"Everything okay?"

Sejin was standing near the kitchen table, alone, with what appeared to be a genuine worry in his eyes.

The conversation with Yongsun changed Jungkook's mood completely, and he felt, deep in his core, the need to tell the truth for once. To stop shitting people and himself about how he was handling things. How he was in control. Because it felt like he wasn't. Like the front he'd built was shaking with every new excuse he put on top, each one bigger than the first ones. The idea of the whole thing collapsing more real than before.

It was exhausting. Being an adult was not something Jungkook was used to. He once thought grown-ups had it all figured out, but knew now what a bullshit that was. He actually knew it when his mother left and his father failed to keep his damn promises. Jungkook wished to be different, at least better than them. To learn from their mistakes in life. It was something just too difficult to do when he was barely living.

So after looking at Sejin's concerned face, someone he just met, Jungkook chose to swallow everything down.

"Yes." Jungkook's fingers were still on the doorknob. "All good."

Sejin nodded, but Jungkook could see in his face that he didn't believe him.

"How's your eyebrow doing?"

Barely touching the tight skin above his eye, Jungkook winced. "It's fine. Thank you for the ice."

"I think you'll need something a little bit stronger than that." Sejin motioned with his head to the door, a smirk dancing on his lips as he turned around. "Come with me."

It took Jungkook a second to follow him out of the kitchen and down the hallway, naked walls watching them move. The idea of Sejin not wanting to put the faces of his loved ones on them, or any other special thing, was strange. One reason Jungkook could think of was that this house was not his definite one. Maybe it was a temporary place for him and Namjoon, and the summers they've been talking about. Because most people like to hang pictures where they know they'll be staying.

Jungkook walked in front of the room where he had slept, seeing Taehyung inside engrossed in his phone. He raised his head at the exact moment Jungkook widened his eyes in alert mode, not sure if Taehyung caught it.

"Here." Sejin entered the bathroom and gently closed the lid of the toilet. Jungkook sat on the cold surface, watching the man opening a cabinet and grabbing some things.

"I'm okay, really."

"You don't have to lie to me." Sejin opened the faucet to wash his hands just when Jungkook's eyes saw movement near one of the thresholds in the hall. "If you were okay, you wouldn't be making a face every time you think of touching your eyebrow. I can see you reliving the moment it happened."

Taehyung had more than half of his body hidden by the door frame, his head sticking out. He had a grin on his face that Jungkook suddenly wanted to shove away.

"Does it hurt when you smile like that?" Sejin asked him, standing in the middle of the bathroom with a small wet cotton ball on his fingers.

Jungkook looked up, the smile on his face gone, neck burning. "I wasn't smiling."

Sejin snorted, somehow looking very young while doing it. "You have to be careful with your wounds. Better yet, be careful enough to avoid getting into fights. Kids these days are too reckless."

Jungkook eyed him while suppressing a frown, ignoring the fact that one more person had called him a kid today. Somehow, it hurt more coming out of Yongsun's mouth. "How did you know?"

"Know what?"

"That I got this in a fight."

Sejin grinned, walking closer to Jungkook with the cotton ball in hand. "Come on. I'm not a fool."

"I wasn't…" Jungkook trailed off, eyes finding Taehyung's mocking face as he lingered in the doorway. Jungkook glared at him before shutting his eyes, feeling Sejin's fingers tapping under his chin once. "I didn't mean it like that."

Jungkook felt a cold rush spreading through his skin and down his spine. The cotton was cold, lowering the intensity of the ache around his eye. Jungkook tipped his head back to make it easier for Sejin and more comfortable for him.

"The broken lip, which is healing, and the purple on your eye reminded me of the times I did this with Namjoon. Before getting along with Chen, they used to fight almost every day. It wasn't like him, but I guess that's how it works when we're young."

With his eyes still closed, Jungkook tried to imagine Namjoon in a fight; broken knuckles, blood running down his nose. It was hard to picture him like that. He seemed too peaceful now, unable to hurt anybody. But time had gone by and, in the end, everyone carried a story.

"I used to look like this when I was younger, but for completely different, more innocent reasons," Sejin said. "I was really bad at climbing things."

His touch on Jungkook disappeared. There was a sound of a plastic tube against the counter, at which Jungkook opened his eyes. He saw Sejin putting a small amount of what looked like ointment on his forefinger before reaching for Jungkook's brow.

"What if I didn't get this in a fight?" Jungkook asked, without overthinking what he was saying as Sejin spread the substance over his damaged skin. He smelled the mint instantly, feeling cold and smooth. "What if my father did this?"

Jungkook's heart rate sped up when Sejin's finger stopped moving, still linked to the skin that was slightly itching. Jungkook didn't want to look at him. He also didn't want to open his eyes and find Taehyung's face in the hall after what he said. Taehyung certainly heard him.

"Did he?"

Jungkook swallowed hard. His father hadn't caused the bruises on his face, yet he could have. Jungkook was still surprised that their argumemt happened. He wasn't sure if there would be a second time. He hoped not, wishing his trip to Busan was one way only.

"No," he said after a moment, feeling Sejin's eyes burning through his lids.

Letting out a slow breath, Sejin stroked Jungkook's skin again, the sole of his slippers scraping the floor after he apparently shifted his weight to his other leg.

"Are things okay at home?"

Jungkook wanted to laugh at the question, but he'd asked for it. He might as well deal with this shit before it gets too personal.

"Peachy."

"Not sure if hinting that your dad might've hit you in the face relates to things being peachy."

Well, Jungkook wasn't going to start talking now.

He heard Sejin exhaling and what sounded like aluminum tubes clicking together. "I get it. I get how it feels to be disappointed in our own parents. To realize, sometimes late and others way too early, that they don't actually meet our expectations."

