Chapter 29

A few weeks passed by relatively uneventfully. Hinata returned from her mission, they reconvened their team training sessions, visited with Kurenai-Sensai and Mirai.

Shino thought he might have been cleared to go on missions by now, but he hadn't. The only change he had made was his attire, he'd swapped the long collared tunic for a flak jacket, and wore a longer hooded coat over it instead.

It seemed appropriate, after what had happened, but there was another reason too. Even though the danger had passed, he still had that feeling he'd had at Lady Natsuki's estate, of feeling suffocated, with his face covered.

Shino knew this limbo couldn't last though. He was waiting, until finally, it happened, when he returned home one evening, twilight, only to find him there. Waiting as well.

He was in shadow, his robes and mask only adding to the dark, and even when he stepped into the light, Shino couldn't interpret his expression. The way he approached, the way he stood gave away nothing. Even the way he said Shino's name in greeting was shrouded.

Or perhaps, Shino just couldn't recognize whatever was there. After all, this had happened before, with Torune, who had indeed returned. Confusion, uncertainty, as to who they were to each other – friend or foe, family or strangers, did their past relationship extend into the future – yet now, the overwhelming feeling he felt upon seeing Torune was embarrassment.

Shino could not look him in the eye, even though his were covered, even though Torune's were covered. Could barely look in Torune's general vicinity, though he could fake it easily enough. He just… and this was something he had never experienced before, this feeling of being so exposed. Beneath his large jackets, his glasses, and his silence, he had always felt shielded, isolated. However, now, with Torune, he wasn't.

Torune knew everything that had happened, been there, seen it, seen her, Lady Natsuki, seen her estate, her home, the grounds, the halls, the bedroom, seen the wound, seen Shino, completely bare, in every possible way.

"You remembered." Torune stated, didn't phrase this as a question, but Shino nodded nevertheless.

"Are you okay with me being here?"

"Of course." Shino replied, automatically. Even through his confusion, this much was obvious to him. He was actually surprised what else came to him in this moment. By taking his place in Anbu Root, Torune had saved him once, and by killing Lady Natsuki, he had saved him again. He was always needing his assistance. It was regrettable, that Torune had to clean up his messes, but it was worthy of acknowledgement, and he bowed, just as he had before he left for Lady Natsuki's, that fateful trip when all was revealed.

"Thank you, for saving me."

Torune too, was reminded of that last time, and once again uncomfortably waved him out of the bow. "I told you before. There's no need for that."

A heavy pause fell between them, and he thought of what Kiba had said, that Shino would surely feel something when he actually saw Torune, and he did. He was relieved Torune had returned safely from his mission with Fuu, and grateful for what he had done for him. However, as far as that feeling, of romance, as underdeveloped and unformed as it may have been, he could only remember it, couldn't capture it. Because looking at Torune now, Shino saw him through a filter, a distortion. That he was there, yet out of reach. Something that may have been available to them in the past, or in a different timeline of events, was simply no longer.

Only an echo of what could have been. Kiba was wrong.

It wasn't there anymore.

Just another thing Lady Natsuki had taken from him.

He wasn't sure how to tell this to Torune, or if it was even necessary. Kiba had been wrong about him, he could just as easily have been wrong about Torune as well, for there was no romance in this reunion. It would be enough to make anyone reconsider.

To his surprise, though, Torune had other matters to discuss.

"I had a meeting with Lady Hokage when Fuu and I got back. At the end, she told me you've been grounded this whole time. She ran a mission plan by me, and I told her I'd ask you, but… we don't have to. Maybe Hinata or Kiba could go with you instead…"

In a dark stroke of humor, Torune reported that Lady Hokage had cleared Shino for a mission, if he so chose it. Another menial task a genin could have taken care of, but again, not just any genin. A mission to once again clear out insects. As long as Torune accompanied him, it was his.

"She said it was like taking out two birds with one stone, since she wants me to take another break."

"It wasn't much of a break last time, was it." Shino weakly joked.

Torune still smiled though. "Does lightning ever strike the same place twice? If so, I'm going to become a veritable vampire slayer."

