Author's Note: Welcome to the new profile, everyone. This should be the first of my new stories posted to my account since the death of my last one, Pygmanlion (where you can still read my three oldest stories).

So I've taken a REALLY long time off. Two years since the end of my last story, to be exact. And I'm still planning to return to the RWBY x JOJO story, starting with reposting the first four chapters. But first, I thought I'd start the new profile with an entirely new story based on a recent interest of mine, D&D!

If that's an interest of yours, chances are it's what got you interested in reading this story. I got interested in D&D through Critical Role, and binged the whole first campaign and up to episode 42 of the second (as of writing this, so no spoilers).

I saw a tweet a while back that said "I want to write a D&D campaign but just play it myself and DM myself. I have been informed that this is called Writing a Book."

So that's exactly what I'm going to do.

I'm taking the characters of RWBY and writing a story using my mind as a DM, and the dice for each "player's" character. I'm using a Roll20 page to keep track of character sheets, spells, inventories, and other stuff.

Hopefully this experiment goes well.

Unrelated note, but I found a D&D IQ Calculator somewhere that takes character stats and converts them into IQ scores. It's an equation of (6*INT score)+(3*WIS score)+CHA score. Have fun putting your characters up against that and seeing how stupid they are.


It was a quiet night in the Beacon library. The sky was turning from a dusky afternoon to that in-between color that's not quite twilight, but not quite night either. That being said, it was not an entirely silent evening. In one small corner of the library, the click-clacking of plastic dice could be heard.

Slowly but surely, Team RWBY had been planning something. A night of respite, relaxation, and imaginary monster battles. The real ones had been enough stress. So to unwind, Jaune had proposed putting his acting chops to the test, and gathering the team into a party to play a good, old-fashioned game of Dungeons and Dragons. Team RWBY had until recently never heard of the game.

A good thing too; the only time he ever made a fool of himself in this specific way was when he used to DM Pathfinder for his sisters.


After a good while of walking each member through the character creation process (the least problems coming from a suspiciously competent Blake), they were ready to begin the game.

So Jaune set the stage.

"It is the year 1492 Dalereckoning. It is nearing the end of the 20th day of the month of Deepwinter. You find yourselves in the world of Toril, in the land of Faerun," Jaune began, "A land of monsters and magic; a land of swords and sorcery; a land of Dungeons and Dragons. Specifically, we start our adventure on the bridge to Candlekeep. Freshly set out from your respective homes, you find yourselves drawn to a place of exclusivity and academic excellence. You are traveling to this place seeking specific goals that can only be found through the medium of intense research and study. Here, at Candlekeep, you'll likely find what you're looking for."

Jaune then clasped his hands together and looked at Ruby and Yang.

"Ruby, Yang, if you'd like to give us descriptions of your characters, we'll be starting with you," he prompted.

Ruby tentatively reached for her folder, pulling out a slip of paper as Yang simply sat back in her chair, one arm over the back of it.

"Uh, okay… I look human enough, if not for a few exceptions," Ruby started, "First, there are no blemishes on me. No pimples, no freckles, no little spots or birthmarks. Second, my hair is naturally two-toned, in a gradient from black roots to red tips. And finally, my eyes are a gently glowing silver color. I am an aasimar."

Yang, slouching forward from her laid-back position, leaned in to the table and began to describe her character with animated gesturing.

"Right, so my face, body, and all that other stuff looks relatively human-shaped. In fact, I look a little similar to, if not slightly older than Ruby, but there's a huge, glaring difference. I'm covered head to toe in gold dragon scales, and my hair has a fiery glow about it. In some aspects, we share a parent, but evidently we each have our differences."

Jaune took that as the cue to continue.

"All right. You two find yourselves walking the bridge to Candlekeep in relative silence, but that silence begins to wear on you as you pass scholars that were turned away and caravans that are leaving with new wares to sell. Just in time, too. You see the large, imposing gates of Candlekeep, each emblazoned with the symbol of the academy, and you approach. A detail of guards, all with magic staves on their backs and holstered spellbooks, meets your arrival at the gates and tells you…"


"HALT!"

Ruby and Yang stopped in their tracks, turning their attention to the man who shouted to them. A man in or around his 30s with a gruff, stubbly chin and short, boxed brown hair stepped forward from the rest of the guard detail.