Jungkook was silent, hearing Sejin's words and feeling them resonate in a way with his thoughts, but not knowing where the conversation was exactly headed.

"After a long time trying to have a good relationship with my parents, I realized that the hardest thing is understanding that they're people like me. Not the heroes I thought they were."

Something gurgled in the pit of Jungkook's stomach as he recalled Yongsun's similar words about their dad. He wasn't used to this type of honesty, so he tried hard to focus on Sejin's finger, gently rubbing the corner of his bottom lip, ignoring that voice inside his head telling him to get up and run.

"And we, as sons and daughters—as people—, we have to make peace with this fact, because it's an important aspect of growing up. You might get it when you decide to become a dad."

Jungkook had heard that before from almost every adult in his life. As if becoming a parent gave you a special power to put all the puzzles of the Universe into place. Then why didn't Jungkook's father seem to get how things worked? Why did his mother bring Jungkook to this world to leave him behind without a goodbye and never return? Had they wanted to be parents?

These questions would always haunt Jungkook, making him think he and his sister weren't planned. They were just a mere result of shitty, autopilot decisions. A consequence of circumstance. And because of this, the idea of having children was one that never stayed too long in his mind. One, because the world was already too fucked up to bring another life into it. Two, because he was too messed up to even do it right.

"Are people ever ready?" he asked, hearing an uninvited hint of desperation in his voice. He looked down to his hands on his lap, fingers caressing his right palm.

"I don't think we are, but one day you feel something inside you, like a calling. And there's nothing else you can think about. Only bringing a new life to this world to take care of, and give everything to, and love."

Jungkook couldn't fight the rush of envy that cut through him. If his parents had thought like that before having him, Jungkook wouldn't be sitting in a stranger's bathroom now, running away from home, feeling alone.

There was a time he really admired his parents, but everything changed after Jungkook lost his mom. He would always think about how his dad didn't do enough. And probably never will. Maybe the thing that hurt the most was believing parents could change for the better, seeing at first hand that it wasn't true. They should be the wise ones and know how to handle things. They should be all in for their kids. If not, then why become parents in the first place?

"I don't understand why people decide to be parents if— if they're not going to give their best. Or if the reason they want kids is because it's the next step in life. Isn't it smarter to just— not have kids?"

Sejin let out a strained chuckle. "Yeah. It might look like we're selfish asshats." Jungkook's eyebrows went up after hearing the words coming out of Sejin's mouth, not sure what he was supposed to say to that. "But there are good parents out there. You could learn from yours and be part of that good parents club someday."

Smiling, Sejin put away his things and reached for the sink to clean his hands. For the first time that morning, Jungkook noticed a wedding ring on the counter that Sejin must have left there earlier. He gently put it back on.

A question popped up on Jungkook's brain after realizing Sejin had used the word 'we.' But it was a bit too personal to get into while in a bathroom with someone he didn't know at all. Jungkook just stood up, avoiding opening his mouth.

"You can take this." Sejin handed Jungkook the medicinal ointment.

Surprised by Sejin's kindness, Jungkook gave him a short nod, avoiding his eyes. The last time someone took care of him like that was a long time ago; the same person that was now hiding behind a door in the hall, looking at them.

"Thank you," he said, putting the little tube in his back pocket.

Sejin clapped Jungkook's shoulder with one hand. "I know how it feels to be angry at your parents. I know it hurts. Kids have to do the hardest part of the job, which is forgiving their parents before even getting an apology. And sometimes, that 'I'm sorry' never comes. But parents are the way they are because of millions of small choices they've made through their lives. It's definitely not easy, but know that most of us do try our best."

Jungkook's chest clenched as he looked at the ceiling, not knowing how to avoid the uneasiness that this conversation was giving him. He wanted to tell Sejin he didn't care if parents messed up, as long as they stick to their decisions, no matter what. But he was already regretting feeling this way and sharing this much. He was tired about the topic, and all too tired to put much effort into a long conversation with a man he'll never see again. He knew the subtle sadness was temporary, like most of his feelings, coming and going. So he returned his eyes to Sejin, sharing a smile he hoped didn't look as fake as it felt, and nodded.

"Maybe you could return the favor and help me out now. I can see you have some strength and energy you could put into things other than fighting."

Jungkook frowned, looking at Sejin getting out of the bathroom. The man stopped by the threshold for a moment, with a hand on the door. He said before leaving, "And bring your friend that's been spying on us this whole time. He looks like he wants to join us."

At the end of the hall, Taehyung appeared from inside a room, resting his body on the door frame and crossing his arms in front of his chest. He had a weird look, the corner of his eyes a little down, a soft half-smile on his lips. But Jungkook only saw pity on that face, and it bothered him too much to stay there, sitting on the toilet, just watching.

He got up and left.


With his fingers brushing the light pink paint on the walls, Sejin walked into the room and stopped to appreciate it. Jungkook followed him behind, hearing the plastic sheeting that covered the floor crunching with every step they took.

Eyes up, Jungkook saw a pink lamp with the shape of a heart hanging from the middle of the ceiling. There was some white furniture with a piece of fabric over it against a corner, and picture frames on the walls. The room felt like it was once the only lived-in space in the house, apart from the kitchen.

"My wife chose the color." Sejin's fingers traced a painting of a baby deer with a white crown full of flowers on their head. "I always thought it was weird how pink was strictly for girls and blue for boys. Yellow's neutral and all that stuff."

Yongsun used to say the same thing, almost the same words with an angry tone attached to them. She hated it when their parents bought her pink clothes and pink things. Many times she went shopping with her friends so he could choose all the bright blues and yellows and greens. Also, black. A lot of black.

