A/N: Hey all, sorry for the delay in updates. School's officially up and running again so you know what that means...less writing time for me :( But thank you so much for sticking with this story! Here's chapter 5 for you, hope you enjoy! :)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.


Chapter 5

"I hate surprises," Addison scoffed during an appointment with her therapist one morning. "I always have. And surprise parties, they're the worst; they are designed to make you feel completely unsettled. I mean your friends won't talk to you about birthday plans so you think they've either forgotten or they just don't care, and then when you try to set something up, suddenly everybody's busy.

And then you catch your friends whispering to each other, and then they suddenly stop when you come by. And for what, so these same friends can gather in a dark room somewhere with the sole intention of scaring the now totally depressed and completely paranoid birthday girl by screaming 'surprise'? I mean, who needs that?"

"But isn't there a payoff?" The therapist asked. "You're surrounded by people who have gathered in your honor to express their love."

Addison laughed. Was this guy serious right now? Addison had been the victim of so many surprises in her life – some much worse than others – she had become immune to the possibility that some of them might have a "payoff." "Uh, no," she said. "No. That is not how love is supposed to feel."

Alina groaned, turning over in bed. She had no idea what time it was but she couldn't get the shrill ringing noise out of her head. It was her first day off in almost three weeks and all she wanted to do was stay in bed 'til noon, then spend the rest of the day out on her back porch with nothing but a book and margarita on the rocks. The last thing she needed was to be paged in to the hospital in the middle of the night.

Reaching her arm out, she fumbled for her phone on the nightstand, cursing herself for choosing that obnoxious clichéd iPhone ringtone. "Not. Happening…"

"Hello?" She muttered.

"Alina, is that any way to answer the phone?" A sharp voice came through the line, speaking to her in Russian. Alina rolled her eyes and responded in kind.

"Can I help you with something, Mother? You know the California is three hours earlier than Connecticut." She was too tired to realize that her mother had been chastising her nonstop during her entire greeting.

"…you never answer the phone like that, it could have been your boss paging you!"

Alina waited for her to finish. "Mother, what can I help you with at – " she looked at the clock, "five thirty in the morning?"

"I'll tell you what you can help me with; you can tell me how people get out of this damn airport of yours…can't even get someone to tell me where baggage claim is…"

Alina shot up in bed. Wait…airport of hers?

"Mother," Alina said slowly. "Where are you?" Silently she pled for her mother not to say L.A. She knew her parents were planning a trip out here sometime in the future, but Alina thought that meant like months down the road – especially since the last time she spoke with her mother was during a heated argument about moving to LA in the first place. And surely Papa would have told her they were coming now…he wouldn't just blindside her like this. He knew how much she hated surprises.

"Where do you think I am? We took the red eye out last night – your father and I are in L.A. and trying to figure out where this damn baggage claim is!"

Alina decided against telling her mother to just look up at the directional signs. Instead, she tried to keep herself from throwing up; her mother was here, in LA, in her city, and she was already unhappy. Alina could only imagine the look on her face when she saw how unkempt her house was…she was a doctor, it wasn't like she had time to clean! "Mother…Mother!" She said into the phone sharply.

"What?"

"Put Papa on the phone."

"But-"

"Papa on the phone. Now. Please…" Alina added carefully, remembering who she was talking to.

A moment later, the sweet voice of her father came over the line. "Solnishka," he said.

"Hi, Papa," Alina smiled. Sunshine – his name for her since she could remember.

"I'm so sorry about this – I had no idea she wanted to come so early until just two days ago, I know how you hate surprises. I tried calling but you seemed so busy…"

Alina kicked herself internally. She remembered seeing a few missed calls from her dad but got so busy she never bothered to call him back.

"Is your house clean?" He asked.

Alina sighed. "Well it's about to be, isn't it? Do you need someone to pick you up?" She stood up, pushing a stack of Vogue magazines – her guilty pleasure subscription – underneath the bed with her heel.

"I think your mother may have something figured out…I do hope we're not imposing on you too much."

Imposing?! All she ever does is impose! Alina wanted to shout, but she bit her tongue. "No, no of course not. I'm happy you're here." And she was, for her father at least. "Did Mother mention how long you'd be here for?"

"Solnishka, that is something you will have to discuss with her. I'm merely here to see you, I asked for no more details."

