Chapter 27
Shino was used to silence, between he and his dad. Neither of them were particularly talkative. That was one of the reasons Torune's departure had been so startling. He had filled some of their silences, actually brought out conversation from his dad, something Shino had rarely seen before Torune.
But when he left, they had returned to their normal. Shino had somewhat made peace with that, to the point where usually, it didn't bother him, but it did now. It had been a long time since he had been this uncomfortable around his dad.
And there was no one else around, no one to distract from, no one to fill the silence for them now, for they were currently traveling, on their way to Lady Natsuki's. Kiba's prediction had not been correct. Another visit was warranted.
He had received a letter, stating Lady Natsuki had included something for him in her will, requesting that he pick it up in person. It wasn't even a mission, perhaps why he had been allowed to go in the first place, but to have his dad accompany him? It seemed like a waste of his time and talents.
However, it had not been a request on Shino's part, nor had it been a question on his dad's. His dad simply told him when they were leaving, and off they went.
He… knew his dad knew something, just like his teammates. He also knew his dad must be in communication with Lady Hokage, had heard her assessments of him. It made him uncomfortable, to be kept in the dark like this.
But since silence had always been the norm, for he and his dad, Shino had had to learn how to read those silences, and he knew his dad was worried. It wasn't anything he said or anything he did. Shino just knew.
What he did not know was how to ease his dad's worries, because he was getting the distinct impression that there was something to worry about, and that something was not only the fact that he was missing his recollections, his memories of certain events, but the content of those missing memories.
For example, how inexplicably uneasy he was, heading towards Lady Natsuki's estate, and how heavy his feet were when it was finally in sight.
They were greeted by a butler. Shino did not recognize him. They were escorted inside, served a meal, all the while Shino's anticipation growing. Just as he was tempted to break manners, and ask about the will, Noshiko arrived, waving to him in greeting.
He introduced her and his dad, and he wasn't sure why, but he asked his dad if the two of them might be excused for a moment. Maybe he just wanted a moment where someone wasn't treating him as if something were wrong with him, for he knew Noshiko wouldn't do that. Not only because she didn't know of his current predicament, but he had the sense that the two of them had been quite at ease with each other. He knew her, knew that they had spoken many times, that in fact they had spoken privately, just the two of them, and while he couldn't say why that was or the details of those conversations, he trusted her.
He could see his dad hesitated, no one else would have noticed, it was only a split second, before nodding in approval. She was smiling, cheerfully, but Shino remembered her smiling another smile, a tragic, bitter smile, and he could not explain the difference between the two. Could also not explain his memories of these halls in shadow, when they now walked through bright, sunlit ones.
She led him to a study, one that he vaguely remembered being in before, that in fact Noshiko had led him to once before, to Lady Natsuki. Seeing the empty fire place, he remembered it being lit, Lady Natsuki sitting on the gold throne chair. Light streamed in through the open curtains, illuminating dust suspended amongst the air.
"Lady Natsuki's instructions were oddly specific about this. She requested that you and I open this package, in this room. I must say, I am exceptionally curious what is in here. Are you ready?"
"I am."
Noshiko opened an inlaid wood box, and inside was a men's ring, a large ruby as its centerpiece, on a gold band, along with a short note. It was not in an envelope, nor was it folded, and written on it in artistic calligraphy was a single sentence:
"As you wish."
They both read it the same time, and suddenly, Shino understood what this was, what this meant, why Lady Natsuki had Noshiko here, could see it from the look on Noshiko's face that she knew too, the play of horror, sorrow, and rage. It mirrored what Shino himself was experiencing, and remembering for indeed, he remembered, all of it. Remembered the night Noshiko had been forced to bring him to this room, the light of the fire then, Lady Natsuki holding him down. The morning after, when she explained what was going to happen, what was going to continue to happen, Noshiko's apologies, her revelation that the whole staff had undergone this, experienced this.
Remembered each and every visit, and the weeks and months that had separated them. Remembered Lady Natsuki speaking to him about his village, his teammates, his clan.
And Torune. Somehow… she had made him forget all of it. Their sparring sessions, the color of Torune's eyes, what he looked like without his robes, in the firelight, here in Lady Natsuki's estate.