"Who are you, and what business do you have here at Candlekeep?"

"We are simple travelers," Yang responded, "and we wish to gain entry here. We were told this was the place to go to find something you're looking for."

"And you are aware of the price of entry?" the guard prodded.

"A tome not yet featured in your collection. Adventurer's memoirs, spellbooks, older or newer editions of famous publications, and generally anything of note that's written-word, right?" Ruby answered.

"That would be the acceptable donations, yes." he acknowledged, "I am assuming you prepared appropriately as such, then?"

"That we did, my good man," Yang replied, handing him an undecorated leatherbound book about the size of a typical notebook.

"And this would be?" he asked, taking the book and opening to a random page from which to skim.

"Something I made a few trades for back in my home village," she explained, "A local artificer wrote a published journal on a method of travel they devised that did away with the use of horses. An all-metal body, a few steel carriage wheels, and a magical core to power it. Roughly the size of a horse too, so there'll be no loss of rider's knowledge in the transition from one to the other."

"Make a persuasion check with advantage. That's something they'll want to hold onto."

"First is a five, the other's a natural 20."

"Okay then."

The man at the gate took a moment to find a diagram of the design as Yang explained, but the gears were turning a little slowly. Upon hearing her finish, on top of the blueprints he found skimming the journal, he snapped the book closed with a satisfied grin, and motioned for Yang to make her way inside. Ruby stepped up to the man next, with a beaten and battered book, some of the pages clearly seconds from falling out.

"And this is?" the gatekeeper said, cradling the tome like a hurt child.

"The memoirs of an adventurer from Waterdeep. I managed to negotiate it as the price of a new weapon when I was working there as part of a blacksmithing guild. From having read parts of it myself, it has some knowledge of the dungeon under the Yawning Portal, and some information on a weird, backwards place called Chult."

"Not exactly groundbreaking, but if this adventurer you speak of managed to get into and out of Chult with their life intact, whatever information they may have would be interesting to note," he remarked.

"Make a persuasion check."

"I got a 16."

"Good. With that roll…"

The gatekeeper took a burlap pouch off his belt and slipped the book into the bag, seemingly making it disappear. He then stuck his hand out, looking at Ruby.

"Most of this is just a formality anyways," he said, getting the firm handshake he was looking for, "Gatewarden Kalan Strongbranch at your service. If you'll be leaving Candlekeep anytime soon, I'm sorry to say but a one-time donation won't let you back in. Thank you for what you have donated, though. Good luck with whatever you're lookin' for."

Ruby stepped in through the great wrought-iron gates.

And not a moment too soon. A second after her allowance inside, Strongbranch noticed a well-decorated (if slightly gaudy) carriage approach the gates. After a few moments of sharply dressed attendants rushing all about the carriage, a woman stepped out.

"Weiss, if you'd like to describe your character for us?"

"Of course… You see…"

A woman in pristine white wizard's robes stepped from the carriage, holding an ornate metal staff to balance herself as she took the next step down to the ground with the assistance of a jovial-looking bald man. She had an air of intensity about her, and as she told her entourage to be on their way, she made clear her intentions to the guardsmen at the gate.

"Greetings, gatekeepers of Candlekeep. I have come to learn from your extensive library the way to becoming a great wizard, like the magnificent Mordenkainen. Who must I speak to so I may gain entrance?"

"That'd be me," Strongbranch replied casually, as if to juxtapose his attitude to hers, "And you are…"

"Who am I?" the wizard scoffed, "Why, I believe you may have heard of one of the more prominent Waterdhavian noble houses, the Schnee family?"

"Listen, lady, we guards don't leave this post very much. If we do, it's because we're off to bed and our shift's been relieved. None of our work gets us outside of Candlekeep to hear any news from out there, let alone a place as localized as Waterdeep. Everything we do know is from history books and personal journals."

"Then I suppose you won't be wanting for a chronicle of the Schnee family household?" she asked in a knowing tone as she held the garishly ornate book aloft, "It spans every generation from the family's inception to the birth of my younger brother."

"Make a persuasion check with disadvantage. The way the conversation is going, you seem to be getting on his nerves."

