Chapter 28

After he and his dad returned to the Village, Shino headed over to Kiba's, following one final examination by Lady Hokage. He gave what information he knew about Lady Natsuki's abilities, and a brief synopsis of what had happened – she'd taken him by surprise, she was incredibly fast and strong, but once she had bit him she had not needed to use that, she simply commanded him. Lady Hokage seemed satisfied. She didn't mention any breaches in Village security – he was sure Torune and the others had already told her how Lady Natsuki had his memories – though she still had him grounded from further missions for the time being.

She said this gently, as though willing him to understand something, urging him to do something, but what, he didn't know. The staff at Lady Natsuki's, including Noshiko, were quick to want to get away from that place, to move on with their lives, make up for lost time, lost experiences. It wasn't that he completely disregarded what had happened to him, it was more he wasn't sure what good would come, what could possibly change if he took a day, a few days, a week, or a few weeks to himself.

Nothing would change, and maybe he should follow suit, just get on with his life, as best he could, and his life was that of a shinobi. He would have asked to go on a mission, even with members of his clan, with his dad even, but he could tell just by looking at them what their answer would be.

They agreed with Lady Hokage.

That he was unfit for combat.

Unfit for missions.

And yet… what was a shinobi who was unfit for missions?

The only thing he really agreed with was that he needed time to speak with his teammates. He wondered if they would ever want to go on a mission with him again. After all, even his own family didn't trust him, but he would speak with them, answer any questions they might have. He felt they deserved at least that, for their trouble, for what Lady Natsuki had put them through. He didn't want to do it, but he would.

He was a shinobi, after all.

Which is how Shino found himself heading to Kiba's. He didn't know if Kiba would be there or not, but he found he didn't much care. Just as he hadn't cared when earlier he went to the Hyuuga Compound and found Hinata was away on a mission with Neji and Team Gai. Torune was also away with Fuu, and would be for awhile.

Maybe he would strike out, 3 for 3, with Kiba.

Kiba's mother greeted him. Hana was there as well, and as it turned out, he did strike out. Kiba was currently away from the Village. Helping Team 10, they told him. Without Kiba's presence to distract him, Shino could recognize the discomfort, the dismay barely disguised on Tsume and Hana's faces, how they were dancing around the subject, for Kiba had most certainly told them. He decided to put them out of her misery.

"I remembered what happened."

"… Yeah?" Tsume questioned, with a bit of a guard.

"Yes." he answered simply.

"She really dead, then?" Tsume asked.

"She is."

"What'd she end up giving you?"

"This." He showed them the ring.

"The fuck?" Tsume responded.

"You could sell the damn thing, get a pretty penny for it." Hana offered.

"This her idea of a joke? One last laugh beyond the grave?"

"I think so. She had a dark sense of humor. If you could let Kiba know I was here, I'd appreciate it."

"Will do, kid. Will do."

He turned to walk away, but Tsume called out to him.

"Hey, Shino?"

"Yes?" He replied, turning around.

"This wasn't your fault. From the sounds of it, she could have gotten anyone. You just happened to be it. You get that, right?"

"Thank you, Ms. Inuzuka." he responded, then continued walking away. He knew that his answer did not reassure her, but he couldn't stand to see the looks on their faces anymore.

And also, he knew Lady Natsuki hadn't just picked anyone. She had told him repeatedly, she had picked him because he was a loner, because he wore such heavy clothing, and because he would not take a lover. She had not picked anyone. She had picked him.

Because of who he was.

He also thought of what Noshiko and now Hana had referenced: sell the ring. He also knew his dad was not fond of it. Shino was undecided. Either way it felt wrong. The ring was heavy, but so would the money he would earn by selling it.

It would be blood money, he realized, and he then started to laugh, at first softly, but then growing in volume, to the point where he needed to stop walking, lean against a tree for support, hunched over in hysterics at it all.

By himself.

Because he was a loner.

And that only made him laugh harder.


Shino was sitting out on the veranda, by himself, watching the fireflies, in the light of the full moon. He'd been hanging around the family's land, the land Torune had been so desperate to get away from, the land he was still currently away from.

It was late. Most were asleep, though he had no doubt someone was keeping watch on him, at least a hive was, making sure he didn't go anywhere. Why they thought he would go anywhere, he didn't know.

