How I think 9.10 could've gone...I have included some of the dialouge from the show, tweaked it a bit & tried to make it make sense & show how easy it would be for Burzek to actually talk about their relationship instead of just continually ignoring it. They create these perfect moments & then just breeze past & leave us in no man's land yet again.
"You all right?" Adam was focussed on the papers in front of him as Kim placed a folder next to him on the desk. He was agitated, and not just because of the case. Things had been strange ever since they'd left the school.
She stepped away briefly to make some notes another file. "Yeah. It's just those poor parents, I can't imagine. This case just feels so different since Makayla."
Adam couldn't stop himself. "Can I ask you something?" He didn't even look up from his work but it had been bugging him all afternoon.
"Yeah, what's up?"
"You turned cold on me at the school, told me I should wait in the car? If it's nothing and I'm overthinking things, you just tell me to shut the hell up. It just felt a little weird and you are pissed off with me for some reason."
"I think we should talk about this later, okay?"
"Please tell me now." He sighed. This was another habit that had been frustrating him lately. They were always going to talk about things later and yet later never came. He couldn't wait anymore.
"I think it would be better if we had... More boundaries with Makayla. Less official, you know? Make it easier if..."
"If what?"
"I don't know."
"Yes, you do, Kim. What?"
"Okay, if you ever weren't around. I think it would be easier if you ever weren't around." Kim exhaled. "I'm only being realistic. We're not dating. You could meet someone. You could fall in love and want your own family. You're gonna want to move out."
"And I'm just gonna leave her?"
"That's not what I'm saying." Kim tried to argue but Adam cut her off. This was why she didn't want to have this conversation now, it wasn't coming out right. Adam was taking it the wrong way and on the defensive.
"Are you guys gonna leave me?" He looked so heartbroken.
"Adam, listen to me."
"Because, Kim, everything that you just said to me is true for you too. And from where I'm sitting, I got no right to be in her life right now. I'm some backup plan that sleeps on your couch."
Kim started to speak, not that Adam seemed like he was in the position to hear it. It frustrated her when he got like this.
"Hey" Kevin knew he'd walked in on something and Adam instantly stepped back, grabbed everything they needed and left the room before anything else could be said. He was clearly annoyed and Kev watched him go and shot a quick look at Kim who was clearly agitated as well. He wish he knew how to get these two out of their own headspace and to properly work it out. He thought the last few months would've done it but from what he could see they were still hiding behind their own fears.
Everything had been fine, they had nothing on so Kim decided to swing by the school and pick Mak up and take her to the babysitter. They'd been out clarifying a witness statement for a case they just closed and where nearby.
Dropping her off at school that morning they had followed their usual routine, stopped and got coffee, talked about what they would do for dinner tonight and made rough plans for the weekend and what they were going to do with Mak. She wanted to go to the movies to see Clifford, The Big Red Dog and Adam was keen to see it as well.
Adam jumped out of the car and leant on the fence while Kim went inside to get Makayla. They'd been sitting most of the day and he needed to stretch his legs. He was restless. "Can I help you?" The young brunette asked as she approached her. He hadn't seen her before but she looked official with her tightly clutched clipboard.
"Just waiting for my partner to pick up her daughter. Makayla Burgess."
"Oh, sweet girl." She hummed suddenly relaxing as Adam smiled. It was natural and he liked it when people said how perfect his girl was.
"That she is."
"She's doing well, …so you're her partner?" She eyed him up and down and liked what she saw. She hadn't met Makayla's mother yet but she was aware that Makayla had only recently been adopted due to a family tragedy. They were all made aware of any potential issues that any of their students might have due to changes or challenges in their home lives.
"Yeah, we work together." He smiled again. "I haven't seen you around here before. You new here?"
"Yes. I've just started. I'm the music teacher."
"Ah, so you're the one Kim is blaming for the recorder disaster." Adam laughed. "It's been brutal."
"Adam." Mak spotted him as she came out of the building. She pulled her hand out of Kim's and skipped happily towards Adam. He nodded and smiled at the teacher before turning his attention to Mak. "Adam. I had such a cool day." She slipped her hand into his as Kim approached.
"Well that's good. What did you learn?"
"Well, we learned that Jupiter's the biggest planet and Saturn has a bunch of rings around it."
"Hmm."
"And my new friend, Teddy, gave me this new sticker today during recess. A cute little strawberry." She showed him her new sticker on the back of her folder. It was her latest obsession and they were always coming home with new packets of stickers for her. They were both as bad as each other, if they were out and saw something they thought she'd like they grabbed them.
"Oh, it is a cute little strawberry. My gosh, what an action-packed day you had. Is that everything?"
"Mm-hmm." The music teacher stepped back but let her gaze linger for a few moments and Kim caught it.
"Come on Mak." Kim patted her on the back. "We need to get going." She looked at Adam. "I thought you were waiting in the car." She snapped.
Adam shook his head sadly as Kim literally marched Mak to the car. His phone beeped with a message from Voight and they had to go.
"Let's drop Mak off then and get there." Kim almost hissed at him as he got in the car and told her about the case.
After dropping Mak off at the babysitter Kim called Kevin to get up to speed and relayed the relevant information. "Yep Kev, Ruzek is here. I just picked Mak up, she's at the sitter's now."
They had worked the case together and got it done but she knew Adam was avoiding her or at least avoiding talking to her about anything but the case. Even when she was on the phone to the sitter to check she was okay to keep Mak he left the room and eventually asked if "Mak was okay?"
"Yeah, she's had dinner."
Once they found Brianna and got her to Med it was like a huge cloud had been lifted off the unit but a couple of dark ones lingered.
