Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from the Inuyasha universe or any of the popular name brand apps, products, services, etc.
Chapter 4
"Inuyasha, he's burning up."
Kenji was screaming at the top of his lungs, and she didn't know how to fix it. He had a high fever, and he horribly flushed. He wouldn't take to her breast, and he couldn't rest. She was currently standing, bouncing him against her chest and patting his back.
"I'm scared," she confessed as Inuyasha placed a hand on Kenji's head.
Worried eyes flitted up to hers, and her heart sank.
"I'll be back."
Inuyasha had been gone for a day, and Kagome didn't know what to do. She didn't think he would abandon them...he seemed determined to do something. She just didn't know what that something was.
"There, there Kenji," she soothed, rubbing his back. He wasn't getting any better.
In fact, he was getting worse. She wasn't just scared anymore.
She was terrified.
Kagome woke up to see Inuyasha feeding Kenji something from a bowl and gently rocking him in his arms. He was singing softly to him, and Kenji's attention was firmly on Inuyasha. Kagome found herself slipping out of their futon and coming to the pair, carefully placing a hand between Inuyasha's shoulder blades.
"Inuyasha…" she murmured, relief swelling in her chest at the sight of him. Just being able to touch at him and look at her sweet boy in his arms brought an instant calmness to her spirit.
He was home.
"He's doing better," Inuyasha whispered, glancing into her eyes with his golden ones.
She placed a hand on Kenji's head. His fever had broken.
Kagome glanced up at Inuyasha in confusion, and he explained that he had created a medicine that his mother used to make for him. It wasn't pleasant and it had been a struggle to get Kenji to take it, but he was. Inuyasha was making miracles.
"I've been feeding it to him while you've been sleeping."
"Inuyasha…" she breathed, looking at him in awe as she felt tears prick the backs of her eyes. Her boy was going to be ok, and it was because of Inuyasha.
"Hey," Inuyasha breathed, "It's ok. He's going to be fine, Kagome. I'm here."
He was going to be alright.
Because Inuyasha was here.
"Inuyasha, would you put this on for me?"
Inuyasha was holding both boys in his lap and had just finished telling them a story his mother had told him as a child. The timbre of his voice was soothing, and she found herself clinging to his every word as much as the boys were as she sewed his yukata. She was almost done with it, and she wanted to make sure it fit him properly. The way the boys stared at him as she worked, however...it was like he was the only man in the world, and it made her heart warm.
"Sure," he nodded, handing her the boys and moving to change behind her. The boys were a little upset that Papa had handed them off to her, but their discontent melted away when she kissed their faces and bellies.
Kagome needed the distraction too. She could hear the rustling of fabric, and it made her heart race a little. It was like the air was charged, and she found her cheeks heating with the knowledge that he was all but nude behind her.
Inuyasha had changed in the same room as her many times before, of course. This wasn't new.
Yet, she found herself distinctly aware of his every movement. She could almost imagine him shrugging into the fabric of the yukata and belting it.
"How do I look?" Inuyasha asked, coming to stand before her. He looked good. Very handsome. The blue yukata she had been sewing him fit perfectly.
Kagome moved to put the boys down in the futon and stood to examine the yukata, running her fingers down the hem. Her fingers accidentally dipped inside and grazed his skin, and electricity shot up her spine at the contact. Her skin actually tingled from feeling his. It was firm, but supple. Hot.
She pulled her hand away, glancing up at his face. A blush stained his skin - the accidental graze had not gone unnoticed by him either.
"It looks good," she breathed, her heart racing in her chest. "How does it feel?"
"I-It feels perfect."
She nodded and pulled away from him, her hand dropping to her side.
"It's very soft."
He nodded, and she felt herself stiffly turn around, trying to ignore everything she was feeling in this moment.
"I got it for the boys," he mused. "I thought it would feel good against their skin, not mine," he explained as he moved to remove the yukata.
"Does it feel good against your skin?"
"I...y-yes."
"Good."