"You… really want to go with me?" This was such a menial chore to send Torune on. It was laughable, truly.

"Of course." Torune said gently, sadly, repeating Shino's response from earlier in the conversation.

Shino couldn't deny the appeal of getting out of the Village for awhile. It would be a few days trek to get there, and this may be his only chance to go on an actual mission with Torune, if one could even call this an actual mission.

It was too bad it couldn't have happened earlier, but conversely, this set up would never have happened earlier. He was somewhat wary, of spending this time with Torune, for it would be just the two of them, but he also knew this needed to happen at some point, they needed to come to some resolution, about what had happened. Maybe to do so alone, far away from others they knew and the Village, on a mindless mission – as painful as it would be – was the best possible outcome.

"I'll pack my things."


More woods. In many ways, similar to the walk to Lady Natsuki's. Similar to the entirety of the Land of Fire. It seemed Shino was mistaken, when he thought he could get a reprieve, from the Village, from Lady Natsuki. What he would truly need, to get away from all that would be to get away from himself.

No change of scenery could accomplish that though, because that was simply impossible.

Their destination was a small, remote village at the northern border of the Land of Fire, who were having trouble with insects in their crop fields.

Shino assumed Torune would want to talk about what had happened, as Kiba and Hinata had, but he didn't. He didn't ask, and Shino didn't say anything. They walked mostly in silence.

It wasn't calm yet it wasn't unpleasant. It didn't feel pregnant, as though Torune was waiting for him to speak first, or even that Shino was waiting for Torune to speak first. They weren't, and they didn't.

It seemed, just this once, this was not a quiet Torune could fill.


The only time that really changed was one night, after setting up camp, lighting a fire.

"Shino…" Torune started, his tone somber, and Shino truly expected him to ask something about Lady Natsuki, and Shino braced himself, as best he could. It had to happen at some point, he had told himself. It would be alright.

However, that was not what Torune had in mind.

"You wanted to know what my training in Anbu Root was like?"

Shino felt a completely unexpected chill run through him, but nodded nevertheless, and Torune nodded and began to speak.

Some of it was easy to bear: tactics training and strategy. Camouflage and surveillance. First aid.

Some of it was not: forced starvation, dehydration, isolation, sleep deprivation. Extreme heat and cold. And endless sparring, endless running, endless physical conditioning. Interrogation techniques, and how to endure it all.

And what he had suspected, had even seen Torune do himself, yet it still gave Shino pause to heard it aloud.

"I would practice on animals at first, with my beetles. When I got better, and someone was being interrogated, sometimes I would be called in as extra persuasion."

There it was. Everything Shino had wanted to know. Abbreviated, highly edited, he knew that, Torune was still sparing him, but there it was.

He already was not sleeping well, but that night he slept even less. Every rustle of the leaves, every creak of the branches, every night noise startled him.

And maybe he was only being dramatic, but it was hard to imagine he would ever sleep well again.


They arrived at the village, an isolated place. If you were not looking for it, you would never find it. There were no other settlements for miles, no roads, no electricity, yet the people were content.

They were greeted warmly and set to work. Between the two of them, it went quickly. Simply, as Shino had anticipated. Surreally, as he had also anticipated. Seeing Torune doing this kind of work – even though he knew Torune knew the same jutsu as he did, his branch of the clan rarely used them, specialized as they were – Torune's bloodline always stood apart.

The villagers were grateful in the extreme when they finished, giving them food and drink, while fondly chiding Torune that no field worker should wear all black robes.

Even to them, it was apparent Torune was cut of a different cloth.


The journey home, however, was another matter entirely.

The skies were threatening rain when they left, which caused great cheer amongst the villagers. More water for their crops.

Eventually the ceiling broke, first starting as a drizzle, barely noticeable, then growing stronger and steadier until it then became a veritable downpour, quickly soaking through their clothes, though Shino noted with a slight smile, this was an instance where perpetually wearing goggles came in handy.

And with that change in weather, things started to change for Shino.

Maybe because they were heading home, no longer departing but returning. A boomerang that had gone as far as it could in its trajectory, and now had to go back to whence it came, for when the two of them had set off from the Village, Shino had believed closure was possible, something that was within his grasp. Now, however, it just kept spiraling, growing, morphing. It would not be contained, no matter how much he wanted it to be.