He'd had trouble sleeping, preferring to be awake for the night hours and sleep during the day. No one gave him trouble for it. He much preferred the lack of involvement. That was one thing he was still in agreement about, from when he couldn't remember. Having everyone treat him like he was glass was unsettling, disturbing, nevertheless, he knew that he, and what he represented, this attack on him – even to a village of shinobi, a vampire was something they would rather not have exist.

He was used to this, however. The Aburame had always unsettled and disturbed people.

In this silence, in this dim, with most everyone asleep, he found himself feeling the most peaceful he had in a long time, which is why he was so startled to have something, or more specifically, someone disturb it. Someone who seemed to have no care that the world was quiet for a time. Someone who had never really cared about that, for as long as Shino had known him.

"Oi! Shino! I know it's late, but I just got back. Ma and Sis said you stopped by, yeah?"

Kiba called out, stepping into the scene, and Shino got a look at him from the distance, for Kiba was indeed keeping his distance, and unusually, Akamaru was nowhere to be found. Kiba meanwhile, had his shoulders pulled back, he looked upset, angry.

Maybe it was just a trick of the moonlight though, and of Kiba's features. He didn't really need to do much, to appear angry, not with his fangs, his face markings, the set of his eyes.

It was alright, though, his appearance here. Shino knew what he wanted.

"Yes. I remembered what happened. I went to your house to tell you. But it's late. We can talk tomorrow. Go back home and rest."

Kiba's features dropped, surprise quickly replaced by irritation. "I don't want to go back home and rest. I want to talk to you."

"What do you want to talk about?"

Kiba outright stared at him a moment before replying, "Are you serious? Are you seriously doing this? You know what I want to talk about. Her, dammit. Natsuki. Tell me what she did to you."

A jolt of adrenaline passed through Shino's system – it was upsetting, just the mention of her could do this – but he outwardly maintained his calm and replied:

"You pretty much know, already. I went to her estate, I would get rid of insects she deemed as pests. Then she drank my blood. And sometimes she had me say things, to you, to Hinata, to Torune that she found amusing."

Kiba gritted his teeth, Shino could see it clearly in the moonlight, even with his goggles on, but then Kiba took a breath, relaxed his shoulders, bared his teeth and grinned.

"Of course you would do this. What the fuck was I expecting you to do, but I know you; I am fucking prepared for this. How long have we been teammates? 9 years? I'm not leaving, you hear me? I don't care if I wake up your whole damn clan. I'm not leaving until you tell me what happened. And don't give me some bullshit excuse about going to sleep. You haven't been sleeping. I can tell just looking at you. And if you were sleeping, you wouldn't be sitting out here right now, would you?"

"What specifically do you want to know?"

"Everything. All of it. You getting me yet? We've got all night, yeah? So let's get on with it."

They stared at each other. Shino felt this breaking of the ice was well-intentioned, but ultimately misguided on Kiba's part and told him so.

"You don't need to do this, Kiba."

"Yeah, I do." Kiba shot right back.

"It's not going to change anything." Shino stated slowly. "It already happened. It's not your fault. So, if you just have something specifically you want to know, I'll answer it."

"Oh my God. You think I'm doing this out of, what, guilt? That's why I showed up at your house at in the middle of the goddamn night?"

Shino slightly nodded his head. "Like I said, it's not your fault."

"Okay man, you want to play hard ball? Yeah, I've got a specific question that's been burning a hole in my fucking brain. Did she rape you?"

Even though Shino had invited Kiba to ask, this question still threw him for a loop, and even though on some level, he understood what was being asked, there was a muddled haze that took over his mind, his speech, when he replied, "… Excuse me?"

Kiba was undeterred. "You need me to define 'rape' here? 'Cause I can do that: did she make you do shit with her? Ah, Christ, I better just say it flat out. Sex. Did she make you have sex with her?"

"Why are you asking?" Again, Shino at some level knew why Kiba was asking this, that Shino's own question to him before, when he could not remember could have prompted this, yet at another he felt completely bewildered by this question. He'd been expecting a question about the feedings. Kiba once again, did not lose the trail.

"'Cause of all that stuff you said about being in her bedroom, remember? Add on that she really seemed to enjoy fucking around with you, and then after you asked me and Hinata, I figured, hell, why wouldn't she just actually try to fuck you while she was at it, nothing was stopping her, even though she told us she didn't."