She moved to the futon as he finished changing into Hojo's old yukata. He joined her when he was finished, laying on his back in silence. Kagome ran her fingers through Kenji's hair, watching as he sucked on his chubby little fist. He was so sweet. So perfect. Her sweet little man.
"No one has ever made me a yukata...not since my mother died."
Kagome felt her heart jump into her throat at Inuyasha's whispered words, and she found her eyes meeting his citrine ones.
"Not even Kikyo?"
His face turned bright red at her question, and he paused before confessing, "She was my wife. I didn't think...we felt...no. I didn't sleep in one with her."
"W-well," Kagome blushed, her heart racing as unwarranted images of Inuyasha sleeping without a yukata ran through her mind. "It's an honor to make one for you."
"I appreciate it, Kagome. Truly. I would have been fine with...with what we were doing before, or sleeping in my other things. You could have saved the fabric for the boys."
She leaned over and cupped his cheek, her thumb caressing his proud bone there.
"You're a father working hard for his son and mine. You deserve something nice and comfortable of your own. They will be fine with the things I make from Hojo's old clothes."
"Kagome…" he breathed, reaching over to gently tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear. His claws gently scraped against her skin, and she bit the inside of her lip to keep from reacting.
"Thank you. For everything."
"I miss you," Kagome whispered, kneeling before her late husband's grave. Snow bit into her palms as she gently brushed it from his marker. She could feel it melting by her knees, wetting her clothes.
"I can't believe it's been a year since you left us. Kenji is ten months old now. He's going to grow into a good, strong man if Inuyasha and I have any say."
She paused, looking down to her hands. She was having a hard time talking to a marker instead of the man himself.
"Please don't be upset that Inuyasha is still with us. He's been so helpful, and we need him...and he needs me, too. Akio does, anyway. He's the spitting image of his father, but he's so small and needs a mother...but Inuyasha isn't replacing you, Hojo. I swear it. I...I know that I've been allowing him to share our bed and raise Kenji with me, but Kenji will know who sired him.
I'll make sure he knows who you are. I'll tell him stories of when we courted...like that time you fell into the pond trying to pick a flower from a tree branch, just because I thought it was pretty. I'll tell him how sweet you were...how brave you were..."
Kagome paused, pushing strands of hair behind her ears as she closed her eyes, swallowing past the lump in her throat.
"I miss you, Koishi. Even though Inuyasha keeps me company, I...I miss feeling your love," she whispered. "I promise you, I've been faithful to you and only you, but I...Hojo, I miss feeling your touch, too. I don't look nearly as beautiful as I did when we first wed and since having Kenji," she confessed. "But I still miss feeling like a woman. I miss feeling like I'm desirable. I miss the way you would hold me at night, and the way you would touch my skin...I miss us, Koishi."
The wind began to pick up, and new snow fell from the sky.
She needed to get back to the boys - they would be hungry soon.
"I need to go, Hojo. It's going to storm badly today. Inuyasha warned me, but I needed to see you," she explained, rising to her feet and placing a kiss on his grave marker.
"I love you, Koishi."
Kagome had been gone all day, and Inuyasha was beginning to worry. This wasn't like her. She was smart and reliable, and she would never have left him alone with the boys for this long. Something was wrong, and he could feel it in the pit of his stomach.
Inuyasha went to the door and looked outside, already knowing what he was going to find.
A world contorted by a maelstrom of white haze as snow fell around them. It was almost impossible to see out there...and Kagome was still missing. He couldn't wait for her to come home anymore.
He was going to go find her.
Inuyasha leapt through the village and headed towards the cemetery, knowing that was where Kagome had been headed earlier that day. He knew he couldn't stop her from going to see her late husband on the anniversary of his death, but he had cautioned her about the storm. He told her that he could sense it brewing, and that she needed to come home sooner rather than later.
He had taken their boys to a new couple that had moved in close to Kagome's hut and were now their closest neighbors. Kagome had spent quite a bit of time with Sango as she welcomed her and her husband Miroku to the village, and he felt comfortable leaving them with her. The boys knew them well and were more likely to behave as he desperately searched for Kagome.