Alina smiled again. "Well thanks. You have my address, I'll just clean up a little bit and I'll be up when you get here." She pulled open the blinds in her bedroom – the sun was only just rising.

"Oh no no darling, don't trouble yourself, we're staying in a hotel."

"No, Papa – "

"Ah, I said we're staying in a hotel and that's final. I wasn't completely silent on the way over, you know."

Alina laughed softly. "Okay well just let me know when you get settled. Or I'm sure Mother will beat you to it…either way I'll be home all day." So much for the book and margarita…

"Alright, darling. I'll see you later today."

"I love you, Papa," Alina said, making mental notes of everything she needed to clean once she hung up.

"And I love you."

Once she hung up the phone, Alina tied her hair into a loose bun and headed downstairs. Apparently, she had parents to please, and for God knew how long.


Addison hated getting called into the hospital extremely early in the morning, especially since A. she was no longer a resident, and B. it always meant an emergency that, given her specialty, often times had to do with a woman having experienced some sort of sexual trauma.

Much like the one Addison had – and then shoved deep down – all those years ago…

She was supposed to leave for a medical conference in Palm Springs with Jake later today, and she cursed herself for even setting foot in this building. Then again…an early morning at the hospital would definitely help keep her mind off of Sam – her most recent ex – and Jake…or rather the thoughts of what could happen with Jake at this conference.

But she was still lamenting her relationship with Sam. She wasn't supposed to be thinking about what could happen with Jake anyway.

"Well, someone's up early," a Southern drawl comes up from behind her. She spun around, only to find herself face to face with Dr. Charlotte King.

"I could say the same to you," Addison replied.

"I'm Chief of Staff here, Montgomery, what I do in this hospital is my business," Charlotte said.

Addison chuckled, still getting a kick out of Charlotte's old "I'm-Chief-of-Staff-I-do-what-I-want" attitude. "So how's Mason adjusting to the loft?" She asked.

"He's doin' alright," Charlotte said, flipping through a patient's chart. "Although I gotta admit when I first found out Cooper had a son I pictured some snot-nosed obnoxious little kid gettin' in my way all the time. I never pictured myself actually likin' the boy…"

"Huh," Addison said.

"What?"

"Oh nothing, it's just step-motherhood looks good on you, Charlotte," Addison smirked.

"Don't go thinkin' I've gone soft, 'cause I haven't," she snapped. "I don't do soft, Montgomery."

Addison chuckled again, just about to respond when she heard another voice behind her, this time taking very fast in a foreign language. She could recognize this voice anywhere – it was Alina's. Addison tried as hard as she could to look immersed in a conversation with Charlotte…only until Charlotte turned to greet the young doctor.

"Dr. King, how are you?" Alina smiled. "Addison…"

"Hi," Addison said softly. Immediately she noticed Alina wasn't dressed in scrubs; instead she had her hair down and was wearing dark jeans with a cream-colored sweater and light brown boots. She looked beautiful. Addison was just about to open her mouth to speak when she noticed two people – who looked almost her parents' ages – walk up behind the young doctor.

"These are my parents," Alina said. "Nicolas and Alexandra Levin."

Right away Alina's father stuck his hand out to greet both Addison and Charlotte; of course Addison obliged with a "how do you do?" but she also couldn't help but notice, not only how sweet this man was, but also the seemingly nasty look Alina's mother was giving her. Actually, it wasn't entirely nasty; Addison couldn't really place it. It was like a look of surprise mixed with automatic distaste, and she couldn't understand why.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Addison Montgomery," she introduced herself to the woman as Alina's father spoke with Charlotte.

"Mmm," the woman said, and Addison was immediately reminded of Bizzy.

"Mother," Alina said. "Dr. Montgomery is one of my mentors."

For some reason hearing Alina call her Dr. Montgomery made her cringe, but she noticed Alexandra relax slightly once she heard the word mentor.

"I thought you were off today," she said to Alina, as Alexandra turned toward her husband.

"I am," she said. "Just showing my parents around the hospital…apparently Mother thought today would be the best day for a little surprise visit."

"I definitely know how that feels," Addison said, remembering the times Bizzy and the Captain would show up in LA unannounced.

"I didn't exactly enjoy getting the phone call at five thirty this morning but oh well…I missed my dad and it's the thought that counts, right?" She sighed.

"Right," Addison nodded.

"So what are you doing here so early?"