"I think boys liking pink today is more accepted than before." Taehyung's voice came from behind Jungkook, who had forgotten for a moment that he was there with them. "I have a pink shirt and feel like I'm making a statement every time I wear it."

"You are," Sejin said, turning around with a smile on his face. The sun sneaking in through the only window in the room was giving him a warm golden taint, reminding Jungkook of the filter in every pic Wheein shared on her Instagram, showing her succulents. "Imagine the little kids looking at you while walking down the street. And teens, not much younger than you, feeling like they could also pull it off."

Taehyung moved closer to Jungkook, putting his hands on his pockets while smiling. "I don't know if I'm pulling it off. I don't care what people say anyway."

"You shouldn't care. No one should care about the color of our clothes." The smile on Sejin's face was still there when he turned to the wall again and breathed in. "But my wife and I were expecting a girl, and she got a little too excited. Her name was gonna be Choon-Hee, and according to my wife, she was gonna be pink's biggest fan." Sejin scratched his nose, eyes going to the other end of the room. "The birth was due in four weeks."

The implication of those words froze Jungkook in his spot as the image of the 'it's a girl!' mug flashed in front of his eyes. He then looked at the room again closely, noticing the hearts around the animal painting and one picture frame with Sejin back-hugging a woman who had her hands over her big, round stomach. He felt Taehyung going still to his left.

"I'm sorry for your loss," Taehyung said after what felt like the longest seconds in Jungkook's life, voicing out what he couldn't even comprehend.

"I'm sorry, too." Walking to a corner, Sejin grabbed a piece of fabric that covered some furniture and pulled it a few inches. "Sorry about my wife and her dream of being a mother before her forties." He brushed his hand over white wood, making dust particles float under a stream of sunlight. "I bought this house many years ago, when Namjoon was little. The owner was from Europe and he decided to go back to his country. My wife and I… we fell in love with it at first sight and decided to change some things here and there. We put them off for so long though, because it was supposed to be just a summer house. Until we knew we were expecting. So we started this project, where we could work from home, raise a family here, and then retire."

Something like sadness took over Jungkook while hearing Sejin talk about his plans. Ideas that weren't part of his future anymore.

"Now," Sejin said, letting the fabric fall over the wood and reaching the opposite wall with the baby deer, one hand in the air. "I want to break down this wall and make a big space with floor-to-ceiling windows for my wife, so she can paint while looking outside. At nature."

At life, Jungkook thought. He understood now what Sejin had meant by talking about a renovation project at the kitchen table earlier, and why he'd looked so hurt. The sad reason behind it did strange things to Jungkook's head; their conversation in the bathroom making him feel like a total ass. He wished he could help Sejin somehow, but the idea scared him. He should be driving his dad's car to Busan instead of learning about other people's issues knowing he couldn't do anything about it.

"I bought this." Sejin squatted down and grabbed a pair of dark goggles and a mallet under a plastic sheet. "Namjoon's been helping me around the house, and I ended up hiring a design company for when he leaves. But I woke up today wanting to swing a little. Get some stress out." Sejin looked Jungkook. "Thought you guys might need it."

"I've never used one of those," Taehyung said, getting closer to Sejin and touching the wood stick of the mallet. "I helped a friend once put up some posters in his room, but he had a smaller version of it."

Sejin turned to Jungkook with steady eyes. "Have you?"

"No. Nothing like that one."

"Try it out." Sejin's fingers were wrapped around the tool as he raised his arm closer to Jungkook. He pointed at the floor with his chin. "Use the goggles for protection, and be careful with your feet."

"What do you want me to do with it?"

Sejin raised slowly, the mallet still in his hand. "Hit the wall. It has no use anyway."

"I'm not sure." The smile on the baby deer's face was too sweet, too corny to punch it, even if the idea seemed attractive after what's been happening.

"I'll do it."

Taehyung grabbed the mallet with a slight bow in Sejin's direction before putting the goggles on and standing near the wall.

When Sejin took a few steps back, Jungkook followed him.

Under the morning sun, Taehyung's skin was slightly more tanned and his hair was even blonder. Even the short hairs on his arms glittered as he lifted the mallet in the air. The green polish on his nails absorbed the golden from outside, shining like the grass under the trees Jungkook had stepped on.

With one lean smack, the tool hit a spot next to the flowers in the baby deer's head. Pink and white pieces of paint flew across the room and dropped to the floor. Jungkook had one arm over his face to dodge anything coming straight at him.

"Woah." Taehyung huffed out a laugh before turning around, the hand that held the mallet resting on his side. His face looked funny with the black goggles squeezing part of his cheeks. "That was cool."

"Try it again," Sejin said, cleaning his glasses with the hem of his shirt.

Taehyung hit the same spot a few more times, each time messier than the previous one, making funny noises when the mallet connected with the wall. Jungkook found himself smiling at the show he was putting on.

Suddenly, a phone started ringing from somewhere down the hall. Loud, exactly how the school bell sounded.

"Please, go on. If Namjoon joins you, tell him to be careful. I'll be back."

Taehyung swung his arm while looking at the door where Sejin had disappeared, and then glanced at his fingers around the wooden stick. "This is way heavier than I thought." His eyes found Jungkook, a smile taking over his lips. "Here. Hold it."

The thing was caught by Jungkook's right hand after Taehyung gently threw it, causing his blood to pump. It was lighter than what Jungkook thought, and Taehyung must have noticed because he began laughing as he bent his body forward, scrunching his face.

"It isn't heavy," Jungkook said, sounding disappointed. The wood on the handle was rough against his skin.

"Bet you weren't expecting that. Jesus, your face."