When he made it to Hojo's grave, he caught her scent...and that's when his work truly began.
"Little Onna," Inuyasha swore, stooping to pick up Kagome's frozen body and cradle it to his. He had been searching for an hour. She must have gotten lost in the storm on the way home and wandered into the woods…
Her skin was blue and her heartbeat was slow, but it was still there. He hadn't lost her. He hadn't lost another woman he deeply cared about...not yet, at least.
He had to get her home.
Now.
Kagome awakened to the feeling of being frozen and burning all at the same time. It was a strange sensation. She was almost...clammy? No, that wasn't right…but...what happened to her? She opened her eyes and was surprised to find herself face to face with Inuyasha...and when she said face to face, she meant that their noses were almost touching.
"I-Inuyasha?" she stuttered, not sure what was going on.
"Kagome," he breathed, relief relaxing his features as he crushed her small body into his larger one.
That's when she noticed their state of dress.
Or lack thereof.
She could feel every inch of his nearly naked body
"Inuyasha!" she squealed, trying to push him away. He quickly covered her mouth with his hand, his eyes beseeching her to give him a moment to explain.
"Wait! Please...it's not what you think, I swear! I would never dishonor you!"
That was true - or so she thought, at least. Kagome found herself nodding, and Inuyasha removed his hand and sighed in relief before retelling how she had gone missing. He told her about how he had left the boys with Sango and Miroku and how he had gone looking for her. She had strayed from the path in the storm, which she didn't remember doing...but she did remember feeling lost. He said that when he had found her, she was nearly frozen to death - and, if it were possible, she blanched at the thought.
"Why...are we like this?" she asked hesitantly, and he explained that skin to skin contact heated a body faster. His face was on fire the entire time he explained it to her, and she found it so sweetly endearing.
Kagome couldn't fault him for this...and...truthfully?
She enjoyed being held like this. She felt precious and important and loved and desired. All were things she hadn't felt in so long...
Hadn't she just told Hojo earlier that she missed—
Hojo…
How horrible was she? To enjoy this attention when she had sat by her husband's grave that same day? What kind of monster was she?
She rolled over in Inuyasha's arms, trying to ignore how the action made her skin brush against every inch of his. She could feel the planes of his chest and abdomen against her arm and back...the power of his thighs against her legs...the shape of his genitals softly poking into her backside through the thin fabric of his fundoshi...
She tried not to concentrate on that, or let her body react...but she couldn't. She was longing to be touched again, and it made her feel like a harlot.
"Kagome," Inuyasha whispered, his voice soft and filled with concern. His arm was draped across hers to keep her pressed to his body, his skin scorching hers.
He had been a perfect gentleman. He hadn't removed her undergarments - or had, at least, given her new ones. He hadn't touched her inappropriately even once, and yet, she found herself wanting…she so badly wanted him to touch her indecently. As if he were her husband.
"Kagome, what's wrong?" he pried, softly moving her hair away from her ear. His claws scraped against her skin in the most delicious way, and she hated herself that much more.
"Nothing," she sighed, closing her eyes and trying to gain control over herself. It was hard when he stroked her brow like this. It made her feel so precious and loved.
Her heart was breaking.
"He was a good man," Inuyasha began after a moment. "One of the first to accept me here. I always considered Hojo a friend."
And now he lay nearly naked in bed with his wife.
Kagome didn't realize she was crying until Inuyasha turned her towards him, gently wiping her tears with the pad of his thumb.
"Kagome," he breathed, his golden eyes pained as he searched her face, trying to find the words to make it better.
She just shook her head and burrowed into his chest, allowing her emotions to consume her whole.
Both her longing and desire for everything this man was offering her...and her guilt for feeling that way.
A/N: It's been a hot second since I updated this fic...Sorry about that. But. This story is "done" and I'm going to get back to updating it more regularly again! Today felt like a good day to start doing that since...It's the birthday girl's birthday again!
The completed fic is available elsewhere - just hit up my tumblr for more details.
Until next time!
-LL
