Chapter 17
Days, weeks, months. Lady Natuski didn't call him, yet it didn't matter. Shino was still haunted by her, and his own thoughts of what she would make him do. He imagined terrible scenes of hurting someone, particularly those he cared about. Humiliating scenes, of confessing to Torune, or of being made to tell his teammates about those feelings. Though he supposed, if she wasn't ready to let him go, she would not have him do that – for some reason she still harbored the idea Torune felt the same, and if he did, she believed he would want to… Shino made himself avoid that line of thought.
Or, at least he had, but… then he wondered, why bother? This… his life, felt so utterly broken, so utterly beyond repair, that a line of reasoning, one he had always disliked crept into his awareness all the same. That idea that, if everything was so far gone, what did it matter if he thought about Torune? No one would ever know, besides Lady Natsuki and nothing would ever come of it. It didn't matter that, in all actuality, Lady Natsuki was correct, if there was ever some sexual encounter between them, it would be awkward at best, nonfunctional at worst. He'd already known that about himself, that that kind of expression did not come easily to him. That Torune alluding one night Shino was handsome wouldn't be enough.
What did it matter, if he held onto an impossible dream, as he went about his days. Really, they were quite boring, the only thing that could be keeping Lady Natsuki entertained was the waiting, for his life was more of the same. Training, missions, studying.
To vary his routine, Shino went on walks in the woods. More often than not by himself. It was really one of the only things he still took some enjoyment from. Even his insect keeping failed to inspire peaceful feelings. He, unbeknownst to anyone, including Torune, maybe it was strange to have never told him this, but Shino wanted to report it as a success, not a failure. That he had attempted to breed a line of parasitic beetles that were immune to Torune's poison. Had tried over and over again, over so many years, and he had failed.
On those walks, he contemplated that the state, believing death is imminent, that intense focus on the here and now, was not something he could sustain long term. It had exhausted him, absolutely exhausted him, thinking each time he saw his dad, his teammates, Torune, that it would be the last. And really, what more was there to say? To do? That completion, people spoke of? He felt he had attained that, to the best of his ability.
Also, when he was alone, he didn't have to worry what Lady Natsuki would make him say, or do. Actually, it wasn't really that much of a change from before he met her. He was used to being alone. And he realized, why fight his nature. What was he trying to prove. Who was he trying to fool. It wasn't that he didn't fit in. It wasn't that he was left out. It wasn't that he wondered if his teammates saw him as a friend. He didn't see his teammates as his friends.
He preferred being alone. He always would, and he always had. The fact that he had been borne into the Aburame clan hadn't determined anything, hadn't changed anything.
This is who he was.
Then, a change, that to Shino's shock, made him feel something, a strange mixture of anger, surprise, and he truly wished it hadn't, the return of that glimmer of hope.
"Bummer man. A real bummer." Kiba said to Torune, where they were gathered before yet another one of their sparring matches.
"Yes, I'm sorry to hear that too, Torune." Hinata added.
Torune paused and regarded them for a moment, before replying, "Thank you, Miss Hinata, but Kiba, you're a terrible liar."
"Yeah, I just can't help it." Kiba replied, the beginnings of a grin appearing on his face.
"And possibly a terrible person. Really, who is happy when a couple breaks up?"
"It is kind of terrible of me, isn't it." Kiba started, but couldn't contain himself, he began to laugh.
"Okay, man, I'm sorry, it's just… you don't look that broken up about it, for one thing. What happened? You've known for awhile? You the one who ended it?"
"No, we talked about it. It was a mutual thing."
"It was the bugs, wasn't it?" Kiba asked, joking.
"Yeah, that was part of it." Torune answered, seriously. "Not good long-term prospects for us. We had a great time together, but yeah, time we go our separate ways."
"Wow, okay, now I actually feel kind of bad about what I said. Sorry, man." Kiba replied, with conviction this time.
"Thanks."
There was a pregnant pause, where it looked like Kiba wanted to say something, but held himself. Torune prompted him with, "But?"
"Guess you just don't have the charm of Shino's old man, huh?"
Hinata, sitting next to Shino, became flustered, worried, but Shino shook his head. This was just how Kiba and Torune spoke to each other, and Torune, grinning, replied,
"Now you're pushing it, kid. Let's start."
"Yep, that's fine, I can be your emotional punching bag. Just let it all out."
"That is so sweet of you, I think I might even start crying."
"Wow, we've sure come a long way with each other, haven't we? You seeing this, Hinata? This is some true male-bonding happening, right here, right now. Inspiring, isn't it?"
With this, Shino saw the corner of Hinata's lips turn up, could see her steady herself before saying:
"Yes, it makes me grateful I am female."
"Woo! Torune, I do believe we just got burned."
"From our lovely Miss Hinata too. How about you, Shino? Got anything to add?"
"Oh that'd be just the thing too! To get burned by Hinata then Shino as a one-two punch combo!"
Shino wished he took more enjoyment out of this. These little things, but he had never been skilled at this kind of repartee. Apparently, Lady Natsuki was willing to help.
"I suppose now is as good a time as any to tell you Torune is dating your sister."
Kiba's jaw dropped, whipped his head around to Shino, trying to figure out if this was even a joke, but the effect was ruined by Hinata's laughter, clear as ringing bells beside him, followed by Torune's.
"My God, it happened!" Kiba replied, amused but still somewhat haunted by that possibility. "Geez, what do you even do after that? Maybe we should just call it a day."
"What about you being my emotional punching bag?" Torune replied, followed by a yip from Akamaru.
"What boy? You want to fight? Alright, but I gotta tell you, my pride's hurting. Geez, Shino, I didn't know you had it in you."
"Life is full of surprises." Shino replied.
"I'll say. Alright, let's get this show on the road then. Ready?"
"Yep."
"Alright, let's go, Akamaru!"
The match began and Shino sighed. Kiba was correct: he really hadn't had that in him.