"When did she tell you that?" Off topic. Minor details. Kiba didn't seem to mind. At least he was talking, and that was Kiba's goal after all. To get him to talk.

"In the dining room, close to when we first go there. That's where she took us before the library, said she was calling you from her bedroom. Hinata thought it was bullshit, called her on it, and Natsuki said she hadn't done it with you, but she'd asked if you wanted to. I asked Hinata later, what room she found you in. She thought it was just some spare, wasn't Natsuki's. That true?"

"No, we… we weren't lovers." Shino trailed off, somehow surprised by this new information. He'd already known Lady Natsuki had spoken with them before she got there. Hinata told him that when she came to get him.

Kiba's expression fell, in disbelief, then hardened into determination.

"Shino, that ain't what I'm asking. I know you weren't lovers. Did she make you? That's what I'm asking."

"No, she didn't."

Kiba immediately returned fire.

"Did she make you and Torune?"

"What?" Grasping at straws. Kiba didn't care.

"You heard me. And don't lie to me, man. I smelled you all over him when he showed back up. And by the way, when he did show back up and lopped her head off? He was scary as all get out – I mean, we were even on the same side and I thought, remind me never to get on this guy's bad side, he's a downright motherfucker when he wants to be – and I think he had a good reason why. More than even me and Hinata, 'cause Torune? He wouldn't set a foot near you after all that. Kept his distance all the way home. And, hell, Natsuki flat out told us."

"Told you what?" Shino kept asking this question, like a record on repeat, but he couldn't stop himself, and Kiba just kept answering.

"Asked Hinata and me, 'What'd we think you two were doing, talking?' I don't think you were. I don't think you were just talking. Neither does Hinata. I'll go to Torune if I have to; I gotta know."

"… Because you need to be able to gauge my behavior for future missions?"

"No, man. 'Cause I love you. 'Cause I fucking love you. You drove me nuts when we first got teamed up, but you and Hinata? You're mine. Tough shit. You're my pack, and this woman fucked with you."

"It's alright, Kiba." Shino said, to calm him down, could tell Kiba was losing patience, letting emotions cloud his judgement, it was a reflex really, this is what he would say to him if they were out in the field, on a mission, but this wasn't a mission, it was not an appropriate response here, and Kiba agreed:

"No, it isn't. It really fucking isn't. You wouldn't say that if it wasn't you. What if it was Hinata? Some bastard kept calling her? Bringing her up to his bedroom? What would you do?"

"It's different with Hinata." Different implications, he and Lady Natsuki did not have a sexual relationship, regardless of how it may have seemed.

"What'd you do if it was me then, huh? You'd think I was less of a man, after what, some supernatural bitch attacked me, dragged me around, screwed around with my head, with my life? Like somehow, that's okay because I have a dick? What the fuck is your logic here, Shino?"

Shino took a breath. He could acknowledge the truth in what Kiba was saying. Didn't want to think too much about it though, the implications, but it did lead him back to where he'd started, something he'd been thinking for awhile now, which he gave voice to now.

"What is the alternative?"

"What do you mean, 'What is the alternative?'" Kiba asked, perplexed.

"What happens if it isn't okay? What am I supposed to do?"

There was a pause, a silence, something he would normally appreciate, discussion closed, yet for once in his life, Shino found he was tired of silence. So he filled it.

"Lady Hokage has grounded me from missions. No one in my clan will even look at me. I see Lady Natsuki when I close my eyes. I hear her voice when there is no one there. I smell her perfume as though it is permanently attached to me. When you elongate your fangs, it reminds me of her, so does Hinata's hair. And when Torune gets back… what can I possibly say to him? I don't even have the pendant he gave me, I left it in the woods because I didn't want her to take it from me. I can't even leave the village to go get it."

Kiba paused, tilted his head back to look up at the moon for a moment before asking, "Do ya love him?"

Shino looked at the moon for a moment as well, before – why he did not know – answering, "I thought I did. Yet I forgot, when she took my memories. I didn't remember any of it. I had vague memories of other things, but of Torune? Nothing. And then I thought, if I could so easily forget, how strong could it have been? And even after I remembered, there's still nothing."

Kiba sighed. "Shino, you're a smart guy, yeah? You remember our survival training? When crazy shit is happening, your body will do certain things to live? Like when you get cold. Remember all those stages they told us about? Like at first you might shiver, then if you get a bit colder, you can't stop shivering? Then if you get really cold, you'll eventually stop shivering and curl up in a ball? You basically try to hibernate? That's you, right now. You went through some really crazy shit, and you're hibernating. You adapt, but it's temporary."