He remembered it all, and he knew this was the choice. Memory or oblivion. And he knew it wasn't only him he was choosing for. The staff, who all appeared so happy today, and why wouldn't they? They had told he and his dad all about it. How Lady Natsuki had rescued them, given them food, work, shelter when they all had desperately needed it. They were close, a family, had been provided for even in Lady Natsuki's passing. Remembered the smile that graced Noshiko's lips earlier. He had never seen her look so happy, so radiant, not the way she did now, the color drained from her cheeks, shoulders hunched under the cruel reality of it.
He could give that back to her, she could live her life without this. All the staff could. All he had to do was give up his own memories to do it. He imagined for him, it was like the wound on his neck, the one that there was not even a trace of anymore. She had been able to cover it up to a certain degree. His memories needed stronger alteration than the staff – indeed, what a wonderful story she had provided for them.
If he decided to let go, he would go back to the way he was before this, but… and he was shocked, he never thought this could be his answer: would it really be that bad, to forget? She was giving him an out, and for once, just as she had that one time only, spared him the pain and presence of being fed on, maybe he should take this deal. He would never have to face his teammates with the shared knowledge of what had occurred here. He would never have to face Torune, Torune could be spared that, that Shino would simply not remember, what Lady Natsuki had forced him to do.
Torune could move on with his life, marry, as Shino knew he eventually would. Shino would never have to know the reason behind the pitying looks his teammates had taken to giving him. He would never have to face his dad, he would never have to walk out of this room with Noshiko, and tell his dad that he knew exactly what had happened to him, that he had inadvertently betrayed their village, their clan, never have to feel the shame that this had happened to him, for even though he knew none of his teammates, knew that Torune, did not blame him, he still felt ashamed, deeply ashamed by all of this.
And he could live without that, in exchange for knowingly being in the dark, ever knowing something had happened, but never knowing exactly what. He could not alter the memories of his teammates, of Hinata and Kiba, and of Torune, nor the memories of what the they told others. Someone would always know, and nothing could erase that. They would always see him differently. He was no longer their team leader, he was someone who had been… he wasn't sure he had a word for it, impaired, altered… tainted.
Yet, even if his teammates did eventually tell him, it would be as if it simply happened to someone else…
"You forgot too, didn't you, Shino?" Noshiko spoke first, astounded.
He could only nod.
"And… she's giving you one final choice, isn't she?"
He nodded once again. Thought of how Lady Natsuki had specifically planned for Noshiko to be here, because, as Lady Natsuki had told him, that very first time, she would get to know Shino very well, and she had. She knew Shino would ask Noshiko this question:
"What would you want, Noshiko?"
This… scenario was so much like something he and Lady Natsuki would have discussed. A philosophical question, but in this case, it was not simply a topic of discussion. This was a real possibility for them: if you could forget, would you?
Noshiko took a moment to consider, then lifted her head, looked him directly in the eyes, even though his were shielded, and said, "I want to remember, Shino. She took my blood, my freedom, in her death, I don't want her to take my memories too, however… I know she has done much worse to you than she has to any of us here. If I were in your place, I might not be so brave, as to say I would rather remember...
"But, please consider this: in this place, trapped here in this prison, I, all of us here, have inevitably been faced with a choice: either transcend our circumstances or die. We… had to find some way to hold onto our humanity. All of us have different ways of doing that, but I… despite what happened to me, I believe in a higher power, and an eternal soul, that the mind is not the end all be all, and even if our minds were to forget this, I believe our souls will still remember, that we will all in some way know this happened, and maybe, with that in mind, it is better to face the dark, and bring it into the light."
"Maybe, even Lady Natsuki wanted that. After all those years in the secrecy, she revealed herself. She let you go, I don't know why, but she let you go, and in doing so, let all of us go. No matter what you chose, I thank you."
Lady Natsuki knew Noshiko too. Knew she would say this. It was kind of Noshiko, to let Shino make this choice, but he knew there was really only one option. If Noshiko could be brave enough to go through this, he would honor her wishes.
