After the car hit a bump on the road for the third time, Jungkook woke up.

He'd felt the other two somewhere on the back of his head, like distant sounds trying to reach the surface. But the images whirling behind his eyelids had him in too deep, drowned in the typical nightmare: a young Jungkook chasing down the silhouette of a woman he was sure belonged to his mom. It did not look like her, but it felt too much like her.

His father would always appear from somewhere, ready to snatch Jungkook away. Not letting him get closer. Silent screams would leave Jungkook's chest, trying to be heard across the gap between him and his mother, failing every time. Not able to reach her always fucked up with his head after waking up.

Sometimes he would open up his eyes with his neck damp and face streaked with tears. Sometimes he would stay fast asleep, the darkness swallowing him whole.

Jungkook was relieved that the outside noises helped him get back to reality before reaching the ugly part this time. And although the feeling of nothingness lingered, he could breathe again.

It was always hard to get vulnerable like this, to let go of his mother after dreaming about her, feeling the real world slipping in while something tugged at his heart. The nightmares were always creepy, making him feel small and useless. But waking up without her was even worse.

He remembered how it was like to live with the certainty that she would be there. At home. In her bedroom. Or with Taehyung's grandmother, drinking tea. Jungkook knew that well. The feeling of being sure that the most important person was real and alive and available. He deeply missed it, always feeling bad for not treasuring it enough. He spent his childhood being a lucky kid without even knowing.

Now his mother was nowhere to be seen, her face missing in his dreams and even in family pictures that Jungkook could have at least treasured.

His father had gotten rid of all evidence of her existence the moment she left. Jungkook received nothing from her. Probably parents didn't even do that. All the bridges between them burned down, and a fuzzy layer covered everything else, one that made Jungkook wondered if it was all part of reality or maybe just a figment of his imagination. Of that desperate wanting.

He hadn't been young enough to forget it all, but the effects of eight years without his mother tricked him. And she was still out there. Somewhere, living her life. The possibilities were endless.

It was hard for Jungkook to make peace with it.

Letting the memories dance around his head, Jungkook dragged his eyes open and looked out the window. The yellow tint of the street lights against the darkness surrounding the car forced him to blink more than once, making his left eyebrow hurt.

He sucked in a shaky breath, holding the air in his lungs as remnants of his nightmare crawled under his skin. A strong, fruity smell filled him. No idea where it came from.

"Hey." Taehyung's voice cut over the roar of the car and over a low song coming from the radio Jungkook didn't even know was still working. "What were you dreaming about?"

A spasm of shame gripped Jungkook as the question set in. "Why? Did I say something?"

It was always him talking in his sleep, sometimes moving or even getting out of bed without waking until he was back in the safety of his sheets. His body loved to do that, betraying him, especially in the presence of others. Taehyung was aware of this, thanks to the many nights Jungkook slept in his room and woke up to him, scared. It was embarrassing to realize that they were older now and Jungkook still did it. He just wished he knew how to turn that annoying switch off.

"Just sounds." Taehyung shrugged one shoulder. "Like you were choking."

"Shit," Jungkook whispered, drowsy. Taehyung's deep voice wasn't helping.

His eyes drifted shut for a moment before he let them take in the image of Taehyung. He was no longer wearing his jacket, but still had his cap over his hair.

Jungkook realized it was the first time seeing Taehyung behind the wheel. It felt so strange how instantly Taehyung gained five years of life just by doing something completely normal by now. He sort of looked like an adult, an image Jungkook was sure would be hard to forget.

They used to talk about this. How much they wanted to learn so they could get their license. Taehyung's wish was to take Jungkook to the beach, more precisely to Hamdeok. Ever since Jungkook's father invited Taehyung to one of their family trips, he got obsessed with the idea.

One day, they were both watching TV in Jungkook's living room when a Jeju special came in. The island with the cleanest air, the lady on the black cube had said. Many ways to get there, like a car ferry that caught Taehyung's attention. It made the trip a thing, even if it was expensive or if they were too young to be thinking about leaving the city without supervision.

It only took seconds for Taehyung to become stubborn with the idea, trying to convince Jungkook to go together, promising him a whole day under the sun with his feet over the sand. Jungkook tried not to show how interested he was, even though he only craved wild waters, the ones that could drown him in an instant. (Not that he wanted to drown. He just wanted the possibility of it.) But imagining a whole day alone with Taehyung at the beach made his heart warm. He only lasted one day putting up a front, until Taehyung laid on top of him, tickling his ribs without mercy. After a few curses and weak knees, Jungkook agreed to go.

That trip never took place, though, and today's Jungkook wasn't disappointed thinking it never will.

Years later, he got his driver's license and never told Taehyung about it. He was not surprised that Taehyung hadn't told him about his own, either. Why would he?

And it was not like Jungkook cared. That entire line of thought was unnecessary, anyway. Taehyung could drive now. He could go wherever the hell he wan—

Wait.

He couldn't.

"Fuck." Jungkook remembered Seojoon's words about Taehyung's driving. His throat became dry, hardly able to make a sound. Still, he warned, "Taehyung, stop," and moved his body forward, his ribs protesting at the pressure.

"What happened?" Taehyung was visibly shaken after being scared by Jungkook's sharp voice. "Are you okay?"

The strap was tight against Jungkook like it was stuck. He tried to loosen it before speaking again, feeling out of his trance, gritting his teeth and almost ripping his ribs off.

"No, I— just stop driving."

"Do you want to pee or something?"

Jungkook growled and pulled the band away from his body with force, a rush of frustration taking over him.

"What are you doing?"

Taehyung's hold was firm when he tried to calm Jungkook down with a hand and control the car with the other one.

But Jungkook wasn't having it. He fought for the belt while his arm rubbed against Taehyung's, groaning until he knocked Taehyung's hand away, ran his palm over his hair, and snapped, "You don't know how to drive!"

"What the hell do you mean?" Taehyung had confusion written in his eyes, expression morphed in surprise, probably not understanding where Jungkook's irritation was coming from. "I know how."

"That's not what Seojoon said." Jungkook's face was crimson red and his jaw was tight. He stretched out his arm to grab the wheel, but Taehyung stopped him.

"Chill out!"

Jungkook ignored Taehyung. He wanted to be the one driving, because all he could think about was the idea of a cop catching them, and Jungkook wouldn't be able to afford a ticket in that situation. And he definitely could not afford to return to Gwangju after what happened with his dad.

What would the man even say to him?

Every new thought that appeared in Jungkook's brain made room for new ones that piled up. He got so caught up in made-up outlines as fear sneaked in his lungs, that he didn't even notice when Taehyung held his arm in the air, stretched his other arm between them, and quickly put a finger on Jungkook's left brow. The swollen one. Not too hard to make it bleed, but enough to make Jungkook back up.

"You made me do it!" Taehyung immediately retrieved his hand.

A loud hiss escaped Jungkook's lips. "Why did you?"

His voice came out high-pitched as he focused on covering his eye with a hand, afraid to touch it. He looked at himself in the side mirror and realized how bad his brow seemed. A purple shade colored the skin, probably getting worse by the minute.

Taehyung groaned, his temper visibly rising. "I had no choice." He put the seat belt over Jungkook's body and locked it before grabbing the steering wheel with both hands. "You were trying to get us killed."