Shino shook his head. "Is it, though? I've always been like this, Kiba."

Kiba shook his head back. "No, you haven't. Me and Hinata, we've known something's been wrong for a long time now. It's like… you get so cold you don't even know you're cold, remember, they warned us about that too?

"And you know what? I'll bet you anything when you actually see Torune, you'll feel something."

"I don't want to see him."

"It's alright, man. He ain't here. You don't have to see him right now."

"I will have to though, at some point."

"Well, maybe you're confused how you feel, but he ain't. He loves ya. Loved ya enough to ask me and Hinata first, before he confessed. Seemed like the perfect way to do it, knew you'd want time to think about it, away from him. 'Course, none of us knew you had other worries on your mind."

"He won't. Not after that."

"So she did? Make you?" There he went again. Kiba, back at it again. He really could be relentless.

"She tried. Torune was…" Shino had thought about this. Knowing Torune was stalling, Shino wondered why Torune had been so aggressive at first. Maybe because he was more concerned what Lady Natsuki might do, if he was seen as not carrying through with his side of their agreement. That he needed to convince Lady Natsuki he would go through with it. The consequence of that was enough of a threat to commit the act himself, to just get it over with, as Shino had first thought. But Shino had one other theory, which was Torune had anticipated, counted on Shino becoming upset, maybe even tried to facilitate that response by being so abrupt, thereby giving Torune an excuse to stop, to stall, that would not be seen as a fault of his own, but rather Shino's. If so, it worked. They got more time.

At a price.

"It was more than I would have liked." Shino answered, and to his surprise, even though that was an absurd answer, so vague as to be pointless, Kiba nodded like he understood, and Shino eerily considered that he actually did. As Kiba said earlier, they had been teammates for a long time. Shino knew when Hinata was feeling insecure, he knew when Kiba was losing patience, could fill in the spaces in between their words, just as he had done for so many years with his dad.

But somehow, it hadn't occurred to him that they could do the same for him.

"How about we sit, and you just start at the beginning, alright?" Kiba suggested.

"Because we've got all night?" Shino remarked dryly, and in his own way conceding. He knew Kiba would not leave, and contrary to how he felt at the beginning of this conversation, Shino was grateful. Grateful that Kiba apparently would or could not be scared away.

Kiba grinned in response, a feral grin, with amusement yet determination in evidence as well, and for once, it didn't remind him of Lady Natsuki. In some parallel universe, he thought the two of them may have gotten along. They were similar, in some ways. Both had a certain power, a humor, a passion for life, but where Lady Natsuki had long ago lost her light, had lost her way, Kiba had not. Lady Natsuki burned everyone in her path, and Kiba, like the full moon above him, gave off enough light for Shino to have some hope that maybe, just maybe, he would be able to make his way through.

As Noshiko as put it, to bring light to the dark.

"Exactly." Kiba replied, still grinning, then added, "What, you read my mind or something?"

And at this, Kiba tilted his head back, started laughing uproariously, fulfilling his threat of earlier, that he did not care it was the middle of the night or if he woke up Shino's entire clan, though Shino was sure Kiba's presence hadn't gone unnoticed.

They were simply letting them be.

He supposed there were some perks, to getting special treatment, as normally this would be considered rude, yet he sensed no one in the general vicinity was sleeping particularly well anyway, and that maybe, this laughter was a welcome interruption to the silence, the quiet that was heavier than usual – grim – that had descended upon his clan, when they had learned what had happened to him.

That in fact, they were grateful someone had been able break it.

Shino did not have it in him to join in himself, but he indicated the space beside him, and Kiba made his way over, settled himself there.

It was going to be a long night, after all.


Kiba didn't leave when the night ended. Instead, they both crashed in Shino's room in the early hours of the morning. Shino's dad, to his credit, had no outward reaction when they emerged in the late morning, and sat down at the table, along with Akamaru, who had joined them at some point while they were asleep, sleeping out on the veranda until they woke.

It was amusing, to see Kiba here, Akamaru laying at his feet, boisterously eating breakfast, thanking his dad for his hospitality, greeting various family members who popped in to have a word.

And that was nice, to find something amusing for a change.

Comforting, too.