That veil that had surrounded Torune was beginning to fade, and what had happened to Shino was coming into sharper focus, wasn't keeping its distance, wasn't just some dream of his gone terribly wrong: that gothic estate, its never-ending passageways, its richly decorated rooms, and the specters of memory that filled them.

He also realized, disheartened, that his concern about being alone with Torune was somewhat false. They weren't really alone right now, just as they weren't really alone in that suite. Lady Natsuki and her actions remained.

Just as his memories became more and more difficult to deal with, so too did the rain. They'd been walking along the edge of a creek for some time, until Torune stopped, and indicated up ahead. "Shino, we could make our way through, but I'd rather not, and look up ahead. Let's take shelter for awhile, alright?"

Torune was pointing to the mouth of a small cave, barely noticeable amongst all the foliage except the creek bed headed right towards it, disappearing into the earth. The opening was small, they needed to duck to get inside, but they were out of the elements.

"Home sweet home." Torune joked, after they had lit a small fire, and started to cook a bite to eat. When they were moving, Shino felt warm enough, but once they sat down to rest the chill and the damp were not as easily fought off.

"I'm sure you've made do with worse." Shino replied, then wondered why. It was a strange thing to say. It could be said of every shinobi in the Village. And he knew absolutely that Torune had made do with worse. He'd just told Shino that a few nights previously.

He supposed the silence had finally gotten to him, even though it was the loudest it had been during their travels, the sheets of rain beating down outside, the sudden volume of water gurgling down the creek beside them, the crackle and pop of the fire. He'd even heard the occasional rustle and chirp of bats a little further down.

Of course there would be bats.

Shino distracted himself by observing the play of firelight on the cave walls. He looked to his right, towards the cave mouth. It was raining so heavily he could not see much past it, and the light that managed to come through that and the thick cloud cover was weak. Next, he looked to his left, deeper into the cave, and it was utterly black. A true void.

In this increasingly crushing silence with Torune, he was reminded of what Noshiko had said about bringing darkness to light, and now he wondered. The sun always burned, but here on the planet, light cycled, to varying degrees, but it always cycled, night to day, day to night. However there were also some places that never saw light, the depths of the ocean for example, and also here in this cave. It could be temporarily illuminated, but light was not natural here, and the things that lived in places like this had formed in that absence of light. Fish that had no eyes, for there was no need for vision, and neither was pigmentation necessary. There was nothing to be seen, and nothing to be seen by, and Shino wondered if maybe, whatever had happened between he and Torune was also best left in the dark, for despite Noshiko's musings, despite Kiba's insistence to tell the truth, Shino had not told him what had actually transpired between he and Torune, in that faraway room at a now abandoned estate.

Though of course Shino could recognize there was a flaw in this logic. He was not the only one who knew what happened in that room, and, just in case he thought even his own memories could be kept in the dark, when Torune stood up and removed the top half of his robes to wring them out, Shino was instantly transported back to that place, Torune silhouetted against a different fire, removing his robes for a different reason, and he wished he hadn't changed his wardrobe, that he still wore a high collared tunic, because he, for reasons he could not understand – it was so inappropriate, it didn't make sense, though he could still hear, clear as the rain around him, Lady Natsuki explaining why – he began to blush, ducking his head in case Torune noticed, but the movement only drew his attention instead, which only made his thoughts decay into jumbled nonsense, about heat and light and fire, that fire gives off color and light and heat, while blushing only gives off heat and color and they were in a cave, color had no use in here… But there was no point to these thoughts, no conclusion, no meaning.

"Shino? Have I…" Torune trailed off, at first unsure, then returning with a teasing tone, "… Got you a little flustered? That's cute, baby."