"Me?" Jungkook snorted. He didn't feel like measuring his tone, not after what Taehyung did. Not after realizing this night was getting even worse. "You're the one still driving after Seojoon hyung said you don't know how."

With no warning, Taehyung pulled to the side of the road, tires screeching over dirt and leaving behind a swirl of dust in the air like the race cars on the video games they used to play together.

Jungkook bounced in his seat, scowling at the pain in his body. The sound coming from the radio disappeared as soon as Taehyung slammed it shut, shifting towards Jungkook.

"I know how to drive," he said with burning eyes, mouth barely moving. "I don't have a license, which is different."

That should have been a sign for Jungkook to stop, quit the bullshit that would have him regretting this whole thing in the next few seconds. But the explanation didn't make him feel any better.

"You could've told me."

"Hey," Taehyung said through a growl, with a bitter edge to his voice, trying to put the blame somewhere else between them. "You needed to rest. You were knocked out for like one hour. Bet your ass we'd be dead in the middle of the road right now if you were the one driving."

"You don't know that. What if the cops show up? You need a license to drive. You can't fool a cop without one." Jungkook gritted the words out, but could already feel his body losing the strength to put up a fight.

"Wait." Taehyung huffed out a dry laugh. "You're saying that you, Jeon Jungkook, friend of J fucking B, fan of reckless, scary as hell stuff and 'I don't give a shit' attitude, is worried about a cop?"

The question pierced an imaginary hole in Jungkook's chest he could actually feel; a hot whirlpool of embarrassment slipping through him.

"You almost killed us both, but you're worried about a ticket."

"Stop," Jungkook said as he watched Taehyung roll his eyes, not knowing why that gesture stung so badly. In the end, Taehyung was right. They could have lost control of the car, and a phone call could have woken Yongsun up in the middle of the night about her dead brother. Still, the words spilled out of Jungkook's mouth before his brain could catch up. "You still should've told me before touching my fucking eye."

Taehyung tipped his head to the side, an eyebrow raised. "Seojoon already told you. JB must've beaten you up so bad, you were too dead to understand," he said in the coldest way Jungkook had heard him talk, immediately shutting his eyes and scrunching his face between shadows.

Letting out a sharp laugh, Jungkook shook his head. He wasn't sure why Taehyung was being such an ass. But then, he knew he was being a dramatic dick himself, unable to stop.

With a swallow, he shut down whatever thing prickled his skin and looked outside his window. The yellowish lights showed the road ahead against the sky, ending in a city a few miles away. If he slept for one hour like Taehyung said, then that must be Damyang, where his father took him many times before to see Juknokwon, the bamboo forest.

A memory flashed—Jungkook holding his dad's massive hand and looking up to see him like he was a giant, moving across the clouds; Yongsun singing to his right, her new white shoes stomping the ground, getting dirty. Their mother would be mad, he remembered thinking. But she wasn't there.

Closing his eyes, Jungkook searched for an image of her with a green background, or pale blue skies, or thick trees with their leaves at head height, to be caressed by someone as they walked.

Nothing.

Jungkook inhaled until his lungs and ribs hurt, thunking his head back against the headrest.

"This was a fucked up idea."

For a moment, he wanted to hit the glove box in front of him. But he held back. He didn't want to be like that anymore. He wanted to stop punching things, knowing he would gain nothing from it. Instead, he used the hand to rub at his jaw and steeled himself with a deep breath.

A loud motorcycle passed by, the loud engine ending the peace that had gathered. Taehyung started tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, his blank eyes stuck on the windshield.

"Okay, I'm sorry," he said without warning, words heavily sworming through the vast space that was filling the car. They sounded tense and sincere, and it seemed as if he was trying very hard to share what was on his mind. "I shouldn't have touched your face, and I should have told you I didn't have a license. I just never expected your reaction. It scared me the hell out."

Jungkook glanced at the floor, his muscles softening, heat running up to his cheeks after thinking about what just happened; he'd overreacted and made Taehyung uncomfortable. Fucking hell. Being this emotional will definitely ruin him someday.

"I can't go back," he heard himself saying. "So if you know about anything else that could get us in trouble, you need to tell me—"

"I can't go back either." Taehyung looked at him, gnawing at his bottom lip. Jungkook got curious for a second, but in no way he was going to ask. "I'm not trying to sabotage your trip."

They stared at each other for the longest minute until Jungkook turned his face away.

"It's not about that."

"But it's about something." Taehyung's eyes were still bored into Jungkook. He could feel them. "You fought with JB. You were going through something minutes ago… What's going on?"

A voice in Jungkook's head reminded him that this was Taehyung, the Taehyung he knew since eight years old. Right here, asking him to be honest. Jungkook could be real about everything, share all the stuff that's been going on, talk about his dad, his dream, his mom, even apologize. Because what's been happening wasn't Taehyung's fault at all. Jungkook shouldn't be throwing his frustration at him.

But Jungkook has always had trouble saying sorry. He never heard his parents or his sister saying that word. He was born into a family full of non-apologists. A genetic trait that was too implanted in his personality to change it. He has been telling himself that since he was a kid anyway, and Taehyung knew it.

Scratching his neck, Jungkook looked down. "Please, let's forget about this."

Because yeah, deep down, he knew he owed Taehyung an apology. Guilt was part of his body by now, after years of living with it. But he couldn't do it, not yet. He needed time to find the opportunity to make things right, because it would also mean confronting his feelings, and that was something he was not ready for. They had to keep moving.

"I'll drive," he said, opening the passenger's door.

Taehyung got out of the car seconds later. Jungkook stroked past him without a word, looking at how the dirt rustled on the ground. He reached the other side of the car in silence and sat inside, fastening his seat belt and starting the engine after Taehyung buckled his strap.

A few minutes passed where the tires against the road made a steady sound. Taehyung shifted in his seat to grab something from the back, which sounded like a cloth bag. Jungkook peeked through the rearview mirror, but all the things it showed him were Taehyung's messy hair under his cap, looking darker thanks to the shadows created by the glowing lights outside.

Returning his body to the seat, Taehyung held the bag between his hands. As soon as he took what was inside, the same fruity scent Jungkook had smelled earlier intensified.

It was a glass container full of sliced mango.

The image of Taehyung with dirty feet after riding his bike barefoot all afternoon, eating fruit in front of his house, was burned into Jungkook's mind. A whiff of nostalgia came over him after remembering strawberries the most.

Taehyung glanced at him and raised his arm to turn on the radio. Jungkook's eyes moved from the street to the radio, and back to the street as a pop song that he had heard hundreds of times, but never caught the name of, played. Taehyung hummed the melody until it mixed with static, annoying noises.

"You want some?" Taehyung asked in a casual tone, raising his arm for the second time, now holding a tiny piece of mango between his fingers, looking sticky thanks to the juice.

"No, thanks." Jungkook was still thinking about their argument—whatever that was. He opted for wringing the steering wheel and focusing his gaze on the sparkling city a few miles away.

"I know you're hungry," Taehyung said without teasing. "Come on, dude. Just one."

"I'm okay. I have to fill the tank some more, so I'll probably get a snack at a gas station."

"Whatever," Taehyung murmured to himself as he put the fruit in his mouth.

"Could you be careful with the seat, though?" Jungkook pointed at the mango, worried. "It looks too squishy. Don't drop it."

"Easy," Taehyung said, almost sulking. "I brought lots of tissues."

