Part 14
Decisions
The passing days were dull and silent. Both Levi and Fury rarely spoke to each other as they took time to grieve for both Isabel and Farlan.
Fury sunk her head into her books, doing all she could to ignore the pain. But pain always demands to be felt and sooner or later, Fury knew she would have to allow that pain to be felt if she is to accept this reality, and be able to keep going.
As for Levi, though he did his best to hide things himself, he had turned to alcohol to dull his grief.
His guilt was effecting him more so, believing his friend's deaths could've been avoided. And in a way, he also held Fury to blame, though his mind wasn't exactly clear on where he pointed his accusations at. Fury's apologetic words were repeated in his mind. Levi was somewhat convinced that Fury knew of the fate both Isabel and Farlan shared.
However, their guilt had to be put on hold today as arrangements had been made for them to say goodbye to the friends they let down by giving them a burial. Most Scouts would have their bodies burnt upon a pyre, but Levi insisted his friends be given better. He wanted to give them something physical for people to remember them. So that their souls will become immortalised. Just as Fury once thought. A soul cannot die if there is something for a person to be remembered by, even if no one truly knew them.
Was this why graves really existed? Fury came to her own conclusion. Funerals were never for the dead. They were there for the living to be able to grieve.
The male pulled himself together, though he had remained in his uniform. Fury, once again, pulled up her facade of not caring and did her best to pull herself together. But who was she kidding? It wasn't about her and how she came across. Today was about saying farewell to her family.
They never judged her, never questioned her stupid habits. She hoped to whatever God may exist that her friends knew she cared for them.
Levi now stood before the gravestones of Isabel and Farlan, who had been put to rest next to each other so that they could remain close wherever their souls have departed to. Levi appeared grim, lost almost, as Fury stood near him. The two not once exchanging words as they watched their friends be covered in dry dirt.
She knew Levi had been hit hard, and she was aware his way of now lashing out was with drinking.
"I'll leave you two in peace." Spoke a gentle man who had conducted the funeral and he departed from the scene.
The world around them both was still silent and dull.
Fury took a knee in front of the gravestones and placed a small bird's feather upon Isabel's mound, hoping that her soul can still fly free like she always wanted when she was here with them.
Levi almost glared at Fury for doing this. "You think a feather is gonna let them be at peace?" He snarled at her, clenching his fist as she looked up to him. Her face distant but yet it bared emotion.
"How about you don't cause a fuss, Levi." She scolded in disdain. "Not today of all days…"
"What were you sorry about? Tell me!" He demanded and he was desperate for an answer.
"I told you!" She snapped back. "I was sorry for not being there to stop their deaths from happening!"
"Did you know?!" Levi continued to question, though it was more of an interrogation. "I swear, if you knew they were going to die, you'll be the next to join them!"
"What is wrong with you? You honestly think I can somehow foresee the future?!" Fury rolled her eyes in disgust. "Go back to your drinking, it's clearly more important than you, no, US, saying goodbye to our friends…"
Levi looked away. And though he did not say it, he was sorry. No, this wasn't him, it was far from who Levi was. But if he couldn't drink, people would be getting hurt by him and he feared Fury may have been one of them. "Did we let them down?" He muttered, revealing his guilt. "Did they die believing we didn't give a shit about them?"
Fury widened her eyes slightly. He felt the same way as she did, clearly. However, the woman shook her head. "No, they knew you cared. That… we cared. They didn't die thinking that we didn't… I don't want to believe that."
"I can't sleep…" Levi then revealed. He was clearly begging for someone to listen to him. "I get an hour at the most. I see their faces, their panic as that Titan tore them apart. I see them wondering where I was why, why wasn't I there to prevent it?"
"You… need to stop thinking like that." Fury muttered, sighing quietly as she hadn't a clue what to say to her grieving friend.
"Don't tell me you don't see their faces too? Their fear…"
"Levi, stop…" Fury then begged.