"Oh, that's not good. An 11 and a 9."

"He's beginning to motion for the guards to block the door."

"Wait! I hand him 5 gold!"

"Oh? Well…"

"I suppose that would fit in our 'other' category as far as the submissions go," Strongbranch sighed, "Make your entry before I change my mind."

Weiss rushed through the iron gates, hurriedly offering Strongbranch a muttered "thank you" as she passed him.

Approaching the gates slowly was one last figure.

"Blake, I'm assuming you know what I'm about to ask."

"Right. So…"

Cloaked in a dark hood and long, trailing robes, a pair of amber eyes glowed from far back in the weathered fabric. A pair of fuzzy, midnight-black cat ears poked out from holes in the top of the hood, twitching occasionally with the shifts in the cool night breeze.

Kalan stepped forward with his staff in hand, the other hand on his spellbook.

"'Scuse me, uh… Miss?" he said, turning to a fellow guard with a whispered 'that's a Miss, right?', "Can I get your name and intentions? And… possibly a look at your face?"

"That… can be arranged," the figure in the hood breathed almost silently as she lowered the hood, "My name is Blake Belladonna, and I have come here because retirement is… difficult."

Under the hood, a feline face belied an air of mystery and danger. Several scars marred the cat's visage, an otherwise unbroken jet black coat of fur. Panther-like in that aspect, her amber eyes flickered from each of the guards who currently barred her entrance, as if plans were forming a mile a minute in her mind.

Strongbranch turned to another guard, mouthing 'Am I missing something?' before continuing with, "And just what are you retiring from that's made it so difficult?"

"Simply put, I used to work as a criminal in Waterdeep as a member of Xanathar's underground operations," Blake stated bluntly, "Sadly, people in my business don't typically retire, so much as we tend to end quickly and messily in spell-shootouts with Waterdeep's lawbringers. Other members of Xanathar's 'guild' have decided that self-preservation was a poor choice on my part and are attempting to kill me. I would like to trade knowledge for a safe haven here."

"And what knowledge would you offer in trade?" Kalan asked.

"Well, I have a spellbook from one of Xanathar's wizards, not that he'll miss it very much. Or, if that doesn't prove worthy enough, I have a self-written guide to Xanathar's operations and hierarchy. Take your pick."

"I think we'll take the operations guide, thanks muchly. Save the spellbook for self-study if ever you wanna learn wizardry."

Without another word, the hood flipped back up, and the cloaked Tabaxi shuffled past without a sound.

"Right then, gents, I think that's our cue to close up shop for the night and hit the Hearth," Strongbranch said, looking as though his heart ached for a pint or several of hard liquor. "CLOSE THE GATES! NO MORE ADMISSIONS TODAY!" He shouted up to the wizards manning the doors as the troupe standing outside made their way in for the end of their shift.

As he turned in for the night, his eyes were met with the sight of his last four admissions all standing awkwardly in the entrance of the empty stone field that made up most of Candlekeep.

"What in all nine hells are you still doin' here?" he asked heatedly.

"Well… I think it's all our first times here in Candlekeep," Ruby returned.

"Shite," Strongbranch groaned, reaching into a pouch on his belt.

Pulling out a length of copper wire and pointing it towards the stone towers in the north of the grand stone emptiness, Kalan muttered something into one end, then held it up to his ear. Nodding slightly, he turned back to the group of four.

"Right, well, I had a chat with a higher-up, and they're sending a guide for the four of you. If you weren't grouped together before, you certainly are now. Head to the House of Rest for the night, and in the morning they'll send a guide to meet you in the Hearth. If you're not following, that means the three story, comfy-lookin' place off in the south for the night, and the building to its right in the morning," he grumbled hurriedly before rushing off to the aforementioned Hearth.


Entering the House of Rest, the eyes of the group were drawn to the front desk. Sitting idly and strumming absentmindedly at a guitar was a deep purple-skinned tiefling with permed salt-and-pepper hair that hung down just past his shoulder blades. Comfortably sitting back with his feet up, he quickly gathered himself and carefully placed the guitar down when he noticed the approaching women.

"Evening, ladies! Mikinosuke, the keeper of the House of Rest, at your service," his voice rang out, amiable and deep, "Anything I can do for you?"