"Emergency surgery," Addison said. "Although honestly I have not missed getting called into the hospital at six in the morning…"

Alina chuckled. "I get that. They don't call you attendings for nothing."

"I'm supposed to go on this medical conference with one of my colleagues later today too…"

"Oh, I'm jealous!" Alina said. "I always loved going to those when I was at Harvard."

"Don't be too jealous…all it is is just a bunch of stuffy doctors who talk about themselves non-stop. I'm just looking forward to the open bar," Addison winked.

Alina leaned in close to Addison's ear. "I'd gladly take stuffy doctors over…" She nodded her head toward her mother. "For God knows how long."

"Ah," Addison nodded.

"Alina, I'm tired and I'd like to go home," Alexandra said, catching the two women's attention. Addison could tell she wasn't going to like this woman very much…she gave her a weird feeling.

"Alright, Mother. Well, have fun at your conference Dr. Montgomery. Dr. King." With a curt nod and smile, the young doctor walked off with her parents.

"That apple definitely fell far from the maternal tree…" Charlotte muttered.

Addison stared as the trio walked away. "I couldn't agree more."


It didn't take Addison long at all to get friendly with the booze at this conference. Not only had she told Alina that the only thing she was looking forward to was the open bar, she had also made a complete fool out of herself on the road trip with Jake. Okay, maybe not a complete fool, but she had wolfed down an entire bacon cheeseburger and told him of her plans to actively get fat after Derek left her.

He had laughed it off, like the good guy he was, but the whole time they were traveling together Addison couldn't help but wonder if he really thought she was a total freak.

She didn't even go to the meet-and-greet in the ballroom; she went straight to the bar. To hell with Jake and his judgments – tonight, she was going to get drunk.

"Oh, don't judge me," she said as he walked up to her at the bar.

He shook his head. "I wasn't. I'm just, uh…there's a whole ballroom full of doctors across the way there, drinking free drinks, and you're here alone, paying."

"I do not feel like socializing," Addison said, accepting her second gin martini from the bartender and taking a sip. "What?" She asked Jake after a moment.

"Are you getting drunk?"

"No," she said. "Okay, so what if I am? We're out of town, you know, at a medical conference. Nobody knows me here."

"You are at a medical conference. Everyone knows you here. You're famous here."

Addison sighed.

"You're the…you're there Meryl Streep of Maternal-Fetal Medicine," Jake continued.

Addison laughed. "Jake, go. Mingle. Go to that ballroom, okay? I'm gonna sit here and I'm gonna drink because I can't get fat. All right? And then I'm gonna crawl up to my bed and I…am gonna miss my boyfriend." And my baby…but I would never say that out loud while sober, she thought to herself. "And then tomorrow, I'll be a grown-up, and I will give my presentation on the advances of high-risk perinatology."

"Addison…" Jake went to grab her drink.

"Mmm, hey," she swatted his hand away. "Go. Okay? Go. Mingle. Come back when someone's dumped you."

Jake gave her a look before walking away.

"I'm fine!" She called after him. "…right?"

As the night wore on, the more Addison drank. And drank. And drank. She wasn't pass-out drunk, but she was well beyond tipsy to the point where there was no telling what kinds of words would come out of her mouth.

She sat at the bar for at least a couple hours after Jake had left her, and thought about her life. Her mother – who she had never really gotten along with in the first place – was dead, there was that. She'd had a baby, but she was the result of something Addison kept buried way deep down and never had any desire to revisit. Now who knew where she was. Then she had the great guy but didn't have his baby because she was focusing on her career. Then she had another baby but it wasn't with the right guy so she'd had an abortion.

Now she was barren and seemed to repel any and all adoptive and/or surrogate mothers. And her boyfriend – who she thought was the one – left her.

Everything was just perfect!

Another thing she couldn't figure out was the strange connection she felt to a certain doctor at St. Ambrose…a doctor who at first she couldn't stand. She thought getting drunk would help clear that up a little bit too, but so far nothing. The mysterious Dr. Levin remained just that – a mystery.

Before she knew it Addison found herself standing – or rather wobbling – outside Jake's bedroom door. Why? Her drunken brain had no idea…but she had things to say to him.

"Wanna have sex with the Meryl Streep of Maternal/Fetal Medicine?"

Addison wanted to laugh at herself. What if Jake opened the door and she actually said that to him? No that could never happen.

Then Jake opened the door.