Shino reached down into the box, took the ring in his hands. Somehow, he knew which finger this would fit, his right ring finger, and it did, perfectly. They both looked down at it on his hand, the sunlight still streaming in now reflecting off its many facets.
Affection. Commitment. Binding.
What Lady Natsuki had meant by this symbolism, he could never truly say, but her magic had served its purpose, for he had locked in his agreement, by putting on the ring.
They would all know.
And they would all remember.
To his surprise, Noshiko reached forward and embraced him. He remembered Lady Natsuki's iron hold on him as he struggled in vain, Torune crushing him to his chest, urging him to forgive himself, Hinata gently tucked in beside him, offering comfort. Noshiko's embrace didn't feel like any of those, and when she pulled away, the smile on her face was blindingly bright.
"Thank you."
That's it. That's what was in her embrace.
Gratitude.
However illogical it seemed.
They left the room quickly. Noshiko wanted to get to her companions, and sure enough the estate was buzzing with the news. Shino had thought he would have to tell his dad himself, but it turned out he was too late. The staff had already informed him of what Lady Natsuki was, what she had done to them, and what she had done to Shino.
Neither of them had to say it. Shino now knew what he needed to know to read this silence, but for some reason, he wasn't content with that.
"I remember, Dad." he stated. For the record.
His dad slowly nodded, bowed his head, before answering, just as simply. For the record.
"Alright, Son."
Speaking with the staff was tragic, but not illuminating. They had met Lady Natsuki when they were down on their luck, been brought to this place to work after she eventually bit them. None of them knew much about Lady Natsuki's history, how she became a vampire. She had married the original Lord of this place, and inherited it after he died. He had no children, seemingly the end of his line, since no one contested her right to remain in the house on her own. They had also never seen another vampire. They were thankful Lady Natsuki was no more, but most wanted to go their own way.
Shino had a brief thought, of looking around this place, before leaving, without the specter of Lady Natsuki, but even though she was no longer among the living, her specter remained. And even the thought of revisiting the rooms he and Torune had been in, to shed light onto the dark, as Noshiko had put it, was too much for him.
No, it was time to leave, but not before one final exchange with Noshiko. They spoke on the front lawn. Standing outside the estate, looking up at its towers, the manicured gardens, Shino could remember the first time he had come here.
How intrigued by this place he'd been, but also having no idea the impact this place was to have on him.
"On the bright side, Shino, that ring looks like it's worth a small fortune." Noshiko began.
"What will you do, Noshiko?" he asked.
"Lady Natsuki did provide for all of us in her will. We will never want for anything, monetarily. As astonished as we are all, we are free."
"A strange legacy, but I am happy for you."
"I've lived in terror of Lady Natsuki for so long, I just thought I'd be happier, knowing she was dead, but she didn't even give us the satisfaction of leaving a body. It's almost like the whole thing could have just been some terrible dream.
"But, Shino… for you own understanding, or closure, you must know, and I did tell you before, but Lady Natsuki was fixated on you. I've never seen her like that, though some of the staff who were here longer than I said it had happened before. When I asked them what happened to those people, they thought she eventually killed them.
"I… was terribly worried that would happen to you as well. You almost got away, too.
"She only decided to bite you the final night you were here. I don't know why she changed, after meeting you, but she did. I am once again, sorry, that I could not have warned you somehow. Our freedom came at a great cost, to us and to you. A strange legacy indeed. Take care, Shino."
"Please don't feel guilty about your part in it, Noshiko. It wasn't your fault."
"It wasn't your fault either, Shino."
"I… was uneasy. I was somewhat frightened of her, even before she attacked me."
"You couldn't have known. None of us did either. Not until it was too late."
"If you are ever in need of assistance, you know where to find me."
"It's good to know I have a friend in the Leaf." Noshiko ended with a smile, before waving him off.
He felt a sort of relief as he and his dad passed through the gates of the estate, in what Shino sensed truly would be the last time. He sincerely hoped Noshiko and her companions would be alright, but he knew, that just as it was for him, it would be for them. That Lady Natsuki wouldn't be soon forgotten.
There was only one place he needed to revisit.
Back into the woods, amongst the roots of his favorite tree
Not now, though.
Another time.