Jungkook looked at him with a cocked brow, doubting his words. Soon the image of the handkerchief Taehyung lent him earlier made Jungkook's lips twitch. "You have more of those handkerchiefs with you?"

A snort left Taehyung's mouth as he ate another piece of fruit, eyes on Jungkook. "Kleenex." He licked two fingers loudly and shrugged. "I also always have hand sanitizer with me because why not. But yeah, this is exactly why I prefer other fruits like strawberries. You can eat them without making a whole mess."

"Why mango, then?"

Taehyung shrugged again and looked out the window, barely paying attention to Jungkook. "I grabbed my stuff so fast I forgot to check for other things."

The idea of Taehyung leaving his house in a hurry piqued Jungkook's interest. It could mean that his story did not differ from Jungkook's. For a moment, he wished he could ask Taehyung the reason he left home, have the courage to ask him about it and anything in between, like the old times when they used to share their stuff with each other.

Wishful thinking.

A buzz came from the radio, followed by Taehyung's soft groan. The static noise got louder and disappeared after Taehyung turned it off.

"Wish this car had Bluetooth."

Jungkook just nodded, not caring about it. He was pretty sure their music taste had also changed over the years. Long gone were the times where they used to share earphones.

"I thought this car had stopped working when we were kids."

"It did," Jungkook said, craving the ability to soften the edges of his voice sometimes. He sounded too cold. By sharing more about the topic, he tried to amend it. "But my dad fixed it. His idea was selling it to buy a new one, different color and all."

"What happened?"

"He kept it and still got the new car he wanted. I almost bought this one from him a few years ago, but changed my mind."

"Why?" Taehyung swallowed another piece of fruit and rolled his head over the headrest to look at Jungkook, who was regretting the word-vomit.

"I don't know." But Jungkook knew why. It was because he was saving money to leave home someday. The funny thing was that he ended up taking the car with him, anyway.

Taehyung nodded absently. "How are things with him? With your dad."

A small grunt slid out of Jungkook's lips without thinking. He wanted to talk with Taehyung, he really did. But he also wanted to avoid questions with shitty answers. Because things with his father were bad, definitely bad after the old man didn't exactly allow Jungkook to use his old car; Jungkook had actually stolen it.

"O-kay." Taehyung raised both eyebrows and leaned closer to the door on his side. "I'm impressed that he let you use it, that's all. It was always like an untouchable car. Not even your mom drove it much."

Jungkook closed one eye and scrunched his nose. Taehyung must have noticed.

"Sorry."

Something swirled inside Jungkook as he sighed. "It's okay."

Taehyung was quick to add, palms in the air, "We don't have to talk about it. I was supposed to shut up for the entire ride, but apparently I'm not good at that."

An easy grin settled on Jungkook's face, his inability to make simple conversations with Taehyung fading into the background with the messed-up energy that roamed his body seconds earlier. They gave way to a different type of electricity that zipped through him.

"You can talk if you want."

Taehyung half-grinned, eyes on his side mirror, his glass container on his lap, his clean fingers resting on his knees.

He remained quiet.

After a few miles down the road, a gas station came into view, to which a small grocery store was attached. Jungkook killed the engine when a guy who looked like he worked there came up to the vehicle to help.

"I'll pay." Taehyung put away his glass container and slid his hand into his left pocket to get his wallet.

"No, it's fine."

"Hey, no. Let me pay this one."

Jungkook nodded. "Okay. I'm gonna get some chips."


A guy opened the door to the store and let Jungkook in. He checked his phone real quick, finding two new missed calls from Yongsun. His father must have told her something.

Since it was now too late to call, Jungkook sent her a message instead, telling her he was on his way to Busan—long story.

The place looked empty, except for an old lady chewing gum at the counter and a guy standing next to some magazines, flipping through Elle Korea's pages.

Jungkook spotted the snacks as soon as he set foot inside the place. All the options to choose from shone under the white light coming from the ceiling. Once he grabbed the chips he wanted, a purple wrapper winked at him to his right. It used to be Taehyung's favorite snack, the one that had to be present in all their hangouts at home or during last periods on Fridays at school.

Jungkook realized that he never asked Taehyung if he wanted something from the store, even when the boy offered him some of his fruit.

Maybe it was time to fix things. After what happened in the car earlier, Jungkook should be the one making an effort. In the end, they were stuck together until the ride was over. Buying Taehyung a snack and handling things like an adult could surely work as a peace offering of sorts.

Anxiety welled up inside his stomach while he angled his head to one side to look around. The Elle guy was still there, focused on the magazine, and the old lady was on her phone, busy. Jungkook was safe enough to grab the purple packaging without a single eye judging him for doing something that was probably too fucking much.

Before he could regret his life decisions, Jungkook walked away from the snacks and headed for the drinks section. He took a bottle of cold water—actually two—and a small energy drink for the ride.

He looked at the cold bottles in his hand and kindly put one over his sore brow.

Damn, it hurt.

The lady at the counter eyed him when Jungkook approached her. Her make-up was all over her face, which looked terribly up close. "Is that all?"

Jungkook put everything on the counter and hesitated to add two chewing gums from a pink box near the cash register. "That's all," he said, after deciding to take them with him.

The lady checked every item, making strange noises with her mouth, and pointed with her long red nails to the small green screen that showed the amount Jungkook was supposed to pay. He nodded and smiled, taking the money from his wallet while the lady put the items in a bag and gave it to him.

"Thanks." Jungkook left the money on the counter and checked if all his snacks were in the bag. The lady opened the cash register and handed him the change that he accepted with grateful eyes, asking, "Is there a restroom somewhere?"

She nodded and waved her hand at the back of the store. Jungkook followed her wrinkled fingers, spotting a blue door. His lips twitched before mumbling a dry 'Thanks' and heading for the toilet, ending the stressful interaction.

The room was not that big. Three stalls rested to the right, with a lonely urinal against a wall and a long mirror to the left. The smell of bleach floated around. Fortunately, everything seemed to be better kept than Jungkook had imagined for a public place.

He would have checked everything carefully, like every time visiting restrooms like this, if a prominent voice had not stopped him in his tracks.

"Is someone there?" a guy asked, sounding like he was inside one stall.

Jungkook held his breath by the door, eyes flickering everywhere while silence filled the corners of the room. He thought about staying there doing nothing long enough for the man to forget about him. He just wanted to check his face and clean it, making this stop a short one, hurrying back to the car to give Taehyung the snacks and continue the trip.

"I know you're there, please." The voice echoed on the walls. "I need help."

Jungkook slid inside the place, trying his best to be quiet and ignore the man. But when he reached the sink and looked at the mirror, the guilt kicked in.

"Come on, man, please." The guy sounded pretty serious, urgency lacing his words. "Please, help me."

Jungkook exhaled, torn between going and staying. But he finally swallowed and turned to face the stall where the voice had come from. "Uh." He paused before clearing his throat. "I'm here."

"Fuck, I thought I was talking to myself there for a second." The stranger gushed with relief, followed by a brief laugh. "That I was imagining things. Holy shit, man."

"Sorry," Jungkook said, shutting one eye and making a face for sounding the way he was feeling: lost and uncomfortable.

"I don't wanna take your time. It's pretty late." The voice stopped for a second before continuing, "Wait. It's past midnight, so it's kinda early if you're waking up. Late if you're going to sleep. Shit, I'm babbling. Sorry. You probably have other places to be right now, but please hear me out." Jungkook's shoulders tightened, waiting to hear that thing the other was so worried about. "I ran out of toilet paper."

