The chapter contains references to the characters' deaths and describes drowning.

I got carried away with surfing references in this chapter, so a couple of hints.

-Mr. Zog's Surf Sex Wax is one of the most famous surf waxes that exist.

-Jack London learned surfing in 1907, published a couple of articles, e.g., "Learning Hawaiian Surfing," and is considered the one who brought surfing to California.

-A Memorial Paddle Out is a Hawaiian surfing tradition but is practiced by all surfing communities worldwide.

-'Lilo & Stitch' Disney cartoon is considered a surfing classic.

For non fandom readers: Jean is apparently interested in drawing (a certain girl) in OVA 2 (A Sudden Visitor: A Torturous Curse of Adolescence). I think it was a pity it's not developed later so here we go.

Additionally, as FF has limited options to tag fics and relationships: the story revolves around the triangle between Levi, Historia (aged), and Erwin, which will turn into a polyamorous relationship. The second main relationship of the fic is Armin and Eren, and certain teen sex-related issues will be discussed.

Chapter 11

A small lump of a white, sticky surf wax landed in front of Eren, and another one followed immediately. He reached out for a fresh bar and unwrapped it, breaking it into smaller pieces, then he continued throwing it into the sand. Once he was done with the wax, he balled the thin foil of the wrapping in his fist but hesitated just before sending it in the same direction. An automatic scold in Levi's voice resounded in his head. Don't trash the beach, always collect yours, and the others litter. Take some of the beach junk to the dumpster after every session. Shit.

Eren jumped to his feet and leaned down to collect the wax he threw before. He straightened the foil of the packaging with a sigh and wrapped broken pieces carefully again. The purple label on the packaging read "Sex Wax Quick Humps", and a sudden flash of warmth spread over his chest. Then he frowned. Why someone would call a surfing wax a SEX wax?

Yeah… sex. That became a big topic lately. Well, maybe not lately; he had already done 'things' with Mikasa a couple of months ago, but it hadn't felt so intense, so nagging, and above all, it hadn't felt right with her. He'd felt bad after they had broken up, she'd been like a big protective sister to him for a big part of his life, but it hadn't been fair and it wouldn't be to drag her along any more. Eren still didn't want her to go out with Jean, though. Why did he feel suddenly jealous and angry thinking about the possibility of Mikasa dating Jean?

His hand reached for wax pieces again, but he stopped before the temptation to throw things took hold of him. He pulled out the hood over his head. It was a bit too warm, but he could handle it.

Out there in the ocean, Armin was waiting for breaking waves, sporting his new Rip Curl branded wetsuit, purchased specially for the upcoming competition. Royal navy blue brought out his eyes and highlighted the blond of his hair. Eren wished he'd been sitting next to Armin in the lineup to admire it up close. Fucking fight with Jean. Before he'd cut his head, he and Armin had been regularly paddling out for the afternoon sessions together and Eren missed this routine like hell. Now all he could do was cheer Armin from the beach. That sucked big time.

A clean set came in, and Armin turned on his board, following the first wave. Eh dude, not this one. Let the first one go, do you ever listen? Eren huffed under his nose, watching intently. Armin paddled out and caught a wave, carving up its face. Not bad, considering it was a shitty one.

But it was obvious—Armin was a talented dude—whatever he'd touched, he'd excelled at, not like Eren himself. Armin was perfect. His mind wandered to Armin's face, his big eyes, his cute, tiny nose, and soft cheeks ruddy from the exposure to the sun. All he'd wanted was to run his palm over them, kiss Armin forehead, and his nose, and his face. And of course, his mouth. Things he'd noticed lately about Armin. He had thought about kissing and touching his friend, wild things he'd imagined. His body had been going all haywire in Armin's presence, and the worse, the hard-ons. The hard-ons crawling on him in the least opportune moments, like now, when he was stuck on the beach instead of next to Armin in the ocean. Or better so. Being close was impossibly hard sometimes.