Remembered the only other time Torune had called him "baby" - he'd been in so much distress he'd barely even heard it – sobbing on that bed, along with his hive's disobedience and he felt dangerously close to being there again, and then he was, eyes tearing up, shoulders shaking, and his voice quavering as he replied, "I'm sorry," in embarrassment to his reaction, to seeing Torune like this, and for this, his sobbing, for he did indeed start sobbing outright after saying that. The suddenness of it, and the strength of it taking him by surprise, and then he heard one final echo of Lady Natsuki, cautioning him that sometimes the dream was better than the reality, and in this instance, he had to agree, because this was not part of any of his dreams, nor surely was it any part of Torune's.

For just as he was no good at banter, flirting was a complete mystery to him, even under normal circumstances, he would have had no idea what to say to that, even if Lady Natsuki had never interfered, the outcome of this would surely be the same.

She was right.

He was not suitable for this kind of relationship.

And he was right too.

It should have just been left in the dark.

And that was also part of what he was trying to apologize for, and he wanted to leave this place in defeat, just as he had wanted to leave Lady Natsuki's, just as he had wanted to leave the Village, after he had been grounded, but where would he go? Out into a downpour? Further into the cave? There was no where to go.

Torune replied quickly, "No, that was my fault." And then, after a fraction of hesitation, Torune came over to him and embraced him, and Shino was surprised that he, with only a fraction of hesitation, embraced him right back, arms around his shoulders once again.

All of this repetition, because his hive once again did not trust him in this state, once again emerged on their own, hung in the air, and it once again only added to his misery, and Torune once again reached for one of his hands to initiate the link, quickly asking if it was alright, with Shino merely nodding.

The increased input from the link, buzzing static, before it eventually evened out into something he could interpret. And all of it was something he'd already heard, that they'd already done. Playing out their parts, going once again down this particular rabbit hole. Once again, first felt Torune in communication with his own hive, they once again did not enjoy the link and were making their displeasure known to Torune, who once again told them off, telling them to calm down, and then, most magical of all, feeling Torune speaking with his hive, that it was fine to stay out for now, that Shino would be alright, but Shino wondered if he really would be alright, and in the link, everyone knew it, and suddenly, just as surely as everything else had lost its magic, so had this.

Now it too felt like a nightmare, his hive's alarm, not even bothering to speak to him and communicating instead with Torune, and Torune's hive making their additional concern known to him, not wanting to be linked to someone so unstable. Torune once again told them to calm down, then told Shino's hive to get out and stay out for the time being, find a dry place to rest, observed as the few stragglers joined the rest of the hive outside, and Shino let him, let them leave, as Torune supplied them some chakra to appease them.

Shino continued to look down, but Torune grasped the sides of his face, getting in his line of vision, making his own assessment, and Shino felt so ashamed, to be doing this, after what Torune had told him he'd gone through, but Torune – Shino could tell he had come to some sort of decision, could see it in the way he set his shoulders, in the way he took a deep breath, then… leaned forward and kissed him, and for one moment Shino didn't care if he wasn't suited for this, felt like with that kiss Torune told him more than he ever could have with any words, and it was actually the same thing he had said to him at Lady Natuski's, but so much more than that.

His feelings hadn't changed.

And it didn't seem to matter that he was crying, that he still was crying, Torune stayed where he was, continued kissing him, in a way that Shino knew would not escalate, yet Torune wanted to carry on with regardless, that it soothed them both, eased the trauma of their first kiss, the coercion of it, something that was on their own terms, though there was the added dimension of having the link established, could feel the unspoken question from his hive, and his understanding of Torune's brief explanation to them: mating. It was deceptive, but admittedly the closest thing a hive could understand.

And then Torune took his hand once again, dispelled the link, no longer necessary, pulled him up with him, as easily as he had at Lady Natsuki's, then moved towards the fire, towards their equipment around it, found a flat section of rock to place the bedrolls, doubled up for now, as Torune made it clear they would only need one.

Also made it clear he was serious earlier, about getting out of his damp clothes, and about Shino getting out of his, grabbing some spare clothing in the meantime before laying down. Torune, or they, resumed the kissing, and another memory floated up, more crashed its way to the surface, of their repeated sparring sessions, and how they had always ended like this, Shino pinned down on his back with Torune above him, all those times were he felt he didn't recognize who he was with, his fear, his rapid heartbeat along with his quickened breath, that tension hanging in the air, that he had no name for, and yet now he did, had a name, a motive, a reason, for the tension that didn't dissipate, that only grew, every time they had sparred.