It got quiet for a beat or two until the guy talked again, with a hint of humiliation in his voice.

"Are you still there?"

Jungkook eased his frown and opened his eyes wide after he realized he had been holding his breath. "Yes! I'm here, yes." Shit, indeed. Jungkook had never been in a situation like this before. He was barely processing what was happening. But he knew that the only thing he could do now was help the guy and get it over with. "Let me see if there's anything over here."

He flung open the cabinet under the sink before peeking inside. It seemed as if every piece of dirt and dust from the place was being held captive there. It also smelled pretty bad, making Jungkook wince. Sadly, no toilet paper was in sight.

A small curse rolled off Jungkook's tongue before he stood up, turning around and scanning the place.

The doors of the other empty stalls were half-open. He looked inside each space, checked the toilets, and searched for something, anything. But nothing was there.

"I'll go check outside."

"Please, don't leave me hanging. I beg you."

Jungkook stopped by the door and looked back. "I won't," he said, lips pulling up. He shook his head, remembering that the man couldn't even see him.

The guy hummed, sounding doubtful, probably thinking that Jungkook was lying. That he would take the opportunity to run away. Jungkook had thought about it, too. And perhaps JK, friends with JB and Yugyeom, would do it. But the Jungkook he was before that, wouldn't.

"I'll be right back," he said, with a good amount of confidence to the guy who was sitting on the toilet, and to the bleach-scented air, and maybe to himself.


Jungkook was getting nervous, and the store was getting hot.

After walking around the place, looking for toilet paper or some kind of tissue that might work, he wondered if he could ever help the restroom guy.

The lady at the counter was still on her phone, now drinking a lemonade, not even caring about the sudden noises of Jungkook's feet roaming the store. But she was, sadly, the only person who knew where he could find what he was looking for.

Jungkook sighed. Fuck it.

"Hey," a low voice called from behind. Jungkook, who was already making his way to the counter, turned around to find Taehyung coming into the store with a serious look on his face. "Are you okay? Why are you taking so long?"

His eyebrows were pulled together in confusion as he folded his arms across his white shirt, making his chest look wide and his shoulders broad. Jungkook tried not to stare at them. Maybe he failed.

Shaking his head, Jungkook reached the spot where Taehyung was standing, leaning closer so the old lady couldn't hear.

"There's a guy in the restroom who needs toilet paper, or a tissue, or whatever. He asked for my help. Now I'm in the middle of this, trying to find something."

Taehyung's eyes flickered across the store for a moment as he seemed to digest Jungkook's words. Then he buried his grin under his cap while looking down, tapping his chin with his index finger.

"You're laughing." Jungkook dropped his arms to his sides.

"No, but— It's funny. How did you get yourself into this?"

"The hell do I know." Jungkook let out a groan mixed with what sounded like a whine. He cringed as soon as Taehyung laughed, full and throaty, deeply amused, but forgot about his embarrassment after seeing Taehyung's face changing. His eyes softened. Jungkook suppressed a twitch on his own lips.

"There's a lady who works here." Taehyung pointed to the counter after his laughter died down. "I'm sure she can help."

Jungkook's ribs tightened. He'd been approaching the woman when Taehyung showed up, but he was having second thoughts now. Starting conversations, especially those where he had to ask for a cringe-worthy thing, wasn't a strength of his. And he was ashamed of it.

Maybe Taehyung could help him.

"There's nothing in the restroom. Not even here at the store that I could pay for," Jungkook said, low and steady. With pleading eyes, he asked, "Maybe you have something in your bag?"

"I used them for the mango— Wait. Were you really gonna buy toilet paper for a stranger?" Taehyung's expression morphed into a genuinely surprised look, eyes lit with an inner glow.

Jungkook shut his eyes as his lungs filled with air. "Please, help me out. The guy's worried, thinking I'm gonna leave him there."

Taehyung eyed the unamused lady at the counter and glanced back at Jungkook as he tossed him a smirk. "You just have to ask the right person."

He walked over to the register and leaned on the surface, catching the old lady's full attention. He won an inviting grin from her after a few seconds, and several hand touches on his shoulders.

His broad shoulders.

Jungkook shut his eyes again and turned his body to the side.

It took Taehyung less than a minute, and probably a couple of sweet words, to make the woman give him a pack of four rolls of toilet paper she was keeping under the counter.

"Here." Taehyung sighed, approaching Jungkook and putting one roll in his palm. Jungkook looked at him with questioning eyes when he realized Taehyung was probably going to keep the rest for the ride. "Try not to take too long. It's getting late."

Without waiting for a reply, Taehyung left the store.


"I'm back," Jungkook said after sneaking into the restroom with a smile on his face he didn't notice he had until a cheer came from the stranger. A relieved chuckle followed as Jungkook's smile got bigger. "I'll give it to you from under the door. Wait."

Jungkook knelt on the floor before he remembered germs existed. He stood with a low curse and shook his legs, then squatted, getting closer to the stall. He could see the guy's feet through the gap between the floor and the door, his pants down to his ankles.

Not awkward at all.

Jungkook exhaled before extending his right arm. He didn't want to touch any surface with his face, which was difficult, but he managed.

"Thanks, man. You saved my ass." Jungkook heard a laugh, fingers rubbing against his after the stranger reached for the toilet paper. Jungkook was ready to take back his empty hand when the guy's voice stopped him. "Whoa, that's a cool scar you got there."

Jungkook noticed the way he was holding out his hand, palm up. The scar that trimmed his skin there visible. A small grin appeared on his face before he pulled his arm back and got to his feet, tracing the skin with his thumb.

"Yeah," he said, voice low. "It is."

He had another scar on his cheek—a smaller one—but the one across his right palm contained a much more special memory.

"How did you get it?" The guy sounded relaxed, as if he wasn't in a public restroom, cleaning himself up, talking to a complete stranger.

It took Jungkook a few seconds to answer.

"I was a kid, just messing around." The guy unexpectedly dropped an Oh. Jungkook did not know if it was genuine or if he was just making small talk after Jungkook had helped him. "A friend from school was with me."

The guy stopped what he was doing before asking, "Did that classmate do it? Did they hurt you?"

Jungkook was quick to dismiss the idea. "No, no. He helped me heal it."

The stranger let out a quiet laugh. Jungkook's icy fingers tried to warm his palm when his mind voluntarily drifted to the time when said scar became part of him. Mr. Sihyuk's truck and a metal box with old tools that looked too interesting, but too dangerous to play with, had turned that night into an unforgettable one. The image of Taehyung sneaking Jungkook into his bathroom, trying not to wake up his mother, always brought a smile to Jungkook's face.

"That's nice." The guy behind the stall seemed to grin. "It's pretty. It's different, like— It looks like something, but don't know what." The stranger sucked in a breath. Jungkook turned his body to the sink to clean his hands, waiting for the guy to finish. "Please, don't think I'm weird."

Jungkook gnawed at his lip while glancing at his scar, drops of water falling on his hand. "It looks like a shooting star."

His words died down with the sound of the toilet flushing. The stall door opened and the guy's reflection appeared in the mirror. The stranger's voice had a face now.

"Thank you so much."

The guy walked up to the sink and opened the tap to wash his hands. His clothes were a mix of dark and bright colors that worked on him, with similar glasses to the ones Jungkook had seen in music videos from the '70s that his mom once showed him.

