only thing that kept him sane, the only thing that tethered him to this world and made him want to keep fighting, keep living and running and loving.
"You're trembling still," he murmured against her lips. "I'm right here." But when she pulled away, when he saw how wet her eyes had become…he knew there was something she wasn't telling him. "What's wrong?" He asked, his voice helpless as he beheld her, as his hands bunched the fabric of her nightgown and anger flared in his eyes. If anything had hurt her, had –
"I'm pregnant." She whispered fearfully, tears spilling from her eyes as his breath caught and his heart jumped. She was afraid of how he would react, terrified of how they would protect their child, of what this meant, of what –
"That's, that's…that's wonderful." He stuttered out, stumbling as he replayed those words over and over in his mind, as he tried to block out the future, past and hold onto this moment. He knew what she was thinking, knew her fear because he felt it too, carried that same weight within him but…no, he would not let it taint this moment.
"But what are we going to do? How will we protect our child?" She asked him softly, her voice so light, so gentle and feminine and delicate. But he shook his head, smiling at her like he had not done in since forever. He pressed his hand against her cheek, wiped away her tears with his thumb and smiled. Smiled, smiled and smiled.
"Let's not think about that now, this is the best moment of our lives, the most precious one and…it's just you, me and our child. No past, no future, just now." His words coaxed a smile from Flora's lips, a smile that was true and radiant and made the hearts of men crumble to her will, just like his did every time he saw it.
"We're going to become a family." She said through her smile, through her beam and glow and radiance. "A family."
He returned her same feelings, her same overwhelming happiness as he said, "a family." And then kissed her, kissed her with a force and love that a day after working in the mines shouldn't allow. But his happiness gave him strength, gave him all he needed to lift her in his arms and lay her down on their bed and kiss her raw.
My eyes flickered open as a feeling of invasion, guilt and sadness clung to me like a second skin. I sat up in bed, drawing my knees up to my chest as my fingers shivered and my head dipped so my forehead rested against my knees – my hair pooling around me in a delicate mess. A part of me wished these dreams would stop, wished that they would allow me peace at night and privacy to my parents but…family.
Family.
I felt my eyes prickle and burn, leak as tears ran down my cheeks. Seeing their hope, their love and belief that we would have been a family…I could feel my heart crack as I let out a raw sob and my fingers clawed at my hair and scalp. I wanted them to be real, to feel their real arms around me and their voices in my ear. To have a mama and papa, to not be so alone…an orphan. I took in a shaky breath, wiping my tears away with the backs of my hand before I got to my feet and walked to the bathroom. Closing the door with a soft click, I filled the bath with cool water…sitting on the edge of it as I numbly waited for it to fill. I had this desperate need to be cleansed, to rid myself of any impurity that clung to my skin and nibbled away at it.
I felt wrong seeing what I did, invasive and guilty and…these weren't my memories to have. They shouldn't be…yet despite feeling that way, I also craved them, needed them. Because I desperately needed to know every part of their story and some part of me hoped and dreamed that maybe…just maybe…they were still alive. But if they were…then what kind of life would they have had, as a slave? A prisoner? Maybe it would be better for them to be dead. I bit my lip hard at that thought, rubbed my skin up and down with my hands as I turned the tap off, stripped off all my clothes and submerged myself into the tub of cold, yet clean and purifying water.
Walking through the school hallways, I felt different – as if something dark had touched my soul and lingered there…festering. My dreams haunted me, my healer's blood…fizzed with conflict, fear and responsibility. I felt like a shadow, a drifting wisp of smoke amongst the laughter and gossip of Fork's High School students. I hadn't spoken to Bella since yesterday, since Edward had pulled me from those attackers and victims of darkened pasts. I had gone to sleep before she returned, and left before she woke. After my bath, I couldn't go back to sleep, couldn't remain in the cool walls of our house. And so, I left, walked the halls of the hospital and allowed my magic to pulse with that need and desperation to heal. My hands had quivered, shook as I played my music to the patients. I felt as if I was failing them, but tonight…hopefully Doctor Cullen could help me, teach me despite what he was and represented.
I felt a rough shoulder slam into mine, slamming me into a locker as my hands reached out to lessen the impact. I murmured my apology, brushing my hair behind my ears in a shy gestured as I gathered myself. It was time for lunch now, the busiest time the hallways were full. I pressed my back up against the cool metal of the lockers as I waited for the business to dull. Yet as I waited, I felt fingertips brush against mine, felt that spark and coolness that froze over any fear. My lips parted with a tiny smile as I looked up to Jasper who stood next to me. To any other passerby, he looked as if he was reading over notes. But he wasn't. He tugged at my hand, pulling it behind his back as our fingers interlaced and our arms pressed up against one another.