And here they were. Torune's lips once again insistent against his, until he moved his arms, wove his fingers through Shino's hair, arms and legs crossed against each other's, so close, so incredibly close, it was overwhelming, yet he missed him when Torune pulled up and away for moment, removed his mask completely, not only the goggles, saw that shocking lightning blue. Remembered how he'd wondered, when he'd first seen them, if it would be his last, and now he knew it wasn't, it wouldn't be… then Torune waited.

Shino waited too, until he… seemingly without his control, in a way that felt at once reminiscent of when Lady Natsuki made him do things while also entirely different, for he knew with absolute certainty this came from him, a hidden place, when he reached up and removed his own goggles, awkwardly placed them off to the side, then reached up for Torune, somewhat hesitantly, to bring him back down again, and while Torune did indulge him, he did so only for a moment, before he reached for the bottom of the thin t-shirt Shino had put on and pushed it up to his shoulders, placed his hands on Shino's sides and leaned down to kiss him on his chest, the upper part of his sternum and Shino arched in response, surprised by this, but touched in a way he couldn't explain, as Torune made his way lower, over his heart, stayed there, with his fingers warm amidst the dips of his ribs, could feel the increased rhythm of his heart, in line with the beat of the rain outside, the pulse that didn't give out, despite everything, the pulse that had responded to the man above him right now, despite everything, before he moved away, only to lay down beside him, wrapping an arm around his waist, keeping them close.

They were both quiet for a moment, until Torune spoke softly.

"I can hold them off, by the way. In case you were wondering. Enough for this. I probably could have done it, at Natsuki's, but I thought you'd be less scared if I gave you the repellant. So, no worries, baby…"

Shino shifted slightly. He wasn't sure what to do, in response to Torune using that endearment with him, yet Torune seemed able to read him regardless of not having said anything.

"You're wondering why I call you that, aren't you? Honestly, it's not so much a romantic thing, it's more because… I know in the greater scheme of things I'm not that much older than you, but I still think of you as younger, I feel responsible for you, and I'm so sorry this happened on my watch. I know you're probably tired of talking about it with everyone, it's why I haven't pushed it on this trip, except, what's with this damn ring I've been hearing about? Even your dad looked furious."

Shino told him about Noshiko, the note, the decision. Wanted to tell him.

"She's right, you know. Because of you, all those people are free, because… you know I'm not justifying it, I'm the one who killed her, but… in some twisted way, I do think Natsuki cared about you. As much as she could care about anyone or anything, and I think that's why she let you go."

Told Torune one more thing, the one thing he needed to go back for, before they drifted off to sleep, for suddenly he was exceptionally tired.

"We can swing around there and pick it up on the way back. I'm assuming you still want it? Not to brag, but I carved and painted that ladybug myself…"


They emerged from the cave the next morning, leaves glistening, water drops reflecting the light of an unobstructed sun, hitting Torune's clear blue eyes, the woods alive with the movement of branches in the slight breeze, birds singing, animals scurrying, and Shino took a deep breath.

Daybreak had come.

Finito


Author's Note:

Many thanks to anyone who got to the end!

This story was heavily inspired by the American TV show Dark Shadows, and Lady Natsuki and her servants specifically inspired by a plot with the vampire character Barnabas Collins, who was very charming and gentlemanly in public, while simultaneously controlling and feeding on one time thug Willie Loomis and forcing him to fix his old family residence and protect him while he was sleeping during the day. Everyone thought Barnabas was so kind to give him this job, and while Willie was a very unsympathetic character before all this, Barnabas is so secretly cruel to him that he has a change of heart and tries to help various other characters stay safe from Barnabas.

It was really quite spooky, and it stayed with me. It was the first time I'd seen a vampire without any romantic attraction or even romantic subtext with its victim, Barnabas was truly just menacing and using Willie to get what he wanted, and when I originally thought of this story, I first envisioned the vampire as male because of that, before ultimately changing my mind.

This story was also inspired by the song Running Up That Hill by Kate Bush.