"I have to pay you. Maybe I could buy you a drink or something, or anything you want from the store." The guy looked up with a gleaming smile. After a moment, something flashed in his gaze and crinkles appeared on his forehead, his lips in a small pout. "Wait, do we know each other?"

"I don't think so," Jungkook replied after drying his hands on his flannel, giving the guy some space. Something tried to click inside Jungkook's brain, but the dots weren't connecting.

The stranger stared at him in the mirror. "From Gwangju, maybe?"

A surprise expression took over Jungkook after hearing the name of his city. "Are you from Gwangju?"

"I am." A toothy grin settled in the stranger's face while he finished cleaning his hands and flicked the water off them. Maybe Jungkook had met him somewhere, but his memory was still not working. "You have an accent, too."

With eyes wide open, Jungkook angled his head to the side. Suddenly, the guy's high-pitched voice filled the room.

"Jungkook?" he asked, too excited for Jungkook's ears. "Little Jungkookie from second grade?"

"You know me?"

Pointing a finger to his face, the stranger smiled again. "I'm Hoseok hyung. I gave you candy on your first day of school. You were shit scared, and your eyes were so big and round, like right now. Wait, are you scared?"

"What—" Jungkook murmured, drenched in surprise. Not knowing if it was because the guy remembered him after so long or because he had heard no one but his mom telling him that about his eyes before. "That feels like a lifetime ago."

"It's your eyes. And, well, your face. You haven't changed much. Though you have a nasty bruise there now." Hoseok motioned to Jungkook's left brow before rubbing his hands on his pants. "And you used to hang out with Taehyung, who was friends with my sister. She even keeps a picture of the three of you in her room."

Jungkook felt his neck burning, certain that this encounter was the most bizarre one he has ever experienced.

"How is Taehyung, by the way?" Hoseok asked while resting on the counter, hands over the surface. Jungkook's chest contracted at the mention of his former friend's name. Something must have shown on his face, because Hoseok was quick to apologize. "Dammit, I'm sorry. Has something happened to him? We stopped talking after my sister and I changed schools when we were all younger."

Jungkook shook his head and put his hands in the air. "No, he's fine, he's"—Hoseok looked at him expectantly—"waiting for me outside."

Hoseok let a shrill laughter ring out, whole body relaxing on the counter.

"I'm glad. I thought something bad had happened to him." He barely paused for a breath before he was speaking again. "It wouldn't have been a new situation for me. I've met people before, old friends, asked them about someone. And an awkward, like, super awkward, conversation would usually start. Does it happen to you, too? When you get completely lost and start talking about random things—" Hoseok must have noticed Jungkook was not even blinking, because he smiled gently and clapped his hands together. "I'm babbling again. I do that too often. Anyway. What the hell are you doing in the middle of Damyang?"

Not knowing how to explain or where to start, Jungkook scratched the back of his neck, sliding his hand to his jaw. Hoseok's smile grew bigger.

"Are you going somewhere?" he asked, hands thrust into his pockets.

"Yes. Yeah, I'm on my way to my sister's place in Busan."

Hoseok grinned. "That's nice."

"This was just a quick stop. I should go now." Jungkook shifted his body to the side. "Taehyung's waiting for me."

"Oh, yeah. Let's go. I wanna say hi to him, too." Hoseok opened the door and let Jungkook walk out first.

Jungkook had both feet out of the restroom when he noticed he didn't check his bruise. He was too into this now to go back, following Hoseok outside and keeping up with the conversation. "Glad to see you after so long."

"Same. Who would have thought."

"And you're here because…" Jungkook asked, not wanting to intrude in other people's business but wanting to be nice.

"Man, long story." Hoseok sounded tired. "I was going to Namwon for a friend's birthday, but the bus broke down a few miles from here because of the rain. I still don't understand why it rains so much in September." He halted to make a hand movement and then went on. "The company mentioned that they would send a new bus from Yeondongri, which is only thirty minutes away. But that was"—he glanced at the watch on his wrist—"more than an hour ago. Perhaps they don't care because the bus was pretty much empty. A few passengers and I came here to buy some food and then they left. Now the company isn't answering my calls."

"Fuck, that sucks."

Hoseok laughed, probably at the look on Jungkook's face. "It fucking does."

He said goodbye to the old lady at the counter and opened the front door of the store. The chilly night air embraced them when they stepped outside, darkness following their every move. Some lights from the gas station and others from the street flashed at them, helping Jungkook recognize his father's red car parked a few feet away with Taehyung inside, resting on the passenger's seat, face covered with his cap.

"Some guys offered to drive me to Namwon," Hoseok said, raising his hands and leaning his neck to one side. "But not gonna lie. The thought scared the shit out of me. I don't like sharing rides with strangers."

Jungkook eyed him, his lips in a thin line, worried about him; left alone in the middle of the night, waiting for a bus that might never come.

Hoseok smirked and nudged him on the arm. "It's okay. I'll probably wait a few more hours and then catch another bus." He jammed his fists inside the pockets of his jacket and looked up at the sky. The night's breeze ran smoothly through his black hair, already with a bite of autumn in it. "Maybe I should call my friend, see if he can pick me up."

A croaky voice came from their right, startling them both. Jungkook turned his head and saw Taehyung getting out of the car.

"Hoseok hyung?" Taehyung rushed to their side with a glowing face, put one hand on Hoseok's shoulder and wrapped his arms around him. "It's been so long."

A clear laugh surged through Hoseok. "No matter how long, it feels longer," he said with something tender in his voice. A snort slipped from Taehyung's lips as Hoseok grinned, returning the hug, lingering a little longer than what Jungkook thought was necessary. "How have you been, Daegu boy? I've missed you."

Taehyung's eyes crinkled at the corners and Hoseok's smile grew big at that. Jungkook found himself unable to stop staring.

"Good, hyung. So nice to see you."

An emptiness rushed through Jungkook while sharing the same moment as them. It seemed as if they were close friends and not just two boys meeting after years of not seeing each other. Was this the way people usually reacted in these situations? Or was it his former best friend's impact on other people's lives? Because Jungkook hadn't seen Hoseok for the same amount of time as Taehyung had. But it was him who was standing there, alone, third-wheeling.

Jungkook wondered if in an alternate universe he would have also shared a hug like that with Taehyung.

Was he not impactful enough to get a hug?

"Wait. Were you the one who ran out of toilet paper?" Taehyung asked with a stunned look.

Hoseok laughed, covering his mouth with one hand. "It has happened so many times and I still don't pack enough. I'm grateful Jungkookie was the one helping me this time."

Taehyung sneaked a glance at his childhood neighbor for a moment with a smile touching the corner of his lips. "I'm glad." He looked at Hoseok again. "Next time you have to be prepared."

"Don't count on that."

Jungkook cleared his throat. "Actually, Taehyung was the one who helped me," he said, maybe with a sense of guilt. Like he was the worst human being for keeping that little detail from Hoseok until now. "He got me the toilet paper."

Hoseok's gaze shot to Taehyung. "Thanks, man. I already told Jungkook, but you guys saved my ass back there. Literally."

"Teamwork," Taehyung said through a grin.

With a quiet snort, Jungkook glanced down at his boots and smiled, not even fighting it.

With one hand still on Hoseok's shoulder, Taehyung asked, "Where are you going now? Summer is practically over."