I looked away from him, using my free hand to go through my bag as his thumb stroked the back of my hand in small soothing motions. Flicking my eyes up to his, he titled his notebook towards me, repositioning it so my eyes could see the words that lay there.
My darling Willa,
Meet me in the music room?
Yours,
Jasper
My hand squeezed his lightly, as his eyes slide to capture my nod. He did not smile as he let go of my hand, did not break his cool façade of neutrality as he walked away and towards the direction of the music room. I took a deep breath, counted to ten, and then followed him through the bustling crowd.
When I approached the music room I could feel my heart hammer against my ribcage with fiery desperation…with this overwhelming need to feel safe and forget. Seeing him leaning against one of the desks, I closed the door behind me with a soft click before I ran into his arms. Our bodies collided with a gentle softness as his fingers ran through my hair and held the back of my head and waist. I trembled against him, squeezed my eyes shut as I slowly allowed myself to realize that we were all alone, that I did not need to hold up any guards or facades. My fingers bunched the fabric of his sweater. I was afraid to let go of him, afraid that if I did I would go tumbling back into that word of shadow and darkness that seemed to drown me.
Yet he pulled away, cupping my face in his hands as I gazed into those two honey brown eyes of his. My lower lip quivered as he bent down, as he pressed his lips to mine and moved them in tender and loving motions. I felt my whole-body collapse against his, felt it melt into him as he kissed me gently. His lips were wet and moist, soft as his fingers tightened around me and pressed me against him. My hands trembled as they lay flat against his chest, as he pulled away and watched as I tried to recapture my breath.
"I had another dream." I whispered through my shaky breaths, my hands trembling as I gazed up into his eyes. I could feel my nose burn, feel my eyes glisten with tears as I struggled to keep my composure. My whole life I tended to keep my emotions contained, keep them my own locked away secret that was mine to carry and mine alone…yet as I stood here, wrapped tightly in his arms…I slowly felt myself unraveling.
"Talk to me darlin'" He whispered, his concern so evident in his eyes, so fragile as if he would break at the notion of anything hurting me. His hand hovered next to my cheek, as if he were suddenly afraid to touch me.
"I…I don't know how." I said softly, my lower lip quivering. "Is it…is it selfish of me?" I asked him.
"Is what selfish?" He asked, his eyebrows knitting together with confusion and worry.
"For me to share, for me to…to talk to you about my emotions, my feelings?" He opened his mouth to speak but I quickly continued on. "To burden you with this growing darkness that's festering inside me?" My voice was barely audible as I cried silently, as stray tears dribbled down my cheeks and leaked into my mouth.
He shook his head, beading down so he could look me in the eye. His large hands, flecked with scars and years of unwashed brutality and cosmic suffering, grasped my upper arms. I could feel his fingers tense, feel each one of them wrap around me as his grip tightened with this overwhelming sense of desperation and helplessness.
"I can feel everything that everyone in this world is experiencing, every emotion…every craving and silent desire or fear. And it kills me." He said seriously before releasing a helpless sigh. "But with you, I can't feel…" he shook his head. "I can't feel a single thing you're feeling, I can't change or manipulate your pain to make it lighter and that…that doesn't just kill me. It rips me apart." His voice cracked as he held on to me tighter, as his eyes narrowed as if he was trying to look inside me. "But from all my experience, from all my gift has taught me…I know it is so much better if you don't hold your emotions in. Don't let them fester because if you keep them secret, if you keep them hidden…they'll eat away at you until there's nothing left."
I felt my heart weaken at his words, felt my body crumble as if it wanted to be held tighter and closer to him, to feel our hearts reach out from our chests and embrace spiritually.
"I feel so lost." I whispered, my lower lip trembling. "I…I don't know how to live in this world." My voice cracked, quivered like a stray feather floating helplessly and in isolation in the wind. "I keep having these dreams of what my parents went through, I keep seeing their pain…feeling it. And it's killing me. Biting and snapping at my heart and when…when I see those children in the hospital, when I watch the news and see how people can be so cruel to other human beings and animals…everything seems so dark, and violent and I…" I looked away from his eyes, looked to the floor as if I was afraid he could see my bare trembling soul – raw as it quivered with sensitive vulnerability. "All I want, all I have ever wanted before I even knew I was a healer is to heal the world, to sooth shattered souls and make people feel that they are not alone. That they are loved and that magic truly exists. But when I take a step back," I stepped out of his arms. "When I see the scale of suffering in this world…it terrifies me. Because I don't know how to stop it, I don't know how to help people. I can't walk through a hospital without feeling like a failure because helping one person doesn't seem enough…it can't be enough it…"
"Willa," Jasper exhaled, taking a cautious step towards me as I spoke.
