AN: I've been going through some emotional/educational/occupational stuff recently but thank you for continuing to read this story 😊 I hope you enjoy it
Chapter Six
Shang felt that things weren't right. He didn't know what to do and although his fighting skills were top-notch and his leadership praised, he wasn't a good judge when it came to love. He felt that he needed to be supportive for Mulan but he couldn't be truly supportive with what they were doing to her. He remembered how he had been confused about his feelings towards Ping and how those feelings had become even more confused when he had discovered the truth. If she had continually stayed as Ping would he have been able to break the law and been with a soldier of his same gender.
Maybe. Would that have been so wrong? He had been attracted to Ping and when finding out that there was no Ping, he had felt that Mulan was an ideal woman – who had broken the law and he had to abandon out of fulfillment of his duties. He looked to the sky hoping that in some way, the ancestors would guide him in what he was to do next.
He heard the sound of heavy breathing and silently went over to a place in the large estate that was hidden from most eyes. It was a place he had often escaped to as a young boy. He grinned as he saw Mulan with her hair tied back, practicing many of the moves he had taught her. He smiled. She couldn't hide her true self despite how much she might try. She had to at least have honesty to herself.
He clapped and saw her panic and fear as she turned in his direction. He hated that she felt that she was in the wrong for being herself, for being the person he had fallen for.
"I was scared it was someone else," she said and he nodded.
"Come on," he told her as he took off the top layer of his shirts and so stood there with more muscle showing. "We can spar, let's practice just like we used to," he told her and Mulan stared at him before she took a look up at the windows of the house wondering if anyone would have seen her. She looked to Shang.
"I'm sorry," she replied, "I shouldn't be doing this here," she said and Shang shook his head.
"Forget about them, I didn't fall in love with some perfectly painted doll whose paint I could never chip. I fell in love with an equal who isn't afraid to challenge me in training, the soldier who was smart enough to retrieve the arrow from the top of the tower, the hero of China."
Shang watched Mulan's weak smile appear. She had so much to be proud of in her life and yet it seemed that those small smiles were rare. He hated the idea that she had to conform to a certain way and he especially hated that she wasn't comfortable here. He struck his hand out hoping that she'd dodge it, which she did, returning a sweeping kick in his direction. They just needed to be somewhere far away from the rest of the world. He had to understand that not everyone understood her just like how not everyone understood him.
"Master," one of the servants called out obviously looking for him and Mulan paled and moved stiffly.
"What do you want to do?" Shang asked as he saw the fear in her expression.
"Make a diversion for me?" she requested and Shang looked at her in the manner of a pained puppy before nodding. He stepped out to meet the servant from the house and Mulan snuck away, heading towards the room she had slept in so that she could attempt to apply the makeup. This made Shang feel ill. He didn't want to hide who Mulan was but that was what the world seemed to be trying to do.
MuShMuShMuSh
Shang had tried to calm himself down by meditating by the altar which honored his father. He had always wanted to impress his father and follow in his footsteps but when he had passed, eh had found no time for grief. He had to remain stone faced and lead on his own troops despite all of those painful memories returning to him. Ping – Mulan – had never known what a strength she had been when he had been trying to get over that most painful loss.
"Master Shang," one of the higher-level servants said as she was cautious about disturbing his time meditating before the altar. "We have tea ready in the main room, if you would care to join us."
Shang looked at her and nodded. He spent a few final moments in front of the altar and then stood. He managed to control his breathing and then moved over to where his mother was and behind her, wearing what he could only consider more of a disguise than Ping had been, was Mulan. She was holding the teapot and his mother was looking over her ready to correct any slip up.
"Now, you must treat your husband with the upmost respect and honor," his mother said and Shang laughed at that making everyone stare at him. His mother looked at him angrily, her spine going as straight as possible. "Are you suggesting that your father -"
"Mother, I know that you loved father unconditionally however…who is this husband that should be treated with great respect and honor that you're referring to," he said as he raised an eyebrow. Mulan bit her top lip as she looked at him and very subtly shook her head.
"If she is to become worthy enough to be your bride," his mother said.
"Worthy?" Shang laughed before rolling his eyes. "Mother, if that is what you are trying to do for her then I suggest that I become the one you take under your wing. She is more than worthy of me, it is my task to become worthy of her."
"Are you suggesting that you don't remember who you are?" another woman asked and Shang bowed his head wanting to mutter something under his breath but knew better than to invite more ire in his direction. He saw the way Mulan remained scared and intimidated. Did she not know who she was?
"The man must be the most powerful and honored member of the household," Shang's mother commented. "It is all right to remember your own history but the man is in possession of his wife."
"Possession!?" Shang asked in horror. He looked at them. Somehow he couldn't imagine his own father agreeing with this type of mentality. Ownership? Possession? How had these things not been ingrained into his mind as everyone expected that they should have. Was it because he had been more interested in his career and his abilities and less concerned with the power dynamics within a relationship.
"You are not listening properly," the second woman commented and Shang bowed his head with a cold laugh. "You are mistaken."
"My biggest mistake was to come back here," he said before his eyes showed a rebellious nature and a lack of needing to belong here. "I wanted a warm welcome for a woman that I am in love with but I know now that I don't need to belong here. I would like to leave," he said as he turned to Mulan who looked at the women who were now judging her. She hadn't told Shang to say any of this. She bowed formally before following him out.
As they reached the outside area, Shang looked back at the house and where his family was with a haunted look. He looked forward at Mulan and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Shang," she said and he stared at her before shaking his head.
"I can't speak to you like this," he told her and she stared at him completely confused to how he was acting and reacting. Shang grabbed a cloth and put it in some clean water before wiping the makeup from her face. Mulan stared at him, her body slightly shivering and he looked around for something she could wear over the traditional outfit she had on. Inside her mind though, this just made Mulan realize what she felt she already knew, she would never be the perfect girl or the perfect princess. Not even if she was trying to play this part
"Shang, your family, they mean a lot to you," she said and he looked at her. She could see the pain that he was feeling reflected in his eyes and she didn't want to be part of that. If she had made it so that something with such value was taken from him, wouldn't he want to hate her for ruining it for him. She wrapped her arm around herself and he placed a hand on her cheek.
"You have nothing to apologize for or feel sorry about. If they can't accept you then I've finally been awoken to how foolish they are," he told her. He leaned down and kissed her passionately. "I don't think that I have any right to own you and in fact, I think you should consider a government position so that nobody can take possession of you. Show them how smart and skilled you are."
"With traditionally minded people this might make them feel that you -" Mulan started hesitantly and Shang shook his head.
"Let them come to whatever foolish beliefs that they choose. If they truly feel that I am less of a man to have fallen in love with the best woman then that says more about them than myself." In Shang's eyes Mulan could see the passion he had for her but she knew how much her own family meant to her. Her family was the reason why they had met in the first time and if her father had ever wanted to disown her then it would cripple her.
"Shang…I never asked for this," Mulan argued, "I only wanted to protect my father. I never asked to be the hero of China."
"And yet I think that's maybe who you have always been," Shang argued. Mulan wasn't sure If she agreed with that but she would follow Shang's lead for the time being. If he truly felt that the best thing for them to do would be to see the emperor, try to establish a position within the government then there was some truth behind that. She didn't know if she was really worth all that Shang was saying about her but she knew that she loved him, she knew she wanted to be part of his family. Hopefully one day she could proudly find her place among them.
End of Chapter Six
Thank you for reading
Thank you to the reviewers of Chapter Five
Black neko hime, Guest, HistoryISculture, KathyMesser, kotoko-98, Sissi1789,
