Chapter 8

"Shino? You recall the Lady Natsuki?"

He and his dad were having breakfast. Torune was away. Shino took a breath.

"Yes."

"She says she is having difficulties again. She requested you."

Shino thought about refusing, wondered what Lady Natsuki would do, what if he really tried, and he did, because he felt the fear wash over him, of having to go back to that place. Back to her.

It was no use. It was the same as before. He felt her presence, then heard himself say, "I will go at once." And in a way that was even more upsetting, he'd help a tiny sliver of hope, because he'd never tried it before, never tried resisting it, and now he knew, it made no difference.

Some terrible logic, lines blurred. If he could not resist, he should save his energy.

His father smiled. "You represent the clan well. I am proud of you."


Yet how could Shino relax, as he marched himself back to Lady Natsuki's estate. She was toying with him. Making him deliver himself right into her hands. Small hopes ran through his mind: Maybe she won't feed, maybe this is all she requires, this cat and mouse game.

He thought long and hard about his discomfort around Lady Natsuki, before she had fed on him. He wished he could have done something different, but his internal warnings could not at all have prepared him for what actually transpired.

The suddenness of her attack was brutal, terrifying in memory, but this second time, knowing exactly what was coming, and being unable to do anything to stop it, was a hell in its own right.

He wished to see Noshiko again, but maybe even that was too much to hope for. Maybe Lady Natsuki would order someone else to attend to him, and she too would have to obey.


Shino was surprised that there actually were more insects to be taken care of at the estate. He'd just assumed that was the ruse to invite him here. It appeared that not only was she going to feed on him, he was also going to be put to work, maintaining this place, just as everyone else here was forced to do.

It was awful, there was really no other way to describe it, being back, in Lady Natsuki's bedroom, the slipperiness of the silk sheets, the cloying smell of perfume and cosmetics heavy in the air.

Shino tried to fight her off once again, even though she reminded him it would be easier if he relaxed, and he once again felt the enormous, inhuman strength of her hands, her arms, her shoulders.

"You'll learn in time." She said afterwards.


Shino did get to see Noshiko again, when she knocked on the bathroom door, where he'd stayed sitting on the floor, for hours afterward. Wanting distance, even this inconsequential amount.

"It's okay." Noshiko soothed. "We've all been there. You're going to be okay."

Shino wondered if she was reassuring herself as much as him, yet he appreciated it all the same. He had found it another kind of torture, to be at home, unable to speak, to go on like nothing had happened.

To go on like nothing was happening.