But I went on, continued as I looked everywhere but him. "I know my purpose is to help people, but I don't know how. I don't know how when…when…"
"Willa, stop." His voice was gentle yet sharp, like a crusted over petal that was wilting with age yet desperately trying to cling on to its qualities of enchantment.
"When there's not enough time, there's not enough time to help everyone, not enough power and I…what good am I? I have this power, this magic blood yet it's not limitless. I'm not the best student in school, I'm a dreamer and an artist but that's not enough…that's…"
"Willa." Jasper grasped my wet cheeks in his hands, held me tightly as his voice cracked through me like some spontaneous snap of lightening. His hands were firm on my cheeks, and his eyes…those honey eyes seemed to darken, harden into this impenetrable force. "You," He swallowed deeply, his mouth opening and closing as he searched for the right words. "You're…you're just one-person Willa, you're just a girl."
I shook my head, "no, I'm more then that…I'm a healer."
"You're a girl first." He told me, "one single individual amongst billons of people. It's not your responsibility to save the world."
"But it is." My voice was weak, so pathetically and embarrassingly weak.
He shook his head. "No, it's not. You may feel that way, but it's not true. You say that your purpose is to heal other's shattering hearts, and that's true. But you need to do it one at a time. You are not a failure, not even close. And you know why?"
"Why?" I asked, tears slipping down my cheeks.
"Because most people would never think what you do. They would never have the ambitions that sculpt your purpose and make your heart so darn pure." I shook my head at his words, feeling my heart crack and splinter at the overwhelming pressure and despair. Despair in not only my own abilities, but how the world was…what it could be like in the darkest of corners.
"The world is lacking love Jasper, I've seen it…I feel it." I told him, feeling his hands relax against my cheeks as he wiped away my tears.
"I know," he whispered, pressing his forehead against mine. "I feel it too, every day in those around us. The whole world hungers for it, craves it. You crave it."
"Crave love?" I whispered, looking up at him with big innocent eyes. "More than anything. I don't have a mother or father…I don't really have friends. I'm all alone. But it's that loneliness that makes me want to remove it from others. It's that pain in me that makes me want to heals others… so they don't have to feel what I have. So, they don't have to be alone."
"You're not alone, Willa." He whispered, pressing his lips against mine. "From the moment you were born, from the moment you took your first breath…you've never been alone." His words were so tender, so pure and real as his Texan accent coated and smothered every one of his words. "Because I've always been here, living, dying…I've always been here." I released a soft gasp at his words, felt my heart collapse inside me as he held most if not all my weight up in his arms.
I shook my head, licking away the tears that clung to my lips. "You're not alone either." I told him gently, our lips so close that each time I moved them, each time I spoke a word…they seemed to slip from my throat and instantly glide into his. "Never again."
And before my heart could even beat one single note, he pressed his lips against mine. He was more forceful, more desperate as he clung to me and kissed me raw. I felt his tongue lick my lips, politely seeking entry but not doing so unless I granted him permission. I helplessly opened my mouth, sighing and leaning into him as we kissed in this dance of shadow and fire.
"I've never felt so protective, over any body before." I whispered against his lips, pulling away to see his eyes. He was trembling, as if trying to restrain something inside him yet I did not know what.
"Make me a promise Willa." He whispered. "Promise me to take it one step at a time. Promise me, that saving even just one person…is enough. And that although I know you will try and save the world…. promise me," he licked his lips, taking my hand in his and pressing it to where his heart had once drummed. "Promise me that you'll protect your heart."
"I promise you." Yet I wasn't sure if I meant it.
The rest of the day had blurred by in this exotic and desperate smoke. I felt like I had been absent, like my soul had drifted out of my body and lingered nearby as my physical form attended my classes. I felt Jasper's words drum inside me, play with my veins as if I was some puppet with tangled strings. I knew what he was saying was right, I knew it yet…I still felt that overwhelming pressure and sense of failure.