Jungkook narrowed his eyes at Taehyung, but grinned despite himself. "My muscles were ready to put up a fight."

"I'm sure. You looked funny, your eyes all big and scared."

"You look funny." Jungkook pointed at Taehyung with the tool, chest puffing out. "Like a fool with those big goggles."

Taehyung made a face and mumbled something Jungkook couldn't hear. He took the goggles off and handed them to Jungkook. "Try it. I know you want to."

Jungkook grabbed the big ugly glasses and winced at first because of his eyebrow, but managed to put them on in a way that didn't hurt. He could feel his lips twitching up on the corners as Taehyung watched him with glowing eyes.

"Try leaving a bigger mark." Taehyung had his fingertips linked to the place on the wall where he'd hit it before. "The winner gets to choose the playlist for the rest of the ride."

"We don't have Bluetooth."

"But we have phones."

Jungkook heard the duh even though Taehyung didn't say it.

"For the whole ride, no interruptions or skipping?" Jungkook asked, with one narrowed eye and his chin up, making Taehyung laugh.

"With a performance included. Now, do it."

Jungkook looked at the baby deer smiling at him, with dirt on their face. The spot next to the crown had turned into a medium-size hole after the impacts, gray and tarnished. The plastic on the floor had pink and white pieces of dry paint that Jungkook avoided stepping on as he got closer, his feet only wrapped up in socks.

He gripped the handle and looked at all the pink. Without glancing at Taehyung, he paused. "I don't know if I wanna do it."

"Why's that?"

Jungkook turned around. "It's too neat."

"Neat?"

"Yeah." Jungkook looked to the side, the muscles on his arm softening. "We're making a mess, and this was supposed to be a baby's room. There's still a crane over there and paintings and—" Looking again at the picture with Sejin and the woman hugging, Jungkook's chest squeezed. She was beautiful, her face gentle and delicate. She reminded him of his mom. "There's also pictures hanging there."

"But Sejin said he'll be changing the whole room in the next few days anyway."

"I know, but maybe he regrets it. You saw his face when he talked about it."

Taehyung breathed out, shaking his head. "He sounded sure. He said he wants to make a new space for his wife, a good one after everything they've been through."

"But don't you think it's like erasing something?"

"What do you mean?"

"Changing the color of the walls, destroying this painting to put some windows here, maybe throwing that picture out."

"Okay, we don't know what he's gonna do exactly, but yeah, probably. Still, it means doing things to something that doesn't work anymore."

Jungkook looked around, imagining the possible changes Sejin would be doing in the next few days. "It's so fucking sad."

"Stop worrying too much." Taehyung got closer to Jungkook, his hand covering Jungkook's around the tool, raising it in the air. "This is your opportunity to let out your frustrations. You clearly need it."

"I don't." Jungkook frowned. He clearly let go of that in the shower earlier. At least that was how it felt. Now having that memory again breathing down his neck made him brush Taehyung's hand away.

"Really," Taehyung deadpanned. "I feel like a broken record, but you punched JB."

"Yeah, and that was it."

"Then you screamed in the car."

Jungkook bit the inside of his cheek. He was embarrassed for the way he reacted last night, and he didn't need Taehyung reminding him of it every five seconds.

"And that conversation in the bathroom, with Sejin. Jungkook, I don't know if—"

"What?"

"I don't know what's going on," Taehyung said, stretching out his arms and showing his palms. "Something's been bothering you. It seems like you have a lot on your mind."

"It's just stuff."

Taehyung tipped his head to the side. "Then let that stuff out."

Looking at the damaged deer on the wall, Jungkook breathed out. "Not like this."

"It's only a piece of concrete, it's not like it's someone." Taehyung got closer again, brushing his fingers on Jungkook's shirt, stopping from going any further as he raised his eyebrows. "Wait, what if you think it's someone? Who do you really wanna punch right now?"

"Why are you so pushy about this?" Jungkook asked with an incredulous laugh.

"I'm not, I'm messing around." He smiled. "What about Wooshik? Or Seojoon? Or maybe some random dude you met once that you wish you had knocked out. JB doesn't count anymore."

Jungkook clenched his jaw, gripping the mallet with more force than necessary. "You think I go around looking for people to punch?"

"Come on," Taehyung said, half smirking. "Isn't that what you do with JB? Did? Or am I overreacting?"

Resting his arms on the sides, Jungkook snorted. "You're a real fan of bringing that up."

"What?"

"The punching people thing with JB."

Taehyung scrubbed the back of his neck. "It was a joke."

"Yeah, well, it's not funny." Jungkook took a few steps back. "I'm trying to stop with that shit and move on. I'm no longer friends with JB and I really need you to stop being a dick about it."

"Okay, okay. But— what can I do? We stopped being friends because of him." Taehyung crossed his arms in front of his chest, already putting a wall between them. Easy, like it was there all along. Jungkook broke eye contact before Taehyung added, "And because of the stuff you two liked to do. You acted so strange around him."

"You started acting strange too," Jungkook said, almost yelling. Hyejin's face appeared in his head out of the blue, along with all the times she was there.

"Me?" Any trace of humor left Taehyung's face. His voice turned even deeper, cold annoyance wanting to get out, though he seemed to be holding it in. "You were the one who ignored me."

"I didn't."

"And lied. You got pretty good at lying to yourself, too."

"Fuck this." Jungkook took the goggles off, feeling a stab of pain. He didn't mind it. He could handle the physical pain. Most of the time, he craved it. The emotional pain was what made him sick.

"No, no way." Taehyung reached for Jungkook's arm to make him stop. "You're not gonna leave and do that thing you did when we fought. Going away and all that crap. We have to talk about this."