Armin paddled out again and dropped onto a steep wave, slicing up its face and ending the ride with a strong bottom turn. Eren and a couple of other beach goers hooted him from the shore. Armin got back into the lineup and waved, and Eren would have sworn he was smiling and waving directly at him. He smirked under his nose and waved back.

Eren closed his eyes for a moment, and took a deep breath, letting the sharp salty air fill in his lungs, and the warmth of the afternoon sun skimmed over his nose. He listened to the ocean pumping; the swell had to get bigger now, and he tried to imagine every wave based on the sound it had made crushing. Envisioning of the waves helped to take his mind off Armin, so he kept going. Perfect corduroy of swell coming in flashed in his mind, the gentle fizz of the foam blown from the white crests by the breeze.

Cool droplets of water landed on his forehead all of the sudden and a shiver run along his spine.

"Hey, dude," Armin's voice cut through the rumbling of the waves.

Eren opened his eyes. Armin was kneeling in front of him. He shook his hair out again, like a dog shaking after a bath. Like a damn cute wet Golden Retriever. Salty drops hit Eren's skin again, and he laughed at his own thought as he shifted. The book he'd kept on his lap, which he hadn't opened the entire time, slid into the sand. Jack London's Call of the Wild. Eren grabbed it fast, but Armin caught the sight of it and frowned.

"Dude. 'This' is what you have chosen from our summer reading list?"

"What?! It was legit on the list. Not all of us want to go, like you, for… "The Grapes of Wrath", or I don't know, "Siddhartha". Who was this dude anyway?" Eren asked with a sigh, catching Armin's eyes.

Armin snorted, but winked at Eren immediately.

"You should read that to find out."

"Right, no. I am good with good ol' Jack. You know he was like the father of surfing, right? Back off from my reading choices, smartass".

"True. If it weren't for him, there wouldn't be any surfing in California… or anywhere for that matter."

Armin laughed loudly, his blue eyes creased softly before wild wet spikes of his blond hair fell over his forehead and covered half of his face. Eren's breath caught in his throat.

"Dude, I am not telling you what to read, but you easily could read more serious books. Anyway, I'm done for today and going back home, you coming?"

"I haven't done much reading yet. I will hang out here longer. See you later," Eren said and let out a gasp.

"See you later, bro." Armin squeezed his shoulder with a wet palm, rose to his feet and headed towards the condominiums. Eren looked after him over his shoulder. Once Armin's silhouette disappeared on the beach stairwell, Eren threw himself backwards into the sand with a growl of despair escaping his mouth.


"Let's hit the water." Levi's voice snapped Jean out of his thoughts. They grabbed the boards, the leis and trotted together from the parking lot, across the sand, to the water's edge. There weren't many surfers out there anymore, as the sun was setting down, and it got colder. Jean put the lei he was holding around his neck and threw himself over his board. Levi stayed behind, letting him lead as they paddled out to the lineup, past the breaking waves.

Jean used all his weight and pushed the board down over the whitewater, paddling hard. His arms worked the steady rhythm, and his mind wandered again to the moment he'd mustered his courage to ask Levi to do the paddle out. It'd been a long time since he'd been thinking about it.

The first official Memorial Paddle Out after Marco'd drowned six months ago had left him only with blurry memories—flashes, almost—of all the local surfers sitting on their boards in the water, in a big circle. Maybe there had been even some of Marco's family in the canoes, but he hadn't been sure about it anymore. He'd barely remembered singing songs and throwing flowers. Had they scattered Marco's ashes into the ocean? He wasn't sure about that either, but just in case, he let his palm float for a second over the surface, spreading his fingers, letting the water pass through them.

A wave broke in front of him and he pushed the nose of his board into a duck dive to get under it. The cold water washed over him, and he appreciated the calm of the deep of the ocean beneath the turbulence of the breaking wave, waiting for the sunlight to appear again. Once it did, he paddled towards it, rising above the surface. Levi paddled to his side. They moved at a fast pace to get through another set of waves.