I earned for him that day…desperately and helplessly and I felt ashamed. Ashamed that I felt like I needed him so much, needed to hear his voice, his words. He made me feel like I wasn't alone, because he understood. He was the only one…the only one. Every stare that he gave me, every brush of fingertips against fingertips…he made it easier. Made me forget.
After school, I went straight to the hospital – my violin case draped over my shoulder as I walked nimbly down the halls and into the children's ward. I felt heart tighten at the sight of them, felt it clench and then gasp this greyish fog within me.
"Willa!" I heard a small girl called Mia call my name. I smiled sweetly at her, approaching her bed with the upmost care as I sat down next to her.
"Hello my lovely," I told her, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead as she beamed up at me…this dainty and precious little thing. "Would you like me to play you something a little special today? Something new?" I asked her, taking out my violin as she allowed her tiny fingers to reach forward and play with the ends of my hair.
"Can you dance too?" She asked, her big brown eyes looking up at me. There was so much light, so much purity and innocence and I…I looked away, looked down at the violin that I held. I took a deep breath, a shaky breath as I tried to calm my healers blood that pushed my veins outwards. I could save her…yet now, all I had was the gift of offering escapism. Was it enough though?
"Of course," I told her, although my smile was sad, shy and guilty as I stood and placed my violin underneath my chin.
"Willa?" Mia asked, tilting her head to the side as she looked up at me with puzzlement.
I paused, "what is it my angel?" I asked gently, my eyes softening and my voice weakening.
"You're my favorite part of my day." Her words caught me off guard, made my heart pause as if it forgot how to work. She gave me the biggest smile, and I felt her soul leak into mine. I felt her hopes and dreams, felt her love and honestly and I…
"I love you, Mia." I told her, and before I allowed myself to think and slip down into that well inside me, I played her a new song I had written on the violin and danced for her.
I fell back in my chair, releasing a soft sigh as I pressed my hand against my aching forehead. I smiled softly as I felt Doctor Cullen sit next to me. He was so humble, so rare in his talent and heart as he taught me about the art of medicine. He had been teaching me for three hours. And with the darkness ruling the sky like some uncrowned King, we both knew it was time to go home and rest...despite how much I wanted to stay and continue to learn. He placed his hand against my arm, leaning over me as he examined me with a mixture of concern and pride.
"You're putting too much pressure on yourself." He spoke softly, so calmly as he held my gaze. "it's only your first lesson Willa, and you are doing marvellously."
"You really think so?" I asked, biting my lip as I looked at him with doubt.
"Absolutely."
"How do you do it?" I asked him quietly, my eyes looking down at my hands which played with the ends of my skirt. 'Why do you do it?" I flicked my eyes up to his. Yet when I looked at him, I noticed something I hadn't before…the way he looked at me, it was so tender…so fatherly and I…I looked away, waiting for his answer as I felt him shift in his seat and press his leg against mine in a timid attempt of providing comfort.
"The same reason you want to Willa, to heal a world plagued by darkness and starving for love and peace." He spoke so calmly, so truthfully that I couldn't resist not looking up in his eyes. "Willa, do you mind if I become a little forward with you?" He asked, placing a hand over mine. I felt my hand stutter under his in surprise – his fingers wrapping in-between mine as he held my gaze. I shook my head. "I can see your pain, your struggle. And I…understand." He took in a deep breath. "I never knew my mother. She died whilst giving birth to me and my father…he believed that his purpose was to rid the world of evil and sin."
"I'm sorry," I told him, moving in my seat so I could face him. "Truly from the bottom of my heart."
"I do what I do because I know it's my purpose. But that doesn't mean I haven't struggled. There was a time where I hated what I was, where I loathed myself in every sense of the word. I've repeatedly tried to kill myself."
"Doctor Cullen." My heart lurched inside me, thrashed against my ribcage as I suddenly released his hand and wrapped my arms around his neck. I felt his arms hold me, felt them press my tiny frame against his as he released a sigh that seemed as if it had been held in for a long time. I could feel his pain, feel it leak through his soul, his clothes and into me.
"I believe, Willa…that for some strange reason…that going through all that pain, it made me see." I pulled away at his words, looking into his eyes as I searched him for some answer.
"See what?" I asked softly.