"I'm going to a friend's house in Namwon before I go back to college in Seoul. It's his birthday today." Hoseok had a worn-out grin. He seemed more exhausted than when Jungkook first saw him. "But it's almost 1 AM and the bus that was supposed to take me there hasn't arrived yet. I don't know if it will."

The center of Taehyung's forehead creased. A car zoomed by, the distant buzzing of the tires on the asphalt vanishing. "I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe we…" He trailed off with a weightless voice, eyes landing on Jungkook.

He seemed to ask for permission, but no words came out of his mouth. Jungkook froze, not knowing what Taehyung wanted him to say. The idea of offering a ride to Hoseok never crossed his mind. Should have crossed his mind? Jungkook wanted to reach Busan as soon as possible, and giving someone a lift right now could slow everything down. Wasn't Taehyung in a hurry, too?

He looked at him. Jungkook was probably exaggerating, though. Hoseok was an old friend from school who helped him once, who needed a hand now. It would mean just a few more conversations and a quick stop on their way. Some extra minutes to drop the guy off and then keep driving. Yeah, Jungkook could do that. No big deal.

"You want to come with us?" he asked.

Hoseok's features gradually relaxed, but his body was stiff. He looked at Jungkook with a small grin. "I don't want to be a burden. Don't worry, guys. I'll be fine."

"It's not a problem," Taehyung said, dropping his hand to his side and glancing at Jungkook. Jungkook wished there was enough light outside to have a better look at him. "It's good, right?"

"Yeah, definitely." Jungkook surprised himself with the confidence in his voice when he was actually stressed out on the inside. He even turned to Hoseok and smiled. "I think Namwon is on our way."

Taehyung reached for Hoseok's arm once more, and Jungkook stared again. "It's settled then."

Huffing out a breath, Hoseok's lips buckled under a grin as he nudged Taehyung's arm.

Jungkook wasn't understanding all the affection, but it didn't surprise him. Taehyung had always been like this with everyone in the past, including Jungkook. Perhaps it was the fact that Taehyung was like this with everyone but him now that unsettled him.

"Thanks, guys." Hoseok looked at Jungkook and placed his hands together. "I owe you a big one, Kook."

The nickname got stuck in Jungkook's brain all the way to the car, deeply ingrained in him as he drank the whole energy drink before starting the engine. At one point, Taehyung had his body turned to the backseat while hearing Hoseok sharing some family stories. Jungkook was driving, white-knuckling the steering wheel; the forgotten snacks he'd bought near Taehyung's feet.

And somehow it clicked.

Memories cleared his mind. Taehyung calling him Kook whenever he let him into his bedroom at night; on their way to school every morning; when greeting him on the landline on his kitchen wall; when stroking his hand the time his mother left. A word attached to these and many other anecdotes that Jungkook had buried deep within himself, most of them unconsciously. Just a word. One that might mean nothing special to Hoseok. After all, it was just a nickname. But for Jungkook, it was definitely more.

Weird how words could do that. Hold so much power, unknown to other people.

Jungkook heared the laughter of the boys around him, but his head was underwater, voices swimming in his ears as distant murmurings. He noticed he was driving on autopilot when Hoseok put a hand on his arm and got him out of the weird drowning state he was in.

"How's basketball going?"

Jungkook blinked a few times, confused.

"I quit a long time ago. Yeah… but it's okay," he said with a shrug after seeing Hoseok's pity face in the rearview mirror. "I wasn't that good."

"You were," Hoseok said, with his hand clenched to Taehyung's seat. "You were the best rookie. No offense, Tae."

Taehyung smothered a laugh. "I was good! I helped win the game against Damju in fourth grade."

"We didn't win that game." Jungkook's eyebrows draw together in disbelief. Hoseok smiled at him and slapped him on the shoulder.

"You did, thanks to Taehyung. But rumor still has it that the kid you played against, Tae, had an ear infection."

"So? It's the result that counts."

Hoseok's smile grew wider.

"I thought we lost that day, and then we won against Kwangju the following week." Jungkook scratched his cheek, looking at the others.

Taehyung stared at him, confused. He snorted. "Yeah, that didn't happen."

"Hey, how are your parents?" Hoseok asked Jungkook before he could say anything back, genuine interest in his voice. "I remember they loved watching you play."

The words felt like a lie in Jungkook's mouth when they easily slipped out. "Nothing new."

Taehyung shifted his body forward, sitting still. Jungkook kept his eyes on the road, feeling Hoseok looking at him.

Jungkook's mother used to be his biggest fan at his games until she stopped showing up and eventually left. He did not want to admit it, but that was the main reason he quit. Since then, he hasn't found a single thing that makes him trust there's something out there for him to do in life. Basketball had been fun, but his heart no longer raced when hearing the sneakers against the floor, or the ball falling into the basket. Unfortunately, it never became his passion. And he has been searching for that something ever since.

Taehyung sighed, turning his body to the back seat. "What have you been up to, hyung?"

Hoseok's gleamy eyes found Taehyung and almost disappeared after a big smile flashed on his face.

"My second year of college has been great." Hoseok beamed, rocking his head. "I want to run for President of this student club I'm part of. Two clubs," he corrected himself.

"About what? Wait. What are you studying?"

"I wanna be an engineer. And I'm part of the debate club and the poetry club."

Jungkook's heart flipped.

"Dude," Taehyung said, with a surprised and joyful look.

Hoseok laughed. "I'm a sucker for clubs."

"What type of poetry?" Jungkook asked, interested in the topic.

"Any type. I don't have a favorite poet, but I like almost every style I've read. Though I haven't read much—"

"I like the raw ones," Taehyung said, matching Hoseok's energy. "Not the ones that sound pretentious, but those simple ones. Also, short ones."

"Short ones are easy to read. I like those."

"Yeah, long ones are good, too. But I have to be very into reading to go through one."

"I follow some poets on Instagram that do short ones," Jungkook said without even thinking. His hand, that had loosened on the wheel, dropped to his leg and rubbed his jeans. Taehyung and Hoseok stopped talking to look at him.

"Really? I do too. Mostly unknowns." Hoseok leaned forward. "Do you like poetry?"

Jungkook glanced at Hoseok through the rearview mirror, then at Taehyung, who was studying his face, trying to read his expression. "I— Yeah. I like it."

"You do?" Taehyung looked surprised.

Hoseok smiled. "That's great—"

"Is it that weird?" Jungkook asked Taehyung, glancing back at him.

"No, it's… good. A bit shocking." Taehyung started playing with the door handle, as if waiting for the best moment to get the hell out. "You weren't a big fan of reading when we were younger."

"It just happened one time while I was scrolling on Instagram. I saw one of those motivational, feel-good pics with words on it." Jungkook hesitated and stopped talking, because who cared? And why was he sharing this crap now?

"I really like using Insta. I have a poetry account and stuff. You should follow me, and I'll follow you back." Hoseok's excitement poured out of him, hands clenched and eyes that seemed to hold all the light in the place. "Do you write? You should make an account for your writings, too."

Jungkook embraced the edginess that surged through him. "Not my thing. I just stalk people."

"Just saying. You should try it. If you write, of course. I like to share my stuff and things I read in books."

"Cool." Jungkook rubbed his thumb on the wheel. "Maybe I will."

His voice came out low, and although his closed-mouth smile was practiced, it made him win a smile back from Hoseok.