Jungkook cringed because the last thing he wanted was to look like a kid that was throwing a fit, yet he was already feeling like one. He just didn't want to talk. Everything felt like an ambush when it came to Taehyung. Jungkook still had issues with him, with all the memories of the things he did. He couldn't keep up with that anymore.

Before Jungkook could reply with something he was sure was going to regret later, Hoseok got inside the room in loud strides.

"What are you up to?" His eyes were stuck on the mess on the wall, bringing a smile to his face. Taehyung kept his hand on Jungkook. "What's this?"

"Ah, Sejin showed you." Namjoon walked behind his friend with curious eyes, assessing the room.

The frown in Taehyung's face softened as he turned to the side, trying to make a light joke as if nothing happened. It gave Jungkook a few more seconds to come up with something and dip. He was tired. Even more tired because he knew all the things Taehyung had said were true. And he was, once again, doing nothing to fix it.

He needed to get the hell out, needed some air, some space to be alone.

Without looking up, Jungkook put the goggles on one of Taehyung's hands and the mallet on the other, looking at his long fingers closing around it while he heard him whisper, "Hey, wait. Let's—"

But afraid to look at Taehyung's eyes, knowing they would make him change his mind, Jungkook cut in with a "Need a minute" and left the room.


Yugyeom

hey

how are you?

jb told me what happened

Jungkook's heart slammed against his chest. The text messages were plastered on his phone screen along with two new missed calls from his dad that he chose to ignore.

With a sense of relief from being inside the car with the doors closed, all by himself, Jungkook felt safe. He swiped left and opened the messaging app to write a reply.

Jungkook

hey

i'm good

what did he say

He poked his tongue against his cheek when a reply didn't come fast enough.

Jungkook

is he mad?

Yugyeom

he is

where are you?

Jungkook

going to my sister's

in busan

Yugyeom

are you coming back anytime soon?

He breathed in and out, the inside of the car quiet. But the silence throbbing in his ears still couldn't mask the sound of the wall being punched, much less the sound of Taehyung's voice.

Jungkook

don't think so

Yugyeom

ok

he said friendship's over

but you know i got your back

Gnawing at his bottom lip, Jungkook rested his head on the window, feeling like shit.

Yugyeom

gonna miss you

He rubbed at his chest, wondering if he'd miss Yugyeom too and all the things they did.

Jungkook

we'll keep in touch

we have instagram

He winced because he was the worst at using social media and caring about friendships. The thing happening with Taehyung was proof enough.

A thumbs-up emoji appeared on his phone. It was the only thing he got from Yugyeom. Like that, the conversation was over. Maybe he should have been more caring, especially after how Yugyeom treated him all this time. After everything he learned from him.

Whatever. Jungkook closed his eyes after putting his phone away, resting a hand on the wheel, his elbow against the door. He remembered Taehyung's face back in the pink room and wished he could start the car right now and leave.

Suddenly, the passenger door opened and the car slightly rocked, the scent of flowers and trees reaching inside. Something filled Jungkook's chest when he looked to the right and found Taehyung staring at him with a glass of water in one hand.

"Aren't you getting too attached to this car?"

Jungkook wanted to smile, show that he was okay, but he didn't. He closed his eyes again instead. "I needed somewhere familiar to be for a while."

He felt Taehyung nodding, the fabric of the seat making noises as he shifted his legs.

This was Jungkook's least favorite moment. That awkward and quiet space in time before a tough conversation began. He sucked in a breath and held it there.

"I'm sorry," Taehyung said with a real honesty in those short, heavy words. He made them feel lighter, though. Like Jungkook could easily say them back. "I've been a dick. You were right."

Somehow, that made everything worse. It was the second time Taehyung was apologizing for something that wasn't his fault. It should be the other way around. But Jungkook's tongue felt thick inside his mouth, not cooperating.

Taehyung sighed, long and deep. "I can see you've been upset about something since last night. Maybe even before that. You're acting as if fighting with JB wasn't a big deal, but it was. And yesterday, in the car…" He trailed off, looking at Jungkook. "I shouldn't be pushing you, you don't have to tell me what's going on. But I'm here if you wanna talk."

Jungkook rubbed his left temple with one hand while the other one fell to his leg. The voice inside his head wanted to tell Taehyung that it was, in fact, nothing. He only needed a moment.

"Or we could… share the silence." Taehyung relaxed to the seat, letting out a breath. His fingers tapped the glass of water as his other hand grabbed the door handle to his right.

Jungkook's mouth twitched up when Taehyung started bouncing his leg. "You're not good at staying quiet."

Taehyung huffed out a laugh. "No. But hey, I'm trying here. I think talking is not a bad idea."

Jungkook half-smirked, shortly because he wasn't feeling it. "I'm okay." Not a big deal. A mantra that was starting to feel more hollow by the day.

"You're lying," Taehyung said, sitting straight.

"No, it's—" Jungkook ran a hand over his hair. "I felt bad about Sejin, that's all. It frustrated me when we were talking. And then Namjoon and Hoseok appeared. I needed to get out of there."

"Don't worry. I told everyone that we hit the wall too hard and that you got dizzy. That I was gonna check on you. Sejin told me to bring you water." Taehyung offered Jungkook the glass with a smile.

After accepting it and taking a long sip, Jungkook rested the half-empty glass on his knee near the gear stick, murmuring, "I don't know what I'm doing."

Looking straight at Jungkook, Taehyung snorted. "Does anyone?"

Jungkook arched an eyebrow. "You're going to your cousin's place in Daegu."

"And you're headed to your sister's in Busan."

Jungkook chewed his bottom lip, preventing an involuntary smile from appearing. He glanced at Taehyung and saw him covering up a yawn. "Will you be staying there forever?"