"My purpose. To heal people, because I know their pain. Just as you do." He pulled away slightly, pressing a hand to my heart. "Pain and loneliness do not only make us stronger, they make us more compassionate, make our souls purer and more vulnerable to identifying what are meaning of being in this world is. Compassion cannot be born without suffering, despite how horrible that may seem. I know you are suffering, I know the conflicts, despair and overwhelming hopelessness that is festering inside you. But I also know that you," he pressed his palm to rest against my cheek, his thumb wiping away my silent tears. "I know that you will make it through this. And when you do…no matter how tortured and broken you may believe yourself to be…you'll be hero. That girl with the heart crafted from fallen stardust and angel's tears. And it doesn't matter how many people you help or heal. All that matters is that you tried and hoped and dreamed and dared. And no one can take those things away from you."
And this time, before I could take him in my arms…he held me. Pulling me towards me and held me in his arms like a father would a daughter. And I…as I closed my eyes, as he whispered in my ear…I cried. Because for the first time, I felt something close to what could be a father figure. I loved Charlie, loved him with all my heart but…he never resembled a father. Never talked to me, held me and comforted me. But Doctor Cullen, as he stroked my hair and eased my pain, as he understood…I felt something that I had been craving for since I was little. The love of a father. And suddenly, I was afraid to leave him, afraid to go home and loose this moment. But I knew in my heart that something had changed. That I had not only found someone but multiple people. I found someone who I loved, my darling Jasper…and at the same time…I felt like I had found a father figure. I just wished in my heart, that my real father, the man who waltzed and lurked in my dreams, wouldn't hold it against me.
And so as I left the hospital, as Doctor Cullen drove me home and bid me farewell…my heart felt a little lighter…a little more filled with hope, dreams and wishes. A little less broken.
As i made my way up to my room, I lightly tiptoed through the house - nimble as a nymph so I would not wake anyone. Yet when I pressed my hand against my door, when I opened it and stepped into my room. I did not except to see the sight that I did.
Because there, standing in my room...was Bella and Edward, holding hands and looking at me with nervous eyes.
"We need to talk." Bella said, and I closed the door for her speak.
Author's Note: Hi everyone! I hope you liked this chapter! It was dealing with some rather sensitive issues but I thought I wouldn't be honest to Willa if I glided over certain issues and struggles that she has. For example, the death of her parents and never really have a home will affect her deeply, just as the feeling of loneliness and new found responsibility of being a healer. She has a huge journey to go on personally and I can't wait for you all to go on it with her! I hope you are liking the fatherly relationship that is developing between her and Doctor Cullen! That one will be a big one that will develop, just as her relationship with Jasper and the other Cullens! I can't wait to see what ya'll think! Please be gentle!
The Next Chapter will be all about the truth coming out...!
I think for me, (goodness I hope I don't sound arrogant in any way because that is never my intention in any way possible!) I really admire Willa. I think we really do live in a world today that lacks love and tender care and compassion. I think it so important to spread love and honestly, to be hopeful and dream and dare to do the impossible. So in that way, I really do admire Willa and her ambition to help and heal others! So let's spread more love into this world, and remind people that they matter, that we are never alone, and that we are all loved.
Review Response
Littlecosma001: Hi you! Thank you so much for your beautiful review! I'll never be able to describe how much excitement reading your reviews gives me. You give me the motivation to continue to write and you've truly not only made me more inspired and determined, but also so much more happier! I'm so happy you liked that moment between Edward and Willa! They will have a lot more interactions, one on one too so they can really connect and understand one another! With Willa's parent's, you'll see! She is slowly getting fragments of their story so now they have escaped and just found out that Flora is pregnant with Willa! Which means something drastic is about to happen! i'll be exploring that in the next chapter! Haha yay! Fitz is here! And he's going to play a really important part! With Carlisle and Willa, they'll most definitely have a fatherly/mentor relationship! I can't wait to see what you thought of this chapter! In the next one it'll be more about the truth of everything coming out! Thank you so much for your review and I can't wait to see what you think! Much Love, Lisette
BelguimBear: Hi! Thank you so much for your review! Your enthusiasm towards this story has just made me so incredibly happy! I hope you liked this chapter and don't worry! The relationship between Doctor Cullen and Willa will be a main topic in the plot of this story! It'll be a very father daughter relationship which will be interesting and new for Willa because she hasn't ever experienced that before! I hope you liked this chapter and I can't wait to see what you think! Much Love, Lisette!
annabelcourtney: Hi! Ah your review was so sweet and adorable! I can't believe you read it all in one day! Reading that made me smile so much! I truly hope you enjoy this chapter! Thank you so much for reviewing! Much Love, Lisette!
Arkytior's Song: Hi! Thank you so much for your sweet review! I hope you like this chapter! Thank you so much! Much Love, Lisette