"Yes," replied Blake, "We need rooms."

"How many will you need?" he shot back quickly.

"Me and Yang can share a room," Ruby said to the rest of the group, "If you guys need separate rooms, that's fine. How much do we owe you?"

"Owe me? Are you first-timers here at Candlekeep?" he asked with a knowing smile.

"Uh… Yeah," Yang responded, "How could you tell?"

"Money's one thing. No need to rent a room here at Candlekeep. Your book as a donation is enough to warrant a place to sleep. The other's the call I got about you four. You're due to meet your guide in the Hearth in the morning."

"Word travels fast here," Weiss said, impressed.

"Indeed it does. Mostly thanks to the fact that most of the staff here are required to know the Message spell, and have trained to cast it at longer distances to communicate all around the academy," Mikinosuke said, gesturing to a small length of copper wire laying in a tin bowl on his counter, "Now, that's not what you're here for. You're here for a good night's sleep. If you'll indulge in my showmanship for just a moment, follow me down to the end of this hall, will you?"

Following the man, the group got a better look at his full figure. Standing, he reached an impressive six-foot height at least, and he did so comfortably in a pair of owl-bear pelt slippers, a set of traditional samurai hakama, and a hand-knitted patterned cardigan over a plain white shirt. Strangely, as he showed them to their rooms, he brought his guitar with him.

"Now, I don't normally do this, as it's usually used when the real rooms in the House are all full, but I can make an exception for first-timers," he said, gesturing with his guitar towards an empty door frame in the end of the hallway.

Strumming a gentle tune, he hummed a small piece to find his pitch, and sang. As he sang, slowly the shape of a door formed inside the frame. As he finished, the door fully formed, he grabbed the handle and held the door open for them to enter.

"Welcome to your residence for the night, ladies," Mikinosuke said with a flourishing bow, "What you are stepping into is my casting of Mordenkainen's Magnificent Mansion. Should you need any special accommodations, don't be afraid to let me know, as the changes can be enacted immediately at my behest. Your rooms should be the last two across from each other in the right hall on the second floor. Have a nice night," he concluded, taking one last bow as he closed the door to the mansion.

"So are we gonna have to fight over who gets top bunk?" Yang asked the open foyer.


In the morning, the group rose to the sound of a pleasant melody in the doorway.

"Good morning, ladies. You're going to want to head for the Hearth early if you want to meet with your guide on time. I'll be at the front desk if you need me," they heard Mikinosuke's dulcet tones say.

The four girls awoke at different speeds but soon enough everyone found their energy, and they made their way to the Hearth tavern.

Busy with many patrons, the Hearth was a bustling hub for all the information Candlekeep had to offer. If you wanted to know anything, surely there'd be a conversation in there on the topic. At the center of it all was a well-polished bar and a tall, burly-looking, rusted bronze Warforged in a suit vest, tie, and a pair of pressed slacks. With bright green headlights for eyes he stared around the bar, efficiently cleaning the glasses behind the counter while pouring and serving others. In a mechanized voice, he shouted into a back room several tables' orders for breakfast.

"Dandon! Tables three, seven, nine, ten, fourteen, and nineteen all need four plates of bacon, eggs, sausage, and coffee!"

An affable voice replied, "Working on it! Can't rush perfection, dear boy! I'm only on my second breakfast myself, you know!"

As the bartender turned back to his station, our four heroines approached.

"Designation: Ki-Alpha-Epsilon, at your service. Most patrons call me 'Kyle' for some reason," the robotic server stated, bowing his head, "I am here to offer liquid refreshment to the myriad peoples here at Candlekeep. Imbibements include, but are not limited to: ale, grog, whiskey and other spirits, coffee and tea (hot or iced), water, and healing potions. If you happen to require more substantial sustenance, I am informed (though I cannot verify this myself) that the cuisine prepared by our chef, Dandon Dutchinns, is exceptional even at its worst."

They sat at the bar in stunned silence for a moment staring at the bartender before gathering themselves and ordering their morning meal. Quickly growing tired of waiting for the guide they were promised, Blake broke the silence.

"You said you offer drinks of healing potions?" she asked Kyle.