"I think so," Taehyung said, blinking fast and cracking his knuckles now that his hands were empty. "The plan is to stay there."

Jungkook frowned. "Does that scare you?"

"Not like I thought it would. No. But I'm not there yet, so we'll see." After a beat of silence, Taehyung asked, "Does it scare you? Going to Busan?"

Jungkook was already nodding his head, even before Taehyung could finish his question. Because he was shit-scared, his insides tangled in a huge bowl of mess.

Without a college degree, an actual job to look forward to, and money to keep him on his feet for a long time, Jungkook might be destined to fail. Yongsun had always been vocal about welcoming him into her apartment in Busan, but it would still be temporary. Jungkook would have to look for his own place one day, and he wasn't sure he could do that. With a short summer job at seventeen as his only real work experience, it would be definitely hard for him.

He wished he'd thought about the real ramifications of his decision before taking the leap, and for a short second, he craved to turn back time.

"I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. Maybe I shouldn't have left."

Taehyung tapped the car's floor with his foot, hand over his thigh as it bounced again. "I'm sure it was the right call if you were thinking about it enough to go through with it."

"Maybe…" Jungkook looked at Taehyung's fingers over his pants. "I was actually arguing with my dad. Didn't even say goodbye."

A surprised expression dressed Taehyung's features. "How did that happen?"

"He had a baby a few weeks ago."

"Already?" Taehyung sounded surprised. "I thought his girlfriend was only a few months pregnant."

The face of Sungho's girlfriend filled Jungkook's brain. She was younger than his dad, working at an office not too far from the house. Jungkook didn't know what she did exactly for a living, but she used to be a workaholic until she found out they were having a baby. She then decided to leave her job to be a full-time mom. Why she fell in love with Sungho, Jungkook will never understand.

"So, you fought about the baby?"

"No, not exactly." Jungkook had already shared enough to stop now. "She took some pics of him, all professional and shit. And my dad hung them." Jungkook cleared his throat, glancing at his hands. Taehyung stared at him. "He hung them where my mom's pics used to be."

With fingers brushing his chin, Taehyung looked out the windshield.

Jungkook faced the window to his left, snorting. "It sounds ridiculous when I say it out loud. Fuck. Forget I told you." He leaned on the door with his eyes closed and lips sealed before a hand fell on his arm and lingered there for a few thick seconds.

"It's not," Taehyung said. "I remember how sad you were when the pictures disappeared. That really sucked."

That simple gesture, long fingers over Jungkook's shirt, close to his collar bones, worked like a hug—the ones Jungkook used to get from Taehyung.

He rubbed the wheel with a hand. "I guess it's been bothering me a lot. I usually have this dream where I know she's there, but I can't see her face. I had it last night before waking up."

"You don't remember what she looks like?"

"Some things, yes, like the color of her hair," Jungkook said, licking his lips. "Her hands and the roundness of her face. I think her eyes were as dark as mine because your grandma always told me that we were alike." Taehyung grinned, lips tight and gaze down. Jungkook sighed. "But what if I'm mixing things up with parts of other women I've met? What if I'm putting the wrong pieces together?"

"Maybe you need to see her again. Have you asked Yongsun for a picture?"

It sounded like it was easy, but Jungkook never thought about that. He thought his dad was the only one with photographs, angry at their mother enough to get rid of them for good.

"I could ask her. We don't talk much these days."

"I thought you guys were close."

"Not since she moved out. We barely speak now, especially about mom. It was something we always avoided."

"What if"—Taehyung touched his lips, eyes narrowing like he was thinking of something—"it's time for you to find her?"

Jungkook's eyes flickered around, a bit confused at first. "My mom?"

"Haven't you thought about it?"

"Yeah, of course I have." The words came out defensive, but Jungkook couldn't help it. He had been thinking about it for far too long. "Almost every day."

"Then?" Taehyung turned to Jungkook and sat on one leg, right hand resting closer to the gear stick. "You're going to Busan, the place where you were born and where your parents met. You'll be staying with your sister." Jungkook stared at him. "You two could look for your mom together. Yongsun probably has information about her. She's been living in Busan for, like, what? Five years?"

"Six." Jungkook digested Taehyung's words with caution, yet unable to tame the excitement growing in the pit of his stomach. "But she would've told me."

"Are you sure?"

Jungkook found himself hesitating. He couldn't reply to that question because he wasn't exactly sure if Yongsun already reached out to their mom. Taehyung was right, she had been living in Busan for a while now. It wouldn't be strange if she had information that could bring everyone together.

"I don't know. I don't see Yongsun keeping something like that from me."

"Try asking her. If she has nothing, you can still search for your mom in Busan. I'm sure there's people that might remember her."

All at once, the idea woke things up inside Jungkook. He'd thought about finding his mom when he left home, even when talking to his sister on the phone today. But he didn't dare to bask in that possibility for too long, knowing that the disappointment after failing would be strong enough to crush the little hope he had. Yet now, with Taehyung speaking to him like this, Jungkook realized that it was good to give it a try. That there might be a chance worth taking.

"Maybe," he said, huffing out a breath, completely forgetting the reason why he got inside his father's car in the first place. "I'll be very busy when I get there. I have to find a job."

"Same." Taehyung groaned. "Being an adult sucks."

Jungkook felt Taehyung's eyes on him. "It does."

"What kind of job do you have in mind?"

"I don't know, whatever I can get."

Taehyung licked his bottom lip and stared at some distant place in front of them. "I wanna work at a music store. One that isn't too crowded so I can listen to some records on those old booths. No boss bothering me."

"That sounds like something you'd like," Jungkook murmured with a small grin, shaking the water glass and looking at the liquid sliding inside.