Soon they reached the takeoff zone, and with a couple strokes they got passed it to the calm area where swell was gentle, lifting the surface. Both of them straddled their boards, watching the horizon and sets of waves forming ahead of them. A slight mist clung in the air, glistening in the brass-gold of the setting sun.

A shiver ran through Jean's body and he closed his eyes, imagining Marco's presence in the lineup, sitting like they'd used to, Marco's kind eyes and freckled cheeks next to him. Grief tightened a grip around his throat; at the same time, it felt good to be on the board again, in their usual spot. They sat in silence, treading water, arm in arm, catching the sun falling lower and lower, and Jean fixed his gaze at the rolled up lei on Levi's rocker, rising and falling with the movement of the water.

"Levi?"

"I am here, whatever you need, kid." Levi's voice was calm and soothing.

"So, what should we do now?"

"Anything you want to do, Jean. You decide the rules. Whatever you need to do to let Marco go," Levi said, "we'll sit here until you're ready."

"We will freeze eventually," Jean's snorted.

"That's one hell of the motivation for you, then."

Jean couldn't help but let out a small laugh. You could always count on Levi to get a perspective on things. They exchanged a quick look and Levi nodded almost imperceptibly, and something inside Jean broke as he spoke, his voice trembling.

"I just can't stop thinking about how it all happened. So fast. Offshore picking up and I still see the waves coming in so fast, the swell suddenly turn so big, like… like, triple over-head with steep faces, breaking like crazy." Jean paused, taking a deep breath, the images flashing in front of his eyes like it'd been yesterday. "And then, this damn undertow, we got caught in it, taking us under and into the whirlpool, waves pounding and I couldn't get through the surface. It was the worse thing that I have ever lived through… And then I lost hold of Marco."

He stopped talking again. He didn't realize it at first, but there were tears rolling down his face. Swallowing hard, he wiped out his nose, but the tears were still coming.

"I still picture him, helpless in the ocean, drowning. His lost surfboard—" A sob ripped out from his throat, "and I have never seen him again."

Jean was weeping now.

"I just… I just miss him, I miss talking to him, like crazy. He was my best friend."

"I know, kid."

A swell lifted their boards and Levi pulled Jean into his embrace, holding him tight and allowing him to cry. Jean hadn't realized how much tension he'd been keeping inside, letting it all out into Levi's tight hug.

He didn't know how much time they spent like this, but he ran out of tears finally. He pulled out with a sigh. Levi shot him a quick stare.

"But if you want to leave, you can. I'll remember you though. I remember everyone that leaves," he said.

Jean froze.

"Have you… have you just quoted 'Lilo and Stitch' to me?" Realization downed on him. "Have you memorized the line from our favorite childhood movie for the memorial?"

Levi grinned.

"You were eleven or twelve maybe, and you both were obsessed with that story. And especially with Stitch. I will never understand what both of you have seen in this blue animal, but you were totally stoked with it. No other kid was so into it, just the two of you."

"Stitch is not an animal, he's an extraterrestrial being. And it's a very important cartoon for kids like us. You know… 'Ohana' means 'family'. 'Family means'—"

"'No one gets left behind.'" Levi finished the quote for him, and Jean let out a weak laugh.

"Seriously? Do you know all quotes from this cartoon?" He cast Levi a surprise look.

"Just the important ones." Levi's voice dropped low. "I also have something for you in the car. It doesn't play well with water so we will have to get out of here… if you are ready."

Levi's palm grabbed the lei, rested peacefully at the rocker of his board. Jean nodded and reached for his own, wrapped around his neck. They set the flowers floating at the water, watching the waves carrying them away.

"I'll remember you, though. I remember everyone that leaves." Jean whispered, and Levi squeezed his elbow gently.


They walked out of the water in silence, catching the last rays of the sun to warm up. Once they reached the Explorer, Levi threw a hooded towel at Jean.