"Yes, that we do," he replied, "In fact, another thing I should mention is that we offer rooms much like the House of Rest, only for undisturbed meals and conversations away from prying eyes and listening ears. Of course, there is still a way to order your meal from inside the room. We also have separate keys to small shrines to Deneir, God of Writing, Gond, God of Craftwork, and Milil, God of Poetry and Song. A key to one of these rooms is available for the price of five gold, should you ever need it."

"Thanks," Yang responded, a small breath of relief escaping her as she finished a drink, "We'll keep that in mind."

"Hello?" someone at the front of the tavern called out, "I'm here for a group of four? I'm told I'm their guide?"

"That's us," Weiss called back, quickly leaving her seat.

Upon first glance, one wouldn't think much of him. A thin, grey-skinned tiefling boy with vantablack eyes and dull blue hair. The only thing that stood out about him was the uniform he wore. Bearing the insignia of Candlekeep, a brown shawl was draped over his long, flowing blue robes. Running his hands through his hair to tamp down its mess, he checked his breath nervously and tugged at his sleeves.

"Hey- er- Hi- no- Hello! I'm your guide for your stay here, so I'm the guy to talk to if you need anything. If you need me to gather a list of books, just tell me. I think you should also have a research room reserved over at the towers to the north. If you don't, tell me and I can run over real quick and make a reservation for you. Basically, I'm your errand boy, so tell me what to do, and I'll do it! Wait, no, actually that sounds bad now that I say it like that."

The rest of the group heard his introduction as they approached, catching up with Weiss

"What's your name?" Ruby asked.

"Right! I knew I was forgetting something. I'm Irony. I'm aiming to be Keeper of Tomes here one day."

"Keeper of Tomes? Sounds like a lot of busy-work," Yang remarked.

"The Keeper of Tomes is a very important job! The Keeper is the leader of Candlekeep! They decide laws, find people to fill leadership positions, and appoint their replacement when they die. I'm working my hardest to get there eventually."

"And who's the Keeper of Tomes currently?" Blake curiously inquired.

"A brilliant man named Oz. He's a bit eccentric from what I hear, but he knows anything there is to know about a whole host of things."

"Riiight. Well, I figure that now is as good a time as any to get started, right girls?" Weiss prompted the rest of the group, "Irony, I'd like you to secure us a research room in those towers you were talking about."

"Wait, what towers?" Yang asked.

Irony perked up at this question and replied, "The Towers of Pedagogy! They're the giant cylindrical towers at the north end of Candlekeep. It's where all the research gets done here. Each seeker from outside is allowed a room to read and conduct any experiments they wish in the magical silence of their secured space. No, really. Each room has a magical silence enchantment placed in it."

"Good to know, I guess," Ruby noted, "Any suggestions for books to get, guys?"


After a walk across the sprawling nothingness that was the main court of Candlekeep (which Irony had informed them was called the "Court of Air") the party made their way to the Towers of Pedagogy, and in no time at all, had their research room sorted.

"So where do you actually get all these books we ask you for, Irony?" Yang asked, prodding at his shoulder as he carried a veritable mountain of volumes.

"Well," he started, his voice straining from the heavy load, "that would be… the Emerald Door."

"And that is…" Yang prompted, having fun with the small tiefling's struggle.

"It's… the shiny green… spooky looking door… on the west side… of the Court of Air," he answered as they climbed a staircase through the tower.

"So what, the books just fly out when you ask for them?" she joked, getting a rise out of the boy.

"No, they don't… Usually, it takes… going through the door… and navigating… a giant maze of bookshelves," he responded, looking relieved to have made it up the stairs.

"Wow, so it must've taken some effort to get these for us, huh?" Yang chuckled, lightly bumping the bottom of the stack with her hand, garnering a yelp of surprise, "Say, you wouldn't happen to need help carrying that, would you? 'Cause that's a lot of books, and only one of you."

"It's fine… Might as well… keep carrying them… We're not that far… anyway," he sighed, wishing she'd offered earlier.

As they approached their reserved research room, the door was left ajar. Strange, but it piqued the interest of the party. Opening the door fully, they entered with Irony, who promptly dropped the stack of books without a care and flopped to the ground, taking a moment to catch his breath.