Adam heard movement outside the breakroom. He had made himself a cup of tea, put his feet up on the table and was making some final notes in the case file before it had to be handed off. "Hey."
"Oh, there you are. Um, did you hear back from Med?"
"Mmm. Yeah, she's out of surgery. She did real well. She had a brain bleed, but they stopped it." Adam looked at Kim briefly. He had hung around at Med for as long as possible, trying to avoid going home, so he went back to the District instead. He wasn't quite sure where his home was anymore.
"That's good. We brought her home safe." Kim added lightly. It was a good outcome and one they'd all hoped for but often didn't get.
"Yeah." He didn't even look at her.
"I killed you, didn't I, with what I said about Makayla?" Kim stood in the doorway watching him curiously. His body language was one of hurt and disappointment.
"I'll have my stuff out of your place by the weekend."
"Adam. Don't do this please."
"Do what? I'm just respecting your wishes, you want boundaries, Makayla is your daughter. I think me not sleeping on the couch would be a good place to start, don't you?"
"Let me be clear, okay? I know that you love her and she loves you, Adam." Kim stepped into the room and touched his shoulder before shifting his legs off the table and taking the seat opposite him.
"Okay then why?"
"I'm not going to take it away from you."
"Then why you got me in a standby position? I know you've done it tough, I was there too remember? There is no comparison between what you endured and me, doesn't mean that it's been easy though and I was there with Makayla keeping her safe and protecting her like you asked me too. And you asked me to step up if anything happened to Makayla and I did, without question. I've been here from the start and I told you I'd always be in your life. I don't know how many times I have to tell you or what I have to do to prove to you that I'm here for the long haul. You've had me taking her to school, picking her up, you call me to pick up a new platypus, look after her when you go to the gym or are caught up at work and now you are taking her away from me."
"I'm not. I'm trying to protect her, that's all." Kim pleaded with him. "You'll meet someone else and leave and I'm the one who has to tell her why?"
"Why what?"
"That you don't want to be around her anymore? That you are out dating someone else."
"I'm not dating anyone else."
"But you want too."
"No I don't."
"You will and I just want to protect her. She's lost her whole family?"
"And she almost lost you. What happens if next time you don't come home? What then? She has nothing."
"That's not fair."
"Isn't it?" It may not have been fair or the right thing to say in the moment but it wasn't a lie either. At one stage there was a very real chance that Kim wasn't coming home. "Because Kim, it's almost happened already, it could happen. That's our job and you knew this when you took her in."
Kim was getting frustrated with him. He kept pushing her to deal with her ordeal and she wasn't ready. Was she avoiding it? Probably, but that was her choice. "She's my daughter and I have a right to decide who is in her life?"
"So you've decided that you don't need me to be at your beck and call anymore so it's time to go?"
"No, that's not it at all. Come on Adam. That's not what I meant."
"That's how it feels."
"Then you are wrong?"
Adam picked up his mug and took a mouthful. "And here we go again. You telling me how I feel, what I feel, what I want."
"One day you will move on, you will leave us."
"But I'm not leaving. I know she's not mine. But she is. She feels like my kid. I love her like she's my kid. And I just... Do not want to feel like I'm gonna lose her. I can't do that all the time, you know?"
"You won't."
"I understand things are complicated between you and me…." He paused momentarily and then waved his hand. "…actually I don't. I keep telling you what I want, I'm right here, I haven't gone anywhere and I don't know what you want from me." Adam sighed. "But I also know you just went through something horrific and you need time and space. So maybe it's best if I do go home because I can't just be your back-up and be on stand-by until you need me again. I will talk to Makayla, if that's all right with you."
"You are not my back-up Adam, I was just trying to be realistic. You looked so happy talking to that young teacher…"
"What teacher?" he furrowed his brow and then it dawned on him, she saw him talking to the teacher and she didn't like it and panicked. "So that's what this is all about. You are jealous?" Adam almost laughed. "I looked happy because she was telling me how sweet Mak is, and I happen to agree, I think she's awesome and I love it when other people see it."
"I know you do." Kim smiled a little.
"I have a family. You wanted to be this big round thing that surrounded Mak, you wanted me to be that with you. Here I am." He held out his arms. "A couple of weeks ago you told me that I have you and I have Makayla and said let's go home and now you suddenly decide that I don't belong here in your life and Mak's anymore?" He didn't sound annoyed, he was just tired and hurt.
"No. I just realised that you can leave any time."
"I am not leaving Kim, Jesus. How many times do I need to say it? What do I need to do to prove to you that I love you?"
"I don't know."
"Right. It's complicated, it's not the right time or whatever." He rolled his eyes and scratched his face distractedly. "But Makayla…I just need to know that I have a place with her too. I got a right to be in her life going forward."
Kim mulled over it for a moment. The thought of him moving out was starting to sink in. She couldn't stand the thought of him not being around. She wanted to push him away because that's what she always did to protect herself from feeling too much but suddenly the idea that he wasn't going to be around was terrifying. "Okay, we can do that."
"Really?" He was kinda surprised Kim agreed so easily. He was expecting more of a fight.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." He repeated, just making sure heard right.
Yeah, we were going to do it before, right, with our baby. This modern family. Let's do that now with Makayla."
"Well, I would like that very much."
Kim smiled sadly at him. "And maybe we can work on the rest. I'm not ready Adam but I want to be and right now I just need to make sure Makayla is safe and protected. You know, this Roy thing. He's still out there and I just can't…."
"It's okay." Adam leant forward and reached for her hands. "And when you are I'm right here. I'm always right here."