"Right? All day surrounded by music." Taehyung bobbed his head before adding, "Maybe a place with instruments so I can play during breaks."

"Playing the store's violin."

"Nah," Taehyung said, smirking. "The guitar."

Eyebrows raised, Jungkook stared at him. "You wanna play the guitar?"

"I'd like to learn."

"It's not that hard."

Taehyung glared at Jungkook. "Because you know how to play," he said, pinching Jungkook's ear out of nowhere, the way he always did when they were kids. Jungkook froze, hair in the back of his neck up. But it didn't last long. He was able to relax to Taehyung's playful voice. "Yongsun taught you."

"Barely." Jungkook snorted through a grin. "I first learned how to play the violin thanks to you, though I sucked."

"You did." Taehyung laughed. "But I also sucked back then. I'm way better now."

"Wonderwall didn't suck."

It happened too fast. Jungkook's brain was too quick at making his mouth open and his tongue move; words coming out with a sense of finality, like it was an unquestionable truth. A grimace quickly appeared too, morphing his features and bringing Jungkook to cover his eyes with a hand.

He heard Taehyung's soft laughter to his right, followed by cold fingers gently breaking the small barrier Jungkook had put over his face.

"Thanks," Taehyung said, hand now on his thigh, far from Jungkook. "I practiced that song a lot. Just like the birthday song."

The long silence that came next was all Jungkook's fault. He didn't trust himself and his word-vomit, especially now, even though he really wanted to say something about that. What Taehyung mentioned at the end. Thanking him, mostly.

"I didn't play it because Hoseok talked about it. Wonderwall." Taehyung's eyes searched for Jungkook's. "I wanted to."

Jungkook sucked in a breath. He thought about replying with a mocking tone, in a way that he could brush it off and continue with his day. But he couldn't, not after that confession. Because what Taehyung did was not an effortless thing. It was big, actually. Like 'going to your friend's house in a whole different city for their birthday' kinda big. A gesture Jungkook was not expecting. Much less from Taehyung. Maybe it didn't mean much to him, but it meant everything to Jungkook. And if he were Namjoon right now, he would be showing his appreciation by having sparkling eyes and itchy fingers, brushing Taehyung's shoulders and hands, with a wide, glowing grin on his face.

Suddenly, like many other times, Jungkook wished to be someone else.

"Thank you," he said, settling on his poor ability to express his feelings instead. He meant it, feeling a little proud. Because even if he couldn't be an 'I'm sorry' person, he could be a 'thank you' one. No shame in saying thank you.

Taehyung had a small smile on his face which soon disappeared after his fingers brushed his lips. "How was it?" he asked. "Your birthday."

"Okay, I guess."

"A good okay or a bad okay?"

Jungkook looked at him, taking a moment to answer. "A normal okay."

Taehyung nodded. "That's acceptable. Sometimes a normal okay can be a good okay, depending on how you look at it."

Jungkook's mouth twitched up. Positive Taehyung had always been his favorite.

"Was your dad," Taehyung wondered, changing the subject as he rested his head back on the seat, "angry when you left?"

Jungkook snorted. "Angry enough to slap me."

With big eyes, like he'd seen something life-changing, Taehyung gasped. "You're shitting me."

Jungkook shook his head up and down once, lips pressed tight. "Right in the cheek."

"That doesn't sound like your dad."

"He changed a lot." And everything and everyone around him did too. Taehyung hadn't been there to see it. "He never touched me or Yongsun, or my mom before."

"Shit." Taehyung huffed out a breath, sinking into the seat. He looked confused for a moment, and Jungkook wanted to take it all back. Make the wrinkles on Taehyung's forehead vanish. But it was all out there now. Somehow, it felt nice. Having someone to talk about it. "What did you do?"

"I left. I grabbed my things and stole his car."

"You stole his car?" In an instant, Taehyung's eyes grew two sizes bigger as his brows almost reached his hairline. With his fingers over the glove compartment, he asked again, "This car?"

"Yeah. I wasn't thinking. I always thought I'd take a bus or something, that I'd leave when no one was looking. Things happened too fast. I didn't even write a note."

"Leaving a note would still be considered stealing."

Jungkook let out a short laugh before taking another sip from the glass.

The grin on Taehyung's face faded as he looked outside. Jungkook followed his gaze and saw trees, some of them with fruits hanging from their leaves. There were also two old bikes—a yellow one and a white one—a few feet away.

"My mom slapped me once." Taehyung seemed to be lost in a memory. "I was little and cried so bad, she never did it again." He looked at Jungkook. "Was it something like that? Did it hurt?"

"No. I mean, yes, it hurt, but… I don't know. It was his eyes that shocked me the most. They weren't unreadable anymore."

Taehyung's brows were pinched together in concern. "Did he say something? Did he apologize?"

The fed-up expression on Jungkook's face made Taehyung snort.

"Right," he said, voice jaded.

Jungkook scrunched his nose. Fuck. The idea of being exactly like his father, not able to realize his mistakes or apologize, tied a thread around Jungkook's heart and squeezed it. He sure as hell didn't want to be like that anymore. Wishing to make things right with Taehyung had been the cause of a permanent lump in the pit of Jungkook's stomach for years. This was probably his chance to be honest and make things right.

"I owe you an apology." Jungkook swallowed, rubbing a hand over his leg. This was already too hard. "Because of everything that happened. I really—"

"Y'know what? It's fine," Taehyung said with a wave of his wrist. "We were kids, way too young. It's all in the past now."

Jungkook frowned at him, not getting why Taehyung was quick to dismiss what went down between them. "I know, but I should've done something."

"Me too. You're not the only one who messed up."