On the room's desk was a collection of messy notes strewn about the surface surrounding a rather old-looking ornate book, leather-bound with gold filigree and two small rubies bejeweling the eyes of the man on the cover. The image of the man on the cover was an imposing bald man with an angry visage, a devilish goatee decorating his chin.

"Irony? Someone left a book here," Blake noted, inspecting the cover.

"Do I know who this cover is an image of?"

"Make a History check."

"An 18."

"You know this to be Mordenkainen, of Mordenkainen's Magnificent Mansion fame. You also remember that he happened to be one of Xanathar's most frequently recurring nightmares. There seems to be a bookmark sticking out from one of the book's pages."

Blake flipped the book open to the bookmarked page, and on the page was a mess of handwritten notes which she knew she had no hope of deciphering.

"Weiss! You're a wizard, aren't you?" Blake asked, motioning to have a look.

"I would say so. Why, what is it?" Weiss confirmed, advancing on the desk.

"Notes in the margin on this bookmarked page. Lots of it, too. Unfortunately, it's all Dwarven to me. Can't make heads or tails of it," Blake explained, moving aside to afford Weiss a better view.

"Can I understand what the notes mean?"

"Make an Arcana check."

"Oh, that's good, I'm proficient in that!"

"Then you'll do fine, probably."

"NATURAL 20!"

"Oh, wow. All right…"

As Weiss read through the notes, it was like she was reading a children's book. It came so naturally to her it was as if she had written it herself. The notes mentioned the possibility of creating a permanent version of Mordenkainen's Magnificent Mansion, and the eventual completion of its casting. The doorway to the mansion was in the room! The only thing they needed was the command word to open it: "Scepter."

Weiss, in her fervor of reading the arcane shorthand written in the notes, absentmindedly muttered the command word, and as soon as it left her lips, she shot up, turned around, and there in the middle of the room was a polished dark oak door with a brass knob set in a marble frame. At the edges of the door frame, there appeared to be some indigo-colored arcane energy slowly eating away at the entrance. It was clear that the more time they wasted in standing around the room, that the doorway would disappear and the command word would need to be spoken again.

Beaming with pride, that's exactly what Weiss did. Ruby, Yang, Blake, and Irony all stood in awe at the doorway, and Weiss gave herself one or two long and luxurious pats on the back, and the door slowly vanished.

"Way to go, Wizard!" Yang exclaimed, clapping Weiss hard on the back, "Now, where'd it go? Can you do that again?"

"Yes, in fact, it's so simple, any one of us could do it again. All you have to do is say the command word for the door," Weiss explained, aggravated.

"And that would be…"

Weiss pointed to the book on the desk.

"Oh…" Yang read through the book for a moment.

"Make an Arcana check."

"Whatever gods are out there must love us. Nat 20!"

"Two in a row? Fine…"

"Scepter?" Yang questioned, somehow making sense of the notes.

Again, the doorway appeared. Exactly the same as it had before, indigo arcane energy slowly diminished the doorway. All at once, the party rushed inside, leaving Irony by himself in their research room.

"Hello? Does this mean I can go take a break?" he shouted to the empty room.


A/N: So there it is. The first chapter of my first foray into dice-directed storytelling. Unfortunately, everyone rolled pretty well, so there's not much opportunity for 'haha funny nat 1' shenanigans, but overall I'm pretty proud of it.

And yes, I decided to use Candlekeep Mysteries as the basis for the campaign, specifically the Level 1 adventure to start things off. I'm not Matt Mercer, so I'm not building an entire world just for a RWBY D&D fanfiction. Besides, Candlekeep has adventures for almost every level. The character level scaling and story arcs all write themselves, basically.

That, and I was planning to DM Candlekeep for a party of friends pretty soon, so this is good practice.

I found it pretty interesting that they gave NPCs for guides, gatekeepers, and the Keeper of Tomes (who I replaced with 'Oz'), but didn't give NPCs for the people running the Inn or the Tavern, arguably the two most frequented places of any D&D party. To rectify that, I used a couple of my backup characters to fill those positions.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: If you are a player in a campaign of Candlekeep, please be careful about reading this story, as it might prove to spoil some elements of your campaign and I know your DM will be disappointed.