"Their screams… Their deafening cries for help as the damn Titan grabbed a hold of them!" Levi tightly closed his eyes, holding back his tears, but his words were distressing to hear for Fury. "If I hadn't left them behind, they'd of been with me! If you weren't with Erwin, we'd of been together like we were supposed to be for this fucking job! Oh, and clearly that's gone to shit now that Lobov is behind bars! That fuck, he dragged us into this, he's the one that needs to be-!"
His words were soon swiftly cut off as Fury lashed her hand across his face. It was silent for a moment again, the dullness never leaving. "Don't you dare let that be how you remember them!" Fury roared in anger towards Levi, but she was in complete understanding. She was now letting her pain be felt. "We remember the good days with them! And if we have to carry their hopes and dreams on our shoulders for as long as we may live, then so be it! It's the least they deserve. Death is swift. It's permanent! But burdens can carry on for generations. If that's what it takes to atone for our negligence, so be it!" She lowered her hands and fell back down onto her knees, wrapping her arms around herself. Why did it feel good to express how she was truly feeling? Was all of this coming out because she had held her problems inside of her for so long? And though Levi had not looked at her since she slapped him, he was listening deeply. "Today isn't about how shitty we feel for being crap friends. It's about giving them a goodbye that's worthy of the trust they had in us. They were family to me, you included. Yeah, they could be highly annoying, but that's what made them who they were."
Levi slowly took a knee next to Fury. "You're right." He admitted, clearing his throat. "For those reasons, I've made my decision. I know how I'll now live my life." Levi then revealed. "I'm staying with the Scouts. We set out to kill Erwin, but the man has earned my respect for how he handled things out on the expedition."
Not knowing what to say, Fury remained silent. If Levi was staying with the Scouts, that meant she'd have to return to the Underground on her own. Did she want this? Why the hell would she give her skills to the people who caused her to lose Isabel and Farlan?
"I'm asking you do the same…" Levi then went on, causing Fury to look at him. "But it's your decision. Do you really want to go back to the way of life we currently had? Or do you want fight? We fight in memory of our friends. Every Titan I come to kill is another step to a chainless future for humanity."
"It's what they wanted…" Fury remembered. "They wanted to be free, but they wanted to fight for what was right. We all knew the danger of the expedition, yet even when you offered to go alone, we all decided to come with you…"
"It's your decision." Levi then stood up. It may be a long while before he can return here but his mind was made. "I can't force you to stay with the Scouts. Nor can I ask that you follow me so blindly as you did before. I'm not a leader. Just know… that… all three of you will be in my memory."
The decision Fury was left with suddenly became easier to make. She didn't even need to question it. But before she revealed her choice, Levi had one final thing to say as he dumped the half empty alcohol bottle into a nearby trash bin.
"You're not just an average person, Fury. Not after what I've seen and heard." Fury raised her eyebrow. "The way you act moments before something bad happens, the way you lashed out when me and those two were caught down in the Underground. It's not the actions of someone who is normal. And your apology when we were out on the expedition. You muttered the same words twice and one of those times were before Isabel and Farlan lost their lives.
No, I don't believe you can see the future. That shit is a load of crap to me. However, I believe you felt something, an inkling of sort that caused you to apologise in the tone that you did. I've never known everything about you. We never knew how you gained the skills you have, as familiar as they appear to me. But no matter what decision you're about to make, I'm going to find out more about you… I'll make sure I don't lose the only friend I have left."
As Levi walked off, leaving Fury too stunned to say much back as worry as well as questions now surrounded her, she did manage to bring herself to say one final thing to him. "I'm with you!" She called out, revealing to Levi she too would be remaining alongside the Scouts.
Fury looked down at both of her hands. No, she couldn't see no future, but Levi was right one thing; she did feel a terrible sense of loss when out on the expedition which caused her to apologise to Isabel and Farlan the last time she saw them, though even then, the two never even knew it was directed at them because Fury herself didn't know who she was saying it to.
But here she was, on the surface. Not in the position she wanted to be in, but on the surface none the less. She too, always felt she was different and up here, maybe now she can look into these symptoms she has, hoping there are others like her. But at the same time, she had also decided to carry on living for Isabel and Farlan, keeping their dreams and ideals alive.
"Be at peace, you two."