"I recently got into poetry," Hoseok said after a brief pause. "I've been a fan of hip hop and rap music since I was a kid. My friend told me they're just like poetry. It's all about rhythm. He told me to look up for any clubs, and I was more than excited when I found out my college had one."

"He sounds like a nice friend," Taehyung said.

"He's the one with the birthday today. You have to meet him." Hoseok rested his body back on the seat, taking his glasses off.

Jungkook huffed out a breath, eyes stopping on the bright moon in the sky. Blackish-grey clouds hid it. The surrounding darkness made him think they weren't even moving at all. He was sure that the drive to Namwon would take a long time.

"So, Jungkook. Are you gonna study literature or something like that?"

"Nope," he said flatly, with an urge to shrug his shoulders and also his entire life away.

Hoseok made a sympathetic sound with his throat before looking at Taehyung. "What about you, Tae? I remember you loved music. Are you gonna go to music school?"

"Honestly, I might not even go to college."

"Really?" Jungkook asked, surprised.

Taehyung glanced back at him. The corner of his mouth pulled up. "Yeah, shocking."

"Wait." Hoseok said, with his hand in the air before Jungkook could chime in. "You didn't know he liked poetry," he hinted, while looking at Taehyung. "And you didn't know he was going to skip college," he then implied in Jungkook's direction.

Jungkook kept his eyes on the road.

"I thought you knew everything about each other," Hoseok said, frowning as if both had grown a second dick or something. His gaze pinged back and forth between them, and Jungkook knew what was coming. His body tensed at the thought. "What the hell happened to you guys?"

There it was. That question. Jungkook had heard it before from some teachers and also classmates. Even from Taehyung's mother after she caught Jungkook on his first outing without her son.

Jungkook often avoided these kinds of situations because explaining himself was the hardest thing. Questions made him stressed from the inside out. He never knew how to respond, even though deep down he had all the answers.

Taehyung, who was much braver than him, replied first. Jungkook noticed a hint of discomfort in his voice, breaking through the uneasy silence that made them too aware of the sounds the car was making.

"Nothing." He shrugged. "Just… life."

Jungkook felt Taehyung sneak sidelong glances at him before tugging at the brim of his cap, a gentle smile spreading on his face while he sighed and sat up straight. "I still use my violin. Remember, hyung? The songs I played at school?"

Hoseok lolled his head back until it hit the seat, a lazy smile appearing on his lips. "Of course. You hated that thing."

The heaviness in Jungkook's shoulders lifted, grateful for the change of subject.

"I never hated the violin," Taehyung said with a laugh. "What I used to hate, and kinda still do, was classical music. The classes were boring and expensive. I studied every free hour of the day alone so I could stop going."

"I guess it's all about preferences." Hoseok shrugged and cracked a tiny smile that Jungkook caught in the mirror. "My dad loves Bach's songs, while my mom pretty much hates them. It doesn't bother me. I grew up with my dad listening to his music every weekend."

"Your father has probably never been touched by the light of rock'n'roll," Taehyung said with a pointed look in Hoseok's direction, emphasizing every word. He added a wide movement with his hands, doing the rock-and-roll gesture while Hoseok grinned at his dramatics.

"Yeah, I was more of a fan of those rock songs you used to be obsessed with."

Jungkook suppressed the itch to openly agree.

"Do you remember one? I could play it for you if you like." Taehyung turned at his feet and grabbed his violin case. Jungkook saw him getting closer to the bag of snacks he'd bought and wondered if Taehyung had already seen it.

Hoseok's voice came out deep and gravelly. It seemed like he was about to fall asleep. "Your biggest and most memorable stage I've seen is Wonderwall."

A brief laugh escaped Taehyung's mouth. Jungkook noticed how his hands stopped stroking the instrument and just relaxed over it.

"What, are you gonna tell me it's not? It was the cutest shit I've seen, how you played it in front of everyone on Jungkook's birthday."

"Hey, I'm tryna heal from that memory," Taehyung mocked. Hoseok laughed and slapped his shoulder.

Jungkook could sense things turning awkward now. He wondered if Taehyung could feel it, too. It was weird having Hoseok there, someone who still knew them as best friends, who still thought Jungkook's parents were together. Hoseok changed schools before everything went to hell, so he didn't know how different things got.

"How can you even remember all this," Jungkook told Hoseok, trying to change the course of the conversation. But the truth was, he remembered them too. With a heavy heart, because his birthdays were never the same after that one.

A hint of bitterness flooded Jungkook and reminded him that his last birthday had been only two weeks ago. Once again, he heard nothing from Taehyung, not even from his mother. Not surprising, given that he stopped greeting Taehyung for his birthday too. Tradition going strong.

"I don't feel like playing Oasis right now. It still hurts that they split." A small grin danced on Taehyung's lips as he looked down.

"That was ages ago," Hoseok said over Taehyung's soft laugh.

Jungkook breathed out, relaxing his hands on the wheel. Hearing Wonderwall again definitely scared him. The last time he listened to it was two nights ago, after seeing Taehyung's shadow reflecting on the curtains of his room. Sometimes, on nights like those when the longing was too strong and the loneliness too deep, Jungkook would look out of his window and catch Taehyung walking around, the dim light of his lamp his only company, casting shadows in Jungkook's eyes. The big metal boxes next to Taehyung's window disappointed because they no longer fulfilled their task of keeping a friendship alive.

Jungkook had been feeling nostalgic two nights ago, and given that Wonderwall had a strong impact on him, being able to break him and comfort him at the same time, he listened to it until he felt numb.

With Hoseok and Taehyung by his side now, he was not ready to experience it again.

"What other songs have you learned?" Hoseok asked Taehyung before yawning. His glasses were again stuck to his face. He grabbed Taehyung's and Jungkook's heavy bags with one arm, like a link to reality that kept him from blacking out.

Jungkook didn't know if Hoseok was completely oblivious to the tension building up around them, or cleverly trying to diffuse it.

"Let me see."

Jungkook heard Taehyung stretching his neck from side to side, making those noises Jungkook hated, and nestling the instrument under his chin with ease. He drew the bow across a string and one perfect note sang.

The day when Taehyung's mother gave him the wooden instrument crashed into Jungkook out of nowhere. He could still remember the cool afternoon hours and sweaters on bare skin; the taste of iced lemonade and sweet strawberry cake; the scent of muddy hands and green grass, almost knee-high.

He wished he could focus on Taehyung playing right now. But Jungkook kept his eyes on the road, settling with memories of Taehyung in his room, fingers relaxed and undisturbed, glowing even with the sun setting on the other side of the house.

There had been days when Taehyung had tried to teach Jungkook how to play, though it had been impossible. Jungkook always knew that he wasn't made to play an instrument as hard as the violin. He had only played his sister's pink guitar a few times, full of glitter, which had been easy— definitely easier—than the violin. Sadly, the long strings didn't charm him like the short ones did. Especially in those afternoons, with Taehyung's grandmother joining them, sitting on her old rocking chair in Taehyung's room.

Jungkook would watch them from a distance, with his head resting on his palm and his body leaning on his windowsill.

Taehyung's grandmother enjoyed songs from The Everly Brothers the most. It amazed her how fast Taehyung could learn them after she asked him to. Jungkook couldn't remember the exact lyrics of her favorite song from that band, but he could still hear the melody moving from their shared backyards to his own body. "Dream, dream, dream," she would mouth. Jungkook would softly hum and drum with his fingers.