Addison swooned at the sight of him. Why did no one ever tell her how handsome he was?! Never mind her drunk brain; the minute he opened the door all she wanted to do was jump him.

"Wanna have sex…with the Meryl Streep of Maternal/Fetal Medicine?" She slurred. Oh God, she actually said it!

As soon as Jake let her in – not before giving her a look and a curt "no" – Addison fell back onto the bed, arms and legs sprawled apart.

"It's okay," Jake said.

"No, no I actually think that it is not," Addison muttered. "You rejected me!"

"I didn't reject you."

"I asked you to have sex with me, and you said no." Addison pointed at him, propping herself up on her elbow. Her blouse was now completely un-tucked and even she could tell now she looked a mess.

"I cannot have sex with you," Jake said, leaning against the wall.

Addison couldn't take it anymore. She flipped over onto her stomach. "You just rejected me again!"

"Well, look, I'm sorry but I can't."

"Am I hideous? Did I become hideous?" Addison asked.

"You are gorgeous," Jake said.

"Wait. Was it the eating? Was it all the eating? Did it freak you out?"

"Your eating is oddly very sexy."

Addison sighed. "Is it because you saw my vagina in a medical way?"

Jake rolled his eyes.

"All right. Wait. Don't answer that." The room was spinning around her as she sat up, and Addison could barely keep track of what all she was saying anymore. "Oh my God. What am I doing? I'm losing credibility all over the place. All right, okay, this is just…look, I take it back! Okay? I don't even want to have sex with you! You're just…this didn't happen. I'm going." She wobbled some more, trying to get up, but before she could Jake came over and wrapped an arm around her waist. It took everything she had not to smash her lips against his…God he smelled so good…

"Addison, Addison just listen to me, okay? I can't have sex with you, and I'm really sorry about that."

"Why not?"

"Because you're drunk."

Oh, details, details.

"And because you don't want to have sex with me."

Now how do you know that?

"…you want to have sex with someone, anyone, because you're not over Sam, and you're trying to numb the pain. You are beautiful, and you are desirable, and very, very hot. But…I can't have sex with you because you're not ready to have sex with anyone who isn't Sam."

God dammit, Addison thought to herself. This man not only has good hands, he's so logical with the words too. She leaned her head against his shoulder, letting out a long sigh. "I've gotta tell you something," she muttered.

"Oh yeah, and what's that?" Jake asked, his arm still wrapped protectively around Addison's waist.

"I have a baby."

Jake looked down at her, surprised. "Come again?"

Addison laughed drunkenly. "You didn't need to see my vagina in a medical way after all because I have a baby!"

"You have a baby?" Jake asks disbelievingly, like he figured this was just drunken Addison talking. Well she was drunk, she'd give him that, but not so drunk she'd make up something like this.

"Twenty nine years ago," Addison laughed. "I was sixteen, would you believe that?"

"Addison…"

"And there was this guy…Bizzy thinks he asked me to the prom, but he didn't ask me to the prom. He took me out after prom, did you know that?"

"He…took you out after prom?" Jake looked at her attentively.

"Yeah," Addison snorted. "Out. Out back behind the school…and then nine months later I had a baby girl…then of course Bizzy took her away because Montgomerys don't have babies when they're sixteen that would be an abomination so I don't know where she is now but sometimes I think I've seen her…I feel like I've seen her…her name's Alina and she's my baby so…I have a baby...and now there's this new doctor at St. Ambrose named Alina and it's really confusing me, you know it really is. Reallllly is." The whole thing came out like one sentence and even if she were sober Addison would have no idea what was going on inside Jake's head. Drunk Addison didn't even want to try to guess.

She felt Jake's arm wrap tighter around her. The room started spinning faster and soon Addison was growing very drowsy. She was too drunk to fully process what she had just told Jake, and now all she really wanted to do was sleep…sleep and forget about Sam…forget about everything.


Addison was raped.

That was the only thing running through Jake's mind the next morning as he watched her sleep. She may have been heavily intoxicated last night but that didn't stop Jake from putting two and two together. She said she'd had a baby when she was sixteen, and there was a guy at prom – who didn't ask her there – who took her "out" afterwards. It didn't take a genius to tell what that meant. And it didn't take a genius to tell that that little "outing" resulted in a baby…a baby Addison wasn't allowed to keep.