"Get warm, kiddo, we have frozen our asses out there."

"Thanks."

Levi fixed the boards on the roof rack, then changed himself. Jean was still sitting in the open hatch, covered tightly with the towel, when Levi dropped close to him.

"Here," he said, passing a framed picture, face down to Jean, "it's the surprise I was talking about."

Jean turned the picture up to see his own childhood drawing, done with a blue crayon, of Marco and himself holding hands with Stitch.

"You kept that?" His eyebrows lifted to the line of his hair.

"Sure. You have no idea how many of your lot childhood art we keep." Levi snorted. "It deserves its own gallery at this point."

"Thanks." Jean fiddled with the frame.

"You were pretty good, by the way. It's a pity I haven't seen you drawing recently."

"I somehow couldn't draw anything since the accident, you know?"

"You could talk to Historia and she could help you get back to it."

Jean nodded.

"Levi?" he asked, his voice so low it was barely audible. "Your friend, Furlan, I know he died, he drowned too, right?"

Levi hesitated. Their private ceremony got him in the mood, too. He couldn't help but keep seeing the flashbacks of Furlan through the whole thing. He felt the urge to talk about what happened. The pent up grief resurfaced, he'd wanted it or not.

"Yes, he drowned too," Levi said, "but let's go home and warm you up with some nice tea."


Jean was sitting at the kitchen table, his shoulders covered with a warm blanket, his hands still clutching to the framed picture. At the kitchen counter Levi added some hot water to a tea kettle to pre-warm it, then dumped the water into the sink. He filled the infuser with loose tea leaves and poured hot water into the kettle again.

"Now let's give it a moment," he said, casting a long look at the kid at the table. "And Furlan, yes he drowned, but there was more to it, I believe."

"More to it?" Jean lifted his head with interest.

"Yes," Levi said, pouring steaming tea into two cups, passing one towards Jean. Then he leaned over the counter. "It got confirmed he was on drugs."

Jean lifted one eyebrow, and asked, "can you pass me the sugar?"

"Wait, kid, why don't you try it without sugar first?"

Jean's eyes went wide, and Levi almost choked, trying to hold back a laughter elicited by this terrified expression.

"Just try it, it's not a poison."

Jean took a sip carefully. Levi watched him swallow, curious of the reaction.

"And?"

"It can do. Drugs?" Jean took another sip of his tea. No sugar added.

Levi smirked and was just about to answer when Eren strolled into the kitchen.

"Hi, guys," he said, "sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to say… I have seen you out there, doing the paddle out, and," he paused, eyeing Jean, "I wanted to say I am sorry. I mean it, dude. If I could… I would have joined you."

Jean glared at him but nodded.

"Sure, thanks."

"Want some tea Eren?"

"Nah, I am good." Eren slid into a chair in front of Jean, and pointed his chin towards the framed drawing of Marco, Jean and Stitch. "That's neat."

They exchanged glances, wary.

"I mean it Jean, no shit," Eren said.

"Thanks, Eren."

"It's really good, Jean. I wish you'd be drawing or painting more, like you used to." Historia's voice cut in as she entered the kitchen, walked past Jean, planted a kiss on the top of his head and joined Levi at the counter.

"Want some tea?" He asked, his voice low and soft.

"Yeah," she said, taking his own cup out of his palm and helping herself to a sip. She placed the cup back in between his fingers with a wink. "Thank you."

Levi sighed.

"So what about your friend, Furlan?" Jean brought back the conversation. Historia's eyebrows lifted slightly when she looked at Levi, a question lingering in her eyes.

"Jean asked how Furlan died," he said, "you know what Jean, why don't we make a quick trip to the beach where it happened. We could pay him an honor like we did today, too. You in?"

"I'm in," said Jean with a small smile dancing around his lips.

"Can I tag along with you?" Eren asked.

The four of them exchanged glances. When Levi met surprised Historia's eyes, he squinted, and she blinked. The kids could get along finally.