Those were his favorite songs; the old vintage ones. Yeah, he loved the rock-and-roll bands Taehyung played for him, like Jaurim, Oasis, Boohwal, to name a few. They were great, but The Everly Brothers, Aretha Franklin, Fleetwood Mac. Those were timeless.

A lump raised in Jungkook's throat from the longing that burst inside him, the notes suspended in the air making his stomach squeeze. It was surely bittersweet because after they stopped hanging out, Taehyung never played the violin in his bedroom again. Jungkook imagined him using his mother's tiny office on the first floor where Jungkook sometimes heard vague melodies coming from. So listening to Taehyung this close to him now, only inches apart, was overwhelming. He suddenly wished he could lie on his bed instead of driving.

Each song coming from the bow brushing the strings was stronger than the previous one. Still, Hoseok fell asleep, hugging the bags with both arms.

Jungkook was glad he took the energy drink he bought before driving. Although this moment with Taehyung buzzed under his skin, strong enough to make him fully conscious of what was happening.

Finishing the mini concert, Taehyung extended the notes of the last song as if he didn't want it to end. It still wasn't enough to mask the eerie silence that made Jungkook hear the beating of his own heart.

"This is so weird." Taehyung put the violin on his lap and grinned, looking down. "Am I the only one who feels weird about this?"

Jungkook's fingers became soft on the gear stick, his body relaxing towards the seat. "No," he said, glancing at Hoseok and sighing after seeing him passed out. Jungkook wanted to break the mask he'd put on and just be, and it was hard with other people around. "I think it's strange, too."

"The thing about Hoseok hyung or… this?" Taehyung waved his hand back and forth between them.

Jungkook breathed out slowly. "Everything."

"Yeah." Taehyung held his violin like a ukulele and mindlessly started plucking the strings. "So… you like poetry."

Jungkook shook his head a little. "It's just something I do while I'm on Instagram. Follow some people, read their poems. Nothing big."

He kept his eyes on the road. He could feel Taehyung scrutinizing him with a strange look, too focused, and it was weird.

Jungkook also avoided mentioning his little journal, the one with his own writings that he always carried around. That would be too much information right now. Maybe if things with Taehyung end up on a good note, Jungkook could share more of his new life with him.

"That's nice," Taehyung said with a controlled voice, playful notes coming from the tips of his fingers. "But if it's something you really like, you should give it a try like Hoseok hyung mentioned. Maybe you could make a living out of it."

"I like it, but not as a job or anything."

"Why?" Taehyung asked, brows furrowed, clearly not following. As if fields like law or science or engineering weren't the ones that people expected teens to choose as careers.

A doleful frown covered Jungkook's face, his head tipped to the side. "I'm not that good."

A breath escaped Taehyung's mouth. He seemed to hesitate, deciding what to say. Whatever he was thinking remained unspoken after he closed his lips.

The seconds seemed to stretch on forever while Taehyung played a little more with the strings. It gave Jungkook enough time to process the moment they were both sharing. Until Taehyung nodded.

"I used to think like that when I started playing this." He looked at the instrument between his hands. "I wasn't skilled enough. You were there… I had a lot to improve." Jungkook swallowed, trying to ignore the sudden itch in his right palm. "And now I think I'm pretty good at it. It surely got easier with time and practice." He looked at Jungkook and cracked a bare hint of a smile. "You can get better, too. And it could be just a hobby, no pressure."

Jungkook's shoulders weighed down on him at that word, and he heard himself saying, "It seems like everything I do in life is just a hobby."

"Yeah, it can feel like that sometimes," Taehyung whispered, the weight of his eyes on Jungkook. "Maybe that's how it's supposed to be. Work for money, so you can pay for your hobbies."

A frown appeared on Jungkook's lips. "Is that why you're ditching music school? 'Cause playing the violin is just a hobby?" He avoided Taehyung because locking eyes with him meant red cheeks and tingling skin, things that confused him. "I remember you didn't like the idea of studying music, but I never thought your mom would let you avoid getting a career."

"She doesn't know," Taehyung said with a distant look in his eyes. He kept his fingers from playing the strings as sarcasm dripped from his voice, trying to hide it with a bitter laugh. "There are more important things to do now. I'll tell her over the phone one day."

Jungkook felt it was time to stop talking. There was something deeper behind Taehyung's words and life decisions, and Jungkook did not want to pry. He would like to say something encouraging, though. Make Taehyung feel a little better. But Jungkook was too bad with words, which was why learning about poetry had gained a special place in his daily life. He hoped he could use it one day.

"Mind if I play one more song?"

Jungkook looked at Taehyung, finding a soft grin and eyes waiting for something.

Returning his gaze to the street, he replied, "Sure."

"It's a short one that I stopped playing for a while. I might be bad at it."

Jungkook bit his tongue. He knew Taehyung was lying. He was definitely good at it, whatever song it was. But Jungkook didn't say a thing because he couldn't praise Taehyung that easily right now.

He heard Taehyung placing the wooden instrument on his shoulder again, grabbing the bow, and with what Jungkook knew was a perfect gesture of his fingers—from years of practice and improvised sessions—he heard him play. The melody was slower than the previous ones. It thrummed against Jungkook, sounding like something he had heard before but couldn't place.

It took him a few seconds to figure out that Taehyung had changed the tempo. It was supposed to be a fast song, the one that people sang when they celebrated their birthdays.

And it felt like a punch in the gut.

Did he remember?

The scene of this year's birthday celebration, with a cake that almost arrived late, and that Jungkook didn't even like the flavor of, flashed before his eyes and froze him in place. His father had Jeongwoo in his arms while his girlfriend hugged them both, everyone staring at Jungkook, waiting for him to blow out the candles so they could probably leave to do more important things.

Jungkook hadn't been alone that evening, and yet he still felt like it. That was why he hated his birthdays, because they meant loneliness and awkwardness and thoughts—too many thoughts. Nothing to hope for. It meant not having his sister or his mother around, just spending his day doing nothing.

Now, two weeks later, Taehyung was playing the birthday song for him. The song he played many September 1sts when the clock struck midnight. The same song that Jungkook had wanted to hear again from those strings on all his Taehyung-fewer birthdays. Only the slow tempo made it different this time; more nostalgic, even sad.

And though no one was singing, the familiar notes were enough to make Jungkook feel the yearning, hopeful feeling that the voices of his loved ones once gave him.

Taehyung stopped slowly, the song coming to an end, and the melody hanging in the air for a few warm extra seconds.

Out of nowhere, a snore came from the back seat, making Jungkook search for Taehyung's eyes that were already on him. They both laughed, short and strained. Hoseok rested like nothing happened.

Taehyung began loosening the synthetic bow hair and putting everything back in the case. When he closed his eyes, he relaxed his head back and covered his face with his cap.

Jungkook swallowed nothing, throat bone dry. His emotions were a total mess after the most weird ass night in his life. But it felt so good to be surrounded by Taehyung's energy and presence and everything again. To hear him play his violin.

Shit. He remembered.

With his lungs expanding, Jungkook relaxed into a huge smile, one that completely reached his eyes. He had to look at himself in the mirror for a second, because he rarely smiled like that.

It felt pretty fucking nice.

And if Taehyung hadn't been covering his face with his cap, Jungkook would have seen that he was smiling in that same way, too.