Jungkook left the glass over the dashboard and looked at Taehyung. "But you didn't do anything wrong. The thing with Dowoon and Hyejin, and then JB—"

Taehyung raised a palm in the air, and that tiny gesture shut Jungkook up. "We don't have to talk about them. You were going through a lot, I should've thought about that."

"It's no excuse."

"Still," Taehyung said firmly, locking his eyes with Jungkook's. "It's time to get over it. I've been a dick shoving stuff on your face that's already done. What's the use in that?"

Jungkook held his gaze, ears starting to get warm. "I just wanted to apologize. I wish I had done things differently."

Taehyung's eyes looked sad when he said, "Me too."

Looking down at his bitten nails, Jungkook thought about how different this conversation was compared to what he had in his head. No angry Taehyung yelling at him. No tears threatening to get out. It was unsettling but, at the same, comforting.

"And you know what else?" Taehyung raised one eyebrow, voice steady and loud. "I say to hell with all that stuff. To hell with feeling down, or guilty, or not good enough." He sounded like he was talking to himself rather than to Jungkook, his chest growing with each breath, hands gripping his legs. "What happened, happened. We're gonna be stuck together for the rest of the ride, we should at least enjoy what's left without old things getting in the way. Enjoy the short time we have before our lives change forever."

Something inside Jungkook was released with those words, not sure what exactly. He wasn't sure what the hell was happening. But the look on Taehyung's face was the same as the one he always showed whenever a new adventure was on their way after school. When weekends without homework meant free time to themselves.

He fixed Taehyung with a small grin, trying to brush off that vague feeling of disappointment that came with the idea of their time together coming to an end. Both taking different paths soon and never seeing each other again. Jungkook wasn't going to lie and say he didn't care, but he was excited for whatever was next before that could happen.

"You're probably right," he said. "I would like to stop worrying about everything for a moment."

"I say you do it. All those worries you have are future-Jungkook's problems. You don't have to think about that now." Taehyung loosened his hand over the fabric of the seat and rested his body back. "Relaxing will do us both good." An easy grin graced his face as he shook his head. "And who knows, we might even have a good time. What do you say?"

Jungkook returned the smile, looking at how Taehyung's eyes were getting smaller and smaller. The wrinkles on his forehead gone now.

"Like that." Taehyung pointed at Jungkook with his chin. "You look good relaxed. Now… we should get going."

Smoothing his pants, Jungkook shifted in his spot. "We should help clean the baby's room."

Taehyung visibly shuddered. "That was fucking sad. Losing a child must be the worst pain in the world."

Jungkook agreed. He thought about losing his mom, but that felt completely different. His mother was alive somewhere. There was still a chance to meet with her in Busan if he ends up finding her. An opportunity to work on the relationship and make up for the lost time. But Sejin's baby was dead, even before they were able to meet her.

"I might be totally wrong," Taehyung said, "but Sejin would be a great dad if he treats his kid the way he treats Namjoon. And he's still young. His wife seems young too. My mom had me when she was forty-two, now I'm twenty and she's sixty-one." Taehyung shrugged one shoulder like it wasn't important. "There's still time. And they can always adopt."

The tone in his voice had been casual, but Jungkook noticed the sadness in his words. He knew that Taehyung's younger years with a mother older than other moms had not been so normal. From conversations to ways of thinking. Jungkook never experienced that, because his parents had been in their twenties when they had him.

"How's your mom, by the way?" Jungkook asked, his curiosity high after realizing he'd been the only one talking about his life.

"I called her today after I woke up, and we talked. She's fine."

Jungkook didn't want to sound so interested, but he wanted to know more. Maybe Taehyung would want to share his story after Jungkook talked about what happened to him. "Did you fight with her?"

"No, I didn't. This going away thing was something that had been on my mind for a while. Time for me to try my luck in Daegu, see how that goes."

"Glad you have Yoongi there waiting for you."

"Yeah, having someone there helps." Taehyung sighed, tapping his fingers on his legs. "Okay, I'm going back. Let me know if you need anything before we head out."

The door closed, and Taehyung smiled through the window before walking inside the house. Silence took over the car immediately, thicker than before, but bearable now that Jungkook spent some time alone with Taehyung and apologized. Kind of.

The small grin was still on his face when he grabbed his phone and checked the screen. His dad's missed calls were still there, a dark reminder of the life Jungkook was running away from.

With no excitement in his veins now, Jungkook closed his eyes and took a few minutes to rest. He could still see his father's face from last night, followed by the image of Taehyung near the car door before walking to the bus. His mother's missing face from his dreams. His own bruised eyebrow on the bathroom mirror, and Sejin's gold ring on the sink. He remembered the man's wife smiling on the wall. How happy she looked holding her baby bump.

Jungkook caught his dad's name again on his phone, which made him consider calling him back. The pressure was high, poking at his chest. But he shoved it away. Instead, he opened his messages and searched for his sister's name.

Remembering their call, Jungkook blinked a few times, lungs small and heart tight, knowing that Busan was waiting for him. A life drenched in adulthood and responsibilities he couldn't escape from. He tilted his head up, eyes stinging with the image of the car's ceiling against them as his lashes fluttered with tears struggling to get out. This time, Jungkook didn't fight them.

Controlling his emotions now required strength he did not have. He decided to let himself cry, although gently, giving in to the feeling of just feeling.

Jungkook

hey yong

He hesitated for a second with his thumbs frozen over the screen, almost waiting for something to stop him. But then Taehyung's voice was back on his head, encouraging him to go on. And Jungkook was too curious and too hopeful not to try it once.

He needed to ask. He needed to see that face.

Jungkook

do u have a pic of mom?