The more Jake thought about it, the less sure he was that he wanted to know the full story from a sober point of view. This was obviously something Addison had buried deep down; at least it didn't sound like a story she went around telling to everyone. He remembered what she had said – about feeling like she'd seen her daughter before, and not just as a newborn – and he began to wonder himself if even he had seen Addison's long lost child before.

That was one of those things about adoption, especially in cases like Addison's where the birth mother probably didn't want to give the baby up in the first place. People often spent the rest of their lives wondering where their child was, what she looked like, if she was okay, if she was happy.

All he wanted to do now was curl up beside Addison and hold her tightly to him, but of course he couldn't do that. Jake liked to think of himself as an old-fashioned good guy, so naturally he had given Addison his bed while he slept on the couch last night. She just looked so perfect in her sleep; so innocent, like nothing could ever hurt her, and Jake loved that.

He loved her.

"Oh my God…" he heard a soft mutter coming from the bed. Addison lay facing the window.

"It's okay," Jake answered automatically, startling her. Grabbing the New York Times crossword, he went and sat next to her.

"Oh my God!" She said again, flipping over to face him.

"It's okay," he said again.

Addison gasped. "Oh, crap. I'm late for my presentation."

"I had them move you to four PM, you've got three more hours," Jake said, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Oh," Addison sighed, sitting up. "Did I…did I ask you for sex and then cry?"

Yes, but that was by far the first thing on Jake's mind. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Okay, I uh…I'm so sorry. I…I had a lot to drink last night and it was a bad idea, and my sad just sort of came out all over you. I am so, so, so sorry."

Jake wondered if she had any memory of what she told him last night; just in case, he decided not to bring it up. "It's okay."

"No, it's really not," she sighed. "I feel like I'm always a mess around you, and it's not good 'cause you know we're colleagues. I'm not this person, seriously, I'm not."

"We're not gonna talk about this anymore," Jake said. "I called room service, got you a bacon cheeseburger. It got here five minutes ago, it's still hot."

"Okay, but I…"

"We're not gonna talk about this, okay? Go. Sit. Eat."

Addison walked over to her food tray silently and sat down. Jake couldn't help but be so much more observant of her now; of the way she talked, the way she walked, the way she would tuck her hair behind her ear continuously. He wondered if her daughter – wherever she was – shared any of those traits. He wondered if her daughter looked exactly like her. Alina.

"I'm supposed to just do everything you say?" Addison snapped.

"I'm driving. Eat." He looked up at her and smiled. "We're not just colleagues."

He never wanted to be "just her colleague" anyway.


On the drive home, Addison wondered how much Jake remembered of their drunken encounter last night. Really though, it was stupid to even wonder. Of course he remembered everything – but the problem was, so did she.

She had told him about Alina, and she was mortified about it. What if he brought it up to her? What if he asked her about…Jason? And the prom? And about losing her baby girl? So far he hadn't said anything, and Addison hoped it would stay that way. Sure, when she looked at Jake she saw one of the nicest, most decent guys she'd ever met; she liked to think he was sensitive enough to her feelings to leave the subject well enough alone.

But Jake had made her laugh on the way home, being his charming, smiley self. He let her know that what happened last night – the drinking – was okay, and that he wouldn't hold it against her. About halfway back Addison found herself wishing she could reach across the seats and take his hand, feel the softness of his skin, feel the protection of his strong grip.

A part of her wished he wouldn't drop her off at her house, that she could just go home with him, crawl into his bed, and feel the warmth of his arms around her. But it was too soon for that – he knew it and she knew it. And that was unfortunate.

As she got out of the car, said goodbye to Jake, and made her way toward her front door with suitcase in tow, Addison saw someone waiting for her at her doorstep. Since it was dark, her first reaction was to freak out and call Jake back…then she realized who it was. If her own mother weren't already dead she would have sworn it was her sitting on the doorstep – the stern expression, like Addison had already done something wrong and without even knowing. She took a deep breath, trying to hide any confusion behind what this person was doing here.

"Dr. Montgomery," came the terse greeting.

"What can I do for you?" Addison responded.

The woman stared at her, hard.

"We need to talk...about Alina."

"I've always been the kind of person who reads the last chapter of the book first. I like to know what's coming. It used to drive Sam crazy, he'd say to me, 'getting to the end is supposed to be a surprise.'"

"I hate surprises. I like to know."

"I like to know what's coming."


Thanks so much for reading! Reviews would